


How We Met

by QueenGeekRose



Series: YouTuber  Fictions [6]
Category: Foxtrot44 - Fandom, Lord Minion777, Muyskerm - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Bullying, Chapter 18!, Eating Disorders, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Flirty Mark, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Happy Ending, Jack is your best friend, Just read, Long-Distance Relationship, Magic AU, Mental Health Issues, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not exactly Septiplier, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Plot Twists, Reader is a tease, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Romance with Markiplier, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Friendship, Sassy Jack, Soulmate AU, Soulmates, Stalker, Suicide Attempt, Supernatural Elements, Surprises, mentions of trauma, reader is female, these tags are a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-15 23:53:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 247,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7243921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenGeekRose/pseuds/QueenGeekRose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how Markiplier met you, the reader, and what happened next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Our story begins...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little history and the start of our story. 
> 
> *This chapter is being told as a fade into the main story, which will be a long flashback(the main story I mean). This is the only chapter that will start this way, except maybe one of the last ones. You are explaining how you got here to a friend.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, [y/n] and [y/y/n] are your name and your YouTube name. [Y/y/c] is your YouTube Channel.
> 
> [H/c] is hair color. [E/c] is eye color. 
> 
> Sean is going to be called Jack here. POV is from a female reader, so it will be "I" did x or y. I am including a few details about your appearance, because I feel like it. Feel free to change these if they don't fit you, or imagine yourself so they do fit (I do that a lot). For the purposes of this fiction, you will be tall (around 6' 1" - so tall for a woman anyway) and slightly heavy, more curvy than fat. Other than those details, I leave the rest up to you.
> 
> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I never thought my life would turn out like this, almost a fairy tale, almost a fever dream. Who could have known a move to another country, even temporary, could lead to this? Well, I guess I better explain how it all started and let history speak for itself. 

Let's start a few months before the main story actually unfolds. Let's start with why I moved to Ireland in the first place. 

Let's be honest. It started because I was lonely and felt abandoned. My best friend had just taken a job in Seattle, almost as far way from my home just outside Washington D.C. as it was possible to be in the continental US. I was totally happy for her, and wished her well, but it meant I had no real friends left here. I had started off here after college with a whole group of us, all working closeby, renting in the same apartment complex. Slowly, but surely, everyone had moved away. Some were really far away, like Jeanna, who moved to Japan to teach English, and others were only several hours away, like Carmen, in New York City, or Freddy in Georgia. But everyone was gone. Since I am not the most outgoing person in the world, and it's somewhat difficult for me to make friends, it meant I was becoming a hermit. When Alex moved to Seattle, I had no one outside of work left to talk face to face with everyday. Then I lost my job when the economy took a dive into the crapper. 

I was at total loose ends. I hadn't even been dating anyone for a while. Jacob, my cousin, was living in England and invited me over to visit. I decided I needed a change of pace, so I agreed, happily accepting the offer of a place to stay for as long as I wanted. I had always wanted to visit, and never had the chance. My apartment lease was almost up, so I paid through the end of the lease, packed up all my belongings and put them in.storage, except what I was taking with me. I gave my mother the key to my storage unit, wished her goodbye, and flew to London. I exchanged some money at a bank and got on the bus for Blackpool, where my cousin lived. The drive was uneventful, and far longer than I expected. When I eventually got to the bus station, Jacob was waiting for me. We hugged and got my bags, loading them in his car, and then drove to his house on the northern outskirts of town. We visited for several days before I decided, since I was this close, I would take a mini-vacation and explore Scotland. I took a week. It was lovely. It went so well, I decided to explore Ireland next, after I had recovered a little. I took a part time job at a local bookstore, to save up for the trip, and to help out with expenses. Jacob never complained, but I didn't want to strain his budget. Since my job was a seasonal one, after a few months it was over. I had a nice chunk of money saved so I decided to start my tour of Ireland. 

I took my time, having rented a car, and stopped where ever I wanted. I spent nearly a month touring, all told. One of the last places I visited was Athlone. To be honest, I had decided I was going to move to Ireland if I could find a good job and a nice apartment, since I had fallen completely in love with the country. I had been in Athlone for nearly a week, and was starting to think about heading back to my cousin's house, when I saw an advertisement for a position at the local library, while I was out for breakfast. I loved working at libraries! I had worked for several in the US during college and just after. The pay wasn't always great, but I loved books and helping people, so it was rewarding. I read the ad more closely. They were looking for a computer technician. I smiled and grabbed my laptop. This was a good opportunity, and the pay was far better than a similar job in the US would have been. I stopped my my hotel room, changing into something a bit more professional looking, printed a copy if my resume, and headed out the door to apply in person. 

When I got to the library, I presented myself at the front desk, waiting patiently for someone to be free. When the librarian finally stepped over to ask how she could help me, I explained why I was there. She smiled hugely. "Perfect. We were starting ta despair of anyone applying for that job. We posted tha original ad nearly a month ago. Let me get tha head librarian for ye. Her name is Brianna Magee and she is also our director. She makes all the hiring decisions and interview appointments. One moment please." I nodded and she walked off toward the rear offices. A minute or two later, she was walking back with another woman close at hand. The second woman was a tall, redheaded woman, with pale skin and very dark eyes. She was dressed very professionally, but comfortably. She stuck out her hand for a handshake as soon as she was close enough.

I shook her hand. "Hi, I'm [y/n]. I'm here about the job. It sounds like a dream fit. I have a degree in computers and have experience working in libraries. Here is a copy of my resume." I handed the paper over to her. She smiled at me as she took it, reading it over carefully. After a few minutes she asked me to clarify a few points, which I did, and she went back to reviewing my qualifications. I told her I would contact my references as soon as I could if they needed them, but it might be a few days before I could. 

"Well, Ms. [y/n], this looks very promising. I won't sugar coat this. We are in need of someone ta start this week. We have five computers down and our other technician is out right now, due ta a car accident. Can ye stay for an interview in about forty-five minutes? I need to call him in and one other person, but I would like ta do this as soon as possible. Do ye have a place to stay?" 

I blinked. "Uh, yeah, I can stay for an interview. I am currently staying at [Hotel name], but if I get the job, I will start looking for an apartment this afternoon. Do you have any recommendations about places to look?"

Ms. Magee smiled. "Indeed I do. I actually know of an apartment that would be perfect. I know the manager, and will call him after the interview if ye are interested. It's close by, enough so ye could walk if ye needed ta, inexpensive, and comes with the option of furnished or not. A few other staff members rent from tha same complex, so you would have people close by who you could get to know relatively quickly. Well, please follow me." I followed, swallowing nerves and excitement alike. I could do this. Within half and hour the other people who would be interviewing me arrived. I sat, waiting patiently, reading a book that caught my eye, while they looked over my resume. When they were all ready Ms. Magee cleared her throat to get my attention. I looked up and the interview started. They asked the usual questions, which I answered easily. The computer tech asked me some technical questions, which I answered, and they asked me to demonstrate a repair on a machine, which I did. After that, they asked me to wait outside the conference room for a few minutes. I shrugged my purse onto my shoulder and grabbed the book I had been reading. I found a seat and resumed reading. I was so wrapped up in the story, that I actually missed the door opening and the people coming back out. I jumped when i felt a hand touch me on the shoulder. Ms. Magee held out her hand and informed me, "Thank ye so much for waiting. If ye are interested in starting right away, the job is yers. We will contact yer references later, but right now, let me give ye a full tour and get tha paperwork started for ye."

By the afternoon, I had not only gotten a job at the library, I had gotten an apartment. Ms. Magee had called the manager right away, while I was working on the new hire paperwork, and I was given an apartment tour appointment an hour later. After the tour, I agreed the place looked perfect and signed the lease. The manager called my cousin up, letting Jacob know and getting a reference at the same time. Once the manager had my reference. he told me I could move in immediately. The apartment had been empty for several months now, so there was no cleanup or repairs to finish. I called my mother and had her get some of my belongings out of storage and ship them to me at my new address. Then, I used some of my savings to go buy the furniture I would need that wasn't provided, arranged delivery for the next day, and bought some basic necessities like bedding, towels, and food. After that, I was exhausted. I headed back to the hotel I had been staying at, checked out, and headed back to my new apartment. The previous tenant had left a couch in the spare bedroom, so I made up a bed on that and went to sleep, dreaming of all the new and exciting things my life suddenly held in store for me. 

The next morning, I got up and took a shower, still thinking about all the changes in my life. I got dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, knowing I might be moving furniture around, and made myself some breakfast from the food I had gotten the previous day. I then looked at my phone, checking the time. The furniture was supposed to be delivered around nine-thirty and it was currently nine twenty-seven. I set my drink down, turned my phone off and put it on the counter, and headed for the front door. Just as I was reaching for the doorknob, there was a knock. I opened the door and the delivery men started carrying in the bed, chairs, table, couch, TV, computer desk, and dressers I had purchased. It took about two hours. I got everything arranged to my satisfaction, making my bed neatly, before heading to the living room and adding the throw and pillows I had bought for the couch, so the room didn't look so empty. I had just finished installing the wall mounting bracket for the TV when there was another knock at the door. I was puzzled, but quickly went over and answered the door. Two people I had never met before were standing outside. One was a man, and one was a woman, and they were rather obviously a couple. I smiled at them, and asked them if they would like to come in. There is no harm in being friendly, I thought to myself. They nodded and stepped inside. I offered them a seat and asked if they would like a drink, introducing myself in the process. They declined a drink as they sat down on my new couch. The woman spoke up first. "Hi, we're your neighbors. We just wanted to come say hello! We saw the furniture being moved in, and it's been a quite a while since the last people moved out of this place. I'm Signe. This is my boyfriend, Jack." Jack gave a little wave. "We are usually around if you need anything or just want to chat or hang out. We're friendly, I swear! " We all chuckled a little. I looked at Jack again and suddenly realized who he was. 

I blurted out "Oh my god! You're JackSepticEye!" I tried to stay cool, but on the inside I was fan-girling super HARD!

Jack grinned. "I take it, ye've watched my videos?"

I nodded. "Um, yeah. I'm a subscriber and fan of your stuff. Oh god, that sounds creepy doesn't it. I swear, I'm not a stalker! I didn't even know what city you live in!" I was blushing so hard, I was amazed I hadn't past out.

Signe and Jack laughed, but not in a mean way. "Calm down. I like meeting fans. Besides, we are the ones who approached ye, not tha other way 'round. Now since ye know who we are and what I do, what is it ye do, [y/n]? Besides watch my videos, I mean."

I explained about my new job. I relaxed as I talked about libraries and computers. I explained about being interviewed and hired on the spot. Then I told them about the rest of yesterday and the furniture delivery this morning, apologizing for my sloppy appearance. They waved it off and I stood up. I walked over and looked at my new TV. Finally, I turned around. "Jack, I hate to ask this after just meeting you, but could you possibly help me lift this onto the wall mounting bracket? I could probably do it myself, but I'm a little afraid I'll drop it. The bracket is already up and secured." Jack nodded and got up to help. The TV was up in just a few minutes and I heaved a sigh of relief, thanking him profusely. 

He just waved it off. Signe giggled and when we looked at her, she said "Jack loves to show off his plus one biceps! I'm a little surprised he didn't comment about them." We all laughed at that and Jack did start joking about them after that. 

I turned to Signe and said "Now look what you started." We both were giggling hard. Eventually, we all settled in and had a lovely chat, the afternoon slipping by unnoticed, until Jack suddenly jumped up and swore. "Are you okay Jack?" I asked.

He nodded. "I just need ta go record some videos. It's later than I thought. See ye again soon, [y/n]. It was great ta meet ye. Are ye coming Signe, or are ye going ta hang out here?" 

Signe looked thoughtful for a moment before looking at me and saying "Well, as long as she doesn't mind, I think I'll hang out with [y/n]. I'm having a lot of fun, and I know you need to focus. See you later sweetie!" Jack left with a wave, and I closed the door behind him. Signe and I wandered into the kitchen and grabbed some snacks before going back into the living room and chatting once more. We were getting along wonderfully and I was grateful to have a new friend, which it was becoming clear that Signe was going to be. We talked about anything and everything until eventually she had to go. As she stood up to leave, Signe promised she would be back soon and we would hang out together often. I smiled, happy. I waved goodbye to her as she walked over to her apartment and closed the door once she was inside. I had awesome neighbors, a great job, and was living in Ireland. It suddenly hit me. My life was finally back on track. 

After I got some dinner, I booted up my laptop and logged onto Skype, having hooked up wireless internet the previous evening. When I looked, I was thrilled to see several of my friends online. I started chatting away with them, telling them about my move and new job. They were all thrilled for me. I may have failed to mention living next to a certain YouTuber for his own privacy, but I mentioned I had made friends with one of the neighbors. Eventually, I started yawning and told my friends I need to go get some sleep. They started teasing me telling me how early it was, until I reminded them of the time difference and the fact that I had been moving furniture around for a good portion of the day. I logged off, took a shower and changed clothes and hopped into my brand new bed. I fell asleep quickly.


	2. Bonding With New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You settle into your new life and the unexpected friendship you have with your neighbors gets stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see an {a/n --} it's an author's note. Typically I don't use them, but sometimes I need to explain something as it's happening instead of at the end of the chapter or the beginning. 
> 
> Also, any chapters that are NSFW will be noted with a * in the chapter title. They might not happen for a while, but I like to warn people ahead of time.

I never expected to actually become friends with Jack and Signe, but fate seemed to have other plans for me. As I settled into my new job, I found myself hanging out with them more and more often. At first, it was because mail was being delivered to the wrong person, or Signe saw me coming home and wanted someone to hang out with while Jack was busy with YouTube. Not that I minded, but it was unexpected. Signe and I became friends first, but Jack and I had a lot of shared interests too. When Jack's computer tried to delete half his hard drive, he called me, and I was able to help him recover it. Plus, I have always been a gamer girl, so I knew about new games and had played a ton of old ones. Sometimes I would join a gaming session, off camera, with one, or both of them, and we always had a ton of fun. I liked hanging out with them when we could all find the time. Before I knew it, I had been living in Ireland for six months and my family back home in the U.S. was asking when I would come back for a visit. I had missed the holidays, due to scheduling issues and the cost of airline tickets during the months of November and December. I kept telling them soon, but I didn't know when. Finally, my chance came in April. I would have three weeks off, which meant I could visit my family for two and then spend a few days with friends before flying back. My friends were all super pumped, but asked me if they could meet me at a convention they were all going to instead of having to have me travel all over the place. I agreed, asking where and what convention. Apparently, they had all gotten tickets to PAX East, but it was sold out now. I giggled slightly to myself and told them I would try to make it. Maybe I knew someone who could get me in... 

I decided to ask Jack that evening. I knew he was going, and he had already offered to help me get in. I hadn't known about my friends plans at the time, just that I would be on vacation, so I had declined. Hopefully, I could still get his help now. Signe and I had planned to have a girls night in, but half the time we planned these evenings Jack would get tired of editing and join us. Since we were usually playing video games or watching movies, we didn't really mind, although we teased him about it none the less. When I knocked on the door to Jack's and Signe's apartment, Jack answered the door. He grinned and waved me in, asking what our plans for the evening were. I smirked at him. "Pizza, video games, and pajamas." 

Jack groaned. "Are ye trying ta torture me? That's just evil." 

Signe laughed, walking up behind Jack. "Yup. Is it working? You could always join us you know. For some strange reason, we kind of like spending time with you. Not sure why though." I laughed too. 

Jack made a face. "I need ta record something ta post. Besides Mark and I were going ta Skype. Argh. Why do I have ta be a responsible grown-up?" 

Signs and I laughed again. Then I got an idea. "Hey, maybe instead of hanging out at my apartment, we could hang out here. That way Jack, you could at least get some pizza and hang out with us after you are done recording." Signe looked over at me and nodded. 

"Great idea, [y/n]. Plus Jack can hear how good we are and be all jealous of our mad skills." We exchanged looks and giggled helplessly. Neither of us were bad, but we certainly weren't that good either. 

Jack shook his head at us, smiling fondly. "Okay, twist my arm why don't ye." 

I giggled again. "Then I won't even need to mention the cupcakes I made. Oh good."

Jack groaned again. "Like I thought, EVIL." Signe laughed as she headed over to my apartment with me to gather my laptop and the cupcakes. I changed into my comfy pajama pants and a baggy t-shirt before we headed back to the other apartment. Jack smirked at me when we got back. "Nice outfit." 

I looked down and blushed a little. Without paying attention, I had grabbed my Markiplier pajama pants and a Septic Eye Sam shirt. I shrugged it off after a second. "Well, you knew I was a fan. Besides, it's comfy and that's what I want for pajamas. Now hush, or no cupcakes for Jackaboy!" Signe laughed when Jack pouted. 

Jack turned to her with a whine in his voice. "She's so mean to me. Why do up ye hang out with her?" I knew he was joking, but it still made me frown a little. I wasn't mean.

"I hang out with her, because she is awesome. Now don't you have some recording to do? We'll call you when the pizza gets here." Signe leaned over a gave Jack a kiss on the cheek before making little shooing motions with her hands. Jack kissed her back and headed into their kitchen, emerging a minute later with a bottle of water and a cup of coffee. He stepped down the hall for just a minute, before coming back. Signe and I both looked at him curiously before he blushed slightly and grabbed a cupcake. We laughed again and started chatting, just catching up on each other's week so far. As we chatted, we both booted up our laptops and got ready to play some games. Eventually, we ordered the pizza and when it got here, Signe went off to get Jack. When she came back, she was dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt as well. Jack came down from his office and joined us as we ate. 

Eventually, I steered the topic to PAX East and asked Jack if he could still get me a pass. He grinned. "Shouldn't be a problem. What made ye change your mind, if ye don't mind me asking?" I explained that my friends had all planned to attend before I knew when my vacation was going to be, and how it would be the best way to meet up with all of them in the short time I would be in the States. Jack nodded understanding. "If I can't get an extra ticket, I'll ask Mark. They always include a plus one on tha invites, and he never brings anyone. Maybe he will help out. Besides I want ta meet yer friends." 

"Thanks Jack."

"No problem, [y/n]. In fact, it'll be easier if I just ask him tonight, although he may want ta meet ye over Skype." I shrugged a little. Since I had been hanging out with Jack for over six months, I was a lot less likely to fangirl, at least out loud. Internally, absolutely, but externally at least, I could stay cool. Jack grinned at me. "Are ye going ta change clothes or do yer hair and makeup?" 

Signe laughed. "Jack, you silly, when does she ever wear makeup, really? And it's just a Skype call. Now, I'm bored with this conversation, can we please get back to the game, [y/n]?"

I nodded and we resumed our game. Jack watched Signe play, occasionally making suggestions, but not ignoring me either. After a while, and several pieces of pizza later, Jack got up and went back upstairs. Signe and I waved a brief goodbyes he left, but didn't stop playing until he came back with his laptop and cleared his throat. We both jumped, startled out of our game focus, and looked up. Jack came over and sat down on the couch next to Signe. Was sitting on her other side, so I didn't see Jack's screen at first. After a second and a glance at Jack, Signe paused her game and set her laptop on the table in front of her. She took Jack's computer in her lap and I noticed that Jack was on a call. He hadn't said anything since he walked in, but it hadn't been very long either. Jack leaned over and resumed the conversation as Signe waved a little. I heard the voice on the other end for the first time a few seconds later. It was Mark. He said, "Hi, Signe. Always nice to see you. You look as lovely as ever." Signe giggled a little, as Mark continued. "So where is this mystery woman I am supposed to be meeting Jack? You know I have met Signe before, in person even. Are you playing some kind of prank on me?" Jack was signaling me to lean over and say hi, but Signe was looking at me mischievously. I silently laughed and got up, ducking behind the arm of the couch as she spun the laptop around the room, showing an apparently empty space. When she settled it back on her lap, I climbed back on the couch. Jack growled and grabbed the laptop, spinning it to face me before I could run off again. He laughed when I squeaked. Mark looked confused. I guess our antics weren't as easy to figure out from a slow spin around the room and a sudden jerking motion. Signe was laughing again, and I blushed, but didn't say anything. Mark finally just said "What the hell just happened?" 

I cleared my throat. "Um, Signe and I were playing a prank on Jack. Right before she spin the camera, I hid, so all you saw was the empty room. While I was sitting back down, Jack stole his computer back and focused the screen on me. Hi. I'm [y/n], by the way. I live next door to these two." I pointed in the direction of Jack and Signe. Mark started laughing. I kept blushing and looked down, a little embarrassed. In fact, I pulled my knees up to my chest and hid my face. Suddenly Jack and Mark were both laughing much harder. I looked up. 

Mark gasped out "Nice clothes." I had forgotten I was in my pajamas, so I stuck out my tongue and picked up my own laptop, ready to relaunch my game and ignore the heckling. "Hey, I'm sorry. We were just teasing, [y/n]. It's nice to meet you. You didn't exactly sound Irish, though. I can't quite figure your accent out actually."

I grinned. "I'm originally from the East Coast of the US, but I have been in Ireland for just over six months now. I have the tendency to pick up the accent of where ever I am, or whoever I am talking to, so your LA accent is kind of bringing back my American accent. My friends always tease me about it, telling me I am faking it or I should learn to do it on purpose. It's worse when I read or listen to an audiobook with an accent because I start talking like the characters. It can be kind of hard to explain, especially since about half the time I don't realize it's happening." **_{A/N -- This really happens to me. XD Try explaining why when you read Harry Potter for example you suddenly have a British accent after your lunch break. Such a freaky talent.}_**

Mark grinned. "That's really awesome! I have never known anyone who could do that. "

Jack grinned and interjected "Yeah. Startled the bejeezus outta me tha first time she did it. I thought I was losing my mind." Signe guffawed. Jack elbowed her playfully. "Quiet woman."

Mark was laughing as well. "Oh, Jack, I can see they keep you on your toes over there. So [y/n], what did you want to ask me? Jack said you had a question."

I looked at Jack, who nodded at me and mouthed 'ask about the convention'. I made a face at him. "Well, I'm a little embarrassed about asking. Jack suggested it otherwise I would never bring it up, but is there anyway you have an extra ticket to PAX East? My friends in America are all going and I am on vacation visiting my family around then. My friends didn't want to miss the convention, and suggested I try to go, instead of trying to fly all over the country to see them for a day or two. I told them I would try, but I couldn't promise anything." 

Jack added his two cents. "I thought ye could take her on tha plus one they always send. I'll be taking Signe, otherwise I would have given her that ticket. Actually, I wanted ye, Bob, and Wade ta meet her anyway. She's a lot of fun. I think she and Signe are new besties." Signe nodded. I grinned. 

Mark laughed at our mugging and goofing around. "Well, it's not like I was going to use it anyway. Do you have someplace in Boston you are staying, [y/n]? Or should I just give the ticket to Jack when I see him? I have the feeling he has your cell phone number and knows how to reach you." Jack raised an eyebrow. "Or Signe does at least." She giggled and nodded. 

"Well, my friends said I could crash with them. They are all getting there at different times and days, but the first of them is flying in from Japan and she gets in two days before the convention, so she booked at least one room starting then. I'll probably aim to get there at the same time. I think two weeks of my family will be enough." 

"Japan? Someone's coming from Japan for tha convention? Wow." Jack looked genuinely surprised.

I laughed a little. "Well, actually she's coming to visit her family and friends. She's teaching English over there for three years, and this is her final year. She made it home for the holidays, so she's just going to spend a few nights with the family before coming to the convention. I actually thought we would probably travel together to the convention. My friends are all scattered pretty far and wide, so that's why I am making the extra effort. Japan, LA, Seattle, New York City, Georgia, Maine, and Mexico. It's crazy considering we all started just outside of Washington, DC. " 

Mark whistled softly. "That's pretty scattered all right. And you're in Ireland. Was it as hard to leave them as it was for me to leave my friends?"

I looked at the camera, noticing how sad and sincere he looked. "Well, they had all left already. That's kind of the main reason I decided to visit England. I was visiting extended family, a cousin, for an undetermined amount of time. I even took a temp job there. I decided after it was done to travel and explore Scotland and Ireland. When I got to Ireland, I loved it so much here I extended my visit for several extra days. A few days before I was supposed to leave, I saw a made-to-order job, which I was hired on the spot for. I moved in to the apartment next door the following day. I got my visa switched to a working visa within a few days, and I'm loving it here." 

Jack chuckled. "I swear, she has tha luck of tha Irish."

I gave him a look. "Hey. I have a ton of Irish ancestors. Probably close to two thirds of my heritage is either Irish or Scottish, leaning a lot more toward the Irish side of things."

He held up a hand. "Sorry. I didn't mean ta get ye all riled up."

Signe laughed. "An Irish temper, too." Everyone laughed at that, even me.

Eventually, Signe and I let Mark and Jack get back to their discussion, resuming our game. We even forgot Jack was in the room. I made a spectacular save in the game and we cheered. Jack looked over and grinned. I looked a little sheepish, said a quiet "Sorry," and focused on the game again. Signe turned to Jack and began explaining what had happened. Mark apparently was still listening because he was the next one who spoke.

"She's a gamer too? What other talents does she have hidden away?"

Signe answered. "She bakes." She picked up a cupcake and showed it to Mark. Jack leaned over and started eating it out of her hand, making her laugh and Mark make a face. "She is really good at computers. She is really good with children, and childish adults." She gave a mock glare to Jack, who stuck out his tongue to demonstrate his maturity. "She is really funny and sweet. That's why I like her. Plus she can geek out even more than Jackaboy, here. And that's saying something." Signe looked over at me. I was focused on the game still, not really hearing what they were saying. "And she has super focus when she wants to, although, to be honest, that isn't that often and usually over a game, computer, or something she is reading. She reads a LOT. But then again she works for a library, so I guess that makes sense." Mark nodded.

Finally, I looked up. "Are you coming back to the game or are you going to talk? It's almost time for the next wave." I put my headphones back on and went back into the game. Signe looked at the two men.

"Yeah, she is super focused, but can be a little single-minded, unlike some people. BUT sometimes she gets distracted be a wisp of air or a shadow on the wall. But she's so much fun to be around I don't mind. Besides, I'm kind of used to it. Have a good evening Mark!" With that she leaned over and kissed Jack, put her headphones back on, and resumed the game. 

Jack smiled fondly at her and told Mark he was going to take his laptop back up stairs. They continued their conversation until Mark had to go record a game for the day. Meanwhile, Signe and I were kicking some major butt in our game. We played for another few hours, until I started to yawn. I told her I was going to stand up and stretch, and she logged out as well. We both got up and stretched for several minutes, twisting in place, shaking out stiff muscles, and reaching down and touching our toes, just to get some circulation going again. I looked at the time and was surprised. It was already midnight. I apologized for staying so late, promised to see her soon for another girls night, grabbed my laptop, and wished her goodnight, asking her to tell Jack I said goodbye as well. I walked home with my laptop and the platter from the cupcakes, having left most of them for Jack and Signe. I had two left for me, so I was happy. I put everything away, brushed my teeth, and headed to bed. It had been a good, if busy day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo. Second chapter! Thanks for reading and thank you to the people who have left kudos. I will try to update this every few days, but my other story (The Other Side Of The Camera) has been getting most of my writing time lately. 
> 
> That being said, writing two chapters a day isn't out of the question, but it's difficult some days due to health issues, and the fact that even my "short" chapters are at least 1750 words. I do post something daily unless I have stated ahead of time why I will be missing a day (or a few). 
> 
> I thought this was actually going to be a short chapter. (Hides face after realizing it's over 3000 words). Oh god.
> 
> Let me know if you have requests! I may not work everything into this story, but if I can, I will try to write it in to something. Have a terrific day.


	3. Skype Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You talk to your friends and get a Skype friend request.

For a few days after my evening with Signe and Jack, I was too busy to see much of them, with work taking over my world. The library had just gotten six new computers which I had to get ready and set up for the public to use. We had special software I had to install to protect the computers from harm, intentional and otherwise, as well as software to help us keep track of the amount of time a user was logged in and any software we didn't need had to be taken out. Each machine took about eight hours of time to get ready, so I was slammed and working far more hours than normal. We needed to have them out to the public within five days, because of an upcoming program where I was to teach a class on computer basics, and these computers were to be used for that class. I was also preparing for that, so even when I wasn't physically at work, my mind was on work far more than usual. When the computers were finally ready and the class over, which, by the way went extremely well, it was Friday and I needed a quiet weekend. My supervisor knew how much extra I had been putting in, or at least some of it, so he let me leave as soon as the class was done, at eleven in the morning. I smiled and thanked him, but was secretly glad. I needed to unwind and was mentally exhausted. I drove home, grabbing some takeout on my way, changed into old comfortable clothes, pulled my hair out of my face, and grabbed my laptop. I plopped down on the couch in my living room, fully expecting not to move until Monday, except for food and bathroom breaks. When I booted my computer up, I saw a few of my friends were online. I logged in to Skype to call one of them. Jeanna was online, as was Freddy and Carmen. I wasn't surprised to see Jeanna, since it was currently almost eight pm where she was, but I wondered why Carmen and Freddy were up so early, after all it wasn't quite noon here, making it before eight am for them. I gave a little mental shrug and clicked on Jeanna's name, opting to call her first to talk about the upcoming visit.

"Oh my god! [Y/n]! I haven't seen you online in ages! Where have you been and what's new with you? Tell me everything!" I had nearly forgot how bubbly Jeanna was. "Oh, wait, let me guess. You couldn't get tickets to PAX East and want to complain." I blushed a little and shook my head. "YOU GOT TICKETS?!?" I nodded. "Amazing! So are you calling to tell me how overworked you are?" She smirked when she said this.

"Hey! Just because I work hard, doesn't mean I don't love what I do! This was actually not a complaint call. I wanted to chat about your visit to the US. I was wondering when you were going to be getting back to town. I mean, I'll be around and I was wondering if you wanted to head up to the convention together and save some gas, share the driving, whatever."

Jeanna giggled. "Sounds great! I'll be in the US for the whole week before, from Monday on, but I think I'm probably going to be worthless for the first day or so, just because of the Jet lag and time differences. I didn't mean anything bad about your work, by the way, just that you are always working too hard. I bet you're home in the middle if the day because your boss sent you home for working too many hours this week. Am I right?"

I blushed again. "Yeah. But it means I can chat with you, so I'm not complaining. We had a big project and a short deadline, so I put in way too many hours this week. The deadline was this morning and we made it, so I got sent home as soon as it was over. I'm parking it for the weekend, playing an obscene amount of video games, watching Netflix, and generally just vegging out. What are your plans for the weekend, oh social one?" 

Jeanna laughed. "Like you ever do anything else. I swear you are more of a hermit every time I talk to you. Do you have any friends nearby yet? Or are you too wrapped up in work? I bet you don't even know your next door neighbors."

"That's a bet you'd lose! Actually, my new bestie over here is my next door neighbor. She's super awesome. She's an artist and gamer and lives with her boyfriend, who is also super cool. I will probably be gaming with her this weekend if she's free. So there." I stuck out my tongue and Jeanna laughed again. "Now were you dodging my question, or am I truly the more social one this weekend?"

Jeanna gave me a look. "You are never the more social one. I'm going out clubbing in a little while, and have plans with friends for the next few days. And I apologize for assuming you were being your usual hermetic self. Maybe there's hope for you yet."

I grinned. "What exactly does that mean? I'm fine the way I am!"

Jeanna shook her head. "Sweetie, we've all been talking about you lately whenever we can find each other online. You're hardly ever on anymore, and when you are, you never stay long. You look worn out and sound exhausted most often when we do talk to you. Come on, we're your oldest friends, we know you. And you are still not seeing anyone as far as any of us can tell. Unless you're dating someone over there, now?" She raised an eyebrow hopefully, but lowered it when I shook my head. "We want you to be happy, which you seem to be happier there than you were back in the US, but we miss you and can't check on you when you're so far away. Please promise you are taking care of yourself."

I swallowed, a lump in my throat, before answering. "Yes, I swear I am okay. I'm not lonely. I really love Ireland. It's so beautiful, green, and the temperature is perfect. Yes, it rains a lot, but you know how much I love the rain. Does that not sound like my ideal living conditions? I have some wonderful neighbors, a great job, and coworkers I enjoy working with. Yes, I miss you guys a ton, but even when I was in the states, it's not like any of you were anywhere nearby. Hell, most of you had left so long ago I rarely saw anyone at all! No, I haven't met anyone, but I'm not really out looking right now either. I'm fine with just friendships right now. " I paused for a minute and grabbed my drink. "Hey, not to change the subject or anything, but when is your last year in Japan up? Maybe you could come visit me for a little while when you're done."

Jeanna smiled. "Smooth, girl. Real smooth. Okay I'll tell everyone you're alright. I'll be done in Japan in May. I have already shipped almost everything back to the states, except my clothes and the stuff I am using to teach. My furniture is all rented anyway, so it's not like I had much to deal with. I'll check into visiting you when I come back, if you want. I would actually love to meet your neighbors and see your apartment in person." I smiled, not mentioning who my neighbors were had been a wise move. I also failed to mention they would be at the convention as well, just so I could surprise my friends. I knew most of them were fans of Jack and Mark as well. "Well, sweetie, as much as I hate to leave you hanging, I have to go get ready. Someone is coming over to pick me up in an hour." I rolled my eyes, knowing she wouldn't be ready if that was all the time she had, and wished her goodbye, promising to talk again soon. I checked Skype and saw Carmen was still on, so I dialed her next.

"Whadup, nerd?" I giggled at her usual phone greeting. She paused for a minute. "Oh, my god! [Y/n]! I didn't see who was calling me! Hey babe, how's tricks?"

I was still smiling when I answered her. "Oh, the first greeting was appropriate. I'm good. How about you? What are you doing up this early? I saw you were online before eight am. You're never up that early. Is everything okay?"

Carmen looked away. "Yeah, um, my new boyfriend is an early riser and I have been getting up with him lately." She blushed slightly. I knew her, so I didn't ask why. "He's really awesome. Hey are you coming to the convention? I am bringing him along, so you can meet him then if you can make it. I thought of hijacking his ticket for you, but decided against it when you said you thought you had a way to get a ticket. So any luck?"

I took a deep breath. "Yup. I'll be there. My ticket is all set. I have a friend who knows someone with an extra ticket. Actually, the friend wanted me to come too, since he'll be there. It was his idea to ask the other person, who agreed. I'm looking forward to seeing everybody. It's been a long time! So what's new with you?" She launched into a detailed explanation of everything new in her life, including a new set of responsibilities at work. We chatted for nearly an hour when someone knocked on my door. I excused myself but didn't hang up. When I answered the door, it was Signe. She told me she thought she had heard my voice and I explained I was on a Skype call with a friend. I asked if she wanted to meet Carmen, but Signe declined. She told me she was actually over here to bum a favor. She needed to borrow my car to go grocery shopping, if I didn't mind. I grabbed my keys and handed them over, wishing her good luck, and waving goodbye as she dashed off. I knew what had happened, having seen it before. Either she and Jack were completely out of food, or she had eaten all his snacks and she wanted to restock them before he noticed. I was betting on the latter. When I got back, I explained what had happened to Carmen, leaving out the names of the neighbors, but mentioning they were my friends. Carmen grinned and we continued chatting until she had to leave to go get ready for work. I told her goodbye and settled back into the couch, logging off Skype. I was too tired to talk to anyone else for a while. I was just loading Steam, when I heard another knock on the door. I groaned and got up once again. It was Jack. 

"Hey, ye're home! I wasn't sure, but I thought I'd check anyway. Are ye okay? Don't ye usually have ta work at this time?"

I smiled and invited him in. "Yeah, but I've worked so much overtime this week I got sent home. I'm just tired. If you're looking for your girlfriend, she borrowed my car to go run some errands."

Jack nodded. "She told me she was going out. Actually, I wanted ta talk ta ye for a minute." I raised my eyebrows. "After tha Skype call tha other day, Mark has been asking a lot of questions about ye. He even asked for yer Skype username. I didn't have it, and I wanted ta check with you before I just started giving yer information away anyway."

I laughed. I knew Signe had it. "Jack, it's fine. You can give it to whoever you decide, but please have them tell me who they are and that they know you in the friend request. My handle is [Skype Username] and my number is [Skype number]. Now, do you want something to eat since you're here? I have some takeout and leftovers if you're hungry."

Jack grinned crookedly. "Um, yeah, how did ye know? I may have forgotten ta eat yet today..."

I laughed. "Well, Signe mentioned she needed to go get food, so I suspected. Now what do you want to eat?" I gave him some choices and we sat down to eat. My food had gotten cold long ago, but I didn't mind. Jack and I chatted as we ate, and I felt some of my energy coming back. Jack asked me about my plans for the weekend and what games I was planning to play. He stayed for nearly an hour before he excused himself, telling me he needed to go record. I nodded, understanding, and waved him goodbye. Then I sat down and began playing some serious Rocket League. 

I got through about half the season before I got a notification on my phone. I glanced over at it. I had a new friend request on Skype. I minimized Rocket League, making sure I was between matches and exiting out to the main menu, and opened Skype back up. When I clicked on the invite, I saw a thumbnail of Mark, so I clicked the details. It sure seemed like him, so I accepted. A few seconds later, a chat window opened, confirming it was him. He told me he really liked me from what he could tell so far, and wanted to talk some more. I grinned, realizing he couldn't see me, and did a little happy dance around the room. I replied that I had enjoyed meeting him as well. We chatted for half an hour before my door was once again knocked upon. I told Mark I would be back in just a minute and went to answer. It was Signe. She returned my keys and thanked me. I grinned and told her it was no problem, not mentioning I had also fed Jack while she was gone. He would tell her later. I invited her in, but she shook her head. "I have to go put the food away and make something for Jack." She looked at me when I chuckled. "What?"

I admitted Jack had come over while she was out and I had given him some lunch. "He wanted to get my Skype info to give to Mark, and his stomach growled, so I shared some food. He left to go record, but he should be okay for a little while. I wasn't going to mention it, but I don't what you to feel guilty about being gone a while. He could have called for delivery or gone out, if he had been hungry enough too, you know." 

Signe smiled. "I know. He just gets working and forgets to eat. Silly man. Thanks again. Hey, you want to hang out this evening? Jack will probably be working, but I'm free." I smiled and nodded, then mentioned I was chatting with someone on Skype when she got here, so she left and promised to come back over in a little while. I headed back to my chat with Mark.

I apologized for being gone so long and we went back to chatting. I explained who was at the door and the conversation that followed. Mark seemed quite amused and told me Jack had told him about his earlier visit with me. Mark and I talked some more, the topics ranging from video games and movies to my trip home to visit family. We even ended up talking about the convention. Eventually, Mark told me he had to go edit, but he wold talk to me again soon. I told him good luck and logged out of Skype once more. Before I relaunched Rocket League, I got up and made a bathroom run, grabbed a bag of chips and some fresh salsa, a pitcher of cold water and glass, and turned my smart TV on. I loaded YouTube and started watching some of the videos I had missed this week, because of work. I smiled when I heard Jack's usual intro and was listening to him play a new simulator game while I snacked and reloaded my game. For the rest of the afternoon, I just watched YouTube and played games, complete zoning out. I was actually startled when Signe knocked and called out to me again. I opened my door and let her in. She was dressed in pajamas and had her laptop, so I offered her a drink and some chips, but she declined. She grinned when she saw I was watching YouTube and laughed when she realized it wasn't Jack or Mark. "So you actually watch other people too, huh? Jack will be crushed." 

I grinned. "He can handle it. Besides, I already watched a bunch of his videos today. I have been binge watching while I play Rocket League. So what do you want to watch and play this evening?"

Signe and I settled on the couch and I handed the remote to her, letting her pick what we would watch. We ended up watching a comedy which turned out to be terrible, but it was still fun. We weren't even paying it much attention most of the time, since we were playing games. When the movie ended, I grabbed the remote and made a different selection. I opted for my favorite cooking show, Cutthroat Kitchen. Signe had never seen it before and she was laughing her butt off at the things the chefs were doing to each other, so much so we had to stop playing the game, because we were both too distracted. We decided to keep watching, just binge-watching as much as we could. Some of the sabotages the show had were pretty rough, but we still enjoyed it a lot, making suggestions for what we might do to get around a particular obstacle. When we both decided we were hungry, we paused the marathon long enough to go make dinner. I had all the fixing for a fast stir fry, with the veggies already cut up, so I put on the rice cooker and started cooking. I asked Signe if she wanted to go get Jack and she agreed, I told her I would leave the door unlocked, so they could just come in when they were ready. I hummed as I chopped some garlic, ginger, green onions, and sliced the beef into thin strips. Dinner was just finishing when they got back. Signe's eyes got huge. "How did you finish all this in that short an amount of time?" 

I smirked. "I'm talented. That and the veggies were already cut. Now grab a plate and help yourselves. Anybody want chopsticks?" They both nodded and I handed them out. "Drinks are in the fridge, help yourselves. I also have some water in the living room. " I grabbed a plate for myself and loaded some rice on the bottom, scooping the fragrant stir fry over top, making sure I got plenty of sauce. I grabbed my favorite pair of chopsticks and a bottle of diet cola out of the fridge and carried everything back to the living room, settling back into the couch. Signe and I asked Jack if he minded watching the a cooking show. He made a face, but agreed. I winked at Signe and we started the next episode. Jack got just as into as we were, laughing and pointing out things people could have done along with us. When the episode ended, I turned to Jack. "Sorry to make you suffer through that. We can watch something else if you want."

Signe snorted when Jack shook his head. He blushed a little and said "Just load tha next one. I had no idea cooking shows could be that funny. " We all laughed and watched several more episodes before Jack and Signe headed home. I yawned and got up to put the food away. After I was done with that, I grabbed a throw blanket and curled up on the couch, once again switching to YouTube. I grabbed my laptop and began looking over social media to see what my friends were up to. Eventually, I couldn't control the yawns and I looked down at the time. What the hell?I couldn't believe it was two am. I groaned and turned the TV off. I was just about to shut my laptop down as well when Skype started ringing at me. I glanced at the screen and saw it was Mark.

I answered, saying "Hi. I didn't expect to talk to you again so soon. Did you finish your editing?" 

He grinned. "Yup. All done. I was a little surprised to see you still online. What time is there anyway?"

I blushed. "A little after two. I was just turning my TV off and about to head to bed. But don't worry, I don't have to get up to go anywhere tomorrow, so I can talk, as long as I can stay awake. "

Mark smiled through the screen at me. "I'll try not to keep you long or bore you then." 

I grinned. "Fair enough. I'll try to stay awake then. So what did you want to talk about? Or did you just see me still online and want to say hi?"

Mark nodded. "The second one. And besides, I like talking to you. You're funny, smart, and know about video games and computers." 

"Why thank you, Mark. I don't know what else to say now."

Mark grinned. "Ah, speechless. My charms are working." I stuck my tongue out at him. "Actually, I was calling to ask you if you wanted to play a multiplayer collab with Jack and I sometime this weekend. I know you don't have a channel on YouTube, but we wouldn't necessarily have to record it, or we could record it and just introduce you as a mystery friend."

Let me think about it okay? I haven't told my friends I know Jack, and most of them watch his channel. I would really love to play, but I know you guys need to record and I don't want to screw up your schedules. "

Mark chuckled. "I take it you haven't seen Jack's last answering comments video then?" I looked confused and shook me head. "He talked about you quite a bit, although he didn't mention you by name. He was saying how much he liked hanging out with his new neighbor, a woman who was now close friends with Signe, and who was also a gamer. The original question he was answering was if he was still dating Signe, so he got a little off topic. He mentioned you again later in the same video when he answered a comment about whether his neighbors ever complained about noise." I laughed. "So, you didn't know?"

"No, Mark. I haven't had time to watch many videos this week. I was busy with work. I caught up on a few today, but ended up spending most of the day on Skype and hanging out with Signe and Jack. My friends all watch both of you. I was going to surprise them at the convention by introducing them to Jack there." I bit my lip. "Hmm. Maybe I could play and just not use a camera? I don't know if they would recognize my voice if they weren't expecting it. Especially if I don't shout much. What did you guys want to play? And what time? I'll figure something out. Ha. I could always wear a mask." Mark raised his eyebrows. "Well, my friends worry about me and I don't want anyone accusing me of trying to get famous off of people I think of as friends. Actually, I have the perfect plan now. Hang on just a minute." I put my laptop down and walked out of the range of the camera. When I came back on screen Mark laughed. I was grinning as well. Then I said "How's this?" 

Mark laughed even harder. "Oh god. No one on earth would recognize you in that. And it changed your voice! Holy hell, that's awesome! Where on earth did you get it?"

I chuckled, which came out as a deep rumble. "I made it. I had a cheap Darth Vader helmet that looked cool, but was too flimsy and uncomfortable to wear, so I used it to make a mold and got a voice changer box, which I programmed in. I poured the helmet and inserted the box while it was setting up. I added a breath vent and punched out the eye holes as well, replacing them with prescription sunglasses lenses, then I painted the whole thing. I'm really proud of it, and none of my friends have seen it." 

Mark smiled. "That's really cool. I have never seen a violet swirling galaxy Darth Vader helmet before. That's will make our recording session pretty epic! Especially, if you record over at Jack's apartment, so you can be on camera as well. Do you have video capture software?" I nodded. I used it to make some animations and make videos for work sometimes. "Okay, let me invite Jack on to this call. Don't take the helmet off, it's too perfect. Let's see if he can figure out who you are." I made a face, I hadn't told Mark that Jack had already seen the mask, not wanting to spoil his fun. Besides, I knew Mark couldn't see anything I did while I had the mask on, so I could make whatever faces I wanted. Just because I could I started making wild and strange faces at the camera. It made me giggle, which sounded really strange, Mark looked back up at me. "What was that noise?" 

I stopped giggling and said "Noise? What noise?"

Mark looked suspicious, but let it go. A minute later, Jack's face appeared on screen. "Hey, Mark what's up. I see ye're chatting with [y/n]. Hey, girl." He waved. I waved back. 

Mark looked like someone had just stolen his candy. "How did you... ? You've seen it before, then. Man. Anyway, we were wondering what time to record tomorrow and what we should record. Any suggestions?"

Jack laughed. 'Yes, She showed me tha mask when she finished painting it. Well, actually, she showed Signe and I was there. It's pretty freaking amazing. Why are ye wearing it now though?" He directed the last comment to me. 

I took off the helmet to answer. "Because I am going to wear it to record with you guys. I disguises my voice and hides my face. Heck, I could even start a YouTube channel with it and no one would ever know it was me except a few friends."

Mark and Jack both jumped on that idea. Mark was insistent in fact. I tried to tell them I was just joking, but they would have none of it. Finally, I agreed to create a channel and upload the collabs we filmed the next day. We agreed to start filming around five o'clock, Ireland time, or nine AM Los Angeles time. We debated back and forth as to what games we would play, but eventually settled on Cards Against Humanity, Prop Hunt, and Golf With Friends. I yawned again, this time so wide my jaw cracked. I was really struggling to stay awake. Jack noticed first, and told me "Go ta bed [y/n]. We can talk more tomorrow. I'll come over and get ye early so we can make sure yer channel is up and running ahead of time. I'll even help ye record a vlog ta introduce yerself and yer channel." I nodded and told them both goodnight, disconnecting from the call and shutting my computer off for the night. I never even made it into pajamas, just crawling onto the bed and passing out as soon as I got there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 3! Thanks for all the reads, kudos and comments. 
> 
> If any of you read my other fiction (On the Other Side of the Camera), you may have seen a note at the end of Chapter 25 about my new update schedule that will start on 6/28/16. Basically it's this:
> 
> Two chapters a day, everyday if I can. Main fiction (On the Other Side of the Camera) daily.  
> Monday -- Open / One shot (First few weeks are going to missed or only one chapter if I can manage it)  
> Tuesday -- How We Met  
> Wednesday -- New Fiction / Untitled Jack X Reader or Dan X Reader  
> Thursday -- How We Met  
> Friday -- A Question of Time (my original novel -- completely new characters, fantasy world, all my own stuff)  
> Saturday -- How We Met  
> Sunday -- New Fiction / Untitled Jack X Reader or Dan X Reader
> 
> So, look for regular updates soon! Thanks for reading! :) Have a fab day!


	4. Recording My First YouTube Video

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You post your first YouTube video and things take an interesting turn...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Instant messages and chats will be marked thusly: *conversation*, instead of "conversation" in the body of this work.
> 
> [Y/Y/N] -- Your YouTube Name

The next day I groaned as I rolled over. The sun was trying to poke out from behind the clouds and the light was right in my eyes. I had left the blinds open because I liked to watch the rain at night, so occasionally I had to deal with waking up to the sun in my eyes. I usually didn't mind, but I didn't usually stay up online until after three in the morning either, to be fair. I yawned, stretched and rolled over to look at the clock. It was ten in the morning. Bleah. I should get up. I dragged myself out of bed and took a shower, washing my hair, combing it out, and leaving it down to dry. I got dressed in my favorite black yoga pants and a Starbomb Tee shirt. I grabbed a pair of ballet slippers I used around the house and went into my kitchen. I grabbed a quick meal, cleaned up my dishes, and got my Wii out. I turned on the Wii Fit and did some exercise for about an hour, mostly stretching and running, until someone knocked on my door. When I looked it was Jack and Signe. I opened the door and let them in. Signe looked at my outfit and grinned. "Exercising?" 

I nodded and wiped my forehead with a damp napkin. I wasn't sweating much, but I was pretty warm. "Yeah. Wii Fit, since I don't really have any equipment and am to lazy to go to the gym. Plus, I can combine video games with something healthy, so yeah, of course that's what I'm going to do. What's up? I'm a little surprised to see the two of you so early in the day. I mean, I know Jack was up even later than I was, since he stayed talking to Mark after I signed off at quarter past three."

Jack grinned at me. "Sleep is for tha weak! And I had some coffee so I'm fine. Are ye ready ta get a channel set up and record yer first videos? I can't wait to help ye with this. Signe wants in on it too, so she came with me."

I nodded again. "Give me just a second to grab my helmet and pull my hair out of my face. What do I need, other than a camera, mic, and my computer?"

Jack looked at the equipment I had set out. It was a decent, if non-professional, camera, which should do fine for a while for me, a very high quality snowball microphone and spit guard, and my beast of a laptop. Everything was already hooked up together. "This should actually be really good. Where did ye get tha microphone? It's a good one." 

I smiled. "It was a present from someone who thinks I should record music. She gave it to me before she moved away. I have used it a few times, but not much, to be completely honest, because mostly I just chat with people and it's a little cumbersome for that. I got the spit guard when I recorded a vlog for work and heard how much clearer things were when I used one. "

Jack looked up. "Good. If ye are familiar with yer equipment, that's one less thing we have ta teach you. Now, go get yer stuff and get comfy, we are going ta set this up and record an introduction vlog, and I am going ta help ye upload it. Next, we'll go over ta my studio and record another vlog, with me introducing ye ta my fans, and load that ta my channel as a bonus video. It will probably be about time ta call Mark in after that, so let's get started."

I grabbed my helmet from the table, and finger combed my hair, pulling it out of my face with a stretchy headband. I settled onto the couch, opposite my camera and put the helmet on, tucking my hair up under the back, out of sight. Jack came over and sat down beside me, but not super close. He had me log onto YouTube, and I blushed a little as my homepage loaded, displaying his videos and Mark's at the top. He grinned at me, but otherwise ignored it. He explained about the creator mode, showing me how the dashboard worked, and helped me select some channel art from my computer. We actually went with some original art I had made, which Jack told me was amazing and should be perfect for the channel. I decided to create a second channel, just for uploading, and made my username [Y/Y/N]. I uploaded the artwork and took a picture in my helmet, making sure none of my personal details were showing or available, only the country. I reached forward and started changing the settings on the camera and microphone, adjusting the camera until things looked right. When I was satisfied, I pulled the microphone closer and started talking to the camera. I was surprised not to be nervous. Normally I hated being in front of a camera or speaking in front of large groups. Maybe it was the helmet, giving me a sense of security and anonymity, but whatever it was, it helped a lot. I stopped and started a few times, until I found a way to introduce myself I liked, using my new username in the intro. Once I was satisfied and had practiced a few times, I deleted all the videos I had shot so far. I started shooting for real this time and Jack came on about halfway through the vlog, when I introduced him. He talked for a few minutes, again mentioning I was the neighbor he had referred to in his last reading comments video, and then he moved off camera so I could wrap it up and do an outro, if I had one and wanted to use one. I made one up on the spot that had Signe and Jack cracking up. I decided to keep it. I looked up, taking off the helmet, and asked if anyone was hungry. As we ate lunch, I did a very quick video edit. My vlog wasn't that long, and I didn't really need to cut much out, so it only took me about half and hour. When I finished, I started surfing the web, until Jack looked over at me. "Okay, Miss YouTuber, it's time ta edit and render tha video. Let's get started."

I smirked. "But Jack, I already edited it. It's rendering now."

Jack looked at me. "How? You haven't ever uploaded ta YouTube before, have ye?"

"Well, actually, I have for work. Just not stuff I had recorded. I helped with book trailers and book reviews that got posted on the library account, so I knew how to do that already. I did it while we were eating. Not that I edited the video much. I didn't really think I needed to." Signe smiled and agreed. Jack looked thoughtful.

"Well, let's check tha progress. Yer video wasn't that long, so it shouldn't take very long ta render on yer computer, as beefy as it is. I'm kind of jealous. My laptop is a gaming rig, but it can't handle nearly what yers can." 

I smiled. "I might be able to help speed yours up, if you want me to look at it. I had to custom built this one, and I honestly over built it, even for all the gaming I do. Sometimes it feels like I'm wasting all it's capabilities. Well, anyway..." I clicked on the rendering software. It was nearly done, only having about two percent left. I looked up startled. "It says it has two percent left to render. That's can't be right, can it? I thought it would take at least an hour, not just over thirty minutes!" 

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Man, yer computer really is a beast. Once it finishes, try uploading it and we will watch it on my phone. That way ye get the extra view, and we can make sure it looks right." I nodded and blinked at my screen. One percent to go. Suddenly it was done. I clicked a few buttons and the video was ready to upload. I just used a second helmet photo as the thumbnail and uploaded the video. Jack's phone dinged, and he grinned. "I'm yer first subscriber, so I just got tha notification ye uploaded a video. Oh, good thumbnail picture. Now let's see how this looks." We watched the video, and I was surprised by how clear the sound and picture actually were. Granted, we were watching on a tiny phone screen, but it looked good to me. After it was over, Jack liked it and gave me the thumbs up. "That was a really good first video. Now, let's head over ta my studio and get tha second video recorded. I'm not quite as speedy as ye, so I might have ye make the thumbnail for me, while my video renders."

Signe giggled as she carried my helmet and camera. I looked at her. She whispered, "This is awesome. Not only does Jack have a new playmate for videos, but he's jealous. I subscribed to your channel too, by the way. I hope you will let me make occasional videos with you and do makeup tutorials from time to time." 

I grinned at her and whispered back, "Sure! Only thing is the makeup will have to be for you. I'm going to stay helmeted. I like the privacy, and I'm really not that good looking anyway, so just tell me when you want to do videos together. Oh, I just had an idea! We should record some of our 'girl's night in' sessions. Let people see what girl gamers do to relax. And we should have a weekly day of art based on user suggestions. You don't have to do those, if you don't want, but I think I will. Probably on Saturdays. Oh, I guess I'm going to need a second Facebook page, Twitter account, and Tumblr. Well, I can set those up pretty quickly." 

Signe grinned. "This is exciting! Jack's channel was already very established before we met, and it's been great seeing it grow, but just starting? This is really cool. And yes, I will do at least some of the art videos with you. Now, hurry up and set up the second Twitter account so I can tweet about how awesome you are to my followers. Jack will probably want to post something too." 

I chuckled. "Okay, okay. Jeez. Let me set my stuff down first." Jack had slowed down and was now walking beside us. We had kind of forgotten he was there. When he spoke up next, Signe and I both jumped.

"A second Twitter account is a good idea. Let me know what yer username is. I'll definitely tweet a shout-out about it. Ye can set it up while I get settled in ta record tha vlog." I nodded and followed Jack into his apartment and up to his studio. I sat down on a chair in the far corner of the room from his desk, out of site and booted my laptop up. I quickly loaded Twitter in my secondary browser, the one I rarely used, but occasionally needed for displaying certain plug-ins and pages that my main browser had trouble with. Since I rarely used it, it wasn't logged into the site. I created a new account, and fortunately the same username was available that I had used for YouTube. Once that was set up, I did the same for Tumblr, again snagging the same username. I sighed with relief. Jack heard me sigh and looked up. "What's up? Did ye get tha second account set up?" 

"Yeah. Twitter, Tumblr, and YouTube all have the same username. That's why I sighed. I was relieved." Jack smiled understanding.

"Good. Now get over here and help me record this vlog. I'm all set now." I stood up just out of site of the camera and put on my helmet. Jack turned on his lights and camera and started his vlog. *Wapish* "Top of tha morning ta ya laddies! My name is JackSepticEye and today I have something ta talk ta all of ye about. Since this is something different than I would normally do, it's an extra video, so tha normal two will still be going out at tha regular times. Today, I want ta introduce everyone ta someone new. She is just starting on YouTube, today actually, but she is really awesome. She is tha neighbor I mentioned in my last reading comments video. A lot of ye were asking more questions about her. So anyway, she's going ta be in videos with me some and has her own channel which I will link below. Her username is [y/y/n] and she is an artist as well as a gamer." Jack gestured for me to step forward and greet the audience. I waved and said a brief hello before Jack continued. "She made her totally kick ass helmet, which she is wearing ta protect her privacy, at least ta start. YouTube isn't her full time job right now, but anyway, go check her first vlog out! She, Mark, and I will be recording some videos ta go up later, so keep an eye out for them and she has some other plans for things as well, but I'll let her talk about that on her channel. Well, anyway, I'm gonna end this vlog here. Thank you guys so much for watching. If you liked it, PUNCH that like button IN THA FACE, LIKE A BOSS! And high fives all around. *wapish* *wapish* Thank you guys and I will see all you dudes, IN THE NEXT VIDEOOO!" Jack spun in his chair as he ended his outro. I leaned over and gave him a little push, making him spin three extra times, before he was able to stop himself, and I giggled. We could both hear Signe giggling too. She had stepped into the room and was just behind us. Jack looked at the camera and whined, "Now they are ganging up on me! Some one save me!" Then he turned the camera off. He grinned. "That's going to be a nice little post-outro bonus clip." 

I walked back over to my computer and took my helmet off. I shook out my hair. The helmet was comfortable enough, if a little stuffy after a while, but my hair was getting in the way. I needed to figure out a way to either tie it back or cut it that would keep it off my neck and out of my eyes under the helmet. This was something I would have to think about for a little while. Today I would just have to suffer through unruly hair. I grabbed my laptop and sat down in the chair I had been in before. Signe grabbed her laptop and joined me. We started playing some Rocket League, not recorded, just to kill time, while Jack edited. He looked over at us and smiled a few times, mostly at Signe. Eventually, he wandered over and sat down on the floor next to Signe. I looked at him. "Editing finished?" He nodded and pointed out a new item Signe had unlocked. She was currently customizing her car, since we were between rounds. 

Jack looked up at me. "Hey, actually, do ye mind editing a thumbnail with me? I hate asking ye ta do it, but you were so quick, I thought ye might have some ideas." I nodded and set my laptop down, following Jack to his computer. "It's rendering right now, but it should be done fairly soon. Maybe we can have tha thumbnail done by then. I thought maybe this still would work." He pulled up a picture of him, with his hands waving around. I raised an eyebrow. It wasn't bad, but it might be a little choppy in small scale. I looked and found a frame of the video from today that was better.

"I think that would be better. The image is sharper and you are looking right at the screen. All you need to do to use it is shrink it and upload it." 

Jack grinned. "Ye have a very good eye for this, [y/n]. Ye should go inta video editing." I made a face. I didn't mind doing it occasionally or for something I was working on, but it sounded like a nightmare to deal with nothing but that all the time. Besides, I was busy enough with everything else.

"Um, no thanks. I don't like it THAT much." That made Jack laugh again. I walked back over to my computer and Signe and I resumed our game of Rocket League. We were on a winning streak, but by no means all that skilled, when Jack's computer chimed. He looked up.

"Videos done. I'm going ta upload it now. Mark will be calling in few minutes, so get yerself ready ta record. Signe, do ye want leave, or are ye going ta stay in tha room?"

Signe looked thoughtful. "I'll leave. You guys might be here for a while and I have some drawings I want to work on. I'll be downstairs if you need me." She got up, gave Jack a quick kiss, waved to me, and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Jack helped me set up on his old desk, out of the way of his current set up. I would be doing an intro on his regular video and then heading over to my computer to record. I would only be on Jack's screen for a few minutes at most. When Skype rang, I put the helmet on and walked over. Jack had already answered.

"Hey guys! Great to see you! I saw Jack just posted an extra video about you, [y/n]." I blinked. Mark had already watched it? It just went live ten minutes ago. True, it was only a minute and a half long, but I was still surprised. Judging from Jack's face, he was too. Mark blushed a little. "I was watching for something to go up, okay? So are we ready to start?"

Jack looked over at me. I gave the thumbs up. Jack turned back to Mark. "Yeah, we're all set here. How about we start with Cards Against Humanity. We can use tha same room and we can pick a password. Any suggestions?" 

Mark grinned. "What not 'Dem Titties?' Jack I'm surprised." Jack blushed a little.

I laughed. "Let's use that as the room name. We can use 'dickbag', in honor of Mark, as the password." Jack cracked up as Mark flushed. 

Jack leaned over to the mic and stage whispered, "Look out Mark, she's sassy."

Mark, still flushed with embarrassment, just looked at the two of us. He cleared his throat. "Yeah, I can see that. Okay. Anyway. Moving on. Sure that will work as a password."

Jack looked amused by Mark's flustered behavior. He didn't say anything though and started his intro. After he finished he had me step on camera and give a greeting. When I was done I scurried off to my computer and loaded the website. I was already on the Skype call, having picked up as soon as Jack invited me, and I heard Mark do his intro. He finished just as I got the site loaded. I turned on my capture software and did my intro, fast. When I was done, we all loaded a room, entering the agreed upon information and started playing. At first, I held back, playing cards that were safe and not particularly outrageous, although most of them were still funny. After a few hands though, I got the perfect card. I laughed when I saw it. We were playing with the YouTuber deck and it had the card 'SPEED IS KEY!' Now I just had to wait for the perfect black card to play it on...

Mark played it on his next turn as card Czar. I was very glad i had the mask on. His card read, 'When making love for the first time, always remember _______.' I played my card very quickly and waited. Jack was taking a long time, but when he eventually played it and the cards flipped he started laughing so hard he actually fell out of his chair. Mark looked at him. I was biting my lip, trying not to react. Jack had played the card 'lube', which was funny, but I won. Mark clicked on my card and was STUNNED when my name came up. I laughed, sounding far more sinister through the mask. Jack was still on the floor struggling to get a grip. Finally, he was able to get up and he looked over at me. "How long were ye holding that for?" 

I laughed again and said, "You'll have to watch my video to find out." He chuckled. Mark was still looking stunned. I turned to him. "Hey Mr. Iplier, are you okay? I know you thought Jack would play his signature phrase, but come on. It was too perfect not to play there."

Jack looked at Mark. "Buddy? Mark? Did she break yer little brain?"

Mark snapped out of it. "Sorry. Just not what I was expecting. Umm, yeah. Who's turn is it to read?"

It was mine. "The card is 'When I see _____, I always try _____.' That's when I see _______, I always try _____. Got you cards picked? Good. Let's see you guys answered with 'When I see 'Dem Titties', I always try 'Making the penises kiss'.' Uh, okay. Or 'When I see 'bewbs', I always try 'Microwaving a hamster'.' What the fuck you two? Well of those lame answers I have to go with making the penises kiss." I watched as Jack got the point for the round and both men looked slightly uncomfortable. "You know, the boob and dick jokes aren't going to bother me, but you can use other things. Now, Jack it's your turn to read." 

Jack read the card and we continued to play. I eventually won the game, by a large margin. We played again, with Mark winning, and then agreed it was time to switch to another game. Mark suggested Prop Hunt next and we were all getting it loaded, preparing to start recording when Jack said "Hang on a minute. Felix is trying ta chat with me." We waited. A few minutes later, he joined the Skype call. He waved to Mark and looked at me. Jack introduced me. "Hey Felix. This is my neighbor, [y/n]. She's starting a YouTube channel and she is really funny and cool. I invited her ta game with Mark and me, which is actually why she started her channel. We were just going ta play some Prop Hunt. Do ye want ta join us?"

Felix grinned. "She's the one who you vlogged about today isn't she? Have you seen Twitter? She's a trending topic. #MysterySwirlingHelmetWoman Well, hi [y/n]! Nice to meet you. I'm Felix, as you heard Jack call me, or PewDiePie on YouTube." 

I took off my helmet for a minute. "Hi, Felix! I'm [y/y/n] on YouTube, Twitter, and Tumblr. Is that hashtag really a thing? Holy crap. We've been playing Cards Against Humanity since only a few minutes after the video went up. I'm just trying to protect my identity for now." Felix nodded, smiling. 

Jack was looking at his phone. "Holy CRAP! This is nuts. I have literally never seen this many retweets and tweets at me over ANYTHING. I think ye broke tha Internet [y/n]." 

I opened my browser and loaded Twitter. I had suddenly gotten a ton of people following me. My picture was being retweeted everywhere. The hashtag Felix had mentioned was below it, along with my username. My eyes bugged out. I closed Twitter and opened my YouTube page. "HOLY SHIT!!! I have over twenty thousand subscribers! WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!?"

Felix started laughing. "And I thought Jack was loud! When did you start your channel?"

"This morning." I swallowed. How was this even possible. I stared at my helmet in my hands. OH MY GOD. Now what do I do? I took a deep breath and looked into the camera. "Well, nothing I can do now. I'm sure this will all blow over shortly. I'll just be a flash in the pan and things will go back to normal in a few days. Now, can we record some prop hunt? I feel like shooting some inanimate objects for some reason." I put my helmet back on. Feeling better, but my mind was still reeling. What had I gotten myself into?

Felix ended up joining us, so it was two against two. I started out on Jack's team as a Hunter. We won in record time, mostly because Mark got his prop stuck in a door and I spotted Felix right away. Jack and I were the props next, and we actually managed a narrow victory. Then we switched the teams up and I was on a team with Mark, as props, with Jack and Felix hunting us. Mark didn't get stuck this time, but I made everyone laugh when they couldn't find me and it was revealed I was a coffee cup stalking Jack the ENTIRE game. Mark started teasing him mercilessly and Felix was laughing his butt off. They were so busy busting on each other they didn't notice the timer had run out and we were hunting them. They had both chosen props but weren't hidden well. Mark found Jack right away and was chasing and taunting him. I found Felix, but he didn't notice until suddenly he was dead. He swore into the camera, distracting Mark. Jack slipped away, but he came right into the room I was in and I shot him. After that I was paired with Felix and we lost horribly as Hunters the next round. The final round, when Felix and I were props, I found an incredible hiding place, right out in the open, and took full advantage off it. I even started taunting at thirty seconds remaining. We were all laughing when the time ran out right as I died. I had distracted Jack and Mark so much, they actually forgot to look for Felix, so we won the round. I was declared the queen of Prop Hunt for the day, and Felix said he had to go. I looked at the time. We had been recording for nearly three and a half hours with Mark. I stretched and asked if we could take a break for some dinner, and Mark agreed, saying he needed to get some food too. Jack and I walked downstairs. Signe was sitting at the kitchen counter, working on a drawing when we got there. She grinned. "I heard quite a lot of laughter and a few thumps. What happened?"

I grinned. "I made Jack fall out of his chair laughing. And if you heard cursing, that may have been me. I looked at my Twitter account and YouTube channel."

Signe looked worried. "Did you get a lot of bad feedback?"

I shook my head. "Just take a look." She put her drawing down and opened Twitter. Her eyes got enormous as she looked and scrolled down the page. "Am I still at the top of the trending hashtags?" Signe nodded. I swallowed. "And last I checked, I had over twenty thousand subscribers on YouTube. I'm kind of freaked out."

Signe came over and gave me a hug. "Good thing you wore the helmet." It was my turn to nod, swallowing emotions down. "Come on let's get some food." Jack had ordered a pizza and we were all eating it when another thought occurred to me. If this kept up, I would need to leave my job, just to keep up with YouTube. I shrugged mentally, there was nothing I could do about it now. I ate my food and headed back upstairs, much quieter than I had been earlier in the day.

I started editing the Cards Against Humanity video I had shot. I broke it up into two separate videos, and did a little bit of editing clean up. There really wasn't much needed, just getting rid of some dead air time and removing a few out of place comments. Jack came back in at some point, but I didn't notice when. The sound of Skype ringing shook me out of my editing. I looked down, and saw it was Mark. I answered and before long Jack was back on as well. We played Golf with Friends for about an hour, with me losing horribly in both games, before I told them I had to go. I gathered my laptop, microphone, and camera, walked back to my apartment, and shut the door. I set everything down on the table, and started editing, trying to calm my worked up nerves down. I worked until I had finished all the footage from all the games, rendering and thumbnailing everything, accidentally working through the night. Jack, Mark, and I had said we would each upload one of the videos today, and I had chosen one of the Cards Against Humanity games, the one I won. I uploaded it and set it to post at noon. I still wasn't tired, so I made some food, then put my helmet on and started playing some Slime Rancher for the camera. I didn't realize I had been playing for hours, until I heard a knock on the door. I was in the pajamas I had changed into the night before, right after I came back home, but since that was just a tee shirt and shorts, I shrugged, paused the recording, removed my helmet, and went to open the door. It was Jack.

"How are ye doing this morning, [y/n]?" 

I smiled. "Well, I'm fine. Come on in if you want. There's coffee or I can make tea. Oh, and I made some muffins. Help yourself." I walked back in and looked at my game recording. I was startled to see I had been recording for three hours. I stopped the video, knowing I would have to go in, break the recording up, and add the intro and outro to each piece, but I figured I probably had enough footage for four, maybe five uploads. I saved everything and closed the programs. Jack had walked back in to see what I was working on. 

"Wow. Three hours of footage? Woke up early this morning, did ye?" When I failed to respond or look at him, Jack, moved in front of me. "Did ye wake up early, or did ye not go ta bed last night?" I still refused to look at the worry in Jack's face. He sighed. "Signe was right. She said ye were working yerself inta a state. Can ye at least look at me please?"

I kept my eyes down. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to deal with this, but I never expected this kind of response. I'm actually scared to go online and look at anything. I edited all the videos from yesterday, rendered them, thumbnailed them, and set one to upload at noon. What time is it now?"

Jack looked at his phone. "Twenty past twelve. It should have gone up. In fact, I know it did, because before I came over I saw ye had posted something. That's actually why I came over. Signe wants ta check on ye too, but she felt like I might know how ta handle this better than her. I wish I did. Even with as fast as my channel has grown, this didn't happen to me."

Hearing him say that actually helped a lot. I was able to look at him. He had a wry smile on his face, but he was staring into the distance. I said "Jack, you don't have to stay. I won't freak out. I'm just trying to deal with things. I deal by working and playing games. Which means later today, I'm going to run completely out of energy and crash, but until then, I'm running on nerves alone. I know you have work to do, so go take care of it. I'll be fine. Signe can stay home if she wants too. I'm just going to edit and play some more video games until I sleep."

Jack looked down at me. He smiled crookedly. "Are ye trying ta take care of us?" I nodded, grinning. "All right 'Mom' I'll go. Signe will probably want ta see ye're okay for herself, but I'll tell her what ye said. If it gets ta be too much, ye can always come talk ta us or use Skype. Mark and Felix will understand. I'll let them know ye might call. In fact, I'll give Felix yer number. Mark already has it. Text one of us if ye need ta, or do something completely away from tha Internet for a while today." Jack walked back out of my apartment and I closed the door behind him. I leaned on it for several seconds before I walked back over to my computer. I reopened my recording software and recorded my intro. I stopped and recorded an outro. Now, if needed, I could just add the same intro and outro to all my recorded videos from today. I started editing and found it was easier to record an additional segment on each video than to try to merge the two files. I kept them just to be safe, and worked on editing until I got a Skype message. 

It was Mark. He sent *Are you still working, or did you just leave Skype logged in on your computer while you fell asleep?* I didn't respond right away, hoping he would think I wasn't actually online. *I'm sending Jack over to check...*

*I'm here...*

*Why aren't you sleeping yet?*

*Hey! It's not that late.* I looked down at the clock on the computer. It was eleven thirty.

*It's got to be at least eleven thirty and I know for a fact you didn't sleep last night. Aren't you tired?*

*Ha. Not really. Should I quote Jack on this? "Sleep is for the weak!" Besides, I'll go to bed when I'm sleepy.* 

*Why don't I believe that?*

*I have no idea. Maybe you are a cynical soul. Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you go look and see if I'm still trending on Twitter?*

*Nope. You were replaced this afternoon.*

*Thank god. That was really freaking me out.*

*What? You don't like being viral?*

*Not so much. Well, I need to go online and check some things now. Thanks. I feel better.*

*You're welcome. Goodnight [y/n]. Sweet dreams.*

I closed Skype and logged out. I didn't really feel like talking to anyone right now. I logged on to Twitter to check my personal account. Nothing urgent. Then I logged into my new account. I had several thousand direct messages, most of them I just ignored, because they were all asking me who I was. A few were from some friends of Jack or Mark, welcoming me to the community. I smiled and replied to these. I then logged on to YouTube to look at my videos. I had uploaded a second video today, one of my Slime Rancher sessions, and I was astonished. I had slightly over seventy five thousand subscribers and nearly two hundred thousand views on my three videos. I swallowed. Okay, I was definitely going to have to keep the momentum up on my channel. I set two videos to release for the next day at noon and five pm again, just like today. I had enough videos to get through the week until next Friday without recording more, if I uploaded two a day, so I set things up to do just that. I had heard Jack say many, many times over the course of his YouTube career that consistency is really important, so I wanted to get my channel off to a good start. I would probably record more videos as the week progressed, depending on my schedule. Usually, I had a good chunk of free evenings so I figured I could probably get at least an hour a night during the week, without changing my schedule to much. I gave myself a mental shake. Enough. I shut my computer down and headed back to bed. I laid there for a solid hour before I got back up and logged back on to my computer gaming until well after four. I recorded my gaming session and edited three videos out of it, adding them to the upload schedule, before shutting down my computer again to call in sick to work. I was finally tired and headed back to bed as the sky lightened for the day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! Hope you are enjoying and thanks for all the support! Love ya all! *Kisses*
> 
> Have a fab day! ;)


	5. Momentum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your channel is continuing to grow explosively. It's a little overwhelming. You are suddenly a viral star and your channel is getting a ton of media buzz, even from things like TV talk shows. What's next?

I spent the rest of the week in a daze. My channel was growing super fast and I received more tweets daily now on my second account than I had received for the entire time I was on Twitter with my personal account. I was a trending topic on and off all week, with the buzz returning when I was mentioned on several late talk shows in the US and on the Ellen show. I was overwhelmed. The only good thing about this whole experience was no one actually knew who I was except people I really trusted, like Jack and Signe, and a few other YouTubers. I had received offers from several talk shows to come appear, but I was reluctant. My silence seemed to be making the hype increase, as did the mystery surrounding my account. I was actually a little surprised that anyone cared, let alone the apparent hundreds of thousands of people checking out my videos and channel. Somehow I managed to get through work normally, with no one noticing my distracted state. On Friday, just as I was getting ready to leave work for the day, I decided to check my email one final time. I was actually off the clock anyway, so after I finished checking my work accounts, I logged on to my personal account. There was an email from someone claiming to be a talent coordinator for PAX East. I was skeptical when I saw it, but I didn't delete it. Maybe Jack could advise me.

When I got home, the first thing I did was record a new video. So far I had recorded every night when I got home, so I would have an emergency backup if I needed videos in a hurry. I was uploading three videos a day, one vlog post, usually very short, and two game posts. I had announced that one of the game posts would be replaced on Saturdays with art, but I hadn't posted one yet, since I had started my channel the previous weekend. Once I finished recording and editing my new video, I set it to render and logged onto Skype and Twitter. I started going through my direct messages, deleting the vast majority of them as junk, but answering as many as I could handle. Before long, I noticed Mark was online, so I sent him a Skype chat. *Hey, Mark. Can I ask you a question?*

*Sure. What's up [y/n]?*

*I got an email today from someone claiming to be a talent coordinator for PAX East. I don't entirely trust it, but it looks fairly legit. How can I know if it's real or a fake?*

*What was it about? It could be legitimate, I know they are trying to book a few more people, since they had a few cancellations at the last minute and your channel is one of the hottest things on the web right now.*

*Thanks Mark. They want me to come and do a panel and signing. I have no idea what I'm doing.*

*Hold on. I have a phone number to contact someone. Let me call him and see if he knows anything about this. Also, if you wanted, you could join my panel. I kind of have the ultimate say in who's on it anyway, since it is the 'Markiplier and Friends' panel.*

*Wow, ego much?*

* :'( *

*Get over it. I call it like I see it. I would love to be on your panel, though. I kind of doubt I'm important enough to be on a panel otherwise.*

*Hang on. Calling my contact now...* Mark changed his status to busy. I waited, still going over social media and checking emails. Suddenly Mark was back. *Okay, I'm back. My buddy said it's completely true. They want you to do at least one panel. They would love it if you would agree to do my panel and a second one, possibly the one with Felix, the day before mine. They want to capitalize on the mystery and hype surrounding your channel right now.*

I swallowed. *Crap. Um, okay. I guess I'll respond. I was planning on going anyway, but I guess this will change a few of my plans. Oh, wait, it says in the email they pay for the trip? How does that work?*

*They are offering to pay? Sweet! Usually, your channel has to be pretty big before that happens. They are treating you like a headliner then. They will pay for the hotel room and tickets to fly in and out.*

*I was going to fly in early to spend time with my family. I guess I need to call them and talk to them to find out more information. Thanks again for the help Mark. I'm still a little freaked out by all this.* 

*Well, I was watching the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon last night and they were talking about you. They mentioned they wanted to try to get you on the show. If they do, and you need a place to stay in LA, I might have space for you. ;) *

*Don't they record that show in New York?*

*Crap. There goes that dream.*

I giggled. *Sorry to burst your bubble. Actually, I have friends in New York City anyway, so I would have a place there to crash if I needed to. IF I agreed to be on the show.*

*Awww. Is someone shy?*

*Is someone being a jackass? I like my privacy.*

*Ouch. Sorry to poke the bear.*

*Sorry to be grumpy. This is just a lot of changes in too short a time. I need to wrap my head around things.*

*I'm sorry for teasing you. Listen, I have to go. I'll talk to you soon okay? Bye!*

*Bye, Mark.* With that he disconnected from Skype. I sighed and went back to that email, reading the message more carefully. I was still reading it half and hour later when there was knock on my door. I answered it, only half paying attention. It was Jack. I invited him in, still reading the email. I was having trouble wrapping my head around the fact someone wanted me as a 'celebrity guest' for something as big as a convention. I was far more used to think of myself as a attendee than someone people would want to see. Yes, my channel was now at just over half a million viewers and I had been offered a few sponsorship offers, which I was considering, with advice from Jack, but it had happened too fast to seem real. I kept feeling like I was going to wake up in the morning and none of this would have really happened. Jack must have seen something on my face, because he spoke up as soon as we sat down. "Are ye okay? Ye seem really out of it today. What's going on?"

I looked over at him. "I got an email from PAX East. They want me to come and be on a couple of panels. I was just talking to Mark about it. I'm a little overwhelmed to be quite honest. I had no idea this was going to explode this way. I feel like I really need to devote more time to it, but I'm already maxed out. What do I do?"

Jack looked at me. "I'm not sure what ta tell ye, [y/n]. I've never even heard of this happening this way before. And Mark called me, asking me ta check on ye. Apparently, ye were freaking out, or so he thought. He actually sounded a little panicked at tha very idea."

I smiled crookedly. "Thanks for checking on me, Jack. I'm mostly okay, just having trouble believing it's all true, you know? Mark's sweet to worry."

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Sweet, huh? Okay. Just keep telling yerself that." He chuckled to himself as I looked at him confused. "Okay, ye're clearly as clueless as he is. I'm not spoiling anything. Anyway, moving on. So what are ye going ta do about tha panels? Felix just emailed me asking if ye knew ye were going ta be asked on ta his panel. Then Mark mentioned he asked ye ta be on his. Can ye handle that much? Both panels will be pretty laid back, based on my experience, and a load of fun. Ye'll probably be working with Cinnamon Toast Ken, Felix, and maybe someone else, if you do that one. Maybe Yamimash, if he's there this year. If ye do Mark's panel, it'll be me, Mark, Bob, and Wade, if they can all make it too. I know we would love to have ye up there with us, as long as ye could stand it. Although, I'm not sure I want ta be the shortest one on stage when there's someone new..."

That made me grin out right. "Jack, when are you not the smallest one there? Come on, your wonderful, and a great friend, but you have to admit, you're pretty small. It's okay though. I'm unusually tall for a girl, but I'm used to it. And I won't be the tallest one there. Actually, I'll be the exact middle of the height group. Unless, I wear high heels, that is."

That made Jack chuckle. "Don't ye fooking dare. Well, actually, it'd be kind of funny. I can't see ye in heels though. All I ever see ye wear are super flat shoes, sandals, or no shoes at all. Do ye even own any heels?" I grinned and held up a finger, walking out of the room. When I came back, I was wearing my dressy, girly, glittery, four and a half inch heels, that made me feel like a million bucks, even if when I wasn't wearing them, I claimed they looked like transvestite shoes. My feet were large, since I was tall and I always had trouble finding good shoes. These were both good looking on me and comfortable, a rare combination in a high heeled shoe. Jack watched me walk in in these shoes and laughed. "Oh, Jaysus. Those are amazing, but maybe a little formal for those yoga pants and tee shirt." I glanced down. After work, I had changed into comfy clothes so I had on a long sleeved silver top and a pair of stretchy green yoga pants. I grinned over at Jack, putting my hand on my hip.

"Aren't I just the height of fashion like this? Be honest now."

Jack laughed. "So sophisticated and charming. Tell ye what, if ye wear those, I guarantee ye will be extremely popular. Wade and Bob will heckle Mark even more than normal for being short, although, it might mean ye have ta take yer shoes off for a minute ta prove ye are still taller than him. Oh, please do it anyway. The look on his face will be worth it. Ye might even break his brain again." Jack chuckled, sounding a little evil. "Yes, let's break Mark's brain, with a pretty girl, in front of a crowd of fans. Hehe. Oh, sorry. Ye didn't need ta hear that." I was blushing. I took the shoes off and sat down. 

"Okay, Jack. If it is really that amusing to you, I'm in. I'll call the number they gave me back and tell them I'll do it, if I can be on Mark's panel. Do you really think Felix will mind if I crash his panel? I feel like it's kind of a big deal. I mean, I know that's the panel Mark told me they wanted me on, but still. Oh god. What if no one likes me? What am I going to do?"

Jack sighed. "Look [y/n], ye already know Felix likes ye. Ye talked ta him yerself on Skype. People like yer videos. They are getting a load of views and likes, and honestly, very few dislikes. I don't think ye have ta worry so much. I know this is new and kind of scary, but we'll help ye through it. Conventions are worth tha hassle, I promise. It's amazing to meet all tha people who watch yer stuff and hear their stories. Tha people are always super nice. Plus, you wanted to meet more of my friends anyway, and this will be a great opportunity. So call tha nice people back and accept." I smiled at Jack. He always knew the best way to cheer me up. Jack grinned back at me. "That's better. Now, are ye going to call them back, or do I need ta stay and dial for ye? Ye good?" 

I nodded and picked up my phone. "Thanks for the pep talk Jack. You can go home again. I'll be okay. And thanks for all your help with all of this. I don't think I could do any of it if you weren't helping me."

Jack stood up. "Well, I think it's partly my fault too. I never expected ye ta have this much attention. I'm tha one who has all tha followers and I gave ye tha Tweet out and pushed yer channel before ye were even properly setup. If it hadn't been for me, I doubt ye would even have created a channel, and that's a shame. Now make yer call. Signe wants ta hang out tonight. So, come over ta our place when yer done. See ye later, [y/n]!" With that Jack walked out and I followed him, closing the door. I rested my head on it for just a minute before dialing the number listed in the letter. The woman who answered was named Sherri and she told me she was the person who had sent the email. She was very happy to speak to me and eager to get me into as many events as I could handle. She told me PewDiePie and Markiplier were both requesting I be in their panels when they heard I was to be at the convention as a guest, and I was being asked to hold a question and answer session in lieu of an actual signing. I agreed and hoped it wouldn't be too overwhelming. Sherri reassured me that staff would be on hand to help the whole time and if I had anyone I wanted to go with me to the Q and A all I needed to do was ask. I bit my lip. Should I see if Jack was available? I decided to wait and talk to him first. When I hung up, after providing a number I could be reached at and my mother's address to send me the tickets for PAX, I was feeling more confident. Sherri had walked me through everything and given me a lot of information. I had even asked about the plane ticket, since I was flying over early. She laughed and told me they just needed the amount for the ticket, not the dates I was flying. I thanked her a number of times and she informed me it was her job to make sure everything went smoothly. Just before I hung up, she mentioned that several TV talk shows were contacting gaming venues trying to get my contact information. She wanted to know if it was alright to provide it to them. I told her it would be okay, at least the phone number and email address, as long as she was sure they were really who they claimed. She told me to expect a call in the next few days. Once I was done with my phone call, I grabbed a pair of slippers and walked over to Jack and Signe's apartment. I had my laptop, in case she wanted to game, but I didn't know what she had planned. If she wanted to record anything, I would need to come home and gather some things, but I knew it wouldn't take long. As I knocked, the enormity of the situation hit home for the first time. I was going to be IN a convention instead of just at one. Holy shit!

When Signe answered the door, she took one look at my face and stopped. "Breathe, girl." I tried to comply, but was having trouble catching my breath. "Okay, wait right here. Just focus on your breathing. In, and out, nice and slow." I nodded, closed my eyes and leaned on the door frame, just trying to catch my breath. Jack came running back with Signe just a few seconds later. They steered me in to the couch and sat me down. Signe started patting my back and I focused on a spot on the floor, finally calming down. Crap! I hated panic attacks and that was too close a call to a major one for my comfort. Signe looked over at me when my breathing sounded more normal. "Better? What happened?"

I grimaced and pulled my knees in close to my face. "It just suddenly caught up to me, all the YouTube stuff, and the fact that in less than a month I'm going to be on stage at a convention, in front of a huge crowd for THREE events. My mind just kind of got swamped."

Jack looked over at me. "Three events? What did they add, a signing?"

I shook my head. "They want me to do a question and answer session instead. They think I'm going to have too many people for a signing. They told me I could bring people up on stage with me if I wanted, but I haven't told them anything definite yet. I was fine until I suddenly realized I'm leaving for my family visit next weekend and the convention is only two weeks after that. It just got really, overwhelmingly, immediate. I think I'll be okay now. Sorry about that."

Signe stopped patting my back. "[Y/n], you are allowed a freak out or two. My god, with all that's been going on, it's a wonder you haven't curled up in a little ball and just hidden from the world. Now, what do you want to do tonight to get your mind off this? Or would you feel better if we record something so you have more stuff arranged before you leave? I know that always makes Jack feel more relaxed." 

I smiled at Signe. "Actually, I have already got almost all I would need for a month long trip, even though I'm only going for three weeks. I just need to record some drawing sessions and the daily vlogs, which I am going to do while I am away, just slipping away from my family for twenty minutes or so a day. I already told my viewers that I would be out of town, but it shouldn't effect the upload schedule. If you wanted to we could record some art videos, or we could just do some non-YouTube stuff for once." I gave a shaky smile. "God, I sound like that's all I do. I've only been at it a week." A few tears slipped out of the corner of my eye, so I hid my face in my knees once again. 

Signe chuckled. "Actually, you sound like you're working two jobs. YouTube and your other job. I'm up for art for a while, but I want to spend some time with you away from anything work related, so maybe some TV? Or a board game?"

I looked up and smiled. "Okay. Whatever you want. Let me go grab my recording stuff for the artwork videos and my helmet, then we can get that out of the way. First, though, I'm going to send out a tweet asking for suggestions with the hashtag 'mysterydrawingwith[Y/Y/N]'. I'll be back in a jiffy." I ran back over to my apartment and changed clothes, into a different pair of pants and a tee shirt with the message 'There's no place like 10.0.0.1' which, besides being comfy as hell, was one of my favorites. Actually, I had a whole collection of geek tee shirts from ThinkGeek, and I loved them all. I always wore my geekdom proudly on camera, owning my nerdiness. I pulled my hair out of my face and put my helmet on. I grabbed my camera, mic, and tablet to draw on. Then I headed back across the hall. When I knocked again, I was feeling more like myself. Signe grinned at my change of clothes. I sat down and we got all set up and comfy. I did my typical intro and introduced Signe as my special guest. She waved for the camera and we got started. I was shocked to see my hashtag was trending again, and so was the one I had sent out asking for drawing suggestions. Signe and I worked on as many as we could, breaking the recording session into four videos and doing intros and outros for each. Once we finished, I set the camera and mic aside, took off the helmet, and tweeted a thank you to anyone who submitted an idea, telling them to watch for the first video in the series to upload the next day. I then turned my computer off and carried everything home so I could focus on just relaxing with my friends. Jack grinned at me when I got back.

"Ye're getting really good at that. It was really smooth and ye had tha timing down for each episode. I'm impressed." I smiled and thanked him. 

Signe came out of the kitchen, where she had been getting a drink. "Okay, I ordered some takeout. Jack are do you want to go get it, or should I? It's the place down the block that we all like, and it should be ready in fifteen minutes."

Jack stood up. "I'll go. You stay here and hang out with [y/n]. She's leaving for her vacation next week, so I have tha feeling ye won't be seeing much of her for a few weeks. I know ye'll Skype, but that's not tha same thing." Jack stood up and gave Signe a kiss as he headed out the door. She sighed happily and sat down. We started chatting and I relaxed completely for the first time since I launched my YouTube channel. 

When Jack got back, we turned the TV on and watched some Cutthroat Kitchen while we ate. It was a blast, and apparently, I had gotten both of them hooked on the show as well. Once we were all finished eating and the episode ended, Jack excused himself to go work on something upstairs, so Signe and I started discussing what I should plan on wearing for the convention. I was telling her I wanted to stick to my usual geek tees and black pants, but she was insisting I at least bring a few nicer outfits. Finally I agreed, and she told me Jack had told her about my idea for the heels, which is why she was so insistent. She thought it would be a really fun thing to do, and encouraged me to go for it. I told her I would think about it and we let the subject drop. Before long, I decided I needed to head home, since it was getting late. I hugged her goodbye, thanking her for her help and promising to talk to her again soon. When I got back to my apartment, I wasn't very tired, even though it was after eleven, so I sat down and started editing. After I finished editing all four videos, I set them to render overnight and headed back to bed, taking my phone with me to check Twitter one final time before going to sleep. I changed into pajamas and crawled into bed after I plugged my phone in, stretching the cord out so it reached over the nightstand onto the bed. I read a few dozen tweets and replied to a few direct messages before I was too tired to continue and turned my screen off for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first, I apologize for posting a schedule and then immediately ditching it. I uave some health issues that are more of a factor than I thought they were going to be this week, and it was hard to get anything posted yesterday, let alone two chapters. I think I am going to say this is the new schedule: my main fiction posts daily, barring any major issues. This fiction will update three times a week if at all possible. New fictions will post occassionally as I have time, energy, and motivation. My non-YouTuber fiction will post once every two weeks or so. Again, sorry for the immediate change of plans, but health comes first.
> 
> That being said, I have no plans to stop writing, or slow down for a while. I already have first chapters for two other longer fictions started and this story is just getting started, so buckle up! Things are about to get moving. In case of emergency, we're all doomed...


	6. Family Visit and Arriving in Boston

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your vacation has started and you are off to the US again. Time to visit some family! Will you tell them you are a YouTuber, or will you fail to mention it in person, waiting until after you leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this story, you have two younger brothers, Chris and Dave. Chris is the youngest one.
> 
> Also, swearing ahead.

I spent the rest of the weekend getting ready for my trip home. I would be staying with my mother for most of my trip and I was looking forward to seeing her. It had been ages since I had been home, a year in fact, and her birthday was going to be while I was home. I had planned to help throw her a lovely family party and had been emailing several family members about it in secret. My brothers were in on it, as well as my mother's sisters and brothers. This was going to be an awesome trip. I packed enough clothes for two weeks without doing laundry and loaded a third bag for YouTube recording and the convention. I was going to put my helmet in that bag along with my camera, mic, power cords, and laptop. This was going to be my carry on, and I wasn't letting it out of my sight while I was gone. I had a good week at the library and before I knew it it was Friday afternoon. My flight home was scheduled to leave at four pm, and I was officially done with work at one. I had decided to use some of my overtime hours instead of working all afternoon and leaving on a later flight, which my boss was fine with. At one o'clock, I said goodbye to everyone and headed out to my car. I had about twenty minutes to load my car and leave for the airport, if I didn't want to be late. Fortunately, since the airport was about an hour and thirty minutes away, I was all set to go as soon as I put my bag in the car. I got home in five minutes flat and loaded the car. I slipped a note under Signe and Jack's door, telling them I would see them at the convention, and talk to them soon, mentioning where my spare key was in case they needed to get in my apartment for some reason. Then I took one last look around my apartment, getting ready to lock up, when Signe came over. She wanted to see me off, and I was happy to have her drive my car to the airport so she could borrow it while I was gone. We could all ride back together when we flew in after the convention. She had the spare keys anyway, after an embarrassing incident when I locked my keys in the car a few weeks ago. We headed out and I was heading back to the US at last. 

I was looking forward to a quiet plane ride and was relieved when I got through security and was safely on the plane, waiting for take off. I leaned back and pulled out my phone and a book, reading until the announcement that we could use our electronic devices once more. Then I put my bookmark back in and logged on to the wifi on the plane. I had a missed Skype call and several text messages from Mark, wishing me a good flight and nice visit. I grinned and messaged back, explaining why I had missed the call and didn't message him back right away. We chatted for a long time, until he had to go record some videos, and I leaned back in my seat, going to my email inbox to see what I had waiting. I was surprised to see an email from the Tonight Show, and read it carefully. They wanted me to come on either before the convention or right after. They were offering to pay to get me there and put me up in a hotel. I thought about it and decided I would do it two days before the convention, one of the days they had listed as a possible choice. Then I could just head up for the convention the next day and even though I would be early, I would have a day to relax before hand. I emailed back and provided my Skype number, telling them I would be available for the date I had decided and would need either a plane ticket or a train ticket in to NYC from either Baltimore or DC. With that done, I left a private message for Signe about the TV show appearance and told her I was going to have to break out the fancy clothes a bit early. She messaged me back right away and we ended up chatting on Skype for the rest of the flight. I was feeling happy and excited when we finally landed and I was able to hop off the plane with a huge smile, feeling carefree and cheerful. My youngest brother, Chris, was waiting for me, and he grinned when he saw me. He rushed over and hugged me. "Hey sis, how was your flight? You look really happy. What's new with you?"

I laughed. "Give me a chance ta answer! Jaysus."

He laughed. "Nice accent. I knew it. You've totally turned into an Irish girl haven't you?"

I laughed as well. "Not quite. My flight was fine. I spent most of it online chatting with friends. How are you doing? I haven't heard much from you lately. Everything going okay?"

He grinned and shrugged. "Nothing new to say. You know I don't talk if I don't have news. Hell, you're the same way." I nodded. "I'm doing fine. Work is keeping me busy, as usual, but nothing I can't handle. Now tell me, oh sister dear, have you made friends in real life over in Ireland, or just online? And can you prove they exist?"

I giggled. "Who do you think I was talking to all day. And yes, I have photos and video evidence that I could share, but I'm not sure I'm going to." Suddenly, my face got serious. "I've got a secret and if I tell you in the car, you have to SWEAR not to tell anyone. It's a long story, too, so decide now. I'll have to start telling it as soon as we get out of here with my suitcases. There they are now." I grabbed my luggage and rolled it over to where he was waiting.

Chris smiled, rolling his eyes. "Always so dramatic. Yes, I want to hear your big secret. Now come on. It's gonna take like an hour to get home with all the traffic. I want to get home before midnight." 

I looked at the clock on the wall. It was ten minutes past seven, which surprised me a little. (It felt later to me until I realized I was still on Irish time, meaning I was expecting it to be four hours later.) I rolled my eyes and grabbed my carry-on and both rolling bags for my trip. I followed my brother out to his car, loaded the trunk with everything but my carry-on, and climbed in the front, still holding my bag. My brother raised his eyebrows, but didn't say anything as he got in and we started to pull away. I waited to start talking until we were out of the airport traffic. "Okay, so look, um, this is complicated. I'm going to tell you something and I need you to just listen until I finish, okay? No interrupting to ask questions or stopping me until I finish. I swear I can prove everything I'm going to tell you, after I'm done. But for now, just trust me and don't think I'm lying, okay?"

My brother glanced over at me and saw my expression. I must have looked worried, as well as sincere, since he reached over and patted my knee with one hand. "Hey, sis, whatever you've got to say, I'm sure it'll be fine. It's not like you're a murderer or something." He grinned and looked over at me again, clearly inviting me to join him. 

I smiled a little weakly. Then I launched into everything. "Okay, so you know all about my move to Ireland, right?" I paused to confirm that. He nodded and kept his eyes on the road. "Okay, good. Then I'm going to start there. You know about my job at the library and how I got an apartment right away. Well, all this started when I met my neighbors." I paused and took a breath before I asked him a question, which I think he thought was unrelated. "So you watch YouTube right?" He laughed at the apparent change of subject and nodded. "My next door neighbor is JackSepticEye and his girlfriend, Wiishu, or Signe Hansen." I glanced over at him. He was staring at the road with his mouth open. "Um, yeah, so anyway, I have become really close friends with Signe, and Jack too really, and we hang out all the time. I usually see them every few days at the longest and talk to them everyday. I spent more than half the flight over here talking with Signe. She's borrowing my car while I'm here and she was the one to drive to the airport a few hours ago. Well, several hours ago. My flight was like seven and a half hours long." I paused to take a breath. "So anyway, we hang out a lot and play games. I cook sometimes, and, you know, the usual stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I was over at their apartment having a girls night in with Signe, when Jack got a Skype call from Markiplier. He wanted to meet me since Jack was talking about me, so I was introduced. He and Jack decided a few days later they wanted to have me join in a gaming session with them." I stopped. I was starting to panic again. Oh, god. Calm down, [y/n], you're okay. It's safe. Breathe. 

Chris's eyes were HUGE. Suddenly he said "HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE [Y/Y/N]?!?" I glanced over at him and swallowed. Then I nodded. He started to laugh a little hysterically. "I can't believe I'm related to the single biggest mystery person on the web right now. Did you know you're trending again on Twitter? You have been since that tweet you sent out yesterday about mystery drawings. I can't believe it. Wait, holy shit, yes I can. I thought the clothes looked kind of familiar." 

I blushed and suddenly realized what he had said. "You watch my stuff?"

He grinned. "Of course. It's really good by the way. How do you manage to get so many videos out in one day? And how did you get so popular?"

I paled a little. "I have no idea about the popularity thing. To be perfectly fair, it's freaking me the fuck out! For the videos, I just come home from work and record for an hour or so and that's usually three or four videos, if I do a vlog and some gameplay. Then I edit, render, and post them to the scheduled videos. I have everything automated for while I'm gone, so the only things I'm going to need to do are the daily vlogs, which hardly need an edit at all. In fact a few of them have gone out unedited. I just use a screen cap from the episode for the thumbnail, render that sucker and boom, instant video."

Chris laughed. "So my sister is suddenly famous and she hates it. It figures. Wait, Jack talked about you in some of his videos before you started a channel didn't he?"

I nodded again. "Yeah, one of his reading comments videos. And he tweeted about me a bunch. Then when he made me start the channel, I started trending. It's only been like two weeks and I have over a million subscribers." I looked down. "It's kind of terrifying. Jack has been really great, helping me figure things out, and so has Mark. Oh, and Felix. I met him through gameplay too."

Chris practically screamed "YOU MET PEWDIEPIE? AND YOU CALL HIM BY HIS FIRST NAME?" 

I grinned. I forgot he was such a fan. "Yup. In fact, I'm going to PAX East."

My brother rolled his eyes. "I knew that. You told us several weeks ago."

"No, Chris. I'm GOING to PAX East as a YouTuber. I'm going to be doing two panels and a Q and A session. Felix his the host of the first one. Mark convinced me to be on the second one. The convention wanted me to do a third event and was afraid I would have too many people for a signing in the spaces they had left, so they made it a bigger event. Oh, and I have to leave a day sooner than I thought for the convention, because I have to stop in New York and film an episode of the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. They are going to email me the details, if they haven't already."

"What? But... But... But you hate being in the spotlight. How are you gonna manage that?"

I grinned and reached down into my bag, opening it and pulling my helmet out. Chris goggled and suddenly I knew he believed me. I looked around making sure no other cars were close enough to see me and slid into my helmet. "Actually, Chris, this helmet gives me a huge confidence boost. After all, even you didn't know it was me in the videos."

"That is so cool. Where did you get it by the way? Everyone I know has been trying to find out."

I turned to face him, not taking the helmet off. "Okay, first, I made it. I had that crappy Darth Vader helmet I got for Halloween a couple of years ago, made a mold out of it and poured a new helmet out of better materials, adding the voice chip and breathing apparatus at the same time. The eye holes were replaced with custom sunglasses lenses, and then I painted the whole thing. I wanted to have some anonymity on the internet, so I decided to use the mask before I agreed to record anything. Secondly, and this is really important, you can't tell ANYONE. Besides Jack, Signe, and Mark, Felix is the only other person I have told until now. I still want to have a normal life outside of YouTube, you know? That's why I told you this was a secret before I mentioned any of this. "

Chris sighed. "I understand. It sucks, but I get it. One question though." I raised an eyebrow. He grinned. "Can I gt an official autograph?" I laughed and lightly punched him in the shoulder. The rest of the ride home was a lot of fun. We joked around and told stories about people we both knew. I also threw in a few stories about Jack and Signe, which amused him quite a bit. He teased me as we pulled into the driveway of Mom's house. "You miss your new bestie don't ya, sis? Too bad she couldn't come along with you."

I grinned at him. "Yeah, she's awesome. I'll see her at the con though. Oh, I just realized something. I might have an extra ticket to the convention. IF I do, would you want to come?"

"Holy crap, yes. What would I have to do?"

I chuckled. "Nothing. They apparently send plus one guest tickets to the talent, which is how I was originally going to go. Mark was going to give me his plus one." Chris looked at me. 

"Uh huh. Markiplier was just going to give you a ticket."

"Well, Jack suggested it. Mark's a really great guy though. I was talking to him for the first part of my flight over."

"Uh huh. Well okay then."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just a passing thought. Now, you were telling me about the possibility of going to the convention with you? "

I gave my brother a long look. "Yeah. Any way, you'll need to find your own hotel arrangements. I'd get right on that. Oh, and you'll need to get yourself up to Boston for the convention. If they send me the extra ticket. Let me check into it. Chris jumped out of the car as I put my helmet away. He grabbed my bags from the trunk and we headed inside. Mom was in the living room reading when we came in. She jumped up and gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I hugged her back before dropping my stuff off in the bedroom I was going to be using. Mom still had a bunch of my old clothes in here and I felt comfortable, even though Mom had moved here after I left home. After I had made sure everything was in my room that I would need, I walked out to talk to Mom for a while. We stayed up talking until after midnight, when I just couldn't handle it anymore and I nodded off in my chair. I woke up with a guilty start when Mom came over and gently shook my shoulder telling me to go get some sleep. I headed to bed, happy to be back with my family, but missing my real life all the same. 

The next two weeks flew by. Mom's birthday party was a huge success. I visited with my brothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, and cousins wives, husbands, and kids. I still managed a daily vlog and spent almost every morning on Skype with Jack or Signe, or both and many nights chatting with Mark or Mark and Jack. Before I knew it my visit home was over and it was time for me to fly to New York to be recorded. I was still nervous, but as Chris dropped me off at the airport, I put the helmet on to protect my identity. The airport security was okay with it, making me go through a few extra steps, but I was soon on the short flight and landing in New York before I knew it. what I didn't know was the Tonight Show had sent someone to pick me up at the airport, so I was very glad I already had my helmet on when I walked out and saw a man holding a sign with my YouTuber name. I followed him out to the car and he drove me to the studio, promising to deliver my luggage to the hotel as soon as possible. I went in and had a really fun time recording the show. I was driven back to the hotel and with the promise that they would pick me up in the morning to drive me to the airport. I had made them fly me to Boston afterwards, instead of home, but the show was fine with that. I landed at the airport in Boston the day before my first panel. I was nervous, but my flight landed at the perfect time. As I was getting ready to hail a cab, I heard some familiar voices behind me. "Hey, [y/n] is here!"

I spun around. "Shhh. I'm in secret identity mode Mark. Not so loud. Hey Jack, Signe. How was the flight?"

Signe grinned. "Not as long as it could have been, but still too long. Jack slept through most of it and our flight didn't have wifi. It kind of sucked."

I nodded. "I feel for you. I just got in from NY and they WAY over booked that damn flight. I felt like the person next to me was practically in my lap the whole time."

Mark looked at me curiously. "What were you doing in NY? Doesn't your family live in Washington DC?"

I smiled. "Kind of. Mom lives close to DC, but I had to fly to NY yesterday to record an episode of the Tonight Show. Remember? I told you in one of our chats earlier this week, I swear."

"It sounds vaguely familiar. Oh, hey, we better move, we're starting to draw a crowd." I grabbed my bags and we hailed a taxi. We just managed to squeeze all of us in the back. Signe decide she would help the situation by sitting on Jack's lap. It did help, and it looked like Jack didn't mind in the least. We had all be given rooms at the same hotel, so we all had the same destination. Apparently, the talent agent, or whatever they were called, had booked a whole floor of the hotel for YouTubers and headliners at the convention, so our rooms were even in the same area. I wasn't as close as I could have been, but I wasn't that far away either. We all checked in and I dropped my bags off in my room. It was early still so I texted Jeanna. I had been forced to call her and tell her I would be staying somewhere else, but not where or why. I asked if she wanted to meet up, which she did, and asked where. She told me she would meet me in the lobby of her hotel, and named the hotel I was in. I gave her a thumbs up and wandered down the hall, knocking on Jack's and Singe's door. Signe answered and grinned when she saw me. I told her where I was going and asked if she wanted to come. She agreed and we walked down to the lobby to wait. Signe had texted Jack, who was with Mark, waiting for Bob and Wade to get here. We sat down and lounged on the over stuffed cushions waiting for Jeanna to come down. 

Suddenly I heard another familiar voice behind me. "Signe! [Y/n]! Good to see the two of you! This is Marzia, [y/n]. Marzia, this is that woman I was telling you about the other day." I smiled at the new face.

"Hi. Oh, and hey Felix, can you please NOT yell my name across the lobby. People still don't know who I am, and I want to keep it that way for as long as possible. You are famous, so if you yell out my name, people are going to wonder who I am."

Felix grinned and apologized. We were just catching up when I heard my name shrieked yet again. "OH MY GOD! [Y/N]! It's been way too long." Suddenly Jeanna was tackling me, knocking me over on my cushion. Felix, Marzia, and Signe laughed. I sat back up.

"Hey Jeanna. Nice tackle." Felix looked at me and winked.

"Well, it was nice meeting you. Bye!" He pulled a confused looking Marzia along behind him as he left to go check in. 

Jeanna looked at his retreating back and did a double take. "Was that who I think it was? Were you talking to PewDiePie and his girlfriend?"

I nodded. "Yeah. They are staying here for the convention. I think a bunch of the YouTubers are. Hey, um, listen, when is everybody else getting here? I have some news that I want to share with all of you. Oh, and meet my friend Signe. Signe, this is my friend Jeanna, the one I told you about who's teaching in Japan." Signe sat up and held out her hand to shake Jeanna's. Jeanna's mouth was hanging open and she didn't move. I turned to Signe. "I told you so. See, she knows who you are too."

Signe giggled and Jeanna finally unfroze. She looked at me and whispered, "That's Wiishu. JackSepticEye's girlfriend. How do you know her?"

"Long story. Anyway, I can get you guys to meet Jack and Signe if you want. Although, Jack isn't here right now, he's off with Markiplier waiting for some of their friends." I looked closely at my friend. "You're not going to scream again are you? I think Signe and I would prefer it if you were quieter."

Jeanna looked at me. "Well, you did tell me you had made friends in Ireland. Holy cow. This is so cool. I know someone who knows someone famous." I grinned at Signe, over Jeanna's shoulder. "Oh, you asked when everyone else was getting in, right? I think tonight for the most part, why?"

"I want to hang out with you guys and I'm going to be rather busy this weekend. I'll explain later. What room are you in?"

Jeanna looked at me, suspiciously. "Room 871. Are you staying in this hotel? What room?"

I swallowed. "Nevermind that. I have to go take care of something with Signe, in her room. I'll meet back up with you in twenty minutes, okay?"

Jeanna crossed her arms. "No. You are not leaving until I get some answers. You're being awfully evasive all of a sudden. Do you know a secret?" She looked at me for a good long minute. Then her eyes widened and she leaned in to whisper, "Do you know who [Y/Y/N] is?"

Signe giggled. Of course she heard. She was the first one to answer. "Yes, she does. But she is sworn to secrecy." Which is technically true, I suppose, even if I was the one imposing the secrecy. "Actually, it has to do with that. Listen, I promise to bring her back as soon as I can, okay?"

Jeanna's eyes were bugging out. "Okay. I understand now. Wow. You know the biggest secret on the internet right now. "

Signe grabbed my hand and dragged me along with her. When we got in the elevator, she grinned at me. "Smooth move there, [y/n]. Another minute and she might have guessed completely. Hey, are you okay?"

I was shaking and looking at the floor. Oh god, how the hell was I going to get through this? I looked up at Signe, tears rolling silently down my face. "I have to tell them. I have to tell them, and they are going to freak out and hate me. What am I going to do?" Signe reached over and hugged me. She guided me out of the elevator to her room. I was sobbing hard now, completely panicked. It took me over half an hour to get calmed down enough to stop crying. Signe texted Jeanna and told her we were delayed, but would be coming down as soon as we could manage. Just as I was finally getting calm, Jack and Mark came in. Jack took one look at me and came over, giving me a big hug. 

"What happened? You were fine when I left. Did someone say something mean?"

Signe shook her head. "Her friend met up with us and was a little to intense and almost figured everything out. [Y/N] freaked out. She's been trying to calm down for the last half hour."

Mark came over and gave me a hug as well. I was embarrassed to have freaked out so badly, but I knew it wasn't something I could control. Signe was rubbing my back, Jack was sitting with one arm around me and Mark was sitting on my other side, rubbing my shoulder comfortingly. It was nice and I finally calmed down completely. 

I leaned my head against Mark and closed my eyes for a minute. When I had given myself a mental pep talk and reopened them, I sat up and then stood up. "Thanks guys. I'm sorry I was such a mess. This has all been really overwhelming. I think Felix was even surprised at my friend though. He was talking to me when she spotted me and that's kind of when she started flipping out. She was just too loud and questioning me too much. I couldn't handle it. I think she forgot I'm pretty shy and hate drawing attention to myself." I looked down.

Mark chuckled. "And yet here you are, the rapidly rising YouTube star. International woman of mystery. Yeah, that's a great fit." I tried to smile, but it didn't look too convincing. Signe and Jack exchanged looks. Mark cleared his throat. "Okay, sorry. Oh, hey, we came to see if we could find you two anyway. Bob and Wade are here and want to meet you, [y/n]. Signe they wanted to see you again too, and so did Molly. If you're up to it, we should go meet them." 

I nodded and then said, "Yeah, that sounds good. Just give me a minute to grab something from my room."

Signe looked at me out of the corner of her eye. "I know what you're going to get. Do you really need it right now?" I nodded. "Okay, I'll come with you."

We walked back to my room and I grabbed my carry-on bag, the one that held my helmet and recording equipment. As we walked back, Marzia was just stepping out of her room. She smiled and waved at me. Signe and I walked over to talk to her. Felix came out and joined us. Before long we all started walking down the hall toward Jack and Signe's room again. Just as we were coming close, Mark and Jack stepped out. They grinned at us. "Gathering more people seems to be your specialty lately [y/n]. And I thought you were shy."

"Mark!" I rolled my eyes at him. "I may be shy, but I'm not unfriendly. Besides, everybody here already knows my secret identity and is WAY more famous than me. So shut up Mark."

Wade walked up just as I said this. He laughed. "Somebody is finally telling Mark that? Amazing! I like her."

Mark blushed and growled "Shut up, Wade."

Wade pouted and said, "See what I mean?"

We all laughed. I walked over to shake Wade's hand. "Hey, nice to meet ya. I'm [y/n], aka the infamous [Y/Y/N]. You're Wade Barnes, right?"

Wade looked a little surprised. "Yeah. Jeez, I didn't know you'd be here. Your channel is really awesome by the way. Anything Mark, Jack, and Felix endorse on Twitter, I make a habit of looking at and you have so much different content, especially considering you have only been doing this for a month or so. What's your secret?"

I blushed. "Um, I overwork, edit fast, and stockpile extra videos."

Jack laughed. "Yeah, that about sums her up. Except she's funny and a shite ton of fun too. She can usually record her videos in one take and she usually records about three a night after she works her day job, during the week. I have seen her record as many as ten in a weekend."

Signe looked up and grinned. "But she still always has time for me and Jack. A few times I think we might have starved if she hadn't moved in next to us." Jack grinned and nodded. I blushed harder, looking down at my feet. 

Bob looked very impressed. He must have heard this exchange as he walked up. "Well, who is this mystery woman then? Is she the one all of you have been talking about on Twitter lately?"

Felix nodded, smiling up at Bob. "Yeah, bro. She's [Y/Y/N], or if you are friendly, [y/n], although that's apparently a secret."

"Um, yeah, sorry about that. I haven't told my friends or family yet, except my brother, who is dying to meet everyone. I told him I thought I could probably get introductions for him. Felix, he is a huge fan. Um, Jack and Mark, he's a big fan of yours too, but well..."

Felix laughed at this. "Yeah, I know how fans can be. So tell us, [y/n], who did you start out as a fan of?"

Jack grinned from ear to ear as my blush came back with a vengeance. "ME!!!" He shouted. And then as an afterthought, "And Mark, I guess."

Signe punched him lightly. "Settle down. It's not like she was a drooling fan girl. And you know she's shy so, I think she did a really good job of keeping her cool when she met you."

He grinned. "Yeah, she did good. But I still chuckle when she comes over in her pajamas, 'cuz half the time it's one o' tha tee shirts with my logo." He looked proud.

That is, until Signe said, "Yeah, with Markiplier pants." Jack drooped a little. I was wishing the floor would just swallow me up. Signe looked at me for a second and then at the guys. "Hey, excuse us a minute, we're just going to step in here." She lead me into her room. I covered my face with my hands. "Are you okay? You're awfully quiet."

I looked up. "I was just wishing the floor would swallow me up. That's all. Hey, while we're in here, I'm going to change clothes real quick. Guard the door please." Signe nodded and I dug out a pair of dressy jeans and a Star Wars tee shirt in light purple. I brushed my hair back and put it in a low bun, which I had found worked really well with my helmet. I changed into my heels and put on my helmet. Just then there was a knock on the door. I nodded to Signe and she opened the door.

It was Mark. "What are you two... Oh, nevermind. Well, um, are you ready to go? We want to go get some dinner and were hoping you could come with us. We're just getting takeout, so you can leave the helmet on in public, if you want [y/n]."

"Thanks Mark. Sure, I'll come. Let me just text my friend real quick." I sent a Jeanna a text message claiming I had gotten a migraine and I was going to lay down. I would try to catch up with everybody tonight, if I felt up to it. She sent back a feel better message and some emojis. I rolled my eyes and put my phone away. "Lay on MacDuff." I gestured out the door.

Mark grinned at me. "I can never get used to your voice in that thing. It's dead sexy." He blushed, turning as bright red as his hair. "Um, not that your voice isn't normally sexy." He put his hand up to his mouth and whimpered. I laughed and so did Signe. 

Signe was just saying, "Smooth Mark. Oh my god." When we rejoined the others. Felix grinned at me. Signe announced, "We're back. We just needed a minute to put on our armor to face the world."

I corrected her. "I needed a minute. You were fine. Oh and Mark apparently has some form of verbal diarrhea, because he's just blurting out whatever comes into his head." Signe giggled and Mark's blush returned. 

Jack looked over at him and grinned. "What did ye say now?"

Mark looked at the floor and mumbled something indecipherable. Signe spoke up. "He informed [y/n] that her voice was dead sexy with the helmet and just very sexy the rest of the time." The entire group broke out laughing, and even Mark joined in in a minute. 

Finally, we all settled down. "Did someone mention food?" I asked. "I'm starved. The plane from NY to Boston didn't serve anything and I haven't had a chance to eat today. Let's go!" I raced toward the elevator and looked back. Signe headed towards me, followed by Wade and Bob. Marzia and Felix suddenly rushed past them, joining me at the elevator. Jack and Mark were lagging behind. I commented, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Of course, now we have to wait for the midgets." Bob and Wade started laughing so hard they had to lean on the wall. Felix grinned evilly. Marzia and Signe were laughing and holding their sides. Jack made a face at me. 

Mark, however, looked indignant. "I'm not a midget!" His voice squeaked as he yelled this at me. Bob and Wade looked like they were going to pass out from laughing. 

I looked over at them. "Guys, breathe." I turned back to Mark and Jack. "Fine, you're not a midget. Jack's a Leprechaun and you're a dwarf. My mistake." 

Jack grinned at me. "I'm no Leprechaun. Ye're just a giant. Plus yer wearing yer heels."

I looked down at him. "I could take them off, oh short one. I'm still taller than you both."

Jack held up his hands. "I concede. The lady speaks the truth." Jack reached over and grabbed Signe by the waist, pulling her in for a kiss and quick hug. "I claim a consolation prize."

Signe grinned into his face. "Sorry, love. I'm no consolation prize. But neither are you." She kissed him again, just as the elevator arrived. We all watched the exchange with grins on our faces and climbed into the elevator, heading for the lobby. 

Wade spoke up. "That was really sweet guys." He sighed. "I wish Molly was feeling better. The flight over gave her a terrible headache, from the guy next to her who smelled bad and kept trying to lay on her. She had to basically fight him off the whole time."

I nodded in sympathy. "Yeah the flight from NY was super packed. I practically had some random stranger in my lap for the whole flight."

Felix and Marzia grinned. "We got bumped to first class because the ticket agent recognized me. Hey, maybe you should have worn your helmet, girl."

"Oh my god. It is a huge hassle to get through security with it on. I wore it from Washington DC to NY. Everyone was really nice, but I had to go through extra security steps. I did get recognized and bumped from economy to business class though. That was nice. And it was lucky I did wear it, they sent someone to meet my plane." The elevator doors opened just then and we all exited the elevator. We heard several squeals and shouts and suddenly we were being mobbed by fans. I had never had this happen before so I just froze in place. At first it was fine. I was in the middle of the group and the fans were shouting to Mark, Jack, and Felix mostly. Then someone spotted me. The ENTIRE group suddenly screamed my YouTuber name and dozens more people rushed over. Our whole group was forced backwards, into the elevator again. Hotel security had to come break up the mob. I was, quite frankly, terrified, but since I was in my helmet, I was able to stay at least outwardly cool. Once security had dispersed the crowd, we tried again. We made it out the door and down the sidewalk without further incident. I sighed, turning to Jack, Mark, and Felix, shaking slightly. "Does that happen to you guys a lot?"

Jack shook his head. "Usually only at the convention itself. And I've never seen th' reaction like they had for ye before."

"Great."

Mark looked over. "Don't worry. We'll protect you."

Felix grinned. "You handled that really well, you know. If I had been you, I might have screamed and tried to run away. You stayed cool and let security work. That's exactly what you should do."

I laughed a little grimly. "Thanks Felix. I was too terrified to move. Good to know my scared rabbit routine worked." Suddenly I felt my cell phone buzz. It was Jeanna, texting me that I had just missed [Y/Y/N] in the lobby. She gushed about how cool it was and what a star she was. She was totally fangirling. Over me. I started laughing so hard I had to stop walking and bend over so I didn't fall over. The group stopped looking concerned. Finally I caught my breath. "Sorry. Read this." I handed my cell phone over to Jack. He, Mark, Signe, Marzia, and Felix read it and started laughing, before handing it over to Bob and Wade. Bob immediately started to chuckle and Wade looked confused for a second. I clarified things for him. "My friends don't know, remember?" Wade looked startled and then started to laugh as well.

Jack settled down. 'Well, never a dull moment when yer around. Now let's go get our food and get back ta tha rooms. Whose room do we want ta hang out in tonight?"

"Well, you guys can all hang out in my room, if you want. Or should I say rooms. Somehow I got a suite." I looked at the group.

Felix raised his eyebrows. "How did you manage that?"

"I have no idea. That's just what I was given when I arrived to check in. Honestly, three weeks ago I was expecting to be attending as a fan, sharing a room with three other people. And now, somehow I ended up here."

Jack grinned. "Like I said, never a dull moment. So what kind of food do we want ta get?" I voted for Chinese, Mark and Jack wanted pizza. Wade suggested subs. Marzia and Signe said anything was fine. 

Bob was the last one to speak. "I vote for Chinese today and pizza tomorrow for lunch. Don't forget, we have con stuff to do then. We can probably get pizza at the convention center or at least have the staff get us some." Everyone agreed. I noticed a Chinese food place just up the block and pointed it out. We walked in, ordered our food, paid, and were waiting when I got another text message.

Jeanna sent *So, are you feeling any better yet? Carmen just got here. Freddy's flight gets in in twenty minutes, and Alex is here. Come on, we miss you!*

I texted back. *I'm still not feeling great but I'll be there in a little while. And I have a surprise.*

Jeanna texted, *OMG! You're pregnant aren't you?*

I laughed. *Not even possible. You'll see soon enough. I'm gonna go now. See you soon!* I told the group what i was laughing at. Jack and Signe grinned. The rest of the group didn't seem as amused.

Signe rolled her eyes at them. "Guys, if you knew her better, you would know how impossible that was. I swear, she spends more time alone in her apartment, or locked in her office at work, than anyone I've ever seen. Other than Jack and I, I doubt she even talks to anyone outside work in person more than once a month or so."

I added, "My friends all call me a hermit, and I can't disagree. Even at work, most of my job is locked in the server closet or the IT office by myself. Except the rare occasions they have me teach a beginner's computer class. Sure, I talk to people online, but mostly I just don't interact with people face to face."

Felix grinned. "Then why did it take you so long to discover YouTube?"

"Um, because I'm shy? I don't know." Finally our food was ready. We grabbed it and walked back to the hotel, crossing the lobby as quickly as we could in hopes no one would spot us. We were mostly successful, but just as our elevator arrived, someone saw my helmet and shouted I was there. We all scrambled in and hit the door close button, escaping before we got mobbed again. We stopped on a few random floors, trying to throw the fans off before heading back to our own. We put the food in my room and I turned to face the group. "Before we all go in and eat, can I ask a huge favor? Can you all come with me to meet my friends and help me with the big reveal? Almost everyone is there, and I only want to do this once."

Everyone agreed and we headed back into the elevator. I double checked the room number Jeanna had given me. 871. We got out on the eighth floor and followed the signs to room 871. I was trying not to throw up as I knocked, I was that nervous. Alex opened the door. She squealed and clapped her hands over her mouth. Jeanna, Carmen and George looked up. They did a double take, before suddenly they all ran over to us and practically dragged us into the room. There was absolute chaos for several minutes. Finally, Alex was able to get herself together enough to shush our friends. She turned to us and said in a very strangled voice, "Can we help you?"

Jack was grinning. He put a hand on my back and gently shoved me forward. "Hey! Watch it Jackaboy!" The YouTubers all grinned. "So um, hi everyone." I waved. I had forgotten I was still in my helmet. I heard Signe giggle as I felt a tap on the shoulder. I turned to look and she motioned for me to take the helmet off. I blushed under the helmet, glad no one could see. I turned back to my old friends. "Right." I took my helmet off, then held it somewhat awkwardly. Jeanna freaked out, just repeating the phrase no way over and over. Alex and Carmen looked like they were going to pass out. George started laughing. I looked at him. "What?" 

"You're really [Y/Y/N]? YOU? The one person I know who is so shy she passed out at the thought of going to a karaoke night? Really?" He kept laughing.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, this is certainly everything I imagined. Anyway, I wanted to introduce you, my old friends, to these people, my new friends, or mostly friends. I just met Marzia, Wade, and Bob today, but they seem really cool." My old friends were still too busy freaking out to say anything. After a solid ten minutes of awkward silence I spoke up again. "Well, gang, it's been fun. We have to go now. I'm not sure if I'll be able to hang out much this weekend because of the con, but I'll try. Oh, and if ANY of you reveal who I am to anyone else without my permission, I will do something terrible." I looked them all in the eye, and they knew I was serious. I was known for holding grudges and getting creative and sometimes painful revenge, at least among my friends. They suddenly found their voices and swore to secrecy. I put my helmet back on, and we separated, leaving my old friends in their room to discuss this turn of events. I gave Alex my room number as I left, but warned her there was tight security on our floor, since all the talent for the convention who was at this hotel was apparently on that floor. She smiled and nodded, swearing not to share it, and I let it go at that. My fellow YouTubers, Signe, and I marched back to the elevator and went back to my suite. I apologized for that mess as we got there and I took my helmet off once more. Suddenly, Signe remembered my carry-on bag was still in her room, so she ran down the hall and grabbed it, bringing it back as we set up dinner and got comfortable. I kicked off my heels, into the bathroom, where I wouldn't trip on them, and sat down with a sigh. Everyone dug into the food and soon the awkward encounter upstairs was all but forgotten. We decided to play some games after we ate, starting with Cards Against Humanity. It was a fun and relaxing evening, made all the better when Wade left for a few minutes to go bring Molly back to join us. We all stayed up playing late into the evening, when jet lag caught up with almost everyone. Jack and Signe fell asleep on the couch, and I didn't want to wake them, so I grabbed some extra blankets and wrapped them up. Felix and Marzia left, nearly asleep on their feet. Bob excused himself to go call Mandy. Wade and Molly left next, not really giving an excuse, just heading out telling me it was nice meeting me and they would see me the next day. Mark and I were the only ones still there and awake. He and I were sitting in chairs opposite each other and chatting quietly. We stayed like that until very late, when Mark finally told me he needed to go get some sleep. I smiled at him and walked him over to the door to say goodnight. As he was leaving, he suddenly leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss. I was too surprised to move, so he pulled back and whispered a soft goodnight. I stared down the hall after him for a long time before I turned back and closed my door, sliding slowly down it to sit on the floor with my head in my hands. Mark had just kissed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt so bad about missing the update yesterday, I started on this chapter right away. So here ya go, TWO chapters in one day...
> 
> And this one is EXTRA long to boot!
> 
> And a chapter in my other fiction should still be going up later. My fingers are going to be sore pretty soon...


	7. PAX East Day One Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the convention to start and your first panel is today.

As it turns out, we had a witness to our kiss. Signe had woken up when she heard us walk past the couch she had been asleep on. We didn't notice because Jack was still lightly snoring next to her and she only half opened her eyes, watching us through her eyelashes. She let me react to the kiss and waited several minutes after I slid down the closed door before she opened her eyes fully and looked over at me. I assumed she was just waking up. I stood up and smiled at her. She wasn't having any of it. "So that was quite a goodnight there [y/n]. Glad to see you don't need the helmet for everything."

I blushed as brightly as I ever had in my life and groaned. "I had no idea that was coming. One minute we were just chatting and saying goodnight and the next..."

Signe giggled softly. "We'll have to call him hotlips, since he stole the kiss. That can be his code name." She stretched a little. "What time is it anyway?" 

I squinted at the clock. "Three AM. He stole a kiss at three in the damn morning." 

Signe grinned. "Yup. Looks like he did. Do you want to talk for a little while," she yawned hugely "or do you want to get some sleep? I want to go back to sleep unless you need to talk about things."

I shook my head. "Sleep. I have never been to a convention like this and I have the feeling I'm going to need my wits about me when I'm there. I have a panel to do after all, besides a meet and greet. Thanks for asking though. Are you comfortable enough there?" She nodded and waved a hand dismissively, already more than half asleep again. I shut off the lights and walked into the bedroom. I threw on a pair of shorts and a tee shirt, brushed my teeth, and fell into the bed, sleep claiming me instantly.

I woke up to the sound of Jack yelling. It was a familiar sound, so it didn't even register where I was, until I heard what he was yelling about and who he was yelling at. "What do ye mean he fookin' kissed her? Where were we? I SLEPT THROUGH IT?!?" I heard Signe trying to shush him a little.

I glanced at the clock and groaned. Nine AM. I needed to get up. I crawled over to the end of the bed and grabbed some clean clothes, my helmet, a hair tie, and my hairbrush. I hauled it all into the bathroom, locking the door behind me, stripping naked, and hopping in the shower. After my quick shower, I got dressed, brushed my hair out, pulled it back into a low bun once again, and put on my helmet and heels. I did a fast super hero pose, hands on hips, shoulders back, head held high, and headed back out of the bathroom. I was going to go get some food when I heard a knock on the door to my suite. I opened it to find Wade, Molly, Bob, Felix, and Marzia. I waved them in. I saw Mark running up the hall and left the door open so he could come in when he got here, before following everyone else inside. Jack had calmed down considerably while I was in the shower and was having a whispered conversation with Signe when everyone crowded in. They looked up and smiled at the rest of the group. Felix said "So we were all hungry and decided we were going down to the YouTuber breakfast at the convention center. It's just starting and we wanted to see if you wanted to come [Y/N]. Oh, Jack and Signe too of course, but we thought we might have to track them down in their room." He turned to them. "Did you just sleep here all night?"

Jack grinned sheepishly. "Yeah. I never woke back up after I fell asleep last night. Signe did very briefly, but went back to sleep when she saw no one else was here except [y/n]."

I grinned under my helmet and resumed the super hero pose I had been in just a few minutes ago, before stating, "Let's go! The convention awaits." This made everyone laugh and I raced down the hall to the elevator after grabbing my cell phone, room key and laptop bag. I was the first one there, so I pressed the button and waited. The hotel security officer in charge of this floor was waiting on the elevator. I asked him if he minded waiting for the rest of the group before sticking my head out the door and yelling "Hurry up losers! I don't feel like waiting long..." Everyone rushed over. I chuckled as they got there, completely out of breath. 

When he finally managed to breath normally again, Mark turned to me. "How the hell did you manage to run that fast in those heels? I mean, I can't even run that fast in sneakers."

I laughed and lifted my helmet, whispering my answer to him. "Talent Markimoo, talent. Besides, I have long legs which are a distinct advantage when running." I lowered my helmet again, watching Mark blush to the tips of his ears. Jack looked at Signe, who was biting her fist to keep her laughter in. She was standing next to us, so I was fairly certain she heard everything I said. Finally she got herself under control and gave me a thumbs up.

When we got to the lobby, I made sure my helmet was securely in place and we all disembarked from the elevator. We were asked to wait while the security staff cleared a space for us to get through and we were escorted out to one of the waiting cars. PAX was paying to pick us up. We all squeezed into two cabs, with Molly, Wade, Felix, Signe, and Marzia in one, and Bob, Jack, Mark and I in the other. We spent the short ride to the convention center talking, mostly Bob asking me questions. I answered as many as I could and he seemed satisfied. Then he told me "Hey, I just wanted to check you out. I wasn't sure you were legitimately a nice person, because I didn't know you. You seem really nice though, and quite genuine, so I'll leave you alone. I just didn't want to find out you were using my friends to get famous or something."

Jack laughed. "Bob, she hates all this attention. She keeps trying ta hide. It was her idea ta wear the helmet and use tha voice changer. She panics whenever she has ta face anyone without it. My god, she didn't even want ta start a channel at the beginning of all this. Mark and I kind of made her."

Bob laughed. "Really? I haven't seen that side of her. Although her friends upstairs were teasing her about being shy."

Mark laughed. "Yeah, she's extremely shy. The helmet seems to give her confidence though."

"Guys, I'm right here. I can hear you. And don't worry Bob, I didn't take it seriously."

Jack leaned over and stage whispered, "Yeah, the helmet helps her confidence, but she was always sassy, even before the helmet."

"I can still hear you..." The guys just laughed at my statement.

Jack sat back again. "Well, [y/n], it's true. Ye've always been a sassy lass. I think that's why Mark likes ye." I was glad for the helmet, as I could feel my face suddenly flush with embarrassment. Mark was blushing too.

"Ja-ack, shut uu-up." Mark's voice was high pitched and almost whiny. Jack and Bob were making choked laugh noises. I chose to ignore all of them, looking out the window at the city of Boston as it sped by. We arrived at the convention center a minute later. When we all got out of the cab to head in, I ran over to the other group, who had just arrived as well, heading over to Signe. She saw me coming at a quick pace and raised her eyebrows, a clear question on her face. I shook my head. I didn't want to talk about it. Jack and Bob continued to heckle and tease Mark, not noticing I had escaped until Jack turned to say something directly to me. He spotted me with Signe and ran over.

"Lass, why did ye leave?" Jack was sounded slightly annoyed that he had been forced to come find me.

"I wanted to talk to Signe and I wasn't really part of the conversation at that point. You two were busy with hassling Mark."

Signe looked at me and then at Jack. She smacked his shoulder. "Stop teasing them, you idiot. You know she'll run away. Or hurt you." She turned to me. "You have my permission to smack him or better yet, verbally kick his butt. I know you can do it, I've heard you curse out other gamers for cheap plays before." She giggled. I blushed behind my helmet, but didn't say anything. Bob and Mark headed over to join us and the conversation moved on to video games and art. We were all into games and art in some capacity, so it was a natural topic to come up. I was arguing that good graphics were important, but a constant visual style and beautiful art could be even more so. I had played a few games that had a really strong graphics engine, but the art was lackluster making everything beautifully rendered but boring to look at. What good is it to see every leaf on a tree, when the tree looks like it was drawn my a seven year old. When I pointed that out, everyone seemed to agree with me. I also pointed out that I had a ton of respect for the people who made the graphics engines, and after all I was an IT person, so I did know coding. I knew full well how many hours went into doing that kind of a project. Finally, when we were all seated at the breakfast, I realized I had been basically just lecturing so I stopped almost mid-sentence. Signe looked at me and shook her head. "Realized no one was arguing anymore?" I swallowed and nodded. "It was fine. I think you surprised some of our friends though. They thought you were just a quiet person I hung out with. I guess that'll teach them." She grinned at me. "Seriously, though, I love listening to you when you get all impassioned like that."

I giggled, the sound being heavily distorted by my voice changer, but Signe knew what it was. She laughed along with me. "Sorry guys, I didn't mean to get up on a soapbox there. We just happened to hit one of my areas of knowledge and well, I got a little carried away."

The group looked at me. Felix spoke up first. "It's fine. You should hear us go on about YouTube sometimes." He paused. "Oh, wait. I'm sure you have. Or at least Jack. And you're a YouTuber too." That got a laugh out of everyone. "Seriously, you just surprised us. I, at least, didn't know you were quite so passionate about anything really. I've only played a few games with you. Typically, you're pretty calm. Calm, but loud." Again everyone laughed.

Mark spoke up. "Well, she did start by recording with Jack. That had to have some effect." I shook my head as Jack laughed and our friends all grinned.

"Nah. I was born loud. I just have periods of quiet when I save up for later. Ask my mom. When I was first starting school, I came home with a note that said I was quiet and my mom actually thought she was being pranked. I guess as a kid I never shut up when I was at home." This got quite a few chuckles. "Well, I guess I better take this off to eat." I started to lift my helmet, when I felt a hand on my arm.

I looked up to see Jack shaking his head. "Jus' trust me. Raise it up to eat, don' take it off. There are way too many cameras here."

I paled and complied. "Thanks Jack. I still want to keep my identity a secret for the most part. Yesterday convinced me of that for sure." Everyone dug into the food, except me. The reminder that I wasn't safely anonymous, even here, shook me and killed my appetite. My nerves about the crowds came back full force and I could only pick at my food, eating very little for fear I would throw up as soon as I ate. Signe watched me and I could tell she knew what was wrong. She started up another conversation with the group, distracting them from me, and I was grateful, but unable to join in much. Eventually, I put my helmet back down and just sat back. The wait staff came over and cleared my plate and asked if there was anything they could get me. I asked for a fruit smoothie from the menu and they told me they would be right back with it. I smiled. I could drink that to get something in my stomach and I wouldn't have to even raise my mask up. I had built a clever little trap door for a straw in the front that lined up perfectly with my mouth. Mark watched curiously when my drink came and I thanked the waiter. I grabbed the straw and Mark actually choked on his food when I just stuck it into my helmet.

That got everyone's attention. He stammered out an excuse when he could breath again. "Sh- she, just stuck th-the straw... ...in h-her helmet." 

I took a long drink, because of which, everyone could see the liquid level lowering. Jack laughed. "So, ye added a new feature to yer helmet. Nice of ye to warn us. Are ye trying to kill Markimoo, or was that just an accident? I can think of easier ways." He looked thoughtful for a second and his eyes gleamed wickedly when he added. "And more fun ones. Although, maybe not as innocent looking."

I flipped him the bird as I took another sip. "My nerves were acting up, Jackass." Everyone laughed. "I didn't actually think anyone would notice or act that way when I took a drink. Jeez. I'm not a killer."

Mark continued to chuckle. "Jackass, huh. That's pretty good. I'm glad you weren't trying to kill me. Now what's that about your nerves?"

Jack's smile faded. Signe cleared her throat. "She gets panic attacks. It's not funny Jack. You know what happened last time." 

Jack nodded slowly and turned back to me. "I'm really sorry. I forgot about ye're panic issues. I should have remembered how badly ye freaked out when yer channel first started."

Wade, Molly, and Bob looked at me curiously. Wade asked "What happened?"

"I started my channel because Mark and Jack wanted me to join them in a few games and they kind of insisted. I insisted on wearing the helmet, so Jack came over the morning before we recorded together to show me the ropes and I started the channel. My first video was a vlog and Jack made a brief appearance." Everyone nodded. "Jack then created an extra video for his channel and released it, promoting my channel. There was already fan interest in me because he had talked about me in a couple of his videos right before that. I created a Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook account for the channel. He and Signe both tweeted about me to their followers. We recorded some videos of Cards Against Humanities with Mark. We were all getting ready to switch games to Prop Hunt when Felix called." 

He nodded. "And I told them her hashtag was trending. She checked and she already had over twenty thousand subs. Honestly I was surprised by her reaction. It was very loud and unhappy."

I shivered. Bad memories. "Well, remember I had to be persuaded to start the channel in the first place. Anyway we recorded some Prop Hunt with Felix. Then we took a break to eat and I edited videos. When the break was over Mark came back on Skype and we recorded another hour of games. Afterwards, I went home, changed into pajamas and edited all four and a half hours of videos overnight, including rendering and thumbnails. I uploaded one of the games and recorded some solo gameplay of Slime Rancher, trying to calm down. Three hours worth. Didn't work, though. Jack came over to say he saw my video was up and to check on me. I tried to convince him I was fine, but I'm not sure how successful I was. Anyway, he went home and I kept working until Mark texted me on Skype that evening. I was still completely freaked out by being a trending topic on Twitter and I was too scared to go online to look at anything, so I made him check. I wasn't still the top trending hashtag, so I calmed down a little and logged onto the internet to check my accounts. The several thousand messages I had worked my nerves right back up, so I ended up not sleeping for the second night in a row, dealing with the flood of messages. If anyone watches my channel, they might notice I wear the same clothes in most of my episodes. It's because after that, I realized people would worry if they only ever saw the one or two outfits in an entire weeks worth of videos. I typically record at least an hour a night after work and ten or more videos on the weekends, uploading them in whatever order works best. It's how I've been on vacation for three weeks and none of my uploads missed or were late. I still do the daily vlog on the road, but the gameplay and art videos were all done before I left. If I get anxious, I work." I took another sip of my smoothie. "Actually, that kind of how I deal with everything. By working. That's why my friends, my old friends, all were worried when I moved away from the US. They thought I might work myself into the ground with no one to watch out for me, or become a complete hermit, with no social interaction. Moving was the best choice I ever made though. It has been amazing living in Ireland, even if some crazy stuff has come out of it." I shut up then, having run out of words.

Wade grinned. "I didn't know you had that much talk left in you. You always seem so quiet. It is pretty crazy how things worked out for you." I nodded.

Signe gave me a one-armed hug. "You've been dealing with it really well, I think. And I'm proud of you. The helmet really does boost your confidence. I can't imagine you being able to go on the Tonight Show without it." My hands started shaking so I set my drink down. "Oh, I didn't mean to get you upset. Come here [y/n]." Signe wrapped me in a hug and started patting my back to calm me down. It helped some, but I was still a bundle of nerves. Everyone at the table was looking at me with sympathy. Mark suddenly changed the topic. I was very grateful. Even sympathy can start to wear me down. I stared at my drink and pulled myself together. By the time everyone had finished breakfast, I was back to normal. Excited, but normal. I had even managed to finish my smoothie, so I was bursting with energy. We all headed for the 'green room' talent area where we were supposed to get our schedules for the weekend and wait for further details about how we could interact with the fans. Security was high, and I for one, didn't want to have a mob of fans rush me again. It was scary to say the least. since this was my first convention, I had no idea what it was supposed to be like. Signe excused herself and went to go explore on her own. I was slightly envious. We were led to a small room, where tables had been set up with our names on them. Boxes were stacked high on each one. Jack grinned at me.

"Well, [y/n], welcome to PAX East! This is apparently goin' ta be our 'home base' for tha weekend. Tha boxes are ta ship fan-made gifts back ta us. All of us have a meet and greet in tha small auditorium in half an hour, and you are welcome to come, if ye want. Otherwise, ye'll probably have to stay here for safety. "

Felix grinned. "Sure, come on. We have to go sit backstage and wait to be announced, but they usually have a card game or two waiting for us." Wade and Bob were nodding.

Wade grinned at me. "I've never been in an event with Felix before."

I laughed. "One of my two panels I'm supposed to be in, Felix is on, along with CinnamonToastKen, and Jack. Felix requested I be added when he heard I was being asked to come. I have never felt so popular."

Wade chuckled. "All the boys fighting over you, huh?" I nodded. "I know Mark has been talking about you almost non-stop when he calls. Is his the other panel?" I nodded again, speechless. Wade grinned. "I'll bet he insisted on that one. Oh, and by the way, congrats on getting over two millions subscribers!"

I blinked. "What?"

"You hit two million subscribers the day before yesterday. Didn't you notice?"

I shook my head for the third time. "That's just ridiculous! My channel is barely a full month old." I looked down suddenly. "I'm sorry, that sounded terrible. I know you aren't quite at a million and you've been doing this a long time." I blushed under my helmet. "Actually, I've been a fan for a long time. Of most of your group. That's also part of why I'm so overwhelmed." 

Wade smiled. "Hey, don't worry about it. I'm happy you're having so much success. I was a little jealous, but after hearing what you have been dealing with, and seeing your so called friends reactions yesterday, I'm not anymore. Besides, you're a really sweet person. And I like the way you can keep Jack in line. Signe is the only other person I have ever seen do that, and she won't go on camera. I'm a fan of your channel too, by the way. Your content is awesome."

I thanked him and realized we had walked the whole way to the auditorium without me realizing it. We headed in and got comfortable backstage. I had offered to go sit in the audience and watch, but security wouldn't let me. Felix, Mark, and Jack were whispering together, so I sat with Bob and Wade, chatting with the two of them. Marzia had left with Molly to go find Signe. Finally, Jack, Mark, and Felix nodded to each other and rejoined the three of us. Jack spoke up. "[Y/n], we want you to come out on stage with us. We talked it over and talked to the event coordinator. He said it would be fine, you would be a surprise guest, so it shouldn't cause any extra crowding issues."

I slowly nodded. "Okay. What are we doing?"

"Basically, we are just answering some fan questions and posing for pictures. Shouldn't be anything too bad." Mark answered as he adjusted the wireless microphone headset he had been given. Jack and Felix were doing the same. Bob, Wade, and I were handed handheld mics. 

I looked at them. "I guess we see who rates around here." Bob and Wade cracked up. Then I added a sassy comment. "Or maybe they are afraid the extra height will short something out." Bob doubled over and Wade lost it completely. Jack stuck his tongue out at me. Felix rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. Mark made an interesting noise, kind of like when someone steps on a squeaky toy. He blushed and everyone started laughing. 

Jack asked him "What tha fook was that sound, Mark?"

Mark blushed even brighter. "I have no idea. I was trying to protest. I'm not that short."

Wade finally stopped laughing to catch his breath. "Oh god. She really got you, didn't she?"

Felix looked at me and winked. "If it weren't for those heels, I bet you wouldn't even be as tall as me." I stood up and kicked my shoes off. I was a good two inches taller than him, barefoot. "Oh, never mind." He looked a little startled and embarrassed.

Bob raised his eyebrows. "If you're already that tall, why wear heels at all? Most of the tall women I know hate the things."

"Ha! I know. These are my only pair. I love them dearly. Usually, if you're tall, you have larger feet, and big shoes usually look like either cross-dresser shoes, really ugly monsters, or they exaggerate the size of your feet. These don't, and they are the first pair I've ever owned that are pretty and really comfortable. At first when I got them I kept falling over, but now I've learned to walk in them. I wouldn't wear any taller than these though. I don't want to give myself a nosebleed after all."

This got yet another chuckle. I sat back down and put my shoes back on. Everyone grabbed the game the event planner had left for us, FUNemployed. I had played it a few times with Jack and Signe, so I was at least familiar with it, as were the rest of them. We got through about five hands before the event coordinator stepped over, offering earpieces to Bob, Wade, and I. He also informed us that we would be going on in two minutes. I slipped my helmet off to put the earpiece in and everyone straightened their clothes and hair. I smirked at them as they primped. All I had to do was slide my helmet back down, which I did before any of the staff could see my face. Suddenly, there was a soft voice in my ear, instructing us where to go stand for the introductions. Felix was brought out first. The crowd went wild, cheering his name. He stepped out and took his seat on stage, On the far left side, in the arm chair provided. Bob and Wade were going to sit on the love seat on the right. Mark, Jack, and I were to sit on the couch in the middle. Wade was announced next and he went out right away, waving to the crowd. If the audience cheered a little less enthusiastically for him, he didn't show it. Mark was third. The audience was even louder than they had been for Felix, it seemed like. He waved and sat down. Bob came out next. Jack was the last one before they announced me. Jack got even more cheers and noise than Mark did. The audience had no idea I was coming, so when Jack sat down, they quieted down. Jack turned to Mark and said "Hey aren't we missing someone?"

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Well, you're here, Bob's here, Wade's here, I'm here, and Felix is here. Who else could there be?"

Jack looked at the audience, building suspense. "I don't know. Maybe we have a MYSTERY Guest!"

That was my queue. I stepped on stage. The audience went insane. Even my friends on stage looked surprised by the sudden volume and wild jumping around by the audience. I was glad I wasn't the only one taken aback by their reaction. I walked out and said "Hey guys, thought I might join you, since there is an extra space on the couch after all." I went to go sit next to Jack, but he moved to the end, making me sit between him and Mark. I raised an eyebrow in my helmet. What was he up to now?

We waited for the audience to settle down. It took several minutes until Mark finally said "Listen folks, I know it's exciting to meet [Y/Y/N], but we can't start until you settle down. And I know you have questions for us. We only have a limited time to answer things before they kick us out you know."

The audience settled down. I suggested we all pose for a group picture to start things off, which the crowd seemed to like the idea of. After a few silly poses, we started taking audience questions. I had planned to sit back and just let the guys answer things, so I could try to learn about being on a panel, but the crowd had other ideas. The second question was aimed at me, specifically. 

The audience member asked me how I knew Jack, and what I had done to get the promotion from him. "Well, I moved in next door to him about nine or ten months ago. He and his girlfriend came over to introduce themselves and we became friends. He found out I was a gamer and introduced me to Mark, and they wanted to play some games with me online. I told them I didn't want to mess with their recording schedule, so I agreed to be on camera for it, planning to record at Jack's apartment. They pushed me to start a channel, so I did with Jack's help. You know what happened after that. Thanks for asking. Next question please?"

The next question was aimed at Bob. It was about his back, and what had happened to it, how he was healing, that kind of thing. He explained and thanked the audience for asking and his fans for caring. Mark got the next question, then there was another one for me. It was the question I had been dreading. Why did I need a helmet. I stood up to answer this one, pacing slightly. "Actually, folks, this question is a big one for me. I was reluctant to even start a channel on YouTube. I'm fairly shy, if you can believe it and I like my privacy, so I didn't want to feel like people were always watching me. I also didn't want people to think I was trying to use my friends in any way, like trying to use Jack's popularity to launch a career of my own. I still have a life outside of YouTube and another full-time job. I don't want to give it up. I like it a lot and I'm good at it. Right now, I'm on vacation, so I was able to attend the convention, but who knows if and when things will line up again. So anyway, part of the reason I even agreed to be on camera in the first place was because I could hide my identity and stay somewhat anonymous. Thanks for asking and letting me ramble. Next question, please."

The next one was also for me. A little girl came up to the audience microphone and asked me this "Are you pretty? My brother said you must be really ugly to hide your face, but I said maybe you were really beautiful and didn't want to distract people. I really like your helmet by the way. Where did you get it?"

I chuckled at her. "Well, thank you, sweetie. I made the helmet myself. I bought a Darth Vader helmet several years ago, but it was not very sturdy and it was uncomfortable, so I used it to make the shape only for a new helmet. Then I made this one, adding some special touches like prescription sunglasses lenses, and the voice changer box. After the materials had cooled, I hand-painted it, making it as pretty as I could. It's one of my favorite works of art I have made."

Jack spoke up next to me. "And by tha way, she is very pretty. She wasn't trying ta dodge tha question. She is just shy and doesn't like ta talk about herself much. Right, [Y/Y/N]?" I nodded.

"Thanks Jack. Yeah, I am fairly attractive I guess. I'm definitely not an ugly monster, you can tell your brother that!" She giggled and skipped back to her seat. Before I could call for the next question I heard Mark clear his throat.

"Yeah, she's beautiful." He slapped his hand on his mouth and the audience made little aww's and ooing noises. Our fellow panelists all laughed and Felix and Jack slapped him on the shoulder. I walked back over and sat down, feeling self-conscious. He was blushing hotly and called out in a slightly shaky voice, "Next question. Please?"

The next member of the audience asked if Mark had a crush on me. I wanted to sink into the floor, but just sat there woodenly. Felix grinned and turned to Mark. "Yeah, does the 'Heartthrob of YouTube', Mr. King of the Squirrels, have a crush on the lovely [Y/Y/N]? I totally ship it." The audience laughed and cheered a little. Mark blushed again. 

Mark started mumbling something in response, avoiding the question as much as he could, but the audience just kept asking, even when the request for other questions was called. I was embarrassed and uncomfortable about the whole thing. Clearly Mark was as well, but Jack could tell I was starting to have trouble dealing with it and helped steer the questions away. I silently thanked him. Time for the panel to end was eventually called, so we wrapped up the question session with another few posed picture opportunities and headed back stage. I stayed silent on the walk back to the other room, but Jack was the only one who noticed. I sat down in a corner, out of sight and took off my helmet, trying to breathe. My nerves were so keyed up that when Jack touched my shoulder, I literally jumped into the air. "Hey, easy. Ye're okay. Jus' breathe. Do ye need me ta go find Signe ta sit with ye for a little while? I should have realized this might happen." I nodded and stared at the floor. Jack patted my shoulder. "I'll be back in a few minutes, so just sit tight and wait right here. Guys, keep an eye on her for a couple of minutes, please. She's starting ta have an anxiety attack." As soon as Jack has stepped back for me, I shifted positions, drawing my knees up into my chest, wrapping my arms around the tops of my knees, and burying my face in my arms. If it got any worse, I would start rocking back and forth.

The guys all came over, shielding me even further from sight. Bob and Wade pulled chairs over, while Felix and Mark sat on the floor next to me. I was focused so hard on my breathing I barely noticed until they both reached out and started rubbing my back and shoulders, gently. They started talking quietly, at first trying to draw me in to the conversation, then seeing it was making things worse, talking around me, just letting me try to deal as best I could. I rocked gently, trying to focus on anything besides my panic. Signe came running into the room and immediately pushed Felix and Mark away, being gentle, but firm. Then she wrapped me in a tight hug. It was exactly what I needed. I was back to calm in a few minutes and able to rejoin the conversation. I started by apologizing. "Holy crap. I'm so sorry about that guys. I wasn't expecting so much interest in me with all of you up there and it just swamped my mind. Thanks, Jack, for noticing and helping deflect the questions. God, how am I going to get through the rest of these panels and everything if the very first event nearly destroyed me?"

Felix grinned at me. "Hey, don't worry about it. You just got overwhelmed. It happens. And you waited until after it was over to fall apart. That is pretty professional if you ask me. The panel this afternoon should be easy. We aren't taking any questions from the audience, just goofing around and playing some games on stage. Jack and I will be there too, so just give us a signal if you feel too much anxiety. You know, like a code word or even a gesture, like patting your knee. We'll watch for it and steer the conversation to something else, okay?" 

"Thank you. I'll scratch my shoulder if things get too bad. It's something that I wouldn't normally do, but not something out of the ordinary enough that anyone will question it."

Signe grinned. "Now that you have that figured out, how did the panel go? Unless you don't want to talk about it?"

Mark grimaced. "I don't. Thanks for stirring that up so much Felix. And I thought the Septiplier shippers were persistent."

Jack grinned. "I have been replaced, I think."

I laughed. "Yeah, they sure didn't want to let that go." I turned to Signe. "As you can probably guess, there were a lot of questions for me. One of them was from a little girl asking me about my helmet and if I was pretty, like she thought or ugly like her brother told her. I told her I wasn't ugly, and I guessed I was fairly attractive. Mark jumped in with a comment about me being beautiful and things got out of hand. The next question that came in was if Mark had a crush on me, and Felix egged the crowd on. We tried to change the subject, but at least six more variations of the same things kept getting asked and it was just more attention then I could handle. I kind of froze up." 

Wade looked at me. "I didn't know that. It just looked like you were being quiet and letting us take the questions."

"Well, that's a relief. I was sure I looked like a wooden stump on the stage, too freaked out to move. I thought you were all just covering for me."

Jack smiled. "I could tell, but not that it was that bad until ye came in here and took off tha helmet. Ye kept it together really well until then. I texted Signe as soon as I saw ye go for the helmet though. She said she was headed back this way anyway."

I pulled my phone out of my pocket to check the time. It was almost noon. "So, what do we do now? I mean we could just hang out until you guys have to go do something, or we could venture out a little to look at things, but I don't know how much we are allowed to wander."

Signe grimaced. "It's really crowded this year. Security isn't going to want us just wandering around. Even Marzia and Molly were having some trouble. I'm still not that famous, so I was okay, but I had a few people stop me. They said they recognized me from your videos, [y/n]."

"Okay, so walking around is out, at least for me. I think I'm going to drag my laptop out and record a quick vlog. Then I might just play a few games if anyone wants to join me." 

Wade immediately volunteered, asking the event staffer assigned to our room to bring in the extra laptops that the guys had requested be ready. Bob joined us as well. Jack and Signe were discussing plans for the afternoon, and Felix was chatting with Marzia on his phone. Mark looked lost, so I gestured at him to join us. Wade looked over at me and smiled. "What time is your next event? It's the panel with Jack and Felix, right?"

I nodded. "It's not until this evening at six. Hey, why don't we order some pizza and just have a little party in here until you guys have to go?" Everyone agreed and the staff volunteer rounded up a few helpers to go get the pizzas for us. Everyone settled in to play. While the computers were warming up, I put my helmet on and recorded a fast vlog about my experiences so far at PAX, glossing over my anxiety attack and introducing all my fellow YouTubers briefly. They all waved and I told the fans I had to go, claiming we were going to eat and then we had things we needed to do for the convention. I uploaded the video to my computer from the camera, saving it to edit later. Since everyone was still trying to get logged in, I went ahead and started editing, just to kill a few minutes. Mark was watching and his eyes bugged out at the speed I finished, taking less than ten minutes to completely edit the vlog. "Hey, Mark, what's with that face? Haven't you ever seen someone edit a video before?"

Jack laughed. "I forgot he'd never seen ye edit before. Ye're fast and ye know it, ye show-off. Are ye done already?"

I nodded. "Just finished. It's rendering now, and I'll set it to go out for my vlog for today. I just wanted to finish while I waited for everyone else to be ready." 

Everyone except Jack and Signe were staring at me now, slightly open mouthed. I blushed. Jack shook his head. "How did ye dummies think she got so many videos banked for her vacation? She recorded enough for just over a month in a couple of weeks."

Felix looked at me. "I never even thought to ask how you did that. No wonder Jack was so impressed with your skills. He mentioned it several times."

I looked at Jack, raising an eyebrow. He grinned and waved a hand. "I was amazed is all."

"Well, now that you've all seen my editing, can we please play a game already? I don't really like editing that much, so I really don't like talking about it. So what game should we start with?" We all decided on Prop Hunt and loaded the game, we divided up into teams and were really into it by the time the pizza got here. We exited between rounds, grabbing pizza, drinks, and whatever else we wanted from the food they brought in. There was salad, wings, chips, cookies, and even a few sandwiches. I grabbed two slices of cheese pizza and a salad. I also snagged a bottle of watermelon flavored sparkling water. I sat back down and started eating, surfing to check Twitter as I waited for everyone else. What I saw there made me pause and put my food down. I was the top trending hash tag again. And the second was about my status as a mystery guest on the panel. The third most trending topic was Mark and I. I squeaked loudly. Since I wasn't wearing the helmet (we had asked the staff to wait outside while we ate, so I could take it off without having anyone accidentally see me), it sounded like a giant terrified mouse. Jack and Signe spun around. immediately knowing something was wrong. I picked up my drink and took several large sips. "So, I just checked on Twitter." Jack looked at me closely. I was a little shaken but not panicking, yet. "I didn't even know it was possible, but I am the top three trending topics. Well, the top two are just me, the third is Mark and I. Apparently, the ship has not only taken off, but it is breaking the internet. Why the hell does this keep happening?!?"

Felix came over to look. "PAX is going to love this. You also are in the top ten again with your YouTube handle and PAX East. Well, they are really going to get their moneys worth out of bringing you in. Oh, and you're also in trending with the tonight show." I blinked. Five hashtags in the top fifteen trending hashtags. I really was breaking the internet. 

I smiled a little weakly. "I have the power to kill the internet. All I need to do is do a face reveal video and *poof* no more internet. It'll fry every single ISP in the world." 

Jack laughed. "Glad to see ye're handling this okay."

"It's too big to comprehend. My brain is just ignoring it, I can tell." I thought for a minute. "Maybe later I will just be a quivering ball of raw pulsating nerves, but right now, it hardly seems real. Is that normal?"

Everyone looked at each other. Finally, Jack shrugged. "Who knows. If it works for ye, go with it."

I nodded and closed Twitter. Then I logged onto YouTube to upload my vlog for the day. Once it was done and I had it thumbnailed, I checked a few comments and noticed something that made me stare unblinking at my screen again. Mark noticed first this time.

"Hey, [y/n] are you okay? What's got your attention now? Something else on Twitter?" He walked over behind me and his jaw dropped. Now Jack and Felix joined him. So everyone was standing behind me staring at the screen. I had gained over a million subscribers in less than a three days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the length of this was getting ridiculous. I had planned to finish out the whole day in one chapter, but it was just too long, so here's part one. Part two should be up soon!


	8. PAX East Day One Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Felix's panel...

Not long after lunch, most of the group had to leave for their signing. Felix, Molly, Signe, Marzia, and I were still there. I had resumed my curled in the corner position after finding out I had topped three million subscribers. I had no idea how long I sat that way, but it was quite a long time. Signe came over after a while to talk to me, making sure I was okay, which I wasn't really. How could I possibly be? Signe decided to try distracting me. "So, [y/n], how was the kiss with hotlips? I never did find out."

I looked at her a little blankly for a minute before I realized what she was talking about. Felix and Marzia heard her as well and both of them looked over at us curiously. I blushed. Why did she have to bring it up here? "Surprising. I was not expecting it, that's for sure." I was not going to say who hotlips was, ever. Maybe Felix and Marzia would lose interest. If I just clammed up.

Molly walked over to join Signe and I. "Someone kissed you? When was this? Before you left Ireland?" I shook my head, my blush getting stronger. "While you were on vacation with your family?" Another head shake from me. Signe was grinning wolfishly.

"Oh, no, no, no. It was since we all got to Boston, wasn't it sweetie?" She cackled slightly. "Someone has a crush on you..." Felix and Marzia came over, curiosity all over their faces.

"Who? Where were you? Did they know who you really were? When were you alone? How does Signe know? Come on, spill!" I buried my head in my arms and tried to disappear into the floor. My blush was actually starting to become painful and I was starting to have trouble breathing. I pulled my knees in tighter and my fingers dug into my arms, leaving marks. I was starting to have a full blown panic attack. I started rocking back and forth, slowly at first, but picking up speed as my anxiety and panic got worse. Signe finally realized what was going on.

"Guys, we need to stop, right now. She's having a panic attack." Signe came in and wrapped an arm around me, but I was too far in my own head to hear her or notice properly. It sounded like her words were coming to me from underwater, slow and distorted. My mind was running in tiny circles of scared nonsense. I rocked ever faster. Felix came and sat down on my other side, trying to help anyway he could. Signe tried to pry my hands off my arms, noticing my fingers were starting to leave bruises, but she couldn't get them to release. "Oh god, [y/n], I'm sorry. Listen to me. Breathe. In, one, two, three. Out, one two, three. In ... Out... Good girl, keep going, just breath with me. In... Out... You got this. In... Out..." My rocking started to slow a little. I focused on Signe's voice and her breathing. Felix was patting my back rhythmically, which also helped. Signe, keeping her voice soothing and breathing in a way I could easily follow grabbed her phone, texting a message to someone. A few seconds later, Molly, who was looking lost got a message and ran out of the room. I was too focused to realize she must have gotten a text from Signe with instructions of what to do. 

Marzia looked at the time. "It's time for the others to come back. Can you make it until they get here, [y/n]?"

I didn't respond, not realizing she was even talking to me. I was still focused solely on my breathing. My mind had gone completely blank. Jack and Mark entered the room at a full run. Jack came over and moved Signe aside, hugging me tightly and making me focus on him. The hug helped calm my nerves further. Mark joined him on the other side, nudging Felix aside as well. After five or ten minutes, Signe was able to pry my fingers off my arms and I had completely stopped rocking. A minute more and I was able to lift my head and take a normal, if somewhat shaky breath. Jack and Mark didn't let go until I was able to say to them in a normal voice "Thank you. I'm okay now. You can let go." I tried to give them a smile as well, but it was pretty weak and wobbly. Jack released me. Mark held on a few seconds longer, as though he weren't sure I was really okay, but then let me go. I tried to stand up, but found I couldn't. My legs had locked up. Wade, Jack, and Mark helped pull me to my feet and help me to a chair. I thanked them all again, quietly. What would I have done if I had been all alone? Suddenly, a suspicion ran through my mind. "Guys, weren't you supposed to be at a signing? I didn't make you leave did I?" 

Mark put a hand on my shoulder. "Easy there, [y/n]. The signing was over. We just came back faster than we had expected. Molly came and got us."

I was confused. "But you guys just left a few minutes ago. How can the signing be over already?" 

I heard Signe swear. Jack looked at her and raised one eyebrow. Signe looked at the floor. "I knew she was stressing about what was going on with her channel. I thought I could distract her, but apparently, she was already having more of an anxiety issue then I realized. The gentle teasing and asking her questions sent her into a full blown attack. This is partly my fault."

I looked at her, tears in my eyes. "You didn't know how bad I was. Please don't beat yourself up! I need to see a doctor about it when we get home." 

Jack took me by the chin, looking me right in the eyes. His blue ones were full of concern. "Yes, ye do. I'm going ta bug ye until ye do it, too. This is happening too often. I understand why, but it's not healthy. What would ye do if it happened when ye were alone?"

I shuddered and looked down, unable to meet his gaze any longer. Mark's grip on my shoulder tightened for a second, before he released the pressure. "Jack, go easy on her. That was pretty scary just to watch. I can't imagine how it must have felt. And look at this," Felix was talking and he moved my hands slightly from where they were covering the bruised fingerprints my tight grip had left during the attack. "She did this because she couldn't stop herself. That was worse than anything I've ever seen before." He looked at me, concern on his face as well. "Are you okay to do the panel still, or do you need to back out of it? Oh, and I'm going to check in on you about following up with a doctor too."

I took a deep breath. My stomach was a knotted mess, but my nerves had calmed. In fact, I just felt numb. I opened my mouth to speak. "I can do the panel. I'll have my helmet and no one knows who I am. If it gets to be too much, I will excuse myself and go backstage to calm down. Can someone wait back there for me in case I need them?" 

Mark and Signe both volunteered. Jack still looked unconvinced, but I was determined not to disappoint anyone. Jack turned to Felix. "Fine, but I'm going out there too. I know we had discussed it and ye had only said maybe, but I've seen her through too many of these attacks and I know tha signs. Now, let's go do something fun to distract ourselves for a while." We all nodded in agreement. "What can we do?"

Suddenly, I had a brilliant idea. "Hey, why don't we go check out some of the game demos? I have a change of clothes and shoes with me, so no one will recognize me and I'll leave my helmet here. The only people other than you who know I'm [y/y/n] are my friends and my brother, and they won't dare tell anyone, not that people would believe them anyway. I have an awesome costume I want to wear anyway. I even have a few spare masks if anyone else wants to hide their hair or faces." I grinned. "Any takers?"

Jack and Mark both put hands on their hair and looked at each other. "I better" they both said at the same time. I grinned.

I reached in my bag. "Dragon, Chewbacca, or Batman?" I held out the elaborate masks. Felix grabbed the Batman mask, grinning. Jack took the dragon mask, which was attached to a green and silver hoodie and completely covered his head. Mark took the Chewbacca mask and marveled at the detailing. I grabbed my other clothes and walked over to a screened off area. I did a quick change and emerged, attaching the fake ears that completed my costume. I was a Starfleet ready Vulcan, in a Science Officer Blue Mini-dress. I tugged on my boots, and grabbed my makeup. Some quick eye shadow and I emerged from behind the screened area ready to go in under three minutes. I giggled at the reactions of everyone there.

Mark and Jack were staring, slightly open mouthed. Signe was looking equal parts surprised and impressed. Felix was blushing slightly and Marzia smacked his arm. I wasn't sure what that was about, but I figured I would either hear about it later, or could ignore it safely. Molly gave me two thumbs up. Bob whistled, looking very impressed. Wade just looked surprised. I laughed when he turned to Molly and said, "How come you are never that fast getting ready? I swear it takes you at least three times that long to do your makeup."

I chimed in, glancing at my watch. "What it takes her a under ten minutes? I was ready in less than three dude." Molly laughed too, elbowing Wade in the side. "Come on, let's get going. Sorry Bob and Wade, I don't have any costumes for you to disguise your height. I was a little nervous about that for myself, which is why I only ever appear as [y/y/n] in heels."

Wade looked thoughtful. "Yeah, that makes sense. In those flatter boots, you are only a few inches taller than most people." 

Jack flipped him off, getting a laugh from everyone there. We headed out of the prep room, making our way out to the gaming demonstration area. No one bothered us, although several people wanted pictures and to know where the masks and costumes were bought. I answered that I had made them, and everyone who asked was very nice about their disappointment that they couldn't buy them. I shook my head at the very idea someone would want to buy my work. We got to the game demos and wandered around for a little while before Felix called time to head back to get ready for the panel. We good naturedly groaned and headed back, far sooner than we would have preferred. We got back to the room and I once more did my quick change routine, wiping off the makeup as I stepped out, fully dressed, including heels in under two minutes. My costumes were neatly tucked back into my bag, and I pulled my hair back into the low bun I wore with my helmet. When I put the helmet on, I stood up straighter and squared my shoulders, feeling more ready to face the world than I had all day. "Let's do this thing."

Jack and Felix laughed. Mark and Signe grinned and gave me thumbs up signs. Molly and Marzia gave me hugs and wished me luck. They were going to wait in the audience with Bob and Wade. Wade gave me a high five as he wished me good luck. Bob gave me a pat on the shoulder as he walked past. When everyone who was going backstage was ready, Felix went to the door to get our security escort. PAX had insisted on providing one when we agreed to do the panel and after seeing the sheer number of people in attendance, I was happy to let them take us wherever we needed to go when people might notice us. It turned out to be a very good thing we had the security. Someone in the crowd spotted Jack's hair and yelled out his name. A few people turned to look. Someone spotted me and screamed my YouTuber name out and suddenly a ton of people were pressing on the security detail from all sides, trying to give me things or ask me questions. I was blushing hotly under the helmet, but I had my panic and anxiety well in hand. I was going to be okay. 

We made it to the backstage area and security headed back out, locking the door so we could get put if needed, but no fans could get in. We got settled in to wait. Mark was sending frequent glances my way, just checking to see if I showed any signs of panic. To be perfectly honest, I still just felt numb. Not very much time passed before someone else was lead back to our little corner. Jack, Mark, and Felix jumped up and hugged the newcomer. I stood up and saw it was CinnamonToastKen. Jack introduced the two of us. "Hey Ken, this is [y/y/n]. Or [y/n] when she's not online or in public. [Y/n], meet Ken." I came over to shake his hand. He gave me a one-armed hug, which I returned. We all sat back down and I started to sweat. I took off my helmet to wipe my forehead and Ken looked at me curiously. 

I blushed. "Sorry, I'm really shy. The helmet helps me feel like I can have a life outside of this insanity without crippling anxiety and panic overwhelming me." I put the helmet back on.

Ken chuckled. "Well, I can certainly respect that. I was just surprised. You're quite pretty under that mask, and most girls I know would want to show their looks off." I was glad I was back under the helmet, because I blushed again.

"Thanks, but I have a life outside YouTube and want to keep it that way, at least for now. Other than YouTubers, I have only told about six people, including my brother and Signe here. Well, actually, I didn't tell Signe, she knew all along."

Signe nodded. "Jack helped her get started, and we were her first two subscribers, but she is the one who puts in the insane amount of work. We have had to help her through several panic episodes, but she's a lot more confident with her 'armor' on and she feeds us, even when we forget to buy any food." She grinned at me. "Which I might add is more common an event than it should be."

Ken laughed. "She sounds like a great neighbor. And she doesn't mind Jack's yelling?"

It was my turn to laugh. "Nope. A few times, I was even louder than he was anyway. And Signe and I hang out whenever we have spare time, playing games or working on art, or just whatever really. Jack joins us when he can, but it's nice to just have friends who are fellow gamers and understand my weird geek obsessions. Although, after they saw my costume earlier they may be rethinking that. I don't think they knew I was a Trekkie."

Everyone laughed at that. Signe added "I was surprised, that was all. I certainly didn't hear any of the guys complaining about the outfit. Drooling a little maybe, but not complaining. Was that another homemade outfit?" I nodded.

The backstage manager came over to us. "Oh good everyone's here. Now, I have CinnamonToastKen, PewDiePie, and [Y/Y/N] on the panel. Is that correct?" He looked at Felix. Felix shook his head.

"JackSepticEye is also going to be on the panel. I informed the PAX coordinator he was a maybe, but he's here and willing, so please announce him as well." He turned to Mark. "Do you want to join us on stage? I don't think anyone would mind."

Mark grinned. "Why not? The fans will love it. I'll excuse myself if I need to, to help [Y/Y/N] if she starts to have another panic attack. Go ahead and include me."

Felix turned back to the manager. "That's Markiplier, so if you can announce him as well, that would be great. Now what game are we playing on stage today?"

The manager looked confused for a minute. "Um, game? Were we supposed to have a game for you?"

I signaled Signe, whispering to her "Hey, run back to my bag in the other room. I have FUNemployed and Cards Against Humanity in there. Thanks!" As she left, I turned to the manager and Felix. "No worries, I got s covered. Signe's grabbing my copies of FUNemployed and Cards Against Humanity, from the other room, so when she gets back, we'll be all set."

Jack laughed. "Such a good former girl scout. Always prepared for everything. I swear you probably have everything ye would need ta combat a zombie apocalypse close at hand somewhere. How did ye know we might need tha games?"

It was my turn to laugh. "I didn't. I thought we might want to play them if we had some down time is all. And I had a little room in my bag, so in they went. Aren't you glad I'm prepared? After all, that's why I always have food in my apartment."

"Ooh, touche. Alright ye win." Jack raised his hands. Ken, Felix, and Mark were grinning at this exchange, clearly amused by our bantering back and forth. 

The stage manager just looked relieved. "Well, if that's all settled, good. Um, we have a list of announcement you need to read. They are the fire codes and the city requires someone read them at every staged event. Who is going to handle that?"

We all looked at each other. "I guess I will. After all, I am the newest YouTuber here." I took the papers and speed read them. Typical fire code stuff, like where the exits were, how to file out in case of emergency, and who to look for. I nodded when I finished. "Okay. All set. As soon as Signe gets back I'm ready to go. How long until they start announcing us?"

The manager smiled. "Actually we still have to get everyone's microphones to them. Can you all handle putting them on yourselves, or do you need a sound check person to assist?"

We all assured him we could do it ourselves, so when the sound guy brought the headsets over, we all took them and the small battery packs and began getting hooked in. I had to step behind a screen to put the headset on under my helmet, but I tucked the battery pack in my pocket at the same time. I was done when I stepped out and we all did a quick level test. When the audio tech told us we were all set, we nodded and sat back down. Signe came back and handed the two boxes to me. I thanked her, as did the manager. Jack walked over and gave her a kiss, making everyone smile. The manager even found a small monitor screen for Signe to watch the panel on while we were onstage. Just then, the lights flickered. The manager told us we would be on in two minutes, indicating where we were to stand and wait. Felix told the manager he would announce everyone, if they wanted, since it was being billed as his panel. The manger agreed. We took our spots and listened to the murmur of the auditorium as people got comfortable in their seats and the lights dimmed. Then they announced Felix. He waved as he walked out, to thunderous applause and cheering. He took a seat and announced the next panelist, Ken. Ken smiled hugely and waved, walking across the stage to sit next to Felix. I thought Jack was going to be next, but Felix changed things up. He announced he had a special guest, just for the audience and brought Mark out next. Mark grinned and tried to use his swaggy move all the way to the seat, but tripped partway across stage, drawing laughter and extra cheers. I grinned under my helmet at his antics, and shook my head. What a doof. Felix announced Jack next, and Jack received a ton of audience cheers. They were nearly as loud as they had been for Felix. Not that the audience had been quiet for anyone. I was a little nervous that I wouldn't get the same level of audience approval, but tamped it down quickly. Of course I wouldn't. I was a much smaller channel and I didn't deserve it. So when Felix announced my name, the absolute ROAR of the audience surprised me. I started walking out and waving and the crowd somehow managed to get even louder. I looked over at my friends and did a speed walk, trying to get the crowd to settle by putting the focus back on all of us instead of just me. Felix was grinning at me. When I took a seat and the crowd finally settled enough for us to hear ourselves speak, he stood up. "Well, I see how it is. I host the panel and am upstaged by one of my guests. And as lovely as she is, everyone needs to calm down a little. She has a few announcements to read and then we can get down to playing some games for you, since I know that's really what you are here to see. Now, stand up and read those announcements [y/y/n]." I stood up and Felix added. "The giantess has the floor." 

I grinned in my helmet and started to read. The crowd went absolutely silent for a few seconds before there was a sudden cheer. I looked up confused. All the YouTubers looked utterly baffled as well. These announcements just weren't that exciting. I finished reading them and took a seat again. I still couldn't figure out what was going on. Suddenly Mark stood up. "Hey, everyone settle down. We can't stay up here forever, they will kick us out so other people can take the stage. Now, will one of the volunteers please take the portable microphone you have been provided and find one audience member to explain why everyone is suddenly so worked up? Thank you. You, you look like you know." Mark had pointed to a man in the fourth row. When he stood up, I saw it was my brother. I smiled and waved a little, as thought I were greeting a fan. Mark sat back down.

My brother waited until the volunteer with the microphone came over and then leaned into it. "Um, I think everyone is excited because this is the first time [Y/Y/N] has ever spoken in public without the voice changer between her and the microphone." He looked a little nervous as a bunch of people yelled out 'Yeah!' or 'He's right'. I stood up.

"Thank you for explaining it. Please come find one of the volunteers after the show, and we will give you an autograph from all of us. Oh, and what's your name, sir?" He grinned as he told me it was Chris. He knew I had to ask so it didn't look suspicious, and this was really just an excuse to get him backstage to meet my friends, but it was a good reason, one that wouldn't give anything away. "I am surprised everyone cares that much what I sound like. Now please calm down. We want to play some cards here." 

Jack laughed. "Yeah, ye rowdies are keeping us from entertaining ye. Quiet down." Then he looked over at me and winked. "Unless ye want ta hear how loud I can get..."

"Jack, you know I can get louder than you." I was grinning as I said this. Felix, Ken, and Mark looked at each other.

"Is that even possible?" Ken asked. Felix and Mark nodded.

"The very first time I ever talked to her, she yelled louder than Jack on Skype. It made my speakers cut out. She can do it. Just be prepared to take the headset off and fast." Felix explained to Ken. Ken whistled and the audience laughed. I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, okay so I'm loud. Anyway, are we going to play or what?" The audience had subsided as the guys teases me and it was quiet enough to get the game started. "Cards Against Humanity or FUNemployed? Pewds, it's your panel, so you pick."

Felix laughed. "You know, that's the first time you ever called me that. It sounds oddly sexy. I like it." I shook my head at him. Marzia was going to kick his butt later, I was sure. He turned to the other guys. "Any thoughts? I'm all for Cards Against Humanity, but I just have one vote." The other said that was fine. I opened the box and started pulling cards out.

When I was done, I mentioned "This set does have all the expansions, so I have no idea what we are going to get." I started shuffling black cards, handing stacks of white cards to Jack and Mark to shuffle and put where Felix and Ken could reach. When I finished with my stack of cards, I split it in half and put half the stack in front of Jack, Mark, and I. The other half of the black cards went in front of Ken and Felix. "Who's the first card czar?"

Felix looked at us and grinned. "Isn't it usually whoever pooped most recently? So when did everyone go last?"

I chuckled. "Yesterday, for me."

Mark made a face. "This morning?"

Ken grinned. "Um, lunchtime."

Jack smirked. "Last night."

I interjected "So it was you! I wondered who fouled my room when everyone was over last night."

The audience burst out laughing, as did everyone on stage. Jack blushed a little. "Yeah. Sorry about that."

I put an arm around him. "It's fine. I just wondered who did it. I used some air freshener and it was no big deal."

The audience was still chuckling and I heard a few 'aww' and 'besties!' comments. I turned to Felix. "How 'bout you Pewds? Or is Ken going first?"

Felix blushed and grinned. He grabbed the first black card as we all laughed. "The first black card is 'What ended my last relationship?'. That's 'What ended my last relationship?'." Felix waited while we all looked through our cards. I was trying to decide between 'Crucifixion' and 'An erection that lasts more than four hours'. Both were strong contenders, but ended up going with the erection card. Mark was trying not to laugh as soon as he played his card, so I knew he thought he was going to win, but I liked my chances. When we had all played, Felix started turning the cards over. "Okay, so we have 'What ended my last relationship?' 'Passive-aggressive Post-it notes'. 'What ended my last relationship?' 'An erection that lasts more than four hours'." Everyone laughed at that one. "Good choice. 'What ended my last relationship?' 'Not wearing pants' or 'What ended my last relationship?' '50,000 volts straight to the nipples'." I winced slightly at that one. "Okay, it's between the erection and the nipples. That sounds terrible when I say it out loud. I'm going to give it to... ...an erection." I grinned and took my card, much to most of the groups astonishment. Jack just laughed.

"She doesn't take any prisoners, guys. Jaysus, ye should have heard some of tha things she's said ta Signe and I."

I laughed too. "Come on you guys. It's Cards Against Humanity, not be cute and adorable to your fellow man. I play to win." The group looked at me grinning. "who's the next czar? Ken?"

Ken nodded and grabbed the next black card. "He we go. 'Tonight on SNICK: "Are You Afraid Of _____________?".' Let's see what you got people." We all played a card. I giggled a little as I played 'My Vagina'. Ken flipped the cards over and started reading "So we have 'Wifely Duties', 'My Hot Cousin', 'My Vagina', or 'Poor people'." Ken sat back to think for a minute. "Okay, I think we have to give this to 'My Vagina', who played that?" I made little grabby hands at the black card and the guys all groaned. I cackled gleefully. It was Mark's turn to be card czar.

"Here's the card. '_____: Kid-tested, mother-approved.' Come on guys, we can't let her crush us! Gimme something good." I smirked to myself. I decided to play 'Seppuku' for this one. When Mark flipped over the cards I laughed out loud. "So for '_______: Kid-tested, mother-approved.' The choices are 'BATMAN!!!', "Seppuku', okay that got dark, 'Shiny objects', or 'Penis breath'. I have to give that to whoever played the dark and twisted 'Seppuku'. That's just evil, but it's the funniest one." I grabbed the card. Jack smacked his forehead. Ken groaned. Felix looked at me and shook his head. Mark said "Really? I mean REALLY?" I laughed evilly. 

Jack looked at the rest of the group. "I told you, she says these terrible things, but they are too funny to get mad about. She's an evil genius. Now my turn to read. 'What don't you want to find in your Kung Pao Chicken?'. Oh jaysus, please don't make me sick guys." I played my card, 'Puppies!'. When Jack flipped the cards over he laughed. "My choices are 'A Fleshlight', eww, no thanks, 'Tentacle Porn', "Viagra', or 'Puppies!', oh my god, that's horrible. You are all horrible people and I'm ashamed to have you as friends." 

I heard Mark say "NOO! Not Chica Bica!" when he saw my card. 

Jack sat and thought about it for several minutes, eliminating 'Tentacle Porn' and 'A Fleshlight'. It was down to my card and 'Viagra', which I was pretty sure Ken had played. Mark and Felix were telling Jack to pick the right one, and to think carefully. Eventually, Jack groaned and selected 'Puppies!', saying, "It's just too realistic and gross." Jack looked hopefully at the guys one by one, asking if it was their card. He looked more crushed with each negative response. I was grinning so hard I thought my face might split in half. When Jack got to me, he handed the card over, adding, "Ye could be nicer to us. We are yer friends." 

I laughed a little. I faced the audience and asked them in a seductive voice "Should I show them some mercy?" I missed Mark's shiver and Felix's double take because I was surprised when the crowd roared a 'NO! WE WANT MORE', but I saw it later when the clip was tweeted at me several hundred times. I turned back to guys with a low chuckle. "Well, there you have it. The majority has spoken. Now prepare to amuse me." I reached down and drew a black card. When I flipped it over I almost groaned. I read it out loud. "Jeez. 'During sex I like to think about ______.' Okay let's see what ya got for me here." I watched their faces as they sorted through cards. Ken looked embarrassed, Jack was smirking, Mark and Felix were blushing. In fact, Mark was blushing really, really hard. After everyone played, I picked up the cards. "Okay so for 'During sex I like to think about _____.' you guys played 'Grandma', oh that's sick, 'Pac-Man uncontrollably guzzling cum', 'Miley Cyrus at 55', and 'Shiny Objects'. Well, you guys really pussed out on that one. I guess I'll have to give it to the cum guzzling Pac-Man. Who played that?" Jack grabbed the card. "I thought so." The audience laughed. we kept playing for another forty five minutes, until it was almost time for the panel to end. 

Felix stood up. "Well, bros, I think we should take just a couple of audience questions, since [Y/Y/N] has so thoroughly destroyed our asses."

"Hey! I never touched your asses. I'll have you know if I did, you would remember it." The audience whistled and cheered. 

Felix grinned at me as I collected my cards back up and put them away. "She's so sassy! Now, We can take five questions. Who's first? How about you, in the Game Grumps shirt, fourth row back." He gestured and the volunteer with the mic ran over and held it out so she could speak.

"Hi! I'm a huge fan of all of you. I just wanted to know, how does [Y/Y/N] manage to get out so many videos a day? I know she was on vacation, but she still stayed completely consistent. Do you have an editor?"

I laughed. "Nope. I overwork myself and I am somewhat of an insomniac. Typically, I work my regular job, come home and record for about an hour and a half, edit for an hour or two, render the videos while I eat dinner and watch some TV, and upload them to my channel to release at the scheduled time. Sometimes I record more. On weekends, I record between ten and fifteen videos and get them all edited. I don't really edit my daily vlogs much, so they just get recorded, slight editing if needed, rendered, and posted. The first two days after I started the channel, I didn't sleep at all." I paused for a second. "Actually, I think I scared Jackaboy because of it. I did call in sick the day after and sleep all day, but I tend to work as much as I can. That's not to say I don't take the occasional night off to go do something else, but I'm a bit of a workaholic. Thanks for the question."

Felix grinned at my answer. "Just to add my two cents to her comment, she also is an extremely fast editor and has a good eye for when to break videos up into separate sessions when she records for a long session. I've collabed with her and saw her do editing stuff today and it was amazing. Now, we better move on. Next question. Yes, You, the guy in the YouTube tee shirt, towards the back. What's your question?"

"Is [Y/Y/N] single?"

Oh boy. "Sadly, yes. But I don't really have time to date right now either. I'm too busy making awesome YouTube content and working my other job."

Felix grinned. "Next question, please. How about from that girl with the Brofist shirt and the SepticEye Sam on her shoulder. In the middle there."

"Um, this is for all of you. Do any of you hang out with each other in real life all the time? Like an a weekly basis? And if you could, but don't, would you?"

Mark answered first. "I wish I could hang out with these guys all the time! Unfortunately, they don't live very close by, so it's not very doable for me. I do hang out with them online, but it's not the same."

Felix nodded. "Yeah. My bros here are all busy and don't live nearby. Jack and [Y/Y/N] are probably closest distance-wise, but that's still over an hour away." He thought about it for a minute. "Actually, it's not as far as most of my friends. Hmm. Maybe we should visit each other more."

Ken spoke up. "Well, I don't live near any other YouTubers. I come to as many conventions as I can, but that's pretty much the only time I see my friends in person. I did fly over and visit PewDiePie here, but that isn't something I can do very often. I'd love to hang out with everyone more though."

Jack nodded. "I feel the same way. True, [Y/Y/N] and I hang out all the time, but that's because she's my next door neighbor. If she weren't, I doubt if she would even be on YouTube at all, which would be a shame. She's pretty great. I think all of us wish we could see each other on a regular basis, but we just live too far apart. Does that answer the question?" Jack turned to me. "Anything to add, lass?" I shook my head. Just then the backstage manager told us to wrap it up. We had less than five minutes left.

Felix called out for one final question, explaining we had just been given the warning that we were being kicked off the stage soon. The question went to a tall, dark haired woman in a sailor moon outfit. "This is for [y/y/n], but actually any of you could answer it. I'm really, really shy. How can I overcome it? I heard you mention in the surprise appearance earlier that you are shy. You come off as full of confidence though. Do you have any tips?"

I smiled under my helmet, even though no one could see me. "Yes. Find something you know about and talk about that. Whether it's video games, books, computers, science, math, art, or hamsters. Passion for a topic makes it easier to talk about, even in front of large groups. And don't be afraid to seek the help of others. I couldn't be up here alone today. I know my limits, and this would literally kill me. I suffer from crippling anxiety attacks and panic attacks. My friends know how to help me get through them. Find an activity that gives you joy and focus on that. For me, it's art and video games. And I'm good at art. Maybe not so much video games, but that's another story. Find your support system. Other than that, my recommendation is to try to find other people who have the same hobbies and interests to help you find common ground for starting conversations." I paused. "Wow, that sounded really 'inspirational speech', didn't it. Sorry about that. I'm just telling you what works for me. The single biggest confidence booster I have is that basically, I put on armor to face the world. Mostly it's to protect my privacy, but it also makes me feel more attractive and safe." I chuckled. "Not that I'm telling everyone to go find armor, but find something that makes you feel safe. Makeup, a good luck charm, or whatever. It will help more than you could believe. Anything to add guys?"

Felix looked at me, his head tilted to the side. "Not after that. You said it all. Well, bros, stay awesome!" He did a brofist to the crowd. The crowd cheered as the stage lights turned off and the house lights came up. We marched off stage and turned off our headsets. The guys took them off right away, and I slipped behind the screen to remove my helmet and headset, handing them over to the audio tech when I stepped back out with my helmet back on. I sat down next to Signe. I was shattered. The volunteer from the auditorium came back with my brother a minute later. She asked if she could get a picture with all of us, and we agreed. My brother took the picture and handed her phone back to her. She ran off, leaving us to talk to Chris by ourselves.

"Hey, Chris. How did you like the panel? Did I do okay?"

Chris's eyes were shining and he reached over and hugged me. "That was the single most awesome thing I have every seen!"

"Thank you. Now, I take it you would like to meet my friends? Guys, this is my youngest brother, Chris. Chris, this is JackSepticEye, CinnamonToastKen, Markiplier, and PewDiePie. Or as I call them, Jack, Felix, Mark, and Ken. I just meet Ken, but he seems really nice, and he's friends with the others so..." 

Ken grinned at me. "Yeah, you're pretty awesome. And anybody who can keep up with the rest of the these guys is someone I want to be friends with."

My brother was completely awestruck. Jack reached out for a handshake. "Hi, Chris. Yer sister has told me quite a bit about ye." 

Chris stared at Jack's hand like he forgot what to do. I chuckled. "Chris, you hold out your hand and he will shake it. There you go."

Chris whimpered slightly as Jack shook his hand. Felix offered him a bro fist, and I swear I thought my brother would faint. I wrapped my arm around my brother's shoulder. "Come on Chris, we need to head back to the secure room and you can come with us if you want. Then you can meet the other people I'm friends with who are here. At least the ones who don't freak out at me."

Jack knew what I was referring to and made a face. "I'm sure they will get over it, [y/n]. Ye just surprised them." I shook my head sadly as security lead us all back to the room with all the boxes labeled with our names. I was surprised to see how much there already was for everyone in the boxes. I glanced over at my boxes and did a double take. Apparently, people were handing stuff to event staff and other YouTubers to get to me. My boxes were already half full. I goggled under my helmet. As soon as we were in the room and the door shut, I took off my helmet and let my hair down. Jack laughed. "Feel better?"

"Oh, yeah. That helmet gets stuffy after a while. And my hair gets hot." I set my helmet down next to my bag. Then I turned around and finished introducing my brother to everyone. They all greeted him cheerfully, but he was still starstruck and couldn't talk. I turned to Felix. "I told you."

Felix grinned. "Yes, you did. Total fanboy reaction."

Jack grinned as well. "Ye did WAY better than this when I met ye. Ye just stumbled on yer words a little."

"I told you, I'm cool and collected. Usually."

Signe came over and gave me a hug. "Great job on the panel by the way. That was awesome! Way to kick some male booty at games." She gave me a high five. "I especially liked how you kept throwing them all off balance. Some of those cards were just evil."

I laughed, somewhat menacingly. "I like to let my dark side out every now and then, it makes me seem more sweet and innocent the rest of the time."

Jack laughed. "That it does, lass. That it does. Yer devious that way. I always forget ye have that twisted streak until we play that game."

Wade was eyeing my brother. "Is he okay?" I turned to look at Chris. 

"Oh jeez. Chris, breathe." Chris took a deep breath. His color, which had started to go slightly blue returned to normal. "He forgot to breath, he was so excited. It used to happen to him on his birthday, when he was little. Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I am so ready to get the heck out of here and just get some food and relax. Yes?"

Everyone agreed and I plopped the helmet back on my head, not bothering to redo my hair. Security came in and walked us out to the cars waiting to take us back to the hotel. We all piled in, riding back in silence because we were all tired from the events of the day. I suggested we just order room service to my room and play some video games or something and everyone agreed. We headed up to my room, bring Chris with us. He was quiet the whole way, until I was opening the door and ushering everyone inside when he came up and wrapped me in a bear hug. "Thank you so much sis. This is the most amazing day of my life." 

I laughed and pushed him in the room with everybody else. As soon as I was in the door, I kicked my heels off, into the bathroom, and took my helmet off again, tossing it on the bed. Then I collapsed in a heap, laying on the end of the bed, facing everyone. Everyone else got comfy and we started looking over the room service menu. Before long we had an order ready and called it downstairs. Then we decided to play some Truth or dare, since the only console I had with me was an Xbox One, and only three controllers. We played long into the night, until everyone decided to head back to their rooms for the night. Once again, Mark stayed until the end and he lingered long enough to give me a kiss good night. This time I kissed him back. 


	9. PAX East Day Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More conference fun and Mark's panel...

The second morning of PAX East started similarly to the first, with everyone showing up at my door for breakfast around nine thirty. Today, however, I was not caught off guard and was totally prepared for the influx of visitors. In fact, I had ordered a bunch of food from room service, which arrived just as the last of the group did. I arranged all the plates and we all ate, buffet style, grabbing whatever looked good and leaving our dirty dishes stacked on the trolley to go back when we were done. Afterward we all headed to the elevator to go over to the convention center. I had ordered another smoothie to go, so I was sipping that when we got down to the lobby. We managed to get out to the waiting cars without being seen and into PAX East without any fuss or drama. We were in the same green room as yesterday, so we knew where everything was. Today Felix had a signing event in the morning and Mark's panel was tonight, but we would all be here for the majority of the day, completely free. I grinned and grabbed my bag, pulling out more costumes, different from the ones I had brought the previous day, which were still here, packed up in one of the boxes I was having shipped home. If anyone needed one of them, I could still get at them, but I would also have the chance to show of some of my other creations. Today, for myself, I had a complex Princess Peach outfit, complete with long gloves and small crown. I offered the guys a choice of superhero costume hoodies with masks and capes, an Elvish warrior outfit (I had made it for my brother when he was younger, but I knew it would fit Jack, Mark, or Felix), or a Yoshi costume made of a hoodie, tail, and full mask. Signe grabbed a superhero outfit in purple with a silver mask, changing behind the screened area. I had brought a whole box of costumes from my mother's house when I came for the conference and I had remembered to bring it with me this morning, so everyone had options. Molly and Marzia both opted for mask and hoodie combos as well. Jack grabbed the Yoshi outfit and Felix grabbed a bright blue hoodie with a red and gold mask. Mark looked bashful as he grabbed the Elf costume, but he looked really good when he came out in it. I grinned at our group. Even Bob and Wade grabbed hoodies, bright green and black, respectively, adding the gold and red masks I handed them. No one would recognize us as the YouTubers we really were now. We walked out in anonymity, looking at whatever caught our attention. We even slipped in to see some other panels, but were back in plenty of time for our own events. Since Felix had invited Mark on as a last minute guest to his panel, Mark extended him the same courtesy, asking him before Felix even left for his signing. Felix agreed with a grin. "If [Y/y/n] is going to be there, it's pretty much guaranteed to be interesting. The crowds really react to her presence in amazing ways. I can't wait to see what happens next. It's almost like a really interesting story someone is writing, full of drama and twisty turns."

I blushed. "Thanks for making my life seem cheesy Felix. Who would read that crap?" **_{A/N -- sorry couldn't resist. My self-deprecating humor got the better of me. *Blushes and runs away to hide* }_**

We all chuckled a little as we headed back to the green room, not seeing anything we wanted to do for a little while. We all sat down to play a game or two on the laptops we had made the volunteers drag in for us. After about twenty minutes of debate, we couldn't agree on a game, so I just launched Rocket League while everyone else decided. Signe, who was sitting next to me, grinned and came over to watch, cheering me on. The guys continued to debate until I made a spectacular save. I didn't realize Molly, Wade, and Bob had joined Signe until they all cheered. I looked up, startled out of my gamer zone. Jack grinned at me. "Forgot where ye were, didn't ye? I can always tell from yer face."

I blushed and nodded. Felix and Mark walked over, curious to see what had drawn everyone's attention in so much. Jack winked at me, raising an eyebrow. "Rocket League." He grinned.

I went back to playing, going into super try hard mode, since I had an audience. I won, but not by as big a margin as I had hoped and I was sweating slightly when the season ended. Wade and Bob clapped my on the shoulder. Felix grinned at me. "You can certainly play that game. What was that face you were making by the way? I looked like you were in pain."

I blushed. "Yet another reason to play with a helmet on. That's my try hard face or gaming face." Everyone chuckled. "Now did you all decide what game you wanted to play? I'm up for something different now. I need a break from Rocket League anyway."

Bob looked at me thoughtfully. "You should record a few sessions of this for your channel. You're good and the way you play is different than a lot of people. It's really fun to watch. You're not usually showy, but a really steady player so can make some amazing plays when you need to. You should explain your strategy and give some game hints, so people can see why what you do works."

I grinned crookedly. "I'm not that good. Honestly, I just play a lot in my dubious spare time."

Jack laughed. "Yeah, like when ye steal my woman or when ye should be sleeping." Signe and I rolled our eyes at him.

Signe even scoffed a little. "Your woman, huh? Nice. I bet she'll feel so bad about 'stealing' me, she'll go right out and bake you some cupcakes."

I laughed, a little evilly. "Oh, I might. But if I do, Signe, you won't want to eat any. The last time I did that I replaced the filling in them with hot sauce. Epic prank. My friend wasn't expecting it and claims she nearly died. It wasn't that hot though, I ate one along with her. She was just being a total wuss."

Signe laughed so hard she nearly fell on the floor. "Oh, my god! I can just see what would happen to Jack or Mark!"

The rest of the group chuckled too, having seen Jack's and Mark's videos where peppers were involved. What I failed to mention was I was somewhat of a chili head and loved spicy peppers. The hotter the better. I had a feeling not telling the others was going to come in handy later though, because I suspected I was going to be asked to do a challenge video with someone and wanted to keep that knowledge in reserve. I also didn't mention some of the other pranks I had pulled, including replacing the filling of a few Oreos in a package with toothpaste. Since they were mint flavored Oreo's, I had used green toothpaste and the smell of mint was already strong from the cookies, so the people who got them didn't even know until them bit into them. They had been bullying my friends however and put ex-lax in one of their coffees while my friend wasn't looking. I had seen it and warned my friend, but she didn't believe me until later, when it was too late. I was the appointed avenging angel. Or revenge devil. Whatever. 

Jack and Mark were eying me a little nervously now. I smiled my most innocent smile, the one my old friends all knew meant serious trouble. Jack looked reassured, but for some reason, Mark didn't. I shrugged and repeated "So, anyway, have we decided on a game?"

Bob shrugged. "Whatever you guys want to play is fine with me. It just needs to have enough flexibility to let all of us play at once."

Wade nodded. "Yeah. That leaves out a lot."

Mark was still watching me. "I vote we let [y/n] decide, so she doesn't spike all our food with hot sauce when we aren't looking just to watch us burn."

I looked thoughtful, and playfully answered "Hmm. That's sweet Mark, but I don't know. It's still awfully tempting." I put a finger on my chin, as though I were still thinking about it and then shook my head. "Nah. You're safe for now. Besides, I save my tortures for those who deserve them. My friend who I pranked had just forced me into a situation I was really uncomfortable in and kept pushing until I had a panic attack, then laughed at me for being weak in front of a room full of people. She though she was just teasing, but it really caused me some issues for a while. Now as for the game, how about something online, like Town of Salem? We can have enough people to be our own town if we want, or we can open it up and let other players in. We could also play a board game or cards. I have at least four decks of regular playing cards in my bag, so we could do Canasta, Pinochle, Gin, Poker, or whatever."

Jack grinned at me and shook his head. "I was kidding about ye being a former girl scout yesterday, but ye really do always bring everything, just in case, don't ye?" I grinned. He looked devilish for a minute. "I bet ye even have things in there in case ye get lucky, don't ye?" I blushed super scarlet and actually felt like my head was going to catch on fire. I heard most everyone laugh, except Mark, who was looking away.

I leaned over and whispered to Jack, loud enough so everyone else heard too, "Mayyybe. But I also have hot sauce..."

Signe laughed so hard this time she did fall on the floor. Everyone else was laughing too, even Jack, although I noticed he backed off. Finally, we all settled down and agreed to play some online Town of Salem. We played for a while, until Felix had to leave for his signing, then Molly, Marzia, and Signe left to go see a panel. The guys and I were starting to get hungry, but we couldn't find any of the convention volunteers around, so Bob and Wade offered to go get food. I told them what I wanted and put some headphones on, listening to music and zoning out. Jack got a text from Signe and went off to go find her, leaving Mark here with me. It was the first time we had been alone together since we got here, except for the few brief moments when he kissed me. I looked over at him shortly after Jack left and stopped my music. He glanced up at me and smiled. I smiled back and pulled the headphones off, coming over to sit next to him. For some reason, I was suddenly nervous, and I had major butterflies in my stomach. He looked startled for a second as I got closer, then smiled brighter. "How are you doing today, [y/n]? You seem a lot less freaked out today and much calmer. Have you been on social media today?" I shook my head, pulling out my phone. I logged onto Twitter and saw I was still the top three hashtags, and shook my head. I checked out YouTube, just to see what my comments looked like on the newest video and nearly dropped my phone.

"M-Mark, can y-you l-look at this, please?" I stuttered slightly as I tried to keep calm. Surely I was misreading the numbers. If not my channel had grown by three quarters of a million followers since the night before. Mark looked and the color drained from his face. He looked up at me and suddenly I realized I hadn't misread anything. I passed out.

When I came to, Mark was holding me upright, trying to fan me awake. My eyelids fluttered slightly as I fought to regain use of my lungs and brain. I was hyperventilating and going to pass out again, I was sure. Suddenly, Mark pulled me in close and kissed me, hard. My mind was suddenly on fire and I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around him for a hug. He had found a way to snap me out of a panic that I had never thought of, even if it did make my head go completely empty for a while and leave me feeling dazed. When he ended the kiss, he rested his forehead on my shoulder, hugging me tight. My breathing was steady. Maybe a little heavy, but steady. I no longer felt like I was going to pass out. He was firmly anchoring me in the present. I leaned forward and kissed him again, gently this time, lingering long. We sprang apart when we heard the door open behind us, and I walked back over to my computer. Mark watched me go, without saying a word. He looked a little startled. When I looked up, I saw it was Jack, who was standing in the doorway, looking at us suspiciously. I knew the most he could have seen was me walking across the room, but I somehow doubted he saw even that. Maybe we had guilty looks on our faces? I glanced over at Mark, noticing his lips looked ever so slightly swollen and mentally cursed. Maybe Jack wouldn't notice?

"And jus' what were tha two of ye up ta? As if I need ta ask." I looked up at Jack, meeting his gaze steadily, and raised an eyebrow. How was this any of his business? Sure he introduced us, but we were both adults and could make our own decisions and choices. He saw my look and raised an eyebrow of his own. "Do ye want me ta leave again, so ye can go back ta whatever ye were doing?"

Suddenly, I grinned at him. "Yes, please Jack. I want to have another panic moment that Mark has to help bring me out of again. It's sooooooo wonderful." I looked at Mark, asking him to play along with a look in my eye. He must have caught on because he winked at me.

Jack suddenly looked a little unsure of himself. Mark made him even more off balance by adding, "Yeah, we can go back to YouTube and see if she has gained the other quarter of a million followers she needs to have a million subscribers since last night. She can pass out again. It was fun." I whimpered slightly at the reminder of why I had freaked out, but thought of Mark's kiss and that was all I needed to keep steady. Jack looked guilty, and walked over to sit next to me, putting an arm around my shoulders.

"Did ye really have a panic attack again?" I nodded. It was the truth, just not all of it. "Crap. I thought he made a move on ye." Well, yeah, but I made one on him too, so we were fine. "I was going ta have a talk with him about being gentle with ye." I blushed.

"Jack. You are my friend, and I appreciate your concern, but please, and I say this with all the love I can, butt out of this." I was whispering to him, hoping Mark didn't hear me. "I still have that hot sauce." I tried to crack a smile at this last part, but didn't quite manage it. I wanted Mark's arm around me comforting me, not Jack's. I wanted to rest my head on Mark's shoulder and just lean on him, letting him help me deal with all my anxiety and stress. And I really wanted Mark to kiss me again. I sighed and looked up at Mark. He looked a little sad too. Suddenly a thought flashed across my brain, exploding into my awareness like a firework. Was I developing deeper feelings about Mark than just friendship, and if so, was it going to be a problem?

Jack got up. "Well, if ye're okay, Signe actually needed me ta get something for her. I go take it back for her and meet back up with ye later." I nodded at him. He walked over and grabbed Signe's purse, taking the whole bag with him, rather than trying to find whatever it was she needed. As soon as Jack was out the door again, I looked up and saw Mark coming over to me. I reached up for a hug as soon as he was close enough. He sat down, nearly in my lap, and we just held on to each other for several seconds before our lips sought each other's out. After several minutes of kissing we stopped and I just leaned into Mark's shoulder, exactly like I had wished only moments earlier. His broad shoulder was comforting. I stayed there, just breathing and clinging to him for quite some time. Eventually, Jack came back, as did Bob and Wade with the food. I was still leaning on Mark when they all came back, but none of them commented this time. I apparently still looked pale and shaky, from a comment from Wade made when he handed me my food. Jack kept giving me worried looks as well. I wasn't feeling particularly chatty, but I wasn't panicked either right now. Finally, Jack came over and put his hand on my shoulder, getting my attention. "[Y/n], ye're being awfully quiet, even for ye. Are ye up ta doing this panel tonight? We can tell tha event coordinators yer sick if ye want."

I swallowed and sat up. Mark made a small noise of protest, but didn't try to stop me. "I'm sorry to have you all so worried. I'm just overwhelmed. Mark was here a little while ago when I had another panic attack start, and he helped me diffuse it, but I'm just trying to deal with this. I can't believe in less than twenty four hours, my subscription count has gone up as much as it has." I swallowed again, my mouth suddenly feeling bone dry. "Ha-" My voice creaked, dying out and I tried again. "Have any of you ever heard of this happening to anyone? Ever? I mean, I can't be the first one, can I?" I started to shake and was crying without realizing it. Mark pulled me back in close to lean on him. Jack hugged me and rested a hand on my shoulder. Bob and Wade both watched looking a little lost, and clearly wanting to help, but not knowing what to do.

Mark was rubbing my back with one hand and making soft, calming shushing noises. Between those sensations and forcing myself to match his breathing, I calmed back down, my tears slowing to just the occasional one trailing down my cheeks. Mark watched and handed me a tissue. I looked at it blankly, still not realizing I had been crying until he started wiping the tears off my cheeks. I blushed at the tenderness of the gesture and the embarrassment of needing to be told I was crying. I took a new tissue and wiped my eyes, drying the last of the tears. Then I shifted so I was just leaning against Mark's shoulder again, instead of being buried in his chest, and turned to face Jack. Before I could say anything, Mark cut in. "I don't honestly know how anyone who is even remotely as shy as you are is still breathing at all, with all the craziness that has been thrown your way lately. If you need to back out, it really won't be a big deal. But if you want to still do this, we will try to make sure it doesn't overwhelm you either. I'm going to leave it completely up to you. You don't even have to decide until it's time to go on the stage if you don't want to. We just want you to be okay and happy."

Jack looked at me and nodded. "Exactly. Now, I told Signe ye were having a little trouble and she is coming as soon as tha panel she's watching let's out. Can ye please try ta eat yer lunch, or if that's too much, at least drink some water?" The concern on his face was obvious and I hated to cause this much distress for anyone. I nodded and reached for the bottle of water I had set down next to my untouched food. The guys all went back to eating, watching me closely for signs I was going to break down again, but I mentally steeled myself. Enough being a whiny baby. If I couldn't handle this, my friends at least didn't need to see my mental breakdown. Any other problems I would push aside until I could be alone and work through by myself. I was good at putting feelings aside to deal with later, so I was resolute and sure I would be able to manage the rest of the day relatively well, as long as nothing else caused my panic to swamp my brain. I would just avoid triggers. Yeah, avoid and bottle up emotions. I was coping well, right? 

I started to sit up again, but Mark tightened his arm around me, keeping me pinned in place. I glanced up at him. He looked down at me shook his head. "Stay here. You're a lot calmer when you can follow someone else's breathing. And I kind of like having you close." He winked, a little flirtation coming into his eyes. I smiled slightly and nodded, reaching forward and grabbing my food and phone. I started eating and opened my personal email address, ignoring all my YouTube related links for the moment. I had an email from Chris, thanking me profusely for the previous day and asking if he could possibly meet up with me again today. I smiled as I sent him a text message, asking him to look for Signe in the costume I had made outside the panel she was in as soon as it let out. I then texted Signe, telling her my brother would be looking for her and asking her to bring him back with her. She texted back with a smiley emoji the words *Great idea!*, which boosted my spirits. I knew everyone has seemed to like my brother and having him here would help me stay focused on what was going on around me instead of letting my brain circle into dark spirals. After I checked a few other emails, I closed my email and decided to risk looking at YouTube. I still hadn't checked to make sure my videos were uploading correctly since I had arrived at the convention, other than the vlogs which I was still posting everyday. I made sure my phone was positioned so Mark, who was watching me over my shoulder, couldn't see where I went online. I glanced at my uploads and breathed a silent sigh of relief. Everything was working normally. Then I saw the number and I swore, dropping my phone from numb fingers. I cringed, and reached to pick it up, but Mark was faster. I glanced at the screen and then at me. "Why did you do it? You had just calmed down. Why the hell would you go back to YouTube to check that number again?"

I blushed so hard my vision started to grey out. Everyone looked over at me. "I was actually just checking to make sure my uploads were working correctly. I didn't mean to look at the number." My voice sounded tiny and scared. Mark stopped glowering at me, realization dawning on his face that yelling and raging was definitely not helping. He looked at my subscriber count and then at me.

Mark shut my phone off and pocketed it. "You can have this back when you get back to your room tonight, unless you get an urgent text before then. It's not going to help you stay calm to see the internet exploding around your channel." He shook his head sounding rueful. "Some people would kill for your success you know. Not any of us, but some people. Keep it up and by the end of the summer your channel will be bigger than mine and Jack's, maybe even combined." I blushed again. Jack heard and came over, looking at Mark.

"Just how big is it now?"

Mark chewed his lip a little, looking at me. I waved a hand, it was too late, I had already seen the number. "She just passed four million, five hundred fifty thousand subscribers. That's over one point one million subscribers since last night." I squeezed my eyes shut and turned my head into Mark's shoulder. Hearing it out loud was actually worse than seeing it. I focused all my brain power on breathing and not panicking, and it seemed to work. I missed Bob commenting and Wade's whistle of amazement because of it however. Jack sat down next to me again. I looked over at him. He was watching me closely for any signs of a panic attack, but at this point I was honestly back to being completely numb. I leaned away from Mark to hug Jack, but quickly leaned back into Mark when I was done. Jack looked a little reassured, but I could tell he was going to be watching me closely for the rest of the day. I had noticed however that if I had one panic attack, I didn't have a second one in the same day, at least so far. I usually felt awful afterwards, but I didn't usually have another attack. And if I was able to stop myself before it became a full blown attack, I was okay for the rest of the day, so barring any major meltdowns, I thought I might actually be alright for the rest of the day. 

A few minutes later, my brother, Signe, Molly, and Marzia came in at a fast walk, just under a run. All four almost skidded to a halt when they saw me leaned on Mark but looking like I was alright. My brother eyed me, looking a little suspicious and raised an eyebrow at me. When I started to get up, Mark pulled me back down again. "Stay put. They can come to you. You just got calmed down again." I rolled my eyes, but didn't get up, and Mark wrapped his arm around my shoulders again. "Thank you. It's scary to watch you struggling to breathe and it's happened so many times in the past week, I don't want to even think about it happening again." I blushed and looked down at my feet. He was right, I was a mess. Jack went over and said something to Signe, which immediately made the entire group gasp and wince before heading over to where I was sitting. Signe pilled me away from Mark to hug me. Mark sighed and let me go.

Signe leaned in close to my ear and whispered "You know there are easier ways to get a man's attention. I think Mark might appreciate it if you try one of them next time." I blushed hotly again as she giggled. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow, cocking her head to one side. I shook my head. That's really not what all this was about. I may have realized I was developing a crush on Mark, but that's not why I was sticking by his side. Was it? Suddenly I felt confused and a little ashamed of my actions, which must have shown on my face because Signe pulled me in for another hug and whispered "Hey, I was just teasing! I know you can't help it. This is enough to freak anyone out, let alone someone as shy as you. We'll get you through it. I think Mark likes being able to take care of you though, maybe even more than he is willing to admit." I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. Really? I was almost sure he liked me, but I couldn't imagine he felt the same way I did. He was my secret celebrity crush, which I would never, never, never admit to ANYONE.

Suddenly, my phone rang in Mark's pocket, which made him jump and swear, especially since I had the vibrate turned all the way up. It was somewhat comical. When he fished it out and handed it to me, I looked at the call screen and saw it was Carmen. I answered, my voice sounding dull and dead, which I was unaware of, but everyone around me noticed immediately, making them wince, and Carmen heard as well. "Hey, Carmen. How's it going?"

"[Y/N]? Are you okay? You sound terrible. Wait, did you have another panic attack recently? Oh god, are you with people who can help you calm down?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, but yes, I have been having a lot of anxiety issues all week. And no, I'm not alone. What's going on?"

"Listen, Alex, George, and I wanted to apologize for the other day. Jeanna is still being a bitch about it. Can we come talk to you someplace later? We still want to be your friends, and we miss you. I know you probably can't move around the convention freely, but maybe we could meetup later? Unless you're feeling to sick from your anxiety attack..." I smiled. the first genuine smile had felt cross my lips for quite a while. Signe and Jack saw it and they visibly relaxed. 

"Yeah, I'd love to see you guys. You all were the main reason I was going to come to Boston in the first place, before I ever even planned on coming to PAX East as anything but an attendee. Hang on, where are you now?" I thought for a minute as I listened to her answer, chewing my lip. "Hey Jack, can you have the volunteer at the door go let my friends in if I tell them how to get to the room? They want to come talk to me for a while." Jack grinned and nodded, relieved to have more people who could help me and knew me well. I explained to Carmen how to find the room we were in and to tell the volunteer you were here with permission. I also told them they would have to give their full names, since security was tight for our group.

A minute later, Jack went to the door and was talking to the volunteer, actually, arguing is a better word. We could just hear what was going on. My friends actually got there before Jack had stepped back in the room, so he just ignored the volunteer and ushered my friends in, winking at the security guard who was watching the whole exchange. Jack told us all about it as soon as he closed the door again. Carmen's eyes were huge and she squeaked excitedly as Jack took her arm and pointed to where I was half hidden by my brother, Signe, and Mark. Alex and George were equally wide eyed, but tried to play it cool. They all came over to talk to me, but when they saw me leaning on Markiplier and talking to Wiishu, they all looked like they were going to die on the spot. I laughed at their expressions. This was more what I had expected when I saw them the first day I was here! I stood up, fighting off Mark's arm and protest as I went, and stepped over to hug them. "Hey guys, it's great to see you. Sorry about the security issues. Believe it or not, we have actually had people trying to mob us every time we step outside, unless we go in costume, or in my case out of costume." I glanced down and noticed I was still in my Princess Peach dress, and giggled at myself. "Well, not my YouTuber costume anyway. But it is a convention, so costumes and cosplays are more the normal here than anywhere else and when else do I get to show off my weird talent?"

Alex looked at me and laughed. "Still the same old [y/n], huh? Well, it's good to see you are relaxed enough around these famous people not to be freaked out."

I laughed. "Alex, Signe and Jack are my next door neighbors and Signe is one of my best friends! Mark and I Skype pretty often too, and I'm hoping I can get Wade, Bob and Felix to start chatting with me regularly now as well. Marzia and Molly too." I smiled at all of them. "They understand this part of my life better than anyone else right now, and have been helping me through daily panic attacks." Suddenly, my smile disappeared. "They are all really great, and I couldn't handle any of this if it weren't for them."

Mark looked at me. "Hey! It's mostly our fault this is happening to you. Well, Felix, Jack, and I anyway. Jack and I made you start a channel and all three of us promoted you as soon as you started."

I looked at him. "Well, yeah, but you didn't know this would happen. I swear, if I had just showed my face in the beginning, none of this would have happened. I might have just been a flash in the pan, but I doubt I would be the viral wonder I am now. I wouldn't be able to have a private life though, so I can't regret that part. And I do like making videos and seeing people's reactions. My community is still pretty nice, and I try to make sure they stay positive too, which Jack helps with a lot." I turned back to my old friends. "Now, come meet my YouTube friends and Signe properly. You jerks were too busy freaking out about my secret identity to actually notice them when I came to see you the other day." I dragged Carmen over to Mark and Signe, nudging my brother aside. "Carmen, this is Mark Fischbach, aka Markiplier. Mark this is my friend since second grade, Carmen Rico. She's the hot sauce in the cupcake victim."

Carmen blushed at the mention of that incident. "Did you really have to tell him that story?"

I laughed. "Actually, I told everyone that story earlier today, because I was explaining why Signe shouldn't eat anything I make as a retaliation or after someone is particularly awful to me. To be fair, I didn't tell them exactly what you did first, though, so they don't know all the details, just that you made me have a panic attack and laughed. I was actually trying to warn them to behave or I will enact swift and painful vengeance. I think it worked, because they all seem slight scared now, even after I cried in front of them." 

Carmen grimaced. "After your panic attack right? You always have been a little more emotional after one of them unless you just go completely numb, which is actually scarier." She looked at me. "You look okay though. What got you so bad today? Did someone grab at you in the crowd outside?"

I shook my head and sighed. "I freaked out about how fast my channel is growing." I looked down for a minute before looking back up at my friends. "I got over a million subscribers in less than a day. It scared the shit out of me. That and have you seen the top trending topics on Twitter today? I'm once again at the top." I shifted a little uncomfortably. "Actually, I was the top three the last time I checked with two other topics about me in the top ten. It was too much. I have no idea how to deal with any of this or why I am so popular all of a sudden." I looked down again and felt someone's arms wrap around me. I knew from the way they felt and the way my heart picked up speed it was Mark. He dragged me back over to the bench we had been sitting on and made me sit down next to him again. Carmen's jaw dropped, but whether it was from my comments and the facts behind them, or from Mark's protective behavior I wasn't sure. Signe wrapped me in a hug again. I smiled a little at her, but it was shaky. "Can we PLEASE talk about something else? Anything?"

Alex winked at me. "How about if I ask for an autograph from all my favorite YouTube celebrities. I can't believe you know all these people. Actually," she looked down, blushing, and fidgeted slightly, "um, you are one of them as well. From before I knew it was you." That made me laugh and lifted my spirits a lot. 

"Thanks Alex. Okay, Alex, I know you watch Mark and Jack, but do you know Wade and Bob?" I looked at her, and she nodded, still blushing. "Great, what about Molly? Signe? Marzia?" She shook her head. "Okay, Molly is Wade's girlfriend. Marzia is Felix's girlfriend, and he'll be back shortly. He had a signing to go to, but it should be just about over. Signe is my bestie now and Jack's girlfriend. Everybody, this is Alex Donaldson. She went to high school with me and was in all my classes. Actually, she went to college with me as well, but she studied management instead of computers." She stuck her tongue out at me and everyone except Mark and Signe went over to greet her. "But I forgave her. Her moving to Seattle was the real reason I ended up moving to Athlone."

I looked at George, who had been pretty quiet since he got here. "You okay George?"

He looked over at me. "I'm an asshole. The other day when you came to tell us about all this, I made fun of you. It never even occurred to me how hard all of this must be for you until I saw how much you are clearly struggling and heard you talk about having panic attacks everyday. Jeanna's still pissed you didn't tell us sooner and have been avoiding us since, but I started to wonder last night when I saw how many events you're actually scheduled for when you would have time. Then I heard you were at an extra event yesterday and just saw the security you have to have. Suddenly, I realized this might not actually be any fun for you."

I gave him a sad smile. "Well, if I were alone, it would suck. I have some pretty awesome new friends though, but I do miss my old ones. That's why I wanted to tell you guys in the first place. Jeanna is going to miss out, especially if she's pissy. That's all. If she gets too bad, I guess she just won't be my friend anymore, which would be sad, but I can't handle anymore stress than I've got right now. But let's not focus on the negative, come meet everyone. Everyone, this is George Wilcox. He has been my friend forever, it seems like, and he used to be my next door neighbor before he moved to LA." 

Mark looked over at him. "LA? What do you do?"

He smiled, a little shy all of the sudden. "Um, well, I am an architect, sir."

I laughed. "Actually, he's a structural engineer." I heard Mark's groan and grinned, leaning into him and whispering, "Jealous?"

Mark blushed at my sudden closeness and got completely flustered. Jack, Wade, Bob, and Signe noticed immediately, and were all fighting back laughter. Alex, Carmen, and George looked slightly confused. Finally, Alex asked "What did you say to him?"

I chuckled, still leaned in close and felt him shiver slightly. "I asked if he was jealous. He's always saying he could have been an engineer." I looked over at Mark and something suddenly occurred to me. A huge grin split my face and my eyes danced, but I didn't say anything.

Alex recognized my suddenly gleeful look. "What? You look like you just had a major epiphany and it amused you. Are you going to share with the rest of us?"

"Nope. I'm not going to share right now." I had realized I was an engineer too, having graduated college from the school of engineering with a degree in information technology.

Suddenly, Felix burst through the door, looking harassed. He groaned when he saw more people in here, but quickly put on a cheerful face. I smiled over at him. "Rough signing?" He nodded, then did a double take.

"Why is Mark holding you? And why is he blushing?"

I laughed. "He is being protective mostly, but he was helping me get over another panic attack. He's blushing because I embarrassed him. One of my friends here, George Wilcox, is an engineer and I asked Mark if he was jealous."

Felix grinned, clearly guessing there was more to it than just that but letting it go. "And what did he say?"

"He hasn't answered me yet. Felix, the other two people here are my friends Alex Donaldson, who is one of the main reasons I ended up moving to Ireland, and that's Carmen Rico, my other friend who I've know since we were both kids." I pointed them out to him. "Ladies, that Felix, or PewDiePie."

They giggled. "We KNOW that. We watch him." Alex informed me of this a little tartly.

I rolled my eyes. "Excuse me for not assuming you knew everyone. Jeez. Oh, Felix, my brother is here too. They all wanted to hang out and since I was having panic issues, it seemed like a good idea, but if you need some down time, just say the word. I'll have them leave and try to meet up with them later. You look kind of stressed."

He gave me a genuine smile. "No, I'll be okay. I was just afraid we had somehow been invaded by more fans, but if they know you, it will probably be okay. Besides, your brother was a lot of fun to hang out with last night." My friends eyed my brother jealously as Chris practically glowed from the praise.

I giggled. "Of course they are fun and interesting. Why else would I hang out with any of them?"

Jack grinned. "Does that mean you think we're fun and interesting too?"

I put my finger on my chin. "Hmm. Maybe, but there may be a large element of pity involved as well, especially with you and Mark. I mean, you are so needy and all..."

Signe started laughing, and almost everyone joined in. I heard Mark mutter something under his breath that sounded an awfully lot like a rather indignant "I am not needy!" but I wasn't totally sure. I turned around to look at him and winked. He shook his head at me, pouting, so I leaned in and whispered in a low, quiet voice, almost right in his ear "Are you being a pouty baby now too?" He shivered again at my closeness and growled a little as I smirked. I turned back to face the rest of the group when suddenly he leaned over and made a move like he was going to whisper in my ear, but instead kissed my neck. I blushed and laughed. Most of the group was laughing to hard to notice, but I saw Jack, Signe, and Chris all notice. And from the way their expressions changed to thoughtful, I suspected I was going to hear about it later.

I shifted in my seat slightly, breaking contact with Mark. Alex came over and sat down next to me, since Signe had gotten up to go meet George and the seat was now empty. I gave her a big hug when she sat down and she hugged me back. "I've missed you so much, you little sprite! And with the time difference it seems like you're never online when I am. You have to come visit me as soon as you can. You'll love Ireland. It's so gorgeous, all green and lush. It's warm and rainy too, but not hot, like it gets in DC in the summer. I really love it."

Alex laughed. "I'd love to come visit you. Seattle is nice, but I miss hanging out with you all the time, you giant nerd! And asking you to come visit me is clearly out of the question. I mean I don't know how you ever sleep as it is now. You work more than should be humanly possible."

Jack heard her and started laughing even louder. I looked at him and winked. "As Jack says, 'Sleep is for the weak!' and I am usually strong. Signe, Jack,and Mark are always checking up on me to make sure I do occasionally sleep however."

Signe nodded. "Yeah, we make her sleep and she feeds us because we forget to eat or buy food. And we help her with her panic issues and she drives us places and let's us borrow her car. It works out pretty well."

Everyone decided we should play a game shortly after that and I got out my cards, so we played some poker, snacked, and chatted, just having a really good time. The afternoon flew by and before I knew it, it was time for us to head out for the panel. I grabbed my typical YouTuber outfit and changed at warp speed before talking to security to get Chris, Alex, Carmen, and George front row seats, next to Marzia, Signe, and Molly. They would be escorted in and back as well. We waved goodbye to them and followed the separate security detail who came to lead us to the stage area. I was feeling pretty good, calm and collected as we left. I made sure I had my bag with me backstage, just in case we needed something today, like a card game, but I hoped we wouldn't. As we walked, security kept the crowds back, but because so many people were trying to see us, we were being forced into a tight bunch. I ended up at the back of the group, with Jack and Mark right n front of me, Wade and Bob were at the front and Felix was in the middle. Mark surreptitiously reached back and held my hand for most of the walk, making sure no one could see. I was secretly thrilled and smiled like an idiot, squeezing his hand tight a few times, just because I could. I was never so glad for the mask as I was now. When we got backstage, we were all handed microphone headsets to put on, so I slipped away to a quiet corner and quickly put it on and put my helmet back over it, turning it on right away. Now I could hear the guys clearly, even though I was on the other side of the prep room. They were chatting about me, commenting they were all surprised how well I was handling things now, after my earlier freak out. I turned the mic back off, not wanting to intrude on the discussion and stepped back out from behind the screen. Then I walked over and sat down on the armchair to wait for our final instructions for where to go and what order we were to go out in. After I sat down, I made a big show of turning my mic on so the guys wouldn't know I overheard them talking. A minute later a very professional looking woman stepped into the room with a clipboard and began giving us our directions and handed Mark the usual fire safety instructions. Then we were ushered out to the stage as the lights in the main house went down. Someone announced Mark, and he walked out, to defining applause. As soon as he was on stage he called for quiet and brought the rest of us out as fast as possible. I hadn't realized how huge the auditorium was until I got on stage and nearly froze like a deer in headlights. I forced myself to walk calmly to where I was going to sit, beside Mark and Jack. Felix was sitting on Jack's other side, with Bob and Wade in armchairs on the end, facing us and the audience. A copy of FUNemployed was on the table. As soon as I sat down, Mark read the fire announcements and told the audience they had to be quiet so we could entertain them. After the announcements were done and audience had settled down, we started playing, with Mark drawing the first employment card. 

We played for about an hour, with lots of jokes about the ships of Septiplier, Mark and I, and quite a few of Jack and I being cat called from the audience. I drew a line at the last. "Hey, I know how much fun it is to imagine your favorite people together, but come on! Jack's girlfriend is one of my best friends on the planet. Never gonna happen." Suddenly I heard several people call out loudly a whole new ship, one between Signe and I, I face palmed my helmet and shook my head, slouching down. Mark and Jack grinned at each other over my head. 

Jack called out "Hey! Stop taking tha women out of my life!"

I chuckled a low laugh. "Yeah, he does that on his own." The audience cracked up, whistling and hooting as Jack blushed.

"I thought you were my friend, [Y/Y/N]. Why?" Jack winked at me as he said this, and I knew he was playing to the audience.

I snorted. The audience again laughed and cheered, as did my YouTuber friends. "Sorry, bad sinuses." I coughed a very fake cough. "Anyway, I am your friend. Imagine what I might tell them if I wasn't." I let that statement hang for a few beats and then added "Because, you know, I do actually know you pretty well, and I live next door to you. I could reveal all kinds of things."

Felix grinned, wanting in on this. "Yeah, she could. Ooh, maybe she should..." He turned to the crowd. "Does anyone want to hear a secret about Jack that he hasn't shared?"

Jack glared and crossed his arms as the audience roared a 'YES!' I chuckled and pretended to think it over.

"Oh, I know. Here's one. Are you all ready?" I glanced at Jack, grinning inside my helmet. I wasn't going to embarrass him, but this was fun. "Before I left for vacation, his girlfriend came over to borrow my car to go shopping. While she was gone, Jack came over to visit me. And you know what? He had forgotten to eat all day so his stomach growled so loudly my camera on the other side of the room picked it up. I had to edit it out of a video. How's that?"

The audience laughed and Felix rolled his eyes. Jack looked at me and smirked. "Well, two can play that game. How about tha time ye came over ta visit wearing a tee shirt with my channel logo and Markiplier pants?"

I laughed. "Really? You thought that would embarrass me? I'm a giant geek, Jack. All my fans already know that. Besides, you helped me launch my channel, and gave me a shout out so it's hardly surprising I am a fan. Maybe if you told them you had seen me in something more interesting it would be shocking, but pajama pants and a tee shirt? Please." I tilted my head slightly. "Actually, that might be one of the most embarrassing things you know about me, which just means I can hide them better than you."

That got an audience chuckle. Mark raised a hand. "Before we get into a war here, lets answer a few of these Twitter questions we have. Anyone want to read the first one?"

I looked over at it. It was for me. "Sure. It's for me anyway. DorkButt1789 tweeted, '@[Y/Y/N] What do you do for fun?' Hey, Mark, I thought we were going to have fans tweet us." I looked out at the crowd as everyone laughed. "Seriously though, I play video games, make art, cook, work on computers, read, and hang out with friends. I'm pretty busy, but I love what I do, so I try to have fun no matter what if I can. Thanks for asking! Next question."

Jack grinned and read the next question. It was for him about what his favorite game was. He answered listing several before handing it off to Wade for the next question.

Wade grinned at this one. Someone had tweeted in asking if he was jealous of me and how fast my channel was growing. He looked up after he read it, answering with this statement. "Maybe if you had asked me a week ago, I would have said yes. After meeting her and seeing how much work she does, getting to know her and her personality, and seeing her struggle with anxiety because she's so shy, I have to say no. She deserves her success and I hope we can keep working together, maybe doing some collaborative videos in the near future. She's pretty awesome and one of the few people I know who can run circles around most of us up here with out batting an eye or breaking a sweat, but she also cares a very great deal about a lot of different things. Just yesterday she waxed eloquent about how important both the artist's and the programmers are to games, showing a real passion and in depth knowledge. Oh, and she makes really cool masks and costumes. She has been showing us some pictures of some of them." I gave him a thumbs up and he called for the next tweet to be brought up. Jack laughed when he saw it.

"Hey, Mark, it's yer turn now!" I read the tweet and knew exactly what he was referring to. Someone had tweeted in asking if Mark had any proposals for anyone on the panel, just like they had asked Jack about one for Mark several years ago. We all tried to stifle laughs as Mark read the Tweet out loud. Jack was clearly expecting Mark to turn to him, but instead, Mark turned to me, much to my astonishment.

"[Y/Y/N]," he started, grabbing my hand and kneeling in front of me, "you are amazing and wonderful. Would you do me the very great honor of..." He paused and I could see the panic in his face as he suddenly realized what he was doing and that this might trigger a panic attack. I was amused however and giggled, which made him relax and finish. "...um, being my girlfriend?" 

The audience went absolutely crazy, so I had to wait to answer him. I looked at the rest of my friends on stage. All four of them looked dumbstruck. When the crowd finally quieted down, I haul Mark to his feet. "Get up from there. I'll have to think about it for a few minutes." I turned to the crowd and stage whispered into the mic "What do you guys think?" I heard a variety of yeses, a few nos, and some fan girls squealing. I looked at the other YouTubers. "Any thoughts?" They were all just staring open mouthed. "Hmm, then I guess I'll have to say..." I paused and I swear you could hear the entire room take a deep breath all at the same time. "...Yes." The crowd lost it's mind and Mark was grinning so big it actually looked a little painful. He hugged me super tight, lifting me off the ground slightly and spinning me in a little circle. "Easy there Mark, I don't want to throw up on you." He laughed and set me down. Suddenly our friends all unfroze and rushed over to us, patting him on the back. Jack winked at me. With that, the panel ended. The lights all went down on stage and came up on the audience, who were still cheering and screaming. I saw my friends all staring open mouthed, except Signe who was smirking. We were ushered off stage and our mics turned off. I stepped away to take my helmet off and retrieve the microphone headset, and Mark followed me. I grinned at him. "Smooth question there Markimoo. Did you know that was going to be in there?" As soon as I had removed the headset and set it down, I put my helmet back on and removed the wireless mic battery pack and transmitter from my back pocket. 

Mark grinned at me. "Nope. And by the way, it was a serious question, not just for the panel. I was going to ask you in private later, but, well once I started I kind of got stuck. I didn't want to freak you out and ask you to marry me or something or make you have another panic attack. That was about the only thing I could think of."

I shook me head. "I knew you were serious. I was too. Or at least, I am agreeing to go on at least one date with you. I like you a lot, even if you are a short doofus sometimes. You're really sweet and funny." I leaned in close and whispered "and a really good kisser." He smiled at me and grabbed my hand, walking with me back to the rest of the group. I handed the mic equipment to the waiting tech and turned to our friends. "Everyone all set?" They nodded as Mark handed his mic in as well, letting my hand go long enough to remove the earpiece and turn everything over. He grabbed my hand again, wrapping his fingers between mine and kissing our now intertwined hands. The other guys chuckled and security came in to lead us back to our secured room. When we stepped in, the rest of the group was already there. As soon as the door shut I took off my helmet again, setting it down along with my bag and kicking my heels off. Mark leaned in and kissed my cheek as I did so.

"Thanks. Now I can reach to kiss you." I grinned at him.

Signe was smiling at the two of us. The next thing she said surprised me. "Thanks for standing up for me out there [y/n]. Jack does all the time, but I think the way you did might actually make a difference. Plus that last part of the panel might. You really brought the house down. In fact, I bet you are breaking the internet again." I paled a little at the thought, but steeled myself. Signe looked a little concerned. "Do you need me to check?" I took a few deep calming breaths and nodded. She pulled out her phone, as did most of the rest of the room. Suddenly it went dead silent and I felt everyone staring at me. Signe swallowed. "Yep. You broke it. YouTube is down. Twitch is down. Tumblr is down. Twitter is down. And google is down. I can bring up other pages, but all the social media is crashed. Hang on." She pulled up the news. I was the top story on CNN.com. They were reporting the panel's end had killed the internet, overloading servers on all the major social media sites and several search engines. I blinked. I had really done it. I had killed the internet. I sat down hard. Mark sat down and pulled me into his lap, hugging me tight and rubbing my back. Everyone else was just staring at the phone, listening to the coverage as CNN calmly announced they had gotten a clip from a convention attendee and they played it. A few seconds later, the CNN site crashed as well, at least on Signe's phone.I buried my face in Mark's chest and focused on breathing. He cuddled me in closer once more.

We sat like that for a little while, everyone else in the room trying to gather their thoughts. I started playing with one of Mark's shirt buttons on his sleeve, just to distract myself. Finally, I gave myself a mental kick in the pants and straightened up. "Guys, let's just get out of here. We can go back to the hotel and get some food and talk about this in comfort there. We can't do anything here." I looked over at Alex, Carmen, George, and Chris. "You're welcome to come to my suite and join us. Alex and Chris have the info, but the cars they send for us are already going to be pretty full. We might be able to squeeze Chris in, but it would be better if you could all just get a ride back and meet us at the hotel." They nodded. "Okay, we'll see you shortly then." I put my shoes and helmet back on as Felix went out to get our security escort. We actually had to be taken out by a separate entrance, completely away from the crowds. We rode back in relative silence, me with Mark, Jack, Signe, and Felix. Bob, Wade, Molly, and Marzia were in the other car. When we got out, back at the hotel, we rushed in, dashing through the lobby as fast as possible, avoiding drawing a crowd by just moving too fast. We got out on our floor and hauled our tired selves back to my suite for the third night in a row. I immediately grabbed some clean clothes and excused myself to the bathroom, deciding I was going to take a hot shower. Just before I started changing Mark knocked and peeked in. I could tell he was worried about me, so I didn't say anything about him barging in on me. He stepped in and closed the door. He asked me if I was alright. I looked over at him. "Yeah, I'm not really processing the fact I killed the internet yet, but I'm okay. I was just going to take a quick shower before I rejoined everybody. Thanks for checking on me." I saw him blush slightly, but a surge of lust had come into his eyes when I stated I was going to shower. He came over and pulled me in close for a deep kiss, leaving me breathless. Several kisses later, my hands found the bathroom counter behind me and the coldness of the counter drew me out of the hazy, lust filled state Mark was putting me in. "Hey, slow down, Mark. We haven't even been on a real date yet. And as much as I want to do this, all our friends are out there and I think they are going to be mighty suspicious if you don't leave soon." 

Mark smiled at me. "At least I got a hot make out session in before I got thrown out." He chuckled as I flipped him the bird. I shoved him out and locked the door to the bathroom behind him. Then I turned on the water and took a cold shower, deciding to cool my suddenly fevered brain. When I got out, I put on my pajamas, yes, the Markiplier pants, and a tee shirt with the logo for my channel in a soft silver. I blow dried my hair, just enough so it wasn't soaking wet, and went back out to my friends. Alex, George and Carmen weren't here yet, but Chris was and he grinned when he saw my outfit. So did most of my fellow YouTubers. Mark looked extremely proud. I rolled my eyes at him as he declared "Yes! My girlfriend is wearing my pants." Then he blushed. "I mean my pajamas." I laughed as he got more flustered. "I mean, my pajama pants. Oh god help!" 

"I'm wearing MY pajamas, thank you very much. I'm wearing your channel logo pajama pants." I shook my head, faking sadness as I winked at Jack and Signe. "Has he always been this addled, or did his brain recently fry?"

Jack snorted. "What did ye do ta him, exactly? He was in there a long time and he seemed kind of broken after that." Signe smacked him on the shoulder gently. 

I waggled my eyebrows, making everyone laugh except my brother, who suddenly looked ill. I giggled when I saw his expression. "Sorry Chris! I swear, it wasn't much, just a make out session. Then I kicked him out and took a shower. Now have we decided what we are going to do about dinner? I'm starved, but I don't want to go out in public either." I flopped down on the end of the bed.

Mark came over and laid down next to me, facing the room and snuggling me in close. "Room service? Or we could call down and have the restaurant send up dinner." We all agreed on dinner from the restaurant menu and called it in, asking them to bring it up as soon as possible. I ordered meals for Alex, Carmen, and George as well, knowing what they would probably want. Once the food was ordered, we all relaxed, finding a movie on TV we all agreed on. It was Monsters Inc, which suited all of us just fine. Mark and I cuddled on the end of the bed, with Jack and Signe, sitting just in front of us sharing an armchair, and cuddling, Felix and Marzia were snuggled up on a love seat, with Wade and Molly sitting next to them, arms wrapped around each other. Bob and Chris were chatting and sitting on the couch. I felt a little bad for them, not having anyone to curl up with, but I saw they were having a good time debating whatever it was they were talking about, so I wasn't too worried. A knock on the door a few minutes later had me getting up and answering, letting my friends in. They grinned as they noticed the couples seating and sat down on the couch and floor. I told them we had ordered dinner and it was on it's way before I settled back in against Mark, getting comfy. I actually drifted off to sleep briefly before the food came, but the knock on the door woke me up. Alex got the door and we all went over and got our food. It looked amazing. We ate as the movie finished. After dinner we all decide to play Truth or Dare. We resumed our previous seats and the game started. It was so much fun! Unfortunately, everyone was pretty tired so people started leaving before I knew it. Soon it was down to just Mark, Jack, Signe and I. We had turned the TV back on and were watching some cartoons, just mindless silly fun. Mark was rubbing my back as I cuddled him. Signe yawned and looked ready to fall asleep, so she soon dragged Jack off, wishing me goodnight with a wink. Mark whispered "Finally alone" before he leaned in and kissed me again. I rolled toward him slightly and we kissed for several minutes before I got up and locked the front door, giving him a lewd wink and shutting lights off. Before long it was nearly dark and I climbed into bed with him, whispering all manner of ideas of what we could do next to relieve stress.


	10. PAX East Day Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for your Q and A session...

I woke up next to Mark in the morning. I grinned and stretched, feeling amazing. It was astonishing what a little stress relief could do for a girl. I looked over at the clock and bit my lip. I needed to wake Mark up, but really didn't want to. Our friends would be here soon, and I doubted either of us were ready to go this public with whether or not we slept together. I rolled over and gave Mark a gentle kiss. He shifted and opened one sleepy eye. He smiled and pulled me in for a much deeper kiss. When we parted, he grinned "What an amazing way to wake up."

I giggled. "Sorry to wake you, but I have the sneaking suspicion we are going to be flooded with people in here in a few minutes. I wanted to give you the option of escaping and getting some clean clothes, instead of doing the walk of shame back to your room. " I winked at him. "If you can find a way to, you should bring your stuff back here. I have the feeling you won't need your room for the rest of my stay at least."

Mark brightened up. "That would be perfect. What time is it anyway? We need to head back to the convention center fairly early today. Most of us have a signing and you have your q and a session."

I sighed and gave him another quick kiss. "That's not until this afternoon. But it's almost eight thirty. Everyone usually shows up here by nine, so I was trying to give you a little time to get back to your room without anyone knowing. You better hurry though. I think Jack and Signe may go there looking for you this morning. Just hurry back."

Mark smiled and pulled his clothes from yesterday on, hurrying. I grabbed some clean clothes of my own and headed for the shower. I wanted to be dressed and ready when everyone showed up, and if I washed my hair, it would take at least twenty minutes to get ready. I was a low key, simple style kind of person, and usually let my hair air dry, but I didn't exactly have that luxury when I was wearing a helmet. Mark was out the door before I finished gathering clean clothes, stealing another quick kiss as he left. I hummed to myself, no particular tune, and hopped in the shower. I wasn't normally the type to sleep around, or even sleep with someone on a third date, but Mark and I had gotten really close over the past couple of months and been talking everyday for weeks before the convention. It felt more like we had been dating for a while, even though I didn't realize I had developed deeper feelings for him until yesterday. I felt like I was the last one to catch on. When I got out of the shower, I got dressed in blue jeans with a sparkly pattern around the waist, cuffs, and pockets, and a silver tee shirt with my channel logo. I had gone online and ordered a few dozen tee shirts with my logo in three colors, to use as sleep shirts, promotions, and for public appearances. In fact the first of the giveaway shirt drawings was scheduled to take place as soon as I got home. I had post the news on a vlog a week ago, telling my subscribers how to enter. The response had been a little staggering and so far I knew I was going to have to give away at least five shirts. I decided to go to the online custom vendor as soon as I got home and see if I could work out a merchandise deal. I had received a ton of requests asking where to buy my shirts, and so far no one had approached me to set anything up. Since my logo was a swirling background with my helmet in front of it, and it was hand drawn by me, I knew it would be a more complex shirt design to get made, but I knew now there was going to be a market for it. I grabbed my phone and typed a quick memo to myself to call when I got home.

I was working on blow drying my hair when someone knocked the first time. I set the dryer down and went over, letting Jack, Signe, Felix, Marzia, and my brother in. I grinned at them as they tried to look for Mark and not be obvious. "Morning everybody. Looking for something? Or should I ask someone?"

Jack ducked his head, embarrassed. He had been the most obvious. Felix just laughed. Marzia and Signe looked at me and giggled a little. My brother just looked relieved I was alone. Jack turned to me. "Sorry lass. We all made some assumptions. We didn't even check his room on the way over, we were so sure he was going ta be here."

I laughed, forcing myself not to look embarrassed or blush. "Well, as you can see, I'm the only one here. Now come on in all the way, so I can finish blow drying my hair, and let's order some breakfast. If someone else wants to call, that would be great. I want waffles with fruit, a peach smoothie to go, and a berry smoothie with my waffles." I headed back into the bathroom and picked up the blow dryer again. A few minutes later, Signe popped her head in. I finished up and grabbed my hairbrush, turning the dryer off so I could hear her.

"So, what time did you send Mark back to his room? I mean, I know what time we left, and it was pretty late, so Jack and I kind of thought..." Signe blushed as she realized what she was really asking. I giggled slightly.

"Signe, it was only about midnight when you left. We snuggled a little while longer and I saw him out. Jeez, you know me, or at least I thought you did. What exactly did you think was going to happen?" I willed my face to stay neutral, just raising an eyebrow at her. Mark and I had decided the previous night not to tell our friends anything yet, other than we were thinking about seeing where this was going. Mark and I were pretty sure they knew, but we still wanted some time to figure things out alone.

Signe actually looked disappointed. "Shoot. I was hoping you two would get together last night. You seem really into him and it's pretty obvious he can barely think straight around you. He was so cute yesterday, acting like a overprotective bear whenever he thought you might be getting stressed. And that onstage proposal to date! That was just outrageous. I can't believe how coolly you played that. By the way, how are you doing this morning? You don't seem to freaked out, at least not yet."

I shrugged. "I guess I'm okay. I realized last night while I was talking to Mark that I have no control over certain reactions of other people, and freaking out isn't helping me or anyone else. I also think I'm still a little numb. I mean, I think I'll be okay today unless someone tries to grab me or something. I'm definitely not going to be able to handle going to the signing with the guys, even if security would let me. I have another costume for today though, so I can walk around with my friends and you and we can go check out something else. Or we can just hang out in the green room again and I can look through the fan made stuff the staff has been gathering for me. I think there must be a lot of it, because I know they were talking about needing more boxes for me. I can't believe anyone would make anything for me though, so maybe it's just letters?"

Signe grinned. "Don't ask me. Jack gets a ton of stuff at every single one of these events. If the fans hear he's going, or even just hope he might be, they bring stuff, and it get shipped to us, or sent through Mark, Bob, or Wade. Those poor guys must feel like delivery men sometimes."

I smiled and finished pulling my hair up into the usual low bun. We walked out. Just as we were exiting the bathroom, there was another knock. Wade, Molly, Bob, and Mark were all standing there. I let them in, grinning and winked at Mark, out of sight of the others. He smiled at me, but it was just a 'I'm happy to see you kind of smile'. His eyes were dancing though, so I knew he had experienced the same questioning I had gotten. Just as I was about to close the door Carmen and Alex came running up, dragging George. I held the door for them and closed it once they were inside. I went over to my bag and moved it next to the door, knowing all the things I needed for the day, except my backup costume, were inside, including my helmet. The only thing I still needed were my heels, which I grabbed from the bathroom and carried out. Mark whined when he saw them, making everyone turn to look at me.

"Do you have to wear those things? They make me feel so short." Mark pouted. Wade and Bob exchanged looks and chuckled.

I grinned widely. "Sorry Markimoo, but yes, I have to wear them. They are part of my look. And you are short babe." I leaned over and kissed his cheek as I said this, taking the sting out of my words.

Almost everyone laughed a little at this. Mark just crossed his arms like a petulant toddler. I rolled my eyes and sat down next to him, slipping my shoes on. Mark looked at them with disfavor. "You know, I have never seen you wear any other shoes. Do you even have others?"

Jack burst out laughing so loud it startled everyone except Signe and I. We exchanged looks and laughed as well. When Jack stopped to breathe, I turned to Mark to answer, but Jack cut in before me. "She never wears those, unless she's in public as [Y/Y/N]. I swear, most of the time she's either barefoot or in shoes so flat it seems like she's barefoot." 

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks Jack. Make me seem like a freak." 

Jack grinned. "No problem." Signe swatted his arm. Alex and Carmen were staring at us, open mouthed. I saw and turned to them.

"What's wrong?"

Alex closed her mouth and swallowed before answering. Carmen just kept staring. "I knew you were friends with these people, but seeing you interact like this..." She paused and tried to collect her thoughts. "Like it's totally normal, and happens everyday? I mean, whoa."

Carmen nodded. I laughed and blushed. "But it does happen everyday. Jack and Signe are my neighbors, and friends. Signe is my best friend at home now. This is perfectly normal for me." I blushed deeper. "I just met everybody else in person on this trip, but I've been talking to Felix and Mark since my channel started, or just before." I looked down at the floor. "Actually, I talk to them a lot more than I talk to anyone else." 

Mark pulled me in for a hug. "Hey, I like to hear that! You can talk to me anytime." He raised his eyebrows, trying to be seductive and lowered his voice. "Anytime. About anything." I grinned at him and leaned on his shoulder, staying wrapped in his hug. 

Carmen squeaked. I looked at her again. "Um, sorry. I thought that was just an act for the panel yesterday and he was just comforting you afterwards. Are you two really dating?" I looked at Mark, who shrugged.

"Well, we haven't officially decided. I wouldn't mind going on a date with him. We are friends though." I grinned as I caught the look Signe shot my way. Then there was a knock at the door. I motioned for my brother, who was standing closest to it, to answer. He opened it to find our breakfast had arrived. Apparently, whoever had called breakfast in had decided to order some of everything again. I grabbed what I had requested, since it was on a separate tray, and sat back down next to Mark. He smiled when he saw my plate and tried to steal some of my smoothie. I grinned at him and smacked his hand away playfully. My friends, old and new watched with smiles on their faces as we were clearly in a playful mood, and enjoyed seeing us flirt back and forth. Even my brother managed to watch, amused. We all ate and talked, a general feeling of relaxed calm over all of us. When we finished, we put the dishes back on the trays and carts and pushed them out into the hall. Then Carmen, Alex, George, and Chris said goodbye, heading back to their rooms or to go to the convention center. They had told me they wouldn't be able to hang out today, due to other plans, so I was a little bummed, but understood. Besides, I needed to mentally prepare for my q and a session this afternoon. Everyone else headed over to the elevators to leave for the con. I put my helmet on and held Mark's hand as we walked.

When we got to the lobby, security came over to escort us out. The entire lobby was thronged with fans, screaming our names, mostly Mark's and mine. It was a little intimidating to be honest, and I was glad the crowd was at least not pushing into us. We got out to the waiting cars and were driven to the rear entrance we had to leave by yesterday. As we drove around the building, we could see the crowds lined up down the block, looking like there were far more people then had been there any of the previous days. I kept holding Mark's hand through all of it and he was watching me, occasionally giving me a reassuring hand squeeze. Jack and Signe were in the car with us, watching me closely. I was a little nervous, but honestly much, much calmer than I had been all week. I knew I had a good support system and at least in my mind, something so monumentally huge had happened I couldn't imagine it. I had gotten so popular I crashed the Internet for hours. I had listened to the news radio while I showered this morning and it was the top story. They had also reported my subscriber base had grown by over three million since the panel yesterday. I couldn't even began to imagine such a thing. It was just not possible. I planned to record a vlog later, in a quiet moment, if I could find one, just talking about how surreal this whole experience was. I figured I could check my subscriber count then. I knew Jack, Signe, and Mark wouldn't want me to, but I needed to know. I also needed to know if I could successfully handle the pressure. It was rapidly becoming clear to me I would likely have to give up my job at the library, something I really didn't want to do. I decided I would stick it out as long as possible, hoping that the ferver over my channel would fade after the con.

After we were ushered in, the guys all got ready to go to their signing, which started at ten. The convention had already opened and we could hear the crowds outside. I took the helmet off long enough to kiss Mark before he left, to the hoots and catcalls of our friends. I ignored them, holding on to Mark for an extra minute and whispering a soft "Good luck. I'll see you later." He smiled at me and hugged me close, reminding me to stay here and not go on the Internet unless I had to. I didn't say anything, just hugged back before letting him go and putting my helmet back on. I was being extra careful today, not letting the door open without wearing the helmet. I knew security was close by, and the room was out of the main area, but it still sounded like there were more people than before and I could hear them calling my channel name as they looked for me. I wasn't going to take any chances at my secret identity leaking out.

When the guys left, I offered costumes to Molly, Signe, and Marzia. I had decided not to go out, but knew they didn't want to stay cooped up in here all day. I told them I was just going to read an ebook on my computer and maybe record a quick vlog, but I wasn't going anywhere, so they were welcome to go out without me. Molly and Marzia both grabbed costumes immediately. Signe looked a little unsure, clearly not wanting to leave me alone, but I convinced her I would be fine. I reminded her I had her cell phone number, along with Jack's and Mark's, promising to text them all if I started to feel anxious or needed anything. She grabbed a costume from the box, my Samus outfit that I had made for Alex a few years ago, and slipped over to put it on behind the screened off area. She looked awesome and I couldn't help taking a picture. She grinned and posed. When they left, I hauled my laptop and camera out, recording a vlog, thanking my fans for all the support and asking them to maybe calm down, just a little. I reminded them that I was just a person and all this was a little overwhelming for someone who was shy, and to please remember, as much as I wanted to meet them all, there was only one of me and so, so many of them. I also told them I would be giving away more shirts than I had originally planned, but the way to enter to win was still going to be the same. I thanked them one more time, ending the vlog. Then I did a super speedy edit and rendered the video. I uploaded it right away, adding a thumbnail, and steeled myself. It was time to look at my channel again. I opened the page, pushing the video out and looked at my subscriber count. I blinked three times. That couldn't be right. I was at just under five million yesterday. I couldn't be at the number I saw now, eight and a half million subscribers. There was just no way. I stared stupidly for several minutes, watching the number, before realizing it must be right. I double checked, leaving YouTube to got to my live subscriber update ticker, the one Jack had showed me that he used, and let out a strained noise. I was wrong, it wasn't eight and a half million. I had just broken the nine million subscriber mark. In under one and a half months. I closed the lid on my laptop quickly pushing it away. I could feel the panic trying to bubble up and take over, so I forced myself to breath evenly and deeply, imagining Mark sitting with me, helping me stay calm. It was working, but not enough, so I changed tactics, forcing myself to think about something else entirely. I started remembering how Mark's lips felt on mine and how wonderful his arms felt around me. My panic dissolved like snow in a warm rain, and I smiled a wistful smile. I knew I probably looked love struck under the helmet, but I didn't care. Thinking of Mark was enough to break my cycle of panic. I had diffused the situation all by myself, even with no one around, and it was something I could be proud of, no matter what else happened today. I sighed and reopened my laptop, watching the ticker rapidly click into larger and larger numbers, but not feeling particularly panicky now. Mark would be back soon. I shook my head at my mental neediness. Come on girl, get it together. You can't really be this needy this fast. You'll chase him off. Be cool, even in your own head. I mean damn. I minimized the window, not wanting to close it completely, and logged onto Twitter, briefly looking at my feed. I ignored the trending topics, refusing even to look at them, and tweeted out that I had uploaded a new vlog. I also responded to a few tweets before logging out, closing the browser except for the still minimized ticker. I opened Steam and started playing Slime Rancher. It was a calm game, not a rage inducer or knuckle biter, and I wanted calm in my life now. I decided I would record the session, since I was alone in the room for a while and did my intro, opening the recording software and capture software. Before long I was totally immersed in the game. After twenty minutes, I decided to take a quick break, recording an outro to end one video before picking up the next and walked over to the door. I peeked out, looking for a volunteer. One immediately stepped over, introducing herself as Anna, and I asked her if she could go get me something to drink. She smiled and ran off, returning shortly with our usual case of bottled waters and a few sodas. She apologized that it wasn't already there and asked if there was anything else I needed. I shook my head and thanked her.

I grabbed a bottle of water and took a straw out of my bag, ensuring I could drink and not be caught off guard by the door opening suddenly, pushing the straw into the bottle and taking a drink. Then I sat back down and resumed recording, filming my intro once more. I got two more episodes filmed before Signe came back. She was dragging Molly and Marzia, apparently upset that she hadn't heard from me in too long. I had lost track of time and squeaked when the door opened. I paused my recording just long enough to ask them to wait a minute, and finished up with an outro, closing my recording session, capture software, and Slime Rancher. I logged off Steam and looked over at them. "How's the convention today?"

Signe was watching me, apparently relieved I was still here and calm. "Um, packed and noisy. Are you okay? I was sure you would have gone online while we were gone and be needing help. I even saw you had been on YouTube and Twitter and dragged Molly and Marzia back to help calm you down."

Molly shook her head at Signe. "Not that we minded. It's a zoo out there. It's so crowded it's hard to move."

I laughed a little. "I'm okay. I was just recording some games. I did a vlog and uploaded it. That's what I tweeted about. I didn't even look at the trending topics though. I was playing some Slime Rancher. It's nice and calm, as well as being such a cute and fun game."

Signe smiled, but didn't look convinced. "Why didn't you wait to go online until someone was here, just to make sure you were okay? Honestly, I started to get worried when you didn't text me, which is why I logged on to the web in the first place."

"I needed to see if I could handle it myself." I paused, biting my lip, debating whether to tell her the rest. I decided I needed to. "I did it on purpose to see if I could break the panic cycle if it started." I swallowed. This was hard. "I was able to. I wasn't panicked when I looked at Twitter, but I saw my new subscriber number and felt a panic attack starting after a minute. I managed to break loose though on my own. I even had a message typed and ready to send if I couldn't handle it, but I didn't need it." I looked down at my hands, noticing I was picking at the label of the water bottle, shredding it into tiny pieces. "I think I'm okay. I mean, I watched my live subscriber count ticker and didn't panic, and it's going up really fast." I opened it back up and my whole body froze. In an hour and a half it had risen from just over nine and a quarter million to being less then ten thousand away from ten million. I whimpered slightly, but didn't feel my usual panic starting. I felt numb all over. I quickly minimized the screen again and closed my laptop, unable to deal with that right now. Maybe when Mark came back, and Jack was here. 

Signe hear the noise I made and rushed over, seeing me push my computer away almost compulsively. She took my helmet off and pulled me in for a hug. "How bad is it? Do you need me to get Jack and Mark? Their signing will be over in another hour, but they can come back sooner if you need them."

I took a few deep breaths. "I'm okay. I just looked at my live sub count again. I'm not going to do that for a while, not until I know I can handle it. It's too immediate and real here where I can hear the crowd screaming my name as they try to find me. I'm not panicked, but I'm not entirely okay either. I wish I were home, in a way, except then I wouldn't be able to meet everyone here, or hang out with all of you." I sighed. "This is tough. Maybe we could just do something else, like play a board game or some cards?"

Signe nodded. Molly came over and wrapped her arms around my shoulders in a hug. Marzia sat down at the table with us. "So what game do we want to play?" Molly asked, adding "And maybe we should order some food, so it will be here by the time the guys get back. A four hour signing can really wear you out. And what time is your q and a?"

I winced a little at the reminder. "Three. So in two hours. If you guys want to get food that's fine. I'm not really hungry though. I had the volunteer get some water for us. It's over there." I pointed at the spot where the box of waters was. 

Molly shook her head at me. "You need to eat something, or you'll pass out at the session. It happened to me once." Signe nodded. 

Marzia was checking something on her phone. When she looked up, she waved Signe over to show her. I hoped it was something related to food. Signe kept her face neutral and said "Well, how does Mexican food sound? There's a restaurant that delivers two streets over and I bet if we can't get the food ourselves, one of the volunteers can take the delivery for us." Everyone else nodded, I just kept my head down. I knew that's not what Signe and Marzia were looking at on the phone. I had the feeling I had broken the ten million mark and they were trying not to let me know. "Okay, I'm ordering a bunch of stuff, so everybody just take whatever they want when it gets here. Unless anyone wants something specific?" I shook my head when they looked at me and I saw Molly do the same.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sent Mark a text. *Hey Markimoo. Hope the signing is going well.*

I got a reply pretty quickly. *It's going fine. How are you holding up? The crowd is insane this year! Oh, and we have about half a ton of stuff for you from fans. They keep giving it to Jack and I when they see you aren't here. I wish you were. :( Miss you.*

I smiled. *I miss you too. Sorry if you guys are getting swamped. We're ordering food, so it should be here when you get back. Mexican. Anything in particular you like?*

*Yum. Tacos!* I giggled and relayed Mark's request for tacos to Signe. 

She laughed. "That's what I figured. Jack will want tacos too." She looked at her phone for a few minutes. "Okay, I'm going to call this in now." She dialed and placed a large order. I grabbed my helmet and put it back on, taking comfort in knowing my face at least was hidden again. If a tear or two slipped down my face or I blushed no one would know now. I pulled my laptop over to me again, opening my email. I smiled when I saw a message from my other brother, asking me how I was enjoying seeing my friends. I sent back a reply telling him it was crazy, loud, and crowded at the convention, but it was great to see everyone. Since I hadn't told him I was a YouTuber, I didn't mention any of my panic issues, or the fact that I wasn't only referring to Carmen, Alex, George, and Jeanna. I knew Freddy was in town too, but so far I hadn't been able to find him. I decided to send him a text message while I had some down time. 

*Hey Fredman, what's up? Sorry I haven't been able to meet up with ya yet. Where are ya at now? I've got some time now...*

*[Y/n]? I thought you were a mythical being, much like the highly sought after [Y/Y/N]. Have you been to any of her events? Is she as awesome as everyone says? And I'm currently waiting to get signatures from Markiplier, PewDiePie, JackSepticEye, Muyskerm, and LordMinion777. I'm next in line. Hey do you know if they are taking gifts for [Y/Y/N]? I made her something and no one can seem to find her anywhere.*

I groaned. Oh shit, one of my oldest friends was a groupie. God dammit. *Um, after you're done in line, follow these directions and ask for the volunteer by the name of Anna. She'll help you find me. I want to talk to you. I miss you damn it.*

*Okay. Why don't I look for you though? Are you okay?*

*I'm in one of the side rooms. I'm having panic issues this week.*

*Oh shit. That really sucks. I be there in just couple of minutes. Oh, hey, gotta go, it's my turn! See ya in a few!*

I smiled and stood up, walking to the door. I opened it and beckoned Anna back over. "Hey, can you do me a favor please? I have a friend who is looking for me. His name is Freddie Clarkson and he's about six feet tall, dark hair, green eyes, and he wears glasses. I told him to look for you. Can you bring him in as soon as he get to the corner over there?" Anna grinned and nodded. "Thank you so much! You're a star!" I turned to head back in, only just catching a glimpse of her blush as she turned and ran to wait for my friend.

When I got back inside and closed the door, Signe looked at me with raised eyebrows. "What are you up to now?"

I took off my helmet for a second. "I'm having one of my friends come meet me here. I'm going to tell him who I am, since he wasn't there the other night when I made my little announcement and I haven't been able to catch up with him since he got in. His name is Freddie Clarkson, and I've known him since we were two months old. He moved to Atlanta, Georgia just over a year and a half ago, and I miss him." I settled back into a seat and grabbed a deck of cards to wait, figuring I could play some solitaire. Signe came over and took the cards from me, looking worried. "He'll be fine with it, I swear. And if he's not, we can call security in to make him leave. By the way, if you need anything, the volunteer Anna, the one who's been right outside today? She's really helpful."

Signe grinned. "Alright. If you think it will be okay, it should be fine. Now, I'm going to go get the food with Marzia. We'll be back in just a minute. Do you want Molly to wait here with you, or come with us, so you can tell your friend in privacy."

I thought for a few seconds. "She probably ought to go with you. There's going to be a lot of food and Freddie doesn't know I'm a YouTuber at all. He might recognize her. He's a big fan of everybody in the group, including you and your art. Thanks Signe." She waved me off and lead Marzia and Molly out. I tucked my helmet onto my head, leaving my mouth exposed and waited behind the screen. When Anna knocked on the door and announced she had my guest, I told her the door was open. I pushed the helmet the rest of the way on as I heard Freddie come in and Anna step back out. I waited until the door was fully closed and stepped out from behind the screen. Freddie screamed my YouTuber name. I winced and shushed him. "Calm down Freddie. Jeez. I thought you'd be cool. Now sit down."

Freddie looked confused as he sat. "I'm sorry, have I met you before?"

I laughed a deep belly laugh and pulled my helmet off. "God, I hope so. We've seen each other in diapers and underwear before, though I'd rather that not get around too much!"

Freddie's eyes bugged out. "[Y/N]? Is that really you? You're famous?"

I shook my head at him. "I'm really me. As for the famous part, I guess so? Not really what I meant to happen, but life has taken a funny turn lately."

He looked stunned. Then he turned to me and grinned. "So, can I get an autograph? I want to make all my friends jealous at home!" 

I laughed again. "Sure. I can even take a picture with you if you want. Jack and Mark will probably do the same if you want them too." I thought for a second. "Actually, Felix, Wade, Bob, Molly, Signe, and Marzia too. Signe definitely will." I grinned at him. "She's my new bestie."

His eyes bugged again. "How did you even meet them? I mean, I've seen all your videos and the collabs you've done with JackSepticEye, PewDiePie, and Markiplier of course. But, how even..." He shook his head, looking dazed. Suddenly he narrowed his eyes at me. "Did you know you killed YouTube last night?"

I made a face. "Yeah. I didn't mean too. I had no idea the panel would go viral like that. I didn't expect any of this. I wasn't lying about the panic issues, I've had an attack everyday this week. God, you know how shy I am. Can you imagine how all this attention feels? Millions of people suddenly trying to get a piece of me?" I shuddered. 

He came over and gave me a hug. "Yeah, that blows. I wondered how you were dealing, when I realized what this meant. Now, on to other things. What's new in your life, other than being the fastest growing celebrity, like ever? And how is Ireland?"

I smiled. "I love Ireland. I am so glad I went to visit Jacob. I went on a week long visit of Scotland, which I also loved, and a longer trip through Ireland, when I found the perfect job. I work as the IT person at a library. So I got the job and moved in to an apartment. I had no idea Jack and Signe were even living in the same area as I was until they knocked on my door. They are my next door neighbors. Signe and I started hanging out. Then Jack called Mark to see if he could use the extra ticket Mark was given for me, since he was bringing Signe. Mark wanted to meet me, and he found out I was a gamer with a lot of the same interests, and he wanted to play some games with me. Jack and Mark convinced me to start my channel and helped me. I am the one who decided to hide my face on camera, and the voice changer was part of the helmet, so yeah. That's how that happened. I've been playing catch up ever since. This week has been absolutely insane in ways I could never have even believed."

Freddie laughed. "Probably not the least of which was the onstage 'proposal' to be Markiplier's girlfriend. Did you guys plan that, or was it spur of the moment? It was pretty epic to watch, let me tell you!"

I giggled. "That was totally unplanned. I had no idea what was going to happen and I just played along. I was having a good time getting the crowd into things though. I'm glad it didn't look too weird."

Freddie shook his head. "No, it was amazing. Now, the serious question. Are you really dating him? I mean, I've got to know!"

I blushed and looked down. He laughed again, reading my expression as enough of an answer. I looked back up when I heard the door rattle and slid my helmet back on, just as the door opened. Signe, Molly, and Marzia walked in, buried in food containers. Freddie rushed over to help and I stepped over and closed the door behind them. As soon as it was closed, I took the helmet back off. "That was fast. Jeez, did we really order all this food?" Signe looked at me, a question on her face. "Oh, right. Freddie, this is Signe, Molly, and Marzia. Ladies, this is Freddie Clarkson, the friend I was waiting for."

Molly stepped over to shake his hand. Freddie tried to keep cool, but he was being a total fan boy. Marzia waved to him and started unpacking the food. Signe was helping her and as soon as they were done, Signe stepped over to meet him. "Hi. I'm Signe."

Freddie swallowed nervously. "I know. You're one of my favorite artists. I've been saving up to buy some of your artwork again. I bought some once before and it's amazing." Freddie was nearly babbling, so I grabbed his arm and sat him down, grinning at Signe.

"Now you've done it. He'll start gibbering soon." I turned back to him. "Breathe you dingus. Before you pass out, like that time you went to the concert in college. How on earth did you manage to go to the signing earlier and not pass out?" I looked at him as he blushed. "Or did you pass out?" His blush deepened. I patted his shoulder. "Poor Freddie. Such a fanboy." I shook my head, trying to look sad.

Signe giggled. "I've never had anyone gush like that at me before. Jack, yes, but not me."

Freddie buried his face in his hands. Just then the door started to open and I ducked behind his back. It was the guys. I came back into view as soon as the door shut and walked over to them. "Hey guys. How was the signing?"

Felix groaned and collapsed into a chair. "Way too long. We must have seen about a thousand people. And some fanboy fainted when he shook Jack's hand." Freddie groaned again and I laughed. Felix, Mark and Jack suddenly looked on edge.

I gave them a hand signal to cool it. "Guys, meet my friend Freddie Clarkson, aka the line fainter. I had no idea he was even in the signing line, but I texted him a little while ago and said I wanted to meet up with him. I've been talking to him for a little while now. Food's here too, so we should all eat. I have to get ready to go onstage before too much longer." I swallowed and got a little pale. Mark came over and hugged me. I patted his shoulder. "Thanks. Um, Jack, Mark, can you come over to my computer for a minute? I need some moral support to look at something."

Mark grip on me tightened. "I don't like the sound of that. Can't it wait until after the q and a session?"

I shook my head. "Not really." I sat down behind my computer. Mark had a hand on my right shoulder. Jack was beside me on the right. I didn't see everyone else crowd in behind to see as well. I opened my screen up and clicked the minimized window, opening my live sub count. I whimpered. I heard Felix swear in Swedish. Jack cursed as well. Wade whistled. I was frozen in place. In the last two hours I had gone up to twelve million subs. Mark closed the browser and pulled my chair away from the computer. I was sweating and shaking slightly, fighting not panicking. Mark pulled me up and hugged me again. I leaned into him, following his breathing. When he didn't let me go, I turned my head slightly and looked at him. "I'm okay now, I think. I saw it was over nine and a half million earlier." I swallowed and whispered to him "Thinking of you kept me calm. Thank you." I snuggled down, getting slightly more comfortable in his embrace before adding, "As much as I would love to do this all day, Mark, I need to eat. My session starts in an hour."

Mark growled as he let me go, clearly unhappy with having to release me. "I want to come with you. What if you start to panic on stage? Even if they won't let me go out on the actual stage, I'm going to wait backstage for you. No arguing. Now, what do you want to eat? We should both eat. I have the feeling this is going to be a long afternoon."

I walked over to the food and started dishing some rice, salad, and other assorted food on a plate. I added two tacos and sat down. Mark sat next to me, handing me a fork. He had dipped his own plate. Jack sat on my other side with Signe as they ate as well. Soon everyone had food and Freddie was making strangled conversation with everyone, only sounding normal when he talked to me. After I ate my salad, I reached down for my bag. Mark looked over at me. "What on earth are you doing now?"

I blushed. "Um, looking for my bag?"

Jack rolled his eyes, handing it to me. "Here it is. What do you need now?" 

I fished around in the front pocket until I found what I wanted. I pulled it out. My favorite hot sauce! I started adding it to my food, especially the tacos. It was hot, but not so hot I couldn't handle it. Freddie started laughing, especially when he saw Jack and Mark back away holding their plate so nothing could get on them. I rolled my eyes and put the bottle in my pocket. After I was done, I started eating again. Much better. I giggled when I saw them eyeing me for a few seconds, suspecting I was going to suddenly attack, but when I just kept eating they settled back down. Freddie meanwhile was laughing so hard he was having trouble staying in his chair. I looked over at him. "Hey Freddie, are you okay?"

Freddie gasped for air and finally calmed down enough to say "Did you tell them about the cupcakes?"

I laughed. "Yeah. They all met Carmen, George, and Alex the other day, and we hung out yesterday. They met Jeanna too, but she's being a bitch."

Freddie stopped laughing and looked at me. "Oh god. Is your YouTube thing what has everyone in our group acting so weird? Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I told them before you got here. Everyone except Jeanna is okay now, but Jeanna was being pissy yesterday, and I would assume still today from what Alex said this morning. I'm going to just let her be a bitch for a while. I can't handle the drama and stress. Oh, and by the way, this should go without saying, but if you tell anyone I will hunt you down and make your life hell. I think the only reason Jeanna hasn't exposed me at this point is because I made it very clear what would happen if she told, and kind of implied the cupcake thing would look like a love kiss if she crossed me." Freddie shivered. "Yeah, I was a little pissed at the reactions I got. Jeanna kind of acted like it was a prank. Alex and Carmen were just shocked, which I can understand. George laughed at me. We stood there for about ten minutes waiting for them to react differently before I gave up. Carmen decided to reach out yesterday. She, Alex, and George got brought in and they apologized. I don't think they meant anything by their initial reactions, but it totally sucked." Mark wrapped and arm around me again. I smiled over at him.

Freddie nodded. "Now things make a lot more sense. To be honest, we have all been avoiding Jeanna. She seems a lot more bitchy this visit than any of us remember. I thought maybe she was just having a rough week. But you're having a really rough week, and you are as nice as ever, if somewhat evil at times." He eyed my food and bit his tongue. "Just don't offer me any of that crap."

Mark grinned at him. "I like you. And it can't be that hot if she's eating that much of it." He reached down and grabbed a taco before I could warn him. He took a large bite and choked. He dropped my food back on the plate as his eyes went huge and he gasped in pain and surprise. Molly ran out to get some milk for him from somewhere.

"Mark, babe, that was just dumb." I shook my head sadly. "You don't know how hot I like my food, and saw me heavily season it." I watched him chew and swallow, trying to get the flaming food out of his mouth. "You're just lucky that's the mild stuff. Some of the hot sauce I use is actually spicy."

Freddie grinned. "That's just mean. Which sauce was it?"

I showed him the bottle. "It's just the habenero stuff. That's why I had to dowse everything." Freddie grimaced a little and started laughing again. "I guess she never told any of you she's a chili head?"

Jack was watching Mark's color turn brighter and brighter red. "Mark, are ye gonna make it? Hang on, buddy. Molly'll be right back." He turned to Freddie. "No, we didn't know she was so inta spicy food. I like spicy food well enough, but I know my limits. Also, the last time I grabbed someone else's food like that after they seasoned it I about choked on salt. I learned my lesson then."

I was watching Mark. "Baby, I need you to eat these plain cheese quesadillas. Use as much sour cream as you can manage. I don't want you to get hurt." I watched as he took a bite. The relief on his face was almost comical. I watched and made him eat some more until he could talk and breath again normally. "That's better." I leaned over and hugged him.

Mark looked at me. "Holy shit! Do you have an iron stomach and mouth, or what? How can you eat that?"

"Hey, just 'cuz you can't handle it, don't knock my food choices."

He grinned at me. "My spicy girlfriend." He shook his head. "Woo. That was a rush I could have avoided."

Everyone was grinning at him. Bob commented "Now kiss her!" I laughed. Mark looked confused for a minute, before he leaned in and kissed me. I let him deepen the kiss until suddenly he backed off and whimpered.

Everybody cracked up. I smiled. Mark gave Bob a dirty look. "Why did you do that to me? I thought we were friends. Owie, owie, owww!"

"Stop whining. Jeez. Oh look, Molly is back with milk for the big baby." I rolled my eyes, slightly annoyed at his withdrawal and reaction to kissing me.

Signe winked and beckoned me forward, leaning over Jack's lap to whisper to me "I guess you'll have to be code named 'Hotlips' not Mark." 

I laughed and blushed as I sat back up. Everyone wanted to know what she said, but we just laughed and refused to tell. Mark finished the milk and I looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "I'm better now" he answered and blushed. 

I went back to my meal, finishing with just enough time to put my helmet on and head out for my session. Jack, Signe, and Mark all decided they were coming too, and I couldn't dissuade them, not that I really tried very hard. Freddie told me he would watch from the audience, with everyone else, so security took them out to a secured balcony in the theater. I swallowed butterflies down and mentally squared my shoulders. I was too nervous to sit backstage, so I stood up and shook my nerves out, wiggling around and jumping in place. I must have looked demented, but I didn't care. When I was calmer, I took the wireless headset they provided me and miked up, hiding behind Mark and Jack to take my helmet off. I put it back on and stood where the stage hand instructed behind the curtain. The lights went down and I struck the superhero pose, to amuse the crowd and boost my own confidence as the curtain went up. I sighed with relief when I heard the audience laugh and I bounced forward to the couch they had provided for me, sprawling across when I plopped down. Again, I got a laugh. I turned to the audience and yelled out my intro, temporarily shorting the mic. It came back on to me cursing, earning another laugh. "Sorry about that. I didn't know they couldn't handle my loudness. You'd think they would know, but I guess not. Now today is going to be all about answering fan question. We have five volunteers with microphones to run out and get questions, and I have Twitter questions on my screen. Now, I'm not promising to answer everything, particularly if you try to pry too much, but I will try to be honest and answer as much as I can, so let's get started. Oh, and before I take the first question, I have some friends backstage who have been helping me get through the week. I have to at least give them and a few other people some credit. JackSepticEye, Markiplier, Wiishu, can you please come out here?" I knew this was a surprise, but they all stepped on stage and waved quickly at the audience before trying to escape. I blocked them with what I said next. "They have been helping me get through some really bad panic attacks and are amazing friends. I'm hoping they will sit out here with me, but I understand if they just want to go backstage again." Signe shot me a dirty look and sat down next to Jack. Jack grinned at her and put an arm around her, drawing her in for a quick kiss. Mark sat next to me and I stepped of stage for just a second, grabbing two wireless mics handing them to Jack and Mark. "Just in case you have anything to add. Thank you! Now, my other friends I have to thank. These are mostly new friends, that I met here for the first time in person. PewDiePie, LordMinion777, Muyskerm, CutiePieMarzia, and Foxtrot44. You guys have all been amazingly nice to me as well and welcomed me into the group. Pewds, I know I have collabed with you in the past and chatted online, but this was my first chance to meet you in person. Thanks for being awesome!" I stopped and waited for the audience to die down. "Alright, so anyway, if you don't know their channels, check them out. And finally, I want to thank some of my old friends as well. This has been a long week and seeing them again has helped. Alex, George, Carmen, and Freddie, thanks for not giving up on me. I know it's been tough to get in touch with me, but at least you know why now. Sorry for the sudden reveal." The audience chuckled. "One more person to thank. Chris, thanks for being in my corner. You're awesome bro!" I chuckled to myself, knowing the audience wouldn't really think I was talking to my literal brother. "Okay, on with the show! First question!" I took questions from various people and Twitter for an hour before I stopped for just a minute and stood up to stretch. "Sorry guys! These seat were made for shorter people than me. I'm getting a back cramp. Time for a thirty second stretch break and a drink. Be right back. I grabbed the bottle of water from behind the couch and stuck a straw from my pocket in. I started drinking and drained the whole bottle much to the audiences amusement. "Aah. Much better. Talking gives me dry mouth. Now let's get back into this. Who's next? How about you, the woman with the blue hair and My Little Pony tee. What's your burning question for me?"

"Um, hi! I'm Debbie. Uh, I have to ask, you seem really smart. Did you go to college? And if so what did you study?"

I grinned under my helmet and cackled a little. "Yep. I graduated college. I went to a school of engineering, though I am not going to say which one, and got a degree in Information Technology, or computer science for those who want the less technical sounding name. I graduated with honors, specializing in networking and web design. Thanks for the question." I took a breath and laughed as I heard Mark groan behind me. I looked over at him. I was grinning hugely as I started to turn back to the audience.

Suddenly, from the balcony we heard Wade comment "Ha! He could have been an engineer, but she is one! Ha ha!

Mark groaned again and said "Shut up Wade!"

I turned back to him. "Well, Mr. Iplier, that was just rude. I'm taking audience comments. Now hush." I chuckled as he growled at me. "Don't make me get the tacos."

Jack and Signe cracked up, having to hold each other up on the couch as they laughed. We could hear the balcony losing it too. I was glad someone had run a mic up to them. I turned back to the audience. "Sorry about that interruption. We should be fine now, right Markimoo?"

He grinned at me. "I think I better explain that last comment. It sounded lewd, unless you want to?" I shook my head, shrugging to let him take it away. "Um, yeah, actually, I feel dumb for bringing this up now. I should have just let it go shouldn't I?"

I nodded and whispered into the mic "Too late now babe. You have to go with it."

Mark shivered. "Stop that. You'll get me in trouble. Okay, so about the taco thing. We got Mexican food for lunch and I was eating, sitting next to [Y/Y/N], you know, since she agreed to be my girlfriend yesterday-"

I cut him off. "A decision I may or may not be reconsidering."

The audience laughed as Mark blushed. "Sorry. So anyway, we had our food on our plates and um, she added hot sauce to hers. A lot of it. I may have assumed it wasn't very spicy because she was just eating it like it was nothing and stolen a big bite of her taco." He trailed off blushing as bright as his hair.

Jack cut in, still fighting laughter. "She lectured him, even as he was gasping around like a fish on dry land. It was the funniest thing ever, especially when she then helped him get over it, and he --" Jack lost it completely again, as did the balcony and Signe.

I laughed and finished the story. "Bob dared him to kiss me, and he did, which was a spicy experience from the way he reacted. I swear, if I didn't know him better, the way he drew back would have been enough to get him punched." I grinned at Jack. "In the face. LIKE A BOSS!" The audience cheered and laughed. "Then he whined. The magic is gone, I swear." Mark pouted at me. I patted his knee. "There, there, you big baby. Next time keep your hands off my food." 

I called for the next question, and the panel continued with lots of jokes and me being silly, but having fun and the occasional comment from either Jack, Mark, Signe, or the balcony. My two hours were over before I knew it. The curtain came down and I scurried back stage, pulling the mic off and heading back to the green room, completely exhausted. Mark held my hand the whole way. When we got there, I collapsed in a chair and took off my helmet, closing my eyes from exhaustion. "Are all q and a sessions that long?"

Mark laughed. "No, most of them are much smaller and only about an hour. Most of them don't turn people away from the biggest stage in the convention either. That was really good by the way. How are you holding up?"

I opened one eye to look at everyone, who were all looking at me worriedly. "I'm fine. Too exhausted to move, but fine. I feel like a wrung out dishrag."

Felix chuckled. "That was awesome by the way. And thanks for including us, even without having us on stage." I smiled tiredly and closed my eye again.

Signe poked me. "Did you have to drag me out there too?"

I looked up at her and groaned. "Yes, actually. And that's why I used your Twitter handle. You have been in my videos several times. Also, I mentioned you yesterday onstage and this gave you and Jack a chance to act like a couple without having all the attention on you."

Signe looked surprised. Freddie grinned at me. "Devious as ever I see."

I laughed. "Now, somebody help me gather my crap. I want to go back to the hotel and sleep until tomorrow, but I don't have the energy to move." Mark helped me up and we all started gathering my stuff, packing my laptop and other assorted items in my bag. I moved my box of costumes over to the boxes with my name, adding a label to have them ship it to me, and winced at the sheer number of them. I had at least twelve boxes here already, and knew that wasn't counting anything from this afternoon on. I shook my head and followed Mark out to the waiting cars. We once again had to be lead out a side entrance. The hotel security helped us through and we got up to my room, where I collapsed on the bed, too tired to even take my shoes or helmet off. Mark chuckled and came over, gently removing my helmet first, and them pulling my shoes off, sitting down on the bed next to me. I was laying face first in the mattress and didn't care, but Mark lifted me up and moved me into a more comfortable position, laying down next to me and massaging my back. I moaned, sounding almost obscene, and still not caring. He grinned. Jack chuckled. I flipped him off, too tired to do anything else and everyone got comfortable, sitting wherever they wanted. We were just talking and goofing off, but it was fun. Eventually, Freddie said he was getting hungry, so we all ordered dinner from the restaurant again. By the time it came, I had recovered enough to sit up and eat, leaning on Mark the whole time. He grinned and kissed me after I finished. I smiled back and flopped back down as he got up to get rid of our empty plates. We turned on the TV and found Frozen playing. I groaned, but Mark and Jack started dancing around, so we left it on. Within a few minutes, Mark settled back down next to me and I fell asleep.

I woke up a few hours later, with everyone except Mark gone. He grinned at me. "I sent them back to their rooms after the movie. You were really tired. I 'borrowed' your key, and left for my room, following Jack and Signe, who I made sure saw me. I waited about half and hour, peeked out and saw the coast was clear, and brought my stuff back here. I tucked it all in the closet, so even if someone shows up early, I can just duck out and no one will know for sure." He kissed my forehead. "Now go back to sleep. You still look exhausted." I smiled sleepily and cuddled in closer to him, going back to sleep immediately. The next time I woke up, it would be morning.


	11. PAX East Day Four*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last day of the convention rolls around. How are you going to spend it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I'm having some health issues at the moment, making it hard to write. I promise, I have not abandoned any of my writings however!
> 
> Reminder * after the title means NSFW contents ahead. SMUT WARNING!!

I woke up quite early the next morning, snuggled close to Mark, who had his arm draped around me. I glanced at the clock, thinking. It was six fifteen. Everyone usually showed up around nine. I grinned and leaned over, kissing Mark. His eyes fluttered open as I deepened the kiss. He smiled at me dazed when I finally let him go. "Babe, I love it when you do that, but what time is it?"

I grinned at him. "Six fifteen. But I am awake and thought you might want to get in a little quality time with me this morning. I mean, I'm leaving tomorrow and our friends usually get here around nine, so..." I let my voice trail off. Then I leaned in and whispered in his ear in my version of a sexy voice "I think we should make the most of the time we have right now, Mr. Fischbach. Who knows when we will be able to actually see each other in person again?" I wiggled slightly next to him. He reached over and grabbed me, grinning.

"My hot girlfriend woke me up for morning sex. What could be better? Well, other than not having to know she's leaving the next day anyway. Of course I want to spend quality time with you." He leaned over and started kissing me. Before long we both sat up, pulling each others pajamas off. When he was gloriously naked I started running my hands all over his body, changing my kisses to gently nip and bite at his bottom lip. He growled and lifted my shirt off. His eyes immediately grew darker, changing from a medium brown to a dark chocolate color and his pupils getting large. He reached for me, pulling me into his lap. His dick twitched under me as he pulled me in, growing harder and bigger by the second. I made a slightly embarrassing mewling sound as he grabbed my breasts. My hands found his chest and stayed there now, gently tracing his chest muscles and circling his nipples, which were two tiny stiff peaks. Mark responded by rubbing my breasts more and grinding on me slightly, leaving me aching and ready for more. I whimpered, needing more contact. Mark leaned forward and started trailing kisses down my neck, onto my shoulders, and down my chest, licking and leaving small hickeys in places we knew people wouldn't see. I moved my hips as he took my left nipple his his mouth, teasing and sucking, making me pant and go mindless with need. I guess my hip motions were enough to get his attention because he twitched, his whole body spasming for a few seconds before he moved over to lavish attention on my right nipple. I suddenly felt like all my blood had been turned into lava, boiling up in me and making me feel overheated and melty. I shifted my hips slightly and started grinding hard. Mark moaned and released my breast, throwing his head back at the sensations now running through both of us. I growled slightly as he lifted me up, moving me off his lap, laying me down on the bed. He looked down at me almost worshipfully, doing nothing to cool my fevered blood. I reached out and grabbed him, taking his manhood in my hands and running light fingers all over. He groaned and leaned forward, forcing me to release him as he lined up with my entrance. At the last second, he remembered to grab a condom from the drawer next to the bed, where I had placed the box two nights previous. Jack had only been teasing when he made the comment about me being prepared to get lucky, but it was correct. I always brought protection, just in case someone I knew needed it, needing it very rarely myself. Mark rolled the condom down his length, before coming back over to me, teasing me with the head of his dick, running it up and down my very wet slit. I whined deep in my throat before pulling back slightly. He followed me forward, continuing to tease until I waited until he was perfectly aligned and thrust my hips forward, forcing him inside of me. We both moaned at the sensation. He began to slide in further until he was buried in me completely. I felt amazing and just enjoyed the feeling of being filled up so completely by this man. After a minute he leaned forward and kissed me again, I shuddered and started moving my hips, wanting more. He obliged and we picked up a steady rhythm. We were slowly picking up speed, losing ourselves in the feelings and each other. I was getting close and I could tell Mark was as well. We were going at it hard and fast now and I shift just slightly under him, causing him to change angle just enough so he was now hitting that magic spot inside of me. I went completely mindless, calling out his name repeatedly in a broken whisper. Suddenly, with great force, I came, knocking Mark over that edge as well. He groaned as he called my name out, his hips stuttering. He collapsed on top of me. My orgasm lasted quite a long time, and I could feel Mark getting hard again inside me. When it eventually stopped and the aftershocks were over, he rocked his hips just a little, testing the waters. I bucked under him, wildly. We picked up a rhythm again and were soon deep in round two. This time when we came, we both were limp and exhausted. He pulled out of me and I whimpered slightly, feeling sore. He hissed a little himself. He laid back on the mattress next to me for a few minutes, to tired to do anything else. 

I grinned at him. "So was that worth getting up early for?"

I chuckled. "Oh hell yeah. The only problem is I think you drained all of my strength babe." I chuckled and scooted over cuddling him. He wrapped his arms around me, kissing me sweetly. "I wish we didn't live so far apart. This is going to be hell." He rested his head on my shoulder, still hugging me in closely. We stayed like that for some time until I peeked my head up and looked at the clock. Eight thirty. I groaned.

"Mark, as much as I want to just stay like this all day, we have to move. Our friends are going to be here in half an hour or so. I don't care if they see you are here, but I really don't want to face them naked and sweaty. I need to go hit the shower." I looked at him. "Do you want to join me?"

He grinned and I could feel his interest rising. "Absolutely. Let's grab some clean clothes for when we get out." I walked over to my clothes and grabbed my gorgeous violet dress and some clean (and sexy) underwear. The dress was the exact color of my helmet, and draped over me in the exact right ways, making me feel sexy as hell. It was a little fancy for everyday wear, but I didn't care, wanting to look good today. I carried my clothes into the bathroom, still completely naked. I grinned when I saw Mark doing the same thing. He turned on the water and adjusted the temperature before stepping in. I followed immediately. We both groaned a bit as the warm water hit our sore bodies and we just let it stream over us for a few seconds without moving. I leaned forward, brushing against Mark slightly as I grabbed the soap. It was an accident, but Mark responded by grabbing me and pushing me against the wall, grinding on me. I moaned into his mouth, making him shudder slightly. "God, babe are you trying to kill me? You're so hot, it blows my mind. How the hell are you still single?"

I chuckled. "Ma-ark." My voice broke as I said his name. I swallowed thickly and tried again. "Mark, I never have time to date. Though to be fair, this is by far the hottest sex I have ever had. You're incredible." He covered my mouth with his again and ran his wet body against mine, sliding up and down. He growled and lined up with my entrance again, diving in quickly as I whimpered and moaned almost obscenely into his mouth. I panted at the sensations flooding me once more, the cold tile behind my back, the hot, hard body of Mark driving into me in front, the warm water lubricating all our movements, and the deep thrusting into my core by the man who I suddenly realized I loved. It was more than just a crush. I flat out loved him. It was much too soon, but there was no escaping the fact. Mark continued to screw me until I came again, slumping into him. He released me and pulled out, still hard and I leaned down and gave him a blow job, tasting myself on his cock. He came within moments. We both stood under the water, letting it revive us a bit before we washed each other, non-sexually, so we were clean. When we were done, we hopped out and started getting dressed. I put on my underwear as soon as I was dried off. Mark's eyes turned lustful as soon as he saw me in them, but he controlled himself. I smiled at him and pulled the dress on, adjusting it until it hung just right. He was nearly dressed as well. I fixed my hair and grabbed my shoes, stepping out to let him finish getting ready. I tossed a blanket over the very rumpled bed, smoothing away most of the evidence of our morning. I smiled at sat down on the edge of the bed. Mark came out of the bathroom a few moments later, smiling as he came over to join me. We cuddled, innocently until I heard a knock on the door. I stood up and went to open it, letting all our friends in. They grinned hugely when they saw Mark was already here. I went back over to him and settled back down beside him cuddling. If his hand on my butt squeezed a few times, I wasn't going to complain. I rested my head on his shoulder. Signe smiled and winked at me. I smiled back. Her smile widened. As soon as everyone got in my room, Mark suggested we all order some food before heading back for the final day of the convention. Everyone agreed and Mark gathered the orders, stepping away from me to call room service. Signe came over and sat down on the other side from where Mark had been.

As soon as she sat down, Jack came over and joined her, snuggling in close. She swatted him and I laughed. She leaned in and whispered "So?" I smiled happily, not saying anything. "Did Mark come back last night after he sent everyone away, or did he just come by early this morning? He left at the same time we did, but when we went to his door at eight thirty he was gone. Was he here?"

I grinned. "Yeah. He was here. And that's all I'm saying right now. I might want to talk about it more later, but there are too many other people here now." Jack looked vaguely hurt. "I didn't mean you, Jack. It would be too easy to be overheard right now is all. And I think I need to get some help sorting out some things." Signe looked a little concerned, as did Jack. "It's nothing bad, I swear! I just want to find out a few things before this thing goes much farther. And maybe get a few opinions." Both of them visibly relaxed as soon as I said that. Mark came back over and sat down at nearly the same time.

"So babe, what are you talking about over here?" 

I grinned at him, snuggling in close. "I'll give you two guesses."

I smirked at me. "Um, your secret former life as a pole dancer?" I laughed as I shook my head. "Okay. How about What you want to do for the rest of the day with me?" I booped him on the nose and leaned over kissing him. He grinned when I pulled back. "Did I win?'

I leaned in and kissed him again, ignoring the hoots and catcalls from our friends. Then I whispered directly into his ear "Not quite, but you still get a reward. We were talking about this relationship. Don't worry, I didn't say much." 

He grinned at me and pulled me in for another long, deep kiss. "Feels like I won." as he broke the kiss, I leaned against him again, feeling a little weak. He looked a little dazed himself. When Jack asked him a question, his response was "Hummminu?"

Everyone else in the room laughed. Jack turned to me. "Now you've done it. You completely fried his circuits. He can't even talk properly. How's he going to work now?"

I giggled. Mark smiled down at me and shook himself slightly. "Sorry. What was the question?" 

Everyone teased Mark and I for the rest of the morning until we got to the cars for PAX. Today I rode with Felix, Marzia, Mark, Signe, and Jack. Signe rode in Jack's lap and I rode in Mark's. It was a lot of fun, even if it was slightly crowded. When we got out, I smoothed my dress back down and straightened my helmet. Signe was standing behind me and started giggling. I turned to look at her and Jack started laughing. "What's so funny guys? Did I sit in a mess? Is my hair sticking out funny? What?"

Signe leaned in. "You have a number of hickeys on your back that I don't remember seeing there yesterday. My, my. Just what were you doing to get those." I blushed under my helmet, mentally cursing. Mark had heard as well and was also blushing. We were led inside and taken to the green room, waiting for any scheduled activities for the day. I was free all day, but I didn't know about the guys. When we compared notes, we found that all of us were free all day. I shook my head as everyone else grinned. I was glad I still had my helmet on when someone opened the door just then.

A tall man walked in, one I didn't know, followed by a couple of members of the Game Grumps. Mark waved and grinned. Arin and Dan walked over to chat with him. Since I was sitting on his lap again and he had his arms wrapped securely around me, I couldn't even get away. Mark introduced me. "Dan, Arin, this is [Y/N], aka the infamous [Y/Y/N], destroyer of the Internet and my girlfriend. Babe, this is Dan Avidan and Arin Hanson, of the Game Grumps." I shook their hands and apologized for not taking the helmet off, gesturing to the other man who had come in in front of them. They grinned an nodded.

The unknown man cleared his throat. "Well, now that our biggest gaming YouTubers are all here together, we have one final request. I'm the director of PAX East this year and want to thank all of you for making this our most successful year ever. Now please, before you all scatter to leave for your respective homes, we would like to have you all do one final event, a stage takeover. The main stage is going to be empty at noon and we would love it if you could all go hang out there and just play a few games. We will provide whatever you need and of course, lunch will be on us afterwards. Wherever you want to go. Will you do it?" 

I felt everyone look at me. I sat up a little and turned to Mark. "I'm game if you are going to be there. I don't feel at all panicked today. In fact, I haven't ever since my q and a yesterday." Mark looked relieved and grinned nodding. Felix, Wade, Bob, and Jack all agreed. I spoke up again. "Damn it. Do I have to be the only woman on stage again?" 

The director looked startled as Molly, Signe, and Marzia laughed. He quickly extended invitations to them as well, and they accepted. Dan and Arin also accepted. The director looked extremely happy and stepped out leaving us alone. Signe stepped over and closed the door, locking it so no one could barge in again. I took off my helmet as soon as the door shut. 

Mark leaned in and started kissing me again as soon as my head was clear. "Mark, stop that. It's bad enough Jack and Signe found hickeys all over my back from you. Control yourself man." I winked at him, turning back to Arin and Dan. "Sorry about not taking that off sooner. I'm really cautious about who I show my face to, and I had no idea who that guy was. Actually, I'm really glad I didn't show him my face. I think he would have taken a picture and tried to reveal my identity as a promotion for PAX." 

Dan grinned at me. "I like you. You're smart and funny. And you must be pretty patient to hang out with Jack all the time, not to mention putting up with Mark." He laughed a little as Mark looked outraged. "Yeah, definitely patient. And I caught some of your panels. You're really cool under pressure."

I blushed. "Thanks. Everybody keeps telling me that, but I fall apart as soon as the events are over, half the time. I'm prone to panic attacks. Mark, Jack, and Signe have all had to help me recover multiple times this weekend. I was actually looking forward to being done. Oh well. At least we can just hang out and we don't have to take questions again. That's always what freaks me out."

Arin laughed and nodded. "Yeah. That can be rough, especially if you have something you aren't oversharing with the world." He shook his head ruefully. "I can't believe how well you're doing and how level headed you seem. I was expecting someone completely different. Someone who acted like the world owed them something."

I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head sideways slightly. "Why? Did you get that impression from something I did? Oh god, I hope not." Mark patted me on the back.

Arin shook his head again. "No, not at all. You're just not what I thought. I made some assumptions without ever seeing any of your content, based solely on how fast your channel has grown. I kind of thought you were going to be all pandering and do anything for attention. But that seems to be about the opposite of what you want. Am I right?"

I nodded, as did Jack and Mark, who were also listening. Jack jumped in. "She's so damn shy, it's almost painful. Every time she looks at her channel numbers or Twitter, we have ta help her over a panic attack. She wasn't ready for this kind of channel growth, but who tha fook would be?" Jack sounded almost angry on my behalf and Signe put her hand on his arm, trying to calm him down. I leaned into Mark's chest again, tucking my head under his chin. 

Dan saw me do this and grinned. "How the hell can you do that? I know you're taller than he is by a good bit!"

Mark chuckled, a rumbling sensation and noise filling my ears against his chest. "She's very flexible." I straightened up and smacked his arm as everyone in the room laughed.

"Mark!" He was blushing like mad, having realized exactly what he said. "Well, I guess now everyone knows what we were doing this morning. Not that they hadn't already guessed." I rolled my eyes, making Molly and Signe giggle. The guys all laughed. Marzia was just smiling at us, looking happy. 

Dan wiggled his eyebrows and made suggestive movements for a minute, trying to make me blush, but I had steeled myself. No blush came, much to Signe's amazement. We all kidded around for the rest of the morning. I got to know Dan and Arin more and they me. Mostly Mark and I just cuddled. At one point, near eleven thirty, Felix announced we were making him sick from all the sweetness and love. I looked at the time, stood up, and walked over to my helmet, stepping behind the screen to fix my hair. After I was neatened up, I put my helmet back on and walked out. Just as I stepped back out, the door rattled and someone knocked. Molly opened it. It was our security escort. We were to be led to the stage early and start playing as soon as we got there. The crowd would filter in as the event got underway. Mark grabbed my hand and everyone formed a group. I was towards the back, with Dan and Arin behind me, everyone else in front of me. Mark was beside me and he dropped my hand in order to pull me over and wrap his arm around my waist as we walked. It was sweet and I didn't mind at all. I heard Arin comment about the number of hickeys on my shoulders and back, wondering just how long Mark and I had actually been alone together. Mark turned and gave him a dirty look. I leaned over and whispered "Ignore him. If he gets out of line, I always have my hot sauce." Mark choked slightly as he burst out laughing. I helped him keep from tripping and we made it to the stage without incident. As soon as we were settled, a volunteer came out with Cards Against Humanity, making half our group groan. I grinned beneath my helmet. Dan and Arin looked confused. "What? Why don't you want to play this?" Dan asked.

Mark leaned against me. "[Y/Y/N] is killer at this game. She obliterated all of us on stage a few days ago." The volunteer came back with FUNemployed and stepped off stage again. The guys perked up a bit. At least now we had options. We decided to start with FUNemployed. We played, ignoring the crowd as they filed in, filling the auditorium. We were all miked and we knew everyone would be able to hear us. We started to get really into the game. After a little while however, we had run through the whole deck and decided it was time to move on to Cards Against Humanities. Everyone except Mark tried to get me to promise to go easy on them, but I told everyone the same thing, no promises. Mark looked at me finally, asking me "Babe, please, if you have to destroy me, leave me some shred of dignity. Please?" 

I grinned under the helmet. "We'll see Markimoo. Probably I will, since you asked so nicely. I might even help you a little, occasionally." I looked around the group. "Actually, why don't we play as teams? Or couples. Bob, Dan, and Arin, I'm sorry you don't have an automatic partner, but..." I trailed off watching Arin and Dan fake kiss. The audience hooted. "Alright then, never mind. Arin I hope your wife doesn't mind this." I heard Mark snort. I turned back to Bob. "Do you want to pair with someone else's group, or play as your own team, Bob?"

Bob grinned. "Actually, I'll play on my own. I have the feeling teams aren't going to be that helpful for the most part." He looked at me consideringly. "Unless..." He trailed off, not finishing his thought. I shrugged. Mark and I scooted in even closer together. The audience hooted and cheered.

Game play started and I held the cards, looking them over. I looked at Mark and pointed to my choice, he thought it over and nodded. We played it and won the point. And so it went for most of the rounds. I would point to one or two cards and look at Mark. He would think about it and point out his choice if it was different. Eventually we would decide and nearly all the points came to our team. Arin and Dan were astonished. Arin pointed out "Mark's never this good a player. How is he winning?"

Jack grinned and groaned as we won yet another point. "It's not him. I think she's just humoring him. She could win alone against all of us. This way she doesn't have ta feel bad about destroying Mark though." He winked at me. "I've got her figured out."

Eventually the director of PAX East came out and ended the session, letting us go back to the green room again. We trouped back and settled in. I kept the helmet on knowing we would have a guest shortly, and indeed we did. The director came in and asked what we wanted for our meal and we all decided on sushi. A very large order was placed and he personally thanked us all again. 

After he left, I wandered over to the boxing area. I was slightly staggered by the number of boxes for everyone. There were probably close to a hundred between us. I looked a little closer, curiosity getting the better of me. Holy shit! Way too many of them were for me. I opened the flaps on one, peeking inside. It was mostly full of letters, although there were a number of items fans had made me as well, including a few small pop vinyl figures of myself in my helmet. I grabbed one and grinned. It was adorable. I looked to see who made it and found the letter that went with it. I grabbed it and a number of other letters, taking them over to sit down with Mark again. I set the figure on my knee and picked up the letter reading my first ever fan letter. It was amazing. The writer, a young woman, told me I was an inspiration to her because I was a woman and I was keeping up with some of her other YouTube heroes, even PewDiePie. She also told me she felt like I was an extremely genuine person, letting my real personality shine through. I smiled as I read, feeling happy and proud. When I got to the end and she told me I inspired her to take up art again, which is why she made the pop vinyl of me, I cried a little. I had never had anyone just tell me I inspired them to make something that awesome before. Mark heard me sniffle and took my helmet off gently. I finished reading the letter, brushing away tears. He hugged me and asked me if I was okay. I looked up. Jack, Signe, Felix, and Mark were all watching me, clearly afraid I was starting to panic.

I gave a watery chuckle. "Sorry guys. This fan letter was so sweet..." I grabbed a tissue and wiped my eyes. "She told me I inspired her on several ways and I got her back into art. She made me this." I held up the figure. "I didn't mean to cry. I just, well, I never had anything like this happen before. These aren't sad tears." Mark kissed my shoulder and took the figure from me to look at. Jack grinned and nodded, as did Felix. Signe looked at me and came over, giving me a hug.

"I'm proud of you, [y/n]. You're holding up really well. We were kind of all expecting a melt down today after the last few days, but you seem so calm and happy. It's good to see. When you started crying, we kind of thought it was about you noticing the last stage session had overfilled the auditorium and broke the livestream." I looked at her and shook my head. "Good. Now, dry your eyes and blow your nose. Sushi's gonna be here any minute!"

I smiled at her, a genuine happy smile. "Thanks Signe. No, I'm not freaked out. I think my freak out meter is busted, at least for now. Too much has gone on this weekend. I just want to spend time with my friends and cuddle Mark until we have to leave tomorrow. Did you leave my car at the airport in long term parking?" She nodded. "Good. One of us can drive us all home then and we don't have to worry about trying to find a cab or uber and paying that extra fee." I leaned back into Mark. "As much as I hate leaving everyone, especially Mark, I can't wait to get home. It feels like I haven't slept in my own bed in a year." I heard Mark chuckle. I leaned over and kissed him before grabbing my helmet and settling it on my head once more.

Not long after there was a knock on the door. Our main table had been cleared and we opened the door to see three delivery men carry in our food. Apparently, they had ordered lots of everything, including appetizers and salads for us. I grinned happily and thanked the delivery men. One of them goggled when he recognized who we were and insisted on getting a selfie with the group. We happily obliged and then he shyly asked me for an autograph. I chuckled as I signed expecting him to ask everyone else as well, but instead he grinned and raced out, almost squealing with delight. My jaw dropped and I heard someone behind me choke. I turned to look and it was Felix, grinning like a goofball and trying not to laugh. The other two delivery men also wanted autographs from a few of our group so whoever got asked signed. They both wanted one from me, much to everyone's amusement and my surprise. As soon as they were gone, I sat down, hard, and took off my helmet feeling stunned. Jack saw my expression and grinned. "Surprised? Ye know yer popular. Why are ye so shocked?"

I looked up, feeling confused. "But, you and Mark are more popular. And Felix is way more famous. Why did they all want my autograph? And the first guy, he was so excited, he was practically squealing as he left. I mean he didn't even ask for anyone else's autograph, just mine..." I shook my head, trying to wrap my head around it. Jack laughed a little.

Mark pulled me over to him, sitting me in his lap. "Babe, don't panic, but actually your channel might be bigger than mine right now. You past Jack yesterday, remember?" My eye bugged out. I had heard the numbers, but they hadn't really registered. It hadn't clicked what they meant. "Are you okay babe? Breathe."

I was breathing normally and not panicked, I just was shocked. I swallowed and opened my mouth to say something. Jack and Signe saw the look on my face and covered their ears. "HOLY SHITBALLS!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!?!" Mark looked stunned for several seconds as did most of the rest of the room. Signe and Jack grinned.

Dan started laughing first. Before long everyone else had joined in, even me. "Dude, who knew Jack could find the only person on the planet louder than him and make her join YouTube? How is that even possible?" Dan doubled over laughing. "I mean, I mean, dude, seriously? Why even give her a mic on stage?" 

I blushed feeling slightly embarrassed. "Sorry" I whispered. Mark was the only one who heard me. He leaned over and kissed me again, pulling me over just slightly so I was next to him, giving him a better angle. I smiled as he grinned into my mouth, breaking the kiss.

"My girlfriend." He said it possessively, like he was just telling everyone to back off. "She can be really quiet too, Dan. But when she is surprised she can be really, really loud. " He looked at me and leaned into my hair, appearing to leave a lingering sweet kiss, but really whispering "I'm glad that didn't apply to the bed or shower this morning." I fought down a blush and only half succeeded, but no one seemed to notice anything amiss. I giggled a little and leaned into him, just feeling his warmth and calm, something I needed this weekend, more than ever before.

Jack's stomach growled loudly. We all grinned. I sat up and said "Um, why don't we all sit down and eat? The food is here, after all." We all started passing food around, taking what we wanted. I ended up with a ton of food. I had grabbed one of the sunomono salads, a dish of pickled cucumber, crab, and vinegar, which I loved. I also had a cup of miso soup and an enormous plate of sushi, mostly consisting of eel, octopus, and crab rolls, but I had also grabbed some soft shell crab tempura. Basically, all my favorites. Mark was sitting next to me on the bench along the wall, where the table had been moved today, and he scooted as close to me as possible. While I was grabbing food, I had also grabbed quite a bit of wasabi and ginger. Mark eyes me nervously. When I saw him eyeing my food, I grinned. "Relax Mark. No hot sauce today. Although, I do like to make spicy mayo for California rolls when I make those at home."

Arin looked over at me. "You cook?" I nodded grinning.

Jack chimed in. "Yeah, she's a great cook. Actually, that's saved Signe and I a number of times." He blushed a little and added "We, um, sometimes forget to shop for food or eat."

I laughed. "Jack, calm down. We've told this story already, even on stage. It's no big deal. You guys are my friends and do a lot for me too. Hell, if it weren't for you, I wouldn't be here right now. Or have met Mark." I paused and looked around. "Or any of the rest of you for that matter. And I would probably be locked in my apartment going crazy, never interacting with people at all, face to face." I sighed as Mark snuggled closer, wrapping an arm around me. "I'm too shy."

Signe grinned at me. "That's true. I'm glad to see you can own up to it at least. But you bring a lot into our lives as well. That's why we're friends. But enough, what are we doing for the rest of the day? I vote we all go out tonight and do something fun." She looked at me and bit her lip. "Are you going to need to wear the helmet in public, if you're with us?" 

I thought about it. "Yeah, I better. With only a few of you, I might be okay, but the whole group? Someone is going to want a picture at some point and it will get out and someone will figure it out." I shivered at the thought, making Mark cuddle me closer for a few seconds. "Besides, if Mark and I are seen together in public, and I'm not dressed as [Y/Y/N], people are going to send him hate, assuming he's with someone else." I kissed his cheek. "I'd rather him not have to deal with that because of me. And we aren't exactly, um, subtle."

That made everyone laugh. Mark winked at me and whispered "We can be babe." I shushed him before anyone heard. I didn't want to be subtle. I wanted to be snuggly and somewhat obnoxiously sweet. I hadn't had a boyfriend in a long time and low level PDA was a definite perk. I wasn't going to take it too far, but stealing kisses, holding hands, and snuggles, oh hell yes. I grinned.

Several suggestions were tossed about. None really sounded great to any of us, until finally I just suggested we all go to the restaurant downstairs at the hotel and reserve a room, have a formal dinner together and have a gaming competition in my suite afterwards on all of our laptops? I suggested several games we could trade off on, and everyone agreed that sounded great, including Dan and Arin, who wanted to join us. I texted my friends and Chris checking to see if they wanted to join us for dinner. Chris jumped on it, but told me he would have to leave right after, to catch his flight home. Freddie, Carmen, Alex, and George all agreed as well. I smiled and told my friends who else would be joining us. Everyone except Dan and Arin nodded smiling. Felix explained who they were and told them it would cool, but also warned them to prepare for some possible fangirl and fanboy squealing. I chuckled. Yeah, that was definitely going to happen. When we finished eating, we packed up the leftover sushi and salads, putting them in cooler bags, and took them back to the hotel. I went up to my suite, Mark following, while everyone else went back to their rooms to get ready for dinner and just have a quiet afternoon. I put our leftover food in the mini fridge and Mark and I settled on the bed, cuddling and touching. We made out for a while, deciding not to go any farther right now, when someone could come to my door at any time. It got a bit hot and heavy, but we managed to control ourselves. We had booked dinner for six o'clock, but people started getting to my room just after four. Mark and I separated enough to answer the door, but snuggled again as soon as people came in. No one said a word, but I got several winks and Mark friends all came over and patted him on the back when they thought I wasn't paying attention. After everyone was here, I looked at Mark. "They're all so subtle aren't they? I swear, I think we have the world's largest chaperone party ever." Everyone except Mark and I had to blush at that.

Jack looked at me and grinned. "We just didn't want ye to get lonely, [y/n]." I raised and eyebrow at him. He waggled his.

Suddenly, A devilish look crossed my face. I lowered my voice and said sweetly "Jack, I'll remember this. Especially since you and Signe live next door..." I looked at Mark, who looked astonished. I bit back a giggle. "I won't even need the hot sauce. I'll just drop in unannounced. At all hours. No matter what I hear..."

Jack and Signe blushed as brightly as the sun. Mark leaned over and whispered "That was so bad... ...I loved it. It certainly shut him up in a hurry. Have you walked in on things before for them?"

I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, amused. My eyes danced merrily as I debated what to tell him. I hadn't, but I had heard plenty of things through the walls. Jack and Signe were both loud, and the walks just weren't that thick. I had a pair of noise cancelling headphones in my bedroom so I could avoid overhearing just such a performance. I ended up not answering him, just kissing his nose instead. He growled at me and I giggled winking at him. He threw me on my back and started tickling me, making me shriek with laughter. He was still growling and tickling me when the next group of people got here, including my brother. We had left the door open, so they just came in. Chris made a face at our antics and pretended to barf. Everyone else was grinning except Jack and Signe who were still watching me, a little nervously. Carmen, who had just come in as well, recognized the look. "Uh oh. Did JackSepticEye and Wiishu piss off [Y/Y/N]? It looks like you're expecting her vengeance. I recognize the look." She shuddered. "Just beg for it to be over quickly and pray it's not hot sauce." Mark heard the words 'hot sauce' and stopped tickling me. I sat up, trying to straighten my dress and breath again. I was still giggling and it took me a minute to gather myself.

I looked around once I was back to normal and saw everyone's faces. "What?" Jack looked almost scared. "Did I do something weird? What happened?"

Chris finally laughed. "Uh, Carmen was reminding everyone about your love of hot sauce. I think she scared them a little."

I blinked. "But I already told them about that. Why are they all panicking now?"

Felix shook his head. "Actually, I think Jack and Signe are the ones afraid. They realized you could get revenge at any time for intruding on your private boyfriend time. To be honest, we all realized suddenly, you might truly have just wanted some alone time with him. I think he heard Carmen say 'hot sauce' and it spooked him a little after the spicy kiss yesterday."

I looked at Mark, questioningly. He nodded, clearly embarrassed. I pulled him close, hugging him. "You little doofus, I don't want to damage you." I paused as everyone chuckled. "At least not that way." My brother made a gagging noise again. I grinned over at him. "Hey, enter at your own risk has always been the motto of my room. You should know that by now. Oh, Dan, Arin, the goober over there making gagging noises is my youngest brother Chris. Chris, this is Dan and Arin of the Game Grumps. They are friends of Jack and Mark." I snuggled into Mark again and whispered "Seriously, the hot sauce was not intentional sweetie. I'm sorry it happened." I kissed him sweetly and he smiled at me, relaxing. I whispered again, "Believe me, if I want to hurt you, you'll know it. I might wear you out, and drive you crazy, but I don't want to hurt you." His smile got even wider, turning into a grin as he hugged me.

"Good. And you have my permission to try to wear me out completely tonight as soon as we can chase these losers off." I giggled a little. No one was paying attention to us now, instead watching Chris try not to hyperventilate as he met more YouTubers he was a fan of. Carmen, Alex, and George were also trying to play it cool, but failing. I grinned and introduced them as well.

Eventually, we all settled down, everyone just chatting comfortably until it was time to head down for dinner. I was sitting in between Mark legs, snuggled against him, my head resting on his shoulder. He had his hands around my waist, hugging me. We were facing the room, but not exactly in the center of the conversation. At ten minutes before six, I looked up at Mark and told him I needed to go fix my hair and put my shoes on. He pouted slightly but let me go. "I'll miss you babe."

I rolled my eyes at him, as Jack chuckled, having overhear him. "Mark. The bathroom is literally thirty feet or less from where you are sitting. You'll be able to see me the whole time unless I close the door to use the toilet. Chill. You're starting to sound needy." Secretly, I was thrilled at his words, but I was trying to clamp down on that part, hard. Signe winked and got up from Jack's lap to come with me, making him protest as well. I laughed. "Oh, no! It's contagious!" Everyone else chuckled as well. I stepped in the bathroom and Signe followed closing the door. I looked over at her. "What's up?"

"Are you and Mark..." She trailed off, trying to decide how to say this. "Are you two sleeping together tonight? I mean, should Jack and I back off after the gaming session and leave you two alone, or do you want us to stick around so you can kick him out before we leave tomorrow? I know it will be a lot harder for you to let him go if you sleep with him, but I mean, it's pretty clear the two of you are going to get together. You are really good together, by the way. Other than occasionally melting his brain, you keep him grounded and he keeps you calm. And the two of you clearly care about each other. I just want to know, so I can tell Jack what the plan is and you don't have to torture us later."

I swallowed. "Mark's staying the night. We already slept together. I know it's going to be a bitch leaving tomorrow. I have never felt this close to anyone before, but at least we already Skype everyday." I smiled crookedly. 

Signe looked at me for a long moment as I brushed my hair. "Oh my god. You're in love with him, aren't you?" I blinked back sudden tears and looked down at the counter.

"Damn it Signe. How can I lie to myself if my best friend can guess my feelings so easily?" The tears fell easily, landing in the sink. 

Signe came over and put a hand on my shoulder. "Oh, [y/n]. At least you know he really cares about you too. I mean, I'm pretty sure he was in love with you before we even got here. Jack thinks so too. You two will figure it out. Like you said, it's not like you don't talk everyday. And even if you lived in the same city, with your schedules, I doubt you could both see each other everyday anyway." I nodded, feeling a little better. I struggled to pull myself together. "Is this what you hinted at wanting to talk about earlier?"

I nodded again and wiped away the last of the tears. "Yeah. I was hoping you could help me figure out my feelings, but I guess you just did. Now what am I going to do?" I grabbed my hairbrush again and finished brushing pulling my hair up in a fancy french twist that would fit under my helmet and matched my outfit better than a low bun. I grabbed my shoes and put the helmet on, covering the last traces of my tears and Signe looked at me.

"I don't know, sweetie. We'll figure it out though. Are you ready?" I nodded and we emerged ready to leave for dinner. Jack shot Signe a questioning look, which I could easily read. Her look back at him promised answers later. I looked over at Mark, who came over and hugged me as soon as he saw me leave the bathroom.

"You were gone an awfully long time. Did you and Signe have a good girl talk?" I looked at him. He grinned, wickedly handsome and right next to me, my heart melted a little more each time I saw him. He leaned in even closer. "Jack came over and talked to me as well. I think they just wanted to separate us for a few minutes, and were waiting to spring their trap. I hope she didn't upset you too much." He lifted his hand from around my waist and raised my helmet just enough to kiss me. "I hate that thing sometimes. But I love the person who made it and how beautiful both it and its creator are." He sighed for a split second, leaning into me, before stiffening as he realized what he said. It took me a minute too. When it finally registered, I leaned into him feeling a little faint from relief. 

I turned to face him, taking my helmet off again. I leaned in and breathed in his ear, barely a whisper, "I love you too, Mark. I was actually talking to Signe about that and trying not to freak out." I rest me head on his shoulder and hugged him. He looked like he had been hit by a two by four, completely, stunned and unmoving. Then he melted into me, a huge grin on his face. We stayed just hugging for several seconds until Jack came over and tapped us on the shoulder.

I looked up. "What now, Jack? Can't you see we're having a moment here?"

Jack actually looked a little apologetic. "We have ta go. Everyone else left as soon as Mark professed his love for ye. They wanted ta give ye some privacy, but they made Signe and I wait for ye. Come on, they're all waiting down by the elevator. Ye can figure this out later. Now put yer helmet on and let's go."

I nodded. Mark let me go a little sadly, immediately wrapping an arm around my waist. He helped me put my helmet on straight, being careful not to muss my hair. as soon as we were ready, we turned and headed out, down the hall. We joined the group at the elevator, hearing much teasing and getting elbows and pats on thr back. Wade shook his head at Mark. I looked at him and he grinned. "I thought you were smart, too."

I grinned in my helmet. Mark growled "Shut up Wade." Molly came over and grabbed him by the ear, dragging him away. Dinner was a lot of fun, everyone relaxed and chatting. Mark and I still got plenty of teasing, at least at first. When we ordered, I got a steak and I asked the waiter to bring a bottle of the hottest hot sauce they had for it. He smiled and nodded, clearly thinking I was going to be doing a challenge or making someone else eat it. Mark heard me and ordered a glass of milk along with his food, making me laugh. No one else heard my request except Chris, who, since he knew me well, didn't think anything of it. The waiter brought our salads out, placing them on the table with a flourish. We ate, chatting until the next course came. As soon as my main course arrived, the waiter put the bottle of hot sauce down next to my plate. I thanked him and picked it up to read the label. It was a fairly spicy blend, but not one I couldn't handle for sure. I tried a little on the end of the tine of my fork, testing it before I applied a liberal dose to my steak, veggies, and rice. I recapped it and mixed the hot sauce into the rice and veggies before I dug in. Everything was really good, even if I had asked for only plain steamed vegetables and brown rice. The hot sauce seasoned it up marvelously, and I only needed to add some salt and black pepper to make it perfect. Mark nearly choked when he saw me reach for the black pepper grinder.

"Mark, are you okay, sweetheart?"

He swallowed his food. "Yeah. I was just surprised to see you put pepper on top of hot sauce I guess."

Everyone turned to look at me. Carmen blinked slowly, twice. Alex's jaw dropped. Chris shrugged and went back to eating. He was used to this kind of thing. I blushed slightly, the lower half of my face just visible below my helmet. Felix decide he was going to come look at the hot sauce and stood up, walking over and grabbing the bottle before sitting back down. He looked it over and whistled. Jack took it next. "Sweet Jaysus. This has ghost peppers. How can you eat this?" I grinned. Mark looked nervous. 

I turned to him. "Don't worry, Mark. I'll eat some mint ice cream for dessert. That will take the spice out and I'll be kissable later." My brother groaned, reminding us he was eating, and everyone laughed, relaxing. Jack still eyed me nervously as I ate, but it really wasn't as hot as all that. I enjoyed my food and when I got to my steak, Jack and Mark both winced when they saw the hot sauce on my knife as I cut my steak up. I wiped it off on a piece of steak and ate happily. 

After we finished the main dinner, we ordered dessert. True to my word, I ordered a mint gelato with chocolate sauce. Mark grinned at me. "I am dating a volcano in human disguise I think. Jeez." I giggled. After dinner, Chris had to go so we all wished him goodbye and I promised to call him soon. We waved and left to get his things to get to the airport. The rest of the group headed back up to my suite. We started a gaming tournament, starting with Rocket League. I was on a team with Mark, Signe, and Jack, playing Bob, Wade, Felix, and Arin first. We won, but not by more than three points. We were all grinning waiting for the next round when we would be playing George, Alex, Molly, and Dan. Carmen stood up suddenly, grabbing her phone. She excused herself and we played the next round, again winning. Marzia and Freddie had opted out, just watching and Freddie started to get worried when Carmen didn't come back. He excused himself to go find her. A little while later, after we had switched games to Ultimate Chicken Horse, he came back with a weeping Carmen. I got up and went over to her immediately, hugging her. 

"Carmen, what happened?"

"He, he, he dumped me. He told me, if I didn't want to spend time with him this weekend, why had I dragged him along to this freak show in the first place. Then he mocked me for getting upset and started badmouthing you, not knowing it was someone I actually knew, calling you an attention whore and a lot of other things I can't even think about right now. When I said something back, telling him to shut up, that he didn't even know you, he slapped me and punched me several times. We were down in the lobby, because I had refused to get a room with him this weekend, wanting to hang out with my friends instead. The police just hauled him off for assault and disturbing the peace. Now I have to fly home and pack all my stuff up and move. I don't even have a job right now. My company got bought out two weeks ago and I was laid off last week. What am I going to do?" Alex, George, Freddie, and I surrounded her, all hugging her tight. I offered to let her fly out to visit me, knowing I had room, but she told me she didn't have a passport, so she couldn't right now. George offered to let her stay with him and his girlfriend for a little while, but warned her they had kind of a small place. She smiled crookedly and declined. Alex offered next. Carmen declined this even faster, with a shudder. "He's originally from Seattle and all his family still lives out there. I can't. He'll track me down. He was threatening to kill me as he was hauled off."

Freddie looked at her and pushed us aside a little. I let go immediately, knowing he had feelings for her that he had always tried to deny. Alex and George were more reluctant and I dragged them away, giving Freddie and Carmen at least a little privacy. I stepped just close enough to make sure no one interfered while they talked, but tried not to listen in, until I heard my name mentioned "...if [y/n] can do it, as shy as she is, I have to man up here. Carmen, I" Freddie swallowed and forced himself to continue "I love you. I have for years. Please, come stay with me. I have plenty of room and I can't stand the thought of you alone, scared, and unhappy. Please, don't make me beg." He lifted her chin slightly to look in her eyes and hugged her again, whispering to her. 

A few minutes later, Carmen had stopped crying, although she had not stopped hugging Freddie, much to Alex's and George's amazement. She turned back to the group and apologized. "Listen everyone, I'm really sorry. Um, I didn't mean for any of this to happen. Freddie and I are going to go. He's going to fly back to NY with me, to help me move my things and I'm going to go stay with him for a while. [Y/N], Alex, George, I'll talk to you soon okay? Bye everyone!" They left, not holding hands in our sight, but I knew they would be as soon as they got down the hall. Alex looked at the time and swore. Her flight was leaving tonight as well, so she excused herself to go pack and leave for the airport. George looked a little lost amongst so many YouTubers and excused himself soon after.

Mark looked over at me. "Did you know that she was going to go home with your other friend when she came back and told you what happened? You didn't seem at all surprised." 

I nodded. "Freddie has loved her forever and I always kind of suspected she had deeper feelings for him as well, but they were both in denial." I kissed Mark. "Love ya babe. I wish you were coming home with me." I sighed and snuggled into him, watching everyone else play. My other friends had opted to keep playing games and stay out of the little drama between Freddie and Carmen, trying to give them some privacy. 

Mark grinned at me. "I wish I was too. I don't exactly have a big enough video buffer right now though, and with my other projects..." He trailed off. I nodded.

"Yeah, I know. Between YouTube and my other job, I can't get away either for a little while."

Dan, Arin, and Felix stopped mid play to stare at me. Dan was the first to speak "Why do you still need another job? Are you trying to kill yourself?"

I laughed. "Guys, when I left, on vacation, before all this started, my channel was only around a half million subscribers and two weeks old." I shivered and Mark pulled me in closer, hugging me. "Thanks Mark. I had no idea any of this was going to happen and hadn't even started getting paid for YouTube yet. Or well, they had started paying me, but I hadn't gotten the first check yet. Why would I have quit my job, which I like very, very much, for that?"

Arin laughed. "Okay, well that at least makes some sense. But how did your channel get to be so big then. I didn't know if you've checked it today, but last I looked you were rapidly approaching the twenty million mark."

I stopped breathing, freezing up entirely. Mark shook my shoulder, telling me to breathe, but I couldn't hear him. My brain was roaring. I fainted, collapsing into Mark in a heap.

When I came to, Mark was holding me, staring into my face, worriedly. "Babe, breathe, please. Calm down and breathe. We can handle this." I followed his breathing, calming down enough to focus on what he was saying. He hugged me close. That calmed me down even more. Before long I was okay, if somewhat shaken. Jack, Felix and Signe were watching worried, ready to step in if I didn't calm down under Mark's care. I leaned into Mark, hugging him for all I was worth. After a minute he forced out a somewhat strained "Babe, I need to breathe too. You're a lot stronger than you look."

I chuckled weakly and loosened my grip so he could breathe again.He patted my shoulder soothingly. I looked up at his face. "I thought I was doing so much better. Damn it." A few angry tears escaped from the corner of my eye. I wiped them away. 

Mark kissed my hair. "Babe, you are doing great." He pulled me up so he could properly kiss me. After we broke the kiss, I sighed and grabbed my laptop, knowing I had to check for myself. I pulled up the live count ticker, whimpered into Mark's shoulder. His eyes were huge. "Wow. That's a big number. Felix, Jack come look at this." 

They came over and looked. I peeked again, watching the ticker disbelievingly. The last number was broken, just spinning constantly while the next two number clicked up at very fast and regular intervals. I had broken twenty two million and at the rate the number was climbing I wouldn't have been surprised to break thirty million by morning. I whimpered again and hid my face in Mark's side, unable to watch anymore. Felix was staring open mouthed. Jack swore impressively. I heard Danny say "Holy shit dude. I didn't know it could do that!"

I stayed stuck into Mark's side the rest of the evening. No one commented. Mark closed the counter and moved my laptop off the bed, putting it away for me. Before long, people started making excuses to leave, claiming to be tired, have an early flight, or in Bob's case wanting to go call Mandy. We said our goodbyes and soon it was down to just Jack, Signe, Mark, and I. It wasn't very late, and we were watching cartoons, but I saw Signe lean over and whisper something to Jack. He glanced at me before looking back at Signe. He raised an eyebrow. She whispered something else and stood up, sashaying away. Jack swallowed hard, watching her go. I grinned knowing they were about to leave and winked at Mark. I leaned over and whispered in his ear "I bet I know what's about to happen. Jack is going to excuse himself in just a few seconds to go chase Signe down. Then we'll be alone again. Are you ready for another round?"

He looked at me, his eyes full of lust and love. He nodded. I smiled. Jack stood up suddenly, slightly awkwardly and excused himself, not giving a reason. Signe, who was standing by the bathroom door giggled and winked, waving goodbye as Jack hauled her down the hall. I had a feeling both of us had the same activities planned, or at least fairly similar ones. I giggled as Mark stood up, closed the door and locked it, and began striping as he walked back over toward me, where I was laying on the bed. I had let my hair down and was barefoot. Mark grinned wolfishly and kissed me hard. Before long we were both naked and having sex. We wore each other out several times throughout the course of the night, waking the other up because we couldn't keep our hands, or other parts, to ourselves. We used my entire second, full box of condoms.


	12. Leaving Boston and Heading Home*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PAX is over. Now you have to say goodbye for now. Can you do it, or will you or Mark make an impulsive decision?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's kick this goodbye off right!

I woke up early again, around seven this time. Mark was still asleep. I leaned over him, kissing him on the forehead, nose, cheeks, and finally, into his mouth. He started to wake up slowly, so I continued trailing kisses down his jaw, neck, across his shoulders, and all over his chest, occasionally stopping long enough to suck a hickey or nip playfully at a particularly sensitive spot. He was fully awake by the time I got to his chest and reached down to grab me. I giggled as he pulled me close. "My, my, my. I have a very frisky girlfriend. Are you trying to kill me? I need sleep you know, even if you don't."

I looked into his eyes. "Sorry Mark. You just looked too good to stay away from. I mean honestly, I have no idea when I'll see you again after this morning. I know I kept you up most of the night. I was just hoping for one or two more rounds before Jack and Signe show up. Although, they might actually not show up early. I'm not sure. They know I wanted some alone time with you." I leaned forward and kissed Mark full on the mouth, letting him decide if we should deepen the kiss. He smiled, opening his mouth and deepening the kiss, sucking lightly at my tongue. 

When we pulled apart to breathe a little, he grinned up at me. "I'm not really complaining. You can wake me up for sex anytime. Hell, you can wake me up for snuggles and kisses anytime." He looked down at the nightstand. "Uh, I think we are out of supplies though. Oh, wait a second." He ran over to my closet. "Yup. You got one too." He held up two little bags, which I hadn't noticed before, not having put anything in the closets myself. 

"What are those?"

He grinned wolfishly. "Gifts from PAX East. All the YouTubers get them. They always throw at least a few condoms in, I think as a joke, but who knows. Maybe they think we are humping like bunnies at every convention." I waggled my eyebrows and giggled. Mark laughed too. "Okay, okay. WE are, but normally, I don't do this. actually, I have a whole bowl of condoms sitting in a jar at home from when I had two roommates and they were constantly giving them to me, trying to get me to date, and from these stupid convention bags. There's probably fifty or a hundred in there."

I giggled again. "Ooh, too bad I'm not going to LA anytime soon. That might last us a whole weekend."

Mark barked out a surprised laugh. "You'd kill me at that rate, baby. Then where would you be? No Markimoo to comfort you and possibly in jail. Also facing a mob of angry fangirls and possibly my mother, brother, and step-mom. "

I laughed as well. "Oh, I think I could handle some of that anyway. Maybe not the mob. Individual fangirls, sure. Your family, probably. Jail? I don't know. No you though? That would kill me. It would be like a murder suicide or something I think. We'd make the news. Death by sexy time. Headlines all over the world, since technically we are Internationally famous and I'm considered an Irish YouTuber now."

Mark shook his head at me and dug out the condoms. There were five in each bag. We grinned at each other, both still naked and Mark put one on as he came back over to me, already hard from my earlier teasing and seeing me naked. As soon as he got to the bed, he tossed the extra condoms on the bedside table and leaned down to me. I grabbed him, dragging him down onto the bed playfully, making him yelp slightly in surprise. He always forgets I'm as strong as I am. I jumped him as soon as he was laying down, moving back down to trail kisses down his chest and stomach, before circling lower. I moved down and trailed kisses all along his inner thighs, making him shiver and growl low in his throat, before moving on to the main event. When I got to his dick, he was hard and ready, to say the least. I started to give him a blow job, but he stopped me. "No, baby, I want to be inside you so bad. I can't wait anymore. Please." His voice was quiet and breaking slightly. He was completely out of breath as well. I smiled up at him and moved to obey.

"Of course Mark. All you had to do was ask." He smiled at me and pulled me down for a kiss, his hands wander all over my body before settling on my clit and pussy. He rubbing his fingers slowly along my wet heat, seeing if I was ready for him. I felt like I was going to burst when he finally rubbed my nub, making me moan and pant. He grinned into my mouth. "Mark, please." 

"Please what, baby girl?"

"Please, I need you. I'm ready. Come on. Don't torture me." He smiled slowly and rubbed his hard dick against my slit, still using one hand to finger my clit. I moaned in frustration and bucked slightly against him, making him tremble. His eye glazed over with lust and he plowed into me, suddenly. It was wonderful. We rode each other like animals. Mark found a good rhythm that worked for both of us, and I moved slightly in a small circle, seeking that perfect angle. I shook like a leaf in the wind when we found it and Mark grabbed my hips, keeping me lined up as our rhythm picked up speed and urgency. I was so close, just a few.. more... thrusts... There, Mark hit the exact spot once more and fireworks exploded in my brain and I melted against him, cumming and squeezing him tight with my insides as I did so. The added tightness made him lose control as well, exploding into the condom and me. He lay under me too tired to move for several minutes.

"Baby girl, I love you, but I swear, you are going to kill me. That was off the charts good. I don't think my heart can handle much more." 

I grinned at him, tiredly. "Your friend downstairs seems to disagree. He feels ready for another round. I'd say we aught to change condoms and take a shower though. Shower sex is always fun. After we gather the energy of course."

He grinned at me, shaking his head. "Of course, my lovely. I can't believe what you do to me." He sighed. "You're so perfect." He closed his eyes. I shifted slightly trying to get more comfortable, but it seemed to stir him up again. He rocked into me, hard, making me twitch and moan slightly. He opened his eyes, looking at me again. "Really? You're still that ready to go?"

I blushed. "Actually, Markimoo, I was trying to get a little more comfortable. It got you more stirred up than it was meant to and when you moved, I couldn't help but respond. You just do things to me and my brain stops working." I booped him on the nose, lovingly. "I guess we both do that to each other."

He looked outraged for as long as he could manage, which was all of three seconds before grinning at me. "Okay, you got me. I can't even really pretend differently right now. Maybe if you weren't hot, sweet, and tight right here on top of me, I could think about protesting, but probably not. It would take to much energy, and I want to save that for later." He looked at me, just steadily gazing at me for several long moments. "God, you are so gorgeous. How the hell did you ever end up living so far away from me? And how did I get to be lucky enough to be the one person you agreed to date?"

I looked down at him, smiling. "Well, a lot of things happened. Including a lot of lucky chances on my part. I can't imagine not having you and Jack and Signe in my life. You are so perfect for me, hot, smart, funny, sexy, and kind. You just take my breath away. I can't believe how fast I fell for you. And Jack and Signe are my best friends. They understand me like very few other people do, sometimes knowing something is wrong before I do." I sighed and snuggled as close to Mark as I could, trying not to shift to much as I settled. "I just wish we all lived closer together." I closed my eyes for a few minutes, just listening to Mark's breathing and enjoying the closeness.

Before long, he was moving around under me, trying to gently escape from me. I opened an eye. "What are you doing, Mark?"

He chuckled. "Busted. I was going to go get the shower warmed up for us. I thought you had fallen back asleep. You were just too beautiful to wake back up, even if it is almost eight thirty."

I groaned. "Bleah. I really hate getting up now, but you're right. We don't know when people are going to start stopping by. I really, really want to get clean and wash my hair before they get here. And no, I wasn't asleep. I was just resting and listening to how even your breathing was. The sound of it keeps me calm and steady, even when I'm not having a panic attack." Suddenly my eyes darted to my laptop bag. 

Mark saw me look. "Baby, no. Come on don't do this to yourself. You are nice and relaxed. Don't torture yourself. Please." I looked at him for a few seconds and bit my lip, looking back at my computer bag, before I looked back at him. I was torn. He sighed. "Fine. I'll check it first, to see if it's safe for you to look at, okay? We can handle it together. But leave your computer there. We're going to check from my phone. Now, let me up for a minute so I can go get it, okay?"

I rolled off him, trying not to moan at the loss of contact. It made me feel weak and pathetic to be so needy. Mark looked almost pained too, which I noticed as I sat up on the edge of the bed. He walked over to his discarded pants from the previous night, grabbing his phone. He turned it on and grinned. "What's so funny Mark?"

"Good thing we are already up. Jack texted me. Felix and Marzia just arrived in their room and will be headed our way in about twenty five minutes. Jack thinks he can stall them that long, especially if Felix decides to gather everyone else up, like he wants to. Apparently, Felix has decided to check in on us and 'make sure we eat'. Jack's words, not mine. Okay, let me just open your live counter page." He pulled it up and I leaned over to look with him. The good news was it had stopped spinning. The number made both of us blink. Mark looked at me, slightly pale. "Are you okay, babe? Thirty five million subscribers is huge."

I suddenly laughed, startling Mark. He raised an eyebrow and smiled at me, waiting. "Felix is going to have a heart attack. Holy fuck. In less than one and a half months, I've gone from no channel to being a serious contender for his title as most subscribed YouTuber. How the fuck does that even happen? Oh, he's gonna be pissed." I giggled again, picturing his reaction. 

Mark grinned at me. "Nah. He likes you. Besides, things may calm down for your channel now. I mean, I have no idea, but I would guess you won't see another spike like that for a while. Um, not that I've ever seen anyone's numbers spike like that. Now, let me text Jack back and let's go get showered." I grinned at him and flopped back on the bed, reaching up and grabbing a new condom. He grinned as well. "Always prepared, huh? Well, let's put the rest of those away for now. Maybe in your bag, where you had those two boxes before." I nodded and gathered the rest up, stowing them in the bag. As I did so, I gathered some clean clothes, selecting jeans and a Markiplier's heroes tee shirt I had had forever. Mark grinned when he saw it. "I wish I had a tee shirt for your channel, baby. That would be so awesome." 

I laughed and grabbed a dark blue one with my channel logo on the front, tossing it to him. It was a spare that was a little tight across my chest, but I thought Mark might be able to wear it. "Ask, and you shall receive Markimoo. And please, keep it. I had a few dozen shirts made up in various colors and sizes, and for some reason, even though that says it should fit me, it's tight across the chest. And no, it's not a woman's shirt, I bought all of them except one small order of silver ones, as unisex. Some of them are going to be giveaways from my channel. Actually, I'm drawing the first names tonight when I get home. Or tomorrow, if I'm too tired. We'll see." I leaned over and kissed his astonished face. "Don't you feel special now? You the second person ever, to wear one of my channel tee shirts. I'm, of course, the first."

Mark grinned at me. "Thank you babe! And I always feel special where you're concerned. Okay, I sent the message to Jack, so let's get moving." He reached down and moved his dirty clothes to the closet, grabbing some clean boxers and jeans, moving his keys, wallet, and phone to the new pants, before closing the closet. Then he opened the closet back up and removed my gift bag, tucking it into the top of my bag before once more closing the door of the closet. We both carried our piles of clothes into the bathroom, plugged in both our phones for a quick charge and hopped in the shower. I had handed Mark the condom before we stepped in and he had put it one so we started exploring each other as soon as the water was warm and we were soon having hot, steamy shower sex. I stuttered Mark's name out several times at one point, but fortunately, I was not a screamer and relatively quiet in bed. When we were done, he pulled back out of me and we started washing each other, focusing on just getting clean. Mark found he really enjoyed washing my hair, and I found it was very relaxing. I washed his hair for him as well, commenting he needed to take better care of it, because it was gorgeous and thick, silky, and soft, but somewhat brittle from the repeated dyeing and bleaching. I grabbed a leave in conditioner once I was done and added it to his hair as he turned off the water, startling him. "What are you doing now?"

I giggled. "Calm down. I'm treating your hair. This should help with the brittleness and split ends you have." I massaged it in, making him groan. Once I was done, I rinsed my hands off and we got out, toweling off, dressing and drying our hair with towels to the best of our ability. We both grabbed blow dryers and started drying our hair and Mark was, of course, done first. It took me several minutes more and when I was done, my hair was a mess, but at least it was dry. I grabbed the brush to begin battling it down, but Mark took it from me, leading me out to the main area and sitting me down in his lap.

"I've been wanting to do this ever since we first started dating. I love how soft and smooth your hair is. Let me brush it for you, please?" He looked at me with pleading eyes.

How could I say no to that face, those eyes? "Okay. Just let me get up and open the door first. Oh, and toss a blanket over the bed again." He nodded. I tossed the blanket over the bed first, hiding most of the evidence of the previous night from immediate view, before heading over to the front door and opening it to the hall. I grabbed our phones on the way back, finding them fully charged. Then I sat back down in Mark's lap.He started slowly brushing my hair, gently working the tangles out, one at a time, being careful not to pull too hard. I smiled and relaxed, playing with my phone. Before I knew it, we both heard a slight knock on the door and I looked up to see everyone standing in the hallway, peeking in at us. "Come on in guys. Mark's just brushing my hair, which is apparently something he wanted to do."

Jack winked at me. Signe smiled and came over, whispering in my ear "Yeah, Jack likes to do that for me too. I think it helps him think." Everyone else came in behind them, taking seats around the room. Mark had me stand up and turn around so he could do the other side, which he ad actually already done, but I think he was having fun and I just let him. I didn't notice Felix head over to the bedside trash can to throw a gum wrapper away until it was too late.

He burst out laughing. "My, my. Someone had a fun night. Did you two bunnies get ANY sleep? How did you go through an entire box of condoms in one night?"

We both blushed extremely brightly and Mark tried to hide by pulling me down onto him a little more. Marzia walked over and grabbed Felix, pulling him away by the arm and smacked him a few times. "Idiot. Do you have to try to kill her? I like her. I'll never speak to you again if you kill her. And I thought Mark was your friend?"

Jack looked at me scandalized. Signe was biting her fist, trying not to laugh and grinning like crazy. Wade and Bob were eyeing us with respect and curiosity. Molly was giggling and winked at me. Finally, Jack spoke up. "Well, then. Um. Yeah, that was really more than I needed ta know. About either of them ta be honest. Um. Let's go get some breakfast. I'm hungry. Sort of. And I need coffee."

I laughed. "Smooth, Jack. And gee, I wonder why you might be hungry? Like you weren't equally obvious when you chased Signe last night as you left. God. I've heard things from your apartment you know. The walls are thin, and you're both loud when you want to be." Mark laughed in my ear and sat me back up, finishing my hair.

Jack grinned, a little embarrassed. Signe looked at me, slightly startled, then winked. The rest of the room laughed as well, and we all stood up. I went to grab my helmet and heels, hearing everyone comment on Mark's shirt as soon as I was out of the way. When I came back and pulled my hair up, they noticed my shirt. Wade noticed first. "Aww, you match! That's adorable."

I looked at him as I fixed my hair back into its usual low bun. Jack grinned, which I saw out of the corner of my eye. "Um, Wade, how does wearing one of my oldest tee shirts match Mark wearing a new shirt I just gave him?" I knew what he meant, but I wanted to see what he was going to say.

Before Wade could answer, Mark leaned over and kissed my cheek, whispering "You know what he meant, right?" I turned to return the kiss and winked so no one else saw. He grinned as I kissed him.

Wade looked slightly embarrassed now. "Uh, you know, because you're wearing his channel logo tee shirt and he's wearing yours. It's sweet." He turned to the rest of the group, who were fighting back grins, Signe and Jack, who had clearly figured out my little game, had perfectly composed straight faces, but their eyes were dancing merrily with suppressed laughter. "You guys understood what I meant, right?"

Signe shook her head, trying to look confused. She wasn't quite successful, but it seemed to trick Wade. Molly winked at me again, looking at Wade with sympathy. "Come on sweetie. Let's go eat."

Wade looked around, confused for several long moments before he finally looked at Mark, who burst out laughing. Suddenly, almost everyone laughed. Wade put his hands on his hips. "You were teasing me? Why?"

I looked at him. "You started it. We didn't do it to match, I just wanted Mark to have one of the new shirts I had made and grabbed the first thing I had on hand. It was nearly as likely to be one of the ones with Jack's logo. What would you have said then, hm?"

Mark grumbled under his breath, and looked over at him, giving him a don't start look. Signe giggled, making everyone look over at her. "You would have started the shippers up again, probably. Although, maybe not. You and Mark were pretty cuddly and handsy on stage yesterday. Have you seen Twitter this morning? Your ship is sailing strong. Although for some reason, the shippers are also shipping you and I, a LOT. I'm not sure why." She shook her head.

I grinned at her. "Sorry, I don't swing that way, and you are my best friend, so that would be a little awkward. Can't be any worse than the Septiplier shippers though, can it?" I looked at Mark and Jack, still grinning.

Mark groaned. "Don't remind me. They can be so aggressive. And good lord the things they come up with!" **_{A/N -- Hi everybody! Yes, I ship Septiplier, at least as a bromance, since I really doubt it would go any farther, but I still like thinking about our smol beans as more than friends. Actually though, I just wanted to say, please don't be hating on anyone they chose to be with. That's not right, and as much as I'd love to see them together, I know it's not realistic. I want them to be happy. That's all! And yes, I have been writing for that ship too.}_**

Jack agreed. I was still grinning. "Well, the two of you don't exactly do anything to slow the ship down. Come on, it's kind of obvious the two of you think it's at least somewhat funny." They both blushed, caught. I winked at Signe and put on my helmet, leaving it up just enough so my mouth was exposed. "Come on, let's go eat and leave these two here to think about it. We can fan the flames of our own ship on the way." That got everyone laughing and we all got up and left. Mark and Jack were actually the last ones out of the room, locking it up behind them, but they ran to catch up with us. Signe had grabbed my hand as we walked and we had our heads together giggling. As soon as Jack caught up to us he grabbed Signe by the waist and spun her around, hugging her. She let my hand go and squealed, laughing. I was grinning at them, so I missed Mark come up behind me and grab me around the waist as well. He didn't lift me up, just hugged me close. I smiled at him and kissed him. "Come on doofus. Our friends are waiting and I'm hungry."

He laughed, a deep, sexy chuckle in my ear. "Why could that be do you think?" I gently swatted him and we walked to the elevator, his arms still wrapped around me. He stayed that way all the way to the lobby, where, when the doors opened, security was forcing people back. They were all screaming, mostly my channel name, or mine and Mark's. A security officer stepped in the elevator and closed the door.

We stared at the man, not sure what to do. He smiled at us. "Sorry. They have been like this all morning. Anytime the elevator comes down, they surge forward hoping it's your group. We actually need to get you checked out of here by the back way. Can you please gather your things and meet me at the other end of the hall on your floor? You should be fine on that floor. Only people with a special key card are being allowed through. [Y/Y/N], the guests you had visiting you have had the cards revoked this morning due to the mobs. I believe they had already checked out though, so just let us know if it's a problem. Here we go, your floor." He opened the doors back up and we all headed back to our rooms. Jack and Signe looked surprised when Mark kept going towards my room, but didn't say anything. Mark opened the door for me and I gathered my stuff, packing the last of it neatly into my bags before rolling everything into the hall. Mark grabbed his stuff and we did a final check to make sure neither of us had left anything behind that we needed. We headed into the hall, and we the first to arrive. Jack and Signe got there next. 

Jack grinned at Mark. "So ye changed rooms and didn't even tell us? What would have happened if we went looking for ye and ye weren't there?"

I heard him and rolled my eyes under my helmet. "Oh please. You would have gone to my room to ask me where he was. Jack don't be a goober."

Signe cracked up, giggling for a long time as our other friends came out of their rooms to join us. Soon everyone was all ready and we were ushered into a special elevator at the back of the hall, one that looked like it was for VIP access and hotel staff only. We were lead to a smaller version of the front desk to check out. While we were waiting to be next in line we decided where we were going to go eat. Once we were all done, we were escorted out to waiting cars, all without being seen by fans. I pushed the helmet down anyway, feeling a little edgy. Mark saw and held my hand. He, Jack, Signe, and I were all loaded in one taxi, all our luggage in the trunk. Fortunately, none of us packed very much, even me, who had been traveling for three weeks. I had thought ahead enough to have most of my stuff sent back directly from my mother's house or shipped with the convention stuff I was getting. I was down to a small carry-on bag that had room for my helmet, laptop, and assorted other things, and one larger, rolling luggage bag.

we had all agreed to go to breakfast at the airport, near terminal B, where most of us would be leaving from today. They had a number of options and we wouldn't have to wander around forever looking for something and hail another set of taxis to get us back to the airport. As soon as we were all there, we headed to the food court, wheeling our bags behind us. We found a few options we all thought sounded interesting. Jack, Mark, Signe, and I all thought the Asian fusion restaurant, called Asian Too, sounded good. Felix saw a coffee chain he was familiar with from Brighton and voted for that. Bob, Wade, Molly, and Marzia wanted to try the French-sounding pastry shop, Au Bon Pain. Finally we agreed to go check that out first and if we didn't see anything substantial to go to the Asian restaurant. 

We walked in and immediately, several people turned to us and a group of fans came over. We smiled and agreed to sign some autographs and take a few pictures as long as the group stayed calm. We apologized to the manager, but she just grinned and asked for an autograph as well, giving us all a free pastry as we were headed back out. The shop was too well lit and public for us to eat comfortably. Besides, all they had was bread and pastry items, and I wanted something more substantial. As soon as I thought that, my stomach growled, loudly, startling Wade and Felix, who were standing in front of me. They turned to look at me astonished. I was blushing, but stared straight ahead, knowing they couldn't see my face. Felix grinned and winked. "Come on. [Y/Y/N]'s stomach is so loud, I'm a little scared she might attack me. Let's go to the restaurant. It looks a little more private."

It was. They had a whole private dining room they let us use, so we were completely out of the way. We got a good meal and had a great time. Eventually we all finished. Mark was teasing me about having eaten almost twice what he had. Jack was grinning at me as well. No one else seemed to have noticed at least until Wade stood up and looked around. "Jeez! And I thought Mark could eat a lot. [Y/N], you just keep surprising me." Everyone looked down to our end of the table suddenly, and I felt everyone's eyes go between me and the four empty bowls of soup in front of me. I had ordered pho, which I loved and had eaten for breakfast before. 

The giggles and laughter of my friends made me blush again and I lowered my helmet. "I was hungry." That made the laughter get louder.

Bob winked at me. "I bet you were." Mark covered his face with his hands, also blushing now. We stood up to leave, getting ready to pay the bill as we left, but the manager instead asked to take a photo of us to put on the wall that we had eaten there, and asked for autographs. He refused payment, so we agreed. It was almost time for Jack, Signe, and I to go through security. Felix and Marzia checked and they were actually leaving at the same time. It looked like they were on the same flight, where Felix and Marzia would continue on to London after we got off in Dublin. We started saying our goodbyes. I started with Bob. Wade and Molly were next. Mark and I held hands a long time, hugged and kissed repeatedly, before Jack finally dragged me up to the counter to check my bags and go through security. I watched Mark sadly as he turned to go. He looked so sad walking away, I nearly ran back over to stop him, to tell him I would go with him to LA, to abandon my life, but I knew I couldn't. I was killing me. I started crying silently in my helmet, glad not only for the added security, but for the fact that no one could see my tears. I would rather deal with the added security measures than be publicly crying and trying to keep it together.

Signe came over and squeezed my hand, worried. "Are you okay? You're awfully quiet, even for you. And your shoulders are slumped." 

I shook my head. "This is killing me. Mark too, from the looks of it." I could hear the tears in my own ears, but I'm not sure if Signe heard them through the voice changer. She just nodded and hugged me, pulling me forward as the line moved. Soon enough I was waiting with Felix, Marzia, Jack, and Signe in the first class lounge. We had all been bumped up when someone recognized Felix and I. He grinned at me when it happened before noticing my posture and whispering something to Jack, who whispered something back. I wasn't listening. I was trying to keep it together. As we sat, alone, in the lounge, waiting to be boarded, I noticed a Dunkin' Donuts nearby and wandered over to get a smoothie. I wasn't hungry anymore, but I was thirsty and I didn't drink coffee. I also ordered coffee for Signe and Jack, as a thank you gesture for helping me so much this weekend. I paid, carried the drinks back over, surprising them with their drinks, made the way I knew they drank them. "Here. I got you two coffee since I feel like you guys have done so much for me this week. I'm sorry I'm such a mess. I'll try to get better." I sat down with my smoothie to wait to be boarded. Suddenly, there was a commotion outside the lounge. I didn't even look up at first, staring at the floor until the door opened. Mark stepped in, looking frantic. 

I nearly dropped my drink. "Mark? What's going on? What are you doing here?"

He came over and hugged me close. "I can't do it. Maybe in a week or two I can, but not today. I can't let you leave me behind yet. I'm coming with you. I got a last minute ticket for this flight. Thank god they weren't full." He looked at me, smiling. "I'm sorry. I really thought I could be strong, but I saw your shoulders as you left and it was killing me. Bob and Wade pushed me into it. I need to call Matt and Ryan and ask them to watch Chica for a while, too. Actually, I'll do that now, since you're here and I can think again."

I leaned against him as we sat down. Jack and Signe were smiling at us. Felix looked astonished. Marzia looked happy for us. I wrapped my arms loosely around his shoulders as Mark dialed Matt. I glanced at the clock, it was eleven thirty, so he was probably up. I was right. "Matt, yeah, hi buddy. It's Mark. Um, something came up and I need to take another trip. Yeah, I know it's sudden." "No, I won't tell you where." "Listen can you guys keep Chica a little while for me? Yeah, I will owe you big." "Okay, okay. Jeez. If you want to collect the favor now, I'll tell you where I'm going." "Nope, that will be the whole favor. Not why." "Nope, you can't change the deal, once you hear where." "Uh huh. Sure. Call be back if you have to, but hurry up. My plane is leaving soon." I giggled, having lifted my helmet to kiss Mark as soon as the call was over and I think Matt must have heard me because Mark looked at me and winked. "Yep, that was a woman's laugh. Oh, ho, so now you want to know who it was? Is that the favor then? Make up your mind buddy." "Yes." "Yes, I am going somewhere with the woman in question." "Hey, come on. No more, unless you want that to be the favor. My god. What is this, twenty questions?" He rolled his eyes as he continued to listen. "Fine. The favor is you can talk to her until she hands me the phone back and I tell you her name. Well, I'll tell you her channel name now and her real name later. It's [Y/Y/N], okay?" I heard excited squeaks come from Mark's phone as he suddenly had to hold the phone away from his ear. I giggled again. "Yes, she's very nice. Yes. Yes, I do love her. Now shut up Matt." He listened for a few more seconds before handing the phone to me "Here. My friend wants to talk to you for watching my dog. Don't ask me why." I grinned at him, knowing why.

"Hello?"

"Hi, are you really [Y/Y/N]? Or was Mark lying?"

I laughed. "No, he wasn't lying, I really am [Y/Y/N]. Hang on a second." I lowered the helmet and put the phone on speaker. "Can you still hear me?"

"OH MY GOD!!! IT IS YOU!!! How did he...? I mean, when did...? What even?" Mark and I laughed. Matt paused for a minute "Wait, I heard Mark again. Can he hear me?"

"Well, yes. I had to put you on speaker so I could hear you with my helmet on. Did you want me to talk to you privately?"

"Uh, maybe for a minute."

I lifted the bottom of my helmet again and turned speakerphone back off, holding the phone under the side of my helmet. "Okay. You're good now. What did you want to ask me?"

"I have three questions. I am going to ask them in yes or no format, so please, try not to let Mark know what they are. Then, I promise I'll leave you two alone. Although Ryan may call in a little while when he gets up."

"Okay. I'll try to answer three questions. No guarantees. Go for it."

"Alright then, question one -- Do you love Mark?

"Yes."

"Question two -- Have you told him that?"

"Yes."

"Okay, um wow. I wasn't expecting that. Okay right. Question three -- Was he coming with you because you couldn't come back with him for some reason?"

"Yes, and I can elaborate on that if you want."

Matt responded immediately. "You will, I mean you can? Great. Please do. Just not on the first two. I don't want Mark to know what I asked you first."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Mark's coming with me because I have another job besides YouTube that I have been on vacation from the last three weeks and I can't take anymore time off. He hadn't planned on it, it was a spur of the moment decision. He's coming home with me."

Matt sighed, sounding relieved. Then he asked me confused "Wait, you have another job? Can I ask what that is before you go and why you need it?"

I laughed. "So much for only three questions. But sure, I'll answer that too. I work as a computer tech for a library. I needed the job, because when I left for vacation my channel was at around half a million subscribers and about two weeks old. So why would I give up a really good job for that? I also, I like having a job separate from YouTube, and a personal life. PAX East has really shown me how important that is. I mean, my god, I was part of something that killed the Internet! This way no one knows what I really look like, where I live, where I work, or who my family is. I have a safety net so the over thirty five million people who subscribe to me now can't find me."

I heard Felix and Jack stutter "Th-thirty FIVE?"

Matt said the same thing. "Thirty five MILLION? How does that even happen?"

"Hell, if I know. Um, and I really don't want to talk about that too much. I have anxiety issues and that is currently my biggest trigger. Well, that and the thought of people grabbing me, being mobbed, or finding me at home and invading my privacy. I've had panic attacks everyday for the last week." I sighed. "Mark's been helping with them a lot. Now do you want to talk to him again, or are you ready to hang up?"

"That's it. Have fun with him and try not to break or kill him. Bye!" I chuckled as he hung up and I handed the phone back to Mark.

Mark looked at me. "What did he say?"

"He asked me a few questions he wants to keep secret for now, but don't worry, it's nothing bad. And he wanted to know a little more about me and my channel, as you heard. I was laughing because as he hung up he asked me not to break or kill you."

Mark's eyes sparkled as he grinned at me. He leaned over and whispered "We'll have to stay well hydrated then." I giggled at him and kissed him. 

Jack had been watching the two of us. "Ye look okay, [Y/Y/N], even if ye are a bit sickly sweet right now."

"Shut up and drink your coffee, Jack." I looked at Mark. "Hey babe, there's a Dunkin' Donuts right across from the lounge, do you want to go get anything? I could come with you..." 

Mark grinned. "Sure. A coffee sounds good. Hey, Felix, you want anything? Marzia?" The both asked for coffees, so we headed out. I held Mark's hand the whole way over and while he ordered the drinks and waited, I got a bag with a dozen doughnuts to share later. As we came back in, we were leaned on each other arms intertwined. I had tucked the donuts in my purse, much to Mark's amusement. We handed Felix and Marzia their coffees, some sugar, Splenda, and creamer, since neither of us had any clue how they took their coffee and we sat back down again. I picked up my smoothie, lowering my helmet again as everyone settled back to wait. We had an extremely short wait, as the flight attendant stepped in almost the minute I took my next sip through my straw.

"Hello folks. I'm Gabe, your flight attendant in first class today. I see we have three couples today, how sweet! So do you all know each other, and want to be seated so you can talk, or would you rather have some privacy?"

I looked at the man in front of us and looked at Mark. I shrugged. Jack spoke up. "We're all friends, so ye might as well put us all together. Makes it easier on ye." 

Gabe smiled politely. "Thank you sir, but my job is to make flying as easy and comfortable for you as possible."

I chuckled. "Really, we are all friends. We don't mind sitting together and if we want to be alone, we can always move later, right?"

Gabe nodded. "That's true, as long as the seatbelt lights aren't on. Now, please follow me. You have priority boarding." 

We smiled and followed Gabe, finding seats together easily. We were actually seated in pairs, with Mark and I sitting in the back, Jack and Signe in the center seats and Felix and Marzia up front, but we could all see and talk to each other fairly well. Soon we were flying out of Boston and on our way back to Dublin and home.


	13. Home Again*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're back in Ireland!

When the plane landed in Dublin, six hours after take off, we said our goodbyes to Felix and Marzia, promising to call them soon. I smiled and hugged them both. "Thanks for all the support at the convention guys. You are both amazing! Bye." We got off the plane, taking our carry-ons with us, Mark and I holding hands the whole way out of the airport. Signe got out the ticket for my car in long-term parking and gave it to the attendant. He got my car and we loaded all the luggage in the trunk before climbing in. Mark sat in the front seat next to me. Signe and Jack sat the back, close together, holding hands. As soon as we were all settled in and buckled up, I turned my car back on, turned on the CD I had in, and we started driving home. Conversation was lively the whole trip, making me glad to have my friends with me, and we decided to stop for some food, since it we were all hungry and it was way past dinnertime, before heading directly to the apartments. Jack directed me to a pub he liked with reasonably priced good food and we parked, heading in. I had removed my helmet as soon as we were out of the airport area, pulling over to do so. Before we headed in, I grabbed a pair of ballet flats, switching my shoes so I could be more comfortable, and also because I only ever wore heels as [Y/Y/N]. I saw a couple of my coworkers when we went in, so I headed over to say hi, leaving my friends by the door, waiting to be seated. I talked for a few minutes before heading back to Mark, Jack, and Signe. 

After we were seated, in a quiet back corner, where Mark and I sat side by side, close together, we opened the menu and looked over the food. I was surprised. This place had quite a selection, ranging from sandwiches and burgers, to steaks, ribs, seafood, and chicken. I decided to try a seafood bake with rice. We ordered our food and some appetizers to share. Our drinks came a few minutes later. Mark and I were holding hands under the table while we talked and ate. Jack winked at me at one point, clearly knowing. I didn't mind, at all. Finally, Jack looked at the two of us and asked a question that we didn't expect. "So, uh, I have to ask. Did ye really use a whole box of condoms in one night?" We both blushed and stopped eating for a minute. 

I looked at Jack. "Do you really want to know?" He nodded, looking unsure. Signe was trying not to laugh. "Um, yeah. We did. And a few from the gift bags." Signe couldn't stop herself from bursting out laughing at that. Jack looked shocked. I looked at Mark, both of us still as red as tomatoes. Then I added, "But don't worry, we weren't loud. I'm sure you won't be able to hear us from your apartment." Signe stopped laughing and looked at Jack. Now both of them were blushing. I turned back to Mark. "I hope you brought noise cancelling headphones. If you didn't we might need to buy a spare pair for while you're here."

Jack groaned. "Okay, okay. No more. We won't ask ye about sex anymore. Please don't tell him, or us, what ye have heard. I don't think my friendship with him could handle it." I cackled gleefully. Jack looked at me, shaking his head. "Ye never fail ta surprise me. We didn't even know ye could hear us. Ye never said anything. Now, I ask one question, and ye get vengeful. Anyway, new topic. Mark, how long are ye going ta be staying with [y/n]? And will ye be staying at her place?"

Mark nodded, his mouth full of his dinner. When he swallowed he took a drink of his water and answered. "Yeah, if she'll let me. I'm not sure how long I can stay. I'm hoping at least a week or two, maybe longer?"

I looked at him again. "Sweetie, you can stay with me as long as you're in Ireland. I fully expect and want you here as long as we can possibly manage. I already feel a little guilty that you're rearranging your life like this to be with me. I would never make you pay for a hotel on top of that. I even have an empty guest room if we need some space from each other."

Signe giggled as I blushed realizing what I had just said. Oh well, too late now. Jack leaned in closer to us both. "That's one room I doubt Mark will ever see tha inside of, based on how ye two are acting now."

Mark looked at me and smiled, leaning over to kiss me. I kissed him back, forgetting everything else for the moment. It wasn't until we heard the waiter clear his throat that we separated and looked around. Mark squeezed my hand as he sat back in his chair. I felt a little dazed. Jack ordered some desserts to split and waiter left. Signe looked at me, smiling. "Well, that was quite a show. Would you two have even stopped to breath if the waiter hadn't come over? You looked like you didn't mean to ever stop."

I looked at her, then at Mark. "I didn't want to. I only realized we were still in public when we heard him. I kind of forgot everything except Mark." Mark smiled at me and squeezed my hand again, eyes filled with what looked a lot like love.

Jack shook his head at us. "Ye two don't even need tha dessert, ye're so sweet together. It'd be sickening if I didn't know ye put up with Signe and I when we pull this crap too." He looked at me a little closer. "Ye better let Signe drive us home, [y/n]. Ye look too distracted ta be safe. Gimme yer keys."

I smiled a half smile. "I'll be fine, but if you feel safer, here you go. I can cuddle with Mark the rest of the way home this way, instead of having to sit next to him and focus on the road. But don't worry, we won't do anything to make you uncomfortable, we'll just cuddle." I handed the keys over and looked at Mark, who was smiling at me again. "We're pretty close to home now anyway. It'll probably be fifteen minutes drive from here, if traffic is bad. Then we can grab our stuff and head up to the apartments. We can say our good-nights then too." I thought for a minute. "Hey Mark, you want to help me do a vlog tonight? I need to film the tee shirt giveaway winners and would love an assistant. I had been going to ask Jack, but I'd rather have you help me." Jack made a noise and I looked at him. "What? He already has one of my tee shirts."

Signe burst out laughing. "That's not why you want Mark's help. You just want to encourage the ship. Plus, you want the added eye candy." After a few seconds of giggling she added a final thought. "Thank you for not making it look like you're stealing my boyfriend. The shippers apparently love you too much. Oh, and thanks for not asking me. Or ship is already too strong."

I winked at her. "But our love is soo obvious, that must be how the world figured it out. Just like Jack and Mark." We all chuckled. "Honestly? I'm almost afraid to check Tumblr now. I have a feeling there is going to be a ton and a half of fan fic and drawings of me and each one of you."

Mark chuckled. "I'll help you sort through it. Maybe we can read a few about ourselves. That could actually be fun." He winked at me. "Might give us some new ideas."

I looked at him. "I have plenty of ideas, thank you. We just ran out of time to try them all. And energy."

Jack, who had been taking a drink, choked, spluttering. Signe grinned at me as she patted him repeatedly on the back, trying to help him breath normally. When he was under control he looked at me. "Are ye trying ta kill me? I really didn't need ta hear that about my friends."

I grinned at him. "Weren't you the one who, just a little while ago, asked me if we really used a entire box of condoms in one night? What did you think we were doing with them? Making weird balloon animals?" Signe snorted and Jack blushed. Mark started laughing. "I know the two of you slipped of for an evening of similar activities too, so don't bother acting all innocent. You aren't subtle about those things Jack. I've had to leave several times when Signe and I were hanging out because you suddenly decided to pull yourself away from work and got a little too affectionate when you saw your girlfriend. So hush." Jack blush got brighter.

Just then the waiter came over with the desserts Jack had ordered the table, four spoons and forks, and small plates for each of us. Conversation silenced for a few minutes as we dug in, trying everything. I mostly stuck with a very delicious gooey brownie with a chocolate drizzle, fresh fruit on top, and a raspberry filling. Signe was eating the molten chocolate cake, mostly. Mark had a large slice of chocolate cherry cheesecake. Jack had an enormous ice cream sundae. The waiter brought over our bill as we resumed conversation and finished our food. Mark and Jack split the bill, argued over the tip (most places in Europe the tip is included in the bill, not left as an additional amount, like in the US), and we headed back to my car. Mark and I held hands, getting there first. Signe had stopped for a bathroom break, and Jack had decided to wait with her. I was glad we had already gotten in the car and it was dark when I saw him get stopped by fans as the two of them emerged from the restaurant. I cuddled into Mark and we watched him handle things with his usual enthusiasm and charm. Mark leaned over, stealing kisses, while we watched and waited for Jack and Signe, not that I minded in the least. When they finally got to the car and got in, Mark and I were just sitting, leaned into each other. Jack looked back at me as he buckled up. "It's a good thing ye weren't there, [y/n]. They were obsessed with ye and trying ta get me ta tell them all about ye. They were fans o' me too, but they spent most o' the time we were over there talking about how amazing ye are." He shook his head. "Like I said, good thing ye and Mark weren't there. They would have guessed ye're identity in a second. At first they thought Signe was ye, until she spoke and stepped closer. Then they recognized her and started asking her questions as well."

I blinked. "Oh god, I'm so sorry guys. I never wanted that to happen."

Signe gave Jack a stern look. "We're fine. We handled it. Don't worry. Now just relax and we'll be home soon."

I smiled at her. "I'm okay, Signe. No signs of a panic attack yet today. Even when I looked at my subscriber count this morning with Mark. I think I surprised him because my reaction was to laugh."

Mark grinned at me. "Yeah, that was about the last reaction I expected honestly. You were more worried about Felix hating you or being pissed at you then you were about the actual number."

Jack looked confused. "Why would Felix hate ye or be mad?"

I shook my head. "I thought he might be upset because I'm so close to his numbers, so fast. There's a serious possibility I could get more subs than him, at least for a little while. I'm sure things will settle back down and most of the people who are subscribing to me will leave after a few weeks. That happens, right?"

Jack and Mark shared a look. "Maybe. But not usually. The subscriber counts don't usually drop that fast, even for channels that are really unpopular. We'll have to look at your total channel views to see if they match the subscriber numbers fairly well." I looked surprised as Mark explained that to me. I started chewing on the inside of my lip. "Hey, easy there. I could be wrong. I don't really know what's going to happen. I've never seen or heard of anyone doing what you have done in the last two months, going from zero to over thirty five million, as of this morning." That got me thinking. I pulled out my phone and started checking emails. I had been largely ignoring them while I was at the convention and I had quite a pile. I sorted through them, deleting some, reading any from my family and friends, and waiting to look at the rest until I had more time and a better screen. Mark watched me for a minute, saw I was doing emails, and turned back to Jack to talk, curling an arm around me. Once I was done with my email, I checked my live subscriber count. I double checked it. I opened a new browser and checked Felix's subscriber number, refreshing twice. Then I let out a weak chuckle, making Mark look down to me. "What's up babe? Was that a good laugh or a bad one? I couldn't tell."

"I don't even know. I just checked my subscriber count again. And Felix's. We are only twenty thousand subs apart. And I'm slightly ahead of him." I paused as that sunk in. "Oh god. I'm more popular than PewDiePie right now." I whimpered slightly. "Shit. Are you sure Felix won't be pissed?"

Jack and Mark looked startled. Mark recovered first and squeezed my shoulders. "I'm sure. Call him if you don't believe me."

I swallowed a little painfully. "Maybe later. They won't even be home yet, and I don't want to bother him." I leaned my face into Mark side. "Thanks for being here Mark."

He chuckled as he heard me, even though my voice was muffled by his body. He kissed my head. "Always baby, always. Now just relax. We'll be there soon. Then you can show me around, we can record your vlog, and you can get to bed. You look tired. Do you have to go in to work tomorrow?"

I made a face and thought. "No, I scheduled one extra day, in case I was jet lagged. We have the whole day to ourselves. Well, except for when I have to run out and get some groceries and things. Because I have been gone almost a month. And maybe record a few videos for my channel. My backlog is somewhat depleted."

Mark and Jack grinned. They knew what I meant. Mark suddenly groaned. "Shit. I need to record some stuff too, but my stuff is almost all back in LA. Can we share, babe?"

I laughed. "Sure, Mark. Actually, I have a spare laptop you can use to play and record on. We could even collab if you want."

Jack looked at me. "Why didn't I know ye had another laptop? I knew ye were building another desktop, but why didn't ye tell me about the laptop? And are ye trying ta steal my best friend? First my girlfriend, then my best friend. I thought ye liked me."

I grinned at him. "Whiner. I didn't tell you, because it's my old one, from when I first moved here. It still works great and everything, but it's not the latest and greatest machine out there, like my new one is. And I'm not stealing anyone from you. Signe became my friend because her boyfriend was somewhat absent, being a workaholic. Something, I, obviously, know nothing about. And unless Septiplier is true, I use Mark for different purposes than you do. Although, we still make the stupid dick jokes. I mean he isn't a different person. If it upsets you that much, you could always ask to record with us. I might be willing to consider it." My eyes twinkled and danced merrily. "IF you don't whine too much before hand, or complain about us being to mushy and kissy on camera."

Signe burst out laughing again. Jack looked sheepish. Mark was chuckling and hugging me. "Alright, I'll be good. Can I please record with the two of ye tomorrow?"

I looked at Mark. He winked and answered for the two of us. "Okay. I guess it's okay. As long as you don't bug us."

Signe pulled into my parking spot and we all piled out of the car, still giggling and laughing over Jack's reaction. I got my keys back from Signe and we all got our bags. We headed up the stairs to our apartments. I set my things inside my door and hugged Jack and Signe, telling them I would see them soon, if not the next day. Signe winked and waved goodnight as she shut the door behind her. I lead Mark into my apartment, showing him around. I showed him where the guest room was, out of courtesy, more than thinking he would need to use it, and lead him back to my bedroom. I was very glad when we got there that I had changed the sheets and blankets right before I left and straightened up the room. It was neat and tidy, my beautiful silver curtains hanging neatly over my windows, the dark teal and purple pillows and sheets neat and crisp on the bed, my grey blanket folded neatly at the end and my quilt, made by my maternal grandmother, over the sheets, adding pops of bright blues and greens, as well as silvers and white. The walls were a pale cream color and the floor was pine, with several throw rugs. The dressers and a full length mirror lined one wall, next to the closet. Overall, the room looked cool and inviting, at least to my eyes. I dropped my bag by the door. "Come on in Mark. I'll clear some dresser space for you to unpack your clothes if you want."

Mark's eye shined as he looked around. "This is gorgeous, just like you, babe. I don't really need a dresser drawer if you don't want to move things."

I grinned and walked over to one of the dressers. I pulled open the drawer. There were three shirts, neatly folded. I took them out. "There you go sweetheart! All done." I put the shirts in the other dresser, sliding open a drawer with other tee shirts. I rarely used the second dresser at all, and didn't need the space. I just stuck things in there when I was too lazy to walk the extra few steps to my main dresser, or things I was planning to hang up later, after I chased down an empty hanger.

Mark grinned at me. "That was easy." I smiled and nodded, coming over to kiss him. I stayed leaned against him, following him around the room as he unloaded his bag. I watched quietly. 

"Sweetie, we need to get you some more clothes and do your laundry." He looked at me and nodded. "Come on, grab your dirty clothes and follow me. We can start a load before we record my vlog." I grabbed one of his hands as he gathered his bag of dirty clothes, leading him back to my laundry area. My washer and dryer were small stackable machines, but they were big enough to accommodate his entire load of clothes. I threw a detergent pack in and started the machine up. Then we went back into the living room, still holding hands. I sat down on the couch and opened my computer up, setting up my camera and microphone in record time. I had left the tripod hooked up, so everything was just plug and go, and I was all ready in less then three minutes. Mark was impressed. I grinned. "Come on over. We can record this together. I'm going to remind everyone of the contest rules and log you into my Twitter feed to read the hashtag and draw the names. Then I will read the tweet aloud on the channel and you can pull the correct tee shirt size out for them. I told everyone the winners would get a reply tweet, so I will tweet back to them and they will have to contact me with their mailing information to get the shirt. I want to draw at least five. Do you think that will be enough?"

Mark grinned as he sat down next to me. "How many did you say you would be giving away?"

I blinked. "I didn't. I just said I was doing a drawing and that some lucky followers would get shirts. I didn't want to say too many in case no one was interested."

Mark laughed. "How many spare shirts do you have? I would think you should give away more like ten or twenty than five, if you have enough." 

I nodded. "I do. And I need to call the company that made then for me and order some more. Maybe I can set up some kind of merchandising deal with him, to sell the shirts? How does that work anyway?"

Mark shook his head at me. "I have no idea. I had a company approach me. Hey, maybe I can call them and we can get a deal set up for you as well. I bet they would jump on the chance to sell your designs."

I smiled. "Even though they are complicated and hand drawn? I had to draw the pattern for the company I'm using now, and set up a legal contract with them so they can't use the template without my consent. It's probably killing them now."

Mark kissed the side of my head. "Even though they are complicated designs. They will sell out the first three batches they make, I would bet money. Especially if you mention where your merchandise can be purchased. I still can't believe how many fans buy my stuff and I have heard Jack and Felix say the same thing. Now, do you want to get started right away, or can I go use the bathroom and change clothes. I feel all sweaty from the plane. I would love a shower if we can wait."

I smiled at him. "Of course. Take your time. I'll edit a few videos I recorded at PAX and maybe record some Flash games while I wait. I'll sort through my mail account too. I didn't want to read anything too long in the car. My eyes can't focus that well on the screen when we're moving."

Mark nodded, hugged me and headed back to get cleaned up. I followed him for a minute and pulled out a second tee shirt with my channel logo for him, this time in red and black. He grinned and promised to wear it as soon as he got out of the shower. I took his dirty clothes after he had gotten in the shower, emptying his pockets, and headed back to the washer, adding the extra clothes and pausing the machine so he didn't get unexpected extra hot or cold water. I wasn't sure how good the buildings pipes were and didn't want to test them on Mark. His clothes could wait a little while. I headed into the kitchen and grabbed a pen and pad of paper. I checked my cupboards and the freezer, looking to see what I needed to buy the next day on my shopping trip, wrote a list, which I put in my purse, and headed back to my computer. I settled in to check emails first. After reading them carefully, there were three I needed to address directly, after I talked to my boss at the library. I was either going to need to take an extended leave of absence or give up the job. Three more TV shows wanted to interview me, and Dan and Arin invited me out to LA to record sessions as a guest grump. I really wanted to do it, but it would mean giving up my security and taking a blind leap of faith into a world I was still learning. I chewed my lip and thought. I replied to Arin first. "Thanks for the invite to be a guest grump. I would love to! I just need to work out when I can make it. Can I get back to you in a couple of days?" I sent the message and hoped he understood.

I was still nervously chewing my lip when Skype rang out from my computer, startling me. I answered quickly not even looking at who was calling. Only a few people had my Skype number anyway, and all of them knew what I looked like, so I didn't even bother with my helmet. It was a video call from Felix. "Hey [y/n]! I heard from Jack that you were worried I was going to be pissed that you have more subs than me. I'm not at all. I'm surprised and maybe a little jealous about how fast that was, but not pissed. Are you okay with everything?"

I nodded. I wasn't at all panicked, oddly. "Actually, I am fine. I was just answering emails and catching up with work stuff. Mark's in the shower. We are going to film a quick vlog when he's done. Hey, listen, I have to ask you something. I'm getting a lot of requests to be on talk shows and make guest appearances on things. If I say yes, I'm going to have to quit my other job. How do I know I can make it as a YouTuber alone? I mean, how do I know the fans aren't going to suddenly all vanish, just as fast as they suddenly appeared?"

Felix looked thoughtful, not answering for a minute, which actually put me more at ease than a quick glib answer would have. "The short answer is you don't. You haven't had a channel long enough to know whether the fans are going to stay loyal. The long answer is you have to have faith in yourself and think about how the fans are reacting to you. They love you more than anyone I've ever seen, and they are all saying how much you inspire them. They were coming up to me and asking me to relay messages, something that hasn't happened in a long time. I know that happened to Jack and Mark as well. By the way, did you notice Jack and Mark have both had a big numbers surge since you appeared with them on stage? I have too for that matter and my comments section keeps saying how they followed your channel to me, not the other way around. That's really rare. I think you should go for it, if you think you can manage. Honestly, I think people are more surprised you have a second job then anything else about meeting you. And if you need to talk more, ask me anytime. Mark and Jack will say the same thing I'm sure. You probably should ask them as well, because they know you better."

I swallowed and nodded. "Thanks Fe, that helps a lot. More than you know, actually. I was scared that maybe I was overthinking this, but it sounds like you're on the same page as me. Well, I have emails to attend to. Hey, Mark, Jack, and I are recording together tomorrow. You want in? We can add you over Skype if you do. I have no idea what we're recording yet, but I know it will be fun."

Felix grinned. "Sure. I need more videos anyway and you have a really good internal meter for how long we should go before recording the intro and outros again. Just give me a call when you guys are all setup. How is Mark going to record?"

I smiled. "I have a spare laptop that's all setup for it. It's my backup in case my good one goes down. And he's going to share the camera and mic with me."

Felix chuckled. "Ah, fan service already. The shippers will be all over you two. But it's sweet and smart. Mark never has a very big buffer of videos. You might actually be able to help him pull ahead a little. Well, I have to go. Marzia and I just got home. We need to go unpack and make a plan for the errands we need to run tomorrow."

I nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. "Yeah, I have to go get some groceries and do a few things tomorrow as well. Talk to you later. Bye Felix!"

"Bye, [y/n]!" With that he disconnected. I sighed and pulled my knees in close, thinking. Suddenly, I felt disgusting. I needed to change clothes. I headed back to my bedroom and peeled the sweaty clothes I had been wearing all day off, dropping them in my laundry basket to wash later. I grabbed clean underwear and a clean bra, both in a beautiful teal and silver swirling pattern with large lace panels for the bra cups and back of the panties. They were surprisingly comfortable and supportive under garments and made me feel pretty. Next I grabbed a clean pair of yoga pants I had hand painted with Mark's channel logo and dozens of tiny warfstaches and Tiny Box Tims. Then I grabbed one of the silver women's tee shirts with my channel logo and my helmet. I did my hair enough to be under the helmet, in a sloppy, loose, low bun, and put my helmet on, heading back to the recording setup I had waiting. 

Mark stepped out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel, momentarily distracting me from what I was doing. I stopped mid-stride and just watched. He hadn't noticed me yet, and I just stayed where I was, smiling broadly and enjoying the show. When he suddenly looked up and saw me, he grinned, raising an eyebrow. "Enjoying the show, babe?" 

I took my helmet off and grinned back, winking at him. "You know it. Sorry, I was back here to change clothes and grab my helmet. Something distracted me before I could leave."

He laughed. "I am not a thing." I walked over and kissed him. He smiled sexily at me. "Do we really have to go make this vlog now?"

I chuckled. "Yeah. I have a lot to do tomorrow and as soon as we're done, I'll do a fast edit and render. It will be ready to post in the morning. That way I don't have to record and extra vlog tomorrow. I posted one earlier from the airport, before we left Boston."

Mark grinned at me. "Such a good work ethic. I still can't believe you have another job." My face changed to serious as soon as he said that and I chewed my lip again. "Baby, what's going on? Did I say something wrong?"

I shook my head. "No, of course not Mark. I just am seriously considering having to leave my other job or give up YouTube. I want to talk to you about it, but not tonight. Tonight I want to film my vlog with you, edit as fast as I can, and join you in bed. Sound like a plan?"

Mark hugged me. "A fantastic one. Let me just get dressed first, unless you really want to break the internet. Between us we have the power to break a billion brains I bet." 

I smiled as he let me go and I put my helmet back on. Mark turned back to the clothes he had laid out on the bed. I couldn't resist patting his ass, just once, as I left, skipping out of reach as soon as I did. He yelped and turned giving me a look that made me laugh. I ran down the hall to the camera and got settled in. I knew he wouldn't follow until he was fully dressed. There was a knock on my front door. I got up and walked over, looking carefully through the peephole. It was Signe. I opened the door for her. She saw my helmet and grinned, shaking her head. "Either you're a workaholic who's about to film another video, or you and Mark are really kinky and I'm going to want details later."

I laughed and lifted the helmet off my face. "I'm filming the tee shirt giveaway. Mark had to take a shower, so I got all setup and I'm waiting for him to finish getting dressed. What's up?"

Signe looked a little embarrassed. "Well, I hate to bug you, but we need something." I looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Um, we need to, uh, beg, a couple of, uh..." She trailed off. I waited a few seconds before realizing what she needed. I started giggling like crazy, making her blush.

"Really? After Jack's comments earlier? How are you sure I have some? I mean I totally do, but how did you know?"

Signe laughed a little. "Jack figured you would. He keeps calling you a girl scout and saying you're always prepared." I chuckled along with her and headed to the front bathroom. I had a few boxes in the closet. I handed her a box of condoms, just as Mark walked out to look for me. Signe turned crimson and ran out. Mark raised his eyebrows, confused. I was grinning from ear to ear. 

"Come on Mark, we have a small window of opportunity now to film this before it gets noisy." Mark looked even more confused for a few seconds, then realization dawned and he burst out laughing, loud and deep. I grinned and pulled him into the living room as I heard Jack swear through the wall. I yelled out "We can hear you Jack!" Mark laughed again, quieter. Jack swore again, sounding more muffled. I winked at Mark. "Let's go. I want to get this done before the sex sounds start."

Mark came over and sat down next to me, getting comfortable. I pulled my helmet back down into place, curling up next to Mark. As soon as I was in place, I turned the camera on. I did my usual intro. Mark was smiling at me the whole time. I introduced him as soon as I was done with the intro. "Okay, I'm sure all my lovely viewers know my guest today, Markiplier. Mark decided to follow me home after the convention in Boston, so he'll be filming with me for a few days while he visits. Jack and I might have to share him, but since Markimoo here agreed to be my boyfriend, I get first dibs. Right sweetie?" 

Mark looked at the camera, seriously. "Absolutely. Anything she wants." I chuckled.

"Well, thanks Mark. Way to make my video less creepy. Now, the real reason we are vlogging to all you lovelies tonight, I'm back home! Yipee! And as promised, one of the very first things I am doing is our fantastic tee shirt giveaway! I hadn't told all you great fans exactly how many tees I was giving away, because I hadn't decided. Well, I talked to Mark here, and he recommended I give away between ten and twenty, so we're going to go over the rules, one final time, and start drawing names based on the number of tweets our tag has gotten. So get comfy fans! This could take a while." I shifted positions slightly. "And just so you all know, All the shirts have a hand designed, by me, screen print of my logo on the front. The colors will be random, from three color options. One is navy blue, with the logo in pale blue and silver. Mark is currently wearing the second, red with a black and gold logo. The third is charcoal grey with the logo in metallic purple and teal. I also have a few women's shirts like the one I am wearing now. I will be giving away either fifteen or twenty shirts total and hope to have a way to sell the shirts soon. If and when I do, I will post a vlog about it. After this giveaway, I will be doing a smaller one on a monthly basis, of five shirts of assorted colors and designs or original artwork by me. Keep an eye on the channel to see the details for that! Now, let's get on with this." 

"Here are the rules, which will remain the same for all future giveaways unless I state otherwise. Anyone may enter the drawing by following me on Twitter and tweeting at me using the hashtag I provided, #MSHWGiveaway short for Mysterious Swirling Helmet Woman Giveaway, your tee shirt size preference, and three things you liked from a recent video. All entries will be given equal weight, but each person can only win once per year, regardless of the prize. Also, all winning tweets, which will be selected at random, will be read in a future vlog, that's this one folks. Winners will be retweeted by me on the day of the drawing and receive a DM from me, which they must respond to with their name and address so they may receive their prizes." I turned to Mark. "Okay, hot stuff, are you ready to be my lovely assistant?"

Mark grinned and winked at the camera. "You bet, babe. Let's get started!"

I turned back to the camera. "Mark is going to open my Twitter feed on a second laptop, which I have loaned him, and randomly click on entries under the hashtag. Once he has told me the username, he will show me the tweet, which I will read aloud, omitting the shirt size, and while I read the tweet he will go get a shirt, showing the color to the camera. We will attach a post it note with the winner's name to the shirt to ship out as soon as we get the address from the winner." I looked at Mark. "Hit it, Markimoo! who's our first winner? One of the very first people on the planet to get an official [Y/Y/N] tee shirt! Besides myself and you that is, Mark." I looked at the camera. "I had to give him a couple of shirts, especially since he dropped everything to come visit me on the spur of the moment." I looked back at Mark and we got started. When Mark started looking through the tag, we both realized exactly how many people had tweeted to the tag. "Wow! You guys really want these shirts! Okay, we will definitely be giving away twenty shirts. Thank you so much for all the support. These comments are amazing. Now, let's get back to it." We resumed drawing names and reading tweets until we had twenty people selected. I recorded my outro and shut the camera off, dumping the file to my computer to edit. I did a speed edit, taking my helmet off just before hand, and sent the video to the rendering software. While it was rendering, I sent the DM's to the winners. I had retweeted the posts as I read them, just to make the flow easier. The video finished just as I sent the last message, so I uploaded it to my channel and set it as my morning release. Then I added the thumbnail and shut everything down, grabbing Mark's hand and giving him a sexy smile. He had been watching me, still amazed at how quickly I worked, so he was a little surprised when I dragged him away to bed. It was late and we were tired. Never the less, we still decided to have some fun before we went to sleep.

Mark stripped the shirt off quickly and his pants and boxers soon followed. I played with the bottom hem of my shirt before slowly dragging it up, up, up and over my head, leaving me topless save the lacy and sheer bra I had on. Mark blinked and stepped towards me. His voice was deeper and extra sexy when he spoke. "Babe, you're killing me. That is a very, very hot bra. Worn by an even hotter woman." I smiled and pulled him across the rest of the distance. He growled low in his throat as we kissed. His hands were all over me, roaming up and down, leaving hot trails of desire where ever he touched. I felt his hand go the the waistband of my pants and gently start rolling them down. Once they were clear of my thighs, they dropped of their own accord, pooling around my ankles. Mark smiled almost possessively when he saw my panties and grabbed my ass, squeezing gently. I moaned very quietly into his ear. He moved suddenly, pulling my panties down and lifting me out of the pooled pants and underwear at my ankles. He tossed me gently on the bed. I watched him through heavy lids as he grabbed a condom and rolled it on before joining me in the middle of the bed. I removed my bra, tossing it aside as he crawled up to join me, leaving us both gloriously naked. We began exploring each others bodies, leaving trails of kisses, the occasional hickey or love bite, and licking our way around each others bodies, just trying to memorize every detail about the other. We found the sweet responsive spots and the spots that were less appealing to each other. We took our time, so much so, that when we finally go to the main event, both of us were slightly over stimulated. We were both panting and moaning slightly and when Mark entered me I instantly shattered, cumming so hard I passed out. The last thing I remembered was Mark groaning my name and cumming with me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost had a completely different chapter ending last chapter (in which Mark and the reader would have just gone home separately), but I couldn't do it. I have the feeling our two main characters are going to be racking up some very frequent flier miles for a little while, at least until they can make some life changing decisions.


	14. Decision Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's face it, it's time to make a big decision about your career. Will you give YouTube everything you've got, continue to split your time, or stop this madness as best you can by shutting the channel down? Also, will you seek out Jack's and Mark's opinions?

Mark and I spent the next morning stealing cuddles between errands and getting him settled in with me for his visit. Mark had to make a bunch of calls to tell people what was going on, since the trip was so spur of the moment, but he eventually got things straightened out. Matt and Ryan were going to pick Chica up from the doggie hotel she was currently staying at. Mark called his mother next, to let her know where he was and that the time difference was going to be different than it normally was. Apparently, she thought Mark had gone chasing Jack, but realized he was actually telling the truth when he had me come on the phone a few minutes into the call. I was nervous at first, but she was extremely kind and we chatted for a few minutes before I handed the phone back to Mark. 

After Mark finished his phone calls, I went next door to Jack's apartment and knocked. Signe answered the door, looking slightly surprised. "Hey, what's up, [y/n]? Were we too loud last night? Or are you just sick of Mark already?"

I shook my head. "Nope. We're going out to run some errands, mostly groceries and refilling my prescriptions for my asthma medicines and my vitamins. Do you need anything? Other than condoms?"

Signe blushed. "Well, yeah, actually we do need some stuff. Can I check with Jack real quick, or do you need to leave right now?" 

"We have a few minutes. Hey, can you please remind Jack we want to collab this afternoon. Oh, and tell him Felix will be joining us. I talked to him last night after he and Marzia got home." Signe nodded and walked off to find Jack. I leaned against the door frame looking through mt phone messages, email, and Twitter. I smiled as I saw I had gotten replies from about two thirds of the fans who had won shirts. Most of them sent back slightly incoherent overexcited replies. A few of them I had to reply and remind them I needed to know where to send the prize to. I was sending that message to one person when Mark came up behind me and grabbed me by the waist. I jumped and spun around, nearly punching him. We both looked startled for a moment before we just hugged, leaning into each other. 

"Sorry babe. I didn't mean to startle you. What are you doing anyway?"

I grinned. "Waiting for Signe to check with Jack to see if they need anything. And replying to the fans who won. A few of them were so excited they kind of forgot to put their information in the message to me. I'm just reminding them I still need to know where to send their shirt. "

Mark chuckled. "Okay, I can see that happening. What are you going to do after that?"

I looked at him pointedly. "We are going to go out and run some errands. Then we are going to come home and record some videos after we put things away and eat lunch. Felix will be joining us, by the way. He called me yesterday while you were in the shower, to reassure me that he wasn't mad about me getting more subscribers than him." I smiled. "He was surprised, but really nice about it. I mean, I knew in my mind he would be great, like always, but my anxiety was telling me otherwise. Also, I asked him for some advice. I want to talk to you and Jack as well, today if you guys don't mind, but I wanted his opinion too." I sighed. "I'm seriously considering leaving my job for YouTube full time. Or shutting down my YouTube channel all together. I never wanted all this attention and it's so overwhelming. Mostly I pretty sure I want to be a YouTuber, but doubts and fear are holding me back." I looked at Mark, trying to guess his thoughts, but not having any luck. "I also REALLY need to schedule an appointment to see a doctor about my anxiety. You, Signe, and Jack have been great, but what happens if I have an episode when I'm alone and can't calm myself down? I don't even want to think about the repercussions of that or what could happen." I shuddered and reached over to Mark for a kiss and wrapped my arms around him for comfort. 

He smiled at me fondly. "Babe, I agree you need to see a doctor as soon as we can get you an appointment. Also, we should talk. I had no idea you were even considering closing your channel down. Or leaving your job to become a full time YouTuber." He bit his lip for a few seconds. "Babe, I want you to be happy, but I have to say, I know what I would want you to do, if only for my own selfish reasons. If you became a full-time YouTuber, you could move out closer to me. California has a lot of opportunities for YouTube and acting. Plus, I'm out there, so you wouldn't even need to look for a place to live."

I bit my lip, looking at the floor. "Mark, much as I love you, and love the idea of living with you, I just don't know if we're ready for that. Besides, I would miss Jack and Signe dreadfully." 

Jack and Signe had walked up and heard the end of my statement, looking curious. "Why would ye miss us, [y/n]? We're not planning on going anywhere any time soon. Are ye?"

I looked at Jack, still biting my lip. "Maybe. I'm considering making some changes and, well, I need some opinions from people I trust. That's you, Mark, and Signe first and foremost. But not right now. Right now, I need to go run errands and buy food for my apartment. Do you guys need anything, or did you just come to say you were good and we would see you when we got back for the collabs?"

Jack wrapped an arm around Signe. "Nope, I came out to say we're coming with ye so we can get what we need. And we owe ye a box of something, since ye rescued us last night." Jack refused to look at Mark as he added this last part. I smiled a little and nodded, still wrapped around Mark. "Ye want ta drive us all, or do ye want ta ride and let Signe drive again?" I thought for a few seconds. 

"Signe can drive. I'll sit in the back with Mark and we can all start this discussion. It would distract me to much to discuss it while I was driving, but if I'm riding in the back with Mark, I should be fine. He can help keep me from panicking too. I'll be ready to go as soon as I grab my purse and keys. Is everyone else ready?"

Jack grinned and grabbed his beanie, covering his hair. He already had his glasses on, and a lot of fans wouldn't recognize him with his hair completely covered. I was completely anonymous, just dressed normally. Mark was wearing a hoodie and I reached up and tucked the last of his red floof under the hood. Signe rarely got recognized on her own, so we should all be fairly easy to miss in public. I grabbed my purse, just as Signe did the same. We locked our doors and headed downstairs to the parking lot, heading to the local supermarket first. Signe and I grabbed carts, which the guys stole to race. They never went very far from us, but they would race up and down the aisle we were in, like they were three year olds. Signe and I just shared a look and rolled our eyes. We loved these doofs, even if they were embarrassing in public. I got my list out and started filling my cart. Signe, not one for making lists ahead of time, was just grabbing whatever she thought she and Jack might need. When we got to the aisle with cereal, Mark was astonished to see there were so few varieties. I grabbed a couple of boxes of Cheerios and Shredded Wheat, making Mark move on. I knew exactly what he meant. In America, the stores would have a whole aisle dedicated just to cereal. Here, there was a small row of shelves, next to oatmeal, pancake mixes, and other breakfast type items. It made sense, it was just jarring to someone used to the American excess. As my cart filled, I was more and more glad I was not the one pushing it. Signe and Jack were taking their time, not rushing me, and I was shopping far faster then they were, but they needed a lot less than I did. When we were all finished we headed to the cashier and checked out. Mark and Jack raced out to the car, having contests with each other to see who could load the most bags in the shortest time and who could hold the most groceries at once. Signe and I just got in the car, waiting for them to finish and return the carts. I decided to call my doctor while I waited. She told me she had an appointment open the next day, in the morning around nine, so I took it. I bit my lip and called work, explaining I would be in a bit late, due to the doctor's appointment. My boss was very understanding, asking if I needed any added time off. I told him I needed to think about it and promised to call back later today. I was worried. Signe looked at me, clearly concerned. "[Y/n], what's going on? Something is clearly bugging you and you were absolutely silent the whole drive over. Are you okay?" 

Mark and Jack were just getting in the car when Signe asked me this, and they both turned to me for an answer. I hesitated slightly. Jack spoke up. "Ye can tell us anything, lass. We won't judge. Now, what's on yer mind?"

Mark reached over and gave my hand a squeeze. "Is this about what you talked to Felix about yesterday?"

I nodded, sighing. "I'm feeling a little boxed in. I started to tell Mark about this a little bit earlier, but this is going to be a long conversation. I'm not sure if I shouldn't just wait until we can all sit down and chat in my apartment or yours, Jack and Signe. I'm seriously considering making some life altering decisions." I bit my lip. Mark reached over and drew my into a hug, keeping me close for comfort and support after he let me go. I smiled at him. "Thanks Mark. I talked to Felix and he said to get all of your opinions too, but, well, I'm scared. I am starting to feel squeezed into two different people, my private, normal self, and the YouTuber with more followers than PewDiePie. On top of that, I have a boyfriend who lives in a different country and can't go out in public with him or my friends for fear of being mobbed." I was trying not to cry, but could feel tears sliding down my face. I wiped at my eyes angrily with my sleeve. "Sorry. I am afraid to do what I feel like I need to. I need to quit my job and focus full time on YouTube. Or I need to quit YouTube and focus full time on my job. I can't keep doing both. I see that now, after the convention. Also, I'm being flooded with requests to collab with other people and appear as a guest on talk shows, TV, and hell even a few bit parts in movies. My life is chaos right now and it's not helping my panic issues. I called the doctor and have an appointment tomorrow, but I'm not hopeful that they will be able to do much. I really don't want to take any pills that will screw with my head. " I took a deep breath, trying to calm down a bit. "So yeah, that's what's on my mind. I asked Felix how I would be able to know if I could make it as a YouTuber with no safety net or backup job. And how I could be sure it wouldn't all vanish as fast as it appeared." I looked down at my hands now, afraid to look at my friends. 

Mark pulled me in for another tight hug and didn't let go this time. "Babe, I had no idea. You bottle things up too much. You mentioned you were thinking about quitting either your other job or YouTube, but I wasn't even sure if you were serious." I hugged him back, just clinging like a burr to him, sliding over closer so I wouldn't be at such a strained angle. "You know, I don't have any fast and easy answers for you. I think it would be a real shame if you quit YouTube now though, before you really gave it a fair chance. I think you can make a real difference for a lot of people and you are so positive, more people need to see and hear what you are about. Your fans are devoted too. I can't see you having an issue with suddenly losing all of them unless somehow you scared them off by doing something so out of character for you that I can't even imagine what it would be. I understand how scary this is, but remember, Jack, Felix, and I are all right here to help you. All you have to do is ask." He lifted my chin up to look in my eyes. "You have to know I love you. That's not going to change even if we can't be together all the time. I just am not ready to be apart from you yet. And if you need help telling people who you really are, like at work, I am here for you, one thousand percent. Just tell me what you need, okay? If I can do it, I will." He pulled me in for a sweet, tender, slow kiss. 

I released the breathe I hadn't even been aware I was holding. I just melted into his side, relaxing for the first time all day. Jack watched, smiling slightly, but also looking sad. "Ye know yerself better than anyone else does, lass. Can ye do everything and not burn out? Probably not. Should ye try? No. But ye can rely on friends ta help ye through every change. Honestly, I'm not surprised ye are kind of going through this crisis. I'm just surprised it took ye this long. Things can't stay tha way they are for long without ye crumbling. We could see that at the convention as well. And yes, I agree with ye, pills are not what ye need except in emergencies. Ye need love and support instead. That's why Mark can calm ye down so well."

I looked up at Mark, searching his face for answers. I found only love, support, and understanding. "I still need a few minutes to think and process all this. Signe, what do you think? You're being awfully quiet."

Signe looked at me through the rearview mirror. "I think you know what you are going to do, you are just scared. And that's normal and good. It means you are reaching for a big goal. Listen and learn from the fear, but just don't let the fear hold you back. You've got this and we've got your back. What's the absolute worst case scenario? You quit to do YouTube full time and your channel fizzles out. You haven't lost anything except the job your in now, which depending on how things go when you leave, you might be able to get back. Okay, not too terrible. Now what's the best thing that can happen? You share your passions, inspire millions of people, help people you've never met overcome obstacles, make people happier and generally be a force for good in the world. That's amazing. Or flip it. What the worst that can happen if you quit YouTube? Someone someday finds out who you were and it becomes a twenty minute news headline before the world moves on. What's the best that can happen? You continue working your job, doing an outstanding job, until you work yourself to death or someone forces you to retire. Not bad either way, and much quieter."

I nodded. "I like quiet though. But you're right. I need to help people if I can. Um, can all of you come with me while we stop at work for a few minutes? I need to explain all this to my boss so he doesn't just think I'm insane." Mark nodded and so did Jack and Signe. I gave her directions and we drove to the library. I grabbed my purse and we headed in, my friends close behind me. I gave them a quick tour and stopped at my bosses office, knocking on his door nervously. I peeked in. He saw me and smiled, waving me in. "I have some friends with me, can they come in too?"

My boss looked startled for a second before he answered. "Sure, I guess. What's up? I know ye're not supposed to be back until tomorrow or the day after. What's going on?"

"First, before I explain anything, I need you to swear to keep anything I tell you absolutely secret. I mean legal departments involved secret." My boss looked at me and nodded slowly. I sighed with relief. "Okay, guys you can take the hood and hat off. These are my friends, Sean McLoughlin and Mark Fischbach. They are part of what I'm going to tell you, which under no circumstances can be repeated EVER!" I was looking down, so I didn't see my bosses face or his eyes get huge when he recognized Jack and Mark.

He made a noise, which made me look up. "That's JackSepticEye." He was looking at Jack. Jack grinned and nodded. Signe stepped out from behind Jack and sat down next to me. "Are ye Wiishu, by any chance?" She smiled and nodded. "I love yer artwork, by the way. I've bought several pieces." He looked over at Mark and did a double take. "Markiplier, too?!?" Mark grinned and nodded. My boss stared at me open mouthed. Then he asked the question I dreaded. "Are ye [Y/Y/N]?"

I looked at him. "Yeah." He closed his mouth with an audible snap and fell back in his chair. "That's actually why I'm here. I can't keep working here anymore. YouTube has taken over my life. I love this job and hate to leave like this, but I just can't work as many hours as I need to to do both jobs properly. And I feel like I can help more people if I focus on YouTube."

My boss nodded, now looking sad. "Oh, I understand, believe me. I've been following yer channel ever since ye started. Actually, I'm a huge fan of all three of yer channels and when I saw the tweets about yer channel first starting, I immediately followed ye and subscribed to yer channel. Hey, did ye know ye have more subscribers than PewDiePie?" I sighed and nodded. "Wait, does that mean ye were working the entire time ye were on vacation?" I nodded again. "Jeez. That's terrible. And don't worry. We will miss ye and all, but I certainly am not going to try to hold ye back from doing this. I do have one request. Can ye, or maybe all of ye, make an appearance here at the library? We can pay ye something, but yer hard to find to book."

I smiled, relieved. "You still have my contact information. Just call me sometime to arrange things. And remember, no one else can know. Guys, you better cover you hair again. Come on Signe. Oh, and boss, I left a few things in the server closet and at my desk, when someone gets a chance can you send them to me? We are in a hurry today, or I'd go get them now, but we have a call with a fellow YouTuber to answer in a little while. And there isn't anything too urgent anyway. Thanks for everything!"

We headed out, back to the car, and back to the apartment complex. We carried the groceries in and Mark and I were putting mine away when I heard a faint knock at the door. I went to get it and it was Signe, handing me a bag with a box of condoms. I grinned, took it, and told her I would see her later. She walked back to her apartment, waving me off. Mark looked up as I came back in. "Who was that?"

"Signe. She accidentally picked up something of mine. Now, excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom." I took the box to the bathroom and put the box away in the closet. Then I used the toilet and washed my hands. I was just stepping out the door when Mark came back looking for me.

"Hey babe, all the food is put away now. I have to ask, are you okay? I mean, all that stuff in the car... And then leaving your job like that? Do you want to talk about it, cuddle, or just get straight to work recording?"

I smiled at Mark. "Honestly? Recording will be the thing that puts me most at ease right now. Especially if I'm recording with you. I mean all this angst was just so I could do this job properly and since I am a total workaholic, the sooner I can get back to it the better."

Mark grinned at me and we headed back to the living room. He picked up my spare laptop while I got the camera and mic set up to record myself. I set up a second camera and mic and put directional sound shields on the microphones so we could do separate videos if we chose or we could cuddle together and share videos, like I had originally planned. I figured I would leave the setup like this as long as Mark was staying, unless I needed the space for something else, but I couldn't imagine what. We were in a small out of the way corner of the room, not on the main couch. We had two armchairs and a loveseat to sit on with boom arms that held both the mic and camera together that would reach either seat. We settled down on the love seat to record together first, deciding to do a few couples play-throughs for both channels. Sure the videos would be almost the same, but I didn't think the fans would mind too much, especially if they were only an occasional thing. I put my helmet on and we started recording, syncing the video. I also turned Skype on, so we could see when Felix came online. Jack had told us he would be over in a little while as well.

Mark and I decided to play some Flash games together on my computer first. We opted for soccer physics. And table tug. It was hilarious and a ton of fun. When I started losing at Table Tug, I cheated a little, whispering seductive things to Mark and grabbing his leg, completely distracting him and throwing him off his game. He tried to do the same, but I was in the game zone, and didn't fall for it. We both were giggling and laughing by the time we wrapped up. Jack knocked on the door just after we finished. Mark let him in while I started editing. This was going on my channel only, so I didn't cut much, leaving our silliness and flirting. I was ready to render the video but the time Jack got settled in his seat. I reached forward, absentmindedly almost, and swung the second boom with the camera and mic toward him. Now Mark and I were on one mic and camera, Jack on another. I turned his camera on and gave him the thumbs up. We were ready to record as soon as Felix logged in. I looked at the time and noticed we had some time before we were supposed to record, so I made us all some food. I doubted whether Jack had eaten and I knew Mark and I hadn't so I made a tray up of sandwiches, grabbed some fruit, and added a bag of chips and the container of salsa I had just bought. I also grabbed a pitcher of iced tea for us and plates, cups, napkins, and some plastic flatware for eating the fruit with. I carried it all out to the table, sat down next to Mark and started pouring drinks. Jack grinned at me. "Lass, how did ye know I hadn't eaten yet? Did ye hear my stomach all tha way in tha kitchen?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "Nope. I just know you and I know Signe. She's probably up to her eyeballs on an art project already, right?" Jack nodded. "Of course she is. So naturally neither of you had eaten yet today. Sound about right?" Jack blushed and nodded again. I stood up and walked over the wall our apartments shared. "Signe come eat! Don't make me come get you!" I grinned as I heard her surprised squeak followed by a muffled curse. Less than five minutes later she had joined us. We had a fun and relaxed meal before Signe headed back to her artwork for a while and Jack, Mark, and I settled in to record. Felix's name popped up on Skype just as I settled the helmet on my head and I turned the cameras on. I grinned and Mark answered while I finished adjusting the setting on both setups. Felix gaped at me for a minute until I settled back in my seat. 'What? What's wrong Felix?"

Felix blushed. "Um. Nothing. I just wasn't expecting a zoomed in view of your, uh, chest, when you answered."

I looked down. "The camera wasn't zoomed in. Mark picked up while I was a little closer than normal. Sorry to flash you some boob dude."

Felix swore in Swedish. "I did not need to hear that! Marzia already gets mad at me because I have noticed you have nice boobs. Shit."

Mark grinned and grabbed my chest. "They are nice. Big and soft." I tried to swat him away, but he kind of had my arms pinned. 

Jack made a pained noise. we all looked over at him. "Ergh. If ye two idiots can please NOT talk about her tha way, it would be great. She's my friend and Signe's best friend. It just makes my brain hurt."

Mark grinned and moved his arms. Felix chuckled. I was laughing and blushing hard, but thanks to the helmet, no one but me knew that. "Well, Jack, you're safe from the hot sauce tonight. Felix, I'll have to come up with another way to get back at you later." Mark whimpered behind me. Jack grinned at Mark.

We laughed and joked around for several more minutes before we settled in to record some actual videos. When we were finally settled down, we agreed on some Prop Hunt, and Mark and I were immediately put on the same team. We played for quite a while, me stopping several times to make us record intros and outros so we had clear places to break the videos. After we had recorded a few hours of Prop Hunt I suggested we switch to Who's your Daddy? and we recorded about another hour of that before we decided to call it quits for the day. I thanked Felix for joining us and we disconnected the call. I shut off the cameras and walked over to the kitchen to make dinner. Mark and Jack were hanging out, just chatting and goofing around like they always do when they are together, I made a chicken casserole and popped it in the oven, whipped together a salad, baked some bread from frozen dough I had, and made a batch of cupcakes. Everything was nearly done when I poked my head out of the kitchen. "Jack, go get your girlfriend and we can eat some dinner." Jack looked startled, but went to go get her. A few minutes later, I had everything set out and settled on the couch next to Signe and Mark, snuggling Mark close. We ate dinner, watching some Cutthroat Kitchen. Mark hadn't seen the show before and was soon hooked. I grinned when he told me this. So far, I had gotten everyone I knew who would watch the show, hooked on it. 

After dinner I brought out the cupcakes, frosting them as I handed them out. Jack was so excited he hugged me, much to the amusement of everyone in the room. After the cupcakes, Jack and Signe headed home. I sat down and started editing the videos from today, getting everything down relatively quickly. I saw Mark was working on his editing too, and offered to help him while mine rendered. He gladly accepted and soon we had gotten everything ready. He set them to render and load to his channel to be released over the next few days, just as I had done with mine. When we were done, we were both wiped out and decide to head to bed. I got changed while Mark took a shower, but I was already asleep by the time he got into bed. It had been a long emotional day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No SMUT?!? What on earth is happening? LOL. Don't worry. Sexy times will return very soon...


	15. Settling Into A Groove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You start to settle into a pattern of how things are going to work for you now that you are a full time YouTuber.

Over the course of the next few days, Mark and I established a pattern. We would get up, record, eat lunch, edit, answer comments, make dinner, and either film some additional videos and edit them, or hang out with Signe and Jack. Mark was amazed at how quickly I was able to help him get his errant schedule back to some semblance of order and we both were grateful the fans seemed to love our videos together. We decided to continue to film as many collabs as we could manage after Mark eventually headed home. I hadn't told Mark yet, but I had planned a trip to LA for the end of next month, so I could visit him, film with the Game Grumps, appear on multiple TV shows, and do a few other collabs in person. I was hoping to have my channel well enough established and my buffer of backup videos filmed far enough in advance that I could relax and enjoy the time with Mark, not doing any extra work other than answering comments while he worked or filming my guest appearance and collabs. I had the feeling that after a month apart we were going to want as much together time as we could manage. 

Mark was in a constant state of worry about when he would have to leave, how we would handle a long distance relationship. I was trying my best to reassure him whenever I could, but he was getting himself worked up into a frenzy pretty often. I was in therapy now for my anxiety issues and had an emergency plan in place, for if I had a panic attack and none of my friends were around to calm me down, as well as a prescription to take when I was having issues, one that was supposed to calm me down without having a lot of negative side effects or making me less in control of my mind and tongue. And it did have some side effects, but they were relatively minor and rare. I felt fairly secure knowing that it was only something to take occasionally anyway, like when I was going to have a convention and needed the extra support without having to rely solely on my friends. My therapist was very understanding even if I didn't tell him what had triggered the entire week of panic attacks and what my job was now. I just wasn't ready to share that information and the only time he asked had triggered a panic attack on the spot, so he hadn't asked again since. 

Mark and I were still nearly inseparable, still spending far too much time being that obnoxiously cute couple in public and in private, and spending all our spare time humping like very energetic bunnies. Jack had teased us only once, claiming he wouldn't have believed we were sleeping together at all if he didn't see all the empty condom wrappers occasionally and hear Mark every once in a while when I did something that drove Mark particularly crazy. We retaliated, telling him we wished we could say the same about him and Signe, but sadly we had been forced to go buy Mark his own set of noise-cancelling headphones. Jack blushed and left quickly after that, claiming to need to do something else. We giggled as he ran away.

There were of course times when Mark was busy with something else, besides me or work, and I left him to them, instead spending time with Signe, or Jack, or even just spending a little quiet down time to myself. And my fans all noticed and commented about the changes, commenting how much more relaxed I now seemed in the vlogs, how much happier I appeared, and how many more comments I was responding to. There was much speculation and curiosity about the cause, some fans assuming it was Mark's presence, and other wondering if I now had an editor or helpers to run the channel and answer comments. After three days of seeing this be the main topic of debate on my Twitter feed, I decided to address it in a vlog. I sat down at one of the mics with my computer, put on my helmet, started recording, and did my intro. Then I launched into may main topic for the day. "Hey guys and gals out there! Thank you all for the wonderful support and amazing number of comments all of you have left for me over the past week or two. I can't believe how many of you are watching my content, following me on Twitter, and looking at my other social media. I love all the posts and fan art! But now, the main topic of discussion for today: my personal life and the recent changes in my attitude and response times. First off, yes, Mark is still here, and yes, we are still recording as many videos together as we think you can stand. They will continue to be released over time. And yes, Mark is part of why I am happier now. Although he is not all of the reason. Thanks to you viewers, I was able to leave my other job, even though I loved it to bits, and focus solely on this channel and my social media associated with it. It's why I'm so much more active online as well. Now, that's all the answer anyone is going to get on the subject, and I will NOT share information on my personal life right now, so please be respectful of that. Oh, and please, for the love of god, stop asking Jack and Signe about me every time you see them out anywhere. It's gotten so bad, they can hardly go out for a walk, a coffee, or a date night without someone rushing up to them and getting in their faces. Knock it off. If I feel like people are prying into my personal life too much, I will most likely shut the channel down. That's almost what happened when I got back from PAX East anyway, when I realized how much of my life would now have to be spent on YouTube. I nearly opted for my other job, instead of leaving it and sticking with this. Now, I know you all love me and are interested in everything about me, but please keep in mind, I'm just a person, and an exceptionally shy one at that. I have panic attacks and anxiety issues from the thought of having no life outside of YouTube and my privacy invaded. So know that I'm not kidding when I say, if even one person finds my address and stops at my door, or takes a photo of me without my helmet, declaring it's me, the channel will be shut down, probably right away. I will disappear and go to ground. No more content and no more helping other people get over their issues. Think about that for a while." I audibly sighed. "Or if you don't care about that, think of all the hate you will be on the receiving end of if you cause that to happen. Trust me, if I am forced to end my channel that way, because I no longer have any privacy or private life, I will announce who caused it on ALL my social media before I stop posting. In fact, that may be the only video I leave up. Just so everyone is aware. I tend to either hold a hell of a grudge or be vengeful. Just so we're all clear." I paused for a minute then shook my head. "Anyway, I'm sure it won't come to that. Now, on to happier subjects. Now that I am a full-time YouTuber, I will be doing a lot more collaborative work with different people. I have already gotten a ton of requests from other gamer YouTubers, so watch for that content, but also, please leave me some recommendations. If I can, I will make it happen, but I can't promise anything at this point. I can say however I have received a number of requests to appear on TV shows and a few movies, and I am considering it. YouTube is still going to come first, but I may see what else I can add at some point. I can record a lot of videos and get a good cushion fairly quickly, but I don't want to overwork myself. Now that I also am keeping on top of the comments with so many people subscribed, and keeping up with Twitter and Tumblr as much as I can, I have had to slow down a little, but it's more than made up for by the amount of time I now have with this as my only job. One final thing before I wrap up today's vlog. I have been doing Art Saturdays with Wiishu since the channel started. Now I'm asking for some opinions. I would like to add a regular Sunday feature to take the place of one of my gaming videos if the fans are willing. I was thinking either [Y/Y/N] Reads Your Comments, from across all my social media and YouTube, or Sunday Skits with [y/y/n]. What do think guys? Or should I alternate between the two, releasing one or the other every week? Let me know in the comments or on social media. Thanks!" I did my usual outro and turned off the camera. After a quick edit and rendering it I posted the video online as my daily vlog. I smiled as it went up. I had been really consistent in uploading three videos a day since I started, with my game play or art videos going up at noon and five everyday and the vlog going up sometime during the day, usually the afternoon, between the other two. 

Mark walked into the room just as I finished adding the thumbnail and released the video. Mark came over, took my helmet off, and kissed me. I smiled at him as he pulled back and sat down next to me. "Hey baby, are you finished up with your videos for the day? I want to spend the rest of the day with you. You have been working so hard lately and have helped me get a caught up, even a little ahead. That hasn't happened in a long time, unless I was trying to get ahead to be away for a convention. I want to do something, just the two of us."

I leaned into him, snuggling him. "Sure sweetie. Any thing in particular that you want to do? Or just spend the day in bed together, making each other's toes curl and brains melt? I okay with either option. But I want to get some food first, unless you want to go out to eat? I mean, you'll have to cover your head, at least until we can get to a quiet corner out of the way, but we can if you want, or I can whip up some food for us here. I'll let you decide." I laid my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his waist and closed my eyes, breathing in his scent and listening to his even breathing and heartbeat. "We can do anything you want today Mark. I'm all caught up on videos for a while, except my daily vlogs. I even have enough for an extra week or so." I opened my eyes and kissed him again, a slow, deep, lingering, but still sweet and loving, kiss. "I'm all yours for the next few days."

Mark's smile brightened considerably as I said this. He wrapped his arms around me. "How about we order some takeout, which I will go get, and you go put on something extra sexy. We can spend the day in bed here. And we better order extra food. I have the feeling we are going to need it. I'll surprise you, okay? You can do the same for me." I grinned, nodded, and we shared a quick kiss as we separated, me heading back to the bedroom and bathroom, Mark off to go get us food. I knew he would be gone a little while so I decided to take a bubble bath and wax my legs while he was gone, both pampering myself and making myself extra sexy for him. I smiled a little, knowing he found me sexy even in sweats and a baggy tee, but I wanted to look my best for him. We both knew he was going to have to go home soon, even if he hadn't worked out the exact date yet. I stepped into the bathroom and opened the closet. There in front were the condoms, towels, tampons, and medical supplies, like bandages, peroxide, tweezers, medication, and contact solution. I reached for the top shelf, moving the condoms aside and pulling out the boxes of wax strips. I also grabbed the bottle of blackberry pomegranate bubble bath I had received as a Christmas present from a coworker. I put the bottle of bubble bath on the edge of the tub, washed my legs and underarms, and started waxing. I always waxed before I took a bath or shower, so I could wash off any excess wax easily. The scent of cocoa and almonds, from the wax strips, which contained both almond oil and cocoa butter, made my stomach growl slightly as I waxed the hair away, leaving behind silky smooth, hairless skin. I decided to wax my arms as well, since I tended to get a lot of dark arm hairs on my forearms. When I was done with all that, I put the wax strips away, grabbed alighted mirror, and plucked my eyebrows, making sure I didn't have any other stray facial hair. Then, as my final hair removal step, I trimmed my bikini line. Once I was done, I turned the water to the right temperature and ran a bubble bath with extra bubbles to soothe my tender skin. I also added a little bit of my homemade bath mix, a combination of Epsom salt, powdered milk, and honey, that softened, calmed, and soothed my skin, while also relaxing me and relieving any muscle pain I had. Since my shoulders were tight I thought it might help, as well as soothing the pain from the waxing. I finished running the bath and slid into my large tub, soaking everything but my head and face. I grabbed the remote for the small CD player I had on the other side of the room and turned on my CD of video game music, allowing myself to fully relax. I stayed in the tub for about twenty minutes, just soaking away all my stress and tension. I wrapped myself in my biggest, fluffiest bath sheet when I got out and headed to the bedroom, grabbing some nail polish as I left the bathroom. I peeked out the bedroom door, checking to see if Mark was back yet. He wasn't so I painted my toenails a sparkly dark ruby red. Then I found the underwear I was going to wear for Mark. It was a super sexy pair of stretch lace panties in a gorgeous shade of dark navy blue with sparkles of silver, looking like stars. The bra that matched went on next. Both were just slightly sheer, so my pale skin was peeking through just enough to tease and tantalize. Over this, I put on a sexy drape dress, in the same dark ruby red as my freshly painted toes, with shimmers of silver thread throughout the dress. Then I painted my fingernails, using the same red I had for my toes. I sat on the bed, waiting the three minutes I needed for my speedy nail polish to dry, and decided to add some jewelry. I grabbed my handmade music box, that I stored all my necklaces, bracelets, and rings in, searching for the perfect items. I found my silver Celtic knot rings, and put them on my thumb and ring fingers of my left hand, adding a moonstone ring to my right hand. Then I put on my silver necklace with the drop pendant of sapphires and amethyst which hung perfectly between my breasts, drawing attention, but also resting comfortably, not getting lost or digging in. I grabbed a silver toe ring, also with a Celtic knot pattern and put it on as well. Then I added some silver hoops to my ears and stepped into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and grinned. I was almost completely dolled up for Mark. I did my hair in an elegant french twist. Since I had made such an effort with everything else, I decided to actually wear some makeup for once, and opened my makeup drawer. I skipped the foundation, adding a minimal amount of blush, winging my eyeliner perfectly, adding some silver eye shadow, and finally adding my crimson lipstick that matched my dress and nails. Then I put everything away and stepped out of the bedroom into the living room, waiting for Mark to get back. I settled on the couch and curled up under the blanket, planning to do a big reveal when he came in. Before I could even get comfortable, someone knocked on the door. I went over to check to see who it was and opened it to reveal Signe. She was startled when she saw me dressed this way.

She raised an eyebrow. "Hot date planned [y/n]?" 

I grinned at her and nodded. "What's up? Hey, you look stressed, is everything okay?"

Signe bit her lip and stepped in to the apartment with me. I shut the door and followed her to the couch. "Is Mark around?"

I shook my head. "He went out to go get some takeout for us. I was using the time to get all sexy for him. Why? Did you need to talk to him about something?"

She looked at me and shook her head. "No, I need to talk to you. I know how close you and Mark are, and honestly both Jack and I are afraid of how being separated is going to effect you when he has to go home. Have you been having anxiety and panic issues lately? We haven't noticed any, but you have been spending so much time with Mark that I haven't seen you much. Jack told me he hasn't noticed you being upset and he has been here a ton, hanging out with Mark, collaborating with the two of you. Honestly, I'm almost a little jealous. You're supposed to be my best friend not his."

I smiled at her. "Honestly, I've been good. The therapist I'm seeing has been helping. I go twice a week. I haven't had any panic attacks or issues since Mark got here. Yeah, I was a bit nervous about quitting my job at the library, but not all that much, and you all talked me through it. And I think I'll be okay with being apart from Mark for a little while. I have had a long distance relationship before. Just don't expect me to be cheerful for a few days after he leaves. I also have a plan to go to LA at the end of the month, because I was asked to be on Game Grumps, and there are a number of TV shows and movies that want me to do something with them. When I come home after that, it won't be that long until VidCon, which I have been asked to go to, Mark's birthday, and then ComicCon. PAX West won't be that long after that. And one final con in the fall, GeekGirlCon, also in Seattle, but in late October. I have the feeling I'm going to be doing a lot of flying back and forth to the US. I don't mind that at all and if I'm on the west coast, I can make the time to see Mark or he can come see me. I have been thinking about this a lot and I know we can make this work. I'm more worried about Mark. Everytime he thinks about leaving, he seems to border on a panic or anxiety attack. I just hope he can handle it for a little while. I haven't told him about my schedule or plans yet. Do you think I should? I was going to surprise him with the news closer to time, as a way to cheer him up after he got home. Now I wonder if it might help him deal with having to leave."

Signe smiled at me, genuinely surprised but pleased. "You really have thought this through and made some very solid plans. I'd tell you to wait as well, but maybe ask Jack, since he knows Mark a lot better than I do. Now, I want to plan a proper girls night with you as soon as Mark goes home, so let me know when he decides the dates. I have the feeling you will need some distraction. Sound good?" I smiled ruefully and nodded. "Well, then I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing to get ready for Mark. You look amazing by the way. I don't think I've ever seen you wear proper makeup before, and I really like your jewelry choices. Although, the necklace might be a bit much. Especially with that dress. Shit, it practically makes me stare into your breasts and I don't swing that way at all." 

I grinned at her. "I know. I love this necklace." Suddenly I had a thought that made me bark out a rather loud laugh. "Oh god, it's yet another way I could take down the internet. Just a picture of me in the necklace in a v neck tee shirt and BLAM!, no more internet. Hell, I'd probably explode some heads too."

Signe giggled. "I think you're right. Now I'm going home. Have fun with your boyfriend. And I'll try to make sure Jack and I don't bug you. Just try not to be too loud." She winked at me and then looked thoughtful. "Actually, you two have been really quiet all things considered." She stood up and walked towards the door. I followed and gave her a quick hug goodbye, promising to talk to her soon. Then I curled back up on the couch under the blanket and waited for Mark. I closed my eyes after a few minutes and ended up falling asleep.


	16. Hot Date?  Oh Yeah!*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark comes home with the food...

I woke up to the sounds of the the key on the door and the door opening. I sat back up, hoping my sleepy state wasn't too evident, keeping the blanket up by my shoulders. Mark stepped in and saw me immediately. "Hey baby, sorry it took so long. The restaurant was slammed. I ordered a ton of food too, so they were slow to get it out." He set two bags of food on the table and came over to give me a kiss. As soon as he got a little closer, his eyes widened. "Babe, are you wearing makeup? I love your hair that way by the way. And what's with the blanket? Are you cold?" 

I grinned and stood up, dropping the blanket to the floor. Mark's jaw literally dropped at my outfit. He swallowed convulsively a few times and pulled me into a tight embrace. I kissed the tip of his nose and whispered "So, do you like your sexified girlfriend? I spent most of the time you were gone primping for you..."

Mark growled low in his throat. "You look amazing. Can't you tell how I feel?" He pulled me in even closer, rubbing up against me more. My grin got wider as I felt his hard cock, straining at his pants, rub against my hip. I ran my hands against his chest and nodded. He grinned, running his hands up my back looking for how to remove the dress. He looked down, starting to check for a front closure and saw the necklace. He appeared hypnotized by it, going completely still suddenly, unable to look away. I mentally chuckled and unbuttoned his shirt, taking my time, my breasts pushing into his chest, making sure his eyes never left me. I exaggerated my movements, adding as many sexy twists and unneeded grinds as I could. When his shirt was gone, tossed aside to be dealt with later, I moved my hands all over his now exposed torso, just feeling the texture of his skin. After a minute or so of that, I reached down and began undoing his pants. I got them unfastened and started working the down off his body, which seemed to break the spell he was under. He reached for me, but I was faster and danced out of the way, shoving him into the couch. His pants, now down around his knees, tripped him up further. He growled again. I chuckled and stood just a fingertip out of reach, ready to dart away again when he tried to get me. He pulled his pants the rest of the way off and tossed them on top of his shirt. His boxers followed. Suddenly, I felt very overdressed and overheated looking at his hot, naked form. He grinned at my expression and used his sexy voice on me. "Come here babe. You seem overly warm, and you definitely have to many clothes on. Strip for me, please. I want to watch you get naked for me." I swallowed and nodded a half nod. Then I reached up and let my hair down first, shaking it out, letting it flow down as it willed. I removed my earrings and the rings from my fingers, leaving the necklace on. Then I reached up and grabbed the two spots at the top of the dress that held everything in place, unfastening them with a quick movement. The dress dropped to the floor around my ankles. I stepped out of it in only my underwear and necklace, which now seemed even more spectacular. Mark's eyes were almost completely black with desire. I stepped forward suddenly and settled on his lap, kissing him, unable to stay away any longer. Between kisses he murmured in my ear "God, baby, you're so hot. You look incredible. I can't believe it." His hands ranged over me, leaving my skin feeling scorched wherever they touched. He undid my bra, easing the straps down my arms, trailing kisses, licks, and nips down my neck, shoulders, and breasts as he followed the bra material down. As soon as it was clear, he threw the bra aside. Meanwhile he had been grinding into me, through my panties the whole time. I felt like I was on fire. Mark hit a particularly sensitive spot, making me moan softly and gasp. He grinned and headed back for it.

I bucked my hips. "Mark, I need you in me now. Please." I was panting and gasping, my head reeling. He grinned wolfishly and pulled my panties down in one swift motion. He groped around for a condom in the pocket of his discarded pants, found one, and put it on. As soon as he did that he lined up with me and started teasing, going far to slow for my overheated state. I decided two could play that game and moved my hands from his shoulders to his butt, running my nails lightly over him, making him quiver. At the same time, I moved my head so I was now licking, nipping, and sucking a trail along his neck and shoulders, pressing my breasts firmly into him, creating more friction where ever I could. He groaned and thrust into me, making me stutter out his name. We quickly found a rhythm, hard and fast. I he reached down with one hand and found my clit, rubbing it gently. I was right on the edge of climax. I could tell Mark was close too. I shifted just slightly, changing his angle, and he hit the perfect spot, going just a little deeper than he had before. He panted out my name as he came and I silently screamed as my orgasm overtook me. We lay, sprawled on the couch, too worn out to move for several seconds. The blanket under us was getting disgusting, but at least I could wash it and it was keeping the couch clean. When we had both caught our breath, I looked into Mark's face. "That was amazing, just like always, sweetie. We probably ought to clean up a little though and get some food. I'm pretty hungry." I booped his nose with a finger. "I wonder what gave me an appetite?"

Mark smiled at me. "Babe, you are adorable. But I agree about cleaning up. We really made a mess. Your makeup barely came off though, except the lipstick. How did you manage that? Nevermind, I don't need to know right now." He drew me in for a kiss and then pushed us both upright into a sitting position. I was still straddling him and he was still inside me, mostly hard. "Baby, wrap your arms around me and hang on. I'm going to head back for the bathroom." I grinned and wrapped my legs and arms around him so he could carry me without having to make me move. He stood up, shifting me slightly, making both of us moan quietly. He started walking slowly, but started to walk faster when he realized it was just making us grind into each other more. By the time we got back to the bathroom, we were back to a state of near animal fucking. When he tripped and we fell, we didn't even get up. I had just enough mental clarity to make sure he was okay before I moved and we just started pounding into each other, completely lost in feeling and lust. We both came again and just laid on the floor panting in a heap for a long moment. Finally Mark looked up at me. "Babe, are you trying to kill me? I think we need to take a break and get clean, eat, and get something to drink before we do anything else. Damn. I'm starting to feel dehydrated."

I snuggled into his chest, unwilling to move first. "Sorry baby. I'm too comfy. And your friend downstairs is starting to get ready for round three already. If you want a break, you'll have to move away from me." I smirked as he looked at me a little nervously. 

"ARE you trying to kill me? Sexed to death on the floor of your bathroom? I won't complain, but it might be hard to explain." I giggled, shaking my head at him. He leaned forward and kissed my nose as he eased himself out of me and scooted back just enough to escape my warm, snuggly body. I yawned as he stood up and took the three steps into the bathroom he needed to turn the shower on. Then he went to take the condom off to throw it away and cursed suddenly, making me look up at him. "Uh, we may have a small situation. The condom burst." 

I got up from the floor and came over to him, hugging him. "Okay. It happens. I'm on the pill too, so it should be okay, you know that. But even if something does happen, it wouldn't be the end of the world. We could deal with it. Calm down Mark." Mark looked panicked. I let go of him after a minute. "Are you okay, babe?" Mark didn't respond. "Mark? Are you okay? Can you even hear me right now Mark?" He didn't respond. I was starting to get worried. His breathing wasn't normal, but I wasn't sure what to do. I guided him into the shower after checking to make sure the water was the right temperature. He still wasn't responding after I washed him up, so I cleaned myself up and turned the water off, guiding him back out and drying him off. I dried myself off and steered him back to the bedroom, grabbing a robe for myself and boxers and a tee shirt for Mark. I handed him the clothes, which he just stared at unseeing. I sighed, helped guide him into them and walked him back into the living room, sitting him down on the couch after I cleared the blanket away. I gathered the clothes strewn about the room, clearing them and taking the blanket away and stopped in the bedroom long enough to get properly changed into a tee shirt and yoga pants. Then I came back out to try to get through whatever issue Mark was having. It didn't look like any panic attack i'd ever seen. He was acting more like his brain had just shut off. He responded to direct instructions only. And his breathing was back to normal. I wasn't sure what to do. I hugged him when I sat down, but he didn't respond at all. After another ten minutes of him like this I bit my lip and decided I needed help. I hoped Jack would know what to do.

I walked over to Jack's and Signe's apartment, shaking slightly. I was terrified. What if Jack didn't have any ideas for how to snap Mark back out of it? What was I going to do? I knocked on the door and felt the familiar stirrings of a panic attack of my own, but I tried to fight them down. Signe answered after a minutes and stared at me, shock on her face. "[Y/N]? What's going on? Where's Mark?" I tried to take a deep breath to answer, but my lungs wouldn't inflate. I was afraid I was going to pass out. Signe pulled me inside immediately. "Oh sweetie! Breathe. That's good. You're okay. Breathe. In and out. Nice and slow." She turned her head toward the staircase. "JACK!! COME DOWNSTAIRS, NOW! EMERGENCY!" I winced slightly and lost count of my breathing, but Signe turned back to me and got me back into the breathing pattern that helped break my panic. I focused solely on breathing until I was calmer again. By then, Jack was at my side, rubbing my shoulder, opposite Signe.

"Sorry. I... Mark needs help, and I have no idea what to do... He's frozen? Stuck? In shock? I don't even know, and he won't respond. I thought I could be strong through this, but it's so scary and I feel like I broke him and he's not okay... Oh god..." I was sobbing now into Signe's shoulder. They both looked at me shocked. "I" I took a deep breath and tried again when my voice broke. "I left him on the couch. He won't respond to anything."

Jack and Signe both stood up, guiding me out the door. I was still crying, but not panicked or sobbing like a lunatic now, just steady tears of worry, concern, and fear. I opened the door and saw Mark hadn't moved an inch. I ran over to him and sobbed into his shirt, unable to stop myself. He stared down at me blankly for a few seconds before he looked back up. Jack came over and whistled softly. "He really is out of it. What the hell did ye do that broke his brain?" I sobbed harder, and heard Signe say something softly to Jack. "I'm sorry lass. I didn't mean it was yer fault. Let's see if we can snap him out o' this." He pried me gently off Mark's shoulder and leaned me back against the back of the couch instead. Then he got right in Mark's face. "MARK! Snap the fook out o' it. Ye're scaring yer girlfriend ta death. She had a panic attack because o' this. Get it together man!" Mark blinked three times and looked at Jack, uncomprehending. Jack rocked back on his knees. "Damn. I was sure that would get him back ta normal. I guess I'm gonna have ta try something else. I know." He reached over and slapped Mark, not gently, but not very hard either. Mark shook his head for a second and I thought we had him back, but his eyes almost immediately glazed over. "Damnit! I almost had him. I'm gonna try again harder. Ye might want ta look away, ladies." I closed my eyes and braced for the sound of a hard slap. I still flinched hard as it landed.

"Oow! What the hell? JACK?! What are you doing here? What the hell just happened?" I was so relieved I launched into Mark's side again, sobbing once more. He was okay. "Babe? Are you okay?"

I shook my head. "You freaked out. I couldn't get you to respond. I was afraid your brain was broken. You scared me so bad I had to go get he-lp." My voice broke slightly on a sob at the end. I took a deep breath. "I had a panic attack from the stress."

Mark looked at me and hugged me close. Then he looked up at Jack and Signe. "Thanks you two. I got this from here." 

They nodded and started to leave, wanting to give us some privacy. Jack added only one comment before he left. "If ye need us, come back over and get us. Ye scared tha shite outta both of us. Ye are both gonna have ta explain, but later, after feelings have settled a bit."

I felt Mark nod, and I looked over at Jack. "Thanks Jack. I promise we will explain later. I just need to settle down first and I think Mark might need to talk to you anyway about things." Jack nodded and he and Signe left, closing the front door behind them. I looked up at Mark and wiped the last of the tears from my face. "Sorry to get you all wet from tears. You really did scare me almost to death. What happened?"

Mark shivered. "I have no idea. My brain just froze. I couldn't think or feel, or move on my own. Thanks for getting me cleaned up and dressed before you went for help by the way. Fuck, that was terrifying." I nodded and cuddled into his side, afraid to say anything else at the moment. Suddenly, I thought of a way to diffuse the emotions a bit for a little while at least. 

"Mark, we still need to eat. Come on lets get something in our stomachs and watch a movie to settle down. How about Monsters Inc?" 

Mark grinned at me and nodded. He got up to get the plates and utensils to eat with and I popped the movie in, queuing it up to the intro music and title screens. I let it play while we dipped our food and we settled back into the couch, snuggled as tight together as we could manage. We ate silently, watching the movie, and at least on my part, trying NOT to think about what had happened. Once I finished eating, I set my plate on the table and stretched out on the couch, leaving room for Mark to do the same beside me. He grinned and set his plate down, complying with my unspoken invitation. I snuggled in closer and watched the movie quietly until I fell asleep. Mark had one arm over me, gently stroking my back and the other on top of my head. It was soothing, which is part of why I was able to drift off to sleep. The last thing I heard before sleep completely overtook me was not the movie, but a small "I'm so sorry babe" from Mark.


	17. Aftermath...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Mark have to deal with everything that happened.

I slept for a time wrapped against Mark's side, clinging to him like a burr, my arms encircled around him. Apparently, Mark had fallen asleep on the couch during the movie too, because my TV was still on when I woke up, playing the familiar loop at the beginning of the DVD. I yawned and uncurled from Mark enough to grab the remotes and turn it off. Then I looked over at Mark. He had large dark circles under his eyes, he was paler than normal, and even in his sleep I could see worry lines across his face. I wanted to kiss them away, but I wasn't sure how to help him. He needed to talk it out with someone, but I was almost sure I was not the right person. Maybe Jack would be. I needed to talk to Signe too. She might be able to help me sort through my feelings and clear my head after the incident earlier. I knew I couldn't let that happen again, not if I could help it. I looked at the time and realized it was still early, only about four pm. I was startled to say the least. I did feel a lot better after the nap, and Mark had managed to pry me loose long enough to clear the dishes and put the food away before he came back and fell asleep in my arms. I started to shift away from him to sit up, but he moved with me, his arms locked around me as well. It brought a faint smile to my lips. I gently removed his arms and slid out of his grasp, heading to the bathroom. After I used the toilet, I washed my hands and face, removing the last of the makeup I had applied earlier. I also brushed my hair, leaving it down and loose for once. Then I stepped back into the living room, feeling a lot more ready to face whatever was next.

Mark was waking up just as I got back into the room, just starting to look around for me. The relief on his face was very evident the moment he spotted me. I came over and kissed him, sitting in his lap for just a few seconds. "Mark, we need to talk about what happened. If you don't want to talk to me, call Bob or Wade, or go next door and talk to Jack. We need to figure this out before it happens again. I can't handle that. I'm going to go talk to Signe soon as well. That was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me and you literally almost killed me. Now, do you want to talk to me first, or one of your friends?"

Mark swallowed. I had left him no choice but to face this head on, and he knew I would follow up until he did something from my facial expression. "I'll go talk to Jack." 

I smiled at him and kissed him again. "Good. We can both head over and talk to our friends, separately, and then maybe together, so we can figure out ways to prevent this from happening again. Signe and Jack might be able to help us better together. I don't even know yet. But come on, let's go now, before we chicken out or make excuses." I stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling him along behind me. Mark didn't resist, but didn't exactly step lively either, making me almost drag him over to the other apartment. I held his hand tightly, giving it a reassuring squeeze when I knocked. I was a little surprised to see Jack answer the door.

"Hello lass. Are ye and Mark feeling better now? Signe and I were just talking about coming over ta check on ye." I blushed a little and nodded, pulling Mark in with me.

"Yes. But Mark and I need to talk about what happened, and he wants to talk to you. I want to talk to Signe. I'm hoping later we can all talk to each other and compare notes to figure out how to keep this from happening again." I looked at Mark for a minute, searching for any answers, but not finding any. I kissed him gently and turned away, a little sadly. "Is Signe in the living room?"

Jack nodded, coming over to Mark's side. I walked into the living room and heard the guys head upstairs, talking quietly. Signe looked up at me from the couch as soon as I cleared the doorway. "Oh [Y/N], are you okay? That was the worst panic attack I've ever seen you have. What the hell happened?"

I came over and sat down on the couch next to her. I grabbed a throw pillow, squeezing it to my chest for comfort, looked at the floor, and launched into an explanation of what had happened. "Okay, here it is in a nutshell. After you came over and talked to me, I fell asleep for a little while, waiting for Mark. I woke up when the front door opened and Mark came back with the food. He set it down and we, uh, well, screwed like bunnies. Twice. Then when we were trying to get cleaned up, Mark got ready to get in the shower and noticed the condom had burst, making him swear then freeze up like you saw. I washed and dressed both of us, cleaned up a little, and tried my damnedest to get him back. Nothing was working so I came over for help. Just as I knocked, the fear of what would happen if Jack couldn't help hit me hard and I panicked just as you were opening the door. You know what happened after that, until you and Jack left. After that, we ate some food and started watching a movie, but we both fell asleep before it was over. When I woke up, I straightened myself up and came out tried to talk to Mark. He looked so stressed, and I was afraid he couldn't talk to me about whatever spooked him, so I forced him to come talk to Jack. Well, actually that's not quite true. I told him he either had to call Bob or Wade or come talk to Jack. Then I had to practically drag him along behind me." I stopped to take a deep breath and looked over at Signe. "What am I going to do? I mean I know condoms fail, and I am on other birth control, so I'm not even worrying about that part. It's Mark I'm so worried about. Do you have any thoughts that might help?"

Signe blinked at me, with her mouth fallen open, looking stunned. "Holy shit. No wonder you were such a wreck. That would have been enough to make anyone lose it. And you don't know why Mark froze up like that?"

I shook my head. "Maybe from stress? I know he's getting really worried about going home soon. He won't talk to me about it, but everyday he seems to get a little more tense and anytime anyone mentions it, he visibly tenses, even if it's just someone in his comments section. I don't want him to feel like that, but I have no idea exactly what he is thinking either. He's too closed mouthed about his feelings. I mean, I get not liking to talk about things, but he seems to be taking it further." I looked at Signe, on the edge of crying.

She reached over and hugged me, a friendly hug. I started sobbing, unable to hold it together any longer. She just stayed where she was and let me cry it out. After I had managed to calm down a bit, she let me go. "Sweetie, this is bigger than we can deal with alone. We need Jack and Mark in on this. Mark needs to hear what you are saying here too. I doubt he knows how you feel anymore than you know what he's thinking right now. Usually the two of you communicate pretty well, but for some reason the two of you aren't here, am I right? Or have you told him this and voiced your concerns?"

I blushed and shook my head. Signe hugged me again for a few seconds, knowing I needed the comfort. I dried my eyes a little better with a tissue and blew my nose gently. "Sorry. I hate crying. I'm usually so good about keeping it together too."

Signe smiled. "I know. You only ever cry after a panic attack or when your hormones are seriously out of whack. Honestly, you should probably cry more than you do. I think you tend to bottle your feelings up too much, or push them away. It's more healthy to let them out, at least every once in a while. Now, you wait here. I'm going to go upstairs and see if Mark is okay and maybe see if he's ready to come talk. That's really going to be the only way to fix this. I'll be right back sweetie. If you need to cry some more, go right ahead." I smiled a crooked smile at her and shook my head. I was done crying for the day, at least I hoped I was. I closed my eyes, sighed, and flopped back into the familiar couch cushions, the ones I knew almost as well as my own. This was a mess. How were Mark and I going to get through this? I loved him, more than I thought possible, but I really couldn't handle another attack like he had experienced. I knew if he had one, I would immediately have another massive panic attack and no one would be around to save me. I would stop breathing. I would pass out. I might die before my body remembered how to breathe, or at very least cause great harm to myself either from falling when I passed out, or from lack of oxygen to the brain. I looked at my hands helplessly, trying to find a solution that didn't involve Mark and I having to break things off. I honestly didn't know at this point if either of us could. We had come to rely on the other so much that it physically hurt to be away from him, even just as far as we were now, at opposite ends of the same apartment. I shivered and tucked my knees into my chest, tucking my feet on the edge of the couch for balance, and buried my face in my knees, closing my eyes tightly to block out the world and hopefully any negative thoughts. I concentrated on just keeping my mind absolutely blank, thinking of nothing, and breathing. I may have rocked back and forth, but I'm not sure. That's how Jack, Mark, and Signe found me when they came downstairs, after about half and hour or forty minutes. I had no idea how long I was like that, only that I was so locked into position, blocking everything out that none of them could get my attention at first. The tried, or so they told me, by calling out to me, touching my shoulder gently, shaking me a little, and finally, the way that broke me free, pulling my feet off the couch and settling them on the floor. The sudden change in pose and light knocked me back into the present. I blinked at them, startled that they were all there, not still upstairs. Signe came over and sat beside me, on one side. Mark sat on my other side, pulling me into his lap and the tightest hug he had ever given me, refusing to let me go afterwards. I looked at him, surprised again, and he started kissing me, repeatedly. Signe giggled. "Sweetie what happened? We couldn't get your attention. At least Mark is happier and clearly glad to have you back."

I shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs. "Sorry. I was just focused on trying to stay calm. I was basically mediating and zoned out. How long were you trying to get my attention? And how long were you upstairs?"

Jack looked at me a little worried. "Lass, are ye sure ye're alright? Ye don't look too good right now. Signe came upstairs for us quite a while ago. Have ye been like that tha whole time?"

I blushed and looked down, not answering. Mark kissed my nose. "Oh, [Y/N], I'm so sorry. You shouldn't do that to yourself though. It could be dangerous. Also, it was scarily like what just happened to me that made you panic." I snuggled into Mark's warm presence, trying to comfort both of us. He smiled at me, tightening his grip a little, but not painfully. We just sat like that for several minutes until Jack cleared his throat.

"As lovely as this is, ye really need ta talk this out ta each other, not Signe and I. We're happy ta offer advice after, but ye need ta listen ta each other first. Mark, ye scared her so bad she nearly had a panic attack we could barely get her out of. Lass, Mark has been tiptoeing around his leaving because he doesn't want ta worry ye."

I shifted positions, looking into Mark's face. "Really Mark?" He nodded looking down. "Oh, Mark, sweetheart, don't. Just don't. I can handle a long distance relationship. Hell, I had already made some plans anyway that would mean we could still see each other fairly often. I was going to wait to tell you at first to surprise you, then I talked to Signe about it earlier and decided to tell you today, but we, uh, got distracted." I heard a chuckle and a giggle from our friends. "Honest, I think we can do this. I know you need to go home soon. You need to work. You need to see Chica. You need to be back to your familiar surroundings. I understand babe. Yeah, it will suck when you leave, but I promise, I can cope. I've been worried you can't. Actually, that's been worrying me a lot more than my not being able to cope. I have friends I can talk to, right here, if I need. I'm seeing a therapist twice a week. I have a load of Internet friends and support if I need it. And I'm not afraid to ask for help." I pulled Mark in for a kiss.

When we separated, he looked at me questions in his eyes. "Babe, you never said anything about any of this. I had no idea what you were thinking. I was so scared that you were just going to hole up and fall into a deep depression that I felt like I couldn't say a word."

I shook my head and rested my forehead against his. "Oh Mark, you goof. I didn't know that was the problem either. I've been making plans ever since I came back from PAX. I'm going to be making several trips to LA soon. I'm going to be a Guest Grump. I'm going on talk shows. I'm being asked to appear in several TV shows and movies. VidCon wants me to come. Then there's your birthday, which of course I'll be there for, and PAX West, ComicCon, and another convention in Seattle in October, called GeekGirlCon, and I suspect I can slip away for a quick visit then. I'm hoping we can get together for my birthday as well, but we might have to postpone that a little while. And I'm definitely flying home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. My family isn't all that far from Cincinnati. Maybe we could get together then as well? We can work this out. I doubt very highly that there will be even a month between now and whenever that we don't see each other in person. And with as busy as we are, that's pretty damn amazing." I shifted to look into Mark's eyes. "I know I can do this. Can you? And do you trust me, when I say I know I can do this?"

Mark stared into my face for several seconds before he swallowed hard and nodded. Then he drew me in for another hug, not quite so bone crushing, and a sweet kiss. "You have been planning this all along? Why didn't you say anything? Didn't you know how worried I've been about you? And yes, I trust you. I trust you with everything."

"Mark, how could I know this was what was eating at you? You never mentioned it and every time I started to bring up anything about you going home, you bordered into panic attack territory. I was scared to even try to approach the subject, to be honest. Yes, I have been planning this. You know I'm a planner and have to have backup plans for everything if I can. Or at least I thought you did. Next time babe, TELL me what you're thinking or worried about."

Mark smiled a little ruefully. I heard Jack laugh behind me and turned slightly to face him. He grinned at me. "Mark is a worrier, lass. Ye both are. Tha difference is ye plan contingencies ta the point of driving yerself crazy and he just broods about things. Ye need him ta make ye see that not everything has ta be planned and he needs ye ta knock him out of his moods sometimes." 

Signe shook her head. "Jack, that's not entirely true, but there is certainly some truth to it. [Y/N], you need Mark to relax and remind you you can cut loose a little. Mark, you need her to help you plan ahead so you don't have to worry quite so much. You thrive on chaos. She thrives on stability. But somehow the two of you balance each other without making the other crazy. And Mark, she told me before that she's been in long distance relationships before. I believe her when she says she knows how to make this work." I smiled at Signe before looking back into Mark's face, trying to see if he was any less concerned or more comforted by the discussion.

He looked a lot less stressed, looking relieved instead for the first time since he had frozen up earlier. I kissed his jaw and rested my head on his shoulder. He looked into my face and grinned. "I feel a little silly now for not talking to you all along now. You are so level headed. But I was scared of triggering a panic attack for you. That's what was making me panicky."

I chuckled. "Sweetheart, I don't have panic attacks about things like that. Usually I only have them if I feel threatened by something, like losing my privacy or, well, you, or something overwhelms me completely. Oh, or is someone hits a particularly painful insecurity." I shivered slightly. "I had somethings happen in my past that have left some emotional and mental scars that cause an instant panic attack if they are poked too closely. That's part of why the privacy issue has come up. The experiences have made me uncomfortable with being the center of a group of people's attention." I shivered again, unable to help myself and turned my face into Mark's shoulder, not wanting to think about the past.

"Babe." Mark patted my back, comforting me. "It's okay. We all have scars. Hell, some of us have physical scars we are insecure about, others it's emotional or mental, that's all. We just need to be mindful of each others pain and we should be okay. Now, let's talk about something else. This is depressing as hell." He leaned over and whispered in my ear "We can pick up the conversation about the rest of what happened later, when we're alone, okay? I love you baby."

I turned my head slightly, before Mark could move back and kissed him. "Thanks Mark. I do feel better." 

Jack grinned at us. "Well, if that's all cleared up, let's plan a double date for tonight. Ye could both use tha distraction and Signe and I need a fun night. We don't have ta go anywhere, before ye get excited lass. We can just have a board game, pizza, and movie night or something equally relaxed. Pretend it's a 'girls night' like ye plan with Signe and just include Mark and I, [Y/N]. What would ye be doing?"

I grinned at Signe and winked. "Well, we would start by me listening to Signe complain about you Jack, then I would whine about being too busy, and we would stuff our faces with the homemade goodies I had prepared, play some games on our computers, mostly Rocket League or something else were we can kick some ass, and then order pizza. That would be when Signe usually goes upstairs to ask if you want to join in and we watch some TV." I laughed as Jack looked embarrassed and outraged. Signe laughed as well. Mark was grinning.

Signe stopped laughing first and went to Jack's side, kissing his cheek. He turned to her, almost accusingly. "You doof. She's teasing. Do you really think that's what we do? I don't complain and she doesn't whine. Did that really sound like us? The rest was true though. We would be stuffing our faces with goodies, ordering pizza, and playing games. Jack, you goof, you have actually been to our 'girls nights' before, the whole thing, not just the end." She shook her head, mockingly. "I can't believe that tricked you."

I chuckled. I looked at Jack with an evil smirk. "I guess your not the only sneaky sneak around here..." This made both men laugh. 

Jack looked at me again. "I always forget you can tell me the biggest load o' crap completely straight faced when ye want. It's kind of maddening. Do ye do it ta other people too, or just me?"

I grinned at him. "Just my friends, Jack. Sorry. My oldest friends all saw me make up the most outrageous lies in high school and college to explain why I hadn't finished assignments, and get away with them because they were actually believable. I usually got extensions when I wanted or excused from a few assignments." My face fell. "Actually, a few of the assignments I was excused from were completely legit. We were supposed to write a story based off a novella we had to read for an English Lit class and it was about something I couldn't handle. I talked to the professor, but he refused to excuse me from reading it. I went over his head to the college Dean, because it dealt with abuse, rape, and suicide. Six of us were excused from the assignment because of past history." 

Mark squeezed my shoulders again. "Someday, I hope you can tell me what happened to you babe. When you're ready though."

I nodded. "I hop so too. I haven't even been able to talk to my therapist about it yet. It's too painful. I can tell you a few things. It involves abuse, both mental and physical, depression, bullying, and self esteem issues. There is another incident too that involves a stalker and..." I stopped unable to continue, nearly in tears again. 

"Baby, don't do this to yourself. I don't need to know right now. Come on, please. No tears." He kissed my forehead again as I struggled to regain my mental composure.

Signe came back over beside me. "Sweetie, let's go bake something for dessert. That should help. You guys are welcome to join us if you want." She tossed this comment to Mark and Jack as she hauled me to my feet, pulling me out of Mark's lap. He made a whining noise as I got up. 

Both men followed us back to my apartment. I turned to the group now standing in my kitchen. "Cookies, cake, cupcakes, or brownies? I think I have everything to make any of those."

Jack grinned. "All the desserts!" Signe rolled her eyes and smacked his arm. I giggled a little. Jack pretended to pout. "Fine. Um, cookies or cupcakes." 

Mark was grinning as well. "Cookies are the fastest I think." 

Signe nodded. "I vote cookies as well." I grinned and opened the fridge getting out ingredients. Then I opened the freezer and got out three small packages, wrapped in plastic and foil. I set them on the counter to thaw for a bit, moving on to the cookies. We whipped up a triple batch of super rich fudge brownie cookies with raspberries and chocolate chunks. While they baked, I made another batch of cookies, chocolate banana meringues this time. I then got out my cooling racks, setting them up just as the first batch of cookies came out of the oven. Onto the cooling racks they went and in went the meringues. I switched out cookies until everything was baked properly and cooled or cooling. Mark, Jack, and Signe had all grabbed a few hot cookies and settled on my couch. I watched them, smiling. I was a lot more relaxed now then I had been. I joined the group on the couch, claiming my spot on Mark's lap as soon as all the cookies were backed. I brought a plate of cookies out for myself, as well as a bigger plate for everyone to share. We all decided to watch a movie next and Mark and Jack were discussing which one to put in when I surprised everyone by simply getting up and putting something else entirely in. We were going to watch Star Trek. Hey, it was my home, my movies, and my TV. They could deal with it. 

I relaxed into Mark again, curling into his lap and warm presence, wrapping myself around him comfortably. He smiled and stroked my hair absentmindedly as we watched. After the movie, we all decided we were hungry and Jack ordered a pizza. We then decided we were going to play a board game. I hauled out several selections from my collection and we formed teams. Of course it was couples, which was oblivious since we were calling this a double date. It was a lot of fun and we played well into the night, eating pizza and just having fun together as a group. Jack and Signe finally headed home around one in the morning. I surprised Jack by giving him the goodies I had pulled from the freezer earlier, wrapped in foil, two cupcakes, a very large chunk of brownie, and a huge slice of cake. He grinned and almost squealed with delight, until Signe took them from him and told him she would be in charge of them until later. Mark and I headed to bed right after that, too tired to stay up any later talking, but both of us amused by the lastest interaction between Jack and Signe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a little while. I've been having more than usual sleep issues and some depression, so writing has been a little tough. Gotta power through though. 
> 
> And my Jack X Reader has been getting more updates for the last week or so because I had an idea hit and had to go with it before it got away. XD The life of a writer...


	18. Dealing With the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Mark have agreed it's time for him to go home soon. Now you need to have a serious discussion before he leaves...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold on to your hats people! This is going to be a dark chapter. PLEASE tread lightly. ARCHIVE WARNINGS AND TAGS HAVE BEEN UPDATED FOR THIS CHAPTER!!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Mentions of stalkers, RAPE/non-con, ABUSE, KIDNAPPING, bullying, SUICIDE attempts, EATING DISORDERS talked about here. I try to handle things in a way that isn't too dark and descriptive, but these things are real problems that real people face. If you need to skip this part, there will be separation marks (___) before and after where it starts. It shouldn't effect the overall story, other than explaining a lot of the backstory. If you are particularly sensitive, you might want to skip this chapter entirely. Please be safe.

The next morning was painful for Mark and I, as we needed to discuss all the things we had been tiptoeing around for weeks now. Neither of us much wanted to discuss when Mark was going to have to go home, but we agreed to sit down and discuss it like adults. So that's exactly what we did, both of us sitting next to each other, computers out so we could plan the next few months. "Okay babe, I really need to get home by the end of next week. Matt and Ryan have been great about keeping Chica, but I have to get back. And they are going to be going away that weekend."

I nodded. "Let's get your return flight booked then." We looked at times and airline schedules. Mark was adamant, no flights with Delta. I nodded agreement as we looked and finally found a flight that would work, getting him home on Monday next week. I sighed as he booked the flight and confirmed the ticket. "I'm going to miss having you here all the time Mark."

"I know babe. I'm going to miss you too. I really wish that you were living in the states again."

I smiled, shaking my head. "I know. But I don't want to shake things up too much just yet. I'm finally getting comfortable and settled. And I really need the therapy sessions. Besides, Jack and Signe are here."

Mark made a face. "I know. I know. You have good reasons for not wanting to move. I just can't help wishing things were different."

I smiled and leaned into his shoulder. "Wish away sweetheart. Besides, it's not like I'm saying I'll never move back to the US, or that I'm giving up my US citizenship. I just need some stability in my life right now. Besides, you would be why I'm moving, and I don't think we are quite at that level yet. Close, but not just yet. Let's see how the long distance part goes before either of us make any big plans for the future, okay? I have faith in us, but who knows what's going to happen tomorrow. Hell, I couldn't have predicted any of this so far. Can you just wait and see?"

Mark nodded. "I know. It's been crazy. I just know what you mean to me. Being apart is really hard. But let's focus on when we can be together. Now, when did you say?"

I smiled and kissed Mark, comforting him. "Well, this is May." I pulled up the calendar. Mark nodded. "Your plane leaves here, the second Monday of the month. I need to be in LA for the Game Grumps recording sessions and TV show stuff the last week of the month and possibly the first week of next month. Then VidCon, at the end of June and your birthday. In July, I've been asked to come to Comic Con. I have some movie roles and TV appearances in mid August and then PAX West the last week of August and the first week of September. My birthday is late September as well. And then a con in October in Seattle, called GeekGirlCon, at the beginning of the month." I leaned on Mark's shoulder. "After that, nothing until Thanksgiving and Christmas, but my family doesn't live that far from Ohio, so if we wanted to get together, that would certainly be possible. That puts us all the way into January seeing each other once a month for at least a week. Think we can manage that, sweetie?"

Mark pulled me into his lap, setting both computers aside. "You planned all this for us before I even mentioned going home? You're amazing. Yes, I can definitely handle this if you can. Plus, we might be able to squeeze some extras in, especially if I fly to meet you, instead of you always coming to me." He leaned in and kissed me gently. "This really is doable. I was so worried about us."

I smiled at Mark. "I'm sorry Mark. I wish you had come to me and told me, instead of trying to guess how I'd react and avoid the conversation. Although, I should have come to you as well. I was just trying to get everything scheduled so I could surprise you. Can you forgive me, please?"

"Babe, it's not something I need to forgive you for. You have had this all in place and prepared for me. And you knew what to do. I was wrong, not you. I wish I had come to you as well, but what's done is done. Now, I want to think about fun stuff for the rest of my trip here. What do you want to do today, other than record the daily vlog post? Record some more silly fun couples games? Do something away from YouTube? Talk to friends online? Play some games together, not on camera? Or something else entirely, like spending the entire day with your fabulously goofy boyfriend in bed?" He kissed the side of my neck, sending shivers along my spine. "I know which ones I would like most, but I want to know what you want too."

I looked at him. "Which _ones_? More than one, plural? Just what do you have in mind sweetie? I thought you would be hoping for the day in bed alone. Although, to be honest they all sound amazing. Any day I get to spend time with you is a good day, and if we spend all day just playing games, saving the editing for another day, that would be good, or even not recording. But if you want to see who's online today and talk to friends or family, I open to that too. I'd love for you to talk to some of my old friends or family members. And I always like talking to other YouTubers. Whatever you want, since you have to leave in a few days." Leaned into his chest, curling around him like a trailing vine while he thought. Suddenly, I reached a hand up, ruffling his hair. "I love you. But you need a hair trim and your hair needs touched up." Mark grinned down into my face, rubbing my nose with his. 

"Was that an idea for what to do today?"

"Uh, not really. I mean, we can if you want, but I doubt you want to sit in a strange hair salon all day." 

"Yeah, that's not the best sounding idea. Let's log online and see who's on. If no one is, we can always play some games for a while or" he raised his eyebrows, trying to look seductive, I think "somehow pass the time." 

I giggled. "You dork. That was not very seductive. You would have done better to pitch your voice deeper." I demonstrated with my own version of a sexy voice. "Like this."

Mark shivered deliciously under me. "Stop that. I want to see if my family is online, and I don't need a boner when I call my mother. Even if you are hiding my lap, it might be distracting. Scratch that. It would be distracting. Same for my step-mother or brother." I laughed and kissed him again, trailing kisses down his jaw and neck as I pulled away. He growled. "You're playing a dangerous game here, babe."

My eyes danced. "I love games. And I love you."

Mark grinned hugely. "I can't be mad at you. You're just too cute. And you know I love you too. But seriously, let's see if anyone is online."

I blew out a sigh. "They won't be yet. Remember, the time zone difference is at least four hours with anywhere in the US. I know from calling my family. It's like four thirty in the morning there. I doubt they're going to be happy to see your face at this time. But if you don't want to play with your girlfriend, I guess I'll have to go take a cold shower, alone, and make some breakfast." I stood up, feeling the robe I was wearing as pajamas, slipping open. I got a devilish idea and started walking away, untying the robe as I went. Be the time I was just out of reach it was completely undone, and I simply walked out of it, tossing it to the stunned statue Mark had become on the couch with a wink. Then I raced down the hall into the bathroom before he could realized what I had done. I grinned and locked the door, taking my time gather shower supplies after I turned on the water to warm up. I heard Mark a minute or two after I got in there, rattling the handle. 

"Babe? The door is locked." I said nothing, just grinned widely. "Babe? [Y/N]? Can I come in and join you?" Still I said nothing. "Can you even hear me?" 

I laughed. "Oh, I can hear you Markimoo. You just haven't said the right password yet."

Mark groaned. "You're torturing me." 

I opened the door with a grin. Mark was standing on the other side of the door in just his boxers. "Bingo." Mark laughed and grabbed for me, but I stepped out of the way nimbly. "Not so fast, Fischbach. You have to pay the toll first."

Mark stopped, looking confused. "What toll?"

"The toll to enter the bathroom. Entry fee is two kisses. Change can be given upon exit." Mark laughed, throwing his head back with amusement, and pulled me in for kisses. 

"Keep the change lover." I smiled and snuggled close, enjoying the silly banter and teasing we had been doing, but also enjoying having his arms wrapped securely around me. I sighed and stepped away after a few seconds, getting in the shower. Mark immediately followed me in. The next hour was spent in a warm, soapy, sex-filled haze that neither of us remember clearly. All we can seem to remember is how good it felt, how much fun we had, and how tired and relaxed we were after. We climbed out eventually, dried each other off, and got dressed in comfortable clothes. I was wearing my usual YouTube attire, black pants of some type or dark jeans, and a tee shirt, somehow geek related or promoting someone's YouTube channel. Today it was a Markiplier's Heroes tee shirt. Mark grinned when I finished getting dressed and came over to me wrapping his arms around my waist. "You look good wearing that shirt."

I smiled at him. "Thanks Mark. You know, your livestream charity events were the first actual charities that I ever donated money to. I had volunteered before, but never sent any money previously."

Mark smiled back at me. "I'm glad I inspired you."

"Always. You and your friends, especially Jack, have been a huge inspiration and have kept me sane through some really bad stuff. You have no idea. I have always felt like if I needed a distraction or just someone to hang out with, even before I met any of you in person, that I could go to your channel, anytime of day or night, and not be alone." I shivered and cuddled in closer to him. "You guys are the reason I'm still here."

Mark lifted my chin up, to look in my eyes. I tried to look away. "Babe? What exactly does that mean?"

"Mark, let's sit down and snuggle. I need to tell you about some bad things that happened to me in the past."

Mark and I headed for the couch. Mark looked at me worriedly. I hugged a pillow and tried to gather my thoughts. Mark kissed me gently. "Babe? Do you really need to do this NOW?" I nodded. "Well, then wait a few minutes please. Let's get Signe and Jack over here to help deal with it. I think I'm going to need the help and I'm almost sure you should tell them as well, unless it's too personal. Can I go get them?" I nodded, checking the time. Jack would probably be up by now, it was just about ten, after all. Mark went over and knocked on their door. Jack and Signe came right over, looking worried. I smiled at them and asked them to sit down, but something in my face must have clued them in that this was going to be a bad conversation.

As soon as Mark settled in behind me, I curled into his lap, snuggling as close as I could get, needing his warm presence for what I was about to share. I took a deep breath. "Guys, this is going to be the hardest conversation of my life. Once I start, please don't interrupt. Most of this stuff, I've never told anyone, including my Mom, brothers, or therapist. Some of it a few doctors know, but no one else has ever had the whole story. It's really bad." I squeezed the pillow tighter and looked around. "I trust all of you, more than I have ever trusted anyone in my life, or else I still couldn't talk about it. It's going to explain some of my anxiety issues, I think, but I don't think it's going to help me get over them anytime soon." I looked down at my hands and got ready to start talking.

Mark hugged me before I said a word. "Baby, if this get too bad, stop. We can wait. You don't have to torture yourself to share this if you aren't ready. We will understand. If the I'm reading what you've been suggesting correctly, this is a lot to handle. Just know I love you no matter what. I love all of you, exactly the way you are now, including the past, since it has lead you to be the person you are now."

I felt tears threatening, but swallowed them down. "Thanks Mark. That really does help, but I need to tell you all of this anyway." I sighed, took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and began. 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"It all started in high school. I was not the most popular student, but I had enough friends, and I was fairly happy at school. At home my life was... ...not good. My father was abusive. Mentally and physically. School was my escape. Then I started to have trouble with bullies, picking on me because, at the time I was overweight. I didn't have the protection of a large group of friends or the help of anyone to shield me from it and it was mostly just comments in the halls and lunchroom, but between my home life and the bullies, I started to crumple under the pressure. I stopped eating, for days at a time, or ate the smallest amount I could, forcing a salad or sandwich down, afraid I was going to throw it right back up, which I did occasionally, although never on purpose. I started losing weight because, obviously, I wasn't eating enough. At first no one noticed. Then people started telling me how good I looked. That lasted all of a few months, until they all stopped, just telling me how tired I looked all the time, or asking if I was okay. Nobody had figured it out. Then I hit an unexpected growth spurt, and I started to look too thin. My mother was really worried and took me to the doctor several times, but he just waved it off as normal teenage development, not connecting the weight loss before the growth spurt to anything. I had changed doctors not long before to be fair, so he never saw me while I was overweight, and there was some mix up with the records so he didn't have my chart from the previous doctor. He just ordered me on a vitamin booster and told me to eat more, making jokes about teenage metabolism. Mom started watching me eat at home, so I was forced to actually eat at least one meal a day, but I still tricked her into thinking I was eating a lot more than I was. Before long, I was rail thin and you could count my ribs. I looked like one of the images from the 'Save the children' campaigns. Then my father hit me so hard he broke my arm and three ribs. I was hospitalized. While I was in the hospital, I couldn't hide how little I was eating and they made me start seeing a nutritionist, who realized what the problem was and forced me into therapy sessions for anorexia. My problems with the abuse at home came to light and Mom left my father. After that, I was able to start recovering, but it was a long road back, and I still had to work hard not to slip. I started learning how to cook, which I found I loved and gained weight again, maybe just a little more than I should have, but I was happier than I had been in a very, very long time. I graduated high school with great grades and headed to college. I flirted and dated a little, but nothing serious. Typical college stuff. I wasn't a big partier, and my friends knew that, so I was rarely asked to go to parties. I didn't mind, focusing on my own interests and hobbies, mostly video games, art, cooking, and studying. By the end of freshman year, I had a guy who was interested in me, but I wasn't really into him, so I gently turned him down a few times. He kept trying and eventually I agreed to one date. It was horrible. I refused to go out with him again, hoping the summer break would cool his interest in me. It didn't. I started avoiding him, but he seemed to get more and more obsessed." I stopped for a minute, shaking. It was very hard to remember this part, but I knew Mark needed to know. He deserved to hear everything. His sudden hug helped calm me down a lot. He handed me a tissue. I blotted my eyes, not even realizing I had been crying. "Sorry. This next part is BAD. About two months into Sophomore year, the guy started stalking me, according to the police. I didn't know this at the time. What I did know was suddenly, right after fall semester midterms, he grabbed me one day. I tried to fight him off but he..." I swallowed. "He kidnapped me. He held me captive in his apartment for three weeks. He r-r-r-raped me. Repeatedly. He threatened me. He dragged other friends of his in to r-rape me. He told me I was worthless, a whore, a bitch, useless. He abused me in every way he could. I was rescued before he broke me, but it was close. I spent a month in the hospital recovering from the physical damage he inflicted on me. I was in therapy again, but it didn't help this time. I was constantly scared, afraid of all men for a long time. That's why privacy is such a trigger for me. During my recovery, I started working in the library. I excelled, quickly being promoted up from a book page to an assistant who could do almost any job. I changed majors in college too, switching to engineering and computers from education. I was finding myself less and less able to deal with large numbers of people. It was a perfect fit and I enjoyed my classes a lot. Outwardly, things appeared to be back on track for me. Then summer came along. I went home. I was fine for a few weeks, but by the end of July, I was withdrawn and unhappy, unable to explain why. My house was too crowded, too many people were constantly in and out visiting, and I needed more space, but I didn't understand that was what was going on, so I just withdrew into myself, growing more and more uncomfortable, unhappy, and unable to cope. No one noticed. I'm not proud of what happened next. In the last week of July, I couldn't take it anymore. I snapped and tried to kill myself, swallowing an entire bottle of sleeping pills that had been prescribed for me because of my growing insomnia. Chris walked in just as I past out. He figured it out and dialed 911, saving my life." I shivered again, looking down, unable to look at anyone anymore. "He has always claimed I saved him from our father, so saving me from myself was the least he could do. Anyway, the hospital saved me, but I was put on suicide watch. The therapist helped me figure out what the problem was. I was diagnosed with depression, social anxiety, and PTSD. When I went back to school at the end of August, I moved into an apartment alone, and things started to turn back around for me. I got a lot better, very quickly. I was still going to therapy three days a week, working at the library on campus, and going to school full-time, but I never felt overworked. I even graduated therapy by the beginning of my senior year. I graduated my classes with high honors and got a job in a public library working on computers. I had gotten over my fear of men, mostly, by this point, even dating occasionally. I got together with friends at least once a week, until they all started moving away. After Alex left, I kept working at the library until they had to downsize my job. That's when I came to England to visit my cousin, Jacob. Then I found a part-time job and saved up enough to take a proper vacation, touring Ireland. You all know what happened after that." I stopped talking, still unable to look at my friends. I was too afraid they would hate me for the things I revealed. 

Mark hugged me tighter, pulling me into his chest. "Oh my god, [y/n]. I had no idea. That's awful." I sniffled, trying not to cry all over him. Mark put a hand on my chin, gently, lifting my face up to look into his. "I love you, babe. This doesn't change that, just in case you were worried. Actually, all it does is convince me you are a lot stronger than I knew." He pulled me in for a kiss. I melted into him, all the fear and tension in my body just flowing out like water from a sieve.

When we separated, I glanced over at Jack and Signe. They were both looking at me, sadness and concern on their faces. I was surprised to see it looked like both of them had cried a little too. I reached for the tissue box and handed it over. Signe took one and wiped her eyes, blowing her nose. Jack just wiped his eyes on his sleeve. "Lass, we had no idea."

I nodded. "I know. No one but the three of you know the whole story. I've never talked about it. My mom knows I was abducted, but not what happened after. My friends know about the suicide attempt, I think, but not what lead up to it. The police don't know about my history of abuse." I laughed a quiet mirthless laugh. "Ironically, I think it was the fact that I'd been abused before that kept me from breaking completely when I was abducted. I'm just grateful that one of my abductor's friends wasn't okay with what happened when he found out and went to the police. I'm sure it saved my life." 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jack, Signe, and Mark asked me a few questions, which I answered as calmly as I could, but the stress of the day was getting to me. Mark noticed and called a stop to the conversation. He hugged me close. Then he looked at Jack and started talking about an upcoming convention they were both considering going to. Signe watched me for a few minutes before she reached over and squeezed my shoulder gently. "Sweetie, if you need me, I'm going to be in my apartment okay? Mark has you now, and I think you need a distraction more than anything. Thank you for telling me and trusting me with this. I know it's painful and a big deal." She started to get up. "I'll talk to you real soon, okay? Bye." She left heading back to her apartment, probably to work. Jack stayed for a while longer, chatting with Mark, but he eventually told us he needed to go work on recordings for the next day. We both nodded, knowingly. After he left, Mark was quiet, just holding me. 

I looked at him, unsure what he was thinking. "Mark, sweetheart, what are you thinking?"

Mark looked at me. "You're really brave, baby. I'm glad you are so strong and a survivor. I wish you hadn't had to go through all that and I wish I could have been there to help you since you did." 

I smiled at him. "Okay. I wish you could have been there too, to help, but I'm glad I met you now that I'm better. Yeah, I still have panic issues, but I have a reason, and at least you know what happened to cause them. And I still have insomnia, but that's something I've struggled with my whole life. By the way, please don't treat my like I'm fragile. That will make things harder for me, not better. I need to know people think I can handle things. That was also part of my problem that summer I mentioned."

Mark grinned at me, trying to lighten the mood. "I have scratches and bruises to remind me my lovely girlfriend is a strong woman. And hickeys."

I laughed a little. "You goof. Thank you. I love you Mark."

"I love you too baby. With all my goofy heart." He kissed me again and we settled in to watch some mindless cartoons, deciding snuggles and smooches were the order of the day for the rest of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. That was intense. Sorry this chapter took so long to get out, but I knew it was going to be a bugger and I needed some time to write it. 
> 
> And before anyone gets too worried about me, not all of these things are from my own experience. Some of them are from friends who I have had to help recover, as much as I could. 
> 
> The next few chapters should be a lot happier again though. I hope. This wasn't actually supposed to be in the story until a lot later, but things jumped away from me (again).


	19. Skyping Mark's Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark calls his family (and a few friends) to talk to you for the first time, over Skype.

After telling Mark about my past, I felt hugely relieved. I had never been able to tell anyone before, even thinking about it had caused me to have massive panic issues. I was glad that Jack and Signe had been there as well, but it was telling Mark that had really taken a weight off my mind. I was very surprised the next day, when I woke up, I was full of energy, optimism, and hope. Hope that Mark and I would be able to work everything out over the long haul. Hope that the therapy sessions I was in now would help me keep from having anymore panic attacks. Hope that maybe, someday, I could actually tell my story on camera and help other people overcome their own problems. Hope for a better future for everyone. I basically felt a lot more positive and upbeat than I had in a very, very long time. I looked over at Mark, who was still sleeping next to me, and smiling, shifted myself over, crawling under his arm so I could snuggle. I gently kissed him, repeatedly, unable to help myself. He was making my life so much better, just by being in my life, and I wanted to share the overwhelmingly wonderful feelings with him, even as he slept. My heart felt full to bursting with the love and joy I had for him. I wondered how I could express it to him. I glanced at the clock next to my bed, noticing the time was just after eight. I decided the first way to show him how much he meant to me was to let him sleep as late as he wanted this morning. I grabbed my phone, making sure to keep the cord plugged in, and brought it up so I could see and started responding to social media, staying wrapped in Mark's arms, warm and safe. His gentle snores were soothing and I had no desire to get up and go anywhere. When Mark did finally wake up, it was almost noon. I had shut my phone back off a little while earlier and was just relaxing, snuggled into his side, watching him sleep, almost transfixed by his gorgeous, sexy appearance. I blushed slightly when he woke up and saw me watching. "Morning babe. Were you watching me sleep?"

My blush brightened a little. "Only for a little while. Sorry if that was creepy. I just really didn't want to move or get out of bed this morning." 

Mark grinned. "It's fine. How are you feeling today?"

"Amazing." Mark had moved his arms off me to stretch as he woke up, but as soon as I said this, he wrapped them back around me, pulling me in closer for a hug. "I feel so much better for having told someone about my past, even if it was nearly impossible to do at the time. Thank you Mark."

Mark kissed my nose. "Oh [y/n]. you have no idea how happy that makes me to hear. Now" Mark yawned and stretched again "what time is it?" 

I glanced at the clock again. "About noon. Ten after."

Mark blinked and jumped out of bed. "Why did you let me sleep so late, babe?" He grabbed some clean clothes and headed towards the bathroom at a very fast walk, nearly a run. I was confused. Why was he worried about getting up at a certain time? A few minutes later, Mark came back, freshly showered, dressed, and drying his hair. I hadn't moved from the bed, still trying to figure out what had just happened. Mark looked at me on the bed for a minute. "Babe?" I looked over at him. "You should probably get up and get dressed."

"Why Mark? Did you have something planned for today? I thought we could just spend the day in bed together."

Mark blushed. "I, uh, sort of told my family we'd be calling them first thing this morning. Didn't I tell you?" 

I shook my head. "Nope. Give me a few minutes." Mark nodded and I walked over to my dresser and got some clean underwear before walking to the closet and pulling out some clean clothes for the day. I got dressed quickly, but neatly and brushed my hair out, leaving it down, before turning back to Mark. "Okay, I'm ready. Now, who are we calling?"

Mark smiled, coming over and putting hands around my waist. "My step-mom, my brother, and my Mom again. I haven't called her since the day after I got here, when she insisted she talk to you."

I giggled. "You mean when she thought you flew over here after Jack. Come on Mark, don't dance around it, it was hilarious. And your mom was sweet on the phone when I talked to her. I just didn't know you had this planned. I could have gotten you up earlier if I had. I've been up for a long time."

Mark looked at me, worry suddenly the primary emotion on his face. "Babe? Did you have trouble sleeping or something?"

I shook my head. "No. I just woke up around eight, full of positivity and energy. I worked on my social media stuff while I snuggled you, so you could sleep." Mark smiled at me, looking relieved. I kissed him, impulsively. "I'm still feeling full of energy. And a good attitude. And hope. Most of all hope." Mark raised an eyebrow at me, looking curious. I smiled and answered. "Hope for a lot of things, including us. I haven't felt this positive or hopeful since..." I trailed off, my face darkening a little as I remembered, shuddering slightly in Mark's arms.

"Shh, sweetheart. It's okay. You're fine. We both are. You don't have to deal with that right now." He squeezed me tighter.

I sighed. "Sorry. I think things are just a little more raw feeling today and those memories are definitely closer to the surface than they have been in years. I still feel a lot better for sharing them though." I leaned on Mark's shoulder for a few seconds, eyes closed. 

I could hear the smile in his voice, even though I wasn't looking at him, when he spoke a few seconds later. "Baby, you have no idea how happy that makes me. You should always be this happy." I turned my face to his, smiling, and opened my eyes, looking into his eyes, so like melting dark chocolate. I felt myself falling into them, unable to look away, and couldn't bring myself to care. He stared into my eyes as well, and I briefly wondered what he saw there. Who knows how long we would have stayed locked in each other's embrace, staring into the others eyes, if Mark's cell phone alarm hadn't sounded just then. We both jumped, startled, and separated for the moment. Mark looked at his phone grinning. "Mom told me she would be online at eight thirty. I set an alarm for fifteen minutes before that so we could get this all set. She wants to talk to you some more and actually put a face to the voice, unless you have any objections?"

I shook my head. "No, Mark, that's fine. I'll meet whoever you want me to. Let's get to the computer and make sure the camera isn't zoomed in on my boobs this time when you pick up though."

Mark grinned. "Hey, I don't really think Felix minded." I shook my head and gently swatted his arm. He grinned and leaned over, kissing me. "Come on babe. Do you need some food first? If we're quick, we will have time." I nodded and headed for the kitchen while Mark got my old laptop all setup, logging into Skype and getting ready to talk to his Mom. I brought out a few sandwiches, some drinks, sliced fruit, and some veggies and dip, all of which would hold if we needed to wait to eat them until after we were done on the call. I settled in on the love seat next to Mark, snuggling into his side and handed him some of the food. He took it with a smile. "Thanks baby. This lookds great. Now, get comfy, Mom's going to want to talk a while I bet. And Dee, my step-mom, definitely will too. After this, we can just relax and go out for a nice meal if you want, or order some takeout and watch something on TV or Netflix. Does that sound good?"

I smiled and nodded. "Sounds great sweetie. Anything you want to do with me sounds good." I grinned as he got a familiar look in his eyes. Then I leaned close, lowering my voice. "Absolutely anything..." I booped his nose with a finger and went back to my regular voice. "Now, let's talk to your Mom."

Mark groaned and looked at me. "That was mean, babe. You got me all stirred up, and now I have to try to focus on my Mom." He shook his head at me, grinning. "I'll have to get you back somehow, later."

I laughed. "Yeah, you can try, but I can't see that happening." I winked at him and took a big bite of my sandwich. We leaned on each other and ate our sandwiches, Mark watching his Skype for when his mother came online. We had just finished them and were eating a few of the veggies and some fruit when Mark's Skype rang out. He looked at it and blinked. Then he picked up. 

It was two men, neither of whom I recognized until the taller one spoke. "Mark, when are you coming home to get your dog? Ryan and I have to leave next weekend, you know." He stopped and stared at me suddenly. I blushed slightly, turning into Mark side a little, then waved a hand.

"Uh, hi. Matt, right? And are you Ryan? Nice to meet you." I looked at the two of them, a little nervously. "I'm [y/n], or [y/y/n], but please don't share that around. Mark has a flight booked for next Monday, but it's an overnight flight, so he'll be home Tuesday. Thanks for watching his dog for him while he visits me."

Ryan grinned at me. "Wow, Mark, you got yourself a very cute girlfriend. Good job buddy!"

I blushed and Mark grinned at me, then turned back to his friends. "Thanks. And seriously, thanks for watching Chica. I'll try to give you a better heads up next time I have to leave, or ask someone else. How has she been?"

Matt was still looking at me, surprised. Ryan answered instead. "Chica's fine. She's as cute and fluffy as ever, and she hasn't been pooping in the house, so we're happy. Lego loves visiting with her too, and even Banana likes her, so it's not a big deal, although a bit better heads up would be appreciated next time." Matt finally seemed to snap out of whatever mental fog he was in and turned to Mark.

"Yeah, Chica's great. Now, tell us all about Ireland and how that's been." He smiled at me. "Hi, [Y/n], nice to have a face to go with the voice. And you look a lot different than I expected. I mean, I kind of had a mental picture of what I thought you would look like, based on what you wear and how you sound, but you're a lot prettier and well, softer looking, than I expected."

I chuckled. Mark looked at me for a second, smiling, then leaned over, kissing me. I kissed him back, then leaned my head on his shoulder while he talked to Matt and Ryan. "Yeah, she's gorgeous. And smart, funny, kind, and tough. I can't even begin to imagine going through half of the crap she's dealt with, but she's handled it all." I turned my face into his shoulder, hiding it until I could get under better control, afraid I was suddenly going to cry. Mark reached his free arm over, the one not currently wrapped around my shoulder, and patted the back of my head. "Sorry baby. I didn't mean to upset you. I won't go into that now." He looked back at the screen, but I kept my face in his shoulder, just comforting mself and calming down. Mark told Matt and Ryan all about what he had been doing over here, and how much fun he had been having, spending time with me, and visiting Jack next door. "[Y/N] was smart. She got absolutely lucky with her neighbors and now she doesn't want to give them up, even for me."

I turned my face back to the camera and Mark. "Sweetheart, that's not it. I told you, I need the stability of staying here right now. And I need my friends. I did promise to visit you, and even gave you the plans for when. Come on, how much more do you want from me?"

Mark chuckled. "I know, I know. I just wish you lived closer." 

Matt and Ryan had visibly relaxed as Mark talked, and smiled when I chimed in. Now Ryan added his two cents to the discussion. "I don't know Mark, she seems kind of out of your league. She's clearly way smarter than you. Who would want to give everything up for a relationship with YOU?"

Mark groaned, and I hugged him. "I might later, but it's just too new right now. Listen, it was really nice to meet the two of you, but Mark was expecting a call from his mom. Do you mind if we go, so he can talk to her?"

Matt grinned and his eyes got huge. "He's calling his Mom? And you're going to meet her? Wow. That's a big step for him. Good luck! Nice to meet you. We'll see you next week Mark!" And with that, they ended the call. I closed the call window and turned to Mark. 

He looked a little grumpy. I grinned at him. "Well, those two were certainly interesting. I'm sorry if they upset you, Mark. I think they were just giving you a hard time though. And seriously, I am not saying I will never move to LA with you, just not yet. I thought we had talked this out already."

Mark nodded, making a face. "We have. I just don't like it. And I'm not really upset by the guys comments. I do sometimes wonder of Ryan isn't right though. You are kind of out of my league."

I shook my head at him. "No, you're out of my league. I'm just lucky, because apparently you don't feel that way. I'm a mess."

Mark smiled. "No,you aren't, or if you are, you're MY mess." He hugged me tight. Before he could let go, Skype rang again. This time it was his mom. "Hi Mom!"

"Mark, you look great! And this must be [Y/N]. My isn't she attractive. You two look cute together."

"Hello, Mrs. Fischbach. How are you doing today?"

"I'm doing quite well today, thank you for asking. You have such good manners. Oh Mark, I like her. You should bring her home to meet me in person."

I smiled. Mark was blushing beside me. "Mom! Calm down. We JUST started dating. I mean, she hasn't even been to see me at home yet."

"Well, hurry up, dear. Don't let her slip away." I chuckled slightly as Mark buried his face in his hands. "Mom, please..."

"Well, Mark, I'm not getting any younger here, you know. I would love some grandchildren, sooner, rather than later, and you certainly seem to have taken your time about finding a good person to love." Mark was blushing the same color as his hair now, and I was blushing slightly too. 

"Mom, I'm begging you, please, stop." I stood up and walked over to the door when someone suddenly knocked, still blushing a little, giving Mark a few minutes to talk to his mom without me. It was Jack and Signe. 

Signe spoke up. "Uh, is this a bad time?"

I stepped out into the hall, shaking my head. "Mark's just talking to his mom. She embarrassed both of us a little, that's all. Now, what's up?"

Signe looked a little unsure, but Jack grinned at me. "Ye can handle it. Signe and I wanted ta ask ye and Mark ta spend tha evening with us, having a couples night. Tha last one was a load of fun, and Mark's gotta be heading home soon, so we thought it might be fun. Unless ye two have plans already?"

I shook my head. "Sounds great. Mark was just catching up with some family today and then we were trying to figure out what to do for the rest of the day after, so this will be great. Do you want to come in and say hi to Mark's mom, Jack? Signe you can too, if you want. If not, I'm heading back in to see if he needs me to rescue him."

They both grinned and followed me in. I sat back down next to Mark as soon as I could, apologizing to Mrs. Fischbach for leaving like that, explaining I had to go get the door. Then I introduced Jack and Signe to her. She looked at them for a minute and blinked. "Wait. Is that the same Jack Mark is always talking to?" I nodded. "And he has a girlfriend?" I nodded again, looking confused. "Then why did Mark take so long to find someone? He's always the last one."

Mark groaned. I leaned over, hugging him, and drew him in for a sweet kiss. "Calm down sweetie." Mark looked at me, then sighed and snuggled into me for a second before turning back to face his mom. She had suddenly gotten quiet, watching us, and was now smiling hugely. 

"Nevermind. Mark, you clearly have something special now. It was nice meeting you Jack, uh, Signa?"

She laughed. "Close. Signe. Nice to meet you too."

Mark mom smiled at her, waved to all of us and promised Mark she would call again soon, then disconnected. I looked at Mark. "What was that about?"

Mark looked mystified as well. "I have no idea." He turned to Jack and Signe. "So, what's up?"

Jack grinned at him. "Yer lovely girlfriend has agreed ta a couple night out with us later, and we wanted ta tell ye in person. And meet yer mom. We'll come back around five for ye for tha couples night, okay?" We nodded. Jack turned to Signe, practically dragging her out, whispering to her the whole way. I heard him say "blind as ever" and "can't see it, either of them" but I had no idea what he was talking about. I cuddled into Mark again, just enjoying the quiet moment.

We stayed there, cuddling, occasionally reaching over and grabbing either the fruit or some veggies to nibble on for quite some time, trying to process the conversations we had just had. Finally, I shook myself and looked at Mark. "Don't you have some other calls to make Mark?" Mark nodded and used Skype to call his brother. I stayed quiet, listening to the two of them talk, just snuggling Mark. Mark, of course, had introduced the two of us at the beginning of the call, and occasionally I added a comment or Thomas said something to me, but mostly I just let the two brothers catch up. Mark was a lot more relaxed when he got off that call. Finally he called Dee. We all three chatted, after Mark introduced her and I, of course, for a long time. Eventually, we all disconnected and Mark logged off Skype. He started checking emails and social media for a little while after that, so I grabbed my laptop and logged on. Skype automatically loaded, so when I logged in, I was startled by a call of my own, from Chris. "Hey sis! Oh, hi Mark. Um..."

I smiled at Chris. "Hey Chris. How's it going?"

Mark grinned at him. "Hi. Do you need me to step away for a few minutes so you can talk to your sister? I don't mind."

Chris looked relieved and nodded. Mark kissed me swiftly and grabbed the leftover veggies, dip, and fruit, heading for the kitchen to put them away. Chris sighed with relief as soon as Mark was out of sight. "Sorry. Anyway sis, I'm calling because I got a new job! My company is transferring me to one of the new offices they just opened and they are promoting me, giving me a huge raise, a relocation bonus, and a ton of extra vacation. In fact, they are giving me a few weeks off before the move so I can go find a place. I'm super stoked."

I grinned. "Chris, that's fantastic! Where will you be going?"

He grinned. "Not that far away. The new office is in Virginia, between Winchester and Alexandria. So I'll still be fairly close to Mom, for when you come visit. Plus, I actually don't need the vacation to find a place, so I'm just going to take it and do something else."

I nodded. "Good for you. What does Dave Think?" Dave was our brother, in between us in age.

"I haven't called him yet. I saw you were online and called you first, because you're usually harder to reach. I'm going to go call him as soon as I get off the call with you."

"Well, go call him. Let me know how it goes, and congrats again, Chris. Talk to you soon. Bye!"

"Bye!" With that he disconnected. Mark came back in, chuckling, and sat next to me again. I curled into him once more, intent on snuggling him as long as we could both stand it, or until he had to leave to go home. He kissed me gently and we both settled back, turned on the TV and watched cartoons until we needed to go get ready for the double date with Jack and Signe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long delay on this. I kind of ran into a bit of writers block on this story and had some health issues. This is a somewhat shorter chapter, but I promise, the next one will be up soon(ish). 
> 
> Also, since the last chapter was so grim, I felt the need to have a nice, light, fluffy chapter. Sweetness and cuddles abound! :)


	20. All Good Things...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark has to get ready to go home. How will the two of you spend the rest of his time in Ireland?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> {Y/L/N] is Your Last Name. Just to be clear.
> 
> \------------------------------------------------------

After the afternoon of Skype calls and the evening double date with Jack and Signe, Mark and I headed to bed. We spent the night wrapped in each others arms, waking each other up occasionally for sex, but mostly just snuggling. When we got out of bed the next day, I sighed as I looked at the calendar. It was Thursday and Mark was leaving on Monday. I turned to him, trying to keep a cheerful expression on my face. "Hey Markimoo, what do you want to do today? Any requests or plans? Anywhere you want to visit in particular in Ireland?"

Mark grinned and grabbed me by the waist, pulling me in close for a kiss. "Anywhere my smoking hot girlfriend is will be awesome. What about you? Anything you need to get done before I leave?"

I smiled and shook my head. "I'm all yours baby. Whatever you want to do, we can do. Or we can just stay here. Or we can see if Jack wants to do any more collabs. Or anyone else. I'm flexible."

Mark grinned and growled a little. "Yes. Yes, you most certainly are babe. Well, let me think. You met Bob and Wade. You met Matt and Ryan. You met Dan and Arin. You already knew Felix and Jack. And you met my family. I think that's everyone I would normally talk to on Skype." He bit his lip for a minute. "No wait, hang on. I have a few more friends to introduce you to. If you don't mind."

I shook my head and kissed his cheek. "Whoever you want Mark. And maybe I'll try Skyping my other brother, Dave, and introducing you to him. And Mom. Unless you don't want to?" Mark was still smiling as he shook his head, making his hair flop into his face. I reached over and gently straightened it, pushing it out of his eyes. His smile widened and I couldn't resist leaning in for a kiss. "I love you Mark." I hugged him close. 

He wrapped his arms around me, hugging back. "I love you too, [y/n]. Now, after we finish calling everyone we know, let's see if Jack wants to record a few games. I feel like we haven't recorded in a long time, even though I know it's only been like two days, and we have a fairly big stockpile right now, thanks to you. Tomorrow, I want to do nothing but spend the day in bed with you. Hell, maybe Saturday and Sunday too."

I grinned and nodded, resting my head on his shoulder. "Perfect. And I have an idea. Let's spend Monday touring around Dublin before you have to leave. We could drive up early in the morning and just spend the whole day exploring the city together, then I'll drive back while you fly home. And we can Skype on the long flight until you fall asleep."

Mark looked at me. "What about you sleeping?"

I shook my head. "I won't be able to, I know. I'll be too worked up. Not panicky or anything, just emotionally charged. I know how I get. And then I'll take a nap or sleep for a while and hang out with Signe. She's been missing me and I think I'll be ready for some distraction. You can send me a message when you land."

Mark smiled at me again. "Of course. And I'm planning on calling you every chance I get for a while. Whenever I see you online, which seems to be most of the time when I'm not here. I think we should plan at least one day a week of collab videos over Skype every week we're not together."

I laughed. "Of course, sweetie. And when we are together, somehow I doubt we'll be filming all THAT much. Though, I can usually keep us pretty well on track, if I have too." Mark nodded and kissed me again, a slow lingering kiss. I returned it, throwing my arms around his neck. When we separated, we were both slightly out of breath, and my head was spinning a little. How had I ever lived without this man? And more importantly, how was I going to deal with life without him right here with me? I shoved the doubts and fears away to deal with another time, focusing on what was happening now, not what had happened in the past or the future and all it's uncertainty. Suddenly a thought occurred to me. "Mark, sweetheart, have you been on YouTube lately? I know I haven't. I should check my subscriber numbers. And respond to some comments today. Maybe do a viewer comment video..."

Mark laughed. "You jumped from kissing the hell out of me to checking YouTube awfully fast babe. Should I be insulted?"

I shook my head at his teasing. "No, sorry about that. It just popped into my head. I realized it's been three days without checking comments for me. And responding. Sure, I answered Twitter and Tumblr a little, but the comments on my videos have been going unchecked. I don't want any surprises in the there or problems I don't address right away." I grinned. "If I do a viewer comment video, I'm going to blame my silence on you, see if I don't. Although, I think my viewers might understand, seeing how you are leaving soon..."

Mark laughed. "You do your video. I'll do a vlog, telling everyone about what I've been up to. Then we can get back together and record some sweet and silly couples games again." He kissed my forehead quickly and walked off, headed for the bathroom, presumably to hop in the shower. I watched him go, smiling softly, and got myself dressed for the day in my usual recording clothes, a pair of navy jeans and a tee shirt, this one with the StarBomb logo. I did my hair in a low bun and put my helmet on, heading for the living room to record the video. I found a ton of comments to respond to this way and recorded for a solid half an hour before I was done. Mark had come out, seen I was filming, and made himself some breakfast. I smiled at him and stretched after I removed the helmet when the video was finished. He grinned back. "All done?" I nodded. "Good. You come eat, I'll record now, and we can sit here and edit after, together."

I laughed and headed into the kitchen, making my breakfast, eggs and toast, with yogurt and a fruit smoothie. I ate slowly, listening to Mark talk about all the experiences he had been having in Ireland, mostly with recording with me and Jack, but also the double dates, the hanging out with Jack and Signe, and of course, me. He talked about me for a long time, mentioning how much he loved cuddling me, and doing all sorts of things, even boring chores like the laundry, or cleaning. I smiled listening to him, hearing the love in his voice. I couldn't believe how much things had changed for me in the course of a year, and Mark, Jack, and Signe were a huge part of it. I still could barely believe I had even met Mark in the first place, let alone talked to him or interacted with him in a meaningful way. A year ago, he would have been someone I could never have even dreamed of shaking hands with. Now he was one of my favorite people, one of my best friends, my love. How had all this happened?

Mark ended his recording and looked over at me, staring off into nothing, so lost in thought I was practically on another planet. He grinned at me. "Babe? Earth to [y/n]."

I blinked. "Sorry. Did you say something to me Mark?"

"I asked what you were thinking so hard about. Anything good?"

I smiled sweetly. "Just about how crazy the changes in my life have been in the past year. A year ago I could never have imagined shaking your hand, let alone kissing you or talking to you. Now, I can't imagine going for more than a few days without sharing everything I can with you. I was just wondering how it all happened so fast, what I did to deserve it, and how I got so lucky."

Mark stood up and came over to me, wrapping me in another hug. "I don't know. And I don't know how I got so lucky with you. You're perfect for me, babe. You make me so much better and draw out all the best in me, without trying. I want to be better for you, something I have always struggled with. But with you, it just happens. It's easy. I don't have to think about it. And I love you all the more for it."

I nodded, looking into his face. "I know what you mean. All my life, I've felt incomplete. You fit the empty space perfectly. You push me to be the best version of myself I can be, and help me if I stumble. You keep me calm, even when I feel like all I can do is panic and run away. You make me brave. And you have always inspired me." I felt tears slipping out a little, sliding silently down my face. "Even before I actually met you, or talked to you, it was your voice, your personality, YOU that made me keep going, fight, struggle, and survive. Even at my worst, you made me better, Mark."

Mark reached up and wiped away the tears on my face with his thumbs, holding my cheeks gently. "Babe." He swallowed and stared into my eyes a wealth of emotion shining through. "I can't even imagine how you got through everything. To hear you say I helped... ...It blows my mind. Seriously, I can't even... ...I wish I had met you sooner. I wish you had met Daniel. I think you could have helped him. I know he would have liked you." He smiled a little sadly. "Matt and Ryan certainly do. I've gotten several messages from them both about you now. And from Arin and Danny. They all want to know when I'm bringing you back to California so they can hang out with you." 

I smiled. "Well, tell them, you goof. I mean, I gave you the dates." 

He grinned and nodded. "Yeah, but what if I don't want to share you?"

I laughed. "Well, maybe I'll just have to add a few extra days to one end or the other of my travel. I mean, you certainly did for me."

Mark's smile was brilliant, so wide it looked almost painful. "Really? All I had to do was tell you my friends wanted to spend time with you to convince you to come over for longer?"

I shook my head, giggling. "Nope. I had already been thinking about it. Let me talk to Jack, Signe, and my therapist first though sweetie. I need to make sure everybody knows and I'm okay to go for longer. Especially now that I'm making forward progress on my therapy."

Mark grabbed me by the waist, pulling me close and hugging me. "Babe." I looked into his eyes. "If you can't come over, please don't push yourself. I'd rather wait and know you're okay, than see you and have you put yourself at risk."

I smiled and leaned into his warmth, even after he released the hug. "Sweetie, I swear, I'm going to be careful. Besides, you keep me a lot calmer than anyone else, so I wouldn't actually be doing anything risky. I just don't want to undo any of my progress."

Mark patted my back, holding me close for again. He placed a soft kiss on my shoulder. "You're so sensible and smart babe. I just know I'm going to worry about you when I'm not here. And I'm going to make Jack crazy checking in on you."

I smiled, giggling a little. "Sweetheart, if you want to know how I am, just call me. Or message me. I promise, unless I'm asleep or away from my computer completely, like while I'm in a therapy session or driving, I'll answer. Since it's you."

Mark grinned and kissed me gently. "Thank you. I promise not to call and bug you all the time if I can help myself. Maybe just once or twice a day."

We both chuckled a little and moved over to the couch to get to work editing. I finished first and posted the video for release at noon, replacing the scheduled video and moving it to another day and time. Once it was queued up, I logged into Skype, more out of habit than expecting anyone I knew to be online. After all, with the time difference, it was still really early in the US where all my friends and family lived. I glanced down at the clock on the computer, startled to see it was half past eleven. I felt my nerves start to build as I realized my family would be waking up soon and logging on to the Internet. Just as I thought this, Skype rang on my laptop, and when I looked it was my brother, Dave. "Mark? My brother is calling. Are you ready to meet him?"

Mark blinked. "Uh, almost. Let me step back for a few minutes and let you talk to him first." 

I nodded and waited a few seconds while Mark stood up and walked over to the other part of the room. I smiled at him and answered the call. "Hi Dave! I was just thinking about calling you today. What's up? And why are you up so early?"

Dave laughed. "Morning sis! I was just wondering how you were doing. I woke up almost an hour ago. What time is it there? I can never remember the conversion."

I grinned. "Almost noon. So how is everything? You doing well? Dating anyone new? Anything new on the job front I should know about?"

Dave smirked. "I was just going to ask you all those same questions. Fine, we can talk about me first. Don't think I'll forget to ask though. I'm doing pretty well. Work is about the same as usual. Not great, but not bad either. And yes, I'm dating someone new, but it's nothing serious at the moment. Her name is Anna. She's a dental hygienist I met a few weeks ago. I'm not sure how I feel about her yet. Now, let's focus on you. So? What's new and exciting in your life since the last time you visited?"

I blushed and grinned. "A lot. I hope you have some time to talk this morning." Dave's eyes widened and he looked serious, worried, and concerned for me all at once. "Calm down, things are really, incredibly, good right now. Like better then they have ever been for me." He relaxed visibly and smiled at me. "First let's talk about my job. Then I can introduce you to my boyfriend. Unless you want to meet him first?"

Dave blinked. "He's at your place now? At lunchtime? What, does he have no job?"

Mark laughed. I smiled and shook my head, gesturing Mark over. Mark immediately sat next to me. I rested my head on his shoulder comfortably. "Dave. this is Mark. Mark, my brother Dave." They waved at each other and exchanged hellos. "Dave, Mark lives in California. He's visiting me right now while he's on vacation." Dave raised an eyebrow, clearly not entirely believing me. I sighed. "Listen, I'm serious. Mark and I met through a friend I have over here in Ireland, his best friend actually, and one of my neighbors. We've been talking online for months. Mark came over, kind of spur of the moment, and has been visiting both of us. He heads back to the US on Monday." I could feel my face fall a little, even though I was trying to stay positive. Mark hugged me.

Dave blinked. "Wow. Okay. So, Mark? What exactly do you do? And what's your last name? I want to know a little more about you."

Mark chuckled, a warm rumble behind me, soothing my nerves. "I'm Mark Fischbach, or Markiplier, if you want my Internet and YouTube name. You should be able to find out a lot about me that way. I'm not trying to hide anything from you."

Dave's jaw dropped. "Wait! You're Markiplier?!? Does Chris know?" I nodded, smiling again. Dave looked confused. "But I thought I read somewhere that there was a big deal at PAX East that Markiplier asked someone out on stage, that other YouTuber, what's her name, [Y/Y/N], the one who keeps killing the Internet? When did he meet you and ask you out?" I was blushing brighter than a tomato, unable to look at him. "Sis?"

Mark grinned again. "Babe, you are so busted."

I put a hand to my face and just tried to scrub away the embarrassment, then finally turned back to Dave. "Yeah, he did. Ask her out I mean. It was pretty well documented. I mean, all the news was covering it and it knocked social media out for hours. But here's the thing..." I took a breath and reached down, grabbing my helmet. "That YouTuber? She's me. I'm her. Whatever." I put my helmet on. "Surprise?"

Dave was just staring at me open mouthed. "No fucking way. No. Nope. Not possible. My insanely shy and anxiety ridden sister is famous? What the actual FUCK?!?!"

I took my helmet back off. "Yeah. It really is true. That's why I was going to tell you about work first. I had to quit my job at the library just so I could keep up with this YouTube thing. I have no idea how or why my channel has taken off like this, but my channel is the biggest and fastest growing channel ever. I even have more subscribers than PewDiePie. Though, to be fair, he's a really nice guy and he wasn't mad, like I thought he might be."

Dave's eyes bugged out. "You know him TOO? Who else are you going to tell me you know? The Game Grumps? JackSepticEye?"

I laughed and nodded. "Um, yeah. Jack's my neighbor. He's the one who introduced me to Mark. And Felix, or PewDiePie. And I met Danny and Arin at PAX. We were in an event together. Plus, Mark knows them. They were really sweet. I'm meeting a lot of the gaming YouTubers now. And getting a ton of requests to collab with other people, film TV shows, talk shows, and even parts in movies. It's kind of crazy."

Dave swallowed, repeated, and nodded, looking dazed. "Wow. Just wow. I can't even..."

I grinned. "Yeah. Mark has been helping me through a lot of panic issue stuff too. I mean, you know how I get. Now imagine me in those crowds at PAX. But Mark, and Jack, and my best friend in Ireland, Signe, who is also Jack's girlfriend, got me through. And I'm back in therapy." I looked down. "And I told them about everything."

Dave blinked at me. "Everything, everything? Even the stuff you couldn't tell us?" I nodded. He whistled. "Holy shit. So this is like, a serious relationship."

Mark nodded. "Yeah. We're both in love with each other. Actually, I have been trying to get her to move in with me, but, well, she wants us to wait a little while."

I turned partly away from the screen to look at Mark. "Sweetheart, it's too soon. You know that. And I'm not saying never, just not yet. And I need the stability of Jack and Signe next door and the therapy for a while at least."

Mark looked at me and nodded. "I know babe, but I still don't like it. You can tell me the reasons a million times. I'm not disagreeing with them. I just hate them."

Dave suddenly got our attention by laughing. We both turned back to him. "Okay, wow sis. All I can say is this is clearly an on going disagreement and just wow. Mark, I'm sorry, but my sister is right here. It is too soon. She always moves really slowly in relationships. The last one she was in, I think, she dated a guy for a solid six months before we were even allowed to know his name and it was almost a full year after they started going out before we met him. I'm kind of surprised she's introducing you already."

I looked at Dave for a long minute, then looked down, speaking quietly. "I didn't love the other guy, Dave. I'm really, deeply in love with Mark. I'm sorely tempted to move out to California with him now, but I really need some more time in therapy first. And I really don't want to give up Signe and Jack as support." 

Dave suddenly smiled at me. "Wow. That's awesome [Y/N]. Really. Now I have a few questions for you. Does Chris know all this?"

I blushed. "Most of it. Not how much I love Mark maybe, or that I told him about what happened to me, but he knows the rest. I told him when he came to get me while I was home visiting Mom. I would have told you too, but you were hardly around. I'm sorry to have kept this a secret. This is also how Chris was able to get in to PAX. I had an extra ticket for him to use." I looked at Mark, smiling. "I was originally going as Mark's guest, but PAX wanted me there, so they sent me two tickets of my own and paid for things. I introduced Chris around to everyone at PAX." I looked at Dave for a long minute, watching him think about all this. "Dave? Is there anyone you want me to try to introduce you to? I mean, from YouTube."

Dave grinned and blushed a little. "Um, a few people, maybe. Can I think about it first, and get back to you?" I smiled, nodding, knowing he probably wanted to ask me when Mark wasn't here. "Actually, sis, could you introduce me to some of them at the next convention you go to? Just let me know which one it is. I'll find a way to get there."

I smiled. "It will probably be either VidCon or Comic Con. And I think I can get you a pass to get in. Let me check into it. Although you might have to fight Chris for it, especially Comic Con."

"Where is VidCon?"

I looked at Mark. "Anaheim. Near LA. Where Mark lives."

Dave grinned. "I see. No wonder you'll be there. And when is it?"

Mark smiled. "The end of June."

Dave nodded. "Okay. Now, for my next question. Are you bringing Mark home the next time you visit Mom? And when will that be?"

I looked back at Mark again. "If he can come, absolutely. My schedule is a lot more flexible now, more so than it's ever been. Actually, I could go home anytime. My plan is to go home next for Thanksgiving and stay through New Years, maybe. But I want to spend part of that time with Mark. I think he's going to go to visit his family in Cincinnati then too, so he'll be closer too. I don't know if he wants me to come visit, or will be willing to come visit at Mom's but I strongly suspect we'll get together at least for a while during that visit. I might stop in during one of the times I fly into the US for a short visit as well. I'll be traveling _a lot_ for YouTube between my different projects and filming different things." Dave nodded, a half smile playing across his face. "When will you be home next?"

He grinned. "Thanksgiving or Christmas. As much as my Ph.D is running me into the ground, I have a summer job and some summer classes to teach. They actually hired me for both summer sessions this year. I might be able to knock off for a week or two, but I'm not sure, and I still need to work on writing my actual dissertation, you know? Mom and Chris already know. They mentioned they might come visit me up here for a while over the summer, but they don't want to distract me either."

I nodded. "We're all proud of you." I smiled at him. "Could you stand a surprise visit if I could find the time?"

Dave grinned. "Absolutely! Anything for my favorite sister."

I grinned. "I'm your only sister, Dave. I have no idea if I'll even be able to manage, but I'd love to drop by and see you. But that wouldn't be for a while probably. I'm pretty busy right now, between planning trips to go visit Mark, YouTube, and therapy."

Dave looked a little worried. Mark reached forward and wrapped his arms around my waist again, gently pulling me back into him for a snuggle. Dave half smiled. "Listen, [y/n], please take care of yourself. You know how much you tend to overwork. Is there anyone close by who can watch out for that for you? Your friends always helped with that in the past, and made sure Chris and I knew what was going on with you too."

I blushed. Mark grinned and kissed me by my ear, then turned to answer my brother before I could. "Yeah. Jack and Signe will. They live right next door. And I'm going to be watching out for her too. Even if we can't be face to face everyday, I plan to talk to her over the Internet pretty constantly. And we can work together that way, so I can make sure she's not overdoing there too, at least a few days a week."

Dave relaxed and smiled at Mark and I. "Good. Well, I think that about wraps it up for me. Did you have any other bombshells to drop sis?" I shook my head, smiling faintly. "No? Okay, then I better go. I have readings I need to get to, and I have to prep to go teach my classes today. Bye!"

"Bye Dave. Talk to you soon!" Dave disconnected. I turned back to Mark, smiling, and kissed him sweetly. He grinned, raising an eyebrow. "Thanks sweetie. Dave liked you, if you couldn't tell. And the kiss was for being so wonderful."

Mark laughed. "You read me so well. I was wondering what it was for, not that I would ever complain about getting kisses from you. Now, do you want to meet a few more of my friends then call your Mom, or call your Mom then meet the rest of the people I want to show you off to?"

I laughed softly. "Am I a prize?" He grinned at me and nodded. I kissed the tip of his nose. "Well, then I guess showing me off makes sense. Okay, it's almost one now, so that means it's nearly nine on the East Coast. Are you're friends in LA?"

"Nope. Cincinnati, well some of them anyway. I want to introduce you to my buddy Tyler. And a few other old friends, if they happen to be online."

I turned back to face the computer. "Okay, let me just see if Mom's on here yet." I checked, and she was, so I called her. "Hi Mom!"

She blinked and grinned at me. "Hi sweetie. And who is the man who you're cuddled up with? A boyfriend?"

I grinned. "My boyfriend, Mark. Mom, this is Mark Fischbach. Mark, my mother." 

Mom smiled and waved to him. "Hello young man. Nice to meet you."

Mark smiled back, winningly. "Nice to meet you too, ma'am. Uh, Mrs. [Y/L/N]. Um."

I patted his leg. "Calm down Mark." He hugged me close again and buried his head in my shoulder, hiding his face, which was now almost matching his hair. 

Mom chuckled. "He's sweet, dear. I'm surprised to see you online though. Are you on lunch right now?"

I shook my head, blushing slightly. "No, that's part of why I'm calling. I changed jobs. Or rather I had to leave one of my jobs because the other one rolled over everything else. I told you I had a second job when I was home visiting, right?"

Mom shook her head at me. "No. But it doesn't surprise me too much. You always need to keep busy. What are you doing now? Anything fun and exciting? And is that how you met Mark?"

I smiled, nodding. "You could say that. So you know the website YouTube?" Mom nodded. "I'm started making videos on that site, in my spare time, because of one of my friends, who's kind of famous on the site. Actually, he and Mark here, convinced me to start a channel. He had already introduced us, online."

Mom grinned. "So, who is this mystery friend? And I thought Mark looked somewhat familiar. Is he by any chance Markiplier?"

I could feel Mark grin behind me as my jaw dropped. He raised his head and nodded, smiling at Mom. "Yes, ma'am. I am. Do you watch my channel?"

She laughed. "Not really. But I might now. So, my daughter is a YouTuber now. Okay. But how are you handling things, panic wise? And I thought Markiplier lived in LA?"

I blushed. "He does. He's here to visit me. And one of our friends." I swallowed and wiped my suddenly sweating hands on my legs. "Mom, I'm back in therapy. I went to PAX, as you know, but I was a presenter. I had a panic attack everyday I was there, I think. My friends and Mark got me through it, but it was pretty bad." My breath caught in my throat.

Mark squeezed me slightly, comforting me wordlessly and kissed my shoulder again. "Babe, calm down. No one is judging you. I'm right here for you if you need me. Just take a deep breath for me, okay?"

Mom smiled at Mark. "Thank you, Mark. [Y/N], are you okay? If this is too much, you can call me back another time to talk, or we can talk about something else."

I shook my head. "No, I just started to get a little overwhelmed, thinking about PAX again. It was pretty rough. Anyway, our friend, Jack, is my neighbor, and he helped me a lot too. His girlfriend, Signe, is my new best friend, and we hang out together a lot. Signe helped me get through everything, more than I would have thought possible. Anyway, the three of them have made sure I started therapy back up, to help me manage my panic issues." I looked down at my hands. "And Mom, I told them. Everything. All of it, even what I couldn't tell you or the doctors."

Mom blinked, then her face crumpled with concern. "Oh, baby. I know that must have been hard. Did it help to talk about it?"

I nodded slowly. "A lot. But I still can't talk about it much. It's too painful. And it's kind of left me feeling emotionally raw for a few days. But I felt like they needed to know. Especially after a particularly bad day happened the other day. Mark is amazing though, and he kept me calm. He's the reason I was able to talk about it."

Mom smiled, somewhat sadly. "I know. I know you have always had an strong connection with his channel and him."

Mark smiled at Mom. "Actually, ma'am, she told me. After she told me everything else, including about college and her suicide attempt. She told me I'm a big part of why she's still here." He swallowed, looking like he was about to cry a little. "It's mind-blowing. If I didn't already love her so much, it would be more than I could handle, but..."

I smiled at him. "I know." I turned back to Mom. "We just..." I waved a hand for a minute, gesturing while I tried to figure out how to describe our connection. "...fit. Neither one of us could stand the thought of separating after PAX, but I was going to come back anyway. Mark changed his ticket and came home with me. He's been visiting ever since, but he has to go home soon. But I wanted to introduce you to him, at least over Skype, before he left. I love him too." I looked down for a minute, unable to look at Mom any more for the moment.

A soft chuckle made me look back up. "Dear, I could tell. I could tell as soon as you called. It's all over your face, your body language, in your voice. When ever you mention his name, you light up. It's wonderful."

I smiled at Mom, softly. "Thanks. So anyway, back to my YouTube stuff..."

Mom laughed. "Nice avoidance. Alright. We can change the subject. I know strong emotions are tough for you." She smiled again. "So, I have to ask, mostly because I think I know where you're going with all this build up. Are you connected with the mysterious [Y/Y/N]?" 

I blinked. "Uh, yeah. Actually, that is me. Wait, how did you...?"

Mom laughed again. "I know you. And baby, I know you couldn't go on a website like that without wearing a mask or helmet, so it wasn't that hard to piece together, especially since you told me you and Mark are dating. Do your brothers know?"

I blushed. "Yes. I told Chris while I was home, that's why he came to PAX. And I just called Dave and told him. Or actually, he called me when he saw I was online. And before you ask, I will try to bring Mark over to meet you sometime around the holidays. I'll be able to come visit for a longer stay, like maybe a month or more, this year. YouTube is a lot more flexible, especially since I tend to overwork, than most other jobs. I'll still need to be on the computer all the time, but I'm always like that anyway. Now, I'm just answering comments, tweets, and interacting with people who watch my channel."

Mom blinked. "Wait, didn't I see something online that you're the number one YouTuber right now? With more subscribers than all the other channels out there?"

Mark grinned as I nodded, blushing again. "Yes Ma'am. She beat out everyone else almost as soon as PAX finished. The previous number one, PewDiePie, is a friend, and he was happy for her too." 

Mom smiled. "Good. She needs more friends. Although, somehow I think that's going to be a little harder for her now, at least of people meet her as the YouTube star she suddenly is. Hmm. I think I might have to start watching her channel..."

"MOM! You don't have to do that, really. I mostly just post video games, art, and a short daily post, talking about what happened during the day, or discussing something I feel like I need to mention."

Mom raised an eyebrow. "So you vlog? Hmm. I'd probably enjoy watching those videos. And your art stuff. I'm proud of you sweetie. It sounds like you are really growing as a person. And Mark, it's lovely to meet you. The two of you really seem to share a good connection. I hope I can meet you in person. Now, I'm sure the two of you are busy, so I'll ask just one final question and then you can go. You mentioned someone named Jack. Who's he?"

I grinned. "My neighbor. JackSepticEye. Well, that's his YouTube name. He's almost as loud as me sometimes, Mom."

Mom laughed. "Oh my. I'm sure the rest of your building loves when the two of you work together."

I laughed, blushing again. "I hadn't thought of that."

Mark grinned and pulled me closer again. "Yeah. It can get noisy. I'm not so quiet when we play video game together either. Good thing there aren't a ton of neighbors in this part of the building." He smiled at me. "When you come to visit, we'll just have to make sure we record in my studio, babe. I have a lot of soundproof padding up there."

I laughed. "Somehow, I doubt it will be enough if I really get loud. Remember the mic at PAX, during my panel?" Mark laughed as he nodded. I turned to Mom. "I had a big presentation at the convention, all by myself on stage, and I shouted and killed the microphone completely for several seconds. Funny thing was, I watched that part of the panel back later, and the cameras caught everything I said while the mic was out perfectly. So I think the audience did too, and the people watching from home."

Mark chuckled. "Yeah, you were great. Are great." He rested his head on my shoulder and looked at me. "I love you babe."

I smiled at him, ignoring Mom for a minute. "I love you too, Mark." I leaned forward just enough to kiss his hair, all of him I could reach from this angle.

Mom made a noise. I looked back at her, blushing again. "Dear, that was incredibly sweet. Now, I have to go. Chris is coming by to talk to me today. He wants my help planning a vacation before his new job starts. Do you have any ideas?"

I shook my head. Mark grinned. "He could always come visit [y/n], right? I mean, if he has a passport. She's got a guestroom, and I'll be gone at the end of the day on Monday, so I know she could use the company."

I blinked. "Uh, sure, if he wants to. As long as he doesn't mind the fact I will still have other things to do."

Mom smiled. "I'll tell him. Bye baby. Bye Mark."

"Bye Mrs. [Y/L/N]."

"Bye Mom. Love you." Mom disconnected from the call. I sighed and stood up, needing to stretch. Mark stood up next to me. I reached out for him and drew him into a long kiss. When we separated, I rested my head on his shoulder. "I love you so much Mark. Thank you for agreeing to talk to my family."

Mark lifted my face to look into his eyes. "Babe, you already met mine. Besides, your family has all been really nice. Your mom was really cool. So were your brothers. Now, can I ask what your brother, Dave, is studying? You both mentioned his Ph.D, but I don't know what field he's in."

I smiled. "He's working toward his doctorate in French History. He took a ton of french classes in high school and has a BA in french already, and his Master's is in French cultural studies. He wants to teach, at a college level. He's a teaching assist for several classes now, while he's studying."

Mark smiled. "Wow. That's pretty cool. So, what was Chris's major?"

I chuckled. "He's a business guy. He got an MBA in business. I'm the slacker of the family, only getting an Associates and Bachelors degree. Although, to be fair, I do have a degree in Engineering, so it's different. And I have a bunch of advanced certifications." 

Mark kissed me. "Hey, you got me beat. You're a smart cookie." He grinned and growled a little. "And I love cookies. Om nom nom."

I giggled. "Mark! Don't be a goof." I leaned against him. "Okay, enough stretching, let's get the rest of these calls done. Then we can record some fun videos together."

Mark smiled. "In a minute babe." I nodded and we stayed like that, just relaxing into each other for several moments, until someone knocked on the door. I headed over to see who it was. 

I opened the door to see my building manager. "Hello lass. Just stopping by ta inform ye that Monday tha power'll be out for a bit. We are working on upgrading a few things, including tha Internet, and tha workers might need ta shut tha power off for a few hours. I just wanted ta make sure everyone knows."

I smiled. "Thanks for telling me. I will probably be out all day that day anyway, but it's still good to know." 

The manager grinned. "Do ye know if yer loud neighbor is home today? I still need ta tell him. He's always on tha computer anyway, so it'll definitely matter ta him."

I chuckled. "I think Jack's home. If you want to go tell other people though, I can tell Jack and Signe. I don't mind."

"Well, thank ye. That'd be right helpful. There's a load a people in these apartments." I nodded and he tipped his hat and walked away, intent on telling the rest of the apartment complex.

I turned to Mark, who was looking at me bemused. "Be right back Mark." I stepped into the hallway and over to Jack's door, knocking softly. Signe answered. "Hi Signe."

"Hey [y/n]! What's up? Everything okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. Can I come in for a minute?" Signe gestured for me to come in. "Listen, the apartment manager just stopped by. The power's going to be out on Monday for part of the day at least. They are upgrading the Internet and doing some repair stuff, so he's going around telling everyone. I promised to come tell you and Jack, so he could go ahead and tell the next floor."

Signe winced. "Oh, Jack's going to be upset. It screws up his schedule when that happens. At least we know about it this time. Did the manager mention when it was going to be out?"

I shook my head. "No. I would probably be more upset too, if I didn't have plans to be gone all day that day anyway. Mark's flying home Monday night, and we had already decided to spend the day exploring Dublin. Then I'm going to drive home while he waits for his flight and flies to London. We'll be able to Skype by the time he's ready to fly back to LA. The flight from Dublin to London didn't have wifi, so we couldn't have chatted then anyway, but the London to LA flight does."

Signe grinned. "Hey, that's pretty smart. Wait a minute, I want to go ask Jack something." I nodded and leaned against the wall, waiting. I heard a knock on the door, so I peeked out and saw Mark. I opened the door, letting him in.

"I got lonely." Mark came over to me, and wrapped one arm around my waist, just a comfortable, loving gesture.

I grinned. "You're going to be a mess on the flight home, aren't you?" Mark nodded, resting his head on my shoulder. I booped his nose, just as Jack and Signe came back. 

Signe blinked to see Mark here, but neither of them commented. Jack grinned at us. "So, ye finally got sick of this loser, hmm? 'Bout time. Do tha two of ye want some company on yer trip ta Dublin Monday? I'll record an extra video tomorrow and have Robin make sure things are posting properly Monday, since we know tha power will be an issue, so it's not like tha two of ye would even be dragging me away from work. Or would ye rather have tha alone time?"

I looked at Mark. "I'd love to have some company. Mark?"

Mark grinned. "Sure. And that would mean you didn't have to drive home after you drop me off babe. I was kind of worried you might be distracted. Maybe have Signe drive. And we can text each other while I have to wait after security." I smiled and nodded.

Jack grinned, wrapping an arm around Signe. "So it's a date. What time do ye two want ta leave for Dublin?"

I thought for a few seconds. "How about seven? Then we can get some breakfast and start exploring. I mean, I had told Mark I wanted to spend the whole day exploring with him. Unless that's too early for you and Signe, Jack?"

Signe grinned. "It's fine. I'll drag Jack's sorry ass out of bed one way or another. He can wake up in the car. I'm make sure he has some coffee too." I grinned back at her and we nodded. 

Jack and Mark looked at us for a few seconds. Mark cleared his throat. "Why am I suddenly slightly afraid? These two look so sweet, but..."

Jack nodded. "They can be scary ta cross." 

We grinned at them and I kissed Mark, just as Signe kissed Jack. "And don't you forget it."

Jack grinned at Signe. "Love ye." She smiled at him. Then he looked at Mark and I. "So what are yer plans for tha rest of Mark's visit?"

I grinned. "Well, we are going to make some more Skype calls to a few of Mark's friends, then we were thinking about asking you to collab on a few videos, if you're interested, this afternoon."

Jack nodded. "Sound good. But that's just today. What about tomorrow and tha weekend? Any plans?"

I blushed. Mark grinned. "Well, Jack, that's none of your business, buddy." 

Signe laughed. "Okay. We'll leave the two of you alone, mostly. I might send you a text or two to remind you to eat some food and drink some water occasionally. Have fun." 

I was blushing hard and leaned into Mark's side. Suddenly, I grinned and turned back to Signe and Jack. Their expressions instantly turned to nervous. "I'll remember this. Don't forget what you two had to replace as soon as we got back from PAX. And I have stories I could share." 

Signe and Jack were blushing hard now. Mark looked at me and grinned. Then he leaned forward and whispered in my ear "Babe, that's evil." I giggled. He shook his head. 

Signe looked at me. "Sorry. I'll be good. No hot sauce cupcakes or oversharing on YouTube please. God. Sometimes I forget how much about Jack and I you actually know and don't mention."

I laughed. "Yup. And I didn't even have to mention the noise cancelling headphones in my bedroom."

Signe blushed then grinned again. "Well, we better let you guys go." 

I nodded. "See you soon Signe. Jack, give us an hour or two and then you can come over to record, okay? Any thoughts on what you want to play?"

Jack smiled a little. "Whatever ye want lass. Ye and Mark can decide, but I'll bring a few suggestions with me as well." I nodded and Mark and I walked back to my apartment, hand in hand still. 

I turned to Mark after we walked back into the living room. "So, food first or call your friends? We have some leftovers, or stuff to make sandwiches. I'll cook something for dinner later."

Mark smiled and kissed me. "Leftovers are fine babe. And if you have something tucked away in the freezer, I'm good with you getting that out so we can spend the extra time cuddling or playing video games. Or we can order takeout. I'm easy."

I smiled. "Yeah, you are. Okay, I have frozen enchiladas. We can have Mexican food tonight."

"Sounds good. Now, let's grab a quick meal and then go call Tyler. I can't wait for you to meet him."

I nodded and we headed into the kitchen, ate a quick meal of leftovers, flirting with each other the whole time, and settled back on my couch to call this mysterious Tyler. Luck was with us and as soon as Mark connected to Skype, Tyler's name came up as online. Mark called him right away. "Hey Tyler! I was just looking to see if you were online. How have you been buddy?"

"Mark? What are you doing online? Isn't it like ungodly early in LA?"

Mark laughed. "Probably. But I'm not in LA right now. That's part of why I'm calling. I'm in Ireland."

"WHAT!?! Wait, are you visiting Jack?"

Mark shook his head. "Not exactly. I mean, sort of. Listen did you watch my panel from PAX?"

Tyler laughed. "I have been meaning to, but I haven't had the time yet. I'm moving, so, you know, things are kind of crazy. But I heard it broke the Internet. What the hell did you do?"

Mark blushed and ducked his head, then waved for me to come over. I did, sitting down beside him, hugging him for a second, then resting my head on his shoulder and looking at the screen for the first time. "Uh, hi. I'm [y/n]. Also known as the infamous [y/y/n], destroyer of the web, viral wonder, and Mark's new girlfriend. Actually, I can answer your question, Mark invited me to be on his panel with Jack, Felix, Bob, and Wade, and we were taking some questions. Someone asked if Mark had any proposals for anyone on the panel, and Mark asked me to be his girlfriend. It kind of went crazy. Especially since I said yes."

Tyler's eye got really wide. "Wait, WHAT?! Mark has a girlfriend now?!?" 

Mark made a face at Tyler. "Yes, I have a girlfriend now. She's incredible." I looked at him and smiled. He looked at me, smiling and mouthed an 'I love you' to me. I smiled brighter and mouthed back 'I love you too'. Mark's smile kicked up a few notches now as well. 

Tyler cleared his throat. "Uh, wow. So Mark finally has a girlfriend. And the two of you clearly adore each other. But wait, didn't you say you were in Ireland right now? Why?"

I laughed. "Because he followed me. I live in Ireland. Actually, it's an interesting story, but Mark can tell you later. It will take a while. Anyway, because I moved to Ireland, I ended up starting a YouTube channel. Mark and Jack made me."

Tyler looked confused again. "What does Jack have to do with your channel?"

Mark laughed now. "A lot. He and I made her start a channel in the first place. She's Jack's next door neighbor. Not that she knew that ahead of time." 

Tyler nodded, slowly. "Okay. I think I get it now." Tyler went silent for a minute as he looked at me closer. "Mark, I have to tell you buddy, I think she's out of your league. She's hot. And now she's a bigger star than you. Honestly, you're in trouble bud."

I blinked, blushing. "Mark's not in any trouble. No one knows who I am. I wear a helmet when I appear in public. And Mark's wonderful. I'm not out of his league. Honestly, I think he's out of mine."

Mark grinned and shook his head. "Babe, we already had this discussion. After you talked to Ryan." He kissed me gently, making me sigh and melt into him. "I still think Tyler and Ryan are right. You are out of my league."

I shook my head. "Well, it doesn't matter who's out of who's league. I love you. A lot." 

Mark relaxed behind me, wrapping arms around me. "I love you too baby."

Tyler blinked at us, his mouth hanging open. "Holy shit. You two are already telling each other that you love the other person? This is serious then."

Mark nodded. "Yeah. And we've met each other's families, at least over Skype. I even asked her to move in with me, but she needs more time."

Tyler just stared, looking stunned. I blushed and curled into Mark, hiding my face in his side. Tyler suddenly laughed. "I would accuse her of trying to use you for fame and subscribers, but she's the one who breaks the Internet regularly and has the subscriber count that rivals PewDiePie."

My blush got brighter as Mark patted my shoulder and cleared his throat a little. "Um, no. Actually, she has more subscribers than Felix. But she's really shy." He looked back down at me. "Calm down, babe. He didn't know. Hey, if this is too much, we can take a break. You've been great about meeting all my friends so far, I just want to show you off as much as I can."

I moved my head a little, looking into his face. "I'm sorry. Go ahead and talk to your friend. I'll just sit here quietly. I just hate when anyone thinks I'm all about the fame, or that I care about subscriber numbers. And he keeps bringing up the Internet breaking thing. You know how that gets to me."

Mark nodded, smiling gently at me. "I know babe. Take a few deep breaths and relax. If you need to step away, I won't be mad. You could go work on editing or play a round of something off camera."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around Mark's waist, curling into him. He grinned and looked back at the screen. "Sorry Tyler. Anyway, she's great. I just wanted you to get a quick chance to meet her on Skype. I'm sure you'll see her a lot more, once you finish moving to LA. I mean, she's going to come visit pretty often, and I plan on talking to her all the time, so..."

Tyler smiled and laughed. "Actually, she does seem pretty awesome, from what I can tell. I'm sorry if I poked a sore spot. I guess I'm just surprised. Most YouTubers want to talk about our subscriber numbers, channel growth, and compare stats with each other."

Mark sighed and I looked through the screen at Tyler. "It scares the crap outta me to do that. I didn't plan to be a YouTuber in the first place. I thought I was just going to post a few games that I collaborated with Jack and Mark on, and maybe some artwork I made. My channel took off so fast it made me sick. I mean, I had panic attacks and literally could not sleep for days right after it started. I had over twenty thousands subscribers before I posted my second video and the first one was just a vlog about starting the channel and what some of my goals were. My channel is still under two full months old."

"WHAT?!" I nodded. "I thought you had been on the site a hell of a lot longer and something just took off. No wonder you're having trouble keeping up. I do have to ask though, who is your editor? They are phenomenal. I have watched a few of you videos and everything is so seamless, it's just astounding." 

I blushed a little again. "Thanks. I edit all my videos myself, so that means a lot to hear you say."

"Wait, how are you so active on social media, post three videos a day, and edit everything yourself? Is that even possible?"

I chuckled. "Yeah. But only because I have no life outside of YouTube and dating Mark. Well, barely any. I still hang out with Signe a lot, when I can."

Mark laughed. "Okay, that's true, but to be fair, you have a really good internal meter for the videos and rarely need to edit much out. You can record a session of gameplay for forty minutes and get a twenty or thirty minute video out of it no problem." I grinned at him. "And being a total insomniac doesn't hurt that either."

I laughed outright when he said that. "No, it doesn't. But I do sleep when I need to sweetie. Don't worry. I'll be okay when you leave on Monday, I promise. If I start to have problems, I'll call you, or at least tell you when you call me. Okay?"

Tyler laughed. "Okay, so I can see Mark's going to be pretty distracted right after I get out there. You do still want me to come and help though, right Mark?"

Mark nodded. "Yeah. Absolutely. I just will have a little bit of divided attention until I feel like things are a little more settled. And one day a week is going to be set aside for collab videos. Probably most of them are going to be with her, but Jack, Bob, Wade, and Felix might be more frequent guests too. She knows all of them already, either from PAX, or from working with them before the convention." I yawned a little, catching Mark's attention. "Listen Tyler, we have to go. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"See you later Mark. Like next week, right?"

"Sure buddy. Talk to you then. Bye!"

"Bye Mark." 

Mark disconnected the call. I curled up in Mark's lap. He grinned and rubbed my back. "You doing okay there babe? Do you need a nap or something?"

I sat up, grinning. "No, I'm fine. I'm a little tired, but really I'll be fine. Do you have any other people you need to call?"

Mark grinned and looked at the screen for Skype. "Well, there are a few more people online, but they can wait if you want. 

I waved a hand and leaned on Mark's shoulder. "Call away. I'm just going to relax on your shoulder for a bit. I'll close my eyes. If you need me to talk, just squeeze my shoulders or kiss me, okay?"

Mark grinned and kissed my forehead. I smiled and closed my eyes, leaning into his shoulder and snuggling close. Mark waited a minute and called the next person on his list, but I actually fell into a light sleep before the call connected. Mark woke me up an hour and a half later, when someone knocked on the door. I yawned and scooted over, letting Mark get up to answer the door. I opened my eyes and scrubbed my face with one hand, trying to shake the sleep out of my brain. Mark came back in with Jack. "Babe? Are you awake enough now to play a few games? Or should Jack and I just film without you for now? You really knocked out there, but my friends thought you were adorable and sweet."

I stood up and stretched, fingers brushing the ceiling. Mark and Jack both grinned and looked at each other. I raised an eyebrow at them. "What? And yes, Mark, I'm awake now. Sorry for napping on your shoulder. I guess I was more tired than I thought."

Mark came over and kissed me gently. "Jack and I were just both thinking how no matter how far we stretched, neither of us would be touching the ceiling of the room. And I really didn't mind you falling asleep, like I said, my friends all thought you looked sweet."

I kissed him back, just as gently. "Okay. Well, let's get this gaming session started guys." 

Jack sat down and grinned, sitting at the second camera and mic setup. I sat down on the couch and Mark sat with me. Before long all three of us were laughing our butts off, deep in a game of Who's Your Daddy? that was making Mark and Jack blush every time I was a baby and referred to them as Daddy. When it was my turn, I just laughed when they called me Daddy. After several games of that, we switched to Prop Hunt, adding Wade, Bob, and Ken, who were all on Steam and Skype. We had the teams split randomly between games, so there was a lot of confusion, but it was also a lot of fun and all of us got several videos worth of material. Before I knew it, everyone had to sign off and Jack had to leave to go have dinner with Signe. I was startled to see it was already after eight. Mark decided we were going to have Chinese food, so he called in an order to be delivered, and we moved over to the main part of my living room, to cuddle on the couch and watch some Netflix. I let Mark pick, and we curled up together, enjoying the peace and quiet of a comfortable evening together. After the food arrived and we ate, I put the leftovers away and we headed back to bed, both of us feeling a little tired. After we got back to the bedroom however, we did a lot more than cuddle before we fell asleep. As I lay exhausted and happy on the bed, I looked at Mark thinking hard. Another day had passed. He was leaving in just a few days now. I wanted to make sure we had the best weekend ever. I smiled and drifted off to sleep, snuggled close to Mark, wrapped in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Blushes and hangs head* I am **SO** sorry this chapter took so long to get out. I kind of lost track of things last month. Updates are going to be a little spotty for a while I think, but I'm not abandoning anything, I'm just struggling with health and some depression (mostly because of my health). I will still be getting updates out as much as I can, but it might be a few days or a week between updates of anything, and sadly a month or more between updates on some of my stories. I hate doing this, but I kind of have to. My writing suffers a lot when I'm not in the right mindset. I'm trying my best to stay positive, but my life is not going well right now, and it makes being optimistic hard. 
> 
> I will still be around a lot, and answering as many comments as I always do, as well as reading other stories (that's part of how I get inspired to write as well), so you might see my name popping up on other stories. If you have a request, or really want one of my stories to get the next update, feel free to comment, or send me a Tumblr message (QueenGeekRose). 
> 
> Now, I have one of my treatments coming up in the next few days, so I'm trying my best to get as many updates out now, before hand, since last time I felt like crap for over two weeks after.


	21. Best Weekend Ever?  *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's your last weekend with Mark for a while, and it's going to be a long one.

When I woke up Friday morning, it was to Mark's gentle kisses and warm embrace. I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. "Morning Mark."

He smiled back at me. "Good morning babe. So, what's the plan for today? Anything exciting? I kind of forgot what we decided yesterday, except we were going to spend Monday in Dublin with Jack and Signe. And have copious amount of sexy times and snuggles in between." He grinned a little wider. "Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part."

I kissed him, not so gently, passion and hunger fueling the kiss. "Our plan was a sexathon all weekend, starting today, except for food, showering, sleep, and necessary bathroom breaks. So, food and drinks first? Or shall we just get busy?" I wriggled my eyebrows and rubbed against Mark, teasing him a little.

He laughed. "Okay babe. I love that plan, but we can do some other things too, if you want. Like, oh I don't know, watching some TV and cuddling, or even just doing chores like washing my clothes or cooking a few meals."

I grinned, hugging him close and pulling my face back a little to look into his face. "If we must, but I'm more than willing to just spend all weekend in bed. But Mark, if you want to do something, just tell me. It's your vacation and you have to leave in a few days."

Mark smiled, watching me. He placed a gentle kiss on my jaw, then kissed up face along my cheek, ending with a sweet kiss on the tip of my nose. "Sweetheart, whatever you want to do with me, or to me, is going to be amazing. Now, let's go get some coffee and breakfast. Then we can move the party back in here." Mark stared into my eyes, looking for something, then he smiled and kissed me gently again. "Babe, I love you. Seriously, I need you to know that."

I smiled sweetly, snuggling my head into his chest and closing my eyes. "Mark, I love you too. More than I ever thought possible. I wish you and I could spend everyday together with you, forever. I hope you know that." I just held on to him for a few minutes, not letting him go. Then I looked back into his face. "Mark, I can't even believe how much you mean to me and how fast all this has happened." I kissed him again, softly. "Thank you."

Mark raised an eyebrow as he smiled at me. "For what baby?"

"For everything. For coming home with me. For inspiring me everyday for years. For loving me. For being you. Especially for being you."

Mark shook his head, smile never wavering. "You don't have to thank me, babe. [Y/n], I love you for being you too. And I couldn't bear the thought of being apart so soon after we had just gotten together. I hope we can handle this now, even though I'm afraid I won't be able to stand being away from you. The only thing that makes me think I'll be okay is you know how to handle long-distance relationships and we have promised to talk everyday." Mark rested his head on my shoulder, refusing to let me go. "This is so much harder than I thought it would be, than I ever expected." Mark looked nearly ready to cry.

I stroked Mark's hair. "Sweetheart, we have a few days together before you leave. Let's not dwell on this right now." A gentle kiss on the forehead made him smile at me. "Come on, how do chocolate waffles with strawberries and cream sound for breakfast? I also have some bacon, I think."

Mark nodded and let me go, instead taking my hand gently and wordlessly leading me down the hall to the kitchen. Before long, we were both cooking, Mark cooking the bacon while I made the waffle batter and slice strawberries. When he finished, I kissed him sweetly, and motioned him to a seat. Mark grinned as he watched me, teasing me gently about nearly dancing around the kitchen as I worked, making the waffles, whipping the cream, and setting everything out for us. "Babe, I swear, you could be a dancer, after watching you cook. You move so gracefully. And I know you're very flexible." He wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively. 

I laughed. "Mark, I'm just not coordinated enough for that. I love cooking, so I put everything into it when I do it. Just like certain other things."

Mark grinned, a slight blush creeping up his cheeks. "And what, milady, might you be referring to? Hmm?"

I pulled my face into a bland expression and turned to face him. "Oh, you know, computer repairs, playing video games, making artwork, that kind of thing." I grinned unrepentantly at the expression on Mark's face when I said that. I giggled a little as he frowned and looked hurt, then lowered the pitch of my voice and looked at him again. "I love you too, so of course I put everything I've got into that too. I thought you knew that."

Mark shivered, then grinned hugely. "I just love to hear you say it. All the time. Over and over again." I smiled and gently booped Mark on the nose with a strawberry. He chuckled and ate it from me, kissing my fingers as he finished, making me shiver in turn, then pitched his voice lower. "Come here. I have a surprise for you."

I laughed, batting his arm away gently and dancing out of range. "Sorry Markimoo. I don't want to burn breakfast. Besides, I can see your 'surprise' from here. Just wait until we get some food in our systems, then you can surprise me all day." I batted my eyes flirtatiously, making Mark laugh, and pulled the first of the finished waffles from the iron, poured more batter, and handed the plate over to Mark after piling on the whipped cream and strawberries. Mark smiled happily and pulled me into his arms again for a hug and kiss before letting me go to start eating. I smiled and stayed next to him until I needed to go get my waffles. After they finished, I turned the waffle iron off for now, stored the extra batter in the fridge for another time, and finished fixing my plate. When I went to sit down, Mark growled and pulled me into his lap to sit, eating around me. I chuckled. "Sweetie, I can sit on another seat so you can eat more comfortably. I promise, I'm not going anywhere."

Mark tightened his arm around my waist. "Nope. I want to snuggle you while we eat. Then I want to do more than snuggle. As many times as we can. Let's set records."

Laughter bubbled up out of my chest. "Wow Mark. I'm not sure where they would keep those records, or how we would know if we broke them, or whether I would want to break them. Which records exactly? Most orgasms in the shortest amount of time? Most condoms used in a weekend? Hottest sex scene? What records were you thinking of?"

Mark blushed. "Uh, I actually hadn't thought that part out yet. When you say them out loud, they seem silly. Let's just forget I said that and eat."

I grinned at him. "Fine with me." I leaned against his shoulder and dug into my food. Mark and I finished eating at almost the same time, both of us putting our plates down as soon as we had eaten what we wanted. Mark jumped up, startling a squeak out of me, but he had me wrapped up tight in his arms, so I ended being carried back to the bedroom, my arms wrapped around Mark's neck for added balance and security. As soon as we were in the bedroom though, Mark gently tossed me into the bed, reaching down to take his pajama bottoms, the only clothes he was wearing, off. I grinned from my position on the bed and stripped my own clothes off, throwing the nightgown down beside the nightstand to deal with another time. Mark's eye darkened and he immediately dove for me, pulling me into a full body embrace as our backs hit the mattress. We instantly delved into each others mouths, as though searching for answers to the mysteries of the universe, swallowing each others moans as we ground our bodies together. We were both rapidly overheating and I felt Mark reach up and grab a condom, breaking away from my mouth just long enough to tear the packet open with his teeth, before crashing back down into my mouth with his own. I felt him slide the condom on one handed in an oddly hot and somehow fluid motion before he used that same hand to guide his hot member into me. I shuddered slightly as he entered me, making his hips stutter and we soon found a rhythm that suited us both, making us throw our heads back and pant mindlessly as we fucked like beasts. When we were both satisfied for the moment, we lay on my bed, rapidly cooling off, cuddling. I reached down to bring a blanket up over the two of us, at least for now, and we just laid there, attempting to regain our strength. 

Mark was the first one to speak. "Baby, that was hot as hell, and I loved it, but I think we need to slow down. You're going to kill me otherwise. My heart will just explode in my chest."

I gave him a half smile, nodding slightly. "I know the feeling. I swear I can feel my heart pounding and feel every beat in my toes. We need to remember to pace ourselves. After all, we have the whole long weekend to ourselves and it really won't be that long until we see each other again in LA." 

Mark reached over and ran a hand down my cheek, cupping my jaw, staring intently at my face, as though memorizing every detail. I looked back at him, just watching him, trying to determine what he was thinking. Before I could guess, or even ask, he smiled at me and asked me a question. "[Y/N], sweetheart, what are you thinking about? You look so beautiful here, it's making me crazy, but I'd love to know what's going on in your brain."

I giggled, slightly helplessly, rolling just slightly away. "I was just wondering what you were thinking. Are we really that couple, the one who everyone always complains about with amused expressions, that finish each others sentences and practically read each others thoughts? Really?"

Mark chuckled. "Looks like it. God, can you imagine how bad we'd be if we actually lived together? No one would be able to stand us. Now, come over here. I miss you already, and I think I'm ready for round two over here." He grinned ferally, making me shiver and immediately roll back into his arms. He kissed me, passion, lust, love, and sweet emotions all rolled into one spectacular kiss. We made love, repeated, trying out many different things, exploring each others likes and dislikes, as the day progressed. By the time seven pm rolled around, we decided to go grab showers. Once we had washed up and gotten clean, Mark and I got dressed, for the first time all day, and I tossed the dirty bedclothes in the washer, making the bed with fresh sheets while Mark gathered up some of his belongings, packing as much as he could so we could relax for the next few days with nothing but each other to focus on. I smiled and came over to help him as soon as the bed was freshly made, leaning into him and closing my eyes when he waved off my offer of assistance. A few minutes later, I felt a soft kiss on my cheek and Mark's arms wrapped securely around my waist. "Hey babe, what do you want to do for dinner tonight?"

I hummed softly, thinking. "I don't know. Do you want me to cook something, or would you rather get some takeout? I could go for some pizza or Chinese food, but I don't know what sounds good to you." I opened my eyes and looked into his face. "And let's go eat on the couch, snuggle, and watch something silly on TV for a while. I'm kind of tired, but I'm hungry too."

Mark grinned savagely. "Why on earth could that be I wonder? Pizza or Chinese sounds real good to me too. Especially if we get it delivered and we can just relax together until we eat." I nodded, curling into Mark's chest and closing my eyes again tiredly. He rested a hand on my back, gently rubbing one of my shoulders. "Babe? Let's go curl up on the couch. We can call an order in for food from there and just work on gathering our strength back. You look ready to collapse, if I'm being honest. And we both probably ought to drink as much water as we can stand." I nodded but didn't move otherwise until Mark started walking, guiding me out to the couch. He sat me down, grabbed my blanket from the back, handed it to me, and went into the kitchen, hauling out takeout menus and a tray with glasses, juice, and a large pitcher of ice water for us. He set everything down in easy reach and settled in beside me. As soon as he was settled, I scooted closer, practically crawling into his lap, curling up like a cat in his warmth, and draped the blanket over the two of us. I then reached forward and grabbed one of the glasses of juice and handed it to him, wordlessly, and took the other for myself. We both drained the glasses fairly quickly and decided what to order for dinner. Mark called the order in and shut his phone off, closing his eyes as he leaned into me. We sat like that, waiting for our food and just enjoying the silence for several long moments until we heard a sudden knock on the door. I stood up and stretched, waving Mark to stay in the seat, thinking it was the food, and headed to the door, wallet in hand.

It was Jack and Signe. I smiled at them. Signe looked at me and laughed. "Wow, you look pretty drained there [y/n]. We wanted to hang out for a little while tonight, mostly to make sure the two of you remembered to eat and drink something and take a break so you don't kill each other completely. Mind if we come in?"

I grinned and gestured for them to come in. "No problem. Mark and I just ordered some dinner a few minutes ago. We're curled up on the couch, recharging our batteries for a bit. I thought you were going to be the food delivery, that's why I had my wallet out." I yawned hugely and walked back to the couch, resuming my seat next to Mark and snuggling back into him. He smiled at me as I got comfortable. "Hey, help yourselves to something to drink. I know you both know where everything is, and I'm too wiped out to go get anything for you. Sorry."

Jack laughed. "Whoa. Ye and Mark must really have been busy little hump bunnies. Not that we heard anything. I'm just going my how tired tha two of ye both seem. Have ye bothered ta eat at all today?"

I blushed a little. "Ja-ack! We're fine. We're just tired. And we ate some breakfast, bacon and waffles with fruit." I yawned again. "We are adults, you know."

Jack snorted. Mark and I blushed slightly. Mark reached a hand up and rested it on my back, gently rubbing it as he looked at Jack and Signe. "Thanks for the vote of confidence Jack. Now, did you just come over to harass us, or do you want to watch some TV with us and hang out?"

Signe swatted Jack's shoulder, gently rebuking him, making me grin. "We wanted to hang out. And we really did want to make sure the two of you were okay. I mean, we haven't heard any movement from over here all day, so we kind of figured either the two of you were holed up in bed or you had left for the whole day. After you answered the door though, it was pretty obvious you both just spent the whole day with each other." She smiled at me. "You both look way more relaxed than you have been in a while, even if you look like a strong breeze would blow you over."

I blushed again. "Hey, we had already decided to come out here and watch some TV, get some food and drinks, and take a break before you two showed up. And we even took a break to do laundry and help Mark get packed up to leave, mostly. So hush, we adulted all day." I grinned. "Now, who wants to watch cartoons?"

Everyone laughed, especially Mark. "Babe, the irony of that statement was just too much. Give me the remote." I complied, kissing him gently as I gave the device over. "Thanks. I say we watch some Cutthroat Kitchen. Any objections?" We all shook our heads no, so Mark queued up an episode and we settled back to watch, pausing it when the food arrived and Mark went to go pay.

Jack and Signe stayed for two episodes of Cutthroat Kitchen, after which they excused themselves to head back to their apartment for the evening. As they left, Signe grinned at me. "Have a good night sweetie. Try to actually get a little sleep. We'll see you both soon."

I blushed just a little as I wished her goodnight. When I got back into the living room, I grabbed Mark's hand and pulled him off the couch, down the hall, and into the bedroom. He grinned at me as I stripped, then followed suit, and we both laid down on the bed, too tired for sex, but still wanting to be as close as we could. We both fell asleep quickly, enjoying the naked snuggles. We may or may not have woken each other up for sex several times throughout the night and stayed in bed until noon the next day, sleeping late and enjoying some morning sex together, but we definitely managed to drag ourselves out to the kitchen by noon, making brunch together. We were both dressed in comfortable, casual clothes as we cooked and ate, but since we planned to head back to the bedroom immediately after we ate, it didn't seem worth the effort to get dressed properly. We finished our food, making sure to drink as much as we could stand, and put the food away before Mark chased me back to the bedroom, catching me just at the door, scooping me up in his arms, making me laugh. He tossed me onto the bed and jumped on after me and we picked up where we had left off earlier, getting each other ready for more sex. We went through two and a half boxes of condoms between Friday and Saturday, and seemed to have worked each other out of our systems. By Sunday, we decided to just snuggle and watch movies all day. I texted Signe and invited her and Jack, if he wasn't too busy recording, to come over for a movie marathon, video games, and food. Signe happy accepted. We spent the day together, Jack joining us for a while, but having to head back and work after a time. Signe teased Mark and I about being oddly absent the previous day, but we ignored her, mostly. By the time she went home in the evening, we were all fairly tired and we all knew we needed to get up early for the next day, so we called an early night. Signe left, promising to meet us at my car at seven. I smiled at her and waved as she left. Mark came over and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Come on babe. Let's go back to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a rough day, but hopefully, a fun one none the less."

I smiled at him, then reached over and kissed him softly. "Are you tired Mark?" He shook his head. "Me neither. Let's go back to bed anyway though. I bet we can wear each other out with a few more round of sex, then sleep soundly until we need to get up in the morning. Sound like a plan?"

Mark grinned and nodded. "Sounds perfect, baby. Lead the way." I grabbed Mark's hand and dragged him once more back to the bedroom, closing the door behind us. We made love until we fell asleep in each others arm, satisfied and exhausted.


	22. Dub(lin) Stepping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to go explore Dublin...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Truely terrible title pun, I know. I can't help myself sometimes. XD

Mark and I woke up around six, both of us just coming awake before the alarm for no apparent reason. We rolled into each other and cuddled for a little while before we both decided to get up and take a shower together. We were both feeling a little sad and edgy, but neither of us said anything about it, choosing to ignore the nerves and sorrow from Mark's impending departure. We both got dressed in casual, comfortable clothes, including a hat for Mark to cover his hair, and triple checked my apartment to make sure Mark wasn't forgetting anything he had brought and might need before I flew over in a few weeks. He was all packed and ready when we headed down to the car at ten minutes before seven, so I helped him load his bags in my car and we both stood there, looking at each other, hugging, trying to mentally prepare for a stressful day. Mark smiled at me as we stood there. "Babe, I know this is impossibly hard. It sucks. I'm sorry."

I looked at him. "Mark, we can do this. It's just harder right now because we don't have anything to distract ourselves with. Thank god Signe agreed to come with us. I doubt I would have been very safe to drive back after I dropped you off. I have the feeling I would have been a crying, distracted, twitching mess. I still might be, but at least I won't be behind the wheel or alone. But enough of this. We need to focus on other things. Dublin should be fun. I've never been there, except just passing through for the airport and one day when I was exploring Ireland. I'm not a big fan of cities, so I tend to keep my visits short, or skip them, unless I have a reason to go there."

Mark grinned. "Wow. I'm the opposite, I guess. I like having a lot of stuff nearby to do. I get bored otherwise."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Really? Athlone is pretty small. Were you bored here?"

Mark shook his head, his grin never wavering. "Nope. But, I don't live here either. Yet, somehow I feel like even if I did, I wouldn't get bored, because you're here. Still, I can't wait to get back home."

I smiled and gently kissed him. "I know baby. You'll be home before you know it, and then we'll be Skyping all the time. Thank god Skype is a free service, otherwise we would have huge phone bills." Mark nodded, squeezing me a little closer. We heard a small cough behind us, so we both turned our heads to look. Jack and Signe were standing there. Jack looked sleepy, but determined, and was drinking an enormous mug of coffee. Signe was smiling at us. I smiled back at her. "Morning guys. Are you all set to go? Mark's bags are already loaded in the car."

Signe giggled a little. "We figured. Now, give me those keys and get in the back. You and Mark can snuggle while we travel to Dublin, since clearly you are both too distracted to drive. Jack, you can sit up next to me and try to wake up a little more."

Jack grinned lopsidedly as I handed the keys over. "Yes dear." He leaned over and kissed her cheek as he got in the front seat. Mark and I climbed in the back and cuddled close, unwilling to sit very far apart unless we had to. Jack saw us and grinned. "Ye two are going ta be a problem, aren't ye?" He shook his head at us. "Just try ta keep it PG rated or less. I don't want ta have ta explain why I was caught in public with a couple of oversexed friends, who got arrested for public nudity or sex in a bathroom."

I blushed. "Jack! We wouldn't do that. We're just cuddling. Besides, we are both ready for a break from sex for a little while, I think."

Mark kissed me and winked. "As much as it pains me to admit this, she's right. We sexed ourselves out over the last couple of days. Now we're just ridiculously snuggly and sweet." He raised on arm and gently booped my nose with a finger. "And don't even tell me you and Signe aren't the same way sometimes. I've seen it."

Jack grinned into his coffee as he took another long sip. "Ye got me. Seriously though, are tha two of ye going ta be okay later? At tha airport? And after?"

I looked at Mark, raising an eyebrow. He grinned. "Probably? I mean, there will no doubt be tears, but I'll try to man up and not sob too much."

I tried and failed to hide a large grin. I looked at Jack. "I'll be fine. Probably more quiet and sad for a day or two, but I can handle this. And I know exactly how long it will be until I see Mark again, which makes all this a lot easier." I rested my head on Mark's chest, curling against him like a cat. "We'll be okay. By the time Mark is ready to record again in LA, in a few days, we should both be back to normal. And I made sure we both had more than enough videos logged and ready so we could wait until we weren't so gloomy to try to record ourselves again. Mark has about a five day buffer, not counting today's videos, and I have a solid week and a half. I'll definitely be recording again before that, but I'm not sure how long I'll need to get back to being happy and hopeful for the camera. I'm not going to force it. I think the fans would know." 

Jack looked a little surprised, then smiled warmly at me. "Ye're right. They always do. I'm just surprised ye got Mark that far ahead on his videos."

I grinned. "Well, I helped him edit. And he had incentive to work faster."

Mark blushed a little and kissed me. "You don't have to tell him everything, babe. I doubt Jack wants all the dirt on our sex life."

Signe laughed. "He might not, but I do! We are definitely having some girl time to discuss it later." Mark's blush intensified. Signe looked at Jack, who was looking at his coffee, carefully avoiding anyone's eyes. "Oh, come on, you know it's true. She's certainly heard me talk about ours enough, Sean." Jack blushed even brighter than Mark, and I giggled.

I couldn't help myself. "Yeah. Plus what I hear through the walls. I could write a very interesting tell-all if I were so inclined. But don't worry. I'm not. Your secrets are safe with me."

Signe grinned at me. "Good. Yours are safe with us too sweetie. Now, let's get moving. I promised Jack we'd stop for breakfast first thing, so let's get to it!" She started up the car and we drove off. Mark and I snuggled together, talking quietly to Jack and Signe as we rode in the back. Signe found an out-of-the-way diner that she and Jack had been to before, and we got out and grabbed some food. As we headed in, I grabbed Mark's hand, wrapping my fingers between his. He smiled and squeezed our joined hands, then swung our arms a little as we walked. Signe giggled. "You two look like a couple of teenagers on a date. It's sweet."

I stuck my tongue out at her. "I can't help it. I just want to be close to Mark until he has to fly home. And holding his hand is the least obtrusive way I could think of to stay close." I looked down. "I'm going to miss the hell out of you, Mark." 

Mark nodded. "I'm going to miss you too. [Y/N], I know this is tough. I know why you can't come with me right now. I know why I can't stay here. It sucks. But remember, we have a plan. Besides, I think a short break will be good for us. Let ourselves recover. I mean, you were kind of, uh..." He trailed off, looking at Jack and Signe, who were suddenly very interested. I grinned, still ducking my head. "Amazing, but you're stronger than I expected. I have some interesting bruises" He leaned closer and whispered the rest of what he had to say. "And I think you made me pull some muscles in odd places. I need to rest up for the next time."

I grinned at him, meeting his eyes. "I know babe. I'm just sorry to see you leave. I can handle it. I just want to make sure you know how I feel before you go. I'll be thinking about you a lot while you're gone."

Mark nodded and kissed my shoulder, a sweet gesture I appreciated. We had just walked in to the diner and the waitress came up at the same time, smiling at our group. She lead us to an empty booth, took our drink orders, and promised to be back soon to get the food orders, letting us have a few minutes to look over the menu. Mark and I were sitting next to each other, scooted in close, holding hands still. I decided to get a simple order of eggs, bacon, and toast. Once I decided, I closed my menu and rested my head on Mark's shoulder. closing my eyes. I felt him let go of my hand and wrap an arm around me instead, making me smile, even with my eyes closed. After a few minutes, I heard the waitress coming back, so I opened my eyes. Jack and Signe were watching us, smiling. I glanced at Mark, who was watching me as well, love shining out from his eyes. I blinked and was saved from making a comment by the waitress. "So have ye folks decided what ye want this morning?"

We all nodded and placed our orders. Mark and Jack both got pancakes, bacon, and eggs. Signe opted for fruit and an omelette. I placed my order last, asking for my eggs over easy and a bottle of hot sauce. The waitress nodded as she walked off, calling our order back to the kitchen and returning after just a few seconds with our drinks. I grabbed the creamer and sweetener, adding it to my tea, and took a sip after stirring it. I sighed happily and settled into Mark's side again. He was sipping his coffee, but stopped and kissed the top of my head after I leaned into his shoulder again. I looked at his face, smiling. He smiled back. Signe commented on us. "I'm glad the two of you seem less sad now. You both look so much more relaxed and happy than you have in a very long time, and I'm glad. You both deserve to be happy. [Y/N], I know you won't be later, but I'm going to do my best to make sure the next couple of days are as fun as I can make them. I've set aside tomorrow to just spend the whole day with you, unless you need to sleep. We can do whatever you want. I'm not going to just let you bury yourself in work or hide from the world and be depressed. It's not healthy."

I blushed a little. "Actually, I hadn't planned on working at all until I feel better about Mark being gone. Like I said, I recorded enough that I have a few days where I can just get a grip on my emotions and not try to force myself to be cheerful, just so my fans aren't worried. It's why I made Mark do the same thing. I mentioned on Tumblr last night that Mark was leaving today, so I was probably going to be away from the Internet for a few days, dealing with wrap-up things from his visit and not to expect to see too much of me for that time. I hope everyone understands. I also hope it helps explain Mark's quietness on social media while he travels and gets settled in at home again."

Mark chuckled. "Babe, I'm not nearly as good about reposting and responding as you are. Your community is going to notice way sooner than mine. Hell, I could probably be gone for two weeks and my community would barely notice. Yours would notice after a few hours." He kissed my shoulder again. "You're really active online, especially since you left your other job."

I grinned at him. "Well, that was kind of the point of leaving it. And you have been active online lately too."

"I blame you for that. You got me in some really good habits. Or bad, if I revert back to my old ways, like usual. My community will no doubt come yell at you to hurry up and visit me again and get me back to work."

I laughed. "I think that might just be wishful thinking babe. I doubt they're going to make the correlation between you and I visiting each other and you being on a better schedule, at least not after one visit."

Jack laughed and interjected a comment. "Ye never know. They notice more than ye think. And none of tha fan bases we have are quiet or stupid." He grinned at me. "Good thing ye have a lot of tha same fans as Mark does. No doubt they're going ta figure things out, but they won't be yelling at ye for making him upset if they think ye're upset too. I just hope they don't flood Felix and I with worried comments if ye are quiet for more than a day or two."

I sighed. "If they do, tell me please. I can address it or get back online and respond to comments sooner than I can record and seem happy again. I don't want anyone to have to deal with too much crowd control from my fans." 

Jack shook his head. "We're used ta it. Any time there is a change on any of our channels, schedules, or if something is a little different, we all hear about what happened with the other from our fans before we can see if for ourselves, usually. When Felix was too busy ta upload because he was recording Scare PewDiePie, tha fans messaged me a lot."

Mark nodded. "Yeah, me too. And when Jack hired Robin, I heard all about it from the community. Any change is discussed endlessly, across our fan bases, just because so many people are involved in multiple communities. And they yell at us to check on each other if we get sick. They tell us how much they like seeing the collabs or miss seeing them when it's been a while since we posted one. Plus all the stuff they push at us for each other when one of us is at a convention and the others aren't."

I smiled. "Sounds rough. Knowing you have literally millions of people who actually care about your well-being and want to see you happy. So sad." I looked at Signe. "I do understand what you're talking about though. The lack of personal space. And the potential hate when things change. I'm a little surprised how little hate I've gotten for being with you, Mark. I know Signe has had to deal with some because she's with Jack."

Mark grinned a little shamefacedly, and blushed, looking down. "Actually, babe, um, I've gotten a little because people don't like that I'm with you."

My jaw dropped. Jack looked a little surprised and Signe laughed. "Oh wow. That's kind of hilarious. Usually, the hate I get is from the Septiplier shippers. Who's hating on you, Mark?"

He blushed a little brighter, the tips of his ears going red. "Um. Nevermind. Forget I mentioned it." I reach over and lifted his chin, cupping his jaw in one hand, to make him look me in the eye. "Seriously babe. Forget it."

I hugged him, kissed his cheek, and then sat up crossing my arms in front of me and leaning on the booth table slightly. "Mark, I have my suspicions. I'm not going to let it go or forget it, but I will let it drop for now." I sighed. "I wish you had said something to me sooner."

Mark waved a hand at me. "Nah. I can handle it. Hell, it's not nearly as bad as some of the comments I've gotten for other reasons in the past."

I gave him a look that clearly said this wasn't over, but he looked away, focusing on Jack and changing the topic of conversation over to games. I continued to just give him that same steady look, making him sweat slightly until the food arrived. Signe giggled and whispered across the table to me as soon as I looked away from Mark. "Did you notice how much you made him squirm? I swear, if the food hadn't come out just now he would have collapsed under that look. How did you do that? He wasn't even looking at you."

I grinned and whispered back. "I know. I'm good at getting silent messages to him." I smirked slightly. "Watch this." I turned and looked at Mark again, thinking I wanted a hug. Five seconds later, Mark wrapped his arms around me and hugged me close, placing a gentle kiss on my cheek. I giggled and looked back at Signe, who rolled her eyes.

"That wasn't a fair test, and you know it."

Mark looked at the two of us confused. "What are the two of you talking about?" He rested his head on my shoulder. I smiled at him and kissed the top of his head softly. He smiled back. "I love you babe. I'm sorry Jack and I were ignoring you and you needed a hug."

Signe raised an eyebrow. "Okay, that was more impressive. I still want more proof though."

I laughed and explained to the very confused men what I was doing. Mark blushed and grinned. "Okay, I admit, you are really, almost scarily good at that." I smirked again. "Don't gloat."

Jack laughed. "Mark, ye are in so much trouble." Signe elbowed him. "Hey! I didn't tell him why. Ye have sharp elbows there love."

I giggled, relaxing into Mark's hold. I closed my eyes and hummed softly to myself for a few seconds, thinking how perfect this all was and wishing the moment would never end. I knew it would, and let it go, opening my eyes to be met with Mark, holding my toast, which he had added jam and butter to for me, up to my mouth. I grinned and took a bite. "Thanks Mark."

He grinned at me. "Did I get the toast right?" I nodded. He grinned again and grabbed a forkful of his own food. I heard Signe laugh and looked over at her. Jack and Signe were rolling their eyes and chuckling. I raised an eyebrow.

Signe cleared her throat and tried to control the giggles. "Sorry. You two were just too much. I mean, that was so sickeningly sweet... He actually fed you a bite of breakfast while you cuddled him. It was ridiculous." I grinned and raised my eyebrow again, silently reminding her of the last time she and Jack had gone out to eat with me alone. She blushed and looked at Jack, who was blushing a little now too. Mark laughed. Signe giggled again. "I forgot how clearly you can express yourself without saying a word. Damn. No wonder Mark understands you. You know, you could teach me how to do that. It would be very useful."

I laughed. "Nope. I don't really know how I do it, except letting everything I'm thinking run across my face and eyes. And I can't explain it any better than that. I can also hide exactly what I'm thinking by doing the reverse." I looked down, willing myself not to think of the past and my pain, keeping my face as neutral as possible. Mark felt my posture change and my body stiffen a little and he pulled my chin up to look in my eyes.

"Please, babe, don't do that with me. I feel like you're shutting me out. I want to help, even if it's just to make you feel better because you're having a bad day, or something from the past is bothering you." I met his eyes and let some of my pain show. He swallowed and kissed my forehead, comforting me wordlessly. I buried my face in his side again. 

I heard Jack speak up next. "Lass? Are ye okay?"

Mark just kept holding me, letting me deal with things however I needed. He turned to Jack. "Something we said just now brought the past up for her. I'm not sure what. I could see the pain in her eyes." He rubbed a hand down my back, looking down at me. "I wish I could just take all that pain and sorrow away. You deserve a lot better babe. You're such a wonderful person, and I feel so happy to know you. I'm going to be miserable while we're separated, even if we do talk all the time. I hope my friends at home can help cheer me up."

I pulled myself together and pushed the pain away as best I could, sitting back up, but not leaving Mark's side. "Sorry everyone. My therapist said at my last session this might happen. Actually, he feels like I'm making amazing progress." I looked into Mark's face, smiling now. "He said you're the reason why Mark. You make me brave enough to face my fears and deal with things. And I told him that you were the first person I ever felt able to tell my story to. He was amazed. And encouraged. At my last session, he told me that my spending time with you could be nothing but a good thing, so he agreed to my extending my stay in LA with you."

Mark's smile was brilliant. "Oh baby, that's amazing! Wait, you talked about me to your therapist?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, some. I mentioned I was seeing someone and how much you were helping me deal with things, and the therapist started asking some questions. I gave him your first name, but that's all. And I still haven't told him everything about my past yet, or that I'm who I am. I've gotten close a few times, at least with the identity reveal, but my panic always gets in the way. If you were staying longer, I'd ask you to come with me for that, actually." I looked down. "I know that's asking a lot. That's mostly why I haven't already asked you. And you're so busy."

Mark stopped me with a finger pressed to my lips. "Enough. Sweetheart, I would gladly come with you to do that if you needed me to. I'm here for you, however I can be. And if you want to try calling me over Skype to have me there that way, I'll do that too."

I looked up into his face, surprised. He was smiling at me. "Really?" Mark nodded. "Thanks Mark. That means a lot to me. But for right now, let's just eat our breakfasts." Everyone focused on their food and before long, the conversation was once again flowing a bit more freely and we finished eating. I reached for the check, only to me waved away by Jack, who insisted on treating. Mark made a face at him, as he had reached over to pay as well. 

Jack just grinned. "Nope. My treat today. Think of it as a going away present, Mark. And we mooch enough food off you, lass, paying for yer meals occasionally is tha least we can do." I smiled and shook my head, not fighting anymore, and followed Signe back out to my car.

Mark caught up with us almost immediately, wrapping his arms around me as soon as he did. I leaned into him and kissed his cheek. He grinned at me. "Thanks babe. You should have waited for me. I was just talking to Jack for a minute while he waited or his credit card back."

I sighed and snuggled my shoulder into Mark's chest. "I just figured maybe you were getting sick of me and wanted a minute with Jack. I know he's been your friend a lot longer than I've known either of you and I've been hogging you all to myself this whole visit. I mean, you haven't had more than a few minutes to talk to him without me for weeks. Normally, you could at least Skype with him, even if it wasn't face to face conversations."

Mark shook his head. "I haven't needed to. And I could never, ever, ever be sick of being with you babe. I love you way too much." He pulled me up straighter and kissed me. We were both smiling when we separated. 

Signe stepped closer. "You two, I swear, you make me want to cry happy tears. But we really do need to get moving so we can get to Dublin before noon. It takes a couple of hours, or at least an hour and a half with no traffic. That was the whole point of leaving early you know. Now, take this," she handed me a list of places we could potentially stop and check out in Dublin, "look it over, and tell me what you think looks fun. I know a few of them are ones I want to visit, but I want to know where you and Mark want to go too. Oh, and when Jack gets back, we can get his input too. Or if none of these look good, we can always pull out one of our phones and check online for interesting places to visit."

I smiled and nodded, looking at the list carefully. There were about thirty places listed, ranging from bridges, castles, and cathedrals, to libraries, museums, gardens, parks, waterparks, and the zoo. I smiled, looking it over, to see such a wide variety of places. I turned to Mark. "Babe? What sounds interesting to you? I know what I'd like to see, but I want to know what you think too. There are a few on this list I definitely want to see, but I live a hell of a lot closer to Dublin then you do, and I can come back another time and explore a few on my own." I looked at Mark, waiting for his answer.

"Well, a lot of these sound fun. I want to see one of the castles, a museum or two, and hopefully a park or the zoo. Oh, and the science gallery sounds really awesome!"

I grinned at his enthusiasm and nodded. "Yeah, I thought so too. For the museum, I'd love to see the National Wax Museum, the Irish Museum of Modern Art, the Book of Kells, or the National Library of Ireland." I winked at Mark. "The National Leprechaun Museum would be fun too. So would the National Botanic Gardens." I sighed. "Actually, almost everything on this list sounds amazing. Maybe if my brother does come visit me, the two of us can come spend a few days exploring Dublin. I know he's going to want to do the Guinness Storeroom tour and probably the Old Jameson Distillery tour."

Mark smiled at me. "Well, definitely save those for when I'm not visiting. I mean, they sound cool and all, but since I can't drink, they won't be as much fun."

I chuckled. "Babe, I can't really drink either. My medications don't mix well with alcohol. Besides, I've never been much of a drinker. In college, I was always the designated driver, which was pretty cool because it meant I could drink whatever non-alcoholic drink I wanted and I never paid for food or drinks. Usually the bar kicked the soda or tea in for free and my friends always paid for the food, mostly because I was also reminding them to eat and watching out for them."

Mark nodded, a small smile on his face. "Yeah, we always had a friend like that with us too. Actually, I was that friend sometimes. And of course, this was before I knew I was actually allergic to the alcohol."

Jack had rejoined us by this point and was grinning widely. He looked at me. "So ye never spent the day after a party being sick?"

I laughed. "Nope. Even when I did drink, I've never actually gotten drunk. Even the time I ordered an entire pitcher of margaritas and drank the whole thing by myself. I was a little tipsy, but no where near drunk. And I definitely didn't have a hangover the next day. It made my friends so mad, which I always thought was kind of funny." I shook my head ruefully. "I think I must have a really high tolerance. Actually the closest to drunk I've ever been was when I did shots at a cousins wedding." I blushed a little at the memory.

Mark immediately jumped on it. "So, [y/n], exactly how many shots are we talking about? And over how long a time period? What happened?"

I bit my lip. "I sang a slightly slurred version of 'It's Raining Men' on Karaoke at the reception and tripped on my dress." I blushed again and looked down. "I drank twenty five shots in about two hours, and about fourteen more by the end of the night. Mostly I was knocking back four kinds, but I tried about twelve different ones throughout the evening. I liked the Pearl Necklace, Irish Potato, Disco Ball, and Squish Frog best." I looked back up to see my friends staring at me, open-mouthed. My blush brightened.

Jack suddenly grinned and started laughing. "Well, ye did say ye had Irish ancestors. I think that proves it. Jaysus, that's a load of booze."

I nodded. "Yeah. No one was keeping track of how much I was actually drinking and everyone just kept giving me more shots." I laughed a little. "Oh, and it turns out, I really like drinks with rum, Midori (a melon liqueur), and Bailey's. Or straight shots of Fireball or Honey whiskey, 99 Bananas, and 99 Blackberries."

Jack shook his head, still chuckling. Mark leaned over and kissed me gently. "You never cease to amaze me babe. I would have thought you were a lightweight for sure, when it came to drinking. It sounds like you could hold your own against anyone I know, that's for sure."

I smiled. "Yeah, I don't drink often, like I said, but when I do, I usually can drink everyone under the table and not be drunk. Even with all those shots, I was barely slurring my speech and I was walking perfectly normally. I've seen the video. But anyway, I don't really drink Guinness or beer in general. I think it tastes pretty gross, to tell the truth. So, yeah, I can definitely skip the Guinness storeroom tour and the old Jameson tour today."

Mark nodded then pulled me in close for a hug as we got settled in the car. "Thanks babe. Now, Jack, what do you want to see in Dublin today? That's what we were talking about before we suddenly switched to drinking habits." Mark handed Jack the list we had been looking at. "[Y/N] and I both want to see a few things that are the same, but you probably know Dublin the best. Where do you recommend?"

Jack grinned at us. "Well, it depends on what ye want ta see. What did ye both have in mind?"

I pointed out some of the stops on the list. "The zoo or one of the parks, the Science Gallery, maybe one of the bridges or castles, and a museum or library." I sighed and snuggled into Mark's side. "We're not that picky. Honestly, a lot of these places sound like fun."

Jack nodded. "Good choices. I'd say maybe tha zoo and Phoenix Park in tha morning, then we head out for some lunch, and hit tha Science Gallery after that. If we have time, Ha'Penny bridge isn't far and we could go look at that until we have ta head ta tha airport for Mark's flight. If we had more time, there are definitely other spots I recommend, but ta really experience any of them, ye need longer than we've got. Sound like a plan?"

We all nodded and Signe started the car, following the directions Jack gave her. We all chatted amiably for the drive to Dublin, stopping only when Jack needed to give a more detailed direction to Signe. We found the parking for the park and zoo and headed in Mark and I hand in hand. Jack and Signe were right along side us and also were walking hand in hand. We explored the park for a while, then agreed to split up and explore the zoo as couples, meeting back up at the zoo entrance at one thirty. I paid for Mark and I, then we started looking around the zoo. It was amazing and we had a lot of fun. We also stole kisses and shared sweet moments all morning, taking copious amounts of pictures to post on Instagram, mostly of Mark or the zoo exhibits. I was careful not to appear in any of them as more than just an arm and shoulder or occasional foot or leg. Mark and I talked a lot too. By the time we needed to head back to the entrance to the zoo, we were both in fantastic moods. Mark had told me he was going to dye his hair back to it's natural color when he got home as well. making it less obvious when we were out as a couple in LA. I smiled and thanked him sweetly, telling him he didn't have to do that, but he told me he had already decided and booked an appointment. I kissed him after that and just wrapped my arms around his waist as we walked back out of the zoo. I was very glad this was one of the rare days in Ireland that the sun was out and everything was just gorgeous and green, sparkling and practically magical. 

Jack and Signe were already waiting for us, so we all immediately walked to the restaurant Jack wanted to go to, one that was near the park. After a truly excellent meal, we all headed back to the car and Signe drove us to the Science Gallery right as the rain started again. I grinned when Mark scowled at the heavy drops coming down and handed him an umbrella to share. We walked into the gallery, were Mark insisted on paying for himself and I, and all four of us started looking at the various exhibits. The excited oohs and aaws we emitted probably sounded like over-excited children, but we were all geeking out to lesser or greater extents at the various things we saw. I, being a giant science geek, was excited about everything, bounding between exhibits and practically vibrating with energy and excitement. Signe kept looking at me and giggling as I would stop and stare at the exhibits for a long time, usual until Mark started to pull me to the next one, which would make me suddenly spring forward and bounce like a over-large bunny, to get to the next exciting thing to see. Jack looked amused as well. We stayed until almost closing time, or five pm. Mark had to be to the airport by seven, so we had about an hour and half to kill, so we headed out to the Ha'Penny Bridge, which we looked at and read about on the signs for about half an hour, then found a restaurant near the airport and got some dinner. Jack and Signe noticed Mark and I were both starting to get quiet, dreading the upcoming goodbyes, so they engaged us in as much cheerful conversation as they could. After dinner, we drove to the airport and I watched Mark leave, hugging and kissing him goodbye at the last minute. He smiled at me, promising to talk to me very, very soon, and headed up to the counter to show his ticket and go through security. Signe dragged me away, back to the car. I got in the back again, pulling out my phone and smiling slightly as I looked at the amazing pictures I had gotten today and the almost immediate text messages Mark sent me. We texted back and forth continuously until Mark had to shut his phone off for takeoff. With a sigh I put my phone away and just watched the light rain falling from the sky as it drizzled down the window of my car.


	23. ...Must Come to A (Temporary at Least) End.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark flies home and you have to deal with returning to your suddenly very empty apartment...

As Signe drove us away from Dublin, getting farther and farther from where I had last seen Mark, I got quieter and quieter, especially after Mark had to turn his phone off. Jack and Signe both noticed, but neither said anything to me at first. Signe just let me deal with things my own way, talking normally, trying but not pushing to get me into a conversation. Jack, on the other hand, was pushing, pleading, and cajoling me to talk to him. I tried, but I could feel myself getting more and more withdrawn as the evening wore on. I wasn't crying, like I had feared I would, but I was slowly going numb, like I did after a panic attack, which was almost scarier. By the time we got back to Athlone and I got into my apartment, Mark was boarded on his second flight and had already taken off, so he was waiting for me to come online. I logged into Skype from my laptop as soon as I could. His face looked determined, sad, and tired, but he perked up a lot as soon as he saw me again. I smiled too, but I was almost sure the smile didn't reach my eyes. He didn't comment on that however, but put headphones on so he could have a more private chat with me while he flew. He almost immediately commented on how quiet and subdued I seemed. "Babe? Are you holding up okay? You seem so much more quiet and sad than I expected. Well, sort of. I kind of expected you to be in tears or something, but you just seem to have closed yourself off from your emotions. Are you having panic issues? Do you need me to send Jack over to check on you?"

I shook my head. "Not exactly. I do feel a little numb, but I'm okay, sweetie, I promise. And I'll be better tomorrow than I am tonight. It's just..." I sighed and looked around my apartment. "It hit me on the way home, how empty and lonely my life could be, if you and Jack and Signe weren't in it. Sure, I talk to a few other YouTubers now, but what if I had never created a YouTube channel in the first place?" I looked down. "Or what if I had created one and chickened out like I almost did after I got home from PAX? And the empty and quiet of the apartment isn't helping. I'll get used to it again in a few days, but for now, it's almost too much to bear. I miss you so much already. Remind me again why I had to stay in Ireland instead of coming back to the US with you, please?"

Mark smiled at me. "You made some very valid points that you need stability and routine in your life right now. That too much else is changing too fast and you need to just let yourself adapt for a little while before you throw any more changes in there. And the biggest reason, you need Jack's and Signe's support, and to keep seeing your therapist so you can get better and deal with the issues your past has created for you. I hate every single one of these facts, even as I'm saying them to you, but I understand and agree with all of them. Maybe in a few months, or even a year's time, something will be different, but for now, this just sucks."

I nodded and closed my eyes, leaning back in my seat with a groan. "Why does being sad make me ache all over like I'm sick? This isn't the first time it's been like this. I'm sure it won't be the last. It just makes me feel terrible and lonely, even though I know Signe and Jack are right next door, perfectly willing to come over and help me if I need it and can ask them to." I shivered slightly and wrapped the blanket I kept on the couch around me like a shawl, curling into myself, but making sure I stayed onscreen for the camera and Mark. "I might fall asleep while we're talking Mark. Please don't take it personally. When I get sad, but not depressed, I get really tired and just sleep all the time. When I'm depressed, I'm tired all the time, but can't sleep. And my thought processes jump around and refuse to focus."

Mark watched my image for a minute. "Babe, are you telling me this for a reason, or just so I can know what to watch for in the future? Just how sad are you?"

I smiled a little wryly. "It's honestly not that bad, right now. Mostly, it's just so you know what they signs are before it gets too bad. I never, ever want to end up in the place where I was that summer in college again. And I never want to put you, or anyone else through what that did to my brother and family, or could have done to a lot more people if things had been just a little different." I looked down at my hands for a minute, my face going almost blank. "That was the worst year of my life." Suddenly, I looked through the camera directly at Mark and smiled brightly, the happiness even reaching my eyes this time. "But you saved me then, without even knowing me. I have complete faith that you will be able to help me stop from getting that bad again, especially now that I actually talk to you directly."

Mark smiled back, relaxing a little. "Thank god. I was starting to worry that leaving, even though we both knew it was coming, would push you over the edge."

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, I just need a little time to get back to normal. I mean, I'm sad, yes, but not depressed. There's too much positive in my life for me to get that down about things. All I really have to do to fight it off is go online and look at the comments I get on Twitter, on YouTube, or on Tumblr. So many of them are just encouragement, positivity, and absolute joy about something I did or said, it would be unfathomable for me to get truly depressed right now. Plus, Jack would see it and cheer me up, or Signe." I smiled faintly again. "You know, I really should do something to give back to my fans. Maybe a livestream for charity? I could do one to support mental health awareness or Suicide Prevention, since both of them have a deeper meaning for me." I pulled my lower lip with my right hand, thinking deeply.

Mark grinned. "Babe, that's a great idea, but I have a better one even. Why don't we take one of the extra days you'll be out here and schedule that as a livestream day for the Suicide Prevention Hotline or the Crisis Text Line. That way, we can both be in the stream together, and with me beside you, maybe you can talk a little about some of your struggles. Not anything too deep, just maybe that you have a more personal connection, or that you understand depression a little better than most people. I think it would really help a lot of people, but of course, we don't want you doing anything that might make your panic flare up or make you uncomfortable on camera. Other than that we can mostly just hang out, eat crappy food, respond to shit posts and twitter, and probably fuel the shippers. Although, they seem under full swing with you anyway. You get shipped with more people than I do, and that's saying a lot babe."

I laughed again, softly. "It must be because I'm just so gosh darn lovable, sweetie. I mean, that or I apparently fall in love with everyone I talk to, ever, and they also fall instantly in love with me." I giggle and batted my eyes at Mark. "It must be my amazing beauty and ravishing wit."

Mark laughed too. "Hey, I know you're joking about those last two, but I think you really are gorgeous, brainy, sexy, and a whole lot more. I find you very lovable. And I think I was more than half in love with you before I ever met you in person."

I grinned at him. "Well, I was too, to be fair.." I grabbed one of the throw pillows from next to me on the couch and hugged it. "I miss you so much already Mark."

Mark's smile got a little sad. "Me too, baby. Me too. But, you have this all planned out, so we won't be missing each other for long. And we're both busy people. so even if we lived closer together, unless we both lived in the same place, I doubt we could see each other any more than we are now."

I nodded, feeling sad. "Still, I wanted you to know what I was feeling. I want to share everything with you, Mark, the good and the bad. And right now is some of the bad. Even if it's not too bad, and it won't be bad for long, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt right now though." I yawned hugely and looked at the time. "Baby, are you getting sleepy? I know your body is still on Irish time, so it's getting late. If you need to sleep, I can sign off and let you go."

Mark shook his head, looking stubborn. "Nope. We can talk until one, or both, of us falls asleep in front of their computers. Besides, you're the one who yawned, not me."

I nodded. "Alright. I guess we can sleep together that way when we're apart. Hey, are we bugging the people around you on the flight? I never thought to ask."

Mark smiled at me. "There isn't anyone else around me. There's hardly anyone on this flight, especially since it's a non-stop from England to California. I have the whole row to myself, practically. Now, why don't you lay back on the couch and curl up under the blanket you've got there with a few of your pillows and listen to me tell you all about my friends you haven't met yet and Chica. Actually, maybe just Chica. I can talk about her for hours and never get tired of her. She's great."

I smiled at his enthusiasm and did as he suggested, getting comfortable. Mark talked about how cute Chica was, how well behaved, except for her occasional issues with chewing things up she shouldn't or pooping on the floor, how soft her fur is, and how much he's been missing her. I smiled softly and listened, slowly drifting off to sleep, as I had so many times in the past, listening to the sounds of Mark's sexy and soft voice. I don't know when sleep fully overtook me, all I know is I woke up to a loud knock on the door the next morning, feeling much more rested and content than I had been expecting. I stretched, yawned, and slowly made my way over to the door, opening it to reveal Signe, standing in her pajamas, with laptop in hand. I raised an eyebrow at her. "What are you doing here, Signe? And why are you here so early? I'm not even awake yet."

Signe smiled at me. "You managed to sleep last night? Jack and I were sure you would have been up all night, stressing about Mark being gone, freaking out slightly. What changed after you got home?"

I blushed. "I talked to Mark. We talked until I fell asleep, which I think was his plan. He was talking about Chica, but he made me lie down on the couch, under my blanket, and get comfy before he started talking about her. I fell asleep to the sound of his voice. And we talked long enough before that, that the panic and anxiety were almost all gone anyway. I'm still sad he's gone, but it's not bad at all. He cheered me up a lot."

"Good. Now, today is going to be a lazy day. We're just going to hang out together all day, in our pajamas, if you want, and play games, relax, and have some girl talk. I'm dying of curiosity to catch up with you, especially about Mark. Plus, I just want to have a fun day with you all to myself. I already told Jack, and he approves. He said he might try to crash our party sometime this evening, especially if we have pizza and goodies, like usual, but he's mostly just going to let the two of us catch up and chill together in peace. Sound like a plan?"

I smiled. "Sure. You really don't have to worry about me though. I'm sad, but not that sad. Besides, I know you have art and stuff to do, so if you need to spend some time on other things, I really won't mind. I'm not that selfish."

Signe laughed. "Sweetie, you are the least selfish person I know. And that's saying something considering who I know. Most of Jack's YouTube friends are pretty giving, and so is he. But you, you take it to a whole other level. You give so much time, honesty, and care to your community it's no wonder it's exploded and keeps killing the Internet. I don't think I've heard you say bad things about people, even when they are making nasty or mean comments about you. Even when you told us about your past and all the people who abused you in various ways, you never bad mouthed them. You never call them monsters or any of the other names that you would have been more than justified in using. And yes, you can get a little tough with your viewers when you feel like you think they are getting a little nosy, but you still handled that with class, merely warning them of the consequences of their actions and how you would handle things if your privacy was violated too much. Actually, even that was sticking up for your friends, who you felt like were being harassed unfairly in public because people wanted more from you than you were willing to give."

I smiled a little, blushing and ducking my head. "Thank Signe. I try really hard. Not that I'm always successful, but I really try to stay positive and not dwell on the bad things, which is why I haven't talked to Jeanna since the whole PAX East incident, when I told her who I was online. I know she's jealous, and I do understand that feeling, but I just can't handle her drama right now. And I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, when it comes to name calling. Not that I won't call someone a name if it's justified, but I don't usually resort to that type of behavior. I try to stay cool, calm and collected. Holding on to anger doesn't usually help. I can hold a grudge though, if you do enough to me. Usually though, I get mad and get over it, sometimes taking swift and painful revenge if need be to help me get past it. And I'm always going to stand up for other people more than myself. Partly, it's because of my issues with self-esteem and confidence, but mainly because I've been abused and know the feelings of not being able to stand up for yourself to someone else, for whatever reason. I just want to make sure everyone is considered and feels like they have a safe place to be themselves around me and voice opinions, even if I think they are wrong about some things." I sighed. "I might try to convince them they are wrong, and back my position up with all the facts I can gather, but I'm not going to tear someone down just for believing something I don't, as long as they are polite about their disagreement and don't infringe on anyone else's right to believe something different."

Signe smiled. "That's part of why I like you. And that's smarter than most of what people say online. You and your channel are all about positivity and hope. You promote good feelings and peaceful conflict resolution whenever and wherever you are, online or not, but you don't back down from bullies in a crowd either. Like the shippers when they got out of hand at the panels. You nipped it in the bud, then showed them they were wrong, instead of just telling them. I can't thank you enough for that, by the way. The fans have been really nice to me lately about dating Jack, and a lot of the same ones who used to be so rude and mean online have either apologized or disappeared since your panel where you brought Jack and I out on stage together and you were so loving with Mark. And the shippers still pair us together, but they aren't very aggressive about it, like they have been in the past about Jack and Mark."

I grinned. "Yeah, well, the fact that Mark and I aren't slowing down with the collab videos, and letting all the gooey relationship goodness and fluff into a lot of the videos isn't hurting that fact either. We aren't being fake about it, as I'm sure you and Jack are aware, but we aren't editing it all out either. And we still all make the same dumb jokes that we've always made, or well, I guess Jack, Mark, Wade, Felix, and Bob do. I haven't been doing this long enough to say I have always made these same comments online. But it's clear I'm not trying to change anyone, which helps put people more at ease. But really, why would I? I fell for Mark the way he is, not some other version of him that he could potentially be if I forced him to change. I'm friends with everyone else because I like them the way they are." I chuckled a little, softly. "And the latest fan arts I've seen have me as Jack's 'little sister', even though I'm taller than he is. I'm not sure why they think that, but I'm fine with it. I've also seen a bunch of fan fics written with him in that role for me. I can't really say it upsets me, but I'd want to make sure that he was okay with it before I told my fans what I thought and let them loose on that idea too much."

Signe burst out laughing. "Oh. My. GOD!! That's too funny. I actually think Jack does view you as kind of a sister figure, just one who is close in age to him. I think that's what bugs him when Mark and Felix make the occasional remark about you that's slightly off color, even if you do seem okay with it, or when Mark talks about sex and mentions you. Jack always looks like he's going to blush himself to death or get violently ill when that happens, and the only other time I've seen him look that pained or embarrassed is when one of his sisters' boyfriends or husband made comments about those things in the past. Or commented about their bodies."

I snorted out a laugh, remembering the call to Felix when I was too close to the camera. "Holy shit, I think you're right. When Mark first got here, the first day we collabed with Jack, we called Felix and he joined us. Well, Mark turned the camera on when I was too close to it and Fe got an eye full of my chest. He made a comment, noting Marzia was going to be pissed because she knew he likes my boobs. I had no problem with any of that, even when Mark then proceeded to grope me, over my shirt, pinning my arms to my sides because he was sitting behind me. Jack groaned and acted so pained, and for the life of me, I hadn't been able to figure out his reaction until now. That's pretty funny, in that light, adorable, and one of the sweetest things I have ever heard."

Signe grinned and laughed along with me. "Yeah, poor Sean. He's so sweet sometimes, but doesn't always express it clearly."

We both were grinning and chuckling now, as we settled more comfortably on the couch, getting ourselves adjusted for a long day of gaming and girl talk. I relaxed more than I had since Mark left, and I think Signe relaxed more as well, seeing me be calm. I looked at the clock, curious to see what time it actually was and blinked. How had I managed to sleep from whenever I fell asleep yesterday until eleven am? I never slept late unless I was sick or had stayed up all night the previous day. Even when I had these occasional bouts of sadness. Signe must have caught something in my disbelieving stare, because she giggled again. I looked back over at her and wiped a hand down my face, trying to come up with a coherent though. "Signe, I had no idea I slept so much. No wonder you looked surprised that I was still out of it. Jeez, I can't believe I slept at all, let alone that long." I shook my head.

Signe smiled and shook her head as well. "Sweetie, Jack and I were worried that you stayed awake all night, stressed and panicked that Mark was gone. I'm glad to hear you slept. But why are you so surprised now? I mean, I've been here a good ten minutes already."

I blushed. "Sorry, I was still waking up when you came in. I just finally shook the mental fog enough to read the time on the clock. I thought it must be around eight or nine, not after eleven. Ugh, why?" I rolled my eyes and looked at the ceiling. Signe raised an eyebrow at me. I looked down and blushed. "When I get sad, I sleep more, but this is more even than that. When I'm really sad, but not depressed, I sleep like ten, or eleven hours. I was talking to Mark as he flew home last night, but I think I managed to fall asleep before ten. I'm pretty sure I hadn't even been home an hour before I crapped out."

Signe nodded, going quiet. "What about when you are depressed?"

My blush brightened. "I don't sleep at all. My insomnia gets so bad I have to be medicated to sleep. Which, since I won't take sleeping pills ever again, basically I have to rely solely on antidepressants to get me out of the funk so I can sleep again." I looked down at my hands and fidgeted nervously, getting ever quieter. "It's only been really bad once since... ...well, you know. A doctor offered sleeping pills, but I freaked out, and couldn't tell him why. I ended up in the hospital after a week of no sleep. I was hallucinating by that point and had to be sedated in the hospital. I ended up sleeping five days straight, without waking up at all. The doctors thought I might be in a coma or dying, then I just woke up, confused, slightly depressed still, but back to normal. No one could ever figure out what happened or why I reacted to the sedative they gave me that way, although one of the doctors mentioned they had kept me under light sedation for most of that time, due to my blood pressure and heart rate being so bad. But it wasn't enough to cause the shutdown I experienced, or even enough to keep a child asleep." I twisted my hands, mentally reliving that moment when I woke up, confused, surrounded by family and friends crying over me. I shivered.

Signe swallowed. "Well, that sucks. But it's good for Jack and me to know, so we can help keep an eye on you. Your sleep schedule is wonky enough. Now, let's talk about something happier." She grinned at me.   
"You owe me some details about you and Mark, [Y/N], and I'm not going to forget. So do you want to talk about him, or should we get to that later? We could just play some games for the moment and gossip while we bake some treats this afternoon."

I smiled. "Thanks Signe, but I don't mind talking about Mark. Besides, other than to record, I haven't really played games since PAX East, at least not just for fun. Don't get me wrong, it's a ton of fun to play on camera, but at the same time, I can't just lose myself the way I can when the camera is off. I have to remember to do things like talk and not just zone out. I can wait until later for that, especially if we want to play something for a good long stretch." I shifted positions so I was facing her now, instead of sitting facing forward and turning my head to see her. After a few seconds of getting adjusted, I looked up and saw her smiling at me. "So, Mark gossip?"

She giggled. "Ooh yes. I want details. You two were so quiet over here, but we did hear the occasional groan or moan from Mark. So, details. Spill your guts, sweetie! I want to know it all."

I giggled and blushed. "We were trying to be quiet. Actually, I'm not really a screamer anyway. I just tend to go breathless and my voice breaks. But Mark can get a little noisy. Well, he was at PAX anyway." My blush deepened. "I managed to keep him quiet here, but there may have been a gag involved at some points."

Signe laughed. "Ooh, kinky. You naughty girl! I had no idea." I blushed brighter and laughed with her. "So go on, this is getting good. Don't skimp on the details. Does he use his 'sexy' voice for you?"

I smiled hugely. "Well, of course. But he's always sexy. That voice though, it just makes me melt and my brain stop." I sighed happily. "I could listen to Mark talk all day every day and never get tired of his voice. You know his accidental admission to us at PAX, when he called my voice sexy? I think both of us feel the same way about the other's voice." I giggled again. "But Mark is just amazing. I mean, he's so smart, funny, and kind. And he's so gorgeous, he always just makes me feel overwhelmed in all the right ways."

Signe nodded. "I hear you. I feel the same way about Jack. And Jack just makes my toes curl."

"Oh yeah. How can a guy both melt you and make you feel like you're floating away on a cloud at the same time? I swear that's how I feel around Mark. And he just makes my knees weak sometimes with a look. I just love him, so completely, it scares me a little." I looked down, feeling a bit shy to be sharing this now. "Mark says he feels the same way about me, but I can't help feeling like he's doing me a favor or something by dating me." I smiled a somewhat shaky smile. "Mark's friends in the US like to tease him, claiming I'm out of his league, but I know he's way out of mine." I sighed. "I'm going to be destroyed when he finally realizes that."

Signe reached over and grabbed my hand suddenly. "Oh sweetie, you and Mark aren't out of each other's leagues. You are both perfect for each other. You make him better, happier, brighter, just by being there, the same way you feel calmer, less panicked, and safe around him. He's not going to suddenly wake up, just because you aren't there and decide you aren't who he wants to be with." I looked up at her, not entirely sure I believed her. She sighed. "I promised Jack I wouldn't tell you this, but I think you need to know. Mark started asking about you before you talked to him on Skype, after Jack really got to know you and started mentioning you around his online friends. Mark was actually the one who had originally suggested you go to PAX, telling Jack he could always give his extra ticket to you so you could meet people. After Jack introduced you to Mark, on that first Skype call, Mark wouldn't stop talking about you. He stayed up talking to Jack all through the night in LA, claiming he wasn't tired. And you know how he reacted to you starting a channel. I think he was already in love with you."

I blinked. "But he didn't even know me. How could he...? I mean, I'm not that special."

Signe leaned over and hugged me. "Oh, sweetie. You really are. I know people have hurt you in the past to make you believe that, but you really are that special and worth loving. All your friends, well, all your real friends, know that, see that, and love you. You've made literally millions of people believe in you, in themselves, in other people's kindness by showing them yourself. You do more good than most people could ever imagine. If that's not special, I don't know what is. And Mark sees it too."

I looked down, doubts still playing across my mind. "How can you sound so sure? I feel like I'm standing on a ledge, just trying not to fall off the edge of the world, expecting a push."

Signe looked sad. "[Y/N], if Mark is that push, it's going to be so you can open your wings and fly with him, not fall and be destroyed. I know you don't believe me, but all of us can see how much you both love each other. That's not going to go away, just because you aren't in the same room as each other, or the same town, or even the same country. I doubt it would go away if you were somehow on different planets. Who said you were out of Mark's league anyway? Anyone I might know?"

"I'm not sure. Do you know Matt and Ryan? Or Tyler? Those were the ones I heard say it, but Mark said his other friends were teasing him about it too." I bit my lip. "I don't want him to feel pressured, or upset by what his friends say for being with me. That could happen, right? I mean, I'm not just imagining it, am I?"

Signe looked at me, concern and worry on her face. "Sweetie, I just don't know. Mark really, really loves you. I doubt his friends teasing him is going to be something that even makes him think of breaking up with you, unless he thinks it bothers you. Even then, he's more likely to shut that friend out than let you slip away. I've never seen him this dedicated to anything or anyone, except his dog and YouTube." She smiled at me. "And I think you've managed to beat both of those out as well, if him dropping his whole life to follow you home is any indication. That man is so in love, he can barely function." I looked down again, unable to meet her gaze now. My fingers began twisting together again, showing my nerves and anxiety. Signe reached over and hugged me again. "Please, [Y/N], calm down. I'm not lying, I promise. Now, why all these sudden doubts? What changed since Mark left yesterday, or even since you both talked on the phone last night? Or is it just that you're afraid he's going to settle back in his normal routine and forget all about you, despite you knowing how attached he really is?"

I blushed. "It's just..." I took a breath, trying not to spiral into the panic attack I felt building. I tried again. "I'm sorry. I just feel like Mark's going to get busy living his normal life in LA and I'll just be the friend he calls when he wants to film a video with after a while. And I know, before you say anything, it's not reasonable or rational, but my panic and anxiety don't care." I swallowed down tears that were suddenly threatening and took another shaky breath, but it was too late, the panic had started to swamp me. I felt my lungs catch oddly and my breathing hitch as I lost the last of my control and my brain spun out. Of course Mark would forget about me. I wasn't worth remembering. I wasn't worth him wasting his time with. Who exactly was I trying to fool here? My panic took on voices from my past, adding depth to the texture of my secret fears. I curled up in a ball and started sobbing, unable to move, or breathe, or even see and react to anything but my fears. I didn't see Signe try to shake me out of my panic, or run out of my apartment and drag Jack back over, and I didn't hear him yell, practically in my ear, I was too far gone in the mental torture of my fear and my past, now freely mingling. What finally brought me back was the sound of Mark's voice, breaking through my spiral, calling me back, loudly at first, then softening as I started to respond until he saw I was back to myself. Mark was on the computer screen of Jack's laptop. I shuddered and drew in a few deep breaths trying to calm the last of my nerves.

Mark looked very worried. "Babe? What happened? Jack just called me and said you needed me, you were having a serious panic attack and not even his yelling in your ear could bring you around. First though, are you okay?"

I wiped my face with my sleeve, trying to rid my face of the last of the tears. My voice, when I tried to speak, was a broken whisper. "I'm sorry. You must hate me. You had to be pulled awake to me being a sobbing mess. Oh god, I'm such a screw up."

"Hey! You are not a screw up. Babe, I'm just worried about you. You fell asleep really fast last night on the phone with me, then you had this major panic attack today. Are you sure you're alright? Maybe you should get checked by a doctor." Mark sounded sad and worried, making my heart squeeze. I dropped my gaze and uncurled a little. Signe came back over and gently took the laptop from Jack to talk to Mark for a minute.  
"Mark, thank you for pulling her out of that attack. She was so panicked she totally tuned out the rest of the world. That was the worst attack I've ever seen her have." I shuddered, catching Signe's eye. She sighed. "Hang on a minute Mark. I want to talk to you in private. Jack, can you help [Y/N] calm the rest of the way down? Maybe give her a hug too. I think she needs one. I'll be right back, I just want to take this in the hall for a minute to talk to Mark, then I swear we will both be right back." Jack nodded and came over to me, sitting down next to me and hugging me.

I closed my eyes and uncurled the rest of the way, hugging him back fiercely. "Thank you, Jack, for helping me and for being so nice to me. I don't know what's wrong with me today. I'm just all out of sorts."  
Jack smiled as he felt me relax into the hug. "Hey, there ye are. Ye scared tha shit outta Signe. Me too, ta be honest. Ye didn't even flinch when I got right in yer ear and shouted."  
I blushed. "You did? I didn't hear you. I couldn't hear or see anything. I was too far into my panic. Was it you who thought to call Mark?" Jack nodded. "Thank you. His voice cut through the fear. God, that was one of the worst attacks I've had since college."

Jack was still sitting next to me, after he had let me go from the hug, and gently reached over and squeezed my arm, a very brotherly gesture, reminding me of what Signe and I had discussed earlier. It brought a small smile to my face for a minute. Jack immediately noticed. "Lass, I'm happy ta see ye looking less grim. What brought on that smile? Even a tiny one is better than seeing ye panic like ye were a few minutes ago."  
I blushed again. "Well, Signe and I have a theory." Jack raised an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. "Well, actually it was more of an observation. We both have noticed you treat me kind of like a sister."  
Jack blushed bright red. "Oh." He looked at the floor. "I sorry if it makes ye uncomfortable, lass. I never even realized I was doing that."

My smile came back a little bigger. I reached over and hugged Jack. "I actually appreciate it. Signe just kind of pointed it out to me, and we both thought it was sweet. And I certainly don't mind. To be honest, I miss having my family close sometimes. You make a good brother."

Jack grinned brightly at me now. "Good. I can't help it. Ye seem like a sister ta me. And ye're so close with Signe, closer than my family is, but ye treat me like my siblings do, mostly, teasing me and just acting tha way ye do. I didn't even notice I was treating ye that way."

I chuckled softly. "Yeah, well, I do have two brothers, so the teasing and friendly banter just kind of slipped out after I got to know you, especially with all the stories I was hearing from Signe. And like I said, I like it. And I think the fans, well, the ones from my channel anyway, have noticed. I've been getting a bunch of fan art with you as my 'big' brother, not to mention dozens of fan fictions with the same theme. I think it's pretty cool, but I didn't want to mention it on the channel or post anything on my social media until I at least mentioned it to you and made sure you were okay with it. I don't want to have you get uncomfortable based on something I encouraged the fanbase to do."

Jack laughed. "Nah, I'm good with that. Ye can go right ahead and let them keep doing that. Actually, I've seen some of that on my social media too. Ye have no idea how much better it is ta see that than some of the stuff they've sent me in tha past."

I giggled. "Yeah, I can imagine. And I may have seen some of the fan fictions about you and some other YouTubers before I met you. I'm sure it's tough being a 'big' brother to me as well." I giggled some more as Jack's grin got bigger again. I gently punched his shoulder. "Actually, you kind of have been like a big brother to me, at least as far as YouTube stuff. You have helped me so much with my channel, getting started and helping me keep my head above water when everything was sweeping my feet out from under me. And all the advice, helping me navigate all the social media, and guiding me with PAX stuff... I really do appreciate all of it, Jack. You and Signe have been amazing."

Jack just reached over and squeezed my arm again. "Hey, ye don't need ta worry. We like helping ye and ye help us with loads of things too. In fact, ye have helped my channel grow a lot, just from collaborating with me and mentioning my channel so much. Ye have worked insanely hard ta get everything going. Ye put in tha work, and now ye are helping more people, faster than I have ever heard of."  
I blushed and looked down, but was spared from answering by Signe coming back in the room with Jack's computer, Mark still on the screen. He immediately called my name as soon as he saw me. "[Y/N], babe, is what Signe said right? Was that panic attack because you were scared of me deciding to dump you for some reason?"

I looked at him, fighting back emotions again. I nodded a small, tight nod. "Yeah. I'm sorry. I slept way too long last night, and my emotions are just all over the place today. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I slept from when I fell asleep talking to you until after eleven this morning. I never sleep like that." I started pulling on my fingers again. Jack reached over and rested a hand on my leg. "Sorry. Signe and I were talking about you, Mark, and some of my deeper fears just swamped my brain completely. I can't help feeling that your friends, the ones who keep saying I'm out of your league, have it backwards and one day soon you are just going to wake up and realize it, dropping me as anything but a person you occasionally call up to work with on videos every now and then. It kind of makes me feel broken inside, and the voices from the past just amplify the doubts and latch on making me feel completely worthless." I didn't notice the tears slowly sliding down my face as I talked until Jack reached over, handing me a tissue. I blinked and grabbed it from him, wiping my face and blotting the tears.

Mark looked sad. "Babe. That's not going to happen. I'm sorry you even feel like it could. Honestly, I'm afraid my friends, who are idiots for saying that by the way, are right though. You'll just realize you don't need me anymore or you will just look around and decide you've outgrown me or something. I think the two of us are just going to have to trust that the other person is being genuine when they say they need the other and maybe someday we will both relax enough to conquer these fears."

My eyes widened when Mark admitted he had similar fears, swallowing emotions again, my heart clenching in my chest for a few minutes. "Mark... I..." My voice was a broken whisper again. I closed my eyes and tried to gather myself, laying my heart and soul bare for him, allowing him to take comfort in whatever he found there. "Mark, I could never willingly let you go. I mean, I could if you decided you needed to go, I think, but it would break me in so many ways. You have been such a part of my life, even before we actually talked, and I couldn't just cut you off any more than I could cut off an arm or leg. Actually, I think I could cut one of them off easier than I could drop you. It would feel like losing the biggest part of my soul." I swallowed again. "I have a confession."

Mark looked at me, emotions on his face, almost matching the ones rolling through me. "Babe, you can tell me anything. I'm not going to judge you. I promise."  
I blushed furiously. "Thank you." I took a deep breath. "You have been my secret, celebrity, never-tell-anyone crush since I first stumbled on your channel, right after my suicide attempt. I may have even written a fan fiction or two about you..."

Mark's face was a picture of surprise, amusement, and shock. "You... You wrote about me?" I nodded. He grinned, shyly. "Could I maybe read it sometime?"

My blush brightened. I heard Jack chuckle. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind reading that either, lass. Wait. It's not a Septiplier is it?"

I laughed at his expression. "No. Actually, it's a few short stories about a bunch of you, but there is no romance between anyone not in a real relationship in any of them. And they aren't that good."

Signe giggled. "You know we're not going to let this go until we read them now, right?"

I rolled my eyes, my blush starting to come back down. I mock sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, putting on a fake pained expression. "Please, I have many talents, but I seriously don't think writing is one of them. Neither is singing, which is why I don't do that on my channel either, despite all the requests for it and my friends bugging me to record myself singing."

Jack raised an eyebrow at me. "Yeah, ye mentioned a friend was trying ta get ye ta record music before ye started yer channel."

I sighed and I nodded. "Yeah, well, Alex can be pushy. I know you guys might not have noticed that, but she can be. And she's my biggest cheerleader, or she was for a long time. Lately, you guys have been. But she also got me through a lot of things. She wants me to record music more than anything else I already do." I fidgeted, hoping they would let it drop.

Jack smiled at me. "Ye know we won't judge ye harshly lass, if ye wanted our opinions. Hell, I would even sing with ye, for real, not the usual goofing around crap I do, if ye want."  
I grinned. "I might hold you to that Jack. Actually, I used to sing in a choir, before... ...before college."

Mark grinned now. "Oh, you were a choir girl? I was a band geek."

I chuckled. "I know. Trumpet, right?" Mark grinned again and nodded. I smirked. "I remember the videos where you talked about it. Particularly the epic fail of your senior year marching band solos. It always made me feel so sympathetic. I screwed up a solo in a choir competition for all-state. My voice cracked in the middle of the song." I shivered. "It sucked. But I still managed to make the cut for the state choir that year." I smiled at Mark. "And I play an instrument too. Well, technically a few, but I haven't touched one since high school."

Mark raised an eyebrow. "Okay, now you have to share. What instruments do you play? For some reason, I'm picturing the tuba and banjo."

I burst out laughing. "Oh my god. No. No. Definitely not. I have asthma. No woodwinds or brass for me. I'd die. And why the banjo? No, I play bass guitar and the xylophone. Actually, I can play either bass or regular guitar, but I prefer bass, and when I jam out with friends or family, that's always where I end up." I grinned again. "I played the xylophone in the concert band. So, technically, I was a band geek too, just not in marching band. Xylophone isn't exactly a portable instrument, unless it's a kiddie toy version. Oh, I guess I should mention I can play the harpsichord too, well, the dulcimer anyway, which is a type of harpsichord. My great-grandmother taught me. She passed her dulcimer on to me after she died. It's still at my mother's house though, for safe keeping. It would kill me if something happened to that instrument. It's a family heirloom, irreplaceable."

Mark blinked at me in surprise. "You were in band too? And you play three very different types of instruments. Wow. That's impressive."

I saw Jack nod out of the corner of my eye and I turned to look at him. He was smiling at me, encouragingly. "Ye should show off yer musical ability on yer channel, even if ye don't want ta sing. Ye could play some sick bass. And ye should tell Danny what ye play. I bet ye will get invited ta jam with him and Brian when yer in LA, if ye want. They are a load of fun ta hang out with and ye could just chill, ye wouldn't have ta record with them."

Mark laughed. "Jack! Stop trying to steal my time with her for other things! Dan and Arin already want her as a guest Grump. Now you're going to make Dan steal her for more time? Not cool man."  
I laughed. "Just for that comment Mark, maybe I will message him. Hell, I could even send him some of my music so he could hear me play first. Actually, I'd love to have a chill jam session with friends. I haven't done that since before Alex moved to Seattle, over a year and a half ago. She played the keyboard for us. Actually, we used to have a small band. Alex on keyboard and backup vocals, me on bass, George on sax, Carmen on drums, and my other friend, Gabby, who couldn't make it to PAX this time, on lead guitar and vocals. I filled in for her when she was sick or away when we got together to jam. Then everyone started moving away, and it got harder and harder to perform together." I sighed. "I miss that. More than I think I realized until just now."

Jack grinned at me. "Ye hide a lot more talents then ye let on, lass. It's hard ta learn one instrument well, and ye play three or four? Wow."

I blushed. "Um, actually, I play six. I had years of piano lessons, and have even taught piano lessons when money was too tight, and played drums in school and college until I decided I liked bass better because it was easier to carry around. We had a lot of drum people in concert band, though, so I agreed to switch to xylophone, mainly because I had always thought it was kind of cool sounding. Oh, and I can play a synthesizer and theremin. The theremin was accidental. I already played dulcimer and synth and it's really not that much different than combining the two. So, technically, I guess that's eight?"  
Mark laughed. "Yeah, if you don't tell Dan and he finds out, he's going to kill me. You can bond with him over all those instruments and geek out about the music with us. I'm trying to learn guitar, so maybe you can help me, too."

I smiled at Mark, through the screen. "Of course, sweetheart. But I'm not that great on guitar, really. I'll look Gabby up online later and talk to her. She's actually a music teacher in a school in California anyway, so maybe she can give me some tips to pass along. And I think she's going to want to meet you." I looked up and grinned at Jack and Signe. "And the two of you. Any of my new friends, really. But don't worry, she's cool. She won't fan girl too badly. At least not over any of you..."

Jack laughed. "I take it she might over someone else? Who might that be, lass?"

I grinned. "Um, well..." I rubbed the back of my neck, blushing slightly. "Probably the Grumps, especially Danny, Arin, and Brian, since she's a huge fan of StarBomb. And maybe me. She's sent me a bunch of fan art, not knowing it was actually me she was posting the messages to." I looked down, feeling embarrassed. "Do you guys ever feel embarrassed or shy about seeing someone you know or knew posting something about you? Or is it just me, because I have been hiding my face?"

Jack chuckled. "Ye aren't alone in that lass. I've never personally had that, but then again, I never tried ta hide who I was from tha world. Cry has mentioned it more than a few times though, when I've talked with him and from what Felix has passed on ta me in conversations they had."

Mark nodded. "Yeah. I think anyone who doesn't use a face cam or hides their name online has that. I know several other YouTubers have mentioned it when we set up collab projects or worked together. Even Dan and Arin have mentioned it a few times, when people stumble on the channel and don't recognize their voices right away. But hey, if it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to go to your friend and tell her who you are, just so she can help me learn guitar better."

I giggled softly. "Mark, sweetie, that's not the only reason I wanted to look her up again. I haven't talked to her in ages. I want to catch up with her and see how things are going, what's new, and just reconnect. I miss her. Besides, she would kill me if I didn't tell her eventually who I am online." I sighed. "I just need to bite the bullet and call her already. She sent me an email yesterday anyway, asking about me, but I was so wrapped up in everything..."

Mark made a face. "Hey babe, we got this. We have a plan, remember? No backing out now. It's just a couple of weeks until you'll be out here with me."  
I smiled crookedly. "I know, Mark. But like I said earlier, my emotions are kind of out of whack today. I miss you. A lot. More than I ever expected I would, if I'm completely honest."  
Mark smiled a little sadly. "I know. Me too. This is going to be really hard. But we can do it. I have faith in us. Now, are you feeling enough better that I can go, or do you need me to help calm you down a little more? I have a few things to do today, but you come first, always, [Y/N]."

My smile for him was genuine and wistful now. "Go. I'm okay, just a little emotional. And Signe has plans for us spending the whole day together, so it's not like I'll be by myself, wallowing in misery." I looked down for a minute, then back up at Mark, trying to convey my love for him through my eyes. "Thank you for helping me calm down. I'm sorry my anxiety overwhelmed me so bad. I should have realized I might struggle more today. The therapist even warned me when you left I might need to take some of the medications to help, but I just forgot until now. I love you."

Mark's smile brightened. "I love you too. Now, go take one of those pills and hang out with Signe. But please, baby, if you start to feel bad again, call me first, okay? I'm not doing anything today so important that I can't answer your calls. I promise." I nodded. Mark waved. "Bye." I waved as well as we disconnected the call. I sat back on the couch and looked at Signe and Jack.

I looked down at my lap again after a few seconds. "Sorry I'm such a wreck today. Jack, I know you have videos to work on. You can go back home now too. I really am going to take one of my pills and just hang out with Signe all day."

Jack nodded and gently gripped my knee, squeezing it in a reassuring way before he stood up and took his laptop with him, pausing at the door. "Ye both know where I am if ye need me. Don't forget, ye are more important than my videos too, lass. I'll come back later ta see how ye both are doing, okay? Bye [Y/N]. Bye Signe." With that, he stepped back out the front door and over to his apartment.

I sighed. Signe looked at me. "He's serious you know. And your fans and his would kick his ass if they thought he was abandoning you just so the videos would come out on time. Besides, I happen to know he has a few extras banked from when he recorded with you that he has tucked away for later or in case of an emergency."

I smiled. "How is it, I'm the newest one on YouTube of our group, but I'm getting everyone else back on track or ahead on the videos? I mean, Felix has commented, and Mark, of course, and now Jack too? Jeez."

Signe laughed. "Yeah, you can whip them all into shape. Actually though sweetie, part of it is because you have a good internal meter for the videos and the commentary is a lot livelier when you film with them, so they have to cut less out. I don't know if you noticed or not, but Mark needs a lot more editing when he records without you, except for some of his vlogs. Jack's usually pretty good, depending on the game, but you, you have a knack for just naturally not leaving a lot of dead air or out of place comments, which means you get more usable video for the same recording time. And as for Mark, you helped him edit a lot of the videos he recorded over here, and you are really fast and good at editing."

I blushed. "Too bad I hate doing it then. I could teach other people how to do that for a living if my channel ever dies down, if I were ever short on money and desperate enough I guess. And could get past how much I dislike doing the actual editing, over and over again." I made a wry face.

Signe smirked. "Yeah, you could. And I can name at least five people who would all fight over who got to hire you. There might even be bloodshed. Now, you might have managed to distract the guys, but I haven't forgotten about those fictions you wrote. I want to read them."

I groaned. "Oh all right. Just a minute." I rolled my eyes as I stood up and went to my desk, retrieving a small notebook and handing it over. "Be gentle. I know they are crap, but no one has ever read any of my writing since high school, and even then it wasn't my choice. My teacher read it out loud as a demonstration of a good creative piece, even though it embarrassed the hell out of me and he never said who wrote it."

I settled back in the cushions of the couch and closed my eyes, mentally gathering myself, calming down, and steeling myself for Signe's comments. After a few minutes, I realized I hadn't taken the anxiety medications yet, so I walked back down the hall and got one from the bottle, swallowing it down with a mouthful of water, then returning to the living room just as Signe finished the first story. She grinned hugely at me. "That was awesome! You wrote that really well, and you really captured our personalities. When did you write this?"

I blushed. "Um... I think it was just after one of the PAX conventions Mark and Jack had gone to, and I was following your Tumblr and Twitter. But that could have been back as far as 2015. Wait, did I mention Robin in it?" Signe shook her head. "Yeah, 2015 then. It was probably around Christmas or so, after you moved to Ireland." I fidgeted. "I swear, that sounds like I was stalking you online or something, but I wasn't. I was a fan of your art for a long time, and I didn't even know you and Jack were together for a while."

Signe grinned. "Sweetie, relax. Actually, I'm flattered by this, not creeped out. Clearly, you put a lot of thought into making sure everyone was portrayed well. And I appreciate the fact that you included me at all, especially as Jack's girlfriend in this, even though it's not really about romantic relationships. It's really fun and cute though. You should definitely let Jack and Mark read it. I think they would love it." She paused, looking thoughtful. "Although, it does kind of make it seem like you were already in love with Mark, at least a little when you wrote it. There's just something in the way you phrased things that makes it feel like that."

My blush came back again. "Well, yeah. Like I mentioned, he's been my secret celebrity crush for a long time." I looked at Signe, my mouth twisting into a wry smile. "I never thought I was going to be sharing that fact. Or my stories. Or any of this really, with anyone, let alone the people I have looked up to for so long."

Signe patted my leg. "Hey, you're amazing! You deserve to be friends with all of us and you bring a lot to my life. And since you've been sharing, you seem calmer. Do you feel up to sharing more about you and Mark? Or should we leave that for another day?"

I grinned. "I'm always willing to talk about Mark." I sighed, a happy sigh this time. "Maybe just give me a few minutes to think of what to tell you, unless you have something specific you want to know?"  
Signe giggled and waggled her eyebrows at me, suggestively. "Sex. I'm nosy and want to know all about your sex life, sweetie, now that you actually have one. I always felt a little guilty about talking to you about Jack and I before you and Mark got together, because you seemed so alone and lonely. I was afraid it would seem like I was just rubbing our happiness in your face."

I laughed. "Oh, Signe, I never took it that way. And I hear a hell of a lot more than you guys would ever guess. It's not on purpose, which is why I really do have those noise-cancelling headphones, but the walls are thin and the two of you can be..." I paused trying to decide the best way to phrase this. "...vocal."

Signe blushed and giggled. "We had no idea you could hear us until you mentioned those at PAX. If we get too loud, just pound on the wall or something to let us know."

I grinned and shook my head, then launched into a discussion of Mark's and my sex life while he had been here, not getting too detailed, but still having a fun girl talk. By one o'clock our stomachs were rumbling so we decided to go grab some food from the fridge. We watched an episode of Cutthroat Kitchen while we ate, enjoying the episode immensely. After we ate, we decided it was time for some video games so we both launched our laptops and opened Overwatch, losing ourselves completely to the game for the afternoon. Hours later, we were roused from the game by a loud pounding on my front door. It was Jack. I raised an eyebrow at him as I let him in. "What's up Jack? Is everything okay?"

Jack blushed slightly and mumbled something I couldn't quite make out. I crossed my arms and just stared him down. "Stop that lass." He sighed. "I just wanted ta check on tha two of ye, alright? I was getting worried because it was so quiet over here and I messaged Signe and she didn't respond."

Signe looked up. "What message? I never got anything, Sean. And we are fine. We've just been playing some Overwatch."

I looked at the time. "Holy shit. Uh, Signe, we've been playing since about two o'clock, right?" She nodded. I grinned abashedly. "No wonder poor Jack was worried if we've been quiet that whole time. It's after eight." 

I chuckled deeply. "Guess I wasn't the only one locked in the game zone today. I'm not sure why the message didn't come through for you though Signe. Wait. Jack, was it a text or a Skype message?"

Jack raised an eyebrow, looking curious and somewhat amused. "Skype. I knew tha two of ye were going ta be on yer computers."

I grinned broadly. "Signe, we didn't log into Skype before we started gaming, did we?" She blushed and ducked her head. We both went back to our screens and loaded Skype. I had several missed messages from Mark and she had a message from Jack from about an hour ago. I sighed. "Jack, if you want to stick around, we probably ought to get some food. Signe, do you want to order some pizza? I'll go make some goodies as soon as I message Mark back. He's been sending me messages all day, checking on me and I feel guilty about forgetting to log on and I haven't seen them until now." I blushed a little and looked up at Jack. "Did he send you to come check on me? After this morning?"

Jack smiled and sat down next to Signe, nodding as he did. "Yeah, but we were both starting ta worry about tha strange silence from tha two of ye. I didn't expect ta see ye online or anything, but there wasn't any noise from over here and neither of ye had answered messages from us. Mark had called me when ye failed ta answer his last message about an hour ago and we have been talking for a while. He only hung up when I agreed ta come check on ye both. Logically, we knew ye were with Signe, but I was half afraid ye had been panicking all day and she might have had ta take ye ta get medical help and forgot ta tell me or something."

I blew out an exasperated sigh. "Nope. We just lost track of time and everything because we were locked into the game." I rolled my eyes and gave a half-smile. "Good thing it wasn't the Sims. I have stories about that series. So do my mom and brothers about me." I blushed brightly. "Ignore them if they tell you about a game session that lasted a week and a half. It's crap. It was only eight days, and I did sleep, even if it was just when I fell asleep on my keyboard, and I even remembered to change clothes, shower a few times, eat and drink. That was the worst time I ever got sucked down into the gaming hole. Scared my friends half to death." I shook my head, my blush not getting any better when I saw their expressions. "It was over Christmas break the summer after my suicide attempt, while I was visiting my mom's house, and I was hiding from other people, trying to stay calm."

Jack grinned. "Well, ye did warn us ye were a gamer. I've never lost time quite that bad, but I have friends who got sucked inta WOW like that."

Signe grinned at me. "I can see that happening to you. Did you really zone out that bad?"

I nodded, still a little embarrassed. "Yeah, it was pretty bad. I only stopped to eat, change clothes and shower, take quick bathroom breaks, and when I fell asleep at the computer, like I said. And I dreamed about the game when I did sleep. Mom finally had to shake me out of the dazed state I was in and take my computer away and make me sleep properly. She wouldn't give my computer back for a few days, until I told her I had college stuff I had to take care of, including checking my book list over and some readings to do before classes started up. I was good though and didn't even open a game the rest of the time I was home. Since then, the longest gaming session I've had was three days, with other people, during a long weekend LAN party, but we kept an eye on each other."

Jack shook his head. "That's hardcore gaming, lass." I grinned and nodded. "Next thing ye know, ye'll be telling us ye were inta Dungeons and Dragons."

I laughed. "Well, duh! I mean, I thought I already mentioned that. I have all the D and D books, and am a Dungeon Master online, for a whole bunch of people. But that's a little more of a secret and I never get that lost in D and D. Just an afternoon or so, not days on end. And oddly enough, I enjoy the odd dungeon crawler video game, but they never drag me into losing myself the way the Sims or competitive games do. I'm not sure why the Sims sucks me in so much. Hell, probably ninety percent of my time in those games is spent building the perfect house, making the characters, and either coding mods or creating custom content. Sims 2 was my favorite version of the series to design for, but I've done it for all generations so far. Sims 4 is the most open to modding, but it has some weird quirks when you create the mods that make it a pain in the ass, and anytime a patch comes out, it screws everything up. Not that most of my mods are cheats, exactly. Actually, they let me expand my game, so I can have more characters per household, or change the functionality of certain objects. Occasionally I mod something to change how something sits too, so I can reposition things more freely than even the moveObjects on command allows."

Signe grinned at me. "You tell us that like we're just going to automatically know what all that means." I blushed. She grinned bigger. "I mean, I do, at least with the Sims. And you did tell us you were a gamer girl and geek, but, well, I guess we just never realized exactly how hardcore a geek you really are. We've seen a few glimpses in the past though, like at the science museum, or when you start going on a verbal tangent, usually about video games."

I laughed. "Yeah, well, my geekdom knows no bounds. I have a lot of subjects I geek out about. I try to keep in mind the fact that other people don't share my obsessions though, so unless I know other people are into the same topic, I typically try to go easy on them and not assume they could talk about it endlessly, like I can."

Jack grinned at me. "Actually, ye amuse us most of tha time when ye get started. Ye get so inta whatever yer talking about, it surprises other people, especially since ye are quiet so much of tha time. And Signe and I really enjoyed watching ye at tha Science Museum in Dublin. Ye looked so enrapt by everything, like a giant kid let loose in a candy shop."

I giggled softly, my eyes glowing with amusement and happy memories. "That was amazing. God, when I'm at my mother's, I always make sure I go to the national aquarium, the national zoo, the Smithsonian, and the Library of Congress whenever I can. I love going to museums, especially with other people who are into the same kinds of things. And going with Mark and you guys, it was incredible. I just wish they had a space exhibit. Although, you might have had to abandon me there. I have spent more than one entire day in that section of the Smithsonian in Washington DC. And at space observatories and planetariums. I want to go to NASA and tour someday."

Jack laughed. "Have ye told Mark that? Somehow, I suspect he'd take ye without a second thought." He shook his head. "Ye know Mark and I are huge space fans too, right?"

I nodded, smiling. "Yeah. You both have talked about it on your channels and I do watch most of your videos, even now that I'm busier making my own content. Usually I only skip the horror gameplays, which I've always skipped, or the collabs I film with you. I mean, I know what's going to be in those, since I was there, so I just feel like I don't have the spare time to watch them too. And as for horror, I just don't care for those games, usually. There are a few exceptions, but generally, they aren't my cup of tea."

Jack grinned. "Ye’re American. What do ye know of tea?"

I started laughing so hard I doubled over. When I finally got under control, I settled back down and answered Jack with a grin and exaggerated accent. "Well, laddie, I can make a right cracking cuppa. Do ye doubt me? I've been drinking tea since I was a wee little lass of three or so. And since I don't drink coffee, ye should see tha sheer amount of tea I drink."

Jack snorted and rolled his eyes. "I'll believe it when I see it. Ye probably don't even know what a real cuppa is..."

I smirked. "Follow me laddybuck. Signe, you want a cup?" She grinned and followed me in the kitchen as well. I grabbed my tea kettle, filling it with water, and set it on the stove to heat. I grabbed a few mugs from the cupboard without looking and started pulling boxes of tea out, setting them on the counter, adding my loose tea tins and a few tea strainers, and finally pulled out my tea chest. Then I grabbed the milk and some sugar and Splenda setting them on the counter. I turned to Jack with a grin. "You want a cup too, Jack? What kind?"

Jack's eyes were wide with surprise. He swallowed a few times. "Uh, I guess ye do know a thing or two about tea, based on this display. What do ye recommend for a standard cuppa?"

I grabbed the Irish Breakfast tea with a smile. "Well, this makes a good strong cuppa for waking up in the morning. Standard black pekoe is better for a late night version, but green or white tea will also work if you want something a little different. And herbal tea works too, if you don't want any caffeine at all." I plopped an Irish Breakfast tea bag in my cup, adding a spoonful of Splenda and about a quarter of a cup of milk. I raised my eyebrow at Jack again. "So, what do you want, Jack?"

Jack sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, ye can make me whatever ye want. And I'm sorry I doubted ye, I just had no idea ye really did know anything about tea. Ye look like ye know more about it than I do though."

I snorted, then rubbed my nose with embarrassment. "Well, I really like tea, and I know tea ceremonies from all over the world, even how to have a proper Japanese high tea ceremony. You should see the rest of my tea flavor selection. I think it rivals most tea shops and is far more impressive than most grocery stores. I guess I'm a tea geek too."

Signe grinned. "Well, I'd like some green tea. What kinds do you have?"

I showed her, explaining each variety, and grinned when she chose a green tea with mint. I handed her one of the mugs and offered her sugar and milk, but she declined. I grabbed a bag of cinnamon infused black tea and plopped it in the last cup, the one for Jack, offering him milk and sugar, which he accepted and we all waited for the water to finish heating. I tucked the extra teas away again, clearing the counter, and put the milk and sweeteners away while we waited, humming to myself. Jack burst out laughing suddenly, startling both Signe and I. We looked at him. He grinned. "Lass, did ye realize ye were humming tha theme ta Zelda?"

I blushed brilliantly. "Um, no, I didn't. Sorry."

Jack grinned and waved me off. "It was hilarious once I figured it out. I wasn't trying ta embarrass ye though."

I blinked and hesitated a second, then spoke up. "You didn't really. I just didn't even notice I was humming anything, let alone what my mind had wandered to. That was more what embarrassed me than being caught humming. I do that a lot, and sing under my breath, so it's bound to happen sometimes." I sighed. "That's also how I got recruited into the choir. The music teacher heard me in middle school and liked my voice, insisting I try out. He was one of my favorite teachers at the school, so I felt a little trapped, especially when I easily made the cut, so I ended up in choir for six years, between seventh grade and my senior year."

Signe grinned. "You were an overachiever whether you wanted to be or not then. Kind of like YouTube."

I groaned and nodded. "Exactly. Life just occasionally decides to roll over me with something at someone else's insistence and boom, suddenly I'm in the last place I expected to be, doing things that will help me grow as a person, but make me vastly uncomfortable in the present. I think I need to learn to say no to my friends and people I like..."

Jack grinned. "Nah. Yer life would be too boring then and ye wouldn't be happy anyway. Besides, it's not like we knew yer YouTube channel was going ta explode. That was all ta do with ye and yer hard work, not us. Even I can't get three videos a day out everyday, or I doubt I could. Like Signe said, yer an overachiever."

I rolled my eyes, but grinned all the same. The water had just come up to a boil, and the tea kettle was whistling merrily at me, so I turned off the heat and poured three mugs of hot water, leaving the bags to steep as I stepped over to the counter and grabbed some cookies I had baked while Mark was here. I offered Signe the plate first, then Jack, selected my own cookie, and grabbed a spoon to stir the tea as I removed the teabags and disposed of them when three minutes had passed, my preferred steep time. I handed Jack and Signe their mugs, grabbed my own, and we all headed back into the living room to wait for the food Signe had ordered. I realized as I settled back in my seat I had never replied to Mark after all, getting distracted by the conversation in the room, so I sent him a fast message now. Immediately my Skype started ringing. I picked up with a smile. "Hey Mark. Sorry to ignore you. Signe and I were in lost in game land and not logged into Skype, so I didn't even see the messages until Jack came over to check on us. When I logged in, I started to respond, but got distracted, talking to Jack and Signe and making us some tea while we ordered some food. How are you holding up, baby?"

Mark smiled a little sadly. "Not as well as you, apparently. I was a little worried, which is why I called Jack in the first place, then everyone went quiet over there and I was starting to really get worried. I'm glad you aren't as sad as you were earlier. What did you and Signe do all day?"

Signe leaned over. "Hey Mark. We hung out and talked about you until after lunch and then we zoned out playing Overwatch. We had completely lost track of time, so we didn't even notice it was past time to take a break until Jack came over and pounded on the door. Then he started talking with us while we figured out dinner." She leaned back over when Jack whined slightly since she had been cuddling him and when she moved to talk, he lost contact with her.

I smiled at the two of them and shook my head. "So, did you get everything you need to do today done, Mark? And how's Chica?"

Mark's smile lost its sad tinge. "Chica's great. I think she missed me though because she won't let me out of her sight now without whining."

I grinned. "Smart puppy. I wouldn't either if I could help it."

Mark laughed now. "Thanks babe." There was a sudden motion at the edge of the screen and Mark moved, letting out a small 'oof' as Chica tried to climb in his lap and stepped on him. Mark reached over and started petting her when she whined because she couldn't get up. "Easy girl. Does someone need some love? Who's a good pupper-snupper?"

I mentally chuckled as I watched, amused at the adorable picture in front of me. I didn't realize I looked as wistful as I did until Jack commented. "Mark, I think yer girlfriend is getting jealous of yer dog. She looks ready ta whine herself. Stop torturing her."

I blinked and shuttered my expression, looking down. Mark looked up, catching my eye. "Babe. Please don't shut yourself off from your feelings, or shut me out. I'm sorry if seeing that made you sad. I miss you, so much, it's not fair. Actually, Chica's been helping me cope with that today, more than I anticipated. I still wish you were here though."

I let myself open back up and share my emotions with Mark again, even just over the screen. "I'm sorry for shutting down too. I'm just not used to showing anyone how I feel, kind of as a safety mechanism, that I forget you want to know. And I wasn't exactly sad, watching you. Wistful, yes. Wishing I was there mostly. And I thought the two of you were very cute together." I sighed. "So, did you get back to sleep after the call this morning? Or are you still on Irish time and probably feeling jet lagged as hell?"

Mark looked at me, a small sheepish smile on his face. "Jet lagged and out of sorts."

I nodded. "You should go take a nap. Unless you need to eat some lunch first?"

Mark raised an eyebrow at me. "Um, was it that obvious? Could you hear my stomach all the way over there or something?" I grinned and shook my head. "Well, that's a relief at least. Yeah, I'm waiting for a food delivery too. Then I think I will take your advice and lay down for a nap with Chica for a little while. Tyler will be getting to LA tomorrow, and I promised to help him get settled in, so I'm not sure when I'll be online, but I'm sure we'll talk more than, if not again later tonight. I love you babe. Talk to you soon."

"I love you too Mark. Have a good day sweetheart." I blew him a kiss as we disconnected, just as his doorbell rang and someone knocked on my door. We both grinned at each other as the call ended. Signe got up and got the food from the delivery man, paying him and bringing it back into the room. We all settled in to eat, grabbing plates of food and napkins and watching a random show on the TV. I was starting to get really tired and barely stayed awake long enough to put the food in the fridge and offer Signe some money, which she declined after I finished eating. She and Jack had noticed my sleepy state, so they saw themselves out, promising to see me soon, if not the next day, and wishing me a good night. I immediately started turning everything off for the night, sending Mark a goodnight message over Skype, telling him I was sleepy and going to bed, and not to worry about me, then shutting my computer down. I turned all the lights off and just managed to make it back to my bedroom and change pajamas and brush my teeth before I fell into bed. I crawled under the covers and was asleep in no time flat, dreaming about Mark, a small smile on my face as I slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good god, this chapter got away from me!
> 
> Sorry for the delay in getting it out, but as you may (or may not) have seen on the post on my other fiction, Behind the Scenes, I have been dealing with a bunch of things, including the death of my father. Even though we had a rocky relationship, it still hit me hard, partly because of the sudden nature of it, and partly because of how many unresolved issues there were between us. Also, I have a severe infection that has been kicking my ass, so I'm generally just not feeling great and needed a short break. I had thought the chapter was nearly done on March 3rd, the day my dad actually died, but when I went back and reread what I had written, I realized it was shit, so I scrapped most of it and started over. I'm a lot happier with the end result now, but had no idea this was going to be nearly this long. I am going to try to get chapters out soon on other things, but it can be hard to write when I'm feeling as down as I have been lately, so things may be quiet for a little while again, or I might have a burst of creativity and everything will be updated really quickly. 
> 
> Oh, and next week is going to be spotty, as to what and when I can work on things. I have a doctor's appointment scheduled for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday so far, all with different doctors, so we'll see what can get squeezed in around that shit, nerve doctor Monday, foot doctor Tuesday, Eye doctor Wednesday, Physical therapist Thursday for a torn shoulder muscle --fml-- and possibly an appointment Friday with my main doctor about the infection in my foot). XP Just shoot me already! (Not really, but, well, it sucks and is a lot to deal with all at once. I'm not happy.)
> 
> Chapter now edited thanks to the lovely Shae_Renuel (my new beta reader! Thank you!) -- 2/7/2018


	24. Twelve Lonely Days Left *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's only twelve days until you fly over to LA. Are you going to throw yourself into work, hide from the world except Mark, Jack, and Signe, or are you going to stick to the plan and try to get ahead on your content and live as normally as possible without overworking?

I woke up very early the next morning, the second full day Mark was gone, feeling a little blue, but more ready to face social media and the Internet. I took a shower, got dressed, made breakfast, and got settled in at my laptop, all without looking at the time. When I was ready to start working, I glanced at the clock and blinked. It was five am. I sighed and decided to log into Skype, checking to see if anyone was online from the US. I almost instantly got a message from Mark. *Hey babe. What are you doing up at this time of day?* 

I smiled. *I woke up early and decided I could probably get a little work done this morning, before I have to go to therapy.* 

Mark's response made me smile a little brighter. *Hmm. You better take a power nap later. Do you want to talk properly, or get to work?* 

My fingers practically flew over the keys. *What do you think, sweetie? Of course I want to talk to you. I always want to talk to you.* As soon as the message was sent, my Skype started ringing. I picked up right away, grinning at Mark. "I'm so happy to see you, Mark. How has your day been?" 

Mark grinned at me, looking happy to see me, relaxed and a little tired. "Hey baby. I was worried when I saw how early you logged on today. It must be like five in the morning, right?" I nodded, blushing slightly. Mark looked at me more closely. "Well, you don't look stressed or panicked, from what I can tell, so that's good at least. Are you sure you're okay? I mean, after the attack yesterday, and the stress of me leaving..." 

I held up a hand. "Sweetheart, I'm okay. I'm sad you aren't here. I miss you a lot. But I really am okay. I promise. And it won't be long until I'm flying out to see you. My flight leaves two weeks from yesterday." I smiled. "I think we can handle two weeks apart. And I already booked the ticket. Now, I have to be there to film a spot on the Ellen show, and the Late Show with James Corden, besides the stuff with the Grumps, but other than that, I'm all yours." 

Mark nodded, smiling brightly. "Good. Are you going to stay with me, or do you want to get a hotel room?" He blushed slightly, looking hopeful. I giggled. "I hope you'll stay with me, but I understand if you want to stay someplace else. I do have a guest room though, so it's not like you'd be crowded out or anything if you want to stay with me." 

I smiled as reassuring a smile as I could. "Baby, of course I'll stay with you. I'm hoping I can either ship some things to you or bring a few extras to leave with you, since I'll be coming back and forth so much. It would mostly be clothes, but I might bring a few other things as well, if you don't mind storing them for when I'm there?" 

Mark nodded, looking relieved. "Of course! Whatever you want to send. Oh, and my two editors will be coming out to work in my new office just before you get here, so you'll have the chance to meet them as well. Tyler's going to be helping me out with stuff too, mostly as a camera man, extra, and gopher for now, but it should help lighten my schedule a lot and help me keep up the schedule we had while I visited you. Now, we need to plan a few things, relationship-wise, for while we're long distance. And maybe decide when we're going to work together, just so we can block out a dedicated time on our schedules." 

I sighed and nodded. "What do you want to talk about, sweetie?" I shifted in my seat, getting more comfortable by crossing my legs in front of me, tailor style, and grabbing a pillow, squeezing it to my chest and resting my head on it as I looked at the screen. 

Mark blushed. "Um. We never talked about, uh, intimacy while we were apart. Do you want to..." He stopped for a minute and looked at me, looking worried. "Do you want to try phone sex? Or, I mean, Skype sex? Or should we just wait?" 

I thought hard for a minute. "Mark, what do you want to do? I'm okay with waiting, but if you want to try sex over Skype, we certainly can. I'll put on a little show for you and talk sexy. But, like I said, I can wait. I've gone a lot longer in between sex sessions than a couple of weeks. Besides, you pretty well scratched that itch for me for a while." I smiled softly at him. "But if you need to, or want more before I get there, just tell me, okay?" 

Mark laughed. "Yeah, actually, I'll be okay too. Like I mentioned, I'm not all about sex, which is why I have that big bowl of condoms I was telling you about. I was just afraid it would be something that might cause a problem for us if we didn't talk it out." 

I nodded. "Thank you for thinking about me, sweetie. And I'm not saying there will never come a time when I want to do that, I'm just saying, for the moment, I don't need it. I more miss the snuggles, hugs and kisses right now than the sex." I sighed. "I can get through two weeks though. I love you, Mark." 

Mark smiled gently at me, his eyes practically glowing with contentment and love. "And I love you, babe. We can do this. What do you have planned for today, besides your therapy session? Anything fun?" 

I smiled lopsidedly. "Well, I'm going to see how I feel after I respond to some social media comments, but maybe I can squeeze out a vlog, or some gameplay videos, if I'm up to it. I might not be feeling it, so I might just play some games for fun today, or do something offline, like read a book or watch some TV and cook. We went through a lot of my pre-prepared frozen meals while you were here, and I could do with a restock for the freezer. Signe may want to hang out some more today too, I don't know. I haven't really decided anything yet. I just woke up early, too energetic to go back to sleep. I've already showered, dressed, and eaten. I made a pot of tea." I blew out a sigh. "I really should work on some social media today though, even if I don't feel up to recording." Mark tried, and failed, to stifle a yawn. I looked at him fondly and shook my head gently. "Sweetie, if you're tired, you should go to bed. I know my panic attack got you up really early, even if you did take a nap, like you said you were going to. I'll be fine today." 

Mark crossed his arms, pouting slightly. "I don't want to go to sleep yet. I want to keep talking to you. I'll be okay." 

I smiled, a sweet loving smile. "Markimoo, why don't we do what you did for me the other day. Lay down on your couch, or in bed if you want, with your laptop next to you, and I'll talk to you where you can be all tucked in and comfy. Then we'll talk until you fall asleep." My smile turned a little shy and a light blush mounted my cheeks. "I'll even sing if you want..." 

Mark smiled back at me. "That's cheating! You know I want to hear you sing properly... Oh, alright. If you're going to get all logical and bribe me..." 

I chuckled as he carried his computer back to his bedroom, setting it down on the bed and plugging it in. He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at me, expectantly. I raised an eyebrow. "Mark, you need to go get ready to go to sleep. I promise I'll be right here. Go on, go change, brush your teeth, get a drink. I'll wait for you." Mark sighed and nodded. I heard him walk away. A minute later I heard water running. He came back with a glass that he set on his bedside table. He then proceeded to change clothes, not exactly in front of the camera, but not exactly off camera either. I grinned as I watched him. He turned around and saw me on screen and grinned back, winking. I laughed. "Okay, was that on purpose? I mean, you could have taken three more steps and I wouldn't have seen you, but it kind of looked like you might have wanted me to watch you change." 

Mark blushed just a little. "Okay, yeah. You got me." 

I nodded. "Yeah, I do. Now, goofball, climb under the covers and get comfy. Then we can pick a topic of conversation to talk about for a little while." 

Mark obeyed. After a minute of shifting around, he looked back at the screen, looking for all the world like a little boy waiting for his Mom to come kiss him goodnight, read a story, and finish tucking him in. My smile returned at the thought. "Let's talk about something fun. Oh, I know. You could read me one of your stories you were telling me about earlier. I'd love to read them, but I'd love to hear you read them to me even more." 

I blushed. "Mark, I'm afraid they really aren't that good. I mean, I'm not exactly a professional writer or anything. I think you might be disappointed." 

"Never, [Y/N]. Never in anything you do. Please?" 

I sighed. "Fine. But you have to choose, me singing or hearing one of my stories. I'm only going to torture you one way today." 

Mark made a face and shook his head. "I wish you wouldn't do that babe. You need to have more faith in yourself. But if I have to choose just one, I think I'd rather hear you sing tonight." 

I nodded. "Okay. Hey Mark, if you promise not to tease me, I'll let you in on a little secret." Mark nodded eagerly, then yawned again. I smiled. "I can mimic accents from various places pretty well. Maybe I can demonstrate a few of them for you while I'm helping you get to sleep here. Oh, and I can sing in a few of them." 

Mark blinked at me. "That's pretty impressive. I'd love to hear that." He laid back, leaning on one arm to look at the screen as he rolled on his side and cuddled into the pillow. "Sing me something pretty, please." 

I blew him a kiss. "Of course, my love. How about _Amazing Grace_? It's one of my favorite songs, ever. I actually know quite a few hymns, from going to church for years as a teenager and child, but most of them aren't as pretty as that one. Hmm. And then maybe a few folk songs and songs from musicals. Do you have any requests, Mark?" 

He smiled, looking barely awake at this point and just closed his eyes, waiting for me to start, shaking his head just a little to let me know he heard me and didn't have a preference. I hummed a little, softly, to warm up, then launched into a soft, almost wistful, version of _Amazing Grace_ , including all the verses. Mark sighed, smiling, as I sang. By the time I had finished three songs, he was gently snoring, a happy smile on his face. I went quiet and just watched him sleep for a few minutes, glad to see him so relaxed. After a few minutes, I shook myself a little and disconnected the call, whispering a goodnight and 'I love you' to him, hoping he would hear them in his sleep, but not wake up. Then I sighed to myself and started answering social media. I worked steadily for about four hours before someone knocked on my door. I got up and cautiously checked to see who was there, but didn't see anyone, so I opened the door a fraction, leaving the chain on. It was Signe. I smiled and took the chain off, letting her in. "Hi Signe. What's up?" 

"Well, for starters, what are you doing up so early? Sean was checking something online and he saw you had been answering questions for a while. The fans were all wondering if you were in LA with Mark because of how early you started this morning, by the way. Couldn't you sleep? We thought you'd sleep in again today, with as tired as you were when we left last night." 

I sighed. "Meh. I woke up really early, too awake to stay in bed, so I went online. Mark was on Skype and we talked for a while, until he fell asleep." I smiled softly. "Actually, until I sang him to sleep. We talked first though for about half an hour. After I got off that call, I started on social media, since I was so quiet for the last two days." I shook my head. "Why would the fans assume I'm traveling, just because I was up early? I know they are always telling me I must never sleep, so why is now different?" 

Signe looked at me and laughed. "Sweetie, think about it. The time in LA, when it's five am here, is like nine at night. It seems far more likely to see someone online at nine-thirty or ten pm than five thirty or six am, answering random social media posts. Especially when the person in question has a well-known relationship with someone who lives in LA. I think the fans thought you just followed Mark home now, like he did for you, from PAX." I sighed again, rolling my eyes. Signe giggled. "Sean was worried about you though, even as half asleep as he was this early. I told him I'd come check on you so he could get some more coffee." 

I chuckled and nodded, knowing Jack usually needed at least two cups to get properly wake in the morning. "I really am okay, I promise. I'm just wide awake. I already got a bunch of things done, made and ate breakfast, and am ready to face the day. I might even try recording something later, if I feel up to it after therapy. I don't know yet." I sighed. "Mostly, I miss Mark this morning. Talking to him helped, but still... And I know it will only be two weeks until I see him again, or a little less, but it's still going to be rough." 

Signe chuckled and hugged me. "I know, sweetie. It's hard to be away from the person you love. When I go back to Denmark to visit my family, I always love seeing them, but I miss Sean. He can't come with me, usually, because he needs to work. Or if he has to go to a convention, or travel without me. We always miss each other then, even if we know it won't be for very long. And with how close you and Mark have gotten, it doesn't surprise me to hear you say that." I nodded and sighed. Signe smiled. "At least you know it won't be long until you see him again. Now, tell me, what is it you miss most?" 

I blushed slightly, looking down. "His snuggles. His strong arms around me. Being able to just breathe in his scent whenever I'm feeling anxious. Hearing his voice all the time. Knowing he's just in the other room or down the hall if I want a hug." I shuffled my feet a little, shifting back and forth where we were standing. "That sounds pathetic, doesn't it?" 

Signe reached over and pulled me onto the couch, sitting down with her. "Not really. I don't have the anxiety issues you do, but Sean's steady presence helps keep me calm too." She smiled at me again. "So, what did you and Mark talk about this morning? Anything good?" 

I laughed. "Well, we had a very short, very awkward conversation about phone and Skype sex, but we both agreed we could wait two weeks. We talked about where I was going to stay when I visited him. And I asked if he minded if I left some things at his place, so I wouldn't have to keep lugging them back and forth, with as much traveling as I would be doing. Then he tried to get me to read him one of my fan stories as a bedtime story, after I insisted he go lay down in bed so we could talk until he fell asleep, but I had already promised to sing to him, so I told him it would be one or the other. He had me sing. He fell asleep after three songs. I watched him sleep for a little while before I ended the call. He was smiling in his sleep." 

Signe nodded. "Good. You make him happy, as Sean and I both know. We're glad you can see it too. Now, let me change the subject on you, before you get all sad and wistful, missing Mark. What time is your therapy session today?" 

I blinked, thinking for a minute. "Um... Ten thirty. Why?" 

Signe grinned. "I was wondering if I could come along. We could do something fun, just the two of us, for the rest of the morning and grab some lunch together after. Maybe we could go get our hair done? I'm thinking about making a change." 

I smiled and nodded. "Sure. I kind of want to cut my hair too. I'm thinking about going quite a bit shorter, so it works better under the helmet. But I want to find a sexy style first. Maybe you could help me?" 

Signe laughed. "Yeah. That sounds like a lot of fun. Let me go get dressed and I'll be right back. We can look online at hairstyles for you until we need to leave for your therapy session. I'll tell Sean we'll be gone for the day too, so he doesn't worry about either of us. Let's plan on just having a girls' day out and do some shopping while we're gone. Maybe a little retail therapy will help chase away those blues." 

I chuckled. "Not likely. But really, it's not that bad. I'll go shopping with you if you want though, Signe. I could use a few more clothes, mostly for when I have to make public appearances, and maybe something for alone time with Mark. Something sexy. Or frilly and sheer. I don't know." I threw my hands up in the air. "What do guys even like? It's not like I've ever dated much." I looked down at my hands, suddenly feeling a little shy. "Can I tell you a secret? You have to promise not to tell Jack or Mark though." 

Signe nodded, grabbing my hand. "Of course, sweetie. What is it?" 

I looked up at her. "Other than Mark, I've never had a boyfriend. I mean, I've been on dates, but only one or maybe two with the same guy, usually. A few made it to four dates, but no farther. None of them really seemed that interested in me. And after what happened in college..." I shuddered. "That was pretty traumatic." 

Signe looked at me sadly. "Oh, sweetie." She shook her head, then pulled me in for a hug. "I know you know not all guys are bad. I'm just sorry it took you this long to find a good one. Of course I won't tell Mark and Sean, but they might have already guessed." She looked at me again, then stilled as something else occurred to her. "Wait. Does that mean... Was Mark the first guy you _chose_ to sleep with?" 

I looked down again, nodding. In a very small voice, I answered verbally. "Yeah." 

Signe hugged me again. "Okay, you should definitely tell Sean and Mark this. Mark really does need to know. I don't think it's going to change how he feels about you. Other than it might make him a little more protective. And it will definitely make him happy." 

I blushed as I looked at Signe now. "R-really? Do you think it will matter to him? I'm half afraid he's going to ask me questions about where I learned about some of the stuff we've done." 

Signe raised an eyebrow. "What did you ask to do?" 

My blush intensified. "Never mind. Forget I said that." 

Signe laughed. "Nope. Now spill, what did you and Mark get up to that he might be questioning where you learned it if you tell him? I'm dying to know." 

I grinned and giggled, my blush still extremely bright. "Um, nothing too weird. Just... Well, let's just say, I tried a few non-traditional positions with him. And um, a few things I had read about that sounded fun to try. Which they were." 

Signe raised an eyebrow. "What are we talking about here?" 

I shook my head. "Nothing too wild. But I had some ideas and things I wanted to try that he wasn't expecting. I think if I told him, he'd be shocked." I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I do have the internet and have for a long time, and am a curious person. I wanted to learn more about sex, even though I wasn't really ready to have sex until Mark. I don't think he had any idea." 

Signe chuckled. "No. I can pretty much guarantee, from what he said, how he acted, and his attitude that he has no idea. Honestly, I had no idea either. You just seemed so comfortable with everything. And you slept with him so soon after PAX started..." 

I sighed again. "Yeah. I mean, I don't regret that, at all, but it was fast. He just blew into my life so quick, making me feel all these things, helping me stay calm, and helping me deal with things so much. I know I was already more than half in love with him before we ever met in person, now. At the time, I didn't realize it was love." I swallowed. "Did you know? Or guess?" 

Signe ducked her head, blushing a little. "Yeah. Sean and I both did. But we wanted the two of you to have some time to figure it out on your own. Which you did, pretty fast. Truthfully, you both kind of surprised us with how quickly you realized it. I mean, it was pretty obvious to anyone who saw you, or heard you both talk to each other, or about each other, but still, it takes a lot of people a lot longer to understand what's going on. Sean still seems to think the two of you are in the dark about a lot of this though." 

I laughed. "Of course he does. He's a guy, looking in from the outside. He has no idea what Mark and I talk about when he's not there, unless Mark tells him, or I do. And he admitted he does kind of view me as a little sister, so that would automatically make me clueless." I shook my head. "Silly man. Mark and I talk about everything. Or almost everything." 

Signe raised an eyebrow at me, making me blush. "What don't you talk about?" 

I looked down. "Well, mostly it's things about my past, or something that Mark thinks might trigger my panic, I think. I mean, he hasn't asked me any questions about previous boyfriends or relationships. And you saw how he was about when he was afraid he might trigger me because of him going home. I don't always know what subjects he's avoiding because he's got issues with them, or because he thinks I might, or that they just haven't come up. It's all a little confusing." 

Signe made a sound I couldn't easily identify. I looked up at her, raising one eyebrow. She gave me a half-smile. "Well, I think the two of you need to figure out how to address this too. Would it help you if I was here when you talked to him? Like just in the apartment?" 

I blushed and shook my head. "Not really. I mean, it's not going to trigger anxiety unless Mark reacts really poorly, which I can't imagine him doing. At most, I'll be trying to blush myself to death for a little while." I made a thoughtful noise and looked at Signe. "Maybe I should wait and have this discussion in person?" 

Signe crossed her arms and looked at me. "No. This should be done as soon as you can get in touch with Mark. Stop stalling. Call him tonight at the latest. And I think you ought to tell Sean today too. It might make him feel better about you declaring how you feel about Mark so soon. Or at least explain it to him better. Personally, it doesn't totally surprise me. You're smart and you know your own mind really well, sweetie. I never doubted that. Especially not after our little chat in the bathroom at PAX. I mean, you openly admitted you knew you had been lying to yourself about how you felt about Mark. I was still a little worried, but more about how you would cope with being away from him than anything else. You're a really strong person, but everyone has a breaking point. I was afraid separation from Mark would be yours." 

I sighed. "Yeah, I know. Mark was worried about the same thing. So was Jack. You can't convince me otherwise. But I knew I could handle it. Even at the airport before Mark decided to come home with me. I was extremely sad, but I knew I could handle it. I was crying, yes, but I wasn't depressed or anxious. I was just heartbreakingly sad. I would have found a way to deal with it, I think. And the fans would have been there, cheering me on, making sure I was okay, just as much as you and Jack. The major difference would have probably been with work. I might have chickened out and not quit the library, or maybe even quit YouTube completely. I don't know. And I would probably have booked the first flight I could manage to LA, if I did stick with YouTube and leave the library. Hell, if Mark had asked me to move in with him while I was still down, I might have said yes and abandoned everything here. I'm not really ready for that step, I know that, and it would have been bad. This way, I can split my time between LA and Ireland and we can move slower, until we're both actually ready to take that step. Mark can be a little impulsive and I don't want him regretting anything with me." 

Signe giggled. "Sweetie, I don't think that's going to happen. He's too in love with you. I think, if he thought you'd say yes, he'd propose to you on the spot. I think if he had thought you would have said yes and not panicked, he would have proposed on stage at PAX, instead of just asking you to be his girlfriend. Yes, you are moving fast, but both of you are smart people and neither of you are pushing the other into anything. I wouldn't doubt he's just waiting for the day he can actually marry you, without the idea freaking you out. Seriously." Signe sighed, still smiling hugely at me. "I bet he proposes to you before Sean proposes to me." 

I laughed. "I'm not taking that bet. But only because I think I know Jack pretty well, and he moves slow. You know how much he loves and cares for you though. Don't doubt that, Signe. He's just cautious." 

She grinned. "That wasn't my point. At all." 

I grinned at her. "I know. But it totally distracted you for a minute. Now, go tell Jack where we're going and get ready. I need to go find some shoes and then we better head out. Believe it or not, I hate being late for things, and sometimes my therapist is ahead of schedule. We can drive in and sit in the waiting room, looking at hairstyles on our phones." I bit my lip. "Signe, I have a big favor to ask you..." 

Signe grinned at me. "Let me guess. You want to tell your therapist who you are, online, and want me there to back you up." I blinked and nodded. She smiled. "Of course I will! You probably ought to bring your bag with the helmet too, just in case he doesn't believe us. And we can call Sean if we need to. I better go tell him then. I'll be back in five or ten minutes, okay sweetie?" 

"Thanks Signe. I'll be ready by then." Signe left me alone with my thoughts then, going back to her apartment and Jack. I shook myself free of the swirling mental processes I had a minute later and walked back to my bedroom, determined to face my problems head on today. No more stalling. I had danced around this long enough in therapy. I found my bag first and emptied all the contents, save a few mementos from PAX and added my helmet. I slipped a pair of black ballet flats with small bows in the front on my feet and looked in the mirror. I sighed. My hair was getting too long, even for a bun under the helmet, pushing the helmet too far into my face, or hanging out the bottom. And truth be told, I was sick of this hairstyle. And I was thinking about coloring my hair, nothing too crazy, just a natural, lighter shade. Or maybe trying life as a redhead for a while... 

I giggled to myself at the thought, then shook myself out of the mental ramblings, looking over my outfit one more time. It was my usual jeans and geek tee shirt. This one with Princess Peach and Toad. I shrugged to myself and turned around, gathering my keys, wallet, cell phone, and a few other things from my purse, shoving them in the front pouch of the backpack so I didn't have to carry it and my purse. When I heard Signe knock a few minutes later, I picked up my keys again, zipped my bag, slung it over one shoulder, and headed for the door to lock it. I blinked in surprise to see Jack was there too. He grinned at me. "Morning lass. Signe was telling me yer plans for tha day, and I'd like ta crash at least some of them, if ye've no objections. I need ta get my hair clipped and redyed anyway, and I want ta be there for ye when ye talk ta yer therapist about this. I have tha feeling ye're going ta need tha support ta keep tha panic at bay. Ye should send Mark a message too, even just an email, so he knows, then another after, so he knows ye're safe. Maybe let Signe drive us too. I have tha sneaking suspicion ye might be a bit distracted this morning. Am I right?" 

I blushed. "Yeah. My thoughts are kind of scattered. I'm not panicked though, even a little. If you need to stay home and work, I will be okay, I swear!" 

Jack smiled at me and slung an arm over my shoulders. "Nope. Tha videos are already queued and ready ta go. And I'm a little ahead, even with using a few down because of Mark leaving. I had a bit of a stockpile built back up, mostly because of ye, from all our collabs lately and still recording some solo gameplay. Robin's been grumbling about needing a day or two off, so I decided he could take today. I thumbnailed tha videos earlier for tha videos for today and made sure they were all set ta go. I was planning on getting my hair done today anyway. This green lawn is driving me crazy." Jack grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled it slightly. Then he sighed and beanie he had been holding on his head, effectively hiding the mop of hair. "Tha only way ta tame tha lawn without a haircut lately is a hat. And I really don't want ta wear a hat all tha time." 

I giggled. I handed the keys over to Signe as we all walked out to my car. "You know, Jack, I was telling Signe earlier, I'm thinking about changing my hair up a bit. Maybe I should dye it. What do you think?" 

Jack blinked. "Well, it's not like tha fans would know, so whatever ye want ta do. What color are ye thinking? For some reason, I can't picture ye as a blonde, though." 

I laughed. "Nope. I was thinking either just a few shades different than now, or going with a fairly natural looking shade of, um..." I blushed and stopped talking realizing if I said it out loud both Jack and Signe might tease me, telling me I was just imitating Mark, or doing it as a reminder of him. 

Jack grinned at me. "Ooh, let me guess. Ye were either going ta say red or black. Which one though?" 

My blush deepened. Signe took one look at me, grinned, ducked her head, and swatted Jack's arm. "Sean! Behave or you can't come with us." 

Jack pouted and turned to her. "Aww. But, Signe..." 

I laughed. "You're whining Jack. Whining never works." 

Jack just pouted some more and turned away from us, looking out the window as we got settled in my car. I think he was trying to ignore us. I just grinned at Signe who winked. She turned on my music. Immediately, the car filled up with the sounds of Cool Patrol, making Jack blush brightly. I laughed heartily when I noticed. He turned around in his seat to glare at me. I just grinned at him. "Ye're being an evil shit today, lass." 

I giggled. "Not really. I just thought your reaction to my music was hilarious. If you don't want to hear this song, press skip. It's a mix of a bunch of different things I listen to as I drive, mostly StarBomb, NSP, and um..." I paused awkwardly and blushed. "Well, your song and Mark's. From Schmoyoho. Actually, there's some video game music too, I think. This playlist is pretty big and has a lot of stuff." 

Jack grinned at me. "I thought maybe ye just were trying ta embarrass me and intentionally picked this song." 

I blushed and shook my head. "No Jack, I wouldn't do that. It's on random. The playlist is actually a custom radio station I created for myself from my music library, store on the cloud, and I have no control of the order things play in. All I can do it pick the playlist from the dashboard screen." I sighed. "If you want to change playlists you can. I have about fifteen different ones, most of which are pretty clearly labelled as to what's on them. For example, one is called classical music, and surprisingly enough, it's mostly Beethoven, Bach, Mozart, Chopin, Handel, and similar music. The one labelled eighties, is, in fact, eighties music. The ones with just my name or custom are playlists with a little of everything." I went quiet, letting Jack decide if he wanted to change the music. 

"Alright, as long as ye didn't plan this ta try ta embarrass me, we can keep listening. I do like tha song after all, I just wasn't expecting ta hear it. It surprised me." 

Signe laughed. "Sean, what exactly did you think she listened to? Music-wise, I mean." 

Jack blinked. "Um, I never really thought about it. Pop music I guess, would be my first thought." He looked back at me. After a minute, he looked worried and raised an eyebrow. "Lass, are ye okay? Ye've gone all quiet again." 

I wrapped my arms around my chest a little, half hugging myself. "I'll be okay Jack. I'm just thinking. And I'm a little worried about how this is going to go. I've never brought anyone to therapy before, or even really talked about the worst of my issues with anyone, at least until Mark. And he's not here right now. I'm trying to be strong and face my past, but it scares the absolute shit out of me. But, I can't get better until I deal with some of this. I'm hoping to tell my therapist at least a little of what happened, while you guys are here and can help me stay calm, or at least diffuse the panic. You both know how to help me, better than most people, and can pull me out of my own head. You can also reach Mark in a hurry if something goes really wrong." I shifted in my seat. "I just hate the thought of having to wake him up like that again though, so I'm really hoping it won't be necessary." I shivered. Jack reached out a hand and gripped my knee, a comforting reminder I wasn't in this alone. 

"Lass, ye're amazingly strong, just ta have gotten this far. If ye need us ta come back with ye on another day, ta talk about some of tha rest of this stuff with tha therapist, we will. Hell, it's not like ye can't help me bank extra videos and get ahead again. And even if I couldn't get ahead enough, if one or two videos were a wee bit late, because I was helping ye deal with something, tha fans would understand. Ye are more important than videos coming out as scheduled. Mark would tell ye tha same. So would tha fans from any of our communities." 

I ducked my head, looking down. "Thanks Jack. That helps, a lot, but I couldn't ask you to do that. I mean, I _COULDN'T_ , not that I wouldn't. I get a little anxious at the thought of my own videos being released off schedule. I think my panic would spiral even worse if I knocked your uploads off. You work so hard to keep the videos steady and on time. Hell, it's one of the things your channel is best known for, other than loudness, energy, and positive fan interactions. If I feel like I'll need the help, I promise to help you get a few extra videos recorded ahead so I can drag you in for the sessions I need the support in." I blushed and hugged my arms tighter to myself. "It's always harder for me to ask for help from other people or to feel like I'm causing a problem for them, or even just an inconvenience, than to just try to tough it out." 

Jack reached the hand on my knee up and lifted my chin, making me look him in the eye. "Lass, ye are worth tha hassle. And honestly? Toughing it out, like ye try ta, or blocking it off, which I suspect ye do too, isn't healthy. I know it lets ye deal with things for a while, but it makes them harder, bigger, stronger, more ingrained when ye do have ta face them. Let me worry about whether I think ye're too much effort, [Y/N]. That's really what ye're worried about, right?" I swallowed, trying to look away. Jack smiled softly at me. "Lass..." He paused, shook his head, and tried again. "[Y/N], I really do think of ye as a sister. Ye're always going ta be worth tha effort. And ye are a massive force for good, as yer fans will tell anyone who asks." 

I blushed again, looking away from Jack's eyes finally. "They would, wouldn't they? And I already told you, I think of you as a brother too. This is just a hard thing for me." I looked back up at Jack with a small, tight smile. "Thank you for all the help. I really couldn't do half the things I have recently if you weren't here, helping me every step of the way. And even if my two biological brothers were here, I would still have trouble with this." 

Jack looked choked up and gently patted my knee, then turned around, facing the front window, his eyes over bright. He sniffed a few times as well, just as Signe pulled up to the medical office building. As soon as she parked, she reached over and pulled Jack into a hug. "You big softy. Come here. [Y/N] wasn't trying to make you cry, Sean." 

He sniffed again, leaning into Signe's side. "I know that. Who's crying? Not me, that's for fair certain. Ye're seeing things." 

I grinned. "If she is, I'm seeing the same things. But come on, we're here, and I think it's time to talk about something else. Signe, do you still want to help me find a new hairstyle? We can look on my phone while we wait to be called back after I sign in." 

Signe grinned and nodded enthusiastically, letting go of Jack to climb out of the car and join me, her head leaned close as we whispered, giggled, and walked up to my therapist's office. Jack followed, trying not to roll his eyes at us as we kept up the whispered conversation while we waited for the therapist to come out and call me back. Signe and I were poring over possible hairstyles. I found three I really liked and was debating between them when I was finally called to come back. I looked up nervously, swallowed, and looked at Signe and Jack. "Show time. Do the two of you want to wait here until I ask the doctor to bring you back, or just come now?" I fidgeted slightly while I waited for their answer, nerves keyed up to the point I felt like I was an over-wound spring. The two of them shared a look and stood up. Signe grabbed one hand and Jack rested a hand on my shoulder as they wordlessly encouraged me to start walking back. I scooped up my nearly forgotten bag from the floor and led them back to the office. Dr. Neil McGrath, my therapist, was waiting for me and blinked in surprise when he saw I had people with me. I fidgeted a little more as I explained who they were. "Hello Dr. Neil. I have some people I need to introduce to you, who have been helping me at home. I also need them to help get me through today's session. I hope that's okay." I looked down. "I feel like there are a few things I need to explain to you and some issues we've just been skirting around in my sessions. I'm hoping my friends can help keep me calm enough to talk about them today, with you. I already told them, and my boyfriend, who they are also friends with, most or all of what I'm planning to tell you." I swallowed and looked up. Dr. Neil was nodding, a soft smile on his face. "Anyway, these are my next door neighbors and close friends, Jack and Signe. Well, actually, it's Sean, but everyone pretty much calls him Jack most of the time." 

Dr. Neil stuck out a hand to shake both Signe's and Jack's hands. "Lovely, ta meet tha two of ye. [Y/N] has mentioned tha two of ye quite a bit, in previous sessions. And anything that makes her more comfortable is fine with me. I'm here ta help ye get better, lass, not ta judge yer friends." He waved a hand at the couch and chairs around the room. "Everybody take a seat, and let's get started, shall we?" 

I nodded and walked over to the overstuffed couch, sitting in the middle, folding my legs up under me, grabbing a throw pillow, which I wrapped my arms around, hugging it close, and settling my bag on my knees. Signe came over and sat next to me on one side, Jack on the other. I smiled tightly at them and looked up at the doctor. "I need to be brave. I've been putting this off for too long, and it's effecting how much you can help me get through things. I should have told you sooner what I do for a living, but I'm scared." I closed my eyes, a small shiver rolling down my spine. I hugged the pillow tighter to my chest. "Okay, I can do this. I just have to remember to breathe." Jack reached over and gently squeezed my knee, a wordless reminder he had my back. I looked at him and smiled, thanking him with my eyes. He nodded and gestured at the doctor. I sighed. "Yeah. Okay. So, what I do for a living." 

Dr. Neil raised a hand at me and spoke up. "Hey, if ye aren't ready ta share, ye don't have ta. Just remember, I'm not here ta judge ye. This is a safe space." 

I swallowed down my nerves and nodded. "I know. This is just hard for me to talk about. Here goes nothing..." I took a deep breath. "I'm a YouTuber." I blew out a sigh and smiled, lopsidedly. That was the easy part of the explanation. "Um, do you watch YouTube at all?" 

Dr. Neil smiled kindly. "Only a few channels. [Y/Y/N], Good Mythical Morning, and some medical ones. I mostly watch between patients, or after I get home at night. Several of my patients have recommended [y/y/n], which is why I started watching her stuff. She's all about tha positive. They claimed she helped them loads. Why?" 

I blinked. "Shit." I looked at Jack first, then Signe. Signe reached over and hugged me. I swallowed nerves down again. "I... I am [Y/Y/N]. Jack here is jacksepticeye. Mark, my boyfriend, is Markiplier. Signe's online handle is Wiishu." I looked down at my bag and reached for the zipper, then gently pulled out my helmet and put it on. 

Dr. Neil blinked three times in slow succession. "Ye're ... Ye're serious. Ye really are her." I nodded. Jack pulled his beanie off. The doctor blinked at us a few more times. I started fidgeting again, waiting for him to react. Finally he shook his head, as though clearing it. "Well, that explains a few things. Ye always seemed so triggered talking about yer job. And ye skated around what yer boyfriend did, or what any of yer friends did for work." 

I took my helmet off and set it back on my bag, not zipping it closed just yet, but not keeping the helmet on anymore either. "Yeah. And PAX triggered so many panic attacks for me, that's actually what drove me back to therapy. Anxiety about someone grabbing me, being unmasked, and how fast my channel grew were so bad, I'm pretty sure I could have died if Mark, Jack, and Signe hadn't been there. They have helped me get through some really, really scary attacks." I looked down again, twisting my fingers nervously. "And they have helped me talk about some really bad things that happened to me in the past." 

Dr. Neil looked at me again. "Are those things ye can talk about, with yer friends here, ta me now?" 

I looked up and sighed. "I hope so. It might get bad though. Please be patient with me. Jack, Signe, you guys know what to watch for with me, to make sure I don't spiral out too badly. I'm going to try to explain this without triggering my panic, but..." 

Jack squeezed my knee again. "Ye're doing great so far lass. We're here if ye need us." 

I nodded. "Thanks. That helps a lot." I took a breath, closed my eyes, and mentally squared my shoulders, gathering my thoughts. "Okay, I'm just going to lay the bare bones down for you today. We can discuss the details more, if we need to, another time, when I'm not feeling so anxious already. I was severely bullied in school. My father was mentally, verbally, and physically abusive. Together, these things caused me to develop an eating disorder that went on for over a year and a half, until I looked absolutely starving and my father hit me so hard he shattered my arm and three ribs. Everything came to light while I was in the hospital recovering. My mother left my father then. After that things were okay for a while until, in my fall semester of sophomore year in college, I was abducted, raped, and severely abused by a stalker, who had some of his friends rape me as well. I was held captive for three weeks before one of the abductor's friends, who wasn't okay with all of that, reported him to the police. I started therapy after that, and for a few months everything seemed fine. Then summer came along, and my therapy was put on hold and I had to go home. I attempted suicide because of a series of bad events and circumstances, which were later determined to be made worse by depression, social anxiety, and PTSD, all of which had been undiagnosed." I opened my eyes and looked at the doctor now. 

He looked stunned. "Well... Ye've overcome quite a lot in yer life then. And I understand why ye have a lot of tha triggers ye have, especially with yer privacy. Can I ask a few questions now?" 

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess so. I'll try to answer them, if I can." 

Dr. Neil nodded, smiling at me again. "When ye say ye attempted suicide, what happened?" 

I blushed brightly and looked down. "I swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills. I had them prescribed because I had terrible insomnia, which, by the way, I've always had trouble with. My younger brother, Chris, came into my room just as I passed out and figured it out, calling for help. The doctors pumped my stomach and diagnosed the social anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I moved back to college, to an apartment of my own, away from campus, and started therapy back up." 

Dr. Neil nodded. "Okay. Just one or two more questions, then I think we'll have ta end tha session for today. First, have ye ever thought about suicide since then?" 

I shook my head emphatically. "No. And I regret that I ever did, even though it wasn't entirely in my control at the time." I shivered. Signe and Jack wrapped arms around me. 

Dr. Neil looked serious again. "Have ye been depressed since then? Do ye know tha signs ta watch for?" 

I nodded. "Yeah. I know what I get like. I get despondent, listless, very tired, but I can't sleep, and cranky. Oh, and I will never, ever again take sleeping pills of any sort. Even having them offered to me tends to trigger a panic." 

Dr. Neil nodded, then he stood up, reached out to shake Jack's and Signe's hands, and opened the door. "Thank ye for trusting me, [Y/N]. I know this wasn't easy for ye. Now, go do something fun for tha rest of tha day. Doctor's orders." 

I smiled, zipping my bag around my helmet, and nodded. Signe led me out to the car. She watched me in the rear view mirror for a few minutes after we all got in. "Are you okay sweetie? I know this was a really hard morning for you. Any panic or anxiety Sean and I should be worrying about?" 

I looked down, thinking, feeling out the edges of my anxiety, trying to assess my mental state. "No, actually. I'm feeling less panic now that I told my therapist than I have in a really long time. Just knowing that's over, and I won't have to worry about him not believing me, or triggering a panic accidentally by tripping over a sensitive subject helps a lot. And it wasn't nearly as hard to talk about as I thought it was going to be. I was more worked up before I told him, worrying about how bad it could be, than when I was actually talking about my problems." I sighed. "I still don't want to talk about things openly, but at least I'm starting to feel like I could if I had to." I shook my head, trying to clear the mental cobwebs and slight fogginess from taking my panic medicine this morning, as a precaution. "I did take one of my anxiety pills, after you went to go talk to Jack, just in case, but I guess I didn't need to after all. I feel a little spacey from it, but otherwise, pretty good." 

Jack nodded. "Good thinking. Ye'll be fine lass. And by tha way, I'm proud of how well ye handled all that. Ye did a great job." 

I ducked my head, blushing. "I knew you and Signe were right there, cheering me on, making sure I was okay, Jack. Otherwise, even with the medicines, I'm pretty sure I would have either panicked or chickened out." I looked up, into his eyes. "Seriously, thank you. And while we're on the subject of hard to talk about things, I do have one more thing Signe thinks I should talk to you about. But I want to wait until a little later today, alright?" I looked over at Signe. "I promise, I will tell him, and Mark, later, but I need some time to think about how to explain this first, and some distraction. Also, I need to let the medicine wear off a bit so I'm not so scattered, mentally, when I try to talk about things, or else I'm going to wander into deep water without realizing it." 

Signe raised an eyebrow at me. "Deep water?" 

I laughed. "Oh, sorry. That's the term my family and I always use for the dangerous subjects to talk about with me. If I tell them something is pushing me into deep water, they immediately change the subject so they won't trigger a panic attack. Or if I start skirting around something oddly and they ask me if it has to do with deep water, I can explain in a way that won't panic me, hopefully. It usually works pretty well, unless something just overwhelms me too fast." 

Signe and Jack nodded. "That makes sense, lass. Now, why don't we head out for an early lunch, then go get our hair stuff done. Ye girls will probably take forever with that, but whatever." 

I laughed again. "Probably not as long as you, Jack. Honestly. I already know what I want done. Signe and I found three styles I liked before my appointment, and I'll just ask which of them the stylist thinks will look the best on me. None of them are particularly difficult to cut or fussy to wear, and I'm really hoping they will help with my helmet and recording. It's getting to be more than an annoyance and becoming an actual problem now to wear the helmet with my hair this long. I just hope Mark likes whatever the new style is." 

Jack laughed. "Lass, ye could shave yer head and I think he'd tell ye it was sexy, just because he loves ye that much. Even if he hates it, it will grow back. But ye should know by now that he loves everything about ye." 

I blushed, a small smile on my face. "I know. I just know he likes me with long hair." My smile got a little wistful. "He loves to brush my hair or play with it. And honestly? I like it when he does that too. It's soothing for both of us." 

Signe and Jack both smiled at me, Signe through the rear view mirror as she drove, Jack turning in the seat. "It's great that you care what Mark thinks, sweetie, but if your hair is making you uncomfortable or causing you pain, that has to come into play too. Besides, like Sean said, Mark is going to love you no matter what. A haircut isn't going to change that." 

I sighed, still smiling a little. "My head knows that. My fears, anxiety, and panic are less sure. Thanks for reminding me, for putting up with my doubt." 

Jack grinned. "We told ye, ye're worth it [Y/N]. Hell, even tha doctor seemed ta be impressed with ye and what ye've done before ye even told him ye who ye were online. Ye need ta remember all tha good ye do, all tha people ye help, before ye let tha doubts win, if ye can. And I don't think there is anything ye could tell Mark about yerself that would make him love ye less." 

I nodded, letting the words really sink in and the conversation drop for the moment. Signe and Jack talked quietly in the front seat for a few minutes, seeing I was thinking, not ignoring me, but just giving me a few minutes to gather myself. By the time Signe pulled up to a restaurant all of us enjoyed when we were out, I was ready to talk to them again and felt calmer than I had since Mark told me when he would have to leave. I missed him with every fiber of my being, but I knew that wasn't going to stop or change until I saw him again in two weeks. Jack led the way into the restaurant, hugging Signe close when we sat down to wait. I smiled as I watched them, relaxed and happy together. We had a nice calm lunch, all of us chatting animatedly about a new movie we were all hoping wouldn't be a total disappointment and a few video games we were playing. When we had all finished eating, I insisted on paying, over the objections of both of them. They grumbled the whole way to the hair salon. After we told the front desk what we wanted done and gave our names, we were seated and told we would have a twenty minute wait, at least. I was called back first and after a fast explanation of what, exactly, I had in mind, the stylist started washing my hair. She chatted with me, amiably, while she worked, painting the bleach in my hair after it was washed and a very basic clip done. She had told me she would style it and do a more proper cut after the dye was in, even offering to perm gentle waves or loose curls in if I wanted, I was delighted by the idea of the curls, jumping on the idea right away. She nodded and we kept talking until it was time for me to sit under a timer and wait. I smiled and settled in. Before I knew it, my hair was done, the dying going far faster than the bleaching part, a deep conditioner added after it was dyed to help maintain the color. Then the stylist permed my hair, cutting and styling the new curls, very large loose curls that would relax into waves over the next few weeks, trimming it into a gorgeous jaw length bob that flattered my face, especially with the newly copper red color. She even threw in an eyebrow shaping and coloring for free while she worked. I was ecstatic with the results, tipping her lavishly when I paid. She grinned at me as I went back to the waiting area, to sit until Signe and Jack were done. I grinned and reached into my bag, pulling out the hat I had tucked in there this morning and my oversized sunglasses, so I could do a proper reveal when they were ready to leave. I played with my phone, goofing off online, until both of them finished and came back over, almost at the same time. Signe had gotten her hair died a few shades darker and her hair was now cut between her chin and shoulder. Jack's hair practically glowed green and was trimmed so the floof on top was shorter. I smiled at the two of them when they arrived. "Ready to go guys?" 

Signe looked at me closely. "Um, what's with the sunglasses and hat? Are you unhappy with your new style?" 

I giggled and shook my head. Jack raised an eyebrow. "What are ye hiding lass?" 

I just shook my head and lead them out to the car, making Jack put his beanie back on so we could get there anonymously. Once we were all settled in, I grinned hugely and stopped Signe from starting the engine. "I just wanted to do a dramatic reveal." I took off the sunglasses first, then the hat and shook my head a few times, letting the curls bounce back into place naturally. "So, what do you guys think?" 

Jack stared, open-mouthed at me. Signe looked surprised for a few seconds as well. "That's not one of the styles we picked out earlier, sweetie. It looks amazing though! And the color and curls are really flattering on you." 

I grinned happily. "I love it. The best part is, the curls will slowly relax down to just waves over time. I'm really happy with how it came out. My stylist was awesome. She even did my eyebrows for free." I bounced in my seat, too happy to sit still. "I can't wait to call Mark now and show off my new look." I giggled. "He was going to have a hair appointment today too, to dye his hair back to his natural color. At least my red is more natural and subtle than his was." 

Jack laughed. "Lass, he's going ta be gobsmacked. Ye look amazing. Good job." I laughed, a happy, nearly joyful sound. "Who knew all ye needed ta cheer ye back up ta yer usual bubbly self was a new hairdo?" 

I waved a hand at Jack. "Come on Jack! You know that wasn't all. The therapy session and getting my past out in the open with my doctor had a lot to do with it too. But the hair style does help, more than I thought it would for sure. I feel so much lighter and freer than I have in a long time." 

Signe giggled and covered her nose and mouth with her hand. "You look like an oversized, over excited kid on Christmas. Or like you did at the science museum, bouncing from one exhibit to the next. I'm so glad. Now, do you still want to do a little shopping, or are you ready to go home?" 

I looked at the time. It was just after two. "Let's go shopping. I need to buy some clothes anyway. Especially since I have to make more public appearances for work. I probably ought to look for a few more pairs of shoes too..." 

Jack groaned. "Ye women are going ta take forever aren't ye?" 

I looked at Signe, who giggled. "Maybe. Then again, maybe not. You can go look at other stuff, Sean. Or we could drop you back off at home..." 

Jack shook his head. "Nah. I'd rather spend tha day with ye, Signe, even if ye are shopping. I probably should buy a few things for myself as well." 

We nodded and Signe drove us to the shopping district, parking in the first available spot. We headed off, Signe and Jack walking hand in hand, me flitting ahead and running into the shoe store I wanted first. I looked around for nearly twenty minutes before I found them. The perfect dress shoes, in three colors, purple, black, and silver. I bought all three pairs, nearly floating out of the store, I was so happy. I headed to a clothing store next. Jack and Signe were in there as well. I started looking around and found eight new outfits for more formal occasions, five outfits for YouTube appearances that were less formal or recording for my channel, six tee shirts I really wanted, three pairs of shorts, two skirts, two pairs of jeans, and four outfits to wear for Mark, sexy, sheer, lacy things that nearly made me blush just thinking about wearing them. I tucked them in my cart, out of sight of Jack, before I started browsing the rack of bras. I found just one I really liked, so I added it to my pile of clothes and sighed. I had a lot of clothes here. I gave myself a mental shrug and headed up to pay. I rarely bought myself anything new, and when I did, this was the usual result. A pile of new clothes all at once. Besides, some of these were going to be for while I was staying in LA. I paid for all my purchases, juggling the bags of clothes and shoes while I waited for Jack and Signe. Both of them blinked at me when they spotted me waiting at the front of the store for them. Signe got in line to pay and Jack came over to me, grinning. I smiled at him. "I guess I didn't slow the two of you down too much, did I?" 

Jack laughed. "Lass, how did ye manage ta buy all that so fast? Did ye just get everything they had in tha right size?" 

I giggled. "Nope. I just knew what I needed, and I tend to shop fast. It's not really something I enjoy all that much, so I try to get in and out of stores as fast as I can. I'm better than I used to be, but..." I trailed off and shivered, thinking about my past for a minute, my expression growing serious. "That's how _he_ grabbed me. I was out, alone, buying snacks off campus, at a grocery store. He grabbed me on my way back to my car. For a really long time, I couldn't shop alone after that." I looked at Jack. "But I did, eventually, get over that. Besides, I'm not alone today." I smiled a sunny smile again. "You and Signe are both here, and honestly, I'm having fun. Sure, normally I'd rather buy stuff online and have it shipped, but I need this soon, so that's not really an option. I should venture out more anyway. It helps me grow, as a person, to go beyond my comfort zone, if I know I'll be safe and have support." 

Jack looked a little surprised, but happy I was in such a good mood. Before he could really say anything though, Signe waved him over. He asked me to wait here and wet to see what he could do to help her. Pretty soon, we were all loading our new purchases in the trunk, climbing in the car, and heading back home. As soon as we parked, we all hopped out and started unloading. Signe came back over to return my keys to me and promised to check in with me soon. I grinned at her and nodded. Jack helped me carry in the last of my bags, and I asked him to stay for a few minutes so I could tell him something. He looked at me, worry clear on his face as he settled in on my couch. I tried to smile reassuringly, but I'm not entirely sure I convinced him I was okay. "[Y/N], whatever it is, ye can wait ta tell me if ye need. I won't judge ye harshly, ye know that." 

My smile got a little lopsided. "I know that Jack. I'm okay, I swear. This is just something I'm a little embarrassed about sharing, not scared. Um, I wouldn't even mention it to you, but Signe thinks I should tell you. I plan to tell Mark later today, when I call him. Again." I bit my lip and looked down, blushing a little. "I told you about my past, with my dating history. What I guess I didn't make clear was before Mark, I have never had a guy I called my boyfriend, or a real relationship worth mentioning. I rarely dated anyone for more than two dates. Only one or two guys ever made it to the fourth date, not that I really dated all that much anyway. I was mostly too traumatized by the whole abduction to really feel very comfortable around men for a long time, and none of the guys I did date seemed all that interested in me either." 

Jack grabbed my hand, squeezing it. "So what convinced ye Mark was different, if I can ask?" 

I smiled, my expression clearing again. "Lots of things. He and I talked so much before I ever agreed to go on a date, officially, with him, I knew him really well. And I knew he was interested in me. I was already more than half in love with him before we ever met in person. And when he kissed me, I just knew he was right for me. It kind of blew my mind a little, especially when I realized I was in love with him. Signe knew at PAX. That's what she asked me about when we were alone in the bathroom that evening. I was more upset that she guessed or knew and made me face it than anything else about the situation, at the time. I had been lying to myself all day that day, well, all week really, trying to convince myself it was just a crush, that it would pass after we separated. I knew in my heart that wasn't true, and Signe's words made me face it too. Then Mark told me he loved me, without meaning to, and everything just clicked." I blushed again. "Mark's the first guy I ever slept with, _willingly_ , Jack. He means a lot to me. Signe thought you should know." I looked up from the floor, where I had been staring, into Jack's face. 

He blinked at me a few times. Then his face crumpled and he looked sad. He pulled me into a hug. "Lass, I'm so happy ye feel that way about him, but at tha same time, I'm incredibly sad yer past was so painful. And it's a huge relief ta know ye and he have talked about things so much. I was half afraid ye both just avoided talking about yer feelings completely, especially after tha debacle when Mark froze up on ye." 

I chuckled and hugged Jack back, hard. "Nope. We've been talking about our feelings since PAX. Maybe even flirting and sending non-verbal signals to each other a bit before that. I was surprised when he first kissed me, but the next time it happened, I was ready and kissed him back. Then I initiated a few kisses myself. I'll spare you any other details. I doubt you really want to know, especially if you view me as a sister and him as one of your best friends. Thanks for understanding and being okay with this, Jack." 

Jack just grinned as he pulled back from the hug. "It surprises me is all. Ye just seemed so sure about all this relationship stuff. Ta hear ye say ye've barely dated anyone and have never been in a real relationship before wasn't something I expected. And I thought ye said ye had been in a long distance relationship before?" 

I ducked my head and grinned. "I fibbed a little. It wasn't a romantic relationship I was referring to, it was friendships. About eighty percent of my friendships are long distance now, and any kind of long distance relationship is still a relationship, whether it's romantic or not." 

Jack laughed. "Ye tricked us then. Okay. I think I understand why, but ye could have trusted Mark with that information, ye know." 

I blushed, shaking my head. "I don't think so. Or I didn't at the time. He could barely handle things it when he thought I knew how to what to do about all of this stuff from past experience." I chuckled softly to myself. "Actually, the distance isn't the problem I have now, it's what is going to happen next. I have no idea, at all, how to be in a romantic relationship like this, or even what Mark might like or want. We had the most awkward conversation earlier this morning, which I am not going to tell you about because it will squick you out. Suffice it to say, we are both somewhat clueless right now. It's kind of the blind leading the blind and deaf. Or toddlers playing in traffic. Basically, we're a train wreck waiting to happen." 

Jack raised an eyebrow at me. "Lass, I doubt yer conversation was that bad. Just tell Mark what ye told Signe and me, about not dating before. He's going ta understand. But now ye've got me curious, what tha hell were tha two of ye talking about?" 

I blushed brighter than before. "Um... Well, we were trying to figure out if either of us wanted to, uh, have phone or Skype sex. Basically." 

Jack blushed, then shook his head. "Yeah, ye were right. I didn't need ta know that." He squirmed slightly, making me giggle. 

"It's okay, Jack. We decided to wait anything like that until we were together again anyway, at least at this point. But it was incredibly uncomfortable for both of us." 

Jack nodded, then straightened up. "Lass, ye need ta talk ta him about all this, not me. Signe and I will be around all evening, but ye should call Mark as soon as he gets online. That could be any time now. It's nearly half gone four already, which makes it after eight in LA. Now, I'm going ta head home. If ye need us, come find us, okay? See ye soon, [Y/N]!" 

I stood up and followed Jack out, locking the door behind him, then I settled on the couch after I grabbed my laptop and a drink, setting things up so I was comfortable. Mark was already logged onto Skype when I got online, and he sent me a call request right away. I smiled and picked up, audio only on my end for a minute. "Hi Mark! How did you sleep, baby?" 

"Uh, babe? Why can't I see you right now?" Mark looked worried. 

"Well, I have a surprise for you. I got a new haircut and I wanted to do a big reveal. Are you ready?" He nodded, smiling. I pressed the button and my camera went live, revealing my newly bobbed, dyed, and curly hair to Mark. His jaw dropped in surprise. "So, what do you think? The curls will slowly drop out into waves over the next little bit, but I really like it." 

Mark swallowed, convulsively. "Babe, you're gorgeous. I mean, you were before too, but now... You just take my breath away. How did you manage to make yourself more stunning?" I just giggled at him. "And the color really suits you too." He grinned at me. "I like it. A lot. And it's not an unnatural hair color, so if we go out someplace together, neither of us will draw attention to ourselves, based on our hair, by the time you get here." He shifted a little, getting more comfy in his seat and his smile settled into a happy, open smile. "Seriously, that was an amazing surprise for me. And I love the fact that I went to sleep listening to you and even though I haven't been up very long, I get to talk to you again, almost as soon as I got out of bed. Did you plan that?" 

I shook my head, my curls bouncing and dancing. "Nope. Happy accident. I've been out all day, since this morning when I headed out for my therapy appointment. Oh Mark, I had a really good day today. Jack and Signe spent the day with me, both of them getting their hair done too, but they even came to therapy with me so I could talk about things with the doctor. You know, about my job and past. I told him everything important, at least an overview, with no panic. It was really more of a relief than anything. Then we got lunch, had our hair appointments and went shopping. Now I'm ready for a quiet evening." 

Mark's smile widened a little. "I'm glad you had such a good day. Aren't you exhausted though? Or did you go back to bed after you got me to sleep earlier?" 

I laughed. "Of course I didn't go back to sleep. I answered questions online for four hours or so. Jack and Signe said the fans seem to be asking Jack whether I followed you to LA. Just because I'm an early bird. It might have confused them that I've been answering tweets all day today though, around other activities, but be prepared to see a bunch of people asking about that today." 

Mark just shook his head fondly at me. "I love you, baby. I wish you had followed me out here, which is exactly what I will tell the people asking, if you want. Or we can just ignore them for the moment." 

I nodded. "Sounds like a plan. You can decide which works better for the comments you're getting if you want. Maybe add one or two to a reading comments video, if you get a lot of them like that. Now, I have a few things I want to talk to you about, but if you have a lot to do today, we can keep things pretty short." I smiled at him again. "It's nothing bad, I promise. Actually, I didn't even think about it being an issue, but Signe thinks I should tell you. She found out in kind of a roundabout way, based off something else I said." I bit my lip, a little worried now. "I hope it won't upset you." 

Mark's expression was full of love and support. "Babe, you can tell me anything. I can't promise I won't get upset, but I'll do my best not to get angry. And it won't be anger at you, unless you do something to intentionally make me upset or keep secrets from me to protect me. I already told you, I want you to share everything with me." 

I nodded and smiled again. "Well, this really isn't a bad thing anyway, but it might explain a little bit of why I'm so clueless about some things. Um, first, I did lie about one tiny thing. It was more of a misdirection than an outright lie anyway. I've never been in a romantic long distance relationship. Now, I have been in a lot, and I mean a LOT, of long distance friendships, and I think most of the principles are the same." 

Mark gave me a rueful look. "Yeah, I suspected you skirted around the truth a little on that one, mostly to help keep me calm." 

I nodded, looking down. "I'm sorry. You just seemed so worried and upset. Besides, I knew what I could handle and I was afraid you didn't believe me. So I lied a little. But that's the only lie I told you." I looked back up at him. "I didn't realize it, but you might have a few wrong assumptions about me though. Signe and Jack did. I said I'd never dated much, right?" 

Mark nodded, his eyes soft as he watched me. "Yeah, babe. It's okay. Really." 

I swallowed, then grinned. "Well, both of them kind of assumed not much was still a lot more than it really was. I've never had a boyfriend before. Ever. I've only ever dated guys for one or two dates usually. A few made it to three of four, but even then, nothing really happened. Neither they, nor I, was really interested in pursuing anything but a friendship, if even that, except for the guy who kidnapped me." I shivered and hugged myself, then looked at Mark, to see if he was connecting the dots. 

He looked surprised and a little confused. "O-kay. Well, I guess that... Wait. Babe, what aren't you saying? I feel like I'm missing something important in this, that's just barely beyond what I'm understanding." 

I blushed and met his eyes. "Mark, baby, you're the first guy... The first person I ever slept with, willingly. For a long time, I wasn't ready. Then there wasn't anyone who really sparked my interest. I thought for a long time I wasn't ever going to find someone who was interested in me who I was also going to be able to share anything intimate with, but you just swept in and... I didn't even think about being nervous or scared the first time. Then, we had already crossed that first scary part, the part that might have caused me problems if I had sat down and thought about it, so I knew I'd be okay. It helped me a lot that you checked with me and let me take the lead so much." 

Mark looked at me, his jaw dropped slightly, staring at me unblinking for a long minute. "You... You were for all intents and purposes a virgin? I mean, I had no idea." 

I blushed a little brighter. "Yeah, well. I guess? But not really. Not technically." I looked down. "Not because of my own choice though. My first therapist, the one I saw in college, told me I might, someday, far in the future, just feel like acting out sexually, but I seriously doubt she was right. She was wrong about a bunch of things with me. She told me I'd get over my anxieties, on my own, as time passed. And that I'd probably never find a man who I completely trusted." I looked back up, into Mark's eyes. "But I haven't gotten better on my own. If anything I've gotten worse. Bottling things up, walling them away, like she helped me do, just makes them worse when they do resurface. You help me deal with them in better, healthy ways. And I do trust a few men. You and Jack are at the top of that list. My brothers, and a few of my friends are on there as well. I never really lost faith in them, like she seemed to think I had, or should have. She also thought my suicide attempt was a step forward in my treatment, not a horrible, trauma-inducing, mistake." I shook my head again. "I should have found a new therapist after she told me that." 

Mark smiled at me. "Babe, I'm glad you feel like you're getting better. I can see how much happier you seem, just since I first started talking to you, all those weeks ago. Truthfully, I thought you were a pretty sunny person even then." 

I laughed softly, feeling something like a bubble of pure sunshine lodging in my heart. "Thanks, Mark. I really try. I need to help promote as much positive energy into the world as I can, to help make up for all the negative out there. I've seen what the bad can do. I feel like I have to fight it, even just by making other people feel better. That's why I'm so insistent on keeping my channel and social media accounts so upbeat and positive. My community seems to have taken up the battle cry now as well. It has a ripple effect, have you noticed? People I have never met are out in the world, smiling at other people, doing a thousand little acts of kindness, crediting me. I saw it on the news the other night. There are groups all around the world, wearing either my channel logo or one of my icons from online, in sticker form usually, going around their communities doing public service projects or 'good neighbor' events. One city in South America had a day of peace, dedicating it to me, where everyone just sat in the town square and helped whoever needed it, in whatever way they could. Those who could cook or bake took charge of that. The people who could weave, sew, or had more cloth than they needed helped make or mend clothes. People with specialized skills used them to the benefit of the whole town, not just themselves. No money changed hands all day. And anyone who didn't have a specific skill, helped wherever they could, acting as gophers or just extra eyes and hands. They sent me videos from the event. I've never seen so many happy faces in one place." 

Mark nodded. I heard about that last night on the five o'clock news. It made the news in LA babe. Over the usual crime and death stories. You're making a big difference. I'm so proud of you." He smiled at me again. "I wish I could just hug you close and cover you in kisses to show you how proud I am, but that will have to wait until you get here. Twelve days. Twelve days until I can hold you in my arms again." 

I smiled ruefully. "I know, babe. I have a countdown calendar as well. Actually, I have a countdown timer up. It's just over two hundred seventy two hours until my flight leaves. But I'm going to be asleep of a bunch of those hours, or busy working, eating, getting ready to go, in therapy, or just distracting myself with whatever else I have going on." 

Mark smiled. "And some of those hours are going to be spent talking to me. As many as we can both stand, I hope. So, my perfect, sexy, gorgeous lover, what did you buy while you were out shopping? Anything good? Was it food shopping? Clothes? Electronics? What did you do? I want to hear about that part of the day too. And maybe see some of your purchases." 

I grinned. "Well, it was clothes shopping. I got some clothes to bring to LA, for you to hang on to for me, so I can have things every time I visit without needing to load up and possibly forgetting things. A few pairs of shorts, some jeans, a couple of skirts, some dresses and outfits for when I have to make public appearances, both dressier ones and more casual, and some new shoes for the same. Do you want to see? I can even model everything for you, if you want. Oh, and I got some other things as well. Some sexy bedtime outfits, just for you. Though, those might be more fun to keep a surprise until we see each other. What do you think?" 

Mark grinned wolfishly. "Nope. I want to see my smoking hot, babe of a girlfriend model everything she bought for me. You definitely raised my interest. Among other things." 

I giggled. "My, my, Markimoo. Is someone getting uncomfortable?" He blushed and shook his head as I leaned closer to the microphone and dropped my voice. "Can't have that love. If you need to, hmm, relieve the pressure, so to speak, while you watch me, I won't be mad." 

Mark just grinned at me. "You're cheating again, babe. I can't think straight when you talk like that." 

I chuckled throatily. "That's kind of the point. Now, get comfortable, sweetheart. Your girlfriend is going to model some clothes and shoes for you. On camera. Oh, and I'm not stepping off camera to change either." I winked and blew him a kiss. 

Mark groaned. "You're going to kill me, babe. I'll die of a heart attack from too much sexy beauty in front of me, but out of reach." 

I giggled. "Well, how do you think I feel? I watched you strip and change clothes earlier, last night for you, then watched you fall asleep, and then had to spend the whole day with that in the back of my mind. Turnabout is fair play, sweetie. Now, seriously, get comfy. I would suggest you sit in a soft chair and take your pants off. I wouldn't mind seeing you with no shirt either. You're the sexiest man I could ever imagine, so watching you have a good time is going to be a lot of fun for me too." I grinned at him. "I guess we will be having some Skype sex dates after all. I should have guessed we couldn't hold out two weeks." 

Mark laughed. "You know, [Y/N], normally I can go a lot longer without even thinking about sex. You just short circuit my brain and all I can think about sometimes is you, how good you feel, how soft your skin is, how lush your curves and body are, the things I'd like to do to you, with you, and the little noises you'll make when I do. Hell, I even fantasize about the sexy way you bite your lip when I'm talking sometimes and you're getting excited. Like now. It makes me want to just reach over and kiss you, sucking gently on the slightly swollen flesh, soothing the skin and still making you feel so, so good at the same time. And I want to nip, suck, and lick my way along your jaw, down your neck, occasionally pausing to suck a little deeper and harder, then kiss it better before moving on, tasting all the sweet skin I can on you before I get to your shoulder, where I would work my way along your collarbones, taking my time, tasting how sweet and perfect you are, all the while running my hands up and down your back and bottom, slowly, feeling every inch of your warm, soft, flesh. You make me dizzy from wanting you so much baby, and the smell, the taste, the look, and the feel of you is burned into my soul in a way I can't explain. You're what I see behind my eyelids when I close my eyes every night. You give me the hottest sexual fantasies I've ever had in my life, then manage to put them all in the dust when we are together." He shook his head, his eyes dilated with lust. My own knees were weak as water as I sat frozen in place, lost in the picture he was painting, so hot and bothered I could practically feel his mouth, hands, tongue, breath skittering along my skin. My tongue darted out from between my lips, trying to draw moisture to my suddenly very dry lips and mouth as I swallowed again. Mark moaned softly. "You're killing me, babe. That was a very sexy lick of your lips and you look so turned on right now. You just look ready for me to reach out and kiss." 

I blinked a few times, then shot Mark a very sinful look, full of promise, intent, and sex. He started to squirm in place. "Two can play at that game, mister. Do you know what I've been thinking about doing to you all day? Hmm? Ever since I watched you fall asleep, I've been wanting to curl up into your warm presence, wrapping your arms around me and just touch you. I want to run soft hands all up and down the planes of your chest and pepper soft kisses, gentle licks, and a few scattered love bites up and down your chest and stomach before I reach over and gently lower your pants, then work my way up your lovely legs, kissing and nipping everywhere, especially behind your knees and on your inner thighs. Then, an inch at a time, I want to lower your boxers, kissing, licking, touching, _loving_ every new centimeter of skin as it comes into view. By the time your boxers clear your rock hard dick, you'll be panting, squirming, begging me in your prettiest, most broken, sexiest voice, begging me, 'Please, please, please.' And I'll help you. I'll kiss you once, twice, three times as deeply as I can, our tongues mating together as I gently tease, stroke, and cup your balls and cock, making you feel so, so good. I'd run my nails, ever so lightly over the veins on the underside of your cock and over the slit on the head of your member, just the way you like. Then, without letting you catch your breath, I'll suddenly lean forward and swallow you up, taking as much in my mouth as I can, bobbing up and down, bobbing on your dick, making your toes curl into the carpet under your feet, all the while gently fondling your balls and occasionally flicking a finger on one of your nipples, teasing them to full excitement. I'll use my lips, teeth, and tongue to drive you wild, sucking your cock until you see stars, focused entirely on making you feel so, so good. And when you cum, I'll swallow every drop down, then lick you clean and start over, making you feel wonderful all over again." 

Mark moaned and I heard his pants hit the floor. He shifted in his seat as I talked, squirming as I described what I wanted to do. "Ungh. Oh baby, I'm so close, just listening to you. Please, keep talking. What else would you do to me?" I saw him start stroking himself, gently, and fondling his balls. I grinned. 

"Well, Mark. After I got you fully hard again, I'd shift focus, drawing myself back up along your smoking hot body, creating thousands of tiny points of friction between us, stopping my mouth over your nipples to pay them proper attention, the way I know you like, before capturing your mouth, and all the amazing noises you're making, with my own. I would make out with you, aggressively, as I ground on you, teasing your dick with my soaking wet womanhood. Then when I thought you couldn't take it anymore, I'd slide over you, onto you, pressing your wonderful hardness into my soft heat, my hands holding yours as I rode you like a wild woman, seeking that magical spot, trying to make the angle, speed, and rhythm perfect for both of us. And when we both came, I'd fall, limply, into your warm embrace, cuddling you close, feeling breathless, boneless, and so, so happy. Then I'd just hold you until morning, or until one of us needed to get up, whichever came first." Mark was breathing hard, his hand still stroking himself, faster than before, a look of intense pleasure on his face. I leaned forward, watching him, oddly excited by seeing him pleasure himself. "That's it sweetie, make yourself feel really good while I watch. Mmm, you're so sexy like this, all hard muscle, a look of concentration on your face. Even the way you sweat is sexy." 

Mark huffed out a laugh and moaned. "I'm, ungh, glad you're enjoying yourself too. Oh god. I need more." I shifted in my seat again, then looked directly into Mark's eyes. He had them half closed as he chased his orgasm. I moaned, feeling my own orgasm building just from watching him, seeing how much pleasure he was getting. I suddenly felt far too hot and stood up just long enough to strip out of my pants. I sat back down, squirming a little to get comfy. Mark's eyes were now opened wide as he watched me. "Baby, you're so sexy. I love watching you move. Hhnn. So pretty." Mark panted and grunted. 

I smiled at him, suddenly having an idea. "Mark, baby, just relax and keep those beautiful eyes on me, okay? I'm going to do a little striptease for you and maybe show you a few of my new outfits now. You just keep doing what's you're doing. And please, baby, let me hear how good you feel. You're making me feel so good too, just from hearing all those lovely sounds you make. I love you." Mark nodded, his eyes never leaving my face as he got a better rhythm going. I reached over and grabbed my new purchases. I dumped them on the chair, just off camera and found the one I was looking for, a soft, slippery, lacy, sheer nightie in purple satin. I pulled it over to the couch along with my new purple heels, which were actually incredibly sexy when not paired with long pants. I held them up to show Mark. "I got these shoes just for us, Mark. They look so sexy on me, and feel so nice on. And they match that dress I wore at PAX, you know the one, and one of the new lingerie items I bought with you in mind. Want to see it? Just nod or shake your head if you don't want to use words, sweetie." 

Mark groaned. "Show me. God yes. I need... I... I need to see, pl-ease. Ungh. You're so sexy..." I smiled and slowly slipped my tee shirt off over my head. Mark swallowed convulsively, then closed his eyes and moaned, sounding like pure sin. I panted a little. He kept his eyes closed for a minute. "More. Please." I reached back and undid my bra, sliding it silently off my body and stood up, stripping out of my panties now as well. As soon as I was naked, I reached down and grabbed the sexy nightie and slid it on, moaning as the slippery cool satin hit my overheated skin, making my nipples in particular go crazy. Mark opened his eyes to see what made me make that sound and nearly choked. "Good god, [Y/N]. You look... you look like the sexiest angel in the world. Holy... Hguhh." With one final pump and squeeze, Mark came, forcefully and for longer than either of us expected. When he finally finished, he slumped back, boneless, breathless. I smiled at him, tiredly, having had an orgasm of my own from watching and hearing him ride that one out. Eventually he sat up and made a face. "Wait right there, babe. I need to go clean up real fast." I nodded, still worn out and yawned. Mark came back a few minutes later, wearing clean clothes, his hair damp from a fast shower. "God, that was the hottest sex I've ever had by myself. I mean, uh..." 

I chuckled and sat up. "Mark, sweetie, I understand what you meant. It was intense. For both of us. This negligee needs washing now, heh. Anyway, do you still want to see the rest of my clothes, or do you need to get going? Oh, and one other thing. My family doesn't know about my dating history. They kind of think I've had serious boyfriends in the past, like Dave told you. Um, I lied to them because they were pressuring me a lot, thinking that was a sign I was getting better, not knowing it was making me panic to even think about having a boyfriend at that point. Please, don't tell them. I really don't want them to worry or be sad about something they didn't know was going on." 

Mark smiled at me again. "I did wonder about that a little. How did you get the same guy to agree to pretend to be dating you for a year?" 

I chuckled. "He's one of my friends, and he's gay, in a committed relationship, but hadn't come out to his family either. So we would show each other off to the families, like we were dating, but we both knew nothing would ever even possibly happen and why. I was sad when he moved away, settling down in Massachusetts, to get married. He came out to his family before he moved and I helped him explain everything to his family, that he never lied to me and he had been seriously dating his then fiancé since before we lied to them. They were pretty okay with everything, eventually, and I'm still friends with Tommy now. I wish I had been able to stop and visit him while I was in Boston, but he was busy and I was too busy to get away either, then it was time to leave and you were coming home with me..." I sighed. "I would have rather spent the time with you anyway sweetheart. Tommy would totally understand that. Actually, he did understand, when I told him. I didn't tell him who I am online, or who you were, just that I was spending all my extra time with my new boyfriend." I smiled at Mark. "I love calling you that. And telling my friends. I just wish I knew for sure what I was doing, in the relationship. It's part of why I get so nervous and anxious about things sometimes. I don't mean to be clueless, but I don't know how to react or what to expect or do. I can't plan ahead very well. I don't know what guys even like." 

Mark raised a hand. "Hey, hey, hey. Calm down, babe. You _do_ know what I like. You do it without even thinking about it. Don't worry. And truth be told, I like everything you do, because it's you doing it. I love the fact that you think about me so much though. I'm not good about thinking about my girlfriends so much, or at least I haven't been in the past. But you're different. We can work this part out, together. And I love showing you off to all my friends too, even if we don't tell them all what you do or who your online persona is. Tyler said he can't wait to meet you in person, when I was helping him move in yesterday. Ethan, one of my new editors, gets here this afternoon, and he wants to meet you too. He's already following you on Twitter, YouTube, and Tumblr. He has a channel too, CrankGameplays." 

I grinned. "I'll look him up before I get there then. Now, what are your plans for the day? I need to go get some dinner before too long, then work on packing a few things to ship ahead to you. Sweetie, would you mind if I got a second computer, mic, and camera and had my own setup at your place? I mean, it would be easier since I plan to spend so much time there." 

Mark blinked, then smiled. "Of course, babe. Whatever you want. What can I do to help from here?" 

I smiled back. "Well, I'm going to order the parts online for the system, which I'll build when I get there, unless I just buy a really high end laptop and beef it up, in which case, I'll have fewer parts shipped to you. Oh, I'll have the second microphone shipped to you too, and the camera. I think I might go with higher quality ones and maybe see how I like them. If I like what I get, I'll buy some better ones for here in Ireland too. Then my current ones will just be for when I travel somewhere outside of LA and Athlone. Now that YouTube has been paying me for a little while now, I've got plenty in my bank account to upgrade my equipment. Honestly, I'm a little surprised by how much I'm getting. Plus, I have a lot saved up from before." I blushed. "I barely spend any money on anything now anyway, other than things like food, rent, and paying my bills. But I've been paid well for work ever since I got to Ireland and I already had a pretty nice chunk of money saved up before that, so I can buy whatever I need pretty easily." 

Mark nodded, grinning at me. "And somehow I think electronics are where you splurge when you do spend money." 

I laughed, blushing faintly. "Yeah, pretty much. Or on games. But since I need those for work now... I guess they would be a business expense? I don't really know how that works. Anyway, I'll go online in a bit and start getting the new stuff spec'd out and sent to you. Oh, and I'm shipping a box or two of clothes to you tomorrow, just so I can avoid the extra luggage fees. They are a hell of a lot higher than even overseas rush shipping. Now, before I go get my dinner for the night and do a few more things, do you want to see the rest of the clothes I got, or do you want to wait?" 

Mark smiled and ducked his head, looking a little chagrined. "Um, maybe wait and surprise me. Otherwise neither of us is going to get anything done and we'll just end up making a mess again. Not that I mind that, but Tyler is going to be coming over in about fifteen minutes, and I REALLY don't think he needs to see that. So I'm going to wish you a good evening. Call me back if you can't sleep, okay babe? We can talk or something until you fall asleep once you're in bed, like you did for me last night." 

"Okay sweetheart. I promise. Now, have a good day Mark. I'll talk to you soon. Bye babe!" 

"Bye [Y/N]! Sweet dreams, love!" With that the call ended. I sighed and closed Skype for the moment, heading back to the back of my apartment and changing into night clothes, throwing the nightie I was in into the washer along with some other clothes I wanted to take to LA. I grabbed a big box and a roll of tape, heading back for the living room, where I promptly packed all my new purchases, save the new jeans and two new tees. I went into the kitchen and made myself some dinner, fajitas and rice, then brought the food out to the living room to watch some TV before I finished packing. I turned on Cutthroat Kitchen and settled back in my seat, balancing my laptop on one knee and my plate on the other as I found what I wanted to buy, electronic-wise, ate my food, and watched the show. By the end of the second full episode, I had found what I wanted, ordered it, and was just finishing my dinner. I shut the TV back off, cleaned up from dinner, and headed back to the back half of my apartment again, finishing the laundry first, while I organized what else I was taking to LA. Pretty soon I was all packed, my suitcases ready with everything I wouldn't need before the trip, the box of clothes ready to ship in the morning, and a to-do list taped to the door spelling out exactly what I needed to do between now and when my flight left. By then, I was pretty tired, so after yet another enormous yawn, I went back to the living room, shutting everything down for the night. When I got to my computer, I sent Mark a fast message, telling him I was really tired and going back to bed, so not to worry and I would talk to him when I got up or sometime tomorrow. He sent back an immediate kissy emoji and wished me sweet dreams again. I smiled and shut my computer down, then headed back for bed, sliding easily into sleep. 

As I drifted off to sleep, my last thoughts of the day were simply how fast the day had actually gone, even with missing Mark. Sleep over whelmed my brain then, leaving me sound asleep with a smile on my face, dreaming about Mark and the eleven days left until we would be together. Not that I was counting or anything... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the very, very long delay here. Life has been kicking the shit the shit out of me lately, between dealing with all the crap from my Dad dying, a torn shoulder muscle, over 40 doctors appointments between the months of March, April, and May, and being hospitalized for almost a week for an infection, twice now, means I haven't been able to spend much time writing. And to be honest, one of my other stories took over my brain after a reader comment. 
> 
> Also, my chapters are a lot longer later, in the 15000- 20000+ word ranges, so they are going to take a hell of a lot longer than a 3000 or less word chapter. Sorry, but it's true. Anyway, here's the new chapter. 
> 
> Oh, and if anyone cares, it's been just over a year since I started writing on this site. My first big story, _**On The Other Side Of The Camera**_ , had it's first chapter go up on 5/28, and my very first story went up on 5/19 (My indefinitely delayed non-YouTuber fiction --sigh). My first Youtuber fiction went up on 5/25. Nearly a million words and one year later, nearly 40,000 hits, and just over 1,400 Kudos later, I'm still working on most of my stories, except the shorts (and the two on indefinite hold) and one I finished. I feel like that's pretty damn good. :)
> 
> Now betaed by Shae_Renuel. Thank you! (2/7/2018)


	25. Surprise! *

I spent the next few days in a flurry of activity, recording more videos, answering more social media at all times of the day and night, and getting my life in order for the trip to LA than I had ever thought possible. I managed to squeeze in recording between five and eight videos every day, not counting my vlogs. And I recorded a number of collabs with Jack one day, Felix another, and Mark on yet another. My video backlog was full to capacity again, even if I extended my stay in LA to three weeks, I would have more than enough. It felt good to be ahead again and interacting with not only my community, but my friends and their communities as well. And more talk show offers were pouring in all the time. I hadn't responded to those requests yet, other than to ask for a little time to consider them and a sincere thanks for extending the offer to me in the first place. 

Before I knew it, it was two days before my flight was supposed to leave. It started off an ordinary, if busy, day, just like the last two weeks had been full of. By nine am, I had already talked to Mark for several hours before he went to bed, answered social media, and was puttering around, trying to decide what to do for the day. Just as I finished clearing away the last of the dishes from breakfast, my cell phone rang. I pulled it out, catching it just before it went to voicemail. "Hello? ...Yes, this is [Y/N]. ...Yes, I do have a ticket booked for the non-stop flight to LA that leaves the day after tomorrow. ...Um, actually, no I can't fly out later. And I'm already booked for first class, so you can't bump me up to a better seat class. Look, is there some problem?" I stopped and listened. The airline stated they had a plane that was malfunctioning and needed repair, so the flight I was scheduled to leave on was severely overbooked. "I see. Is there another flight that leaves sooner that you could book me on?" 

The airline representative went quiet for a moment. I could hear rapid typing on the other end. "Actually, miss, it looks like there is a flight out of Dublin, with a two hour layover in Brighton. It flies out to London then non-stop to LA. It leaves at noon from Dublin. Can you make that flight? We will also be happy to give you a ticket for a free flight anywhere in the world within the next six months with our airline." 

I blinked and looked at the time. Nine fifteen. I mentally calculated. An hour and a half to get to the airport, an hour to get through security. That gave me about fifteen minutes to finish packing and get out the door. "Um, that's cutting it a tiny bit close, but I think I can do it. That would work for me. Thank you." 

The representative sighed with relief and the smile was clear in her voice. "Thank you for your help with this miss. A special attendant will be on the lookout for you at the airport to assist you further, and of course, your luggage will be flying free with us today and for your return trip. We look forward to providing service to you now and in the future. Have a wonderful day and thank you again!" 

As soon as she hung up the phone, I jumped into action, running over to Jack's and Signe's apartment, knocking twice. Signe blinked at me as she answered the door. "[Y/N]? What are you doing here this early? Is everything alright?" 

I grinned. "I need a favor. I just got a call from the airline and my flight got moved to today at noon. Can you drive me to Dublin? I can get packed in about ten minutes if you don't mind. I kind of hate to ask, but this way you can use my car while I'm gone." 

Signe smiled. "Sure, sweetie. Just let me tell Jack. I'm happy to help you. I'm just surprised is all. What happened that made them change the flight?" 

I chuckled. "I'll tell you on the drive. Thank you so much for driving me. I have to finish packing up now. Thank god I'm somewhat neurotic about being ahead on everything and overpreparing. I have videos already queued up for today. Oh, and can you and Jack please use the last of my milk and eggs while I'm gone? I don't have much food in my fridge, but everything else can hold until I get back." 

Signe nodded. "Sure. I kind of feel like we should owe you a few favors though, for loaning us your car and giving us food. I'm going to miss you while you're gone, you know. How long are you going to be in LA for anyway? You never said, exactly." 

I nodded. "Signe, I'm really going to miss you too. I'll be gone at least two full weeks, unless something comes up or goes really wrong. If you need to get in touch, call my cell, or Mark. I'm staying with him for my whole visit." I smiled. "Holy shit, I get Mark all to myself for two extra days, guilt free. I was going to call him and tell him I was on my way, but I think I wanna surprise him. If Jack talks to him, can he not spoil the surprise? Maybe if it comes up, just have him tell Mark I've buried myself in packing, video prep, and therapy. I'll text him from the plane, as much as I can. Oh, I'm so excited!" 

Signe laughed. "Sweetie, I can tell. Now, run home and throw the rest of what you need in bags and let's go. I'll go tell Sean what's going on while you finish up. You better hurry though." I nodded and bounced off at high speed, running through my apartment, grabbing my helmet, my heels, my medications, and a few final things I hadn't put in my suitcases or carry on yet. I loaded my laptop, tablet, cell phone, and cables in the carry on with my helmet, and plopped my bags down by the door. My heels were in the bottom of my carry on as well, just in case the rest of my bags went astray. Between everything, I had four bags, including one that was just more stuff to leave with Mark. I grabbed my car keys, did one more fast run through my apartment, to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything important or left any water or lights on, and came back to the front door, grabbing all my bags and lugging them out to my car. I was never more grateful all my luggage had wheels and sturdy handles than I was now. I just finished loading everything when Signe and Jack showed up. I smiled at the two of them. 

Jack came over and gave me a hug. "Hey, ye can't slip off like this without saying a proper goodbye, lass. I'm going ta miss ye too, ye know. Now, have fun with Mark, and call us, both of us, if ye want ta talk, or even just ta say hello." 

I nodded and grinned. "Jack, I promise, I will call both of you while I'm away. And Mark and I are going to want to collaborate with you still, while I'm over there. And of course I'll miss you too. But I'm going to be super busy, so I may not be focused on thinking about home. I wish Mark lived closer to all of us." I blew out a sigh. "Good thing my sleep habits are already so weird. No one's going to think twice about me being too quiet on social media or too active while I'm on the plane. It's going to be a hell of a long flight." 

Jack winked at me. "Ye don't fool me for a second. Ye aren't going ta mind. Hell, ye'll be bouncing yer ass all over tha plane, too excited ta stay in tha seat most of tha flight. Send one of us a text when ye land. We'll be watching for it. Have a safe trip." 

"Bye Jack. Talk to you soon." I waved one last time as he headed back up to his apartment, probably to work. I turned back to Signe. "Let's go." She nodded and climbed in the passenger's seat. I hopped in the driver's seat and started the car. We chatted comfortably the whole way to the airport, the drive seeming to pass far faster than I had expected. When we got there, I hugged Signe goodbye as soon as I got my luggage out, so neither of us would have to pay to park, and waved goodbye as she pulled away. I walked over to the nearest ticket counter and told the attendant behind the counter my name. 

He smiled and nodded, handed me a small stack of vouchers, coupons, gift cards, and finally my ticket. "Here you are miss. Compliments of the airline to make up for the confusion and inconvenience to you. The vouchers and gift cards are good for any of the restaurants at any of the airports listed in the pamphlet we included. We have a personal concierge service for you, including express check through security and a personal assistant to cart your luggage. Please accept a free drink from the coffee shop near the first class lounge here in Dublin, as an additional apology." 

I smiled at him. "Wow. You guys are really bending over backwards to make this change as smooth and easy as you could. Thanks." 

He grinned at me. "To tell you the truth miss, you're the first reasonable person we've talked to about this. Everyone else has been very demanding and insists that someone else be bumped or that they have to be on that specific flight. Apparently some celebrity is supposed to be flying on it, in disguise or something. There's a whole website dedicated to it. I don't follow them, but I know a lot of other people do." 

I blinked as the bottom dropped out of my stomach. I tried to sound normal as my blood froze, and asked as casually as I could who he meant. "Oh? Who's the celebrity? Do you know?" 

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, that big new YouTuber, [Y/Y/N]. I have no idea why people think she's flying that day, but everyone I know seems sure." 

I nodded, still smiling politely. "Well, thanks for all your help. I better get moving. The flight won't wait just because I'm talking to someone." He grinned and waved me off as he moved to help the person who had just walked up to the counter. Meanwhile, I was fighting off a major panic attack. The person assigned to assist me came over and hauled my bags over to baggage check, except my carry on, which I refused to let go. I was checked through security in record time and the assistant even got me the drink from the coffee shop, a large coconut, chocolate, and banana smoothie. I sipped carefully, trying to distract myself until the plane started boarding, trying to prevent the panic attack I felt threatening in my chest and swirling in my brain. It wasn't working too well though, so I decided to call for help. I looked at the time, eleven thirty five. It was three thirty five in the morning in LA. Too early to call Mark. I called Jack instead, knowing Signe would be driving home. Jack picked up immediately. "Hey lass, what's wrong? I didn't expect ta hear from ye until after ye landed, and certainly not before ye even took off. What happened?" 

"Jack, someone found out she was going to be on that other flight. It's online. They don't know who she really is, but I'm scared never the less." 

Jack went silent. "How do ye know, lass? I don't doubt ye, I just want ta know how ye found this out. And by she ye mean [y/y/n], right? And ye are worried someone will overhear us too." 

"The airline ticket counter person. He and I were talking and he mentioned it. It's causing a problem for the airline. No one wants to re-book and miss seeing her. And yes, that's who I meant. How the hell did this get out? I haven't talked about it much, to anyone." I closed my eyes, suddenly feeling dizzy. 

Jack must have known I was starting to spiral. "Easy lass. Just take a deep breath. Ye can do it. Nice and steady. In and out. In, and out. That's it, just keep following tha sound of my voice. I want ye ta wrap yer arms around yerself and give yerself a hug too. It'll help calm ye down. Just keep breathing, in and out. There ye go. Ye're safe. No one knows who ye haven't told. Do ye need me ta check and see what was posted?" 

"Y-yes. Please." 

"Okay lass. Just keep breathing. Yer doing so good. And before ye know it ye'll be on yer way ta Mark. By this time tomorrow, ye can be cuddled up in his arms. Focus on that." I did and it calmed me considerably. My breathing steadied and the worst of the panic faded to manageable levels. I could hear Jack better too, no longer fighting my brain for control. "Okay, it looks like it was conjecture. Somebody guessed ye'd be on that flight because Mark said ye'd be getting there that day. That's tha only nonstop flight from Dublin for a few days. Hmm. Somebody went ta all tha trouble ta list all tha flights ye might take that day or tomorrow that had layovers and would have ye in LA on tha same day too. Well, tha good news is I think this is just a case of tha fans digging a little too deep, not anyone actually knowing anything lass." 

I calmed the rest of the way down. "Thank god. Sorry to be so freaked out over basically nothing, Jack. This just hit me really hard. I managed to get through security and find a quiet corner alone, but I was falling apart at the seams. And I didn't want to call Mark and wake him up if I could get help closer by. I hated to bother you, but I knew Signe was still going to be driving home. Well, I better let you get back to your videos. I didn't mess up a recording session did I?" 

Jack just laughed. "Easy there, [Y/N]. I hadn't started tha next video yet. I was actually on a break. I just finished thumbnailing tha videos for today and tomorrow and was going ta stop for a bit, answer some comments and social media, and grab a bite for lunch. I'm glad I could help ye calm down. Ye sound a load better now. And remember what we told ye, we don't mind helping ye when ye need it, even if it messes something up a bit. That's what editing is for. Now, do ye want ta stay on tha phone with me until ye need ta hang up ta board or yer flight takes off? Or do ye want ta have me go?" 

I smiled softly. "You can go, Jack. Go make your lunch and answer social media. I should do the same. And seriously, thank you." 

"Anytime, lass. ANY time, seriously. Talk ta ye soon. Oh, and have a good flight! Bye." 

"Bye Jack." I sighed as I disconnected from the call, feeling calmer again. Then I had an idea. I grinned and looked at my phone again. It was so tempting... I decided to do it. I was going to call Felix, since I would be flying into Brighton anyway, and see if he had a free hour to meet up, before I had to be back at the airport to wait for my next flight. It would be fun, and a great way to distract myself, if he could slip away. I sent him a quick text and waited. A minute later I grinned when I saw his answer. He would love to come see me. He suggested we meet for lunch at the airport, to give us more time to hang out together, and a way to do so that meant I didn't have to go through security again. I readily agreed. Security was a lot less of a hassle over here than in the US, but I would still rather avoid the extra stress if I could. Felix told me he'd find my flight on the board and meet me at the gate. I sent back a thumbs up, just as the flight attendant came back to escort first class from the lounge to the plane. Before long, I was settled in the seat and we were taxiing down the runway and I was on my way to Mark. I stayed focused on that thought or thoughts of him whenever I started to think about people taking Mark's comment about when I was arriving and using it to track my movements. 

The flight to Brighton was short and landed on time. I didn't have to do anything about my luggage except grab my carry on. As soon as I stepped off the plane and out into the airport, it suddenly all felt real. In a few hours, okay quite a few hours really, I would be at Mark's house, sitting on his furniture, cuddled up with him. It brought a smile to my face, brighter than I realized as I felt a surge of energy and bounced around, looking for Felix. It took me a few minutes to spot him. He still hadn't spotted me, and I suddenly realized he hadn't seen me with my new haircut or color. I smirked to myself and bounded over to him. No one was really paying any attention to him, or to my relief, to me, so when I snuck up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder he jumped and swore in Swedish, spinning around fast. It took him several seconds to recognize me while he just stood there, blinking owlishly. I giggled, which clued him in. "Jesus. You'd think for somebody as big as you are, you'd make more noise. And nice hair, by the way. When did you do that?" 

I laughed. "Hi Fe. I changed my hair about a week and a half ago. I forgot to tell you though. Sorry about that. I still thought you would have spotted me though. The airport doesn't seem all that busy. And was that a comment about my height or my weight?" 

Felix grinned. "Well, I did see you, but I didn't recognize it was you. The hair threw me off. Um, plus I was looking for you in the heels you wear when you're dressed as..." He stopped and gestured. 

I just grinned and nodded. "Well, I'm here. I've never actually been to Brighton before. Maybe on one of these international trips, I can take a day or two and visit properly. Not this time though. The next leg of my flight leaves in two hours." I chuckled again. "Then I've got a really short layover in London before I'm off to see Mark. I'm so excited!" I bounced happily and barely kept from clapping and jumping in place. 

Felix laughed. "God, you're like an overgrown toddler. It's sickeningly adorable." 

I grinned at him. "Oh, this is nothing. I can be even cuter. You have no idea." I batted my eyes. "Not that I'm not always fucking adorable." 

Felix choked and laughed. "My god. No wonder you hide your face online." I just giggled and swatted his arm, lightly. He led me off to a restaurant and we sat down to eat. A few minutes later, Marzia joined us. We had a wonderfully relaxed meal, with lots of goofing around and jokes and the food was excellent. By the time we paid and headed out, it was time for me to get back on a plane. Felix came over and hugged me, one armed. "Glad to see you aren't holing yourself up, pining, if you aren't right at your boyfriend's side all the time. And you should definitely come visit us for a longer stay one of these days. Maybe even drag your neighbors and boyfriend over. Oddly enough, they are okay people too." 

I chuckled. "You just want me to boost your numbers. Are you going to beg me for subscribers on a video, or create a second channel with my name and the number two, like you did to Jack? I think it might annoy my fans. And they outnumber the bro army Felix. Not that I'd approve of them hurting anyone or anything, but..." 

Felix shook his head at me. "Yeah, I'm afraid to do that. Besides you could just verbally destroy me at a game, or embarrass me. I know better than to try to cross you. I even heard you baked someone a hot sauce surprise cupcake. You, I don't mess with." 

I giggled. "Good. Have a good rest of the day! I'll call you soon, okay? Bye. Bye Marzia." I waved them off as I walked back over to the boarding area, only to be lead immediately onto the plane. I sighed as I got settled and pulled out my phone, answering social media until the plane took off. After we could turn our devices back on, I logged onto the WiFi and kept answering Twitter messages and tweets until it was time to depart from London. I hadn't even needed to change planes. I went through the whole process of waiting until we were given the all clear, then hopped back on social media, this time heading to YouTube and answering comments for a few hours. By about seven o'clock, four hours into the flight or so, I was starting to get hungry again. I logged off YouTube just as the dinner options were being offered to first class. I chose the fish, and ate my dinner, lost in thought. It had been a long day already, and I knew I wanted to be fresh when I landed in LA, in just under eight hours. That would make it seven pm there, give or take a little, and from the airport to Mark's house, another forty minutes, from what he had told me. So I could try to nap a little now, to be awake when we landed, tough it out until I got to Mark's place and risk immediately falling asleep on him, or sleep fully on the flight and be awake all night in LA. I blew out a sigh. Napping or staying awake were really my only options. I was way too awake to sleep at the moment anyway. I lingered long over my food, thinking and not really eating much, my nerves and excitement tying my stomach in knots, then went back to my laptop after my tray was finally clean and I returned it to the flight attendant. I decided to see if Mark wanted to chat for a while. He wasn't online at the moment however, so I just logged on to Overwatch and started playing. I managed to completely lose myself in the game until I saw both Jack and Signe come on and start playing. We formed a team and got really into it, playing until Jack had to log off. I blinked in surprise when I saw how long I had actually been playing and what time it was. I only had about an hour left on the flight. I was still feeling super awake though, so I decided to go offline and just read until we landed. Then I could hail a cab, give them the address, and load my bags. I'd be able to just chill and read until I got to Mark's house after that. 

And that's exactly what I did. My bags were easy to spot and once again, the airport was supplying me with a personal assistant, who had already summoned a taxi and gathered the bags up for me as soon as I pointed them out. They helped me load my things in the car and waved as it pulled away. I grinned and gave the driver the address. He nodded and plugged it into his GPS unit. The device told us we would arrive at our destination in twenty five minutes, with current traffic conditions. I blinked. I thought Mark had told me it would take forty minutes? I got my phone out and texted Jack, just letting him know I had landed safely, sending the same message to Signe and Felix as well, since they would both be worried. I had mentioned to Felix and Marzia my panic and nerves over the incident at Dublin, and how grateful I really was to be on a different flight with no one else knowing. I also knew all of them were probably asleep, so I didn't expect a reply tonight. After all it was four in the morning at home, or almost! Then I sent a Skype message to Mark, asking him how his day was going. He responded immediately. *Babe? What on earth are you doing up at this hour? It's gotta be almost four AM! Couldn't you sleep? I miss you.* 

I grinned at my phone. *Sweetie, relax, I'm fine. Just full of energy. I tried calling you earlier but you weren't online. What did you get up to today?* 

*Hey, want to video chat with me, cutie? I spent the whole day meeting with my editing team and helping Ethan and Tyler unpack. I'm exhausted and sweaty. I was just going to order some dinner and take a shower, but if you want to talk to me, I'd MUCH rather be doing that. Even if I know you should be asleep.* 

I giggled and looked at the driver, asking him to stop at a Chinese food place somewhere on the way, if we passed one. He smiled and nodded, and I made a mental note to give him a fantastic tip. I turned back to my phone. *Um, how about we just stick to text chat for now, sweetheart. I only have my phone out and I don't want to try to go get my laptop and hook it up at the moment. Besides, this way, if you need to go get a shower, I can wait for you and there's no pressure. How long does food delivery take?* 

I could practically hear Mark's whine when he responded. *Too fucking long. Last time, the place I was going to order from told me it would be ten minutes, if I came and picked it up, but an hour and a half, if I wanted delivery. It's only a block and a half away for god's sake! If I wasn't so tired, I'd just ask for them to make it and I'd go get it, but that involves me getting up. Bleah. I need to sit and unwind more than I need to eat. And I need a shower even more.* 

*What's the name of that takeout place? Maybe we could try them when I get there?* 

*Sure, baby. It's Number One China. They have really good food. I'm so excited to see you in two days! What time do you think you'll get to LA?* 

I giggled again. *Hang on a minute Mark. I want to check a couple of things. I'll be back in a few minutes. Hey, while I look, why don't you go take a nice cool shower. Then you can get dressed in comfy clothes and settle in for a quiet evening with Chica and talk to me some more?* 

*:) Okay. Back in five minutes. That's all the time I can stand to be away from you.* 

*Mark, babe, I promise, I'll be right here, waiting for you. Take your time. Now scoot, mister.* Mark's status changed to away and I looked up at the driver one more time. "Okay, slight change of plans. We're headed to my boyfriend's house, ultimately. It's his address I gave you. But he hasn't eaten yet, so that's why we were going to stop for Chinese food. I have the name of the restaurant he uses, and it's close to his house, so I'm going to call in an order to pick up for him. If you don't mind just stopping there instead of the first place you see, that would be perfect. It's called Number One China." 

The cab driver nodded. "Yeah, I know the area pretty well, and I know where you mean. So there for a pickup and then on to your boyfriend's place, right?" 

I smiled at him. "Yes, please. And I can get my bags myself, if you just wait long enough for me to unload them on his front step. You're awesome!" 

The cabbie blushed and smiled happily at me. I shifted my focus back to my phone and called in a to-go order of food, asking for Mark Fischbach's usual. Fortunately, the cabbie didn't seem to recognize the name, but the restaurant did. I added a few things to the order and was told it would be ready in ten minutes. I thanked them and told them I was on my way. Then I looked at the GPS. The estimated time of arrival should match up almost perfectly, I thought to myself. And indeed it did. The food was just being bagged when I opened the door and I cheerfully paid and was back in the cab, still talking to Mark, within three minutes of the cab pulling up. I asked the driver to park on the street instead of in Mark's driveway when we got there, and before I knew it, I was standing on Mark's front step, texting him I had to go, and knocking on the door, nerves jangling with excitement and anticipation. I heard Mark groan, loudly, footsteps, and a dog bark a few times. I stepped out of immediate view so he would have to open the door to spot me, which he did after a few seconds. I had watched the confusion play across his face when he couldn't see anyone at first, followed by mild irritation, then concern as he opened the door a little wider. He poked his head out and spotted my luggage. His eyebrows went up. He looked even more confused. I bit back a giggle as I stayed out of sight until he stepped all the way out, then I launched myself into his arms. "Mark!" 

Mark's jaw dropped and he staggered slightly, making me giggle between smothering his face in kisses. "Wha-? How?" 

I grinned at him. "Hello baby. Something came up, with the airline, and I got bumped to an earlier flight. I wanted to surprise you. Did it work?" 

Mark nodded, then picked me up completely. "Oh my god, yes! I had no idea you were on your way. This is amazing. I'm so happy to see you! Come on, let's get your stuff inside. I want to hear all about your trip and cuddle with you. Especially cuddle with you. Chica, back up girl. Daddy needs to get past you, girl. You can come say hello in a minute, puppy." I smiled and wrapped my arms around Mark's neck as he carried me in, my carry on dangling down my back. I couldn't stop peppering Mark's face with kisses either. He just smiled like I had given him the best gift in the world and hugged me as close as he could. He carried me in to his living room, then set me down on the couch. "Wait right here. Don't move a muscle. I'll go get your stuff." 

I nodded and bounced in place a little, then settled in, curling my feet up under me and grabbing a pillow. Mark ran back in with all my bags and the bag that had the food. I grinned at him. "Oh yeah, I brought you dinner too. Food and companionship, all in one delivery. Pretty good right?" 

He grinned back at me as he set everything down. Chica came over and sniffed at me, looking curious, but not shy or skittish. Mark laughed. "Babe, I think you're awesome and this is perfect. But how did you know what to get for me? Or did you just guess, based on what I ordered while I was visiting?" 

I giggled. "Nope. I called the restaurant and asked for your usual order. I had the cab stop and pick it up before we stopped here. I think the cabbie liked me. Plus, I tipped really well. Now, come here. I've been missing you for two whole weeks and I want to snuggle close and just feel you here with me. You can eat your dinner while I sit with you, but I need to feel you close by. We need to talk too. Somehow, the fans figured out what flight I was supposed to be on. I found out today, when this whole mess happened. I had a panic attack at the airport, not a bad one, thank god, since I was alone, but it was bad enough. Jack talked me down. But I need to feel you close now. Thinking of you all day was all that kept me strong. Especially when I overheard the flight attendants talking about it again as we were getting close to LA and hoping they would be picked to be on that flight." I shivered, feeling my happiness fade a little. Mark came over and sat down next to me, wrapping me up in his arms. 

"Babe. I'm so sorry. What else happened today? And why did the flight get changed in the first place?" 

I snuggled in close to Mark and just breathed in his scent, calming myself back down. "The airline had a plane with mechanical issues that they had to take out of service to be repaired, so they were short at least one plane, plus the flight I was supposed to be on was overbooked in the first place. Then no one would change tickets, assuming they would be able to meet me and would instantly recognize me. There's a whole website dedicated to it. Jack looked it up for me earlier, while he helped me calm down enough to keep it together at the airport. The airline representative I talked to at the Dublin airport told me about it, thanking me for being so reasonable and helpful. The airline bent over backwards to make my flights as easy and painless as possible on both ends, gave me free first class tickets for another flight, and a whole packet of gift cards and vouchers. We'll have to look through all of it together, later. Anyway, my flight was long as hell. I've been on the go since just after nine am yesterday, Irish time. It's currently about four am there, as you mentioned in that text conversation." I snuggled closer and yawned once. "I'm not really super tired, but things are starting to catch up with me. I might suddenly just fall asleep on you babe, and if I do, I'm sorry. I had no idea what yesterday or today, whatever, was going to bring when I woke up early." 

Mark laughed. "Babe, you were up talking to me twenty three hours ago. Are you seriously telling me you haven't slept since then? And you're sorry for being tired now?" I nodded and hummed a little happy sound as Mark stroked a hand down my back. "Don't be sorry sweetheart. I'm just so happy to see you. We have time to do whatever you want, later, if you need to sleep now. We can both just call it an early night. I honestly won't mind. Where did you have layovers, if you don't mind telling me? I know Dublin to LA doesn't have non-stop flights, so I'm sure you had at least one stop." 

I smiled and closed my eyes, relaxing into Mark's chest even more. "Yeah. Actually, the first leg of the trip, after I got to Dublin, was to Brighton. I met up with Felix and Marzia for a while. We had lunch during my two hour layover, then I flew to London for a twenty minute stop. I didn't even have to change planes. After that, it was a non-stop to here, where the airline arranged concierge service for me, again. They had that set up for me in Dublin too. And they moved my luggage, except my carry on as soon as I was in the airport, at each airport along the line." I reached a hand up and stroked it along Mark's jaw, contentment settling in to take the place of the nerves, panic, and anxiety I had been battling all day, and I looked up into his face. I felt myself just melt into him, stress just streaming away from me. "You make me so happy, Mark. Thank you." I yawned again, slightly wider. "Now, let's get some food, before I fall asleep. I'm actually a little hungry, since I haven't eaten all that much in the last twenty four hours. Then, after we eat, I want to go to bed with you." I smiled as I felt Mark look down into my face and swallow. 

"Baby? Are you ready for sleep then? Or are you talking about some play time with me, then sleep?" 

I giggled. "We'll just have to see how sleepy I am after some food, hm? Right now, I want you to do all sorts of things to me, with me. But I am getting tired pretty fast, so..." I shrugged. "Eat fast?" 

Mark chuckled. "Babe, I can control myself and let you sleep a little. I mean, come on, you just flew a solid twelve hours, at least, from one side of the world to the other, pretty much, to be with me. I can keep my hands off you until you are more awake." I smirked and looked pointedly at his hands on my back and around my shoulders. He grinned. "I didn't mean literally. But if you need me to let you go, I can." 

I scooted my butt closer and kissed the tip of his nose. "I love you Mark, so don't you dare move. Now, enough talk for now. We need to eat. I sent Felix, Jack, and Signe texts that I had landed safely, and I was headed off to see you, so they won't expect to see me online, but I have other things I have to do online and social media to keep up with. I was responding all day, so if I'm quiet for a while tomorrow, it shouldn't be a problem." I yawned one more time, then rested my head on Mark's shoulder. "Mmm. You're so warm and smell so good. It's making me all relaxed and tired after I was so buzzed up on nerves and tension all day. I should have guessed this might happen. I have the videos for tomorrow, and actually for the next two weeks, entirely ready to go and automated. I shouldn't have to worry much about them for the time I'm here. I even made a few extra vlogs, for while I travelled, just so I could relax more. Tomorrow I can spend the whole day with you, mostly distraction free." I reached for the bag of food, only to have Chica lick my hand partway across the distance. I stopped and petted her a few times, earning doggie love and tail wagging, then she just laid down at our feet and appeared to fall asleep. Mark, meanwhile, had opened the bag of food and started pulling things out, setting a few plates and some flatware out for the two of us. He also brought over a few bottles of water from the fridge when he had gotten up while Chica shared her doggie kisses with me. He had settled back just as Chica laid down at our feet again, so I scooted back into him and rested a hand on his leg. 

He looked up at me. "What's on your mind, baby?" 

I shook my head with a smile. "Not much. I'm just happy. Chica seems to like me too. I'm glad. Now, did I get the right extras? I wanted an egg roll, but I figured a few other things might be good along with it, and I thought you might want a little of them too." 

Mark nodded and pulled me into his lap, wrapping me up in his arms. "I'm happy too. I'm happy you're here, with me. I'm happy Chica likes you. And I'm happy you are happy. Now, my stomach is growling and I missed lunch, other than a few carrots sticks and wings at Tyler's place around ten this morning. He had a bunch of people over last night and had pizza and wings, so I grabbed leftovers while we were talking and unpacking some of his stuff. Ethan was going to buy me some food, but I just wanted to get home and shower. I wasn't feeling all that hungry until I got cooled off. Now, smelling the food, I'm super hungry again. God, you smell so good too, and feel so good in my arms." 

I smiled. "I'm not going anywhere for a while Mark. Just get some food." I closed my eyes as another yawn over took me. Mark kissed me gently, surprising me into opening my eyes. "Sorry." 

"Stop apologizing. Babe, just take the food you want on a plate and cuddle me. I'm going to turn the TV on and find something to watch while we eat, okay? If you fall asleep, don't worry about it. I'll carry you back to bed." 

I sighed. "Okay, I guess. But I really do want some sexy fun time with you." He smiled and nodded. we both finished dipping plates and leaned into each other, cuddling close. Mark turned on the TV, but nothing was really catching our interest, so he turned it to YouTube and we watched some of our friends and some other random videos, quiet and content to just stay in each other's arms. As we ate, I felt my energy come back, a little, to the point that by the time we had finished eating and Mark got up to clear the dishes and put the food away, I was wide awake again. I smiled at him as he took the plates and followed him into the kitchen, surprising him. 

He turned to me after I sat down at the island, waiting for him. "Babe, if you are tired, we can head back to bed in just a few minutes." 

I grinned and gave him a heated look, making him nearly drop the plate he was holding. "I'm not sleepy anymore, Mark. The food perked me back up. Now, you can either give me a very, very fast tour of the house, or take me back to the bedroom directly. Your choice. It and the bathroom are the only things I really need to see right now anyway." 

Mark nodded, swallowing thickly and put the plate down with exaggerated care, then held out a hand to me. I took it and he brought me back out to the living room, just long enough to let Chica outside and to grab my bags. "This way baby. The bathroom is right off my room, so you won't need me to show you anyplace different. So, shower first? Sex, then sleep? Or sex, then shower, then sleep?" He opened a door and dropped my bags in the room, pulling me in with him, pulling me back into his waiting arms. "I'm happy with just holding you like this all night long, but I know after a long flight one of the first things I always want to do is shower. And truthfully, I could use a better shower than the super fast one I took earlier so I could get back to talking to you. All I really did was rinse the sweat off." 

I smiled and leaned into him. "Then let's shower, together, first. Let me just grab a clean outfit to sleep in for after we're done and my toothbrush. Oh, and I should put my phone on a charger before we go to sleep. Will Chica be okay outside all night?" 

Mark chuckled. "She has a doggie door. She can come in anytime she wants. But after we finish up, I'll go put your phone on to charge and bring her back in. She'll no doubt be tired of chasing the shadows and have taken care of her business by then. And unless you really want to sleep in clothes, don't worry about grabbing something to sleep in. I have the feeling we might not want it in the morning anyway, based on past experience. So get your toothbrush and meet me in the bathroom, babe. I'll get the shower started." He walked off, going through the door on the other side of the room, but leaving it open. I could see him gathering towels, while I bent over and started searching for the compartment with my toiletries. I always packed everything together in zip top bags, to keep the various things I brought from spilling, leaking, or getting messed up, so I grabbed the various items and hauled them all with me to the bathroom just as Mark started stripping. I saw, of course, and it made me speed up, coming into the bathroom at a much faster pace. He smirked at me when he noticed and winked. "In a hurry, baby? Well, let's get you out of those clothes and into the shower with me then. Come here." I set my things down on the counter next to the sink, and let Mark pull me into his arms by the waistband of my jeans. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a breathless kiss, melting both our brains as he worked my pants and underwear down my hips and ass. When we finally broke the kiss, gasping slightly, he moved closer, pulling my shirt off and wresting the pants from where they were stuck around my knees. In just seconds I was standing in front of him in just a bra, and he was growling at me. We shared a hot look and went for each other at the same time, meeting in the middle. Our lips met again and I ran my hands up through his hair as we passionately kissed again, practically devouring each other's mouths. I felt Mark's hand run up my body, starting on my ass and rubbing gently up my hips and back, then suddenly my bra was unhooked and Mark was trying to gently slide it up my arms without breaking our kiss or moving my hands. I huffed out a laugh and pulled back slightly, amused. 

"Mark, babe, slow down. We have at least two whole weeks together." I smiled into his mouth as I tossed the bra aside. "Now come on into the shower with me. You were right, a shower does sound really good right now." I reached over to him and pulled him close again. As he followed me, I stepped into his shower, under the water he had already turned on, and turned around to face him. Mark's face was closer than I expected and he immediately caught me up in an embrace, then began kissing me deeply again. I sighed and melted into him, letting his hands and the warm, soft water falling from the shower soothe away the last of my tension and revive me. 

Mark smiled at me as we came back up for air and he stepped back a quarter step. "You're so pretty. It just blows my mind. And I love you so fucking much..." 

I held up a finger to his lips. "Shh. I know babe. I feel the same way about you. You have trouble believing I'm real, that I love you." 

He nodded. "And even that you'd choose to be with me." He brushed a hand gently along my cheek. 

I rested my head on the hand, bringing one of mine up to keep it in place. "Mark. I feel the same way. I missed you so goddamn much, it physically hurt me." I stepped forward and hugged him tight again. "I wish we lived closer together." I sighed and looked into his eyes, momentarily getting lost in them, sharing everything I was thinking, feeling. He was doing the same and our eyes stayed locked until I moved slightly, my legs starting to tremble from all the emotions swirling between us. That small movement was enough. It sent sparks of desire and lust through both of us and suddenly we were grinding on each other, hard, worked up more than we believed we could be. 

Mark reached a hand out and grabbed a condom off the bathroom counter and slid it on, then dove into me, making me cry out quietly. "Baby, let me hear you. You don't have to be so quiet. I don't have any neighbors or roommates. Those sounds you make drive me wild." I nodded and mewled out a noise when he moved inside me. Mark set a fast pace as he found a rhythm. I followed, losing my mind and cumming twice before I heard him getting close to that edge. I moved a little, shifting, and suddenly he was deeper than ever and hitting my sweet spot. We both came at the same time and I went completely boneless. Mark was smiling as he held me and washed both of us up, then helped me to the bed afterwards. I kissed him once, after I was under the covers, but was too exhausted to do anything, say anything, or even think properly, falling sound asleep before he could even do more than take two steps away from my side of his bed. I didn't even wake up enough to see if he let Chica back in or stepped down the hall to charge my phone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol. Yes, I recycled my chapter title from my other work. It was too perfect not too. And now, off to work on other things...
> 
> Now edited thanks to the our fantastic new beta, Shae_Renuel. Everyone thank her! (2/7/2018)


	26. Hello California! *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your first day in LA with Mark.

I woke up a little confused about where I was, not remembering the long flight out to LA, but happy because I was wrapped up in Mark's arms. I smiled and scooted in a little closer, unable to stop myself, even if Mark was asleep, from just cuddling into his warm presence as much as I could. I let my eyes drift closed again as I smiled and breathed in Mark's comforting presence, just letting the early morning peace wash over the two of us. Mark's soft chuckle made my eyes pop back open with a start. He was smiling softly at me. "Morning, sweetheart. Are you comfy?" 

I blushed gently. "Yeah. I didn't want to get up. Sorry if I woke you up when I snuggled into you. I just wanted..." 

Mark gently pressed a finger over my lips, cutting me off. "Shh. It's fine. Actually, I was already awake, but I didn't want to disturb you, so I was just letting you sleep. And I always want you as close as I can have you, so don't even worry about it. Even if getting closer means you wake me up, I still want you to, every time." I smiled, nodded, and kissed the finger Mark still had on my lips. He smiled back. "Good. Now, what do you want to do today, babe? I didn't really have anything planned, mostly because I thought I might still be helping Tyler and Ethan get moved in since you weren't going to be here until tomorrow." 

I thought for a minute, grabbing Mark's hand, the one he still hadn't taken away from my face, and holding it to my cheek in both of mine. "Hmm. Well, I'm open to whatever, honestly. If you just want to hide away with me, here at your place, all day and do nothing but snuggle and watch TV and movies, that's fine. If you want to spend the whole day in bed with me, that's a good choice too. Or if you want to take me someplace else or show me off to your friends, I'd probably be okay with that too. As long as I get to spend the whole day with you, I'll be happy. I love you, Mark." 

Mark's smile brightened as he scooted over to the edge of the bed, stretching a little. "I love you too, sweetheart. And all those sound wonderful to me too. Maybe we should start our plans small and see where the day takes us then? Let's get up, get dressed, and grab some food. Chica is probably going to need her morning walk too." As though she heard Mark say her name, the golden retriever came bounding into the bedroom and bounced over to Mark's side of the bed, tail wagging, ready for the day. I chuckled as I watched lean over his dog and scratch behind her ears and under her chin. "Mornin' puppy. How's my favorite doggo this morning? Who's a good girl?" 

Chica borfed out a quiet response as I giggled. Mark looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. "Was I not a good girl this morning too, Mark?" 

Mark laughed. "My apologies. You're a very good girl too. Are you going to roll over for stomach rubs too?" 

I grinned at him. "Maybe. My tail is definitely wagging for you." I leaned in close and kissed Mark softly, making him hum an appreciative noise. I leaned my head on his shoulder when our lips parted again. "Mmm. You feel so good here with me. God, I missed you. Waking up next to you, like this morning, seems so perfect." 

Mark's eyes were alight with love and happiness, a soft, joyful smile on his face, as he tilted his head and leaned it on top of mine. He let out a small contented sigh. "Yeah. This is perfect. My gorgeous girlfriend, here a couple of days earlier than I expected, all warm and soft, with nowhere else to be for the time being, and my puppy, being so good and patient, right here with us. I honestly hate to get up out of bed now. But I do need to take Chica out for some exercise. I feel like a bad pet dad lately. I've hardly had any time to spend with her, between helping my friends get moved in, being away for such an extended stay with you, and work stuff." He scratched Chica under the chin a little more. "I can't ignore either of the wonderful girls in my life though." 

My grin softened as I watched Mark, a look of love overtaking the amusement in my eyes. "Hey, I never asked you to, baby. Mark, I know Chica's important to you. I would never ask you to choose me over her. Besides, she's a great dog, from what I've seen so far. She's sweet, cuddly, and super friendly. Besides, a little exercise wouldn't hurt us either. Outside of the bedroom I mean. Tell you what, we can go for a walk, or a jog, with her this morning, and when we get back, you can feed her and shower while I make some breakfast for the two of us. Then I'll grab a quick shower and we can decide what we want to do next. Sound good?" 

Mark nodded and kissed my forehead. "Sounds great baby. Let me just go grab a few things, like Chica's leash, some baggies to tie up her business, my keys and phone, and maybe a few treats for her. You wait here for me." 

I grinned. "I planned to. Actually, all I planned to do for the next few minutes was go use the bathroom, maybe try to tame my bedhead, and get dressed enough to leave the room with you. I hardly think we can go running dressed like we are now." 

Mark looked down and blushed, realizing both of us were still naked. "Um, yeah. Probably a good plan. Wouldn't be the first time I've shown the neighbors more than they needed to see though." 

I chuckled. "That somehow doesn't surprise me, mister no-pants. You are kind of well-known on your channel for not liking to wear pants, you know. But I'm more modest. Besides, I doubt you've thought of this, but I'm kind of, um, busty." 

Mark looked a little confused but the apparent change of subject, but nodded, raising an eyebrow at me with a slightly teasing smile. "Babe, I'd say more than kind of. But what does that have to do with anything we're talking about?" 

I laughed. "Markimoo, sweetheart, I need a VERY supportive bra when I go running. Otherwise, it just hurts. A lot. Think about it for a minute." I sighed and looked down at my chest. "They have a mind of their own, and an unbelievable bounce factor sometimes." I snorted. "So glamorous. I'm half afraid I'd knock myself out with a stray breast if I ran too fast in a bad bra." 

Mark started laughing. "Oh my god. Baby, that's a hilarious mental image." He kept grinning at me and leaned in for a kiss again. "And I love your boobs. I mean, I love everything about you, but I'm kind of a fan of some parts even more than others." 

I grinned at him, a wicked glint in my eyes. "Oh, that's hardly a secret Mark. You get a little over focused sometimes and distracted. But, that's okay. Sometimes you fry my brain too. You're built like a god after all. And your butt is enough to make me drool." Mark barked out another laugh, clearly amused. "Though that wasn't my point. I was just saying, if we're going running, I need a supportive undergarment. I've always been a little jealous of women who can just hop out of bed and throw on a sports bra, or even just go braless sometimes. Plus all the pain in my back and shoulders from carrying these things around." I sighed and moved away from Mark a little, feeling self-conscious. "More than you probably needed to hear though. Sorry Mark." 

Mark shook his head, frowning slightly, and kissed my cheek. "Hey now, you're fine. Actually, it's better I know if something like that is a problem for you. Maybe I can help, even if it's just giving you shoulder and back rubs when you hurt. I want to know everything that goes on with you, good or bad. I can't help you if I don't know about the problems. And I do want to help, with as much as you'll let me." I nodded and practically melted into his side again. Mark's smile came back as I settled against him again. "That's better. Seriously though babe, I really do want to know if something is bothering you, hurts, or you just don't feel good. It's important. _You're_ important. And not just to me." 

I smiled crookedly. "As hard as that is for me to believe sometimes, I kind of know that. I see so many people telling me that online, and you, Jack, and Signe are telling me all the time. I just... It's hard for me to believe, after everything." I looked down, fighting my past back, trying not to let things swamp me. 

Mark lifted his hands off Chica and wrapped me up in a tight hug. "Shh. Baby, it's okay. I know you've had a hard time, and that makes me incredibly sad, but just remember how much better things are now. No one can hurt you from your past. I'm right here for you, or at the worst, a phone call away. And when I'm not right there with you, you have other people, people who care almost as much as I do, who are there for you too." I shuddered a little and nestled my head into Mark's side. He ran a soothing hand down my back and shoulders, just letting me try to handle things. After a minute, I moved a little and peeked up into his face. Mark smiled reassuringly when he saw me do that. "Hey, there's my beautiful gal. You're getting so good at handling these things baby. You didn't even panic at all this time, from what I could see. You were just sad and looked a little haunted. But I hate to see even that much pain in your eyes." 

I tried to give him a brave smile, but I'm not sure how successful I was. "Thank you, Mark. I needed the hug. And you kept me calm. I could feel the panic and anxiety pushing at me, but knowing you were here... Just hearing your voice helps me more than you could possibly know, but feeling you, seeing you, smelling you right here... It just helps keep me grounded and steady so much more. You fill up all my senses and keep me right here, with you, in the moment, instead of stuck in the past. It's helping me more than I ever dreamed." 

Mark's expression melted my heart, just a look of pure love, mixed with a little wonder. "I don't feel like I do anything to deserve that much credit sweetheart. You're so brave. I know you've said I helped you before, but it still blows my mind." He pulled me into a deep kiss, still holding me tight, stealing my breath. "I can't believe how perfect you are. And you've dealt with so much. You know how much I wish I could have protected you from all those things, I hope." 

My smile was soft, but real, this time. "I'm not perfect, but it means a lot to me that you think so Mark. And I wish I hadn't had to go through all those things too, or at least that they hadn't affected me so deeply. I mean, it's not really surprising, all things considered, that I have the issues I do, but at the same time, I wish I was more normal. Panic and anxiety are awful." Mark nodded, still rubbing my back. I met his eyes again. "It does give me a little bit better insight into helping other people though. And I love being able to help people and inspire them." My smile was lopsided again. "And you helped me a lot, even without knowing me. I feel like I owe you so much, just for sharing everything you have with your channel. I know I'm not the only one you've helped through some of the worst things in their lives. It's helped inspire me, encourage me to help other people, and keep me from spiraling out completely so many times." I snuggled in a little closer, my head resting on his shoulder again. "I still can't believe I actually got to meet you in person, let alone have half the rest of this happen. I keep waking up in the morning feeling like none of this was real, that I dreamt it all up or I'm unconscious somewhere, my brain making it up while I'm slowly dying." 

Mark shivered and looked sad, almost a little haunted. "Don't say things like that, baby. It's real. I'm really here, with you. Or you're really here, in my home, with my dog, cuddled close. You're safe. And I'm so incredibly happy about all of those things, you wouldn't even believe it." Mark pressed another soft kiss onto my forehead, smiling a little. "In fact babe, I'm overjoyed." 

I smiled and rested my hand above his heart, feeling the strong, steady rhythm beating just below my fingertips. "I'm happy too Mark. That's partly why I'm having trouble believing all this is real. So little in my life has felt this easy, right, or good. And for most of my life, happiness has been fleeting, here-and-gone, not the continuous thing I've been feeling since I moved to Ireland. I'm almost afraid to believe it can be real. I think it would crush me, if I actually started to trust in it and it all went away." I looked down. "Not that I really think anyone or anything is going anywhere, or that it's all made up, but..." I shivered a little and Mark drew me in a little closer. "I'm sorry if this seems silly. Sometimes I have these overwhelming doubts first thing in the mornings. Having you here helps me so much more than usual though." I sighed happily. "I love the fact I get to wake up here, in your arms, every day for the next few weeks. It's one of my favorite feelings, ever. I wish I knew it would go on forever, uninterrupted, even though I know it can't." 

Mark chuckled softly and nodded, then leaned forward just enough to rest his face against the top of my head. "Yeah, baby, that would be perfect. We'll just have to make sure we cherish the time we do have together, whenever we have it. Now, are you feeling ready to go get dressed and come for a run with Chica and I?" 

I giggled and nodded. "Sure am, Markimoo. I just need to remember to wear oversized sunglasses, to help hide my face, and maybe something to hide my hair. I doubt anyone would notice me and make the connection, at least, I hope not, but I still don't want to take an unnecessary chances. I _think_ I could handle it, if for some reason my identity somehow got leaked online, but I really don't want to push it. I know you would keep me safe too, but I'd still rather stay safely anonymous." 

Mark chuckled. "Of course, lover. And you could handle it, I know it. You're stronger than you know, and I have every bit of faith in the world in you. But at the same time, I'd rather you stay happy and safe than test things too much. You stay here and get ready, I'll go grab Chica's leash, my keys, and our phones, okay? Be back in a minute!" 

I laughed as Mark walked away, calling after him. "Mark! Baby, you have to get dressed too. Grab our stuff then come back and put some pants on. Can't have you starting a riot with your super sexy bod, now can we?" I heard Mark's deep laugh as he headed down the hallway and smiled to myself, then bent over and started sorting through my clothes, gently shifting everything around while I dug out my exercise clothes, sunglasses, sneakers, and sunscreen. I got dressed in baggy shorts and a hooded tank top with the Star Trek logo on the back, threw my shoes on, and started applying the copious amounts of sunblock I always needed to keep from getting burnt to a crisp in the sun. I was still slathering it on when Mark came back. 

He grinned at me, a sexy expression on his face. "Mmm. That looks like fun, baby. Can I take over for you? I want to rub all over your body like that..." 

I chuckled. "If you want to, sure. But Mark, you better get dressed first. And remember, we're getting ready to go for a run, so try to control yourself, at least a little. We have all the time in the world for sexy fun time after Chica gets her morning exercise." I kissed the tip of his nose. "In fact, I have some plans for you, for later. Naked plans. Sweaty, naked, athletic plans. But for now, put some pants on and let's get moving." 

Mark swallowed, his eyes filled with lust. "I like the sound of those plans. But I can control myself, for now. Just for you." 

I smiled. "Good boy." Mark grinned and threw his pants, shirt, and shoes on, then came over to me and helped me finish applying the sunblock. I hummed softly in his arms. "Mmh. Thanks baby. Do you need my help putting any sunblock on? I'm all set to go as soon as I grab my phone, hat, and sunglasses now." 

Mark grinned and shook his head. "Nah. I just use the spray on kind and it's pretty fast. I don't even have to rub it in. Tell you what, you put your hat and sunglasses on, then grab Chica's leash and attach it to her collar while I grab a shirt and finish up, okay? And I already grabbed your phone, babe." 

"Thank you, Mark. I'll go ahead and get Chica ready then." Mark nodded. I stood up straighter and walked over to Chica's side, gently reaching for her. She immediately tried to lick my hand, making me giggle a little, so I rubbed her head and scratched under her chin for a minute, earning more doggie love. After a minute, I was able to pull my hands back enough to grab her leash, which she recognized, and her whole body started wagging from how hard her tail was bumping across the floor now. I attached the leash to her collar carefully and stood back up, putting the oversized floppy hat I had brought on along with my almost comically oversized sunglasses. Then I looped Chica's leash around my hand and followed her out the door. Mark caught up with the two of us just as we reached the living room. 

"Hey, where were my two favorite girls headed off to, in such a hurry without me? Couldn't you wait for me?" I looked at him, lowering the sunglasses for a minute. Mark laughed. "God baby, you're just too cute for words. You look like a Hollywood starlet trying to stay incognito." 

I blushed. "Should I lose the hat then? I don't want to look like I'm trying to hide." 

Mark smiled. "Yeah, that might be smart. Actually, just pull the hood of that tank top up to hide your hair. Now you just look like someone out for a run who wants eye protection. That's a lot better." I sighed as I relaxed again, listening to Mark's advice. He came over to my side and wrapped me up in a fast hug and gave me a quick kiss before he opened the door, following Chica and me out the door, and down the road to the path to the park. We set a steady pace, not terribly fast to start, but not super slow either, stretching and warming up our muscles slowly. By the time we got to the park, we were running at a normal speed, Chica leading the way, most of the time, just enjoying the morning air and company. We slowed down a few times, to let Chica do her business, to look at the scenery, and to stop and get something to drink from the coffee cart we passed, but eventually, after about an hour and a half, we headed back to Mark's place, walking together now, hand in hand. I even rested my head on his shoulder as we walked home. We were happy and relaxed and no one was paying any attention to us, or so I thought, until someone called out Mark's name, loudly, about a block from his house. My first instinct was to run and hide, and I actually started to pull away, going into a more defensive stance a step away from Mark, but he just ran a soothing thumb over the back of our joined hands, keeping me in place without a word. I sighed and fidgeted, nervous, while the man came running up and greeted Mark. 

"Mark! Buddy, I was looking for you. I tried your house first, but you weren't home. I was just headed back to my car when I spotted you. Um..." The man trailed off when he looked at the way I was standing with Mark. "Mark? Who's this? I know you have a girlfriend, but you said she wasn't getting into town until _late_ tomorrow. You aren't, um, messing around on her are you? 'Cause I'm not comfortable knowing about that. And that really doesn't seem like you, man." 

Mark laughed softly. "Calm down, Matthias. This IS my girlfriend. Come on, let's get inside, get Chica settled and some food and drinks for everyone, then we can talk. I'll introduce you to her." I relaxed when Mark said this, clearly knowing the man, and trusting him. I leaned into Mark's side again. Mark smiled down, into my face. "That's better, sweetheart. I know you're nervous, but trust me." Mark pressed a gentle kiss onto my lips. 

I sighed contentedly. "I do, Mark. I just didn't know who this was, or that you knew him. I think I remember you doing some collabs with someone named Matthias in the past though. And Team Edge? Do I have the right person?" 

Matthias grinned. "Hey, yeah, that's me! Wait, you're really Mark's girlfriend? Oh man. I was coming by today to see if I could distract him for the day by filming with us, since I figured he'd be kind of a mess while he waited for you to get into town. I want to get to know more about you too, don't get me wrong. I just figured Mark could use a little distraction for the day." 

Mark blushed a little as he led us into his apartment. As soon as we were in the door, I took off the sunglasses and dropped the hoodie on my shirt, shaking my hair free. It bounced into place and I sighed with relief, running a hand through the curls, letting the heat that had built up dissipate. "Mark, baby, I don't care if I look like I'm trying to hide. Next time we go running, I'm just wearing that floppy hat. It breathes a lot better. I feel like my whole head was in a fucking sauna from that hoodie." I shook my hair a few more times and sat down, curling my legs up under me. Mark grinned at me and shook his head. I raised an eyebrow. "I'm serious. If you want me to come running with you anymore, I'm wearing the hat. But I might just stay here and let you run with Chica alone, and get our breakfasts made from now on." I pulled my shoes off and set them down next to the couch. Chica came back over to me, resting her head in my lap for petting as soon as she finished drinking the water Mark had just put down for her. I smiled at her and unhooked the leash from her collar, the scratched behind her ears. "Such a good girl. You won't mind the alone time with your daddy, will you, Angel?" 

Mark laughed and came back into the living room, carrying drinks for the two of us and trailing Matthias, who had a drink of his own in his hand. Mark leaned over and kissed me again, then handed me the glass, filled to the top with ice water. "Hey, we both appreciated the company on the morning run, but if you don't want to join us, we understand. And Chica is being great. Honestly, I kind of thought she might be a little shy around you, or get jealous of all the time I was going to want to spend with you, but she's just being a star. Except maybe for the fact she's stealing all the snuggles from you." 

I grinned. "She doesn't whine at me." 

Matthias snorted out a surprised laugh. "Sorry. Um, wow. The two of you are adorable together, I have to say. But when did you get into town? And um, all I know is your channel name, [Y/Y/N]." 

I smiled at Matthias. "Well, I'm [Y/N]. And I got into town last night. I surprised Mark when I showed up early. My flight was supposed to leave tonight and get here tomorrow, but the airline had to change things because of some mechanical issues with one of the planes. Plus there was the fact everyone seemed to be trying to track down the flight I'd be on so they could meet me, assuming they would just know who I was by looking at me. Jack and Felix had to help calm me down at the beginning of my trip yesterday when I found out." I looked down at the floor. "I have some really bad issues with panic from somethings that happened to me a while ago. Mark's the best at calming me down normally, but he wasn't around, plus I was trying to surprise him about getting here. Besides, I hate to wake him at like three in the morning because I'm panicked unless I absolutely can't avoid it. Fortunately, Jack talked me down in Dublin, then Felix and Marzia were awesome and helped me calm down the rest of the way when my flight landed in Brighton for my short layover. We got lunch and talked for quite a while. I was able to handle the rest of the trip pretty well, until I could get to Mark, but yesterday was a pretty hard day for me." I smiled again, a half smile. "I still can't believe I know all these people." 

Matthias grinned. "Um, by Jack, I'm assuming you mean Jacksepticeye right?" 

I giggled. "Yeah. Jack's the whole reason I met Mark and started a channel on YouTube. He's my next door neighbor, at home. And Signe is one of my best friends. Then I started a channel and all hell broke loose, and somehow, here I am, dating Mark, who lives half a world away from me and I've watched and admired forever, making YouTube videos of my own, and having the biggest, fastest growing channel ever." I scooted closer to Mark. "Not how I pictured my life six months ago, that's for sure. Or even a year ago, when I was still living in the US." 

Mark grinned at me. "I know baby. But I'm more than happy things have turned out this way, except for you living so damn far away. But we've talked that to death already." Mark leaned in close and kissed me, softly. "I won't drag that up again, like I promised." He smiled into my face for a few seconds then rested his head on my shoulder, wrapping his arms around me. 

Matthias watched the two of us, amused. "Mark, buddy, I'm really happy for you. I haven't seen you this happy, probably ever, that I can remember. And [Y/N], you seem really sweet. I know you are a pretty positive person, just from the little bit I've seen of your channel and the social media you've responded to that I stumbled on. I'm sorry you have anxiety issues though." He smiled at me, a friendly, open expression. "So, what did you do before YouTube? Were you always into video editing and creation?" 

I smiled back and chuckled slightly. "Nope. But apparently I should have been. I actually worked as an Information Technology worker, usually at public libraries. Actually, I was still doing that, even after my channel started, until just a few weeks ago. YouTube just rolled over everything else and swallowed up my entire life. Which was okay, really. I'm quite a bit more social now than I was when I worked at the libraries, only because everyone is always pulling me in for collaborative gameplay, videos, and projects. Plus, I talk to people online, and Jack and Signe in person, all the time now, which I wasn't as good about when I worked in the server closet at the library. Before I started hanging out with Signe, I probably only talked to people once every three or four days, face to face, and that was work-related probably ninety percent of the time. Signe was really my first friend in Ireland though, after she came over with Jack to introduce themselves as my neighbors." I sighed. 

Mark looked at me and rubbed my shoulder for a minute. "Do you miss her already, baby? We could probably arrange to call and talk to her and Jack in a little while, if you want to." 

I smiled a half smile and snuggled into Mark a little more. "I can wait a few days. I was just thinking how much differently my life would have been lately if she and Jack hadn't approached me like they did. I know I wouldn't have approached them, I'm just too shy. And I probably wouldn't have guessed Jack really was my neighbor for a while, I would have just assumed someone was a fan of his and played his videos all the time." A grin broke out on my face after a few seconds, and a mischievous look filled my eyes, fighting amusement for supremacy. "At least for a while. I have the feeling I would have figured it out, especially after I had to go buy those headphones." 

Mark laughed. "Yeah, you definitely would have figured things out by then. But even so, I am pretty sure you wouldn't have approached them, even then. You would have just hidden away and quietly geeked out to yourself." Mark pressed a kiss by my ear and chuckled, a deep rumble I could feel as much as hear. "I'm surprised Signe and Jack didn't need some headphones of their own, babe, while I was there." 

I looked at him and winked, then leaned up and whispered, soft as a breath, in his ear. "That's why I had the gag. You can be a little noisy sometimes, my love." Mark blushed slightly, and I grinned. Matthias cleared his throat and raised an eyebrow when I looked over at him. "What's up? Oh, the headphone thing. Um, let's just say, the walls to our apartments aren't that thick. And Jack and Signe can both be..." I paused and gestured for a minute, trying to find the best word without getting too graphic. "...um, vocal. Their bedroom wall adjoins mine. I had to get some noise cancelling headphones after I moved in. That's all. Some things I really don't need to know about them." I giggled a little as Matthias looked surprised and a little embarrassed. "Don't worry, they know _now_. And I'm not going to say anything else about it anyway, just that I heard some things before I got those noise cancelling headphones." I shook my head in mock sorrow. 

Mark hugged me close and kissed my neck. "Babe, you're being a brat. You know that right? Jack wasn't trying to scar you." 

I looked at Mark and giggled again. "Oh, I know. He gets so flustered every time he thinks about it. But he thinks of me as a sister, so I guess that only makes sense." 

Mark looked surprised, a little. "Really? How do you know that?" 

I rested my head on Mark's shoulder now. "We talked about it, after one of my panic attacks. We both noticed the fans were saying he was kind of like a big brother to me, and we both started getting fan art with it. I wanted to make sure he was okay with it before I addressed my fanbase about it, so I could know how to handle it. Signe had commented on it too, after she noticed how he treated me. Jack and I were both fine with the fans acting that way and Jack admitted he did kind of see me that way, but promised to stop treating me that way, if it bothered me. It absolutely does not, and I told him so. He does feel like family, with how things have worked out, and it's just really nice, if I'm totally honest." 

Mark nodded. "Well, that's good. I know you miss your family back East." 

I shrugged one shoulder without moving away from Mark's side. "Yeah, but I love where I live now, especially the weather and having Jack and Signe right there. My actual brothers understand, and it's not like either of them saw me much, even when I lived closer. What with Dave so busy with his PhD in Buffalo anyway, he and I barely saw each other three times a year as it was. And we talk about the same amount now that we did before, so that's the same. Chris didn't come by that often either, between one thing and another. We all just talk online more than in person. I just like going to the family get-togethers when they happen. YouTube isn't going to make that slow down for me any. Hell, it actually frees me up more to go to things. And I happen to know you miss your family in Cincinnati too." 

Mark nodded again as he watched me. "Yeah, I do. LA has a lot of things I really like though too, don't get me wrong. But, yeah, I miss my friends and family back home." I watched Mark's eyes, noting the sadness in the backs of those beautiful brown orbs, the lingering ache of steadily missing people he cared about who he couldn't see all the time, just because of the distances involved. It made me reach up and stroke his cheek before I even thought about it. Mark looked into my eyes and smiled a little, leaning his face into my touch and kissing my palm. "Thank you baby. I know you understand." 

I just gave Mark a tender look, not speaking for the moment, offering him comfort but letting him have a little space if he wanted it as well, letting my hands naturally fall into my lap but staying close to Mark as well. Matthias cleared his throat, sounding almost sorry for disturbing us. "You guys are really good at that, you know. The whole comforting each other without being too in each other's faces. I can already tell. Anyway, Mark, I wanted to see if you were going to be up for filming with Team Edge for part of the day today, but clearly you don't actually need the distraction, like I thought you would." 

I grinned. "If he wants to film with you guys though, it's cool. I already told him, whatever he wants to do today, we can. I'm not here to try to hold him back from seeing friends or doing anything he wants to. I can hang back and work on my own stuff, watch Chica, or even just amuse myself if I need to. Don't let my being here screw things up for the two of you." 

Mark smiled and kissed me again. "Babe, you couldn't screw things up, if you tried. Besides, Matthias hadn't asked me yet, so you aren't really changing my plans for the day. I already told you, I didn't have any. Um, let me think for a minute." Mark looked down. 

I smiled brightly as an idea suddenly came to me. Mark saw the smile and looked up, his face tilting to the side as though asking me a question wordlessly. "Well, Matthias, what if you film with Mark, here, or more likely, at his office. I could record with him too. We could do a challenge video or something. Unless you need to record with Team Edge today?" I addressed the last part of the comment to Matthias, who shook his head. 

"No. Actually, we weren't scheduled to record anything today. I just knew Mark might need the distraction and wanted to help." 

Mark blushed a little. "I'm not THAT bad." 

I lifted a hand and stroked his cheek again. "Yes, you are baby. But it's okay. I get that way sometimes too. And we know about it, so we can make sure neither of us are alone when we get down like that. Jack and Signe helped me out after you had to come home and I might have gotten like that. It really wasn't a criticism, Mark." I leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss onto Mark's forehead, still stroking his cheek with one hand. "Now, before you get all bent out of shape about things, do you want to see if Tyler and Ethan want to record with us too? Or anyone else? I mean, I'm fine with any or all of them there, as long as you will be too. And what challenge do you want to do? The seven second challenge? The whisper challenge? A song challenge? Or something else?" 

Mark sighed. "Fine. You're right anyway. Tyler was here and helped me through getting through things after I got back too, when I wasn't talking to you. And I've been talking to Bob and Wade over the Internet a lot more too, just asking them about relationships, since both of them have been in long term, romantic relationships for a lot longer than I ever have. I wanted some advice on things from them." Mark looked at me again. "You keep distracting me, you know that, right? I was supposed to be mad at you for that comment I think. But, yes, we can definitely call Ethan and Tyler and get them to come into the office today. Anything you want to record will be amazing, sweetheart. You know that. You're really good at keeping me focused, on track, and keeping the commentary lively with whoever you record with. But we don't even have to record a challenge video, if you'd rather do something else. We could play some Cards Against Humanity, or some video games, or something equally fun. Whatever you want, really. Let me just go call them and find out when we should all meet up, okay? You wait right here and don't move a muscle. You look way too comfy and I don't want you disturbing Chica now either." Chica had settled herself on my lap while the three of us had been talking and appeared to be asleep now, her slow even breathing a calm, steady presence for me to focus on if I needed to. I smiled and nodded as Mark stood up and walked out of the room, then turned toward Matthias again. 

"I'm sorry if we seem to ignore you or anything today. We both just get lost in each other sometimes and forget other people are even around. We aren't trying to be rude or anything, it just happens. Just say something if you need to, we promise we won't mind." I blushed faintly. "Honestly, we aren't even always aware we're doing it. Jack and Signe have both seen us do it, more than any of us would like to admit, but then again, I've seen them do the same damn thing with each other too, so it hasn't been a big deal." I smiled again. 

Matthias laughed softly. "You really are close friends with them then, aren't you? I don't talk to Jack nearly as often as I'd like to, mostly because of how busy both of us are and the time difference, but I didn't know he had anyone close by who he was friends with at all." 

I blushed a bit brighter. "Um, yeah. Signe and I are pretty much best friends, and Jack and I are really close too, but we all only met a few months ago. I haven't been living in Ireland all that long, really. Um, maybe eight months? I don't know exactly. I mean, I lived in the UK for a little while first, then moved to Ireland for a job. Let me see..." I mentally tallied the time. "I started working there in September, not long before my birthday. So, yeah, about nine months actually. I have a cousin who I was staying with in the UK prior to that, who I lived with for two months. Before that, I lived on the East coast of the US, close to Washington DC and Baltimore. But a lot has happened in this last year. Most of it has been absolutely amazing, like meeting Jack, Signe, Felix, and Mark. Or starting my YouTube channel and having it explode the way it has, though that's been scary as all hell for me too. Ye have no idea how bad that's made me panic a few times." 

Mark suddenly came in the room and chuckled. "Babe, you dropped into the Irish accent again." 

I blinked and blushed. "Sorry, Mark." 

Mark just scooped me up and kissed me. "I really don't mind. It just amuses me every time you do that. The first time I talked to you and your accent morphed mid-chat, I really did think I was losing my mind." I shook my head and cuddled into Mark's chest. He hummed out a happy noise. "That's better. I want you close by all day today. Ethan and Tyler both are super excited to film with you by the way. They can be at my office in an hour. That means we need to go get ourselves ready. Matthias, do you want to meet us there or wait for us and ride in when we're ready? We'll probably have to stop and grab some food along the way, since the two of us never actually got any breakfast. We were going to make some after our run, but we kind of got side tracked." 

Matthias smiled at Mark, who was still holding me in his arms, scooped up and cuddled close. "You guys take your time. I'm going to go run a few errands and I'll meet you both at your office Mark. Actually, since I'm the one who distracted you from your breakfasts, let me get you something. Any requests?" 

Mark looked at me. I thought for a few seconds. "Um, I'd like a smoothie, banana and blackberry, please, and an egg white breakfast sandwich with spinach, cheese, and turkey. Thanks!" 

Mark grinned at me, then kissed the tip of my nose. "So healthy this morning. Yeah, that sounds pretty good for me too, but just coffee instead of a smoothie for me, please Matt. Thanks again!" 

Matthias smiled as he stood up. "Hey, it's no problem. I'll see both of you in a little while. Bye Chica." With that, he walked back out the front door. Mark walked over and I pushed the door closed behind him. 

I rested my head on Mark's shoulder now and smiled. "Hmm. Alone again. Let's go play in the shower before we have to leave. How long does it take to get to your office from here?" 

Mark laughed. "About ten minutes. Yes, please. Definitely it's playtime. I want my hot, sexy, girlfriend all soapy, wet, and naked for me." 

I giggled and started nibbling on Mark's neck and earlobe as he carried me off in the direction of the bathroom. Twice my efforts made him moan loudly and his knees tremble, making him almost drop me. Both of us were more than ready to strip by the time we made it to the shower. Mark grabbed a condom and rolled it on as soon as he dropped his pants, then threw his shirt across the bathroom, almost violently. I striped quickly as well, not caring if it looked sexy, just wanting to be naked and get at Mark after he set me down. Mark growled, his eyes going darker when the last of my clothes were off me, and he pulled me in for a bruising kiss. Mark and I were grinding on each other and panting when we came up for air. I made a noise, deep in my throat, of pure need, that was almost a whine. Mark closed his eyes and rested his forehead against mine, as though I was going to escape if he let me go. "Mark... Please, babe. I need you." 

Mark opened his eyes and looked at me, a look so full of love and lust it was practically a physical sensation on my skin. He nodded once, a jerky motion, as he pulled me even closer, under the water I had somehow missed him turning on behind us. The warm gentle spray, combined with his hands, hot and soft on my body made me go nearly mindless in his arms. I let out another noise and bucked my hips into his before either of us could think. It was more than Mark could take and he plunged in, setting a steady pace, holding my hips now with both hands. I whimpered slightly as he brushed against a particularly sensitive spot inside me. He grinned and changed angles, aiming for that spot again. Before long, both of us were boneless in each other's arms from our releases. Mark recovered first and helped me wash up, after he managed to wash himself up and gently ease out of me, taking the used condom off and tying it safely up, tossing it in the trash just outside the shower. Mark's smile was open and bright as he held me close and helped me wash up, peppering my face and shoulders with kisses. "[Y/N], baby, I love you so much... That was just perfect, like always. God, I missed you while we were apart." 

I smiled back at him, unable and unwilling to keep the love out of my expression. "I know, Markimoo. I know that for the next few days, we both are just going to keep coming back to each other and reassuring ourselves and the other that we're really together again, how much we missed each other, and how much we love each other. I've accepted that fact. We're just going to be totally disgusting to everyone around us, and they can deal with it." I grinned a little brighter. "I honestly don't care. How about you, babe? Do you care how disgustingly sweet we're going to be, around all your friends?" 

Mark laughed. "Nope. Like you said, they can deal with it, or they can avoid us until we both settle down a little. If we do. I don't know if I'll be able to manage that before you have to leave again, baby. Then I'll be a mess until you get back again, even if it's only for a week or two again." 

I shook my head, still smiling. "Of course you will. Don't worry, Chica can help you cope. Or if it's really bad, we can figure something out." I snuggled into his chest now, both of us clean, but neither of us moving out from under the water, too content to just stay wrapped in each other's arms and the contentment we were sharing. Mark just kept holding me close, his arms wrapped around me, his chin resting on my shoulder, as we stood there for a long moment. Mark ended the shower when he felt me start to shiver a little. 

"Come on babe. We don't need either of us getting sick because we stayed under the water too long and got a chill. And you're going to be dealing with a lot more crowded places, just because of the airports and getting interviewed and stuff than I am." 

I smirked. "That's what you think. I already got it arranged to have you on some of these talk shows with me, loverboy. Actually, I hardly had to convince most of the shows. They mostly jumped at the chance. I told them they would have to talk to you directly first, but that it was fairly likely you would be willing." I booped the end of his nose with a finger as Mark pulled me out of the shower and into the bedroom. I giggled at his surprised expression. "Come on, sweetheart. Did you really think I was going to try to face all this without you close by? Or that I wouldn't try to see if they were interested in having you on the shows too? You channel does a lot of good too. Ellen in particular was very interested in having both of us on. I'm surprised no one has contacted you yet about that." 

Mark blushed a little. "Um, they might have contacted me. If it was in the last few days, I might have missed it. I've been a little focused on getting Tyler and Ethan moved in and set up. Plus thinking about stuff for when you're here. I've been pretty distracted." 

I smiled. "Mark..." I shook my head, mock seriously. "What am I going to do with you? You need a keeper." 

Mark blushed again and rubbed the back of his neck. It was so adorable, I couldn't help leaning in and kissing him gently. He closed his eyes and got into the kiss too, seeming to lose himself for a moment. Chica bumping his leg brought him back to earth and we separated for a moment. Mark looked down at his dog. "Hey, Chica-bica. Was Daddy ignoring you while he played with his girlfriend? I'm sorry, baby." Chica just tilted her head, looked at us both, borfed out a soft bark, went around us, and laid down on her bed, ignoring us now. I chuckled. "Well, all right. Apparently, I was just standing in the way of the doggie princess. So sorry, you're majesty." Mark bowed to Chica, holding the towel he had wrapped around himself in place. I kept giggling. Mark looked at me and raised an eyebrow. 

"Mark, you actually managed to look insulted that the dog wasn't mad at you. Personally, I'm glad Chica seems to like me so much and doesn't mind sharing you with me." Chica looked up at me when I said her name, wagged her tail, and panted a few times. I smiled. "Yes, you're a good puppy princess, Chica. And you love your silly Daddy, too. Just like me." I scratched under her chin. Chica's tail sped up, practically shaking her whole butt out of the bed. 

Mark laughed. "Oh babe, you have Chica just as wrapped around your little finger as you do me. She loves you too. Look at how happy she is to get those chin scratches." Mark rested his head on my shoulder, pulling me close again. "Now, we both better put some clothes on and get ready to go record at the office. What do you need to take with you?" 

I smiled at him, not moving yet. "The computer equipment I had shipped here is going to end up set up there, eventually, but for now, my camera, laptop, and mic, which are in my carry on, along with my helmet." I paused for a second. "Mark? Should I wear the helmet for the drive into your office? You know, in case people see us riding in together?" 

Mark blinked and looked thoughtful. "That might be smart, sweetheart. I don't want you doing anything that's going to cause you to have a panic attack and I know even the thought of someone finding out who you are online is enough to trigger you. We have to keep you safe." Mark hugged me closer for a second, just squeezing me into his chest before he let me go with a sigh and stepped away to get dressed. I smiled and sat down, sorting through my own clothes, selecting an outfit for the day. I ended up picking a pair of jeans and a tee shirt with the YouTube logo on the front. Mark smiled as I finished getting dressed, pulling my sneakers on and grabbing my hairbrush. He took it from my hands with a smile. "Please let me do that baby. I love your hair. Especially now, when it's all springy and bouncy and gorgeous." 

I smiled and nodded. "Sure, Mark. I know how much you like playing with my hair. Honestly, I like it when you do too. It's relaxing. And I like running my hands through your hair too. You have such beautiful hair. Just like the rest of you." Mark blushed a little and kissed me softly. I hummed a happy noise, making him chuckle as he settled back on the bed behind me, sitting down with me between his legs so he could focus on my hair. I relaxed into the feeling of Mark's hands on my head and neck as he gently brushed my hair, taking far longer than he needed to, just lingering and seeming unable to stop touching my hair. Eventually, I turned to him with a small smile. "Mark, sweetie, we need to go. I know you love my hair, but really, we have things to do today." 

Mark sighed, looking down. "I know. Your hair's just so soft... I could almost meditate as I brush it, it calms me down so much. It helps me think too. I know that sounds a little silly." I shook my head and rested a hand on top of Mark's. He looked at me. "You don't mind? Really?" 

"Mark, of course not. It calms me down too. I love it when you touch me, at all. Stroking my head and my hair feels good, especially the way you do it. It makes me feel loved, safe, and just cherished. I just know we have to go take care of other things right now. You can play with my hair when we get home tonight, if you want. I'll even let you help me wash it tomorrow, if that sounds good." I smiled again. "And I'm so happy you like my new hairstyle. I can't even tell you how scared I was to change it, even though I knew you would probably like it, and Jack and Signe were telling me how much you'd love it too. I was just afraid to change something I knew you liked about me already." 

Mark moved his hands from my hair to cup my chin, stroking my cheek with his thumbs. "Baby, I love every single thing about you. Nothing you could possibly do could change that. I mean it. There is nothing you could do, willingly, that would make me love you any less." I closed my eyes and leaned into Mark's touch again. He sighed. "Come here baby." He pulled me into his lap and kissed me. "I'm so sorry you have struggled so much, especially with the doubts about whether or not I was going to change my mind about you. I've been afraid of the same things." I looked into his perfect brown eyes and saw the fears, doubts, and pain that matched my own swimming to the surface, fighting to overwhelm him. I leaned closer and hugged him fiercely, making him close his eyes as he fought back emotions. 

"Mark." He looked back into my eyes. "Mark, please don't worry about that. That is the one thing you will never have to worry about with me. I am so deeply, completely, and utterly in love with you there is no going back. I think you've captured my soul, somehow. You had me before you ever met me or talked to me." I sighed. "Seriously, I feel like I owe you my life at this point too. You really are what has kept me whole and sane after all I've been through. Please don't doubt I need you in my life." 

Mark looked down again, swallowing, after seeing the sincerity in my eyes, I hoped. He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against mine for a long moment, just gathering himself. I let him, staying quiet so he could focus. I was rewarded with a deep sigh that seemed to release all the tension from his body and a look in his eyes, when he opened them again, of pure adoration. I reached a hand up and stroked his cheek gently. He smiled. "I don't doubt you, baby. Really. I truly just didn't think of it that way. And you have my heart and soul as well, every bit as much as I have yours. Somehow you captured mine before I ever talked to you, just from listening to how Jack and Signe described you. You make me so much better, feel so much more complete. I feel like you make me the best person I can be, without having to try. And I want to try to be even better, to make myself more worthy of you, somehow. I know it's silly, but it's how I feel." 

I held a finger up to Mark's lips now. "Shh. Mark, I understand, truly. I feel the same way. All my life, I've had these things I've struggled with. These feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, inferiority, and doubts. You've come in and just swept them all away, through what you say to me, how you treat me, and even just how you look at me sometimes, like I'm the most precious thing in the world to you. I know you treasure me. It makes me feel less like the negative can win. All I need to shore me up most of the time is you. Your voice. Your touch. Just you. You make me better too. Even my therapist thinks so. He told me that I should stay with you as much and as long as I could." 

Mark looked stunned, almost in tears. "Baby, that's..." He took a breath and stopped, trying to regain his composure. "That's amazing." He smiled softly and kissed me again. Chica's tail bumped my foot and I looked down. She was laying at our feet again, just watching the two of us intently. Mark smiled too, when he noticed. "Babe, I'm pretty sure Chica's adopted you now too. You've wormed your way into all aspects of my life very thoroughly, my lovely. But, for now" Mark stood up, pulling me up with him and grabbing Chica by the collar "the three of us need to head into the office. Come on ladies. Let's go for a ride." I nodded and picked up my carry on, grabbing my helmet and slipping it on my head as we walked out the bedroom door for the front door of the house. Mark handed Chica's collar to me, letting me lead her outside while he grabbed his wallet, keys, phone, and locked the door. I loaded Chica in the back and got in the front seat, next to Mark. Chica immediately stuck her head between the seats and rested her front paw on my arm. Mark made a 'Daaaaaw' sound, and started murmuring nonsense to Chica as he got buckled in and backed up. I just smiled under the helmet and stayed quiet. 

The drive to Mark's office was fast. Traffic was even in our favor, so the trip only took us about eight minutes. As soon as Mark parked in his spot, in the parking garage, I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out, going around and getting Chica too. The two of us waited for Mark at the back of his car. He grinned and led the way, stopping just long enough to undo the security and let us past. Chica, who had been in to the office many times, immediately headed off for the doggie bed that was set up for her, curling up and watching everyone from the corner. Tyler and Matthias were already there, as were another, younger, man and a woman. Mark led the way, seeing me drop back. I was clinging tightly to his hand, fighting nerves. I suspected the man, at least, was Ethan. I wasn't sure who the woman was, other than that she would have had to know Mark to be able to get into the office. Tyler stepped forward first. "Mark? What's going on?" 

I grinned under my helmet, suddenly realizing Tyler and Ethan had no idea I was going to be there that day, and probably not that Matthias would be either. Mark blushed. "Um, hi guys. Thanks for coming in today. And thanks for letting Matthias in Tyler. Have you guys been here long?" 

I giggled. Tyler crossed his arms. Ethan and Matthias looked confused. The woman looked curious. I took off my helmet. "Mark..." I shook my head. "Hi Tyler. Nice to meet you in person, this time." 

Tyler's eyes bugged out a little as I stepped out from behind Mark. "Holy shit. When? How did? I thought you weren't getting into town until tomorrow? And I didn't even see you behind Mark there. Um, hi." 

I giggled again. Then I turned to Mark and elbowed him. He looked at me, a little confused. I pointed with my head. "Can you please introduce me to everyone else here, babe? I like to know who I'm talking to, you know. And you should have told everyone this morning when you asked them to come in, that Matthias and I would be here." I raised an eyebrow. 

Mark blushed. "Sorry, babe. I was trying to surprise them. Um, okay. Babe, you know Tyler, we talked to him online. And you met Matthias this morning." I nodded an overly patient look on my face. Mark blushed a few shades brighter. "Right. Okay, those two are my editors, Ethan" he gestured to Ethan, "and Kathryn. Actually, I wasn't sure if she'd be here today. Ethan, Kathryn, this is my girlfriend, the infamous, [Y/Y/N], or if we aren't online, [Y/N]. She surprised me when she showed up on my doorstep last night after I got home from your place Ethan. I didn't think I'd be seeing her until late tomorrow either." 

I smiled at Kathryn and Ethan. "Hello. Nice to meet both of you." I wrapped my arms around Mark's waist and rested my head on his shoulder and looked around. Mark smiled at me and kissed the tip of my nose, making me giggle a little. 

Ethan laughed. "Wow. I can't believe you're actually here! And you really just surprised Mark like that? How come?" 

I chuckled. "Well, it wasn't exactly planned ahead. The flight I was supposed to be on was leaving tomorrow, but I had to change flights because the airline had some issues with a plane and that flight was way, way overbooked. Someone figured out I was likely to be on it and everyone assumed they would be able to suss out who I was and meet me if they were on the flight too. It actually caused me a lot of extra panic yesterday, but I got through it, with some help." I smiled a little and leaned into Mark a bit more. He wrapped his arms around me and smiled at me. "I'm just glad Mark was happy to see me last night after all that. I'd been awake and traveling for nearly twenty hours by that point and my brain was completely foggy. I stopped and got us some dinner on the way from the airport, to surprise him, because I was texting him while I rode in the Uber, but mostly by then, I was just a zombie." 

Mark laughed. "You weren't that bad sweetheart. You were just really stressed and tired. I felt a little bad for not having any idea you were on the way, but you definitely managed to keep it under wraps. And honestly, I was just so happy to see you, I didn't dare question it too much. I'm still half afraid this is all a dream and I'm going to wake up in the morning with you still in Ireland and me still here in LA." He blew out a sigh. I smiled softly and kissed his cheek, then rested a hand on his chest, still hugging him close. His smile brightened. "It's harder to convince myself this is all a dream when you keep doing that. Thank you. And I love the kisses, no matter why you give them to me." 

Tyler laughed, reminding us we weren't alone, bringing a faint blush to my cheeks. Mark just flapped a hand at the rest of his friends. Ethan grinned at us. "Well, you seem awesome, and you make Mark really happy, so welcome! Anyone who makes Mark this happy is definitely welcome around here. Your channel is really cool too." He bounced on the balls of his feet for a second. "One question though. How do you get so many videos a day done? Your editing is incredible too. Unless you have an editor who works for you?" 

I smiled at Ethan now and shook my head. "No, I just work fast. Actually, I'm a bit of a workaholic. Ask Jack or Mark. They have both seen me work, and they can vouch for the fact I edit really quickly. I just have a natural talent for that. Too bad I dislike doing it so much, or I could have had a career in that, years ago." I made a face, then turned my head into Mark's side, feeling overwhelmed by a bubble of shyness. Mark ran his hand down my back, soothing me, then lead the two of us over to the couch and sat down, pulling me down into his lap with him. I snuggled in close and rested my head on his shoulder, making him smile and kiss the top of my head. I hummed out a happy noise. Ethan chuckled. I blushed again and looked back up. "Sorry. I'm pretty shy and Mark's helping me handle this. I didn't mean to suddenly ignore all of you." 

Mark kissed my cheek now and kept rubbing my back. "Shh, baby, it's okay. You're doing great. No one was upset. We all understand and it's okay that you're shy. You just stay here with me and let me help you keep the anxiety at bay and everything will be fine. There's my girl." He smiled at me again as I nodded. 

Matthias smiled at me. "Hey, you seem to be handling meeting new people pretty well, from what Mark was telling us. He was saying how shy you are, so we would all be warned and not overwhelm you, if we could help it. Is there anything we can do to help now? Oh, and I have the food you guys asked for. It's over here." 

Mark smiled. "Thanks man. We should probably eat pretty soon. I know [Y/N] hardly ate yesterday anyway, mostly because she was traveling all day, but I need to make sure she gets some food today. Can't have her getting sick because she didn't eat, now can I?" 

I looked at Mark. "Hey. Mark, I can take care of myself, if I have to. Honestly, yesterday I ate plenty. I managed breakfast after I called you, before all the crazy shit with my unexpected travel started. So probably around six am, Irish time. Then I ate lunch with Felix and Marzia. And there was food on the flight from London to LA. Plus I ate a little last night, when I got the Chinese food for you. So hush." 

Mark grinned. "Yeah, but I bet none of those meals were very big. Besides, that was really over two days' time, so my point still stands. You get busy and don't eat enough. Just let me feed you now. It will make me happy, okay?" I sighed, rolled my eyes, and nodded. Mark's grin widened. "Good. I like it when you let me take care of you." He kissed me again. 

I blushed. "Mark! You do know we aren't alone, right? I mean, you remember you are right in front of your friends, right?" 

Tyler laughed. "God, you should see some of the things he's done in the past. Mark doesn't care. He just does whatever. Just ask his Mom." 

Mark blushed a little. "Hey now! I'm not that bad. And I doubt if my friends mind if we kiss, baby. Besides, I just can't help myself. You're just too kissable. And incredibly cuddly. And sweet. And many, many other things, most of which I will spare the rest of the room from sharing at this point. But I get your meaning. I'll behave, at least a little, for now. We can sit here, snuggle, and eat while we plan what we are going to record for the day and what the plan for the week is going to be. Um, Tyler? Have you had a chance to go over my business emails for appearance requests yet?" 

Tyler shook his head. "Not really. I was planning on working on that today. Why? Is there one I should be on the lookout for?" 

I giggled and nodded. "A few. Some of the talk shows that have been trying to book me have decided to contact Mark as well. It seems we are an even bigger draw together, as a power couple, and honesty, I'm happy to have the support when I have to be doing that kind of thing." I looked down. "I'll probably have to explain to all of you why, at least a little, I have some of the panic and anxiety issues I do, but I can't right now. Just know that the fear of being unmasked or exposed, being grabbed, or something happening to Mark will make me spiral out into a panic attack instantly. It might be so bad it kills me." 

Mark pulled me in closer and hugged me. I shivered. He just kept holding me, rocking very gently. "Shh, babe, I got you. Nobody is going to take you from me. Nothing is going to happen to me. And no one who you haven't told knows who you are. It's okay. Just relax." 

I looked into Mark's eyes and lost my train of thought, the love and worry I saw for me there overwhelming whatever I had been about to express. I couldn't look away any more than I could suddenly sprout wings and fly. Mark seemed to get swallowed up in whatever he saw in my eyes too. It was as though our souls were communicating directly and we had no way to stop ourselves, to look away. Time seemed to stop for both of us as we just silently shared a moment of pure communication, understanding, and love. A hand on Mark's shoulder brought him back with a blink that broke the spell on both of us. Ethan was standing next to us, looking worried. "Mark? [Y/N]? Are you guys okay? You both just went quiet and still. We couldn't get your attention either. What happened?" 

Mark shook his head, looking slightly dazed. I bit my lip and looked down. "I don't quite know. Mark was just reassuring me when he looked into my eyes, but something deeper seemed to pass between us. I can't... Words don't..." I took a deep breath. "I don't know." 

Mark chuckled. "Yeah, that. Exactly that. I think both our brains just shorted out a little trying to talk to each other without words directly through our eyes or something. It was really intense. And I didn't even hear you guys say anything." 

I blushed. "Me either. Time seemed to stop too. It was like Mark looked at me then suddenly Ethan, you were just standing there looking worried." I looked down again. "Sorry for making you guys worry." 

Mark shook his head and lifted my chin with one hand again. "Baby, stop it. Not everything is your fault. Just calm down and relax, okay? All the stress from traveling yesterday has made you really jumpy today. You just seem all out of sorts. That's part of why I want to keep you close so much. I'm afraid you're going to have a panic attack and just collapse or something if I let you go." I blinked, thinking hard about the day so far. Mark was probably right. I felt like everything was just slightly off, disjointed, and my brain was running at about seventy percent of normal. I shivered again and curled into him. Mark shook his head, a small smile on his lips as he looked at me. "So I was right?" I nodded wordlessly, curling in tighter. He hummed a soft sound and rubbed a hand down my back. "Okay, you just stay here and try to relax as best you can, okay? Did you need to take your medicine this morning? Do you need me to get you anything sweetheart? Just tell me if you do." 

I looked up into Mark face. "Um..." 

He grinned. "You completely forgot your medicines, didn't you?" 

I nodded. "I'm so sorry, Mark. That's never happened to me before. But that's probably why I'm so off kilter today." I fidgeted a little as I tried to explain. "I... I better take the panic stuff and my ADHD medicines. I can't believe I forgot to take them this morning." 

Mark chuckled. "Yeah, well, that's probably my fault. We were distracted, getting you settled in last night, then trying to figure out the plan for today. I kind of made you come on that run before you were very awake yet. I didn't even think about stopping to take any medicine." I kissed me gently. "I'm going to totally take the blame on this one. Now, do you have any of your pills with you?" 

I shook my head, still curled up in a ball in Mark's lap. He sighed. I looked at him. "Mark, baby, this isn't your fault." I hugged him. "Really. I should have kept track of my own stuff better." 

Ethan, who was still standing close by, moved his hand to my shoulder. "Hey, this sounds more like it was just a mistake. Neither one of you are really to blame. I'm sorry you aren't feeling well though, [Y/N]. It sucks that travel makes you sick." 

I looked up at Ethan and smiled faintly. He smiled back, an open sunny expression. The complete lack of judgement on his face made me feel a lot better. I looked around. No one seemed to be upset or judging me. It actually calmed my brain and nerves a lot more than I expected. I didn't realize my smile was getting a little bigger and steadier as I looked at everyone but Mark noticed and he smiled at me now too. I blinked at him, then smiled bigger. "Hi. You look like I was gone somewhere far away. Did I space out on you again?" Mark nodded softly, still smiling. I sighed and shook my head a little, my curls bouncing madly. "I'm sorry. Until I get my medicine back in my system, I'm going to be a mess. Maybe at lunch we can run back to your place and grab my pills? I really should take one of the anti-anxiety ones too. You were right. The travel yesterday just scrambled my brain too much. That's probably why I forgot my other stuff this morning too." 

Mark booped the end of my nose with a finger. "Whatever you need baby. Seriously. If you need to go home now, we can. I'm sure no one would mind. Tyler, Kathryn, and Ethan all have other things they can work on. Matthias can either hang out and relax, or work on stuff on one of our other computers, or head home and come back later. You are way more important to me than any video." 

I blushed brightly and buried my head in Mark's chest at his words. I knew he meant them, every one of them, but they made me feel shy, embarrassed, and somehow unworthy. "Mark..." He pulled me up so he could look into my eyes, making me face him. "I know you mean that. But I also know how that makes me feel. I'm not..." I tried to look down, away from his eyes, but he held me in place with a hand. My voice broke as I whispered the rest of my thought. "I'm not that special..." 

Mark's eyes got sad. I could see how deeply my saying that, believing that, hurt him, but I couldn't help feeling that way. He didn't respond other than to pull me in close again and press his lips against my forehead in a kiss, then just holding me close. "Yes, you are baby. God, I wish I could make you believe me. I mean, I know why you think you aren't but, you are worth so much more than you believe, to so many people. And you mean so much to me, it's almost scary. So please, don't say things like that. Don't even think them, okay? I love you too much to hear it, especially from you, said that way." He looked at me again, unshed tears in his own eyes. I tried to look away, but he held me firmly in place, both with a gentle hand and with his steady gaze. I felt his pain, fear, and sorrow for me in a way I couldn't explain, flowing into me through the look he was sharing with me. I felt almost ashamed now that I had been putting myself down, even if I did still feel unworthy of his love and affection. Mark must have picked up on that because he let my chin go and hugged me close again. "Babe... Someday, somehow, I hope you can see yourself how other people, especially me, see you. You'd never doubt yourself again. And I didn't mean to make you feel bad for having those feelings. Like I said, I know why they are there. I'm just going to work my hardest to make damn sure you know they are bull. Now, let's dry those tears and you can give me a kiss and we'll cuddle until you feel better, okay? I love you sweetheart." I hadn't even been aware I was crying until Mark said this, but now I realized I had tear tracks down my cheeks and had soaked a good portion of his shirt with my tears as well. I blushed a little. Mark just smiled softly. 

As Mark tenderly wiped my cheeks and dried my tears, Chica came over and climbed in my lap. I relaxed and started petting her, leaning against Mark. Mark was soon just stroking a soothing hand down my back and shoulders, trying to help me relax the rest of the way, while I petted Chica on the other side. It worked a little too well. I fell asleep rather suddenly, nodding off with my head tucked into Mark's chest and Chica curled into me. I woke up, an unknown amount of time later, Chica asleep next to me, Mark still sitting where he had been, mostly, his laptop now in his lap so he could work on other things. I opened my eyes and looked around without moving other than that, in the hopes that no one would notice. Ethan and Kathryn were working on what looked like editing from where I was sitting. Tyler had a number of screens open and was looking back and forth between them and his phone. Matthias was facing a screen that was angled so I couldn't see it, so I wasn't sure what he was doing. I closed my eyes again and mentally gathered myself, centering myself as best I could, hoping I'd be able to get through the rest of the day without having any more meltdowns. When I opened my eyes this time, the first thing I saw was Mark, smiling into my face, drawing out a smile of my own. "Hey. Sorry for falling asleep like that. I didn't mean to trap you in place either. Do you need me to move so you can get some work done?" I yawned. "I think jet lag is kicking my ass today. Well, that and having such a long ass day yesterday." I shook my head, ruefully. "I should not stay up for over twenty hours in a row, I guess. My body doesn't seem to like it." 

Mark stroked a hand down my back. "You stay right there, baby. I like having you here, where I can keep an eye on you. And yes, you should have slept on the plane, but I understand why you couldn't. When you get panicky, that tends to be how you react, then you just feel exhausted after, I know. I didn't mind having you sleep on me. Tyler brought my laptop over, and I was working on social media. Ethan and Kathryn were editing some of my back videos. Tyler was going over my business email account. You were right baby, I have a bunch of requests for appearances on talk shows with you now. We'll have to sit down together, with Tyler, and figure out which ones to say yes to." Mark smiled at me again and leaned forward enough to kiss me sweetly. 

I hummed softly. "Mm. Okay. I've already said yes to some, so if you had offers to be on those, it would be nice if you agreed to them too. Other than that, we'll have to look together, later. Now, what time is it?" I stretched and started to stand up, but Mark held me in place. 

"No, you stay here. I'm too comfy with you where you are, and you'll displace Chica. She's been cuddled into your side ever since you got settled down earlier. I think she loves you nearly as much as I do, sweetheart. And it's around ten." 

I smiled and turned to face Mark. "Mark, love, I wasn't going far. I just need to stand up and stretch my legs and back for a minute. Besides, I was just going to go use the bathroom and get a drink. My mouth is drier than the desert, I swear. I feel like I haven't had a drink in about six months. Bleah." I stuck my tongue out slightly, earning a small smile from Mark at my words. 

Mark chuckled. "Well, I can hand you a drink without you moving. I guess I'll have to let you go, for the bathroom." He frowned slightly. "I wish I didn't have to though. Oh, and Tyler went home and grabbed your med bag for me. I have it here now, so you can take any of your pills you need. Then we can plan what to film this afternoon and get some lunch. You know, babe, you fell asleep before you ate anything. You've hardly eaten in the last two days. You need some food. I'm watching you. I'm going to know if you don't eat enough at lunch. Don't make me get tough on you." 

I sighed as I stood up. I shook my head, leaned down and kissed Mark where he was sitting, and headed off for the bathroom. After I used the toilet, washed my hands and finger combed my hair, I came back and sat down, next to Mark and Chica. Mark immediately pulled me back into his lap, despite my protests. "Markimoo, sweetie, I can sit next to you, so you can work better." 

Mark just grinned. "Nope. I work better with you right here. You keep me calm, knowing you're safe and happy too. Now, what do you want to drink? We have tea, water, milk, juice, or a few diet sodas. Let me know if you want something different too. We can get whatever else when we order the food for lunch in a little while." I thought for a minute, then asked for a bottle of water. Mark nodded and handed it over, along with my medicine bag. I fished out my ADHD pills, my anti-anxiety pill, and an allergy pill, just to be on the safe side and took them all with a sip of water. Then I repacked the bag and drank another few sips of water, trying to get my mouth back to normal. Mark just smiled as he watched me, taking the bag from me when I was done, and tucking it out of the way. I just smiled and tucked myself into a ball under Mark's chin, curling into Mark's chest. Mark's smile got brighter. "Comfy sweetheart?" I nodded. "Good. You just stay right there then. I love you so much. Thank you for staying here, with me, and not fighting me on this. I like feeling like you'll let me take care of you." 

I smiled up into his face now. "I like it when you take care of me too. I just wish you didn't have to so often." I sighed. "I like being able to take care of myself too." 

Mark nodded and kissed my cheek, then ran a hand down my cheek. "I know baby. And you usually do a fantastic job of it. I just like being able to take care of you when I'm with you, just like you like taking care of me, when you're with me. Don't pretend you don't like cooking for me and pampering me every bit as much as I like taking care of you." 

I grinned. "I can't deny it, Mark. You know I do. Mm. Speaking of cooking, are you going to let me make you some chicken and dumplings soon? Or are you going to insist I rest and relax for the next few days, even though I really like cooking? I mean, I don't mind not cooking tonight, mainly because I'm not feeling tip top today and I'm still pretty tired, but I should be back to normal by tomorrow. Are you going to let me loose on your kitchen then? Please?" 

Mark laughed. "Maybe. We'll have to go shopping first. I barely have any food that isn't instant or ready-made right now. We can plan a shopping trip before long though and make a list after you have the chance to go through my cupboards with me and tell me what I need to buy. Which will probably be everything, honestly. But that's for another day. Today, you just relax with Chica for the moment and this afternoon we can all record a fun video of us playing some games. What do you want to play, sweetheart?" 

I bit my lip and thought for a minute. "Well, I'd love to play either Cards Against Humanity or Truth or Dare. But I'll do just about anything with you, if you ask me nicely Mark. I'm sweet like that." Mark raised an eyebrow and gave me a suggestive look. I grinned and wriggled in closer to him, then booped his nose with a finger. "Watch it Mark. Remember, I wear a helmet on camera. I can definitely embarrass you a lot more than you can get to me, lover boy. And I can hide it a whole lot better." I grinned wider, suddenly showing teeth, and leaned in close, whispering to him. "I don't have to hide behind a table if I get excited either, love. And no one else is gonna know..." 

Mark flushed and grinned at me, his 'interest' growing under me as we spoke. I giggled. "Baby, I love you, but you're being a brat, you know that right? You wouldn't really get me all worked up on camera, just to embarrass me would you?" 

I kissed him and shook my head, still grinning. "Not 'just' to embarrass you, Mark. That's just a side benefit." Mark looked outraged. I laughed softly. "I'm kidding sweetheart. I wouldn't really do that to you." I leaned into him again. "Calm down, baby. You should know I wouldn't do anything that would hurt you or even cause you long term embarrassment. I couldn't do that to you. I'm just teasing you." 

Mark looked into my eyes and swallowed. "I... Baby, you were just too convincing. Damn. What am I going to do with you?" 

I met his gaze and raised an eyebrow. "Love me? How does that sound? I know that's what I'm going to do with you." Mark nodded, then suddenly leaned forward and kissed me passionately. I blinked and melted into the kiss, my brain shorting out momentarily. A low whistle and cheers from Mark's friends brought both of us back to reality. I blushed brightly. Mark just rested his head against mine and smiled softly into my eyes. I just blinked, trying to unscramble my brain a bit. 

Mark grinned. "Aw, baby, did I fry your brain?" I nodded. He chuckled. "Poor baby. That's what you get for being a brat, I guess. I love you anyway though." I smiled and settled back against Mark's chest again. Chica picked her head up and looked at us both of a minute then settled back down and resumed her nap. I gave her a head rub, earning me a brief tail wag before Chica fell back asleep, and a smile from Mark. Then I pulled out my phone and decided I was going to focus on social media and answering my fans for a while. Mark went back to his social media as well. Everyone worked quietly until about eleven forty five when Ethan looked up and stretched. 

"Guys, I'm taking a break. I don't know when you guys are going to be ready to eat, or what you want to order for food, but we should probably get the food early and film sooner, rather than later. That way, Kathryn and I can get out of here at a reasonable time tonight and Matthias can get home before it gets too late. Maybe we should order the food now? Or at least decide what we want and where we want to get stuff from." 

I smiled at Ethan and nodded, noticing how unsure he looked. "That sounds like a great idea. I never did eat anything this morning. What sounds good to everybody? I only ask for us to order someplace that doesn't use peanut oil to cook with or in their sauces." I looked down. 

Ethan chuckled. "Yeah. Actually, we already have to look out for that. I'm allergic to peanuts. Are you too?" I nodded. He grinned. "Great! We can watch out for each other then. Having a buddy to watch your back with food labels is always a big help, not that everybody around here isn't really careful already." 

I felt my shoulders relax as I smiled brightly. "Thank god. It's always so stressful, having to worry if somebody's going to offer me something with nuts without thinking about it. At home, I just make sure nothing has anything in it when I buy it, so it's not around, but..." I sighed. "There's so much stuff that has hidden contamination that people wouldn't expect, like potato chips or even vitamins. It makes me look a little obsessive in the stores, reading all the labels." 

Ethan nodded. "Yeah, I know. My family all comments the same things and I have the same problems. The only totally safe products are raw meats, produce, and things like dairy and eggs. Basically, the components for dishes, instead of the completed meals." 

I grinned. "Yet another reason I learned to cook. Maybe while I'm here I can cook at least once for you. I'd really enjoy it, if I can manage to squeeze it in, time wise, and Mark will let me get away long enough to. But he likes my cooking too, so it would be worth his while too, so he shouldn't be **that** hard to convince. We'll have to see though. Also it's going to depend on what dish you were going to request I make. Some things take a lot more time than others." 

Mark made a grumpy face. "Hey! Why are you making it sound like I'm going to prevent you from doing this if you really want to? And why are you volunteering before you find out what food Ethan wants you to make, anyway? What if he wants something that takes all day? I might not want to give you up for that long..." 

I giggled. "And that's why I said what I said, Mark. Relax. Even if whatever Ethan requests is time consuming, I haven't said yes, yet, and you could always help me make it. Then you could spend the whole day with me, doing something I really, really enjoy." I leaned in close and whispered a further comment. "And I might have to do something you might really, really enjoy to make it up to you, alone, afterward. As a reward, loverboy. Just keep that in mind." I winked at him and turned back to the rest of the room as Mark blinked and then growled softly in my ear. I smiled at everyone, a soft, open smile, ignoring Mark for the moment. 

Mark just leaned in closer and nibbled my ear, still growling softly. "Babe, you're torturing me now. You're so soft and sweet here, in my arms, and you're saying all these wonderfully wicked things... Please don't stop. You make me feel so good, all the time, even when it's embarrassing." Mark kissed me by my ear again and addressed me loud enough so the whole room could hear him again. "Now, time to figure out what to eat. What do you think you can eat, sweetheart? What sounds good? Hm?" 

I shot him a wicked glance, making him blush faintly and he gave me a warning look, but also looked amused until both Tyler and Ethan started laughing. "Mark, I think you might be in trouble. All your girlfriend had to do was look at you and you got all hot and bothered. What is she, psychic?" 

I grinned at Tyler. "Yes. Yes, I am. Do not doubt my powers. You'll soon see. Everyone will. Mark knows better than to doubt me. Even Jack and Signe know better. You can call them up and ask them if you want." I paused. "But I'd wait a little while if I were you. They're busy right now." Mark looked at me and raised an eyebrow. I grinned. He shook his head, mystified as always. Matthias, Tyler, Ethan and Kathryn just looked skeptical. I chuckled. "Really. They won't pick up if you call. They would if I called, because of my panic issues, but I'm not calling unless it's an emergency. I'm not interrupting them. Besides, I don't need to see that, again. Thank you VERY much." 

Ethan blinked at me. "See what? What's going on?" 

Mark looked at me, his jaw dropped slightly. "What?! How the hell do you... Okay, that's way beyond creepy. Does Jack know you can do that?" I grinned and shook my head. 

"Should I tell him? I figured it would just freak him out. Honestly, it's not something I want to think about too hard." I blushed. "And let's focus on somethings else. Like I said, I kind of think of Jack as a brother, so this is really getting more than a bit creepy. And Signe is my best friend, so I already know way more than I really wanted to about their sex life anyway." 

Mark laughed. "Babe, I'm just glad your connection with them only works this way. Can you imagine the calls we'd get if it went the other way? God." Mark shook his head, then kissed me gently on the cheek. I smiled and rested my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes and relaxing. "Hey! You distracted me again. You really do need to eat something, baby. Aren't you hungry?" 

I looked down. "Not really, Mark. Honestly, I've been fighting nausea all day. I just didn't want to mention it to you, mostly because I didn't want to worry you. It goes along with the panic, stress, and anxiety. If we wait an hour or two, after my medicine has had more of a chance to work, I might be hungry, but then again, I might just not have much appetite today. A few days of not eating a whole lot aren't going to kill me, I promise. And I will try to eat something today, if I think I can keep it down. I just don't feel very good. That's part of why I said I could wait to cook until tomorrow too. You know how much I love to cook. So you know how bad I must feel if I'm saying I don't want to face the kitchen today. But I'll be okay, I promise. Travel is kind of tough on me sometimes. Other times, it's easy breezy, like when we came back from PAX East. I never know, so I just have to mentally prepare for the worst and hope for the best." I reached a hand up and stroked it down Mark's cheek. "But that's why, for the most part today, I'm just going to be a lump by your side, not doing much unless I have to. I'm tired, emotional, and out of sorts from stress. My medicine got all out of balance, my brain didn't handle the time change well or the twenty plus hours straight of being awake and the time change, and all the stress just compounded the problems. So yeah, I'm not at my best today. I'll be a lot better tomorrow though." I smiled and yawned yet again. 

Matthias shook his head at me. "Hey, if you don't feel up to recording with us today, you don't have to. I really was just trying to make sure Mark wasn't going to spend the day either moping around or panicking and freaking out about whether everything was perfect for when you got here. I guess you getting here ahead of schedule, surprising him the way you did, kind of took that pressure off him." Matthias smiled. "Oh, hang on a minute." He held up a finger and did something on his phone, then grinned at us both. "My wife, Amanda Faye, wants to meet you. She's invited you, and Mark, of course, to dinner tonight, at our house. You can come over and meet our baby daughter too. Luna's perfect and sweet, but then again, I might be a little biased. Okay, other than the peanut allergy, any food issues I should alert Amanda about?" 

I smiled and shook my head. "Nope. I'm not particularly picky or anything. Just no nuts. Um, and that particularly includes walnuts. I'm actually just as allergic to them as I am peanuts. Oh, and maybe no onions and green bell peppers. Red, orange or yellow bell peppers are fine, but the green ones bother my stomach a lot for some reason and onions do too, if I'm already having stomach issues. Thanks." Matthias nodded and started texting his wife back. 

Ethan grinned at me. "Good thing you mentioned about the other nuts. I can eat other nuts without a problem as long as they aren't made with peanut oil. I wouldn't have thought to watch out for that for you. Is it all nuts, or just peanuts and walnuts?" 

My smile turned a little rueful. "Almost all nuts. Pecans, pistachios, and almonds are the only nuts that don't seem bother me, and they have to be dry roasted or raw. Usually, I feel like it's just not worth the risk. I have a cousin who has a nut allergy too, almost as severe as me, and we have both been hospitalized for it before. Our whole family is on the alert for the symptoms, just in case something accidentally slips through. But don't worry too much. Like I said, I have an Epipen, and I know the signs of what it feels like before I have more than just the bare beginnings of a problem. I'm just grateful to have other people around who are aware I have an issue and can watch out for me too. So thanks." I looked down. 

Mark hugged me close. "Hey. Of course I'm going to watch out for you, in any way I can. You could have told me about your allergies before this. Honestly. Are there any other allergies you have I should know about? Non-food allergies maybe?" 

I nodded. "Um, yeah. I'm deathly allergic to bees. And I'm allergic to penicillin and a few other antibiotics. I have a MedicAlert necklace." I held it up with a finger. "I always wear it when I travel. There's a number for emergency crews to call with all my allergies and a list of my medical files attached. It's a good thing for you to know about too. One side lists the really dangerous things, the life threatening stuff. The other side has the barcode, the MedicAlert symbol and my ID number." I sighed. "It's an international database, so the information travels with me no matter where in the world I am. It's saved me more than once." 

Mark frown slightly. "What do you mean, sweetheart? Saved you from what?" 

I bit my lip. "Bee stings, nuts, and asthma attacks mostly, Mark. The number on the necklace can be accessed by rescue squads in any ambulance or rescue vehicle anywhere in the world. Even when the person wearing it can't talk because of the reaction or asthma attack. Rescue workers are trained to look for these necklaces and bracelets, and in some cases shoelaces, for kids, to give them the information they need to help save the person's life, whenever they can. The only unfortunate thing is how expensive these necklaces, bracelets, and things are. And how expensive maintaining the databases are. I can afford it, but I know a lot of other people who can't, and I haven't always been able to. Now that I can afford it, I send extra, as charitable donations, to sponsor people who can't afford the memberships. It also gets free jewelry out to the people who need it, who can't afford to buy it for themselves, and have it engraves with their allergy and medical info. I usually try to sponsor one or two people every three months, if I can. I'd love to do more, but I can't always, or I forget." I sighed. "I guess, with YouTube paying me now, I'll be able to do so even more now." I smiled. "I'll have to set that up, so I don't forget. I can start a permanent scholarship, or whatever they call that, fund to sponsor new people. Maybe even a couple of new people every month." 

Mark smiled at me. "Baby, I had no idea you were involved in helping that charity. It sounds like you help a lot of different charities, from what you've been telling me." I nodded. Mark's smile got bigger and he pulled me in closer to him and kissed me. "I love that. I love you too, but I love hearing that someone has been generous and helped other people." 

I smiled brighter. "Mark, I already told you, you are the reason I started sending money to charities. Well, you and your fellow YouTubers." I sighed and leaned into Mark's chest again, closing my eyes and getting comfy. I could feel Mark's smile as he settled in beside me now as well. I looked at Mark. "Babe, I just realized, you never figured out what to do about lunch. You guys better order something." 

Mark grinned at me. "Good catch sweetheart. Can you stand anything?" I sighed and shook my head, making a face. Honestly I was feeling a little green just thinking of food. Mark looked a little sad, but nodded and kissed my cheek, then pulled me back in close to his chest, letting me hide my face from the food discussion. I played with my phone, distracting myself until I felt Mark gently lifting it from my fingers, trying to get my attention. I looked up at him. "Hey, there you are. I was trying to get your attention for several minutes now. We were going to record a video before lunch, a quick one, then settle in and do a few more after we all eat. Do you want to join us?" 

I smiled. "Sure. What are we doing first? Let me just slip my helmet back on and I'll be all set. You can introduce me on camera whenever you're ready, Mark." I stood up and walked over to the seat he indicated, sliding my helmet into place as I walked, straightening my shirt as I went. Mark smiled at me. "All set. Go ahead whenever you're ready." 

Mark chuckled. Ethan blinked. "Um, the rest of us still need to get ready. Give us a minute. Geez. Are you always ready to roll that fast? No wonder you can get so many videos out!" 

I laughed. "Oh, not always. But having the helmet helps. I just slide it on and boom, no hair or makeup to mess with. Not that I ever really mess with them anyway. Even before I wore the helmet, I wasn't exactly girly. I think Mark's only seen me do my makeup a couple of times, for dates. And I like simple hairstyles, that don't require a lot of styling or maintenance time. Actually, I generally like most of my life to be low key and low maintenance." 

Ethan started laughing. "Then how on earth did you end up dating _MARK_? Or doing YouTube, for God's sake? Both of those require a lot of energy." 

I grinned. "I said low key, not low energy. I have more energy than half the planet I think. Even Jack thinks I have too much energy, half the time. And both Mark and YouTube are good fits for me, for whatever reason. So hush, they make me very happy." I flapped a hand. 

Mark came over to me and hugged me again. "You make me incredibly happy too, my love. And I have to agree, you do have boundless energy, usually. I know I couldn't have stayed up for twenty plus hours straight yesterday to be awake when you landed in LA, regardless of the stress you were under. I have trouble keeping up with you most of the time, so I'm glad you're taking a slow day today and just catching up on your rest." Mark kissed my shoulder. "Now, I was thinking we could do the whisper challenge. Unless you have something you would rather do?" 

I nodded. "Well, actually, yeah. How about the Disney song challenge? You haven't done that one on your channel in ages, and it will be fun." Everyone agreed and got settled. We all had a blast, and got about three videos worth of footage. When the food came, Mark called a stop and went to go pay. I got up and went over to play with Chica. After a few minutes I took my helmet off, but then had to run for the bathroom, as the smell of the food actually made me sick. I had to lay down for a while after that and ended up curled up next to Mark, asleep again. I woke back up not long after and we continued filming for the afternoon, getting videos done of Cards Against Humanity and several challenge videos. All in all, Mark, Ethan, Matthias, and I all got about ten or twelve videos a piece for our channels by the end of the day, to be edited later. By then we were all ready to stop for the afternoon and Chica was ready for some attention. I spent a good twenty minutes or so playing with Chica and petting her while Mark, Ethan, Kathryn, and Matthias worked on getting the footage saved and a few rough edits started. I chuckled to myself as I watched, grinning when Mark looked over at me and smiled several times, making faces at how cute Chica and I were together, or when he made a comment out loud, unable to contain his feelings any longer. 

At ten minutes to six, Mark came over and gently picked me up off the floor, sat down where I had been sitting, and settled me in his lap, pulling Chica in close. Chica came willingly, burying Mark and I both in doggy love now, and I cuddled in just as close to Mark. He grinned at both of us. "Ah, that's so much better. Both my beautiful girls, sticking close to me, showing me how much they love me. I could stay like this forever." 

I grinned. "Your fans might object, sweetie. Besides, eventually you would have to get up and do things, like go to the bathroom, go get food, or go do something else. I think you'd want to go exercise, or go meet fans too. But this is nice, for the moment. I like snuggling with you, when you have the time. And Chica is great too." I pressed a kiss into Mark's cheek and leaned my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes and yawning. Mark smiled and rubbed my back with one hand, a silent encouragement for me to rest. I nodded once and settled in, shifting just a little until I was comfortable, making Mark hum out a happy noise and Chica shift closer and rest her head in my lap as well. I sighed and hummed out a happy noise of my own before drifting off to sleep, content. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's the new chapter, all fresh and shiny. Yes, this is supposed to be a little choppy. It's written that way on purpose, to represent how the character is feeling (the disjointed and choppy feeling she is experiencing is how I tried to write the chapter). Next chapter shou;d be up soon, I hope. I'm sick --again, I'm fighting off sepsis, this time in my jaw. It's making me feel like death warmed over. 
> 
> So Mark's show in Philly was amazing, even if Mark did accidentally kick Ethan in the head. XD The crowd was SUPER loud though, I felt like I was being deafened the whole time. Definitely a fun evening though.
> 
> And sorry for the slightly longer than expected time for this to come out. I've been really struggling with my health and some depression for the past few weeks, making my writing turn out kind of shitty. I've had to scrap and rewrite a lot more than I'd care to admit. I wish 2017 would just be over already and 2018 would be a HELL of a lot better than either 2016 or 2017. These have been the hardest two years of my life and just sucked so hard, it's a wonder I'm still sane, I swear. Anyway... Yeah, hopefully, the next chapter of whatever will be out before long, but no promises. At this point all I can say is, it will be out as soon as I can finish something, provided the power and internet aren't out, again. Also didn't help that I kept losing parts of the chapter to random internet outages and downtime in my neighborhood. Comcast, fix yo shit...
> 
> Now edited thanks to the our fantastic new beta, Shae_Renuel. Thank you again for helping me with this! I didn't take every single suggestion you made and run with it, true, but I did use most of them. They helped a LOT! (2/7/2018)


	27. Dinner with Matthias *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title says, dinner with Matthias and his family, then an evening alone with Mark.

I woke up after only about twenty minutes to a very gentle kiss from Mark. He looked almost regretful to be waking me, but very happy I was there and calm. I smiled and blinked sleepily at him. "Hi handsome. Whatcha need?" 

Mark grinned at me. "You are too cute sometimes for words, babe. Now is one of them. Actually, we need to get up and leave. Matthias said it's time to head to his house for dinner now, or in a few minutes anyway. We can stop at home and grab anything you need, if you want. Chica can either stay home, in the back yard, or she can come with us. Matt told me either one was fine. I noticed she seemed to be helping you stay calm a lot today, so I thought I'd ask you before we headed out. What do you think? Should we drop Chica-bica at home with some din-din and her toys? Or is she going to come with us and get to meet some extra friends and get some treats?" Mark addressed the last two comments to Chica, sort of, rubbing her ears and face, and petting her, generally just playing with her. 

I smiled and cuddled into the dog more. "Hmm. She's been great today. She has absolutely helped keep me steady and calm, even before the medicines kicked in. I think I'd kind of prefer to have her stick with us tonight, just to be on the safe side. I'm sure Matthias and his family are lovely, and I'd be fine with just you there, but I'd rather know Chica was there too and not have to worry at all. She just seemed to know when I needed her today. And yesterday, even though you had just brought me in the door, she was so welcoming, and she was just so sweet. I'm really glad, for whatever reason, she's decided to adopt me." 

Mark chuckled. "Babe, it might have something to do with the fact that she hears your voice almost as often as she hears mine lately. And she sees you on the computer screen, talking to me, more often than she sees me talk to my family. Yes, I haven't known you that long, but I started talking to you almost daily several months ago. Chica's been there for most of those calls, at my feet mostly, or in the room at least. She's used to hearing your voice. In fact, she often runs into the room when she hears you online now. When I played back the video of our PAX event, where the mic was under your helmet? Chica came running in the room and looked confused for a minute, then just settled in and listened with me while I watched it back. She knows you're important to me, same way she knows some of our other friends are important, but less so. I don't talk to them nearly as often. Chica's reactions aren't nearly as strong to them either." Mark rubbed a hand down my cheek. "Baby, Chica tends to know my feelings before I do, according to my friends and family. If they're right, which I suspect they might be, Chica probably loves you almost as much as I do." 

I smiled and leaned into both Mark and Chica. "Good. I love both of you too. God, I love dogs, I always have. And Chica's a great one. She's friendly, happy, cuddly, and sweet, but she's not so hyper or overwhelming that it's hard for me, even though I'm not around dogs much. I didn't grow up with dogs so sometimes they can actually trigger my anxiety too, but Chica's been perfect." I rubbed Chica's belly, earning a look of pure adoration and much tail wagging and cuddling closer from Chica and a grin from Mark. 

"Hey! That's cheating! Using her secret, never-fail spot to steal my dog from me. But my puppo still loves me. Right Chica-bica? You still love your daddy?" 

I grinned at him as he made a face at Chica and puckered his lips up in Chica's face. Chica glanced at him then looked back at me and panted, ignoring Mark again. I giggled and leaned over giving him a kiss, despite his crushed and outraged look. "It's okay, Markimoo. I still love you, even if I did steal Chica's heart for the moment. Or at least her attention. Besides, I'd rather you save your lips and kisses for me, rather than your dog, no matter how wonderful she is. Not that I get jealous, but I'd rather not kiss someone who's just been kissing a dog." I grinned mischievously. "I can make an occasional exception, I suppose, but really, I'd rather not make a habit of it. Now, your dog and I are going to go have dinner with your friends. Are you going to sit here like a whiny baby and pout, or are you going to come join us, then spend some quality _alone_ time with your girlfriend who travelled halfway around the world to see you yesterday?" I stayed close to his face, just a whisper from his lips, smiling. "I know what I'm hoping you'll say, but if you're too tired or heartbroken over Chica's betrayal..." 

Mark blinked and closed the distance between us, pulling me into him, hard. "Never. Never ever. No. Never, ever, ever. I could have been dead a week and I would still get up and follow you home, somehow, I'm sure." 

I blinked. "Eww. Mark, the mental picture I got from that... And the mental smell..." 

Mark chuckled. "Okay, yeah, I didn't think that through. The point still stands. I'd follow you anywhere babe. Even without the prospect of the alone time you hinted at, which sounds amazing, but you really don't need to bribe me with that. Sweetheart, I know you must still be tired from traveling yesterday and I suspect you don't feel very good and you're still trying to hide it from me, much as I wish you wouldn't. I know you're an incredibly strong woman. You can let me see when you need help. I won't be mad, or judge, or think you're weak, or whatever you're worried about." 

I blinked. A ghost from my past flicker across my brain, but I battled it back and just shook my head. "Some other time, Mark, sweetie, I'll explain. Okay? I really do promise. I'm really not feeling that bad right now. Most of the anxiety is gone now, between the naps and the medicines kicking in, and that cleared up most of my stomach issues too. It's still going to be a little sensitive for a day or too, mostly just too much acid and maybe I'll be a bit less hungry than I should be, but I can manage. I've been through a lot worse, as I told you." I looked down. Mark wrapped his arms around me and just held me for a minute, looking concerned. I snuggled into the warmth and comfort he was offering, silently consoling myself and mentally gathering my thoughts, getting back to normal. Mark just kept watching me, holding me as long as I needed, silently offering whatever support he could provide. I smiled at him after a minute, then kissed him. "I'm okay, sweetheart. Just a little shaky still from all the travel trauma and my medicines getting so out of whack. By tomorrow, I should be totally back to normal. Or as normal as I ever get." 

Mark kissed me gently. "Hey now, I like your normal." He smiled at me again, then hugged me. "I always like you. And your normal is closer to most people's than mine, so it fits well with me. You make things around me run smoother. Haven't you noticed? Where you stumble, I tend to be stronger, socially anyway. You tend to thrive a lot more where I struggle, keeping on top of details and planning. It's part of why we fit together so well, I think, babe. We compliment the best parts of each other without making either of us uncomfortable or feel useless." Mark's smile turned a little sentimental and softer, yet somehow more intimate. "I know, instinctively, you would never push me aside to do something yourself, but you push me to do things myself instead. You see me, all of me, the good and the bad, without trying, and just accept it in a way I can't fully understand sometimes. You make me feel fearless, and stronger than I ever have, without doing anything but being yourself. And I know how hard you've fought to battle your own inner demons, for lack of a better term, from what you've told me. You're so incredibly strong, it just leaves me in awe of you, breathless. You're so wonderful, I just can't believe you'd choose me." 

I rested my hand on his cheek and stroked my thumb gently along Mark's jaw. "Mark, baby, that's almost exactly how I feel about you. You're so open and caring. You share so much of yourself with your viewers, your fans, your community, the world. I can't. I have to hide, to protect myself a little more, just because of how broken I am. I share as much as I can, but I'm not there yet. I'm trying, lord knows, to get there, but I'm just not ready to be as open and free with people as you are. I..." I looked down for a few seconds then looked back up into Mark's eyes and swallowed. We both got momentarily lost in what we were seeing in each other's eyes, the comfort, then emotions, and the deep communication running between us, going so fast neither of us was able to keep up. Both of us were lost to it. I would have felt like I was gone completely had I not still had one hand wrapped in Chica's soft fur, anchoring me firmly in the here and now, and been able to hear the sounds of Mark's office, and our friends, softly working behind us. 

Matthias broke the spell we seemed to be under by placing a gentle hand on Mark's shoulder, making Mark jump slightly and we broke eye contact. We both blushed a little as Matthias grinned at us. "Hey, you two all right over here? You were being awfully quiet all of the sudden. I sent Mark a text about ten minutes ago to ask him to wake you up to get ready. Are you guys going to be ready to hit the road soon? Amanda said dinner's nearly ready." 

I tucked my head down into Mark's chest and just snuggled into him. Mark smiled at me. "Yeah, we're okay. We just got a little lost in the moment. I think we're actually ready now. We had just been discussing whether or not to bring Chica along, since you said it was up to me anyway, when somethings kind of brought up a few sensitive subjects. [Y/N] is just going to have a few days of being a little more touchy about her past, like she was right after she told me about what happened to her, probably, then she'll be back to normal, and not have quite so many triggers. It's just when she has a lot of panic attacks or anxiety for a long stretch of time, or when she has to push through a major trauma, that she has this." Mark ran a protective hand down my back and rested his chin on top of my head. "I want to help her though, so I don't mind making sure she feels safe. Especially if it means I get all the extra snuggles like this. She's super cuddly today, have you noticed, Matt? It's making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Like a giant teddy bear. And since she's been spending so much time curled up with Chica too, the sweetness factor is through the roof." 

I looked up and Mark, a sassy expression in my eyes. He catch my expression and quirked his head sideways. I grinned. Then in an eerily familiar voice I said "Is someone there? I can hear someone creeping through my room." Mark shivered and gave me the evil eye as I started laughing. "Maybe you'd prefer me to say something else? Hmm." I went quiet for a second then launched into a second impression "Calm down and go back to sleep. No one is here. Shh. Calm down and go back to your stage. Everything is okay." I giggled as Mark kept giving me the evil eye. "What's the matter Mark? I thought you were the King of FNAF?" 

Matthias laughed. "Okay, that's spooky. How did you do that? That sounded really, really close to what the game sounds were, without the audio mixing." 

I grinned. "I'm good at imitating that kind of thing. I can even do some sound effects without a sound board. Jack and I have goofed around with that kind of crap a few times, for fun, off camera. He can do the R2D2 noise, I can do the Darth Vader voice and breathing sounds, unassisted, we can both make various ship sounds and lightsaber sounds. I think we might make Signe a bit crazy occasionally. I haven't really told them I can imitate the voices from games and things though. And it's not all of them, just certain ones." I looked at Mark with a grin. "It was only after I started watching certain people play them after all. I never played horror games, at all, in my own time. And they tend to be the voices I can imitate better, for whatever reason. For both genders." I giggled as Mark made a face at me now. "Hey, it's so not my fault you guys play them so much. Well, mostly you and Felix, really. Jack doesn't play nearly as many as you two do. And I don't really play them at all, except when I get pulled into a multiplayer collab every now and again. But I can make a lot of creepy sound effects, vocally, from years and years of watching sci-fi and fantasy shows and movies too. I am really big geek, Matthias. It's one thing, if you haven't figured out by now, either from talking to Mark about me, or from talking to me and looking over my channel, you should probably know. It won't offend me to hear you say it. Actually, I'm more likely to get offended to hear people question my geek cred then call me a geek or a nerd. Both are true and have been my whole life. I mean, how many four year olds were reading to themselves and using DOS based computers at home? True, it was my grandmother's ancient computer, but she let me play games on it and I was probably as good or better at almost everything to do with computers as she was by the time I was seven. That was pretty much before home Internet days for most people though. At least mostly where we were. Then there was high school and college where I was a total geek and majored in computers and engineering, both computer and electrical, so, yeah, that was pretty geeky. Add in the minors in science and art, and the background in AV from high school and my interest in band, choir and theater, and well..." I blushed and squirmed in Mark's lap a little, slightly embarrassed when I realized how bad it was starting to sound, at least to my own ears. 

Mark leaned forward and hugged me, kissed my cheek, and stayed with his lips pressed almost against my cheek still. "Hey, I love how many of the same interests we have. You're amazingly smart, baby. You actually got those degrees I passed up on for college, sticking with things better than I did. Even after all the things you went through." Mark kissed me again, pulling me in closer when I shivered at the thought. "You're okay, sweetheart. I've got you. And really, I think the fact that you are such a sweet geek is incredible. It blows my mind. And honestly, I just didn't know you could do those voices from Sister Location and Five Nights at Freddy's. It's more than a little creepy. Thank you for not sharing that in the dark sometime. I would have no doubt screamed like the little bitch we all secretly know I am. Jack probably would never have let me live it down either. But something tells me you could make him shit his pants in terror too, if you did that some night, in the dark." 

I grinned. "Oh, no doubt. Signe and I have talked about it a few times, when we were both a little annoyed at the two of you for ignoring us. We almost broke into a recording session one night and did that, before I started a channel. Actually, my fear of the camera and revealing myself and where I live was what saved the two of you that night. Signe still thinks we should have done it. She was going to goose Jack, too. I was just responsible for the sounds effects and voices." 

Mark paled and looked at me. "You wouldn't." 

I grinned. "We might. I told you why we didn't that night. I've gotten better since then about some things, but you and I have also gotten closer, so that might save you some too, babe. We'll have to see..." 

Mark went still behind me, then swallowed. "Damn. Remind me to make very sure I never cross you. Jesus. And I thought the accidental hot sauce was bad." 

I snorted and dissolved into laughter, doubling over. Matthias, who was still standing next to us, looked confused. "Accidental hot sauce? Mark? What are you guys talking about?" 

I kept giggling while Mark explained. "Um, before one of the panels at PAX, [Y/N]'s big solo panel, actually, we were all eating lunch together in the green room. It was Molly, Wade, Mandy, Bob, Jack, Signe, me, her, Felix, Marzia, and one of her non-YouTuber friends and we were having Mexican food for lunch just before she went on stage for her panel, the big question and answer session she did that brought down the whole internet for a while." I ducked my head into Mark's shirt and sighed, hating the reminder. He rubbed a hand down my back, helping me stay calm. "Babe, stay calm, I just wanted to clarify which one. I know how much you hate talking about that part. Anyway, we were all eating our food when she grabbed her backpack and pulled out a bottle of hot sauce and seasoned her stuff. I may have assumed it must not have been particularly hot because she used a lot of it, all over everything, so I stole a bite of something while she was distracted. So, to make a long story short, I flamed out, bad. She helped me through it by making me eat some cheese quesadillas with sour cream, then I made the mistake of kissing her, on a dare, a little too deep and reactivating the spice. It annoyed her so she stopped helping and just made me deal on my own for the rest of the meal. Later she told me she hadn't meant for me to get hurt that way, and I'd know if she wanted to hurt me. It was really more embarrassing than anything else, and it's a pretty funny story to tell now that it's over." 

I nodded and looked at Mark. "Yeah. You're not exactly a spice wimp, but you aren't exactly very good about spicy food either, baby. Jack's a bit better than you are, but not much. Felix is a little bitch compared to both of you though. But I am chili head supreme of the group, no doubt. I keep waiting for the unsuspecting YouTuber to request that video collab so I can smoke somebody, or that challenge to come my way." I grinned and shook my head. "I look forward to it almost as much as the next time someone Rick Rolls me. That never gets old. I have no idea why, I just love that song too much for it to ever annoy me. Most memes get old real fast for me, or annoy me the very first time I see them. I'm definitely not a meme queen." I grinned. "I'm just too geeky." 

Mark laughed. "Hey! YouTube is founded on the backs of geeks. And we all meme, all the time. We'll just have to ease you into the memeing. Give you the proper meme indoctrination. Hmm." 

I made a face. "Nah. I'd rather skip that shit. I have enough time wasting places on the internet to visit. And places for my time to go, thank you very much. Or are you saying you want me to spend less time with you and more time on memes, instead?" 

Mark looked at me hard, shaking his head. "Nooo. That's not what I'm saying. Forget I said anything. In fact, forget I ever mentioned memes. What were we talking about? I can't remember now? How much more time you wanted to spend with me was it, babe?" 

Matthias laughed, good naturedly. "Oh my god, [Y/N], that was the single most effective thing I have ever heard anyone say to Mark to change his mind. He almost panicked a little. Now, come on you two. Grab the dog and let's go get some dinner. We can keep this conversation going at my house after all. Mark, do you just want to follow me in your car or should I drive you out and you can get a ride home from there later? I don't mind driving you back, or we can get you guys an Uber or call a cab." 

I smiled at Mark. He looked at me and lost focus for a minute. I grinned brighter and winked at Matthias. "Come on, Matthias, I'll grab Chica and get her loaded in your car. I have an idea. Mark, babe. You drive home. Matthias, you follow Mark and he can park, then come get in the car and we can all go to your place. We can figure out getting home later." I stood up with a groan and grabbed Chica who followed willingly, her tail wagging excitedly. 

Mark sighed as he got up. "Do you always have to be the one to be right about everything? This seems like the best solution, and I wish I'd thought of it first." I grinned and kissed Mark on the cheek, then gave him a gentle shove towards the door. Matthias laughed again, hearing the comment and seeing my response. Mark just sighed one more time and turned to Ethan, Tyler and Kathryn. "Okay, I guess we're heading out for the day. I'll see you tomorrow. Can the last one out make sure to lock up and arm the security system please? Thanks." 

Tyler chuckled. "Sure, Mark. Have a good evening." He grinned at us, then winked at me. "Somehow I don't think we have to worry too much about that though. Your girlfriend looks like she has plans for you. And I feel like we should be calling her boss, for some reason, not you." 

I grinned. Mark looked at me out of the corner of his eye and caught my expression, then put on an exaggerated pout, pretending to be upset, but I could see the smile he was fighting back and the amusement in his eyes. I came over to his side again and wrapped my arms around him and whispered in his ear, softly. "Nice try buster. I can see right through that act though. I can tell you actually think that's funny too, though. And good thing too. I hate whining and pouty behavior. It definitely doesn't get rewarded, later." Mark looked at me again and I met his eyes a look in mine he recognized well by now. He swallowed down a bubble of what looked a lot like lust and shifted in my arms so he was facing me and pulled me closer, hiding his sudden boner against me, making me giggle and grin. I winked at him. "Mm. I see someone is anxious for later. Behave. Don't make me walk away and leave you standing here with all eyes on your 'prize', as it were. I'm sure no one here needs to see that, probably not for the first time either, guessing from what I've heard your friends say before, Mr. No-Pants." My grin got a little bigger as Mark blushed. I couldn't resist pulling him into a kiss then. "I love you anyway, Mark. Just behave, and you'll be fine." I giggled and whispered to him again. "You're always mighty fine, in my eyes, lover." 

Mark grinned at me. "Now who needs to behave? You just say these things and I'm toast." 

I smirked and nodded, winking at him again and leaned my head on his shoulder. "Extra crispy, just how I like you." 

Mark burst out laughing. "Babe..." He shook his head. "You're too adorable for your own good sometimes. Now, come on. I'm sure everyone here figured out why I had to hide behind you, and I've settled down enough to walk again." He kissed me softly on the forehead. "Thanks for the rescue, even if you did cause the problem in the first place. I still liked both parts." I just grinned at him. I heard Ethan and Tyler laugh behind us and blushed as I realized Mark hadn't lowered his voice while he was talking to me. I looked up at him. Mark looked a little embarrassed, but honestly not much. He just smiled and looked at me again. "Oops. Guess I need to remember to whisper things to you. Anyway, let's go get dinner, then go home and spend a quiet evening together. I want to keep cuddling with you. I love having you all to myself, right here, in my arms. I missed you, a lot." 

I reached my hand up and stroked his cheek, my eyes meeting his again and communicating more than words could. "I know babe. I'm here now, for a while. We'll get this figured out. And when I do go back to Ireland, I promise, we will have the plans for when I'll be back well in hand, so you will know exactly when you'll see me next." I cupped his cheek and stroked his cheekbone with my thumb, unable to break away for a moment. Then I sighed. "I hate that we have to do any of this long distance, but we both know why we do, at least for now. Neither of us can leave where we are at the moment easily, nor should we. But things won't be this way forever either. And I have a very strong feeling we are both going to be a lot more motivated to travel right now than we have been. But for now, let's enjoy when we are together and not think too hard about when we won't be." I pulled him in for a tender kiss, more emotional and sweet than passionate and sexy. He seemed to melt in my arms all the same. "I love you so much Mark." 

Mark smiled and stroked a hand down my back. "I love you too, [Y/N]." He blushed a little when we heard a chorus of 'awws' from everyone else in the office. 

Tyler came over and rested a hand on each of our shoulders. "Wow. I'm actually really impressed with both of you here. You're both showing a lot of emotional maturity about this relationship. I didn't realize quite how much Mark had grown up. Good job buddy. And [Y/N], I know we just met, so I really didn't know what to expect from you, but this is definitely a pleasant surprise. I was kind of afraid Mark was going to have plunged into something too fast, like he has before, and neither of you were going to be emotionally up to handling things." 

I blushed and looked down. "I've had a lot of things that forced me to grow up in my life. Mark's been helping me handle dealing with the damage from some of them, but knowing he has people who care about him, who are willing to listen and can help guide him, if we need it, is going to help. I'm not..." I hesitated, unsure of how to continue without talking about my past and triggering my panic. Mark squeezed my shoulder. I sighed. "This is a complicated conversation for another time, but for now, let's just say I don't have a lot of experience in relationships, other than friendships. But I really need to focus on other things, right now, before I have an anxiety or panic attack. I can already feel the edges of one swirling in close, just from this." 

Mark wrapped me up in his arms again. "I've got you, sweetheart. Shh. Just close your eyes for a minute and follow my breathing. Focus on the feeling of me being here, my heartbeat, the pressure of my arms, if it helps, and hear my voice. I love you, with everything I've got and I'll do anything I can to keep you safe and happy. No one is going to come and hurt you anymore. No one knows where you are. No one can touch you. You're safe. I've got you. Shh. Mmm. That's a good girl. Just relax. Nice and easy. Let Chica help too, like she has been all day. Good girl Chica. Nice and gentle. Help protect our precious [Y/N]. She's important." Mark held me close and I closed my eyes just listening to him, following his voice and instructions until I felt the panic melt, and I relaxed again. He must have felt my body relax too, because he smiled at me. "Better, sweetheart?" I nodded. "Good. You're getting a lot better at that. I could tell how bad that was starting to get when Tyler came over and you were talking to him, but you calmed down pretty fast again. I know I was still standing close and we were holding hands, but I hate having you have a problem like that." Mark hugged me again, really just a comforting squeeze of pressure since he had yet to release me from the embrace he had wrapped me up in to help me calm down when I started to panic. I felt Chica bump against my legs again and let out a small, shaky smile. Mark saw it and his own smile brightened. "Hey, there you are. I knew you were in there somewhere." 

I looked at him. "Sorry. I just... I'm still having trouble. Let's go eat. Maybe some food will help me feel a little calmer." 

Mark looked at me for a long minute, then lifted a hand to my chin and raised my head so he could look me in the eye. "Babe, are you going to be able to eat? I know lunch made you sick. Is this too much for you? You need to tell me what to do to help you. If you just need to go home and lay down with Chica, I can make that happen too. It's okay to back out if you need to change the plan because you feel too sick, baby." 

I looked into Mark's eyes, then down and away. "I don't know Mark. I have to eat something. I'll get sicker if I don't eat anything at all today. It's happened before, to me." Mark just watched me, looking a little sad. I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder. "We should really go. I promise, I'll be okay. I'll stay right with you, or with Chica, all night tonight, right by your sides, and let the two of you watch over me and take care of me. Chica does a really good job of keep me steady when you aren't around, babe, in case you didn't notice. So you just drive home, and I'll ride in the back of Matthias's car with Chica. She can rest her head in my lap and snuggle with me and keep me calm. We'll wait for you. Then when Matthias picks you up, you can come sit with us back there and cuddle with us too. You can help me stay calm while I meet the rest of the people we're going to see and I get some food in my system. Then I'll let you bring me home and we can curl up together and have a nice, peaceful evening alone. Okay?" 

Mark lifted my chin with his hand again, looking at me. "How the hell do you always know just what to say to make me feel better? And I thought I was supposed to be helping you." I smiled, a real smile now, if somewhat small, just for Mark. He leaned forward and kissed me softly. "God, you are incredible. Fine, we'll do things your way. You follow Matt out to his car. It's not really like you're going to give me much of a choice here anyway, are you?" 

I looked him in the eye and raised an eyebrow. "Mark, you always have a choice. You could just go home. I just might not follow you right away. I'm afraid you would freak out right now. Neither of us need the stress. I'm just offering reasonable solutions." I kissed him gently and smiled again. "And I know that's half of what you hate." 

Matthias laughed. "Yeah, I think you're right, [Y/N]. Come on. Let's get you and Chica loaded in my car. Mark? Are you just going to stand there and moon after your girlfriend all night, or are you going to drive home so we can get this evening moving, finally? Amanda's going to be wondering what's keeping us, you know. I can only blame traffic for so much." 

I chuckled. "Yeah. Blame the rest on Mark." 

Mark squawked. "Hey now." I raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm not the one who took a nap." 

I looked at him and crossed my arms. "No, you're not. But then again, I was ready to go right after you woke me up and you got distracted, multiple times. I have, repeatedly, encouraged us to go. Therefore, I stand by my statement." I tapped my foot, my eyebrow still raised. "Do you really disagree?" 

Mark grinned at me. "Well, no. But you're the one who keeps distracting me. I mean, you just look at me and I lose what I was thinking about half the time." 

I smirked at him. "That's not my fault. Well, not entirely. You just need to learn to focus more." 

Mark shook his head. "Nuh-uh. I have really bad ADD. It's not all my fault either." 

I reached down and picked up my medicine bag and fished out my pill bottle. I tossed Mark my ADHD medicine. "Yeah, buddy boy, and what are those? M and M's? Some of us just manage it on a day to day basis. I told you I had to take my medicine for it this morning Mark. I have extremely severe, clinically diagnosed ADHD. I can't function without the medicine, almost at all. So don't blame your ADD for that. Try again." I tapped my foot and looked at him my eyebrow still raised. I heard a chuckle from behind him and saw Ethan's shoulders shake as he tried not to laugh. Kathryn and Tyler were silently watching too, clearly amused as Mark floundered. 

Finally Mark lifted his hands and ran them through his hair. "I got nothing. You just fry my brain." 

I shook my head and came back over to his side, giving him a small kiss. "It's okay, sweetie. You just need to work on it. I'll even help you. I just don't want you blaming things that aren't really the problems. You can't get improve yourself if you won't work on the problem." I looked him in the eye and sighed. "Believe me, I know." 

Mark nodded and kissed me again. "Okay. You definitely have a point. And it's not fair, you using logic to win against me all the time. How can I argue with that?" I grinned at him. He laughed at my expression. "I should know better than to argue with you I suppose. You're usually right, unless you're just being a brat. Here." Mark handed my pill bottle back to me. "Put those back in your bag for tomorrow morning. I'll take that home and put it in the house so you can take your pills before we leave to come in. Do you need me to take your bag with your computer home, or is that stuff all staying here tonight?" 

I bit my lip, thinking. "Nah, let's leave it here. I'm not planning on working on anything. I have my phone, and I have a spare charger at your place. If I need to borrow some time on a laptop, I have the feeling I can convince you to share a little, or I can just use my tablet. If I get desperate enough, I'll just start building the computer that's going to eventually be my working setup for here that's still at your place." 

Ethan laughed. "You are leaving an extra computer here? Are you really going to be spending that much time in LA?" 

I looked over at him and smiled, still leaning into Mark, and nodded. "Yeah. Mark and I have plans to be spending at least two weeks a month together, every month, from now until at least next year, together and almost all of that is me coming back and forth to LA. There's also PAX West, of course, and the holidays, for which I just plan to come back to the states for a solid two and a half or three months to visit family and I'm hoping to see Mark for a good bit of that time as well, probably in Cincinnati, if Mark can manage to get home. My family lives within a few hours' drive of Ohio, so I could definitely manage it, if he made it home. And I know his Mom, Dee, and his brother all wanted to meet me, and that would probably be the best time, unless they happened to be in LA at the same time I was at some point." I sighed. "Anyway, to answer your original question, yes, I really do plan to be in LA that much, with Mark. Right now, the plan for this trip is for either two weeks or maybe three, depending on how things go, then I'll head home for a week or so, come back for VidCon and Mark's birthday and stay for almost a month, if he can stand me. I'm supposed to be here for Comic Con, so I figured I'd plan to go home just after that. Then I have to come back for some TV and movie filming for a few weeks in mid August, before PAX. I planned to fly from here directly there, with Mark, then home again. September is still a little up in the air, but between one thing and another, we plan on getting together, if for no other reason than my birthday towards the end of the month. In October, I have a convention in Seattle to attend, GeekGirlCon, at the beginning of the month, so I might just come over for my birthday and stay until it's time for that and head home then. After that, it's time for the holidays, which then puts us into next year. So, yeah. Basically, I'll be living out of suitcases or the stuff I leave split between Mark's place and my apartment in Ireland until something changes." I smiled. 

Mark ran a hand down my back, making me look at him. He smiled at me. "Baby, I can come to you for your birthday. Not all the travel has to be on you, you know. And we can definitely plan on getting together in Ohio. You motivate me to work harder and better, so I get more done. You have helped me get ahead on videos, every time we're together. Besides, Mom will skin me if she finds out how close you were and I don't make the effort to get you to come meet her. Same with Dee. And I know Wade and Molly would love to see you again, and they live in Cincinnati too. Bob usually visits for Christmas too, I think. We'll get it all worked out, don't worry. It's not all on you." 

I smiled into his face and snuggled against his warmth. Mark's arms went around me again. I sighed and shook my head. "Okay. Now, this time it wasn't your fault, but we really do need to head out. Thank you for offering to come to visit me though, sweetie. I know Jack and Signe would like that too. Hell, even Felix would. He'll make some time to get away and come visit if he know you're coming over and for how long this time." My smile quirked a little crookedly. "It wouldn't surprise me, at all, to find out he 'borrowed' you and I from the airport if he could find out what plane you were coming in on from Jack and could get your layover rearranged." I sighed. 

Mark looked at me and smiled. "That wouldn't really bother me. Would you be okay with it?" 

I nodded. "As long as he didn't use the actual word. That would trigger me. You know why. You and Jack could explain it to him. Actually, if you guys want to tell him the whole story, I'm fine with it. Or any of our friends who you guys trust to keep it to themselves. I just can't handle talking about it most of the time." I shivered. Mark nodded and kissed my forehead briefly. 

"Okay baby. I'll call Jack. Actually, that's a good thing for the two of us to know. And I can think of several of our friends who we should tell." Mark looked around the room and smiled. "Guys, I promise, I'll explain to all of you, later, what we're talking about. It's pretty traumatic for [Y/N] though, from her past, and she really can't handle any more today." Mark looked at me again and shook his head a little ruefully, then smiled. "Come on sweetheart. Grab Chica's collar. She's been a star all day, but I'm sure she's more than ready for a treat. Matt will have some at his house, or if not, I'll grab some when I put the stuff in the front door. It will only take me a minute anyway. You look tired and we both need some food. So does Chica." I nodded and did as he asked, taking her by the collar and following Matthias out the door to his car, finally. I climbed in after her and we got settled in the back, with her at my feet. I buckled in and she rested her head in my lap just as we pulled out of the parking spot. I smiled and gave her a thorough petting, scratching her behind the ears and talking quietly to Matthias as he followed Mark to his place. Mark parked and took his stuff, and mine, inside. A minute or so later, he reappeared with a small bag of items, mostly pet toys and supplies for Chica. I smiled as he got in the back on the other side from me and got settled in the back seat next to me, cuddling in as close as he could, buckling in and joining me in petting Chica's head. Chica panted and licked our hands, appearing to love the attention from both of us. By the time we got to Matthias's house, she was resting her head on my leg, drooling, and staring up at me with an intense expression of doggie adoration. Mark had one hand on Chica's back and one arm around me, holding me close to him, as though he were afraid I would suddenly run off if he didn't hold me in place. 

When Mathias parked the car, he turned around and smiled at both of us. "Okay guys, we're here. Mark, do you want to hold on to Chica's collar while you lead her in the house? Or do you want to have your girlfriend hang on to Chica and you lead both of them in?" 

I chuckled. "Mark's going to want to lead both of us in, I know." I leaned over and kissed Mark's cheek gently. "Right babe? Tell you what, you grab the bag of doggy stuff you brought and I'll bring Chica in. We can wait for you. Right girl?" I looked down at Chica, who was looking up at me with big, patient eyes, her tongue lolling out. I smiled and rubbed her head. She came over to me and settled on my feet and set her head in my lap, looking up at me again. Mark sighed. I looked over at him. He was smiling, but looked a little wistful. I raised an eyebrow at him. 

"You keep making yourself more and more adorable, baby. I'm never going to want to let you go, even for a minute. It's already really hard." I shook my head at him with a small smile. "Hey, I'm serious. But you're right, I do want to lead both my beautiful ladies in the house and show you off. Come on, girls. This way." Mark grabbed the bag from by his feet, where he had set it during the car ride, unbuckled the seat beat, got up and climbed out of the car, and held out a hand for me, helping me out of the car. I smiled at him as I took his hand, then took Chica's collar and held on as I followed the two of them in the house. We were almost immediately greeted with a tiny toddler squealing over the dog. I grinned, keeping hold of Chica, but Chica was good and stayed with me. Mark chuckled as an adorable little girl came running around the couch and came over to the dog then stopped and looked up at Matthias, squealing about the dog. Mark looked at me again. "This is Luna, Matt and Amanda Faye's daughter. She's just over a year old now and a little bit of a handful. She'll try to be careful around Chica, I'm sure, but we might want to stick with the two of them, just in case." 

I nodded and stepped forward with Chica, sitting down on the couch, bringing Chica with me. Chica settled between my feet easily, eying the baby, not sure about the very active little girl who was yelling and running around, but clearly interested in her, but also clearly wanting to stay with Mark and me. I patted Chica's head again, reassuring her. Mark sat down next to me, cuddling in as close as he could, almost lifting me into his lap. Chica rested her head on both our laps now, looking at the two of us, clearly happy. I leaned into Mark's side with a small sigh of contentment. He wrapped one arm around me. Matthias grinned as he watched us get settled. "Well that was quick. Good. Make yourselves comfortable. Luna, baby, do you remember Daddy's friend Uncle Mark?" Luna nodded. Mark grinned. Matthias winked at Mark. "Good job, princess. That's Uncle Mark's girlfriend, [Y/N]. You can call her Aunt [Y/N], if you want to. I'm sure she won't mind." I blushed. 

Mark chuckled and kissed my cheek. "Please do. I really, really want her to be family sooner, rather than later. She knows that too. At least, I hope she does." I looked over at Mark and nodded, still blushing hotly. He just kept smiling at me and squeezed me a little closer, pulling me in for another kiss, this on on the lips. 

My blush brightened again when someone else walked in the room before we could separate. "Wow. Mark, I hope that's your girlfriend." I ducked my head, trying to hide both my blush and my face in Mark's shoulder from the newcomer. Mark chuckled again, and stroked a hand down my back, still holding me close. "She's obviously important, whoever she is. Hi, I'm Matt's brother, J Fred. Amanda invited me over for dinner." 

I peeked up at him. "H-hi. Yes, I'm Mark's girlfriend. Though, I kind of think you already knew that, or you would have said something a lot different to him just now." I looked at Mark, a humorous glint in my eyes now, slightly wicked and full of mischief. "Why is it both of these two brothers suspected I was someone other than your girlfriend? Should I be worried, Mark? Or more correctly, should you?" 

Mark shifted in his seat to look at me. "What? Wait. WHAT?!? Babe, what are you talking about?" 

I raised an eyebrow to an impressive height. "Mark, the very first thing both Matthias and his brother have said to me, and in front of me, kind of assumed I might not be your girlfriend, even though they both knew you had a girlfriend. That says something. I'm just wondering what. I'm wondering who I should be questioning the integrity of here, them or you. I mean, are they implying you would be cheating on me, or are they just that suspicious of everyone and if so why?" I looked over at them, then back at Mark. 

Mark looked confused and a little afraid, then saw the look in my eye. He blinked. Then he blinked slowly again and chuckled. "Babe. Jesus, don't do that. Or at least let me warn my friends before you try to scare the pants off them. They don't know you are a nerveless bluffer. I nearly forgot myself. If I hadn't seen that sparkle in your eyes, I think I would need clean pants right about now. Especially knowing your penchant for revenge with hot sauce." Mark shivered. 

I chuckled and leaned over, kissing him on the cheek. "That's for not introducing me properly when you saw there were more people here. Think about it next time, please. You know I'm shy. This is kind of tough for me." 

Mark blushed a little, just a faint dusting of color on his cheeks. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't even think of that. You've been managing that really well today. Okay, come say hi. J Fred, this is my girlfriend, [Y/N], aka [Y/Y/N], Internet celebrity and YouTuber extraordinaire. Babe, this is J Fred, Matthias's brother, as he mentioned. Amanda Faye, Matthias's wife is around too and I'm sure she'll come find us soon. Do you want me to go find her, so we can get the introductions over with, or can I keep cuddling with you for the moment?" I grinned at him and hugged him close. He smiled back. "I'm going to take that as a stay here for now. Good. I really didn't want to get up anyway. I mean, I would have, but I wouldn't have been happy about it." 

I chuckled. "I know. But you would have done it for me, because I needed it. Thank you for offering, Mark. I really do appreciate it. You're safe from the hot sauce for now." 

Mark blew out an exaggerated sigh of relief. Matthias laughed, having heard the taco story earlier. Mark looked at me for a minute, then looked around. "Hey, wait a minute. You don't even have a backpack with you. I would have been safe anyway, wouldn't I?" 

I grinned and shook my head, scooting away to reach in my pocket. I pulled out a small bottle of extra hot, hot sauce. "Nope. This is my travel bottle. I had it in my pants pocket for when I travel. It's small but mighty. Even I use a lot less of it." 

Mark eyed it for a second then looked at me and shook his head, looking chagrined. "I should have known better. Never doubt you, when it comes to hot sauce or spice. You ALWAYS have some close at hand. Well, I like you, spicy as you are, so come here and give me a kiss, babe. And thank you for not killing me with peppers tonight. I think my fans will appreciate it too, though somehow, I think you could make it into a funny story and they would support you more than be mad." Mark pulled me back over to him, this time all the way into his lap. I smiled at him and gave him a small, innocent kiss, which just made him pout, making both Matthias and his brother burst out laughing. "I asked for a kiss baby. That hardly counts." 

I looked at Mark. "Mark, we have an audience. Even if you don't mind that fact, I do. I'm shy, remember? Besides, some things are better kept private. Now stop pouting like a big baby and behave yourself. I have other ways to torture you, besides hot sauce you know. Don't make me use one of them." I grinned a little as he looked at me and got a little pale. 

Mark swallowed whatever comment he was about to make and nodded. "Yes dear." He kissed my cheek and settled back, holding me against his chest, in a loose, but comfortable hold, making sure I was feeling his support and love, but not suffocated. I very much approved and smiled at him, then kissed him again, a little more tenderly. He melted into the kiss, grinning. I smirked a little when we separated and he looked a little brain fried. I loved doing that to him, especially when it was just with a kiss. 

Matthias whistled softly. "Damn, Mark. Your girlfriend got you good that time. You okay there buddy? Mark? Hello? Earth to Mark?" 

Mark took a minute to respond, staring around blankly before his eyes focused on anything again. "Sorry, what? Did you say something to me? My mind wandered there for a minute." 

Matthias and J Fred both started laughing again. "Yeah, it did. Clearly. What planet were you even on? You were gone man. I was just trying to make sure you were okay, after that kiss, because you looked a little spaced out, but you were–" He stopped suddenly when he saw my expression. I was blushing hotly and trying to hide in Mark's chest, fighting back tears of embarrassment and shame. I was also struggling with panic and anxiety. 

Mark wrapped his arms around me, shielding me from view and from seeing the rest of the room again. "Shh, baby, I've got you. It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. Shh. I love it when you kiss me, so please don't ever stop, even if my friends are idiots and say stupid things about it. I love you. I'll let you know if you do something I don't like, okay? That definitely wasn't one of them. Mm, you just snuggle here in my arms and calm down, okay? Follow my breathing again, sweetheart, nice and steady. Listen to my heartbeat, if it helps. Whatever you need to do. Just tell me. Do you want me to bring Chica back over? She just laid down at our feet, but I can get her to stand back up and rest her head on your lap if you need to pet her fur to help you calm back down. Just tell me babe. Whatever you need." 

Mark watched me with worried eyes as I struggled for a few minutes, trying to calm back down. I managed to get back to a more calm state, still half buried in his chest a few minutes later when Luna came running back in followed by a woman, who I quickly learned was her mother, Amanda Faye. I was introduced, and Mark explained about my panic attacks and shyness, explaining why I was tucked in his arms this way. Amanda smiled and nodded. "Whatever works. Is there anything I can do to help?" 

I shook my head and sighed, peeking out. "No, thank you. I'm trying. I'm just having a rough few days. Between all the panic from flying and having all the unexpected stress yesterday, finding out literally millions of people have been tracking my movements online in hopes of meeting me at the airport and cornering me on an airplane, and all the panic attacks today from my medications getting out of whack from travel, I'm just a little fragile. I'm sorry. I'll be better tomorrow than today, but that hardly does you any good, now does it?" 

Matthias stepped over and set his hand on my shoulder. "Hey, I was there all day today. You did a great job keeping it together. I had no idea you had to deal with all the stuff you just described yesterday. No wonder you're feeling a little off today, besides the overly long travel. I heard Mark say a couple of times you didn't sleep on the planes, so that's what, a fourteen hour trip? Something like that? That alone is pretty stressful." 

I ducked my head. "Um, I don't even remember anymore. I know I woke up early and talked to Mark, so it was about four am, Irish time when I actually got up. Then I got breakfast and started working on social media. The airline called my cell phone a little before nine, so I had about fifteen minutes to talk to them, then another fifteen to pack, say my goodbyes to Jack and I thought Signe, but she ended up driving me, and get out the door to drive to Dublin, then I had to get through security and fly to Brighton for a one hour layover, then on to London, then to LA. I kind of lost track somewhere along the way of how long the day was. I landed in LA at either seven or eight LA time last night, I can't even remember anymore. My brain was so dead tired and freaked out it was just focused on one thought– get to Mark–so I did. I texted him on the cab ride to his place and stopped and got some food for us along the way, briefly. Then I got there and pretty much just turned into a zombie. I was so exhausted and overstressed it wasn't funny. Then this morning, we went for a run and Matthias surprised us on the way back. I feel like my nerves have just been so keyed up over the last two or three days that they are practically just pulsating and raw at this point." 

Mark kissed me softly and ran a hand down my side, hugging me close. "Hey, you're doing a great job keeping it together. And I'm so happy you're here, I don't mind having to help you. Even if you were just a total mess, I wouldn't, just to have you close, but you really aren't. You're so strong, way more than you give yourself credit for, baby. And I can't believe how long yesterday was for you. Really. It's a miracle you got through everything without falling apart. I'm really glad you were smart enough to think of calling on Felix and Jack when you heard what was going on with the airline and you started to panic." Mark kissed my temple and just held me close, comforting me wordlessly now. 

I looked at him warmly and smiled. "Thanks Mark. Honestly. I felt like you were just humoring me, mostly. Jack and Felix were a big help, talking me down from my panic. I don't know why it never occurs to me, even though everyone is always telling me how okay it is, that my anxiety isn't really unreasonable. I mean, I know _why_ it happens, but I still hate it. It makes me feel like..." I stopped, cutting myself off. I looked down, unable to continue. Mark met my eyes. 

He gently lifted my chin with his hand. "Oh baby, you're thinking of what some of the people told you, who bullied you, in your past." I nodded tightly. Mark sighed and kissed my forehead again, his lips lingering long, his eyes closed. When he drew back, I could see the sadness in his expression, for me. "Baby, they were wrong. One hundred percent. You are not worthless, or a waste, or any of the other things they told you, okay?" I looked at him, trying to believe him, to overpower the years and years of voices beating me down, making me feel small and valueless, but I knew it was going to be a long uphill battle, if I could ever overcome it at all. Mark just held me, watching my expression, reading as much as he could behind my eyes. I didn't try to shut him out, but I didn't say anything either. Finally, after a few minutes, he kissed me again. "I love you so much, babe. I wish I could help you more with this." 

I shook my head. When I finally spoke, my voice was a broken whisper, but not as bad as I had feared it would be. "Mark, you're doing more for me right now than you could possibly imagine. Just holding me close helps a lot. Talking me down helps more. You always seem to know what I need. Thank you." I sniffled a little, trying not to cry on him. He chuckled and kissed my forehead again, tenderly. It wasn't until I heard another nose blown behind me that I even remembered we weren't alone. I blushed faintly and ducked in closer to Mark's chest again. He looked at me with a concerned look. I smiled a little ruefully at him and whispered to him, very quietly. "I forgot we weren't the only ones in the room. I'm sorry if I'm embarrassing you in front of your friends, Mark." 

Mark grinned and shook his head at me, then kissed the tip of my nose. "Babe, that was honestly the last thing on my mind. I didn't mind at all that my friends heard us. I was just worried about you. I still am. I just want you to relax and settle back with me for the rest of the night. No more stress, if I can help you avoid it, no more internet, nothing that could send you into a downward spiral. Nothing but happy things. Cuddle up with me, pet Chica. Talk to Matt, J Fred, and Amanda. Meet Luna. Actually, Luna should come over and play with Chica for a little while and snuggle with us too. She might be able to help you calm down too, unless babies bother you?" 

I smiled and shook my head. "No, I like kids. And I'd like a quiet evening. Snuggles or cuddles sound good too. Like I said, you always know just what I need." I shifted in Mark's arms arm, facing the rest of the room a little more, not hiding so much, getting a little more comfortable for both Mark and I at the same time as well. Chica shifted now as well, seeming to sense my distress was still high and she came over and settled at my feet, resting her head on my legs, resting her front paws on my legs, looking up at Mark and I soulfully. I immediately started petting her thoroughly. Mark smiled and joined me, crooning softly to her as well, telling her what a good girl she was, how smart she was, and how well behaved she was being. Then he got a treat out of the bag he had brought for her and gave it to her, earning excited tail wags for a minute before Chica settled down again. Eventually, both Chica and Mark were just cuddling with me and I relaxed into them, smiling softly, melting into their touches and gentle attention. Luna was playing with Amanda not far away, who was watching, a small smile on her face as she saw I was feeling better. J Fred and Matthias were quietly talking, mostly to each other, but occasionally to Amanda, Mark, or me. Before too long, Amanda stood up, picked up Luna and propped her on her hip, and announced it was time to go eat dinner. We all followed her into the dining room, after Mark lead me to the bathroom for a wash up, and we all settled in seats around the table, with me sitting between Matthias and Mark. Mark pulled his chair over as close to me as he could, not that I really objected any, and rested a hand on my knee while we ate, just being sweet and making sure I knew he was there for me if I needed him. I was a little quiet, but not too bad, really, especially after the day I had been having. The food was good, and I was very careful to eat a small portion, so my stomach would be able to handle it without making me sick. I finished first, even though I was eating slowly, and excused myself to go tend to Chica. I smiled when I walked back out to the living room where she was waiting on the rug for us to come back in, watching the door. Her head came up as soon as she saw me and she was instantly at my side, bouncing around me, looking for all the world like a nervous mother checking her child for injury. I chuckled to myself as I settled on a cushion on the floor so she could sit across my lap. She was there like a shot, covering me with her body and cuddling in as close as she could, licking my face, and showering me in doggie love. I smiled through it all and returned the love with belly rubs, soft voiced approval, and scratches of her ears, neck, and head. After we both got comfortable and settled down a little, I grabbed the bag of dog supplies Mark had brought and got out a few more treats for her and a few toys, playing gently with her while I just unwound from the day, waiting for Mark to finish eating and join us. I chuckled as Chica found the squeaky toy I had on my lap and grabbed it with her mouth, then looking almost offended when it made a noise at her. She dropped it again and looked at it, then picked up something else, playing with it instead. I ran a hand down her coat, patting her back and just enjoying her company. 

That's how Mark found us a little while later. He grabbed a second cushion and sat down next to me and cuddled in close, then leaned over and kissed me. "Hey baby. You look a lot better now. Are you feeling better too?" I nodded and rested my head on Mark's shoulder. He smiled at me. "Good. I'm glad. You and Chica look good like this. You look happy and relaxed, and a little contemplative, honestly. What are you thinking so hard about?" 

I shook my head, making my curls dance into my line of sight. "Nothing really. I was just letting my mind wander and enjoying sitting with Chica. She's being so good and helping me stay calm, and I was enjoying the quality time playing with her. Did you need me to focus on something else?" 

Mark's smile never faltered. "No, of course not. I just wondered what had your attention." He leaned over again and kissed me, lingering long on my lips this time, his hand coming up to cradle my jaw and cheek. "Mmm. I could do this all night, you know. Matt and Amanda might object though, since we are on their living room floor. I'm really glad you're doing so much better and Chica's helping you feel better too though sweetheart. I hate seeing you sad and struggle like you have been today." Mark thumb stroked my cheek gently and I leaned into it, savoring the sensation, if only mentally. Mark chuckled softly to himself. "You look like you're trying to lean into my hand the same way Chica does when she wants more scratches, babe. If you whine the way she does, I swear to God, I'll lose it completely." 

I closed my eyes for a minute, and mentally laughed, shifting gears, then smoothed my expression. When I reopened my eyes, I gave him my best puppy dog eyes, pure pleading, and whimpered very softly. He instantly pulled me completely into his arms and kissed me thoroughly, knocking me over onto the floor. I grinned at him when we separated enough to breathe. "You meant like that, right?" 

Mark blinked and shook his head at me, a twinkle in his eye as he laughed, keeping me wrapped up in his arms and scooting around so he was almost under Chica and I now, lifting both of us up slightly to get us both more comfortable. "Yeah. That was scarily effective. Holy shit. Maybe don't use those big guns on me too often. And please, whatever you do, don't do that over the Internet. I think it would kill me. I kind of thought that was going to now, anyway." He leaned his head forward and rested his chin on my shoulder now, next to my head, so I rested my head next to his, just comfortably. He grinned. "I'm kind of glad we didn't have an audience for that performance too. Wow. That was something, baby. You melted my brain and my heart completely, with just that that look, and that sound. Now, you just lean on me and snuggle close with Chica and me for a while. I think Matt and Amanda are finishing up and coming back in here. Behave yourself." Mark kissed my ear, making me shiver slightly in his arms, but I hummed out a happy noise none the less. Chica, who had been watching our antics this whole time, borfed quietly now, clearly wanting attention again. 

I smiled at her. "Aw, pretty girl, were we ignoring you too much? I'm sorry Chica-bica. You're such a good girl too. Come here, I'll give you some love and petting. There's a good girl." I went back to showering her with praise and petting, and she settled back on my lap. 

Mark chuckled behind me. "You're spoiling her, you know, babe. Just like all this love you give me when you're here spoils me too. It makes it a lot harder for us to cope when you aren't here." 

I sighed. "Well, I'll be here as much as I can, love. But I live in another country. And right now, I'm not able to change that. It's not forever, I promise. Who knows, maybe by this time next year, I'll be back in the states. Or maybe you and Chica will be living with me, wherever I live. I hope you know the two of you would be more than welcome to move in with me, wherever I end up." I smiled softly, my fingers tangling in Chica's fur and I scratched her belly. "I love Ireland, but I liked a lot of the UK when I lived there briefly too, and I know Jack and Signe have been talking about moving over there. I would definitely move when they did, with them, because I need the support still. And before you ask why I'd move with them and not in with you, Mark, I have several very good reasons. First, the two of them are my support for a lot of things, just like you are. Second, I'd be moving here for you only, and I'm not sure our relationship is ready for that step yet, my love. Third, and for me, most importantly, LA is too big a city. Jack and Signe are looking at smaller towns. Felix is in Brighton, and I think that's probably where Jack will end up too. If he moved to London, or someplace like that, I'd still move to Brighton probably, or Blackpool, where my cousin lives, because I can't handle living in a city." I looked down at Chica and sighed, then back into Mark's eyes. "I went to college, at first anyway, in a city. That's where..." I trailed off. Mark nodded a look of understanding on his face. He kissed my cheek. I smiled at him. "So you understand why I can't handle a city? I mean, the noise, and all the people are bad enough, with my shyness. I can visit a city, for a few days, or even a month or two, but any more than that and my brain starts to eat itself with anxieties. That's the other reason I know I can't move in with you, out here in LA, lover, much as I want to." 

Matthias and Amanda had come into the room, quietly and settled on the armchairs facing the couch we were sitting in front of without us noticing. Luna was in Matthias's arms, watching Chica, sucking her thumb and holding a teddy bear, nearly asleep. Matthias's next comment, one of surprise, made both Mark and I look up and startled. "You guys are really that serious about each other already? I mean, I knew Mark was in love you from how he was acting when I talked to him the other day, but wow. This just seems so fast, for both of you. Not that it's a bad thing, just wow. I'm surprised, that's all." 

Amanda nodded. "Yeah. [Y/N], you seem like an amazing person. I had no idea who you were until Matt sent me a message earlier today he was bringing you with him and Mark for dinner and that you were dating Mark. I had no idea Mark was even seeing anyone. You're good for him though. I can tell. He needs someone like you in his life and you clearly need him too. I think you both just surprised us with how fast you figured all this out. Most people take years to figure relationships out. How long have the two of you even known each other?" 

I blushed. "A lot less than that. Um, I first started talking to Mark online a few months ago, at the end of February. Jack called him on Skype one evening when I was having a girls' night with Signe and introduced the two of us then and shortly after that Mark got my Skype info from Jack, with my consent, of course. It was one of the first weekends after I really started talking to Mark online that he and Jack wanted to play some games with me online and I jokingly suggested I could wear a mask so they could record the session and not screw up their recording schedules. Then I remembered my helmet and showed it off to Mark. He loved it, of course, and with the vocal changer, I actually felt confident enough to agree to let them record the videos. That's when I made the second joke, the one about starting a channel, that both of them jumped on the idea, and made me really do it the next day. That's how I actually started on YouTube. All this happened because I have a runaway mouth." 

Mark kissed my cheek. "Babe, a lot of good, not only for you, has come out of this. You have inspired so many people to do so much for others. Never forget that, okay? And I love the fact that you were so sassy and shy at the same time when I first talked to you." Mark squeezed my shoulder with one hand, leaving it resting there, his arms still wrapped around me, holding me close. "We both know this has been fast, but we also know how we feel. We just figured this out fast, that's all. Don't worry, it's a good thing. I'm not going anywhere without you." 

I smiled and nodded, relaxing into him a little more. "Good. I know I shouldn't worry, but sometimes..." I shook my head. "Sorry. My insecurities just get the better of me." Mark nodded and nuzzled his nose against my neck, kissing my shoulder. I sighed and melted into him even more, closing my eyes and really relaxing, making a small noise in the back of my throat of happiness. I could feel him smile against the skin of my shoulder as he kept pressing small kisses there, just showing me how much he loved me in a small way. I practically purred under his touch, much to his delight. I felt him speed up the kisses slightly for a minute. His hand, still resting on my other shoulder, started gently massaging the muscle, working out the knots from stress. "Mmm, Mark, that feels really nice. Sweetie, you really don't have to do that, especially right now. You should focus on talking to your friends. I can wait until we get back to your place." I whimpered slightly and my eyes closed again as he loosened a particularly tight knot along my shoulder blade with his thumb and stilled my hands on Chica's fur, unable to stop myself. I even felt my toes curl in my shoes as he continued to work his magic chasing away the tension, stress, pain, and tightness in my muscles with his wonderful, magical hands. 

Mark's response next to my ear almost made me embarrass myself, his voice was pitched low and sexy and I was starting to feel so good. "Baby, I want to make you feel better. I wish I had thought of this earlier. I could have helped you feel better a lot sooner. And Matt and Amanda can still talk to me. I'm not ignoring them. I think they know how important you are to me now though, and understand if you are my focus more than them tonight." Mark chuckled quietly when he felt me squirm a little and I realized he was getting just as turned on as I was, feeling me melt and heat up at the same time in his arms, molding my body against his, making a lot of unconsciously sexy noises, and generally just being soft and pliant under his hands and mouth. I opened my eyes, only to catch his gaze and see him wink at me, a look of love and lust deep in those beautiful brown pools of emotion, but also a lot of other things being conveyed to me. Reassurance that I was who Mark wanted to spend time with. Joy that I was with him, no matter how long or short the time was. Anticipation of time spent together, alone doing sexy things, and with other people just being together. Hope all these feelings were reciprocated. Even a little bit of uncertainty that maybe I was just a little beyond Mark's reach, out of his league, only humoring him, and when I realized it he would be crushed. 

When I saw that, I blinked and turned in Mark's arms and wrapped him up in both of mine, cradling him as close as I could. "Baby, no. I'm not out of your league. God, you should know how I feel about that by now. We talk about it often enough." Mark blushed slightly and swallowed, lowering his head. I lowered mine as well. "Mark, I..." I caught his eye again, letting my heart spill everything I was trying to say, unable to find the words. He blinked. We were both caught in the torrent of emotion and it almost felt like we would drown. 

A quiet "Whoa." behind us broke the spell. Both of us shook our heads and closed our eyes, resting our foreheads against each other, feeling emotionally drained. Matthias came over and rested a hand on Mark's shoulder. "Mark, buddy, are you two okay? That was the most intense look I've ever seen two people share. It looked like you were both trying to just reassure each other and somehow got lost in communicating that way. I've never seen anything even close before." 

Amanda spoke up. "Me either. Listen, why don't the two of you head home for the night? I can tell both of you are pretty tired. Matt and I aren't doing anything all that exciting tonight anyway. We're probably just going to get Luna settled, then watch some Netflix or something for a little while. We can plan to hang out another night, after you have had the chance to rest a little more and recover from your traveling, [Y/N]. I'm going to go try to get Miss Luna here to go to sleep now, so I'll wish you both goodnight. It was lovely to meet you, [Y/N]. Have a great night, guys. Bye Mark." With that Amanda Faye took Luna, who had nodded off in Matthias's lap, and walked off. 

Matthias looked at us again, nodding. "Yeah, Amanda's right. You two need your rest. I'm a little surprised, with all the emotional energy you've used today, [Y/N], that you're even still awake. Especially after you guys told us you had been awake for more than twenty four hours straight like that. You need to take care of yourself, or let Mark take care of you, which I'm sure he wants to do anyway. And Mark, I know you haven't been sleeping very well, since you got back from Ireland." I looked up, startled, then over at him. He was looking down, not meeting my eyes. I made a noise of question. Matthias chuckled. "He didn't tell you? He can't sleep. He's claiming it's because he's got too much on his mind, or he's too excited about all his projects and everything going on around him. We all knew it was because he was missing you too much, or we did once we figured it out. The only times he'd really seem happy, most of the time, were right after he'd talk to you, or whenever you'd send him a message. Now, since you're an insomniac too, that seemed to be an awfully lot of the time, so he wasn't too bad, and we all were keeping him busy, but it had been months since I had seen Mark before this. Tyler, who just moved out here, called me up to get some help getting Mark out of his mood when he saw how bad Mark really was." Matthias shook his head, but he was smiling softly. "He was a mess. We didn't exactly blame him, but none of us knew how bad he was going to be missing you either, [Y/N]. Mark always plays things cool, at least he has before, unless it's about his channel or his dog. The whole world knows how he feels about them." 

I smiled and kissed Mark, tenderly, but not overly sexily. "Mark, next time, please tell me if you have trouble sleeping, love. Did it help, the nights I talked you to sleep, or sang to you?" 

Mark blushed and nodded, then rested his head on my shoulder again. "Yeah. Those were the only nights I actually slept for more than an hour or two at a time, usually. I was too embarrassed to tell you though. I'm a fully grown adult man. I should be able to go to sleep at night without—" 

I cut him off by placing a finger over his lips, gently. "Shh. Baby, sometimes you need to just let me in to help you. It's not a big deal. I love talking to you. You know I'll always, always, always make time for you." I kissed him again. "I had a lot of trouble sleeping too. It's hard to sleep alone after you get used to sleeping next to someone you love." 

Mark blinked and all the tension he had built up from Matthias telling me about this drained away. I felt his whole body just relax under me again as he let the stress go. "Babe. I should have known you'd get it. Did you have to talk to your therapist about this?" I nodded, a small, rueful smile twisting my face. Mark tilted his head at my expression, looking curious. 

"My therapist suggested I spend less time away from you. I have to say, I was a little surprised. I was afraid he was going to accuse me of becoming dependent or co-dependent on you, in an unhealthy way. He doesn't seem to think that's happening, at all, though. He does want to see me as soon as I get back, but he told me to take as long as I needed in between, as long as I was with you." I smiled more naturally again. "He trusts you, from what I've said about you, my love. And I did tell him the truth, about who you are, and who I am, just after you left. Jack and Signe came with me that day. It was the same day I got my hair changed." 

Mark nodded. "I remember you telling me about it." He smiled at me again. "I think I remember almost everything you've told me, unless you fried my brain or told me something while I was asleep, sweetheart. I listen to you, pretty carefully. You're important, so I pay attention, unless you're distracting me, and even then, I try." 

I grinned. "I know Mark. And I try not to distract you too badly when I'm telling you anything important. Now, I think Matthias and Amanda Faye are right. We've imposed on their hospitality enough for one day. Let's go home. Chica needs some dinner, not just treats, and we can cuddle there just as easily as here. I don't think I'm going to be staying up very late tonight either." 

Mark nodded. "Okay, baby." Mark looked up at Matthias, who was still standing next to us, watching us with a smile. "So buddy, are you going to be willing to drive us home, or do I need to try to call an Uber?" 

Matthias grinned. "Gimme two minutes. I want to go make sure Amanda doesn't need any help with getting Luna to bed or need me to pick anything up from the store while I'm out. You two can get Chica ready to leave, if you want. I want to give Luna her goodnight kiss from Daddy too. Back in a minute guys." 

We nodded. Chica had fallen asleep on my lap now, while we had been talking, as we had been petting her. Mark lifted me up from his lap, gathered Chica's things back up into the bag he had brought and woke her up. "Hey girl. Chica. Wake up, girl. It's time to go home. Daddy's girlfriend needs to get up now. Thank you, angel. Such a good puppy." Mark knelt down and was scratching Chica's ears and rubbing her head, earning lots of licks and doggy love, as well as excited tail wags. I stood up slowly, my legs mostly asleep from having been on the floor so long under Chica. Mark noticed and let go of Chica to catch me when I wobbled, smiling at me and holding me close. Chica didn't seem to mind too much, just including me in the love now. I grinned and laughed softly, a feeling of pure joy bubbling out of me. Mark leaned in and kissed my throat, seemingly unable to stop himself. "God, you're so gorgeous, babe. And that sound... You sound like an angel, so happy and light. I love you so, so much. I've never felt this way about anyone else, ever. It's such a rush, but it's almost scary. I just don't know how I'm supposed to handle anything when you aren't around. It actually hurts to be away from you." 

I sighed softly and reached up to cradle Mark's cheek. "Mark, I know. When I thought you were going to be going home at PAX, and I knew I couldn't follow you, it felt like my heart was being torn out. Believe me, I do know exactly what you mean, I'm feeling the same things. We are both strong people though, sweetie. We can figure this out. I'll be here for a good long visit now, and then I'll be back before you know it. I'll be gone less than a week. Then I'll be back for another month, at least. And I just got here, less than twenty four hours ago, so I'm not going anywhere without you for a long time yet, loverboy. You just hold me close as long as you need to, to convince yourself of that fact, okay? I promise, I don't mind if you're a little clingy for a few days. I might say something if it goes much beyond that, but only if it gets embarrassing in public, sweetie, or if your friends are complaining." 

Mark nodded and nestled his head against my neck again, closing his eyes, and took several deep breaths, as though reassuring himself I was really there by breathing me in. I smiled at the idea, and ran a hand down his back. That's how Matthias found us when he came back in the room, wrapped up tight together, clinging to each other, Mark sniffing me, Chica showering both of us in love, and me running my hand down Mark's back, holding him close. He blinked. "What? Mark, buddy, are you okay? Did something happen? You look like you're ready to cry." 

Mark shook his head, keeping it buried in my neck. I kissed the back of his head. "He's just being a softy. He was telling me how much it hurt to be away from me, and now he's emotional." I sighed. "Both of us are a little overtired. I'm sorry. That's not much fun to be around." 

Matthias waved a hand. "Not your fault, guys. You've both been under a lot of pressure. Don't even worry about it. The two of you should just relax and rest tonight. Mark, I'll email you later this week and set up a time to try to meet up with the two of you later, before your girlfriend leaves again, okay?" I heard Mark sniffle. So did Matthias apparently. I sighed and rubbed Mark's back again. Mathias nodded at me. "Will you be in town a while?" 

I smiled. "Yeah. Like I mentioned, I'll be here several weeks, then home to Ireland for just under a week, then back for over a month." I smiled crookedly. "I have the feeling Ireland and Mark's place are both going to be 'home' before long. Not that I mind." 

Mark's hug got noticeably tighter around me. "I'd like that." 

I chuckled. "I know you would, Markimoo. We'll talk more about it soon, I'm sure. You just relax in my arms, sweetie. You look almost as tired as I feel, babe. How did I miss that?" 

Mark smiled at me. "I've been trying to hide it from you. Now that you know, I'm not. Let's just go home and rest. We're both exhausted." I nodded. We followed Matthias out to his car and loaded Chica in the back, climbing in with her and snuggling together in the backseat again. Matthias started to say something, I think, but changed his mind when he saw how tired both of us really were. He put the radio on quietly instead as Mark and I curled into each other. Mark was asleep before the garage door even closed behind us again. I managed to make it to the end of the street. I woke up just as we pulled in at Mark's to Chica's quiet borf. I blinked a few times, sleepily and stretched, then reached over and kissed Mark gently, on the cheek. He smiled and shifted in the seat, coming awake again slowly. "Hmm. I love waking up that way. What's going on baby? Where are we? I don't even remember falling asleep." Mark yawned hugely. Chica dived into his lap, seeing him moving around now, making him gasp out a pained grunt when she hit him in the groin. 

Matthias winced. "Ouch. Sorry Mark. You guys managed to sleep the entire ride back. The car ride knocked you out, exactly like it does for Luna." 

I shook my head and grabbed Chica's collar, gently pulling her off Mark. "Come here, baby. Let daddy catch his breath. Let's go get you some dinner. Are you hungry, girl?" Chica borfed once and I opened the door. She bounded out, with me close behind. Mark followed a minute later, wishing Matthias good night. I waved as he pulled away and kept a hand on Chica as Mark unlocked the door for us, letting us in. Before long, I had Chica's dinner for her, in her dish, and her water dish refilled. She ate happily with Mark watching from the kitchen table, a hand on my waist as I leaned against the counter. I smiled at him. "So, do you want to wait for Chica to finish her dinner, let her out for the night and head to bed, or do you want to go cuddle on the couch and watch some TV, sweetie? It's not super late yet, we could probably manage a little TV if you want before we both get too tired now." 

Mark smiled at me, then stood up and pulled me close. "Mmm. Anything where you are will be wonderful. Let's go get changed for bed, babe. Then we can snuggle on the couch and just go to bed whenever we're ready. Chica can come find us when she's ready to be let out for the night." I nodded and the two of us headed back to Mark's bedroom, grabbing clothes, then the bathroom to wash up, change clothes, and brush our teeth. We both finished about the same time, and Mark grinned then suddenly just scooped me up in his arms and carried me out to couch, tossing me gently onto the cushions. I squealed a little but enjoyed it none the less. Mark grabbed his laptop before he settled in beside me, laying me down, then lying next to me and scooting over so I was trapped next to him, but I didn't mind. The first thing he did after he got settled was boot up his computer and log onto Skype, checking to see who was online. I was a little surprised to see Jack and Signe both were, and that we got a call from them, but Mark picked up right away. I snuggled into Mark's chest as he picked up. "Hey Jack. What's up? Hi Signe. Nice to see you. What are the two of you doing online at this hour? It's got to be pretty late over there by now, right?" 

I glanced at the time and blinked, thinking. "Or really early. Mark, they could have just gotten up for the day. It's like six in the morning at home. Now hush and let them talk." I kissed him to quiet him down, making him grin. 

Jack laughed. "Lass, it's good ta see ye can keep him in line. We were just up early and when we saw Mark come online, we thought we'd see if ye wanted ta talk. We kind of assumed ye'd be with him, after all. How's yer trip so far? Everything going well?" 

I sighed and made a face. "Eh. I'm all out of sorts from travel. Today was rough. Plus, yesterday was such a long day, I'm pretty exhausted. I napped a little today, but then again, I had several anxiety and panic incidents too. Tomorrow should be better, I'm hoping. Mark was great, as always." I smiled at him, and rested my head against him, listening to his heartbeat. "Actually, Mark had a rough day too, so we were both just planning to relax and unwind a little before we go to bed. We just got home." 

Mark nodded and rested a hand on my back, rubbing a gentle pattern, making me feel a little sleepy. "Yeah. Matthias and Amanda had us over for dinner. Chica went with us. She was a rock star dog all day today, helping [Y/N] with her anxiety and just being really protective of her. Chica's completely in love with her, just like I am." I blushed faintly in the dim light of the room. 

Jack grinned at me. "Good on ye, lass. Chica's a sweet doggo. I'm sorry ta hear ye're having trouble with yer panic though. I'm surprised ye didn't call me. Ye know ye could have, if ye needed to." 

I grinned now. "Oh, I know. But Mark was there, helping me. Besides, the only time it came up, you and Signe were, um, busy." Both of them looked at each other, blushed bright, then back at me. 

Signe started giggling as Jack slowly slid off screen, clearly trying to hide or die, I wasn't sure which. "Well, that's new. Since when do you just know that?" 

I grinned at Signe. "I have no idea. I just knew. I mean, if I concentrate on either of you, I kind of know what you're doing anyway. And, um, that was really, vividly, clear. We were talking about the fact that I'm psychic to Ethan, Tyler, Kathryn, and Matthias. They were a little doubtful, even though I had just demonstrated my powers, not mentioning them beforehand. That's when you guys came up in the conversation. It was a little embarrassing for me. Mark had no idea I could do that, and to be honest, neither did I until it happened." Jack was still beetroot red. 

Signe was grinning, an eyebrow raised. "Exactly how much do you know, sweetie?" 

"Signe, for tha love o' god! I don't need ta hear this woman! JAYSUS!" Jack looked ready to scream and run away. Mark chuckled quietly beside me. I shot him a warning look. He settled down. 

I looked back at Jack and Signe and smiled softly. "Guys, it's not like that. Really. I just got certain, overly happy feelings. And a strong sense of lust from both of you. I shut the connection pretty fast. You didn't honestly think I _wanted_ to know, right? I mean, that's a little creepy, Signe. You know I think of Jack like a brother. It kind of makes my skin crawl. You overshare as it is. I really, REALLY don't need more details. But Ethan and Tyler might ask you if I really know. It appears I do." 

Jack grinned at me. "Good ta know ye feel about like I do on this, lass. It is creepy ta think of ye that way, or ta think of ye knowing that about me." I nodded. "At least I know ye won't use that knowledge against me." 

My eyes got wide and I sat up, making Mark protest. "Jack! I would NEVER!" Jack's and Signe's eyes got huge suddenly. Mark pulled me back down just as fast. I was confused until I looked down. When I sat up that fast, my nightgown has slid down, almost completely, leaving me exposed on camera. I buried my face in Mark's side, blushing, unable to talk now. Mark just rubbed a hand down my back. 

"Shh, baby, I got you. It's okay." Mark just kept rubbing my back. My embarrassment made my face throb and my anxiety burn and swirl madly. My mental connection with Signe and Jack sent me back shock. 

Suddenly, I heard laughter. Signe was giggling, hard. "Damn, Mark. I don't swing that way, but holy shit. That made me sit up and take notice. Jack noticed that too, even if he does think of her as a sister. Now he's going to be all confused." She giggled harder for a minute. "Oh man, good thing they aren't _actual_ siblings. That would have been SO messed up." 

I lifted my head and glared at her, sending a withering look through the connection. "Jack, when I get home, don't eat the next batch of goodies I bake. At least, not without checking in with me first." Signe stopped laughing and shivered. Mark and Jack both chuckled a little now. 

Mark leaned over and kissed me. "There's my girl. Vengeful as ever. So, will they be hot sauce cupcakes? Or do you have something else planned?" 

I smiled grimly at him. "I can't tell you yet. Besides, if I say it while she's listening, Signe will just avoid her punishment, which means I'll just have to drag it out longer and she'll earn extras. No one wants that, now, do they?" 

Signe looked at me, hard and shivered again. "I'm really sorry, [Y/N]. I'll be good. Please, no hot foods. You know how bad I am with those." 

I leaned against Mark again still feeling unsteady and anxious. "We'll have to see how I feel when I get home. Right now, I'm still too close to a panic attack. This is almost really bad, and having you laugh at me is just messed up. That's what my friend did that earned her the punishment before." I wrapped my arms tightly around myself, trying to hold myself together, unsuccessfully fighting back tears and panic. 

Mark looked worriedly at me. "Guys, I think I better go. I'll call you both soon. I need to go take care of her. This isn't the first attack she's had today, so [Y/N] really needs some downtime and attention. Thanks for checking in on us. I promise, we'll call soon. Bye guys!" Both of them said fast goodbyes and waved before Mark hung up, but I was so busy trying to hang on that I couldn't respond. Mark turned his computer back off and put it on the table, then drew me into his lap, picking me up. "Hey beautiful. Are you okay?" 

I shook my head, ready to cry harder than I already was. "How could I have been that stupid, Mark? I mean—" I cut myself off with a sob, unable to hold it together any longer. 

Mark sat up and just pulled me in closer, wrapping me in his arms as tight as he could. "Shh, baby, it's okay. Really. No one was hurt. No one got mad. Shh. You're okay. I love you. You're safe. It's okay." 

I shivered and wept. "No, Mark, it's not okay. What if it had been someone else? I mean, I know Jack and Signe won't use that against me, but it could have been anyone, or someone could have hacked the cameras, or, or..." 

Mark just held me. "Shh. Baby, it really is okay. Even if that had happened we could get through it. Yes, it would be hard. Yes, it would be embarrassing, but you did nothing wrong. You didn't even do it on purpose. And personally, I love your boobs. You should be proud of your body, not ashamed of it." 

I shivered and curled in on myself, trying to hide, to avoid his gaze, to cover my body and the years of insecurities and traumas I had. I couldn't so I just spiraled mentally, spinning out hard and fast, hearing the worst of the voices of my past, the harshest criticisms, the worst abuse, relived the worst moments of my life on repeat, trapped in a soundproof, nearly impenetrable from the outside bubble of pain. My heartbeat spiked up to nearly deadly levels now as well. I never felt Mark's hands moving me, gently, then less gently, shaking me, trying to get me back. What got through to me was his voice in my ear, soft and sweet, singing. I closed my eyes focusing all my brain power on that one thing, shutting everything else out until I had control again, then slowly widening my focus one sense at a time. Smell. I could smell Chica and Mark, close at hand. Mark smelled of soap, shampoo, and a faint mix of scents I had yet to identify, except for knowing it was distinctly him. I started to relax a little more. Sounds. Besides Mark's voice, singing softly in my ear, I hear his heartbeat pressed against my other ear, the sound of Chica panting in my lap, the gentle thump, thump of Chica's tail as it wagged back and forth. My body loosened up a little further. Touch. I felt Chica pressed against me as I lay across Mark's body. He had laid back down on the couch again, pulling me down on top of him, laying me so my head was pressed to just over his heart so I could feel and hear the gentle rhythm and follow the pattern with my body. I felt Chica laying on top of me, sprawled out, panting, tail wagging and occasionally bumping into one of our intertwined legs. My overtaxed body eased a bit more. Sight. I opened my eyes. I saw Mark. He was watching me, a look of worry, love, concern, and hope mixing on his face. The happiness that overtook it when I opened my eyes and looked at him nearly blinded me, or so I thought. I saw Chica, resting on me, looking concerned and protective, watching me, looking every bit as loving as Mark. I relaxed almost all the way. Taste. I tasted coppery blood. In my panic, my blood pressure had spiked and my nose had started to bleed, draining down the back of my throat filling my mouth with the taste of blood, added to by the fact I had bitten through my lip when I was panicked, reliving my hellacious past. When Mark saw I was back, he smiled at me and slowed his singing, coming to a stop after a few minutes. 

"There you are. Are you all right now, baby?" 

I snuggled into Mark's chest, and sighed. "Not really. That was a really bad one Mark. It was one of the attacks where I was reliving ... things. I couldn't hear or see what was going on around me now. The only thing I could hear from the present was you, singing. Thank you for getting through to me, like that. I feel like you might have saved my life." I shivered. "I feel like those attacks, when they happen, could kill me. It feels like I'm having a heart attack too. And I'm suffocating. There's no air, anywhere. But you saved me." 

Mark shook his head. "No baby, you saved yourself. I just gave you a way back out. You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. And Chica came out to help too, as soon as she realized you were in trouble." Mark rubbed both his hands down my back now and kissed me sweetly. "I love you so much, sweetheart. What can I do to help you right now?" 

I kissed Mark back then snuggled into him. "Mmm. Keep doing that. Make me feel good, Mark, please. Just for a little while. Make me forget my panic." 

Mark blinked at me, slowly, then a huge sexy smile broke out on his face. "Of course, my dear. Whatever you want. Let me just let Chica out, then I'll be right back and we can have some fun together. I'll make sure you relax and feel so good, then you can sleep in my arms all night long and I'll sleep in yours. We'll sleep together." 

I nodded, smiling. "That sounds amazing, Mark. Both meanings." Mark nodded too and kissed me again, then slowly stood up, gently lifting me off him, cradling me in his arms as he got up, making me feel safe and loved the whole time. Chica got off us as soon as he started to shift around, making things much easier. He set me back on the couch with another slow kiss, then took Chica out for the night, coming back to me as fast as he could. I had just managed to strip my nightgown off, so I was now sitting naked on Mark's couch, waiting for him to get back. Mark saw me and scooped me up in his arms the instant he was close enough, nibbling my neck softly. I practically purred under the attention, particularly when his hands started wandering over my body. I let my mind turn off completely, letting my senses and body have total control and set about making Mark feel just as wonderful as he was making me feel when he stood up and dropped his pajama pants so he was just as naked as I was. I grinned ferally at him and beckoned him back down to me with a crooked finger. He gave me a wolfish grin then dove for me. We both got lost in making each other feel amazing, several times. Finally, after we both were feeling a bit boneless, we cooled off enough to notice Chica was ready to come back in. Mark put his pajama pants back on and let her in, then came over and lifted me up and carried me back to the bedroom, cuddling me in his arms, only to gently settle me in the bed for the night. He was just climbing in next to me, snuggling in close as I was drifting off to sleep, looking three quarters of the way asleep himself, when I realized neither one of us had stopped to even consider birth control at all this evening. I gave a mental shrug, knowing I was on the birth control shot, and decided not to worry about it at this point, and just to enjoy snuggling in bed with Mark. He had definitely made me forget all about my panic and anxiety of the day, making me go boneless and relaxed. I smiled and kissed him one final time as we both drifted off to sleep, holding each other tight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping to get this out earlier in the weekend, but it ended up being a lot longer than I had originally thought it was going to be. Here's the second part of the last chapter (or the next chapter if you want to get technical). Hope everybody enjoys!
> 
> This story will be goin on a (hopefully brief) hiatus until at least after the new year. This should let me get all my ducks in a row, mentally, and a little planning done, but as always, if y;all can't wait and just must see more sooner, send me a message and I'll see what I can do to speed things up. So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Thanksgiving (to all my fellow Americans), Happy Boxing Day, and Happy New Year (as well as any other celebrations I happened to have missed that you celebrate that I missed).
> 
> Now edited thanks to the our fantastic new beta, Shae_Renuel. Thank you again for helping me with this! I didn't take every single suggestion you made and run with it, true, but I did use most of them. They helped a LOT! (2/7/2018) So everyone make sure to thank her. She and I have been working together on betaing my other stuff some too, along with a few other secret projects that are SLOW (we're both really busy so give us a break!). I should have another chapter of this up very soon. I'm not really sure why AO3 has decided to change the published date on this like I added a new chapter today, but whatever, Night Breezes (my Jack X Reader) just got a MASSIVE update again (the last two updates I did, since I had ignored it for so long) but this one and my main story both have partial chapters waiting for me to post as soon as I can finish them. I'm off to go work on them (and a little more editing). See all of you in the comment soon! MWAW!! KISSES!


	28. Connections and Understandings *

When I woke up the next morning, my first thought was mind panic, remembering the events of last night, and I felt my heart race and my breathing hitch. Mark was just waking up too and I could tell he realized as soon as my breathing changed that something was wrong. "Shh, babe, it's okay. I've got you. What's wrong?"

I swallowed and buried my face in his chest, fighting down the strongest wave of my worries and fears as I fought my emotions back. After a few minutes, I was in control again. "Sorry. I woke up remembering what happened last night as tha first thing on my mind. I always struggle a little more when I first wake up, with my anxiety. Usually if you're here, I can manage ta squash it back down pretty fast, but this morning things just swamped me before even opened my eyes. I'm going ta need ta call Jack and talk ta him, soon." 

Mark nodded and kissed me softly. "Whatever you need to do, babe, we'll do. How do you feel other than that? Or can you not think of anything else?"

I assessed my overall anxiety and panic, as well as the rest of my body, making sure I wasn't getting sick or still feeling run down from travel. Then I remembered about the birth control, or lack thereof and bit my lip, looking at Mark. "Mark, we need ta have a talk, soon. I..." I swallowed and tried again. "We forgot ta use any condoms last night, in our haste ta get ta bed."

Mark blinked. "Babe." He opened his mouth, then shut it, then opened it again. "Shit. I know you said before you were on back up birth control, but I know it's not one hundred percent effective. Listen to me, carefully, please. I want you to know this right here and now. I really, really would love to have kids with you, but not yet. I don't think either one of us is ready to have a baby right now. If you are pregnant, that's a different thing, but we need to be more careful, okay? At least until we are ready to sit down and try to plan a family together. I'd like that. but I want to get married first, and we're not there yet."

I smiled softly at him. "No, we aren't. Actually, I wasn't worried, particularly, but I wanted ta bring it up because we need ta talk about it anyway. We never talked about things besides birth control, like whether or not we had been tested for STD's." I looked down, biting my lip, my anxiety rising again.

Mark went still beside me, sensing this might be a very sensitive subject for me, in more ways than one. "I'm clean, baby. I get tested between every partner. You have nothing to worry about from me."

I nodded and looked back up, meeting his eyes. "I'm clean too. I was so scared after what happened ta me, but I was extremely lucky. None of tha guys who..." I trailed off. Mark just nodded, understanding what I meant without me needing to spell it out for him. "... participated had any diseases. And ever since then I've been on the pill or the birth control shot, ta help with my hormone levels for my period. Also because my therapist insisted, declaring I would someday just jump inta bed with a random stranger and never look back, or a series of strangers, more likely."

Mark grinned at me, lopsidedly. "Well, I'm not a stranger, but I am strange. And you did jump into bed with me pretty fast. So that part was right."

I shook my head, protesting. "No, Mark. You aren't a stranger. I've followed your channel for years and years. I feel like I've known you forever. And honestly, it felt like coming home, meeting you. You fill in all the missing pieces of my life, remember? How could some quack have predicted that? And she was a quack. Don't give her any more credit than she deserves. She told me far too many things that were wrong for me were helping me, and things that were helping me were hurting me, like limiting my exposure to other people. She thought I should be surrounding myself with as many other people as I could, at all times, despite my absolute terror at the very idea. It didn't matter to her that I had six collapses and three hospital visits that I had to be sedated for four days for to her after I followed her advice and went to an event she recommended like a rock concert. I still followed her advice and she was a doctor, so she must be right, according to her, and my family. She was also the one who said I should be dating, even though I knew I wasn't ready yet, all that time ago." I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts, not even noticing my accent was slipping back and forth because of the stress.

Mark pulled me back into his arms. "Hmm. Sounds like she was a crazy bitch. I'm glad you found a better therapist then. I strongly approve." I smiled and set my head on his shoulder, letting myself calm back down the rest of the way. I was surprised to feel a sense of peace flowing through me, despite all my anxiety of the past few weeks. In fact, I felt more at ease and restful, here, like this, in Mark's arms, than I had since before I had started my channel and my life had started spiraling into a crazed whirlwind or sound and color and chaos. I sighed softly, contently, and smiled. Mark looked at my expression and blinked, then grinned. "Hey sexy. What are you thinking about? You look oddly happy considering how you woke up, just a few minutes ago, not that I'm complaining. I love to see you happy." Mark pressed a gentle kiss onto my cheek as he watched me.

I looked back at him. "I was just reflecting and calming down. I feel better than I have since before PAX. And probably since before I started my channel. It made me happy. It feels good to be here with you, like this, even if I know I have to go home eventually, because I know I get to come back soon, or you'll be coming to meet me. All this planning wasn't just for your benefit babe. I need it too. You bring so much into my life, I need to know when I can see you, to help me manage things. You feel like safety and home, all cuddled up like this." Mark hugged me, wordlessly. I looked into his eyes and was surprised to see tears. I gave him a tender kiss. "Aw, you big softy, you. I love you."

He chuckled weakly. "Hey, you said you watch my channel. My viewers all know I can be a bubble blowing baby. They tell me often enough."

I giggled. "Yet another reason to wear a mask. I can appear stony and hardhearted if I want. Only I'm going to know what a snotty, sobbing mess I really am, off camera, unless I make a noise that I can't edit out, or I'm filming a collab and someone else hears me." I shook my head and went serious. "Actually, I haven't played anything that would evoke that kind of reaction from me, on purpose. I can't handle playing certain games on the channel. I couldn't deal with being triggered and having to explain what happened to the viewers, or editing that part out again later, because just seeing it might trigger me all over again. Sometimes it's like walking through a landmine, all unmarked, you never know what you might accidentally step on until it's too late, and you hear the click, then, boom, it's too late." Mark kissed my cheek again. I looked at him. He gave me a slightly stressed smile. I stood up next to the bed and hauled Mark up, gathering clothes for the day. "Come on Mark, let's go get showered and dressed. Do you want to take Chica for a run again?"

Mark nodded. I sighed, biting my lip. "Okay. You two go ahead. I'll hang back today and make all of us some breakfast. It will be ready when you get back. I'm going to call Jack while you're gone too, Mark, unless you want me to wait for you to get back, to talk to him with me. I really feel like I need to address what happened right away, so I can get the last of my anxiety calmed down. It's not too bad, but I'd rather have a totally clear head today than have something lingering like this all day and accidentally end up having another bad day because of something that I can fix by talking to him first thing."

Mark sighed. "Okay, I wish you would come with me, just so I would know for sure you were safe, but I understand. And you can call Jack whenever you need, I already told you. I'll probably call him again later, just to chat with him and see if he's up for some games, but you should definitely talk this out now, before anyone else is around."

I nodded, blushing faintly, pausing my movements and going stock still. "I still can't believe I flashed the two of them like that. My god." I shook my head, looking down and wrapping my arms around myself tightly. Mark came over and wrapped his arms around me from behind, embracing me tightly just below my own arms. I smiled and rested my head against his as he booped my nose with a fingertip. "Sorry, I don't mean to be a downer this morning, I was just getting a little overwhelmed. I have some body issues still that I haven't managed to shake or work through. This just has me a bit rattled." 

Mark just kept his arms around me. "Why on earth would you think you are anything but the most earth-shatteringly beautiful, sexiest, smartest, hottest goddess ever to walk amongst us mere mortals, my dear? You shine brighter than I can believe and are so lovely you make me melt all the time. If you were any more perfect, I'd be afraid to touch you, for fear of marring that perfection, damaging something gifted to humans by heaven."

I shook my head at Mark, smiling faintly, knowing he was trying to make me feel better by laying it on thick, but also that he was being sincere in most of his compliments and that he meant every bit of the sentiment behind the words. I leaned into him and kissed him. I let him distract me willingly, allowing the playful banter to melt my mood back into something lighter. "Mm, well you make me weak too baby. And you look so good to me I can't keep my eyes, or my hands, off you. Haven't you noticed?"

Mark grinned at me kissing me back with a chuckle. "Good. Keep those hands where I can feel them then. I like them there. It helps me know you are here with me, not some dream I came up with who is going to disappear in a few minutes and leave me alone again. God, you make the world seem so much brighter, more colorful, and happier when you're around. How do you manage to do that, babe?"

I laughed softly. "Mark... I think it's just the love, sweetie. Love tends to do that to people. Thank you for pulling me back from the edge there. I hate having moody mornings like this."

Mark just took the opportunity to gently squeeze me closer. "Mhm, at your service, sexy. I love being able to help you, especially with something as small and easy as keeping you in an safe mental spot first thing in the morning. It gives me the perfect excuse to cuddle you even more than usual, something I always enjoy, and I can really make sure you start the day off in a good way. I know you're plenty tough and strong, but everybody needs help sometimes babe. I like helping you, a lot, especially with things like this, when you let me. Now, I just realized something, cutie. When you were first waking up and really stressed, your accent slipped back into Irish again. Does that happen a lot?"

I blushed. "More lately, since I've been in Ireland a while now and actually talking to people, especially now that I'm hanging around Jack so much more. I'm sorry. It tends to happen more when I'm tired or distracted, or even just upset." 

Mark put a gentle finger on my lips, then kissed my cheeks. "Hey don't be sorry. You're incredibly sexy when you talk, no matter what accent you use. If you dare mention this to Jack, I will absolutely deny it completely and take my revenge on you later, just you wait and see, but I think Irish accents are sexy. Especially yours."

I chuckled and kissed Mark again. "Hmm, I'll keep that in mind. And Mark, I won't tell Jack, don't worry. I don't kiss and tell. At least not to him. God, that would creep both of us out." I chuckled, remembering the conversation we had just after Mark had come back to California, about Skype sex, and the fact that I just barely mentioned the topic had made both of us extremely uncomfortable. I giggled harder. Mark raised an eyebrow at me now. I grinned at him. "Um, after you came home, we talked about the possibility of needing to have phone or Skype sex, remember?" Mark nodded, blushing faintly at the memory of that conversation, or the one that followed next, where we actually did, I wasn't sure. I grinned brighter. "I told Jack we had an uncomfortable conversation, but not about what, just telling him it would make him uncomfortable to know. He kept pushing until I told him and even then I just told him the bare essentials of the subject. He was VERY squicked out. I was right."

Mark laughed. "Yeah, well, you did say he thinks of you like a sister. I don't have any sisters, but if I did, I can't say I'd want to hear them talking about having sex with my friends. It just crosses into weird territory. You did try to warn him off first though."

I nodded. "I did. I think he was afraid it was something bad that I thought would upset him or something, not be about sex." I rested my head on Mark's shoulder again. "He's gotten kind of protective of me lately, not that I mind. Jack's been great about helping me deal with everything. I really have needed someone close by to help me cope." Mark nodded and rubbed a hand down my back gently and watched my face for a few seconds, smiling fondly. "I'm glad I moved to Ireland, don't get me wrong, but it's been hard, being away from all my family and friends for so long, not that they were really around anymore, even at home. Everyone had moved on with their lives. I knew it was time I did too. Change is just really hard and scary. Thank you for being so strong for me."

Mark looked me in the eye. "Baby, you don't give yourself enough credit. You are so, so strong. Stronger than I can believe sometimes. Way stronger than I am, for sure. I wish you would believe me and believe in yourself a little more. So, my sexy, Irish love, please don't doubt yourself so much. You can do a lot more then you have any idea. I have so much faith in you." Mark kissed me, a tender, gentle kiss, full of passion and emotions. I closed my eyes and leaned into it, letting him take the lead. I was almost sad to feel him end it a moment later, even if I did feel Chica coming over and rubbing our legs, seeking attention. I looked down at her and smiled softly, then reached down and rubbed her behind the ears. She sat down and panted, looking happy. Mark laughed softly. "Oh, someone's a spoiled princess, yes, she is. Well, Daddy is going to take his princess on a run, just as soon as he can get dressed. Princess Chica will just have to wait a few minutes. Sorry baby girl. I can't go running dressed like this, the neighbors will complain. Again."

I laughed now and sat down on the floor. "Come here, girl. I'll cuddle with you until Daddy's ready. Then while you and Daddy are out getting all sweaty running around, I'll make us all some yummy breakfast and have it all ready for when you get back. Won't that be nice? You're such a good girl, so smart, and so pretty. Good Chica." Chica was wagging her tail a mile a minute now, standing in front of me, looking at me adoringly. She borfed a few times as I scratched her ears and under her chin for a couple of minutes. It was enough to let the last, linger tension melt from me, leaving me feeling truly clear headed for the first time since I woke up. I smiled a bit brighter and pressed a soft kiss onto her head. "Thank you, angel, for coming to calm me down and cheer me up. You do such a good job taking care of me, just like your wonderful Daddy. I don't know what I would do without the two of you, watching out for me now. I'm going to have to make you an extra treat one of these days, just to show my appreciation."

Mark came over, dressed for a run, his hair a mess, as he finished pulling his shirt into place. "Hey [Y/N], you look better then you did just a few minutes ago. Did sitting with Chica help you again?" I nodded as I stood up carefully. Mark helped me, stealing a kiss, then latched Chica's leash on her for their run. "Good. We'll be back in a little while. You just relax and enjoy a little quiet time, okay? We'll see you soon, baby. Bye."

"See you in a little while, babe. Bye Chica. Have a good run. Mark, make sure you have your cell phone. If anything comes up, I'll call you. I don't plan on it, but, just in case, it's better to be prepared." Mark nodded, grabbed his phone and keys and headed out the door, slipping both of them in his pockets as he set off at a slow run behind Chica, heading off for the park again. I headed for the shower, carrying the clothes I planned to wear for the day. I took a fast shower and got dressed, then started breakfast for Mark and I, a casserole and banana bread, both of which should finish soon after he got back. I also found a recipe for doggie treats and made a batch for Chica. They were quick, taking only ten minutes to bake. I puttered around the kitchen, cleaning everything up when I was done, cooking the doggie treats on cooling racks, putting the ingredients away, and generally straightening things away. I even made a shopping list for things Mark and I would probably need to buy soon for groceries, based on what I saw in his cupboards and fridge. I smiled to myself, feeling productive. Now, if only I hadn't forgotten to get the password to Mark's computer from him, so I could call Jack. I sighed as I sat down and made myself some tea. I shook my head. I knew I would just have to wait. Fortunately, Mark and Chica came back not long after I finished up, both of them bouncing into the kitchen, noses in the air, following the smells of food. I laughed at the similar expressions they both wore. "Hello again my lovelies. Did you two have a good run?"

Mark chuckled at me, nodding. "Yup. We both couldn't stay away for long though. We decided to come back early and see what you were up to. It smells amazing in here. What did you make?"

I smiled. "Chica gets some homemade puppy treats." I showed him and gave her one of the treats. Mark smiled as he watched her devour the treat from my hand, crunching away happily, then lick the crumbs away, clearly hoping for more. I petted her head. "They are mostly made from carrots, banana, and vegetables, and it's a dog friendly recipe I found on my phone, so I thought I'd see how she likes them. They seem to be a hit. They are supposed to keep for a few months, sealed in an airtight container, but I don't think they are going to last that long." I looked down at her. She was looking back up at us, a soulful, almost pleading look in her eyes. I sighed, but smiled softly, holding firm against the look.

Mark broke first. "Okay bub. ONE more. Then breakfast. Here you go girl." He feed the treat to her this time, watching as she licked the crumbs off his fingers. I smiled at him and leaned over, giving him a kiss. Mark blinked in surprise. "What was that for babe?"

I kept smiling. "You're such a softie sometimes. I just couldn't help it. And by the way, I made us some food too, but it's still cooking. We’re having a breakfast casserole and banana bread." Mark grinned at me and nodded, then leaned against me for a second. I closed my eyes, just savoring the quiet moment. Mark sighed a minute later, moving away.

"I need a shower. I'll be back in a few minutes baby."

I nodded, still smiling contently and sipped my tea. Before he could move off however, I grabbed his wrist. "Hey handsome, before you run off again, I need a quick favor. Can you log onto your laptop for me? I still need to call Jack. I forgot my computer is still at your office after yesterday."

Mark nodded, smiling back at me. "Anything for you, dear. I'll do that now, before I forget. You can call him before we eat, then we can eventually head in to my office for the day. How does that sound?" I nodded. Mark kissed me again and booted his computer up and logged in. I logged into Skype as he walked away and was relieved to see Jack was online. I called him up right away. He picked up on the second ring.

"Hey there lass, how are ye doing today?" Jack looked a little fried, his hair going crazy and standing up all over the place.

I smiled at him, trying to reassure him I was doing better than last night. "I'm mostly okay. Sorry about last night. Or this morning for you, I guess. I know that wasn't what you needed to see, first thing this morning." I eased my mental connection to him open a tiny bit, the first I had opened it since I had slammed it closed last night. It hummed back with Jack's worry for me. I relaxed even more, subconsciously. I had been worried, somewhere in the back of my mind, that Jack and Signe were going to be mad at me, or hate me for what had happened. It was an irrational fear, I knew, but a fear, none the less. 

Jack shook his head. "Lass, I was just worried about ye. I know ye needed time ta handle things, and ye were exhausted. Did ye manage ta get some sleep?" I nodded, smiling still and sipped my tea. Chica came over and rested her head on my knee. I looked down at her for a second and rubbed her head before I looked back up at Jack. He caught the direction of my look and grinned. "Is Chica there, begging for attention?"

I smiled lopsidedly. "Not exactly. She is here, but she's just sitting here with her head on my knee, helping me stay calm. She's been so good about helping me stay calm since I got here Jack, it's just amazing. She seems to just know when I'm having trouble and comes to rescue me. Like last night." I looked down. "I'm not sure what to say about that. I feel like we need to talk about it, but I have no idea how, or what to say to make it better."

Jack chuckled. "Honestly me either. I mean, I wasn't expecting ta see that, that was for sure. Mostly, I was just really surprised, lass. Signe was being a brat about it for a while, even after ye hung up tha call, but she was worried about ye too. I don't think she quite realized how panicked ye were over this." Jack shook his head. "I'm still not sure what got ye that bad, but I could tell it was a bad episode for ye, right away. All tha color went out of yer face and ye started ta shake. Ye turned as white as paper. Ye just got that same look ye had when I had ta call Mark ta get ye back when ye spiraled out just after he left. Tell me tha truth now, how bad was tha attack after we got off tha call?"

I looked down. "Really, really bad. Worse than that one even. One of the worst ones since college, when I was hospitalized." I shivered and hugged my arms around myself. Chica whined softly at me. I smiled down at her, reassuring her I was okay. "Hey, Chica, I'm okay now. Thank you for watching out for me. You're such a good, smart girl. That's why I made you those yummy treats. Your Daddy will be back in just a minute, I'm sure. He just needed a shower after he took you out for your run." Chica whined again softly and moved a paw up next to her head, on my leg. I wasn't sure what she was asking for, or doing, so I just patted her head gently, stroking her soft furry ears calmly with one hand. I heard Jack laugh and looked back through the screen at him and raised an eyebrow. 

"Chica is mothering ye. I can hear her from here. I don't think she believes ye when ye say ye're okay, [Y/N]. I'm not totally sure I do either. Do ye want ta tell me about it, or is it easier ta just put it behind ye and try ta forget what happened?" Jack went from amused back to serious as he talked to me, still in the big brother role he had somehow adopted in my life.

I shook my head at him with a small shiver. "No. I don't dare push this away. It will fester and get worse, not better, if I ignore it. That's why I called you first thing today." I smiled back at him softly again. "You know it had to be bad this morning. I woke up and my accent was strongly Irish." Jack laughed, amused. He knew I had pretty good control unless I was stressed or overwhelmed, or completely surrounded by an accent, any accent. Out here in California, the only accent I would be hearing would be the LA accent, probably, or the accent of Mark's friends. It was unlikely I would run into a lot of other people with strong Irish accents. "Mark was amused. It still startles him sometimes when that happens, but not as much as it did at first, thank god." I shifted in my seat and pulled my knees up, sitting tailor style in the chair now, without displacing Chica.

Jack grinned at me. "Yeah, I can see that being a problem. Actually, tha only time I can see it really getting away from ye that it might be an issue would be..." Jack shuddered and shivered. I laughed, knowing where his brain had taken the thought. Sex. "Please don't share that information with me. I really don't want ta know."

I laughed again. "Jack, I wouldn't. I don't tell you, or my actual brothers about sex stuff. Ick." I made a face. Jack laughed now too. "You really do feel like a brother to me, more and more. Just like a brother who adopted me, rather than a blood relative. I'm fine with that, by the way. I need all the help I can get sometimes." I shook my head, getting serious again, just as Mark walked in and immediately came over and wrapped me up in a tight hug, making me squeak a little.

Jack chuckled. "Morning Mark."

"Hey Jack. How's your day going so far?"

Jack shrugged and lifted one hand, tipping it back and forth, in a so-so gesture. "Eh. Got some recording done. Videos are up and thumbnailed. I might hit social media for a bit later. I need ta exercise and eat. Signe and I might watch some Netflix or something tonight. Nothing too exciting happening here. It's quiet, ye know, tha usual. Got a bit of a cold starting, I think, but nothing too terrible."

I laughed. "Jack, I live next to you. I know what it sounds like. Don't lie to Mark. It's NEVER quiet." Mark and Jack both laughed, appreciated my sense of humor. Mark had me stand up for a minute and stole my seat, then sit down in his lap. I settled back against him, getting comfortable again without being obnoxious for Jack either, or so I hoped. I snuggled a little closer to Mark as he wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me, gently, but firmly, against him, and I rested my head on his shoulder and neck. I smiled after I was all settled again, a moment after Mark was comfortable too. Jack was watching the two of us, a fond smile on his face. "Ye look better, now that Mark's back, lass. Not that ye looked all that upset, when ye first picked up, despite everything. I just worried about ye, probably more than I should have. Ye know that right?"

I nodded, blushing faintly. "Yeah, I do. Or I do now. I was too upset right away to really know that, and too worried to think it through then. And after that, I was more afraid you and Signe would be mad at me for some reason over this. And I kind of slammed the connection shut between us, until I could deal with all this better." I looked down.

Jack made a noise, one I didn't recognize, that made me look up. He had a strange expression on his face and he was blushing faintly now too. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Lass, I don't really understand how yer connection thingy works with us. I've never met anyone who had something like that before. But, um, I wasn't going ta mention anything ta ye..." Jack trailed off. 

I could tell there was something he wasn't saying. I looked at him more closely. I nudged him gently with the connection, just a gentle prod, asking him wordlessly if he was alright. He pulsed back a beat of mild pain, a headache that had been brewing all day. I winced. "Go take some painkillers, Jack. That's a nasty headache, not a cold. Why didn't you want mention it?"

Jack looked at me a little ruefully. "Lass, I think it has ta do with tha connection. Either with how forcefully ye shut it down, or maybe because I can kind of sense ye back through it if I strain, most of tha time, and I was worried, so I was pushing myself ta check on ye. Because ye slammed tha door on us, so ta speak, all I got was a headache."

I blinked and stared at Jack, wide eyed, my jaw dropping open slightly. "Jack..." He looked at me, curious at my tone, when my voice abandoned me. "Jack, not even my real brothers can do that, or Mom. No one has ever been able ta... Ye can get my emotions back from me, through tha connection and actually feel tha connection?"

Jack nodded. "Well, yeah, a bit. Signe can feel it too. She told me about it first. Both of us can feel it, but neither of us knew what it was at first. We just knew it had ta do with ye." Jack looked at me closer. "Lass, are ye okay? Ye're crying." I felt concern pulse towards me from him, feeling a lot like a long-distance hug.

I shook myself mentally, feeling a slightly dazed. "I'm a bit overwhelmed, ta be honest. Almost no one even believes me about this stuff, let alone can feel it. Now tha two of ye can, and I can feel ye sending responses back. It felt like ye just sent me a hug, even though ye are still in Ireland." I sniffled. Mark grabbed a tissue and gently, tenderly, wiped my cheeks and eyes. I smiled at him, a silent thank you to him for that thoughtful gesture, sent without a thought on my part. He kissed me on the tip of my nose, acknowledging the thanks, then just hugged me again, letting me deal with things as I needed to, offering his silent support again. I turned to him suddenly and raised an eyebrow. "Can ye feel it too, Mark? Tha connection, I mean, even when I'm not around." Mark smiled at me and nodded softly, his eyes full of love. I blushed slightly, feeling a bit silly. Of course Mark would feel the connection, if Jack and Signe could.

Mark's arms around me tightened just a fraction for a few seconds. "Hey beautiful, cut that out. I don't want you beating yourself up for it not having occurred to you before. This is all new to you. I can tell, and it's clearly a lot for you to take in, because your accent slipped, deep, back to Irish. Not that I mind, but it does give me a pretty good indicator of your mental state." Mark leaned in close and kissed my ear. "I love you, baby. Just remember that and stay calm, okay?"

I nodded and moved a little closer to Mark, taking a deep breath and calming down a little. "I'm doing my best, Mark. You and Chica are helping me a lot. Actually, I'm not struggling too badly with anxiety or panic right now. This just caught me by surprise. This feels more like shock."

Mark nodded again and rubbed a hand down my back, still not letting me go, watching me closely. I could feel the concern and love rolling from him, wrapping around me like a physical blanket. Chica had her head on my knee again and was still watching me. I gave myself another mental shake and closed my eyes, deciding to try something. I reached down and scratched Chica behind the ears, soothing myself back to a completely calm state, grounding myself in reality. Then I sent a small pulse of calm comfort to both Jack and Mark at the same time, just to see what their reactions would be, without saying a word. The results were surprising to say the least. Mark shifted under me, hugging me tighter and expressing some interest in other ways. I felt his dick suddenly spring to life and under me. I tried not to squirm in place against Mark and looked at him. He shot me a look, half apologetic, half amused. He winked at me and squeezed me in his arms again, wordlessly pulling me closer. I glanced through the camera at Jack, who was sending me back a steady stream of what felt like sunshine, just warm happiness. His expression on the screen was pure happiness as well. I blinked in surprise. He laughed softly. "Lass, ye looked stunned. I don't know what ye did, but whatever it was, whatever ye sent me, I just knew ye were fine now. It was like seeing ye curled up, playing games with Signe, having a girls night, when ye are at yer most calm. Thank ye. It also kind of felt like a mental blanket, wrapping me up and making sure I was okay too. How did ye do that? I'd love ta learn that little trick, ta help ye back, and maybe a few other people as well, like Signe."

I smiled back at him. "I wasn't sure it would work that well, honestly. I just kind of made sure I was calmed and centered again and sent a mental 'pulse' of extra emotion down the connection, concentrating on you and Mark. I wanted to make sure you both knew I really did feel better, that I wasn't lying to you."

Jack nodded. "I trust ye lass. Ye don't lie ta me. Actually, I don't think ye lie ta people in general. Ye are a very honest person. Ye might, on occasion, bend tha truth so people don't get hurt, or ta protect yerself, but even then, I see ye struggle with it and ye usually come clean and tell tha whole truth pretty quickly afterwards."

I looked down and nodded. "Yeah. I hate lying usually. The only exceptions are really the lies I have told my brothers and Mom about dating because of my triggers and past. They thought I needed to be out dating a LOT sooner than I was ready and that it was a bad sign that I wasn't and kept putting pressure on me until I lied to them, helping a friend, who was gay and needed a female friend to show his family because he wasn't out yet. We were each other's 'dates' for a long time, only to each other’s families though, and we knew the real situations, so there was never any misunderstandings or expectations between us. In fact, I'm still close friends with him and his husband, who I met while they were dating, seriously, while I was still Tommy's disguise to his family. I already told Mark all this, but you should probably hear it as well. Tommy might call me up, or come up in conversation at some point. His family knows the truth know, and doesn't blame me, thank god." 

Mark kissed me behind the ear again and murmured in my ear. "Why would they blame you, babe? You were just going along with what he wanted. It's not like you suggested the idea in the first place. And by the way, that little trick felt amazing. I got more than just calm from you, I got very happy vibes, as I think you could tell. Feel free to share some more of those with me, especially when we are alone. Mmm, me likey..." Mark pressed another kiss into the skin of my neck, making me shiver a little against him. I sent him another feeling, a very different one, one that was closer to pure lust and desire, more along the lines of what he was doing to me with his movements and kisses. He whimpered softly and panted. 

I looked back at him. "Mark, they might have blamed me because, for all they knew, I tricked him into something, or lied, and confused him. They had no idea why I would have agreed to go along with something like that, if I knew he was gay in the first place, so they were suspicious." I leaned over and kissed him, very gently, and whispered to him, soft as a breath. "Calm down sweetheart." My eyes twinkled merrily as I sat back and looked at Jack again. Jack was looking at Mark and I suspiciously. I could tell he thought something more was going on, but he really didn't want the details. 

He saw my expression and grinned back at me. "I'm glad ta see ye feeling better lass. I really was worrying about ye today. It's been on my mind a lot. It's probably what gave me tha headache too, honestly."

I shook my head at him. "I doubt it Jack. Um..." I looked down for a few seconds and twisted my fingers, trying to gather my thoughts. "When I first started noticing my connections to other people like this, I got those reaction headaches a lot, especially if I pushed myself to reach out to one of them. I'm sorry I closed you off today. I didn't know you had started feeling the connection too, or I never would have, or at least warned you first. No one should have to be in pain because I was thoughtless and scared." Mark hugged me again, tighter than before.

Jack made a face at me. "Lass, I'm not upset with ye. Actually, having ye know how ta help me through this is going ta be good. I have tha feeling it was a load harder for ye, with no one ta give ye any advice and no one believing ye." I nodded and looked back up, swallowing emotions. Jack smiled. "Yeah, I thought so. Actually, I remember my Granny used ta talk about this kind of thing, a long time ago, when I was little. I think she could do it too. She called it tha 'sensitivity' and said it ran deep in my family and in a load of tha families in Ireland."

I grinned at him. "Well, it's possible I got it that way. I know I have Irish ancestry. I probably should just break down get one of those DNA test things done, just to find out how much, but I've never bothered. I've always kind of known I have a lot of different things, from both sides of my parents’ backgrounds. It's not like I can point to one parent and say well my Dad's family came from Scotland, or Ireland, or Germany, or where ever, for the last two thousand years." I shook my head, my curls bouncing into view suddenly. "Maybe I'll do that while I'm out here in LA, for a video or something and have the results sent back home." I smiled and snuggled into Mark's chest resting a hand over his heart. "Well, Ireland, I mean."

Jack laughed. "I see. Is LA already feeling like home ta ye, or is it just Mark's apartment?"

I looked at Mark, then down at Chica and back up, into Mark's eyes, sending him a wordless surge of happiness. He smiled at me and patted my back, understanding perfectly, and throbbed slightly under me again. I gave him a small kiss then turned back to Jack, resting my head next to my hand, on Mark's chest, curling up a little. "Mark's arms, his presence, Chica's steady comfort. I'm really surprised how much Chica has been helping me adjust to being out here, really. I thought she might give me some trouble, because I'm not used to dogs, and sometimes they trip my anxiety if they are really excitable or crowd me, but she has been perfect. She just seems so in tune with knowing what I need, when I need it, and she seems to love me as much as Mark does. I'm really glad."

Mark's eyes were soft as he watched me talk about Chica and he was smiling brightly. Jack chuckled. "Ye two are adorable like that, ye know. And [Y/N], I'm glad Chica's helping ye that much. She's a good dog." There was a knock on the other end of the call, on Jack's door, and Signe popped her head around the door frame. I smiled at her and waved. Jack waved her over. "Love, come on over. I'm just talking ta [Y/N] and Mark. She called ta talk about what happened this morning, now that she's calmer and had a chance ta sleep." 

Signe stepped over and looked down. "I'm really sorry about how I reacted to that, [Y/N]. I don't always react, in the moment, to embarrassment appropriately. I was trying to just laugh it off, not make things worse for you. How are you doing now, sweetie?"

I grinned at her. "Better. How are you doing? I did figure that out, once I wasn't panicked and in the moment, by the way, Signe. I was spinning out so bad, I couldn't keep it together enough to figure things out then. That's why I got mad at you. I'm over it now, mostly."

Signe looked at me. "So no hot sauce cookies?"

I chuckled. "I didn't say THAT. But, no, probably not. Besides, that would be predictable. I'm anything but predictable, as many people will tell you."

Jack laughed and gave Signe a kiss as she sighed in relief. I could see the tension run out of her and sent a small pulse of comfort, like a squeeze of a hand to her, through our connection, to see if she could feel it. She yipped. Jack laughed, guessing what caused it. "What did ye do now, lass?"

I shook my head. Signe looked at me, in awe. "How did you do that? It felt like you just squeezed my shoulder. But you're all the way in California..."

Jack grinned at me and winked. "I see. Let me see if I can send ye something then." Jack closed his eyes. I could tell he was focusing on our bond, and I heard his laugh in my head. 

I raised an eyebrow at him. "You sent me laughter, I think? That's what I got anyway. That's actually really good, Jack, but you better go take some pain killers and eat some dinner. You're going to need both. Until you get used to this, you're going to be more hungry, tired, and you already had a headache. You should go get some rest now. We'll both talk to you soon Jack."

Jack beamed at me, but I could see the pain and exhaustion behind it. I looked at Signe. She blinked at me, surprised. I sent her a silent mental message, telling her to take care of him this evening, and not to let him overdo things. She blinked at me again, then nodded, slowly. Mark looked down at me, now, more closely. "Baby, come on. I think our food is probably almost ready. Let Jack and Signe get some dinner and have a quiet evening, okay? I want to snuggle you and get some breakfast, before we do anything else. Bye Signe, bye Jack."

I nodded and waved at our friends. "Bye guys. Talk to both of you soon. You know how to reach us if you need to." I grinned, lopsidedly. "Apparently, with or without phones or the internet. Reach out if you need me."

Jack and Signe both smiled and waved back, chorusing their own goodbyes. Jack was quiet as he disconnected, but he looked happy, and I could feel the waves of tired energy and pride coming off him, unbidden. I was amused and tightened down the connection to just a whisper, so he wouldn't be getting so much from me, and I wouldn't get as much from him either, then turned to Mark again. He was smiling at me again. Mark raised an eyebrow at me now. "What was all that about baby? That last part I mean. I got the distinct feeling something more was going on, unsaid, that I missed."

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, a little bit more was. Jack has no idea how much he's really sending me right now, accidentally. I had to send Signe a mental message to let her know how drained he really is, telling her to take care of him, to make sure he eats enough dinner and gets to bed soon. I think he's about to fall asleep, whether or not he had plans otherwise or not. Signe was just surprised because she didn't know I could do that and kind of told me so, along our connection, with her emotions. And then I had to try to tighten down my connection with Jack, so I'm not getting so much of his feelings and emotions right now, and he's not getting so much of mine. It's going to give both of us headaches otherwise, until he gets a little more control."

Mark shook his head at me. "I had no idea that any of this was even possible until now, baby. How the hell are you doing this?"

I blushed and smiled softly. "Um, as best I can figure out and explain it, it has something to do with, well, magical potential. Some people have it and some people don't. The more you have, or the more your family has had, in the past, the more likely you are to be able to use it. My great grandmother, who I called Gran, was the one who told me the very basics, but she told me I'm way better at it than she was, and she died when I was eight. I've run into a lot more people with the potential for it in Ireland then I ever did here in the US. I can kind of see it, as a very colored aura around people, if I concentrate hard enough. People who have the potential to do this kind of thing have a very faint glow of some kind. It varies from person to person what it looks like, but there's always something. Most people don't have any auras though. And the more potential you have the brighter the aura is."

Mark smiled and kissed me, pulling me into his lap. "Mmm. So what's my aura look like? Or Jack's? Signe's? Does Felix have one? I want to know about all our friends now."

I chuckled and closed my eyes thinking. "Hmm. Jack's is a bright golden gleam. I noticed it right away. It sparkled too much for me not to see it first thing. I even noticed it in a few of his videos, which is pretty rare, because usually an aura doesn't translate over cameras. Signe's is a soft, pale buttery gold, with sparkles of silver that shine through occasionally. She doesn't really have a lot of power behind hers and I don't think she's going to use it either, so it's okay. As for you baby, yours is a bright silver glow, kind of like moonlight. It's steady and strong, but not sharp. I'd say, with a bit of time and practice, you'd easily be able to learn to contact me, no matter where in the world I am, without a phone, and know what I'm doing." I smiled, opened my eyes, and reached my hand up and stroked Mark's cheek. "I love you, Mark, so much. I'm so glad you aren't freaked out by all this."

Mark gently shook his head, then grabbed my hand and kissed my palm. "Baby, I love you, all of you, including the parts of you that are harder to understand or different. Besides, this just gives us a deeper way to connect with each other, one that no one in the world can rip away from us or stop us from using. And you're helping Jack understand a new part of himself too, which, since he's one of my best friends, I fully support. You said I have this gift, or whatever too. Now, seriously, who else among our friends has these auras?"

I sighed. "I don't know Mark. I haven't checked. Like I said, I usually have to concentrate on somebody pretty hard to see it, if they have it at all. I don't usually bother to check, and I almost never bother to check videos because I've only ever seen three people whose aura's translated over the camera correctly, because of how strong they were. Oh, and I guess mine does too, from what I've seen of my own editing. I didn't even know what my aura looked like until I saw my videos, but I've seen my aura in the videos several times." 

Mark looked at me and squinted. "What does it look like? Should I see it too, since I can do this connection thingy too? How does this work?"

I grinned and shook my head. "It doesn't necessarily work that way. Some people who can see auras can also sense emotions and thoughts, but others can't. Some people who can sense thoughts or emotions can see auras. They are separate gifts. That's all. You just kind of look at the outline of the person, with your eyes unfocused, to see if they glow a certain color or pulse with an extra light. That's the best way I can describe it." I leaned into him and closed my eyes, focusing on sending him a mental picture, the feeling of how I accessed it. I opened my eyes after a second and looked at him.

Mark's eyes were focused like lasers, but turned internally, seeing something inside himself, or so I thought, as he tried to interpret what I sent him. After a few seconds more he looked up, his expression clearing, nodded, smiled at me, and kissed me again. "I think I got it. I want to try it, on you, if you don't mind baby."

I giggled. "Why would I mind, sweetheart? It's not like you could hurt me by doing it. I doubt I'd even know you were trying, unless I feel something through our connection, or your expression gives it away. Try away." 

Mark grinned at me again. and booped the end of my nose with a finger. "God, you're just so adorable." Mark stared into my face for a few seconds with a slightly dreamy expression on his face, then his smile stretched hugely wider. "I did it! I got it! WOW! Jeez, babe. You were saying Jack had a flashy bright aura. You should see your own. You look like a small sun. You don't so much sparkle as radiate a bright, warm shine. But it's really bright."

I blushed. "Um, yeah. I noticed myself on camera, that's what I said, Mark. Did you see a color for me? Not everyone sees colors, especially at first. If you can see the color, it's going to help you with my mental state, when I get too panicked to talk, anxiety swamps me, I'm feeling sick, or I'm scared. You'll be able to see the difference between them, and help me sort through the emotions better, sweetheart."

Mark smiled and nodded. "Yeah baby. You were surrounded by the prettiest, most vivid, pink light. What does pink mean?"

I blushed brighter. "Um... Exactly what you think it does, Mark. Love. I was thinking about you." I leaned forward and kissed him softly, tenderly on the lips, drawing out a smile. Mark wrapped his arms around me. I sighed and melted into him, cuddling closer. "Mmm. You feel so nice, I never want to move. I love you so much. It's no wonder my aura is pink." I grinned at him and winked. "You're a bit pink tinged yourself, Mr. Iplier. But that's your secondary aura. Everyone has a primary aura that doesn't change color, that's the really bright one, the blinding one for me." I sighed, resting my head on Mark's shoulder again. "Mine is usually silver, like yours is. I wish I knew why mine was this strong. Or why I had these weird abilities in the first place."

Mark stroked a hand down my back, soothing me. "Hey, they aren't that weird, my dear. You just heard Jack, Signe, and I all admit we have them too. I bet more people have them, who don't know how to use them, or don't know about them, are out there in the world, just waiting with untapped potential. I'm not saying you should make an announcement or a video about this, but I'm just saying you aren't weird." Mark kissed me again. "You are special however. So special you make me forget the rest of the world. Now, stand up for a minute, sweetheart. I need to check on our food."

I nodded. Mark walked over to the oven and pulled the door open. I went with him and asked him to take the casserole out while I checked the doneness of the loaf of banana bread. It was still just a little raw in the center, so I pushed it back into the oven and turned the heat off, letting it finish baking in the residual heat without fear of it burning or overcooking that way while we did other things. Mark smiled as he set the casserole on the counter to cool and got down some plates for us. I moved over to the stove and poured myself some more water, making another cup of tea, and asked Mark what he wanted to drink this morning. He smiled as he watched me move around his kitchen, clearly at home, and opted for some juice and tea with me, so I made him a cup, then poured both of us some juice and put the glasses on the table while our tea steeped. I busied myself, washing some strawberries, then slicing them into a bowl for us, to eat with the casserole, and making some whole wheat toast. Mark worked on dipping the casserole for us, as soon as it was cool enough after he got Chica her breakfast and filled her water bowl again. I set the bowl of strawberries on the table just as Mark came back with our plates, and both of us turned back to the counter, Mark grabbing forks, knives, and spoons for us, and me coming back with the butter dish and our tea. I fished out our tea bags and threw them away before I sat down, then poured myself some milk in mine, to my preferred proportion, adding just a little sweetening as well, since I was drinking a particularly strong black tea blend this morning. Then I sat down. Mark came over and sat down next to me, scooting his chair as close as he could get it, practically pulling me into his lap. I smiled at him. "Mark, I'll sit with you after we eat, I swear. I think both of us might be more comfortable in our own seats for this meal."

Mark made an exaggerated pout. "I doubt it. I'm always more comfortable when you are in my arms, baby. Besides, you are extremely cuddly. But I guess we can just sit next to each other, if we have to, for this ONE meal. Even though it's going to be practically torture."

I chuckled and kissed his cheek. "No, Markimoo. It won't be torture. I know how to torture you, babe. Trust me." I winked at him. "I could do all sorts of devious things to you, all without anyone ever knowing, because of our mental connection. For example, I could get you very, very excited and just leave you hanging. Or I could wait until you were live streaming and then start sending you some overly happy feelings."

Mark blushed brilliantly. "Baby, please don't. God, that would be horrible. You know how, um, vocal, I get. I don’t think I could keep it together if you did that to me. I'd lose my mind, right in front of everybody."

I kissed Mark again, softly, a evil grin on my face and nodded. "Mhm. Or imagine if I did something like that while you were on the phone with one of your Moms. Or your brother. I could even look like I was asleep, or not even here, which would be even more embarrassing for you."

Mark went pale. "Baby..." He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer, and kissed my neck, where the shoulder and neck met, my weak spot. I melted into him, humming out a contented sound as my eyes closed. "Please, please don't torture me. I'll be a good boy. I'm sorry for whining at you. You just looked so good I couldn't help myself. Sometimes you make me do things I don't mean to, because I can't help myself."

I smiled as I opened my eyes, meeting Mark's chocolate brown ones again. "You know I wouldn't, couldn't do anything to intentionally hurt you, Mark. Right? I'm just teasing you." I stroked Mark's beard lightly as he nuzzled his nose against my neck again, kissing that spot again, sucking lightly now too, making me feel very, very good. I practically purred, making sure the connection to Jack was closed, so he didn't accidentally pick up any stray vibes he didn't need from me right now, being very gentle, and sent Mark a blast of all the good feelings he was giving me, of lust, and a surge of love. Mark's eyes blew wide and he made a whining noise, high in the back of his throat as he suddenly groaned and picked me up in his arms. I could feel his whole body trembling slightly. "Mark, take me to the couch, babe. Breakfast can wait a few minutes. I can't. Oh god, you're killing me, I swear, with what you've been doing to me. It feels so good." Mark kept his mouth on my neck, softly sucking, mouthing gently at those same few spots around my collarbones, driving me absolutely wild in his arms as he carried me the short distance to the couch. His hands had been wandering, one exploring my breasts, the other my ass, as he carried me, as best they could and still holding me, and I was starting to lose my mind, I could have sworn, from all the stimulation and good feelings taking over. When Mark got over to the couch, he gently tossed me onto the cushions, and started stripping, not really being careful about his clothes, just getting them off his body as fast as he could. I stated peeling my own off me as fast as I could get them off as well. 

Mark looked down at me, just as my bra cleared my fingertips, drawing a moan from his lips. "Baby, you are going to kill me, right here and now, I swear to god. You know that right? I feel like you replaced all the air in the room with liquid fire and all my blood with lava. I'm burning up and you're the only cure, but you just keep making me hotter and hotter and I can't get enough of you. I'm so addicted to you, to the way to look at me, the taste of you, the feel of you in my arms, the way you touch me, the way you smell, and oh god..." Mark panted and his voice deepened as he momentarily lost track of what he was saying while he bent down and laid down on top of me, covering me with his body, his hands immediately roaming all over me. I moaned and returned the favor, my mouth finding his as I kissed him passionately. We were both panting heavily when we separated a minute later and he just smiled down at me, holding my hands gently, but firmly over my head for the moment as he stared into my eyes, searching for something. "You are all I have ever, ever dreamed of in a woman and so much more, sweetheart. I hope to hell you know that. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you in words exactly how much I love you, which is why I'm so damn thankful for this connection we have. I know you can actually feel how deep my feelings go."

I swallowed and nodded, understanding why Mark was stopping the proceeding to tell me this now, but getting impatient for him to continue all the same. I looked at him, sending him back all the love and understanding I could, but also a little bit of impatience. He chuckled and kissed my nose. Going still on top of me, just grinning at me for the moment. I growled in frustration. "Maaaark. Baby, I know how much this means to you, but can we wait to have this deep and meaningful conversation until after both of us are less worked up, please?" Mark shook his head, gently grinding on me, just to tease me. I made a displeased rumble, deep in my throat. "Mark, you're pulling the tiger's tail, bucko."

Mark grinned at me and nipped at my lower lip, grinding on me a little more, his dick teasing my clit now. I gasped as he hit a particularly good spot, then moaned again when he shifted away immediately. "What are you going to do about it, baby? I've got you pinned in place, underneath me. You can barely move right now. You're at my mercy. I'm going to make you beg, I think, then take you apart so thoroughly you will barely be able to walk for an hour or so."

I raised an eyebrow at him and growled again. "I'm warning you one more time, mister. Stop teasing me, laddybuck. You'll unleash the beast..." Mark just shook his head and grinned bigger, actually having the nerve to stick out his tongue at me, which he then used to lick my neck where he had been sucking the hickeys earlier. It was too much for me. I moaned again and pounced, using my forgotten (by him) superior strength to turn the table and flip us around, so he was now the one laying under me with his hands trapped above his head, captured by just one of mine. I grinned a toothy smile at him and moved, shifting my body weight so I was sitting on his chest now, pinning him securely in place, and grabbed my discarded bra, using it to tie his hands to the coffee table behind his head. I made sure to lean forward enough to tempt him with my breasts, just out of reach, but definitely not out of sight, the entire time too, and had one of my feet curled up playing with his very at attention cock. Mark moaned and struggled against me, sending me embarrassment, arousal, amusement, and curiosity through our connection. I shimmied down his body again, going tortuously slow, stopping to kiss him deeply and play with his chest a little on the way, earning whimpers, drooling looks, and some growling of my own. Finally, I was lined back up with him, his member in my hands, hard, hot and ready. He throbbed as I lined us both up and slid him onto him, settling him deep inside me in one smooth maneuver. When I bottomed out, both of us groaned, our connections with each other blown wide open, sending feedback and shockwaves back and forth between us, making both of our nerves sing. I felt like my entire body was one giant electrical current that Mark was controlling. Neither of us had any awareness of our own bodies any longer, from what I could tell through the link, the force of the feedback loop shorting everything out and making both of us move in tandem towards our orgasms together. I shifted a fraction on top of Mark, changing the angle just a hair's breath, and it was enough to make both of us lose our minds completely coming so hard and fast we both passed out briefly as the world just faded to black. 

I recovered first, opening my eyes and smiling softly down at Mark. He still looked dazed. I reached up and gently untied my bra from his wrists, wincing slightly when I moved off Mark as I realized we had, yet again, forgotten any birth control. I sighed. I knew I needed to find a good gynecologist out here in LA, preferably one close by, a woman, who wouldn't trigger my anxiety and would help us take care of this birth control issue. We were clearly not going to be on top of things enough to rely on condoms as a safe method to prevent pregnancy for long. I smiled at the meandering track my thoughts were taking as I stood up, and used my discarded shirt to clean up the worst of the mess, tossing it in the laundry to deal with later. I showered myself off, stepping under the water for only about two minutes, just to wash of the last of the sweat and mess, then grabbed a towel and some fresh clothes and tossed them on. When I was done, I grabbed a washcloth, ran some warm water on it and added a little mild soap, and headed back in to Mark, gently cleaning him up now too, as best I could while he was still out of it. He started showing signs of stirring about the time I finished up, then pulled me down into his arms and kissed me just as I started to step away to go put the washcloth back in the bathroom. I smiled and kissed him back, tucking myself into his body for a fast snuggle. He hummed out a happy noise. "Whoa. Remind me to make sure I don't do that too often baby. I always forget how strong you are, physically, until you pounce like that, and pin me down. Jeez. I think you might have left a few interesting bruises."

I raised an eyebrow at him, blushing slightly. "Mmm? I think you may have too, Mark. Besides all the hickeys littering my collarbones and neck, which I'm going to let you explain to Tyler, Ethan, and Katherine today, by the way. And Jack, if he calls. Oh, that reminds me." I closed my eyes for a few seconds and gently reopened the connection to Jack, just a fraction. All I got from him right now was a slight buzz, the feeling I had come to associate with sleep. I smiled softly to myself and chuckled. "Jackaboy's asleep right now."

Mark raised an eyebrow at me, then went a little pale. "Shit. He didn't... I mean, you made sure he wouldn't feel what we were doing, right?"

I laughed. "Yes, baby. I did. I told you. Jack's like my brother. I don't really want my brother's knowing my sex life. Any of my brothers, real or adopted into my life." I hugged Mark. "I closed the connection with Jack before we started, very gently, but left it in a way that if he or Signe tried to contact me, I'd feel it as a mental knock, and could respond in a little while. They would get what would feel like a busy signal on a phone line, telling them, emotionally that I couldn't talk right now, unless it was an absolute emergency, in which case what to do."

Mark smiled back at me. "Smart. And thank you for making sure not to let any of that leak over to Jack. I'm not sure either of us could ever face each other again if he knew what you and I just shared. You just made me feel a whole new level of wow about sex, gorgeous."

I nodded, closing my eyes again. "It's the connection. We both opened it up and used it, right? It just took over and guided everything to a new level of..." I gestured with my hands, at a loss of words. Mark leaned in and kissed me, stopping my hands with his. I blinked at him.

"Baby, I understand what you mean. I was here too. I felt it. It was amazing. I just didn't know that could happen, did you?" I shook my head, feeling a little overwhelmed. Mark leaned in and nuzzled my neck, humming against my skin with a happy noise. "It just blew my mind, babe. Good god woman, you do things, things I had no idea were even possible, and make me feel things I never knew I could, all the time. Now we have this connection too? I think it's going to make my brain melt or my heart explode or something. It was perfect." Mark kissed my neck, where he was nuzzled in, repeatedly. "Mmm, you're perfect."

I blushed. "No, Mark. I'm really not. Maybe I'm close to prefect for you, but I'm far from perfect. I have a lot of issues, insecurities, and hang ups. You've already helped me deal with some of them, some of them without ever knowing about the problems. I'm glad you think I'm good enough for you though." I wrapped my arms around Mark and hugged hum, straddling him as I sat down in his lap properly instead of just leaning over the couch against him. "Now, Markimoo, my big, strong, handsome, lover we should go eat our breakfasts before the food gets any colder. I bet Chica has already finished her breakfast." I stood back up, making Mark whine slightly at the loss of contact. I smiled at him and tugged on his hand. "Come on, sweetie. You need to keep your strength up while I'm here. I don't want you collapsing in a heap and fans, or your family, for that matter, coming after me for exhausting you too much and forgetting to keep you fed and watered." I winked and walked into the kitchen.

Mark laughed as he followed me, catching up to me quickly and scooping me up in his arms, laughing. "I'd set them straight, once I recovered. If I collapsed that is. Something tells me, if I collapsed, you wouldn't be in much better shape."

I grinned at him and booped him on the nose with a finger. "Oh, you never know. I have hidden depths. I might be MUCH better off. Besides, I have more reserves to sustain me than you do, Mr. Iplier. Just look at how much curvier I am."

Mark grinned at me and gave me a very lascivious once over. "Oh, I am."

I snorted. "Smooth, Mark. And so subtle. My god." I giggled and kissed him. "Put me down, you goof. We should both eat. We have things to do today, and a few things we probably should talk about a bit, together." 

Mark immediately looked into my face, searching for clues about what I was talking about. I sighed, but before I could say anything, Mark kissed me and spoke up. "Baby, whatever it is, I'm sure we can handle it, together. Just tell me. Don't bottle things up and try to deal with them on your own, please, or shut me out."

I smiled softly and shook my head, making my curls bounce into both our faces for a few seconds. "Sweetheart, it's nothing all that bad, I swear. We just need to have a little chat. Both of us seem a little, um, over-enthusiastic, shall I say, about sex." Mark blushed brightly before I could finish my thought, making me grin at him and wink. "Hey, I'm just as bad as you are, sweetie, don't be embarrassed. I just noticed this morning, we forgot, again, to use birth control. We've been really lax about it and I know neither one of us is ready to face the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy right now." Mark shook his head, vehemently. I smiled again and stroked his cheek. "Alrighty then, we need to find me a good gynecologist, here in LA, preferably a woman, who won't trigger my anxiety, who can give me a pap smear and exam, a clean bill of health, and get me on some birth control. Preferably something we won't have to remember every day, or in the heat of the moment, because clearly that's a problem for us."

Mark grinned at me and set me down in my chair at his table and kissed me again. "Jesus, baby. I never, in my wildest dream, thought I would be having this conversation with anyone, let alone someone as drop dead gorgeous as you, over breakfast, just after you flew halfway around the world to be with me. Yes, we should look into finding a doctor to help you out with birth control and get you checked out, if it's time. Whatever you need to do, I'll help you with, as much as I can. I have no idea how to find a, um, lady doctor though. Kathryn might be able to help, but she just moved out here too. Maybe we could call up Amanda Faye?"

I smiled and kissed Mark gently on the nose. "Relax Mark. You don't actually have to do anything to help me look for the doctor. I just need you to come with me, to help me manage my anxiety at the actual appointment and be there to hold my hand when I need you. Especially because I'm going to have to tell the doctor about the r-" I stuttered and stopped. Mark nodded and squeezed my hand, understanding. I shook my head. "I need to be able to say the damn word. R-rape. Fuck it. My last doctor told me there was some internal scarring down there, and I haven't been in a while." I looked down.

Mark squeezed my hand again. "Babe, I'm here for you now. Your health is important, but we'll take this at whatever speed you need to, to keep you safe and happy. I wish there was something more I could do, to make this easier for you. I'm pretty sure this is going to trigger the hell out of you, based on what you've been telling me."

I nodded and looked down at my breakfast, my appetite gone as my anxiety flared back into life in my belly, making my guts churn. Mark sat down next to me and hugged me close, scooting his chair over again. I leaned into him and just let his warmth soak into me, not saying much at the moment, curling up against his chest, my head on his shoulder. Mark wrapped one arm around my back as he held me and just watched me as he ate, worry clear in his eyes. I picked at my food, eating a little, but not really getting much down, knowing I'd just throw it right back up if I forced much down right now. I silently wished Jack were awake and around, so he could help me right now too. I felt like I needed all the love and support I could get this morning, when I had to face my past this much. That when I felt a little pull from Signe. She was worried about me and getting enough bleed through to know something was wrong and wanted me to call her. I looked up at Mark with a crooked, half smile. "Um, Mark? Signe wants us to call her."

Mark blinked. "Now? What's up? I thought you said they were asleep already."

I shook my head. "Jack's out like a light. Signe's still up. I think she was worried about me and trying to contact me, especially after Jack went to sleep so fast like that and all she's getting from me is anxiety, so she's kind of tugging on my mind like she wants me to call her."

Mark grinned. "We can do that. Give me just a few more minutes to finish eating, sweetheart. Are you going to be able to eat any more than that?" I shook my head, looking at my plate. Mark looked a little sad, but nodded and kissed my forehead. "Okay, we can try to get something in your stomach later. You really need to eat something more soon, baby. You've barely eaten in days, and I'm really starting to worry."

I rested my head against Mark's shoulder and chest again and put my hand over his heart with a small smile. "I know you worry, lover. I'm doing my best right now. I just know if I eat anything else with how bad my anxiety is, I'll throw everything I've eaten up. It's better to eat a little and keep it down than push the issue and puke." 

Mark made a face. "Eww. Thanks for spelling that out so clearly for me. I guess you're right, I just didn't think of it that way. I just hate seeing you so sick or unhappy looking."

I chuckled. "I'm okay. You're here, keeping me safe. You keep my anxiety and panic from running away with me, most of the time, and from spinning out too badly even when they do. The ONE bad attack I've had, since I've been here, you pulled me out off in under five minutes. The last time I had an attack that bad, the doctors how pulled me out of it said it took them over two hours. I don't really know. I lose all track of time while I'm locked in my brain like that, trapped in a torture cell of memories, basically." I shivered. "It's a form of PTSD, from what some of the doctors said, at the time, just with long episodes. I've gotten a lot better than I was at first. For the first few months after..." I trailed off, then started up again determined. "After I was r-raped, I had episodes like you saw the other night about twice a week, and some of them lasted as long as six and half hours at a time. They gradually got shorter, as I got better able to handle things and the trauma faded, but I still would occasionally find myself tripping up over odd things and triggering a lot of general anxiety in my daily life. My family was getting frantic by that point to see me start to recover, or at least making the major steps they thought I should be, like resuming a dating life and moving on with things. I guess they didn't understand how shy I had been, even before that, and how I hadn't really dated anyone then either."

Mark stroked a hand down my back. "Baby, I'm so sorry your family didn't understand. I know they weren't trying to hurt you."

I looked up into his eyes and smiled again. "I know that too, Mark. They just really wanted to see me out of pain and couldn't understand what was going on. It was too far out of their life experience, and honestly, I was grateful, even at the time, for that. I never, ever want anyone I care about to be able to understand how terrifying or traumatic something like what I experienced was. I don't really want anyone else, ever to go through it, but I'm enough of a realist to know it's going to happen. so all I can do is hope and pray it doesn't happen to people I care about."

Mark kissed me gently. "Baby..." I smiled at him as he drew back a little and stroked a hand along my cheek. "You're so kind and sweet. You wish so much good on the world and would take so much bad onto yourself to protect other people... Please don't forget how special and loved you are."

I blinked and nodded. "Mark, you're the same way. You'd take everyone else's pain and harm if you could, I know you would. It's part of why I love you so much. We fit together so well because we feel the same way about what's really important in life; helping other people. And both of us have seen a lot of pain and been through enough heartbreak to understand other people's pain, even if our pain hasn't been the same, or the same as theirs. We've both proven we're strong, god knows, in more ways than one. Now, I think we better call Signe. Her pull is getting pretty insistent."

Mark nodded as he stood up and cleared the table, leaving me sitting where I was for the moment. I sighed and sipped my tea. That's when I remembered the banana bread. I stepped over to the oven and opened the door. The smell of the fresh baked loaf filled the kitchen as I pulled the now fairly-cooled loaf out and set it on the counter for later. Mark came over and grinned, immediately slicing himself a piece and pulling it out to eat. I grinned at him as he made nomming noises and laughing at him a little when he took an overly large mouthful, a blissful look on his face. He crossed his eyes at me, puffing out his cheeks, and rinsed his fingers just long enough to grab his laptop and log back in so we could go back to Skype then he grabbed a small plate, sliced several more pieces of banana bread, and sat down in the chair with me, pulling me up just long enough to sit down and settle me in his lap. I giggled and settled in quickly, floofing his hair as I got comfortable again and clicked on Signe's contact info. She picked up on the first ring. "Hey [Y/N]. Hey Mark. Thanks for calling me again. Sorry to bug you. I could just tell something was making you pretty anxious and I wanted to check on you to see what was going on."

I smiled crookedly. "It's fine Signe. I've been missing you anyway. You know we talk all the time at home. Well, back in Ireland."

Signe grinned at me. "I see. Mark? Or LA?"

I grinned back. "Mark. LA can't EVER be home. No city really can be. Not after..." I shook my head to clear it. "Anyway, yeah, my anxiety was flaring up because of something Mark and I were talking about. I, um need to find a decent gynecologist out here in LA. I never bothered, since I moved from the DC area to Ireland, and we haven't been all that good about staying on top of using condoms. I know I could keep going to get the birth control shot from my regular doctor, but she gave me this big lecture last time about needing a pap smear and making sure I remembered to get things checked out before my next shot was due. I really don't want to have to face the hassle of going back to her and dealing with that again, especially since she's right. And I actually do have more reason than most for needing to go get checked out anyway. I was told, after everything happened before, I have some internal damage from the things they did to me." I bit my lip. "That's part of what had my anxiety acting up, talking about that."

Signe's eyes got bigger as she realized what I meant. "Oh, sweetie. It's important you do get checked out then. Hmm. Hey, have you thought to see if Suzy has any recommendations for doctors in the area?"

I looked at her blankly for a minute. "Suzy?"

She grinned at me. "Suzy. Arin's wife."

Mark smacked his forehead. "I didn't even think of her. You're a genius, Signe. We'll call her and see if Suze goes to a woman or a man. [Y/N] said she needs to see a woman, so she won't be as anxious."

I shook my head. "Not necessarily. If Suzy has a strong recommendation, and she goes to a man, that might carry more weight than seeing a random woman doctor, Mark. I'll see what she says. I don't know why I didn't think of her either." 

Signe just smiled at us. "Hey, you've got plenty of other thinks on your mind right now. It's no big deal. I'm just happy I could help in some small way. Now, seriously, how are you doing? I barely talked to you after what happened this morning. All I've gotten from you, through this shared connection we have is some very interesting impressions of Mark and a lot of anxiety, mostly."

I blushed to the roots of my hair. "Shit."

Mark looked at me and raised an eyebrow, blushing. "Um, baby? I thought you said you closed the connection, so other people wouldn't feel that."

Signe laughed. "Don't worry Mark, I won't tell Jack. I didn't get that much anyway. All I can say is wow. You two are a lot more intense and interesting than I had any idea."

Mark and I both blushed harder. I looked up at Mark, meeting his eyes, worried he'd be mad at me. He just looked worried I'd be panicked. I chuckled softly at him and kissed him gently, and sent him a soft wave of warmth, letting him know I was embarrassed, but okay. He grinned back at me. Signe laughed again, watching us. I looked at her. "Oh, like I haven't heard things, and seen them, from you and Jack? Good God, Signe! We practically live in each other's pockets most of the time. I didn't mean to have you 'overhear' us. Jesus."

She snickered. "I know, sweetie. And I really didn't get much, that's why I'm amused. You are way too tight lipped about your sex life. I want all the details and you won't share." She pouted. Mark laughed behind me, sounding relieved. I chuckled again. 

"Signe, you may very well be my best friend, but you are Jack's girlfriend." She raised an eyebrow, looking confused. I sighed. "Sweetie, he's like my brother. I wouldn't tell my brothers significant others about my sex life either. And quite frankly, I'm just not really comfortable discussing my sex life. I do tell you everything I am comfortable telling anyone, even though you have the relationship you have with Jack. I just trust you not to share things with him." I shook my head again. "Like Mark indicated, I made damn sure he wasn't going to get any of what you felt through the connection just a little while ago, even before I knew he was asleep. By the way, how's he doing? Is his headache really bad? Did he make it through his dinner before he fell asleep, or did you have to drag him to bed, then put his food away for him too?"

Signe looked at me, looking almost spooked. "How did you know about that?"

I shook my head again, ruefully, a smile that was more pain than anything on my own face now. "Sweetie, I know what he's feeling, not just through the connection, but because I had to stumble along when I first had all this shit start happening for me. I was a HELL of a lot younger and more confused, that's all. I didn't have anyone who believed me or supported me around then either, just a lot of people who were making my life harder. I was a teenager and already dealing a with a lot of other things at the time, as I mentioned to all of you. This just kind of spiked the ball, if you will, adding that one more little thing that made me different from everyone else that I couldn't ignore or explain away and no one believed me about. My friends were all amazed, claiming I was full of crap, no matter how many times I demonstrated I could do it with them, because none of them could get anything back from me. That's why I was so shocked when Jack told me earlier you guys are able to feel the connection too." I closed my eyes, my emotions trying to swamp me. How had these people, people I had known less than a year, figured me out this well, connected with me on such a deep and meaningful level, like no one else in my life ever had? I felt Mark's arms, circle my waist again as he pulled me closer and he kissed my shoulder, reeling me back from that precipice and anchoring me into the here and now. I sent him a mental thanks and opened my eyes again. 

Mark kissed my neck as he just held me close. "Baby..." He sighed. "I'm so, so sorry you had to deal with so much hardship at that age. Being a teenager is hard anyway, for a lot of reasons."

I could feel Mark gently pulling at me with his emotions, through the connection, without thinking about it, trying to cheer me up. I reached a hand up and cupped his cheek. "I'm okay sweetheart. I'm tough. It was just a bit rough, added on to all the other things I had to go through at the time. But that's why I knew what to expect for how Jack is feeling right now."

Signe nodded, still wide eyed. "He just barely made it through dinner. His head was pounding. Is there anything I can do to help him with this? Is it like a migraine, where certain things will help make it go away faster?"

I thought for a minute, searching my memories, then grinned. "Actually, yes. Two things always helped me. Chocolate ice cream, held on the roof of my mouth, and for some reason French toast. Unsweetened French toast." Signe raised her eyebrows at me. "Hey, don't look at me like that. I know it's weird. It's just what always worked for me. The chocolate ice cream worked because it was cold and shrunk the blood vessels, had sugar and caffeine and fat. All three of those things seemed to help me recover better after I overused my talent, when I was first starting out. Actually, they still do, but I haven't hit my limits in so long, I kind of don't rely on the remedies anymore and forgot about using them. And as for the French toast, I can only guess that has to do with the legends of the fairies, their penchant for baked goods, and the connection to magic, which is where all this stuff is supposed to stem from in the first place."

Mark and Signe were both looking at me now, slightly amused. Mark chuckled and kissed me. "Baby, you don't have to explain why the things you tell us to try work, if they do, especially if you don't know. That was an interesting lecture though. It sounded like you were going to launch into a very collegiate tone any second and expect us to start taking notes."

I grinned at him. "Who says I wasn't? You better pay attention, Mark. There will be an exam later. And I expect to see detailed diagrams drawn of what I describe, so you best keep up." My eyes twinkled at him. He swallowed.

Signe laughed. "Oh Mark, you're in trouble. It's been nice knowing you."

Mark looked away from me just long enough to blink at Signe. I used that fraction of a second to swoop in and latch onto his earlobe, nibbling and sucking it, distracting him again, making him squirm and get hard in an eye blink. His eyes darted back to me. I released his earlobe just enough to whisper to him now. "You might want to end the call, Mark. Tell Signe good bye." Then I nibbled on his ear again. 

Mark panted for a second and his eyes unfocused. When he regained control, he looked back at the screen and practically moaned out a goodbye to Signe. "Bye Signe. We'll talk to you later."

Signe laughed. "Bye guys. Have fun torturing Mark [Y/N]! Call me soon!"

I released Mark's ear again and lifted my head to say in a remarkably clear voice, "Bye Signe. I'll probably call you again in a couple of days. Maybe we can play some online games soon."

Signe grinned at me. "I'd like that sweetie. Now, go. Mark looks ready to explode, again. Wow, I didn't think you could get him riled up again this fast, after what I felt a little while ago. You go girl! Bye!" With that the call ended. I sighed, closed ALL my mental connections except Mark's which I threw all the way open, and resumed nibbling Mark's ear and neck, making him squirm. Mark sighed and throbbed under me and whimpered as my tongue snaked out and just barely brushed his skin.

"Jesus Christ [Y/N]! I think you're going to make me explode. I can't take much more of this, babe."

I smiled, my lips brushing against his skin in a way I knew he could feel. "Mmm, but maybe that's the idea big boy. You need to lose those pants mister man." Mark blinked at me and nodded dragging both of us up into a more or less standing position long enough to get out of our pants, put on a condom he had in his pocket, earning a smile from me, then he sat back down in the chair and lined me up with his member as he slowly lowered me back down in his arms, my lips still locked on the same spot on his neck. He shivered as I sank slowly down and both of us moaned when I bottomed out. Mark waited only a few seconds to make sure I was settled before he started moving, setting a gentle bucking rhythm. I sped up, forcing him to go faster, change the angle, go deeper and pound me harder to keep up. Both of us were moaning, lost to the sensations, so much so we barely noticed when we fell off the chair onto the floor. We just kept going. We both peaked at the same time again, feeling each other's orgasms hit through the connection, making everything amplify and reverberate back and forth long after the actual climaxes ended. Both of us were laying, boneless and spent, in a graceless heap under the table a few minutes later, just cuddling, when Chica came over, dragging a blanket in her mouth. She very gently laid it on top of us, then proceeded to lay herself down on top of that, pinning us under her. 

Mark laughed. "Chica, baby. We're okay. Thank you for keeping us warm, girl. We'll get up in a minute, if you get off us. Daddy has to go get dressed and go to work." Chica turned her head and looked at us, then turned away without budging. Mark laughed softly again. "Well shit. That didn't work. Ugh, give me a couple of minutes to recover again and I'll think of something else."

I grinned and snuggled closer. "I'm actually okay with this, Mark. I mean, yeah, it's a little strange, but I'm comfy and you're here. I'm happy. Life can wait for five minutes. Then we can get up and move. After all, we can't give Chica treats from down here." Chica's ears flicked towards me at the word 'treats' and she panted, then she tilted her head. After a few seconds she stood up. I smiled and sat up, groaning just a little and petted her. "Such a smart, good girl. Come on, beautiful, let's go get a treat." I stood up and got one of the biscuits I had just made that morning, feeding it to her. 

Mark smiled as he watched me, taking the opportunity to get up, tie up the used condom and toss it in the trash, clean himself up a little and put his pants back on. Then he very quietly made a comment to me. "Baby, that was genius. Now, come here and cuddle me. Um, I need to mention something I just noticed."

I looked at him, worried. He sounded strange. "What's wrong, Mark? Did something happen that upset you?" I sent a pulse of concern to him along our bound.

Mark shook his head. "What? No, no. Come here first please." Mark held his arms out to me, open and inviting. I stepped over and cuddled myself close, ignoring the fact I still hadn't put my own pants back on. Eh, I could do it later. It was LA. It's not like it was cold in here anyway. I smiled. Mark smiled back as he held me close. "Good. I love having you right here. Now, don't panic, please. The condom leaked. I noticed when I went to tie it up." Mark bit his lip, watching my face.

I laughed, making Mark blink in confusion. "Mark, baby, we've barely remembered to use condoms half the time. I'm not really worried if it leaked. Shit, don't scare me, you goober. Remember what we spent a good part of the morning talking about and why? One leaky condom is not going to make me spin out, I swear." I kissed Mark's nose and giggled again. "You're the one who had the problem with that before, if memory serves, not me."

Mark grinned ruefully and blushed. "Okay, that's true, miss sassy butt. Now, you better cover that sexy ass of yours so we can get in to my office and get some work done today. That is, if you're up to it." I nodded. Mark kissed me, sweetly. "Good. I want to film as many collabs with my amazingly hot girlfriend as she'll let me. You go get ready. I'll put the rest of the casserole away and bag up some of these 'T-R-E-A-T-S' for you know who and some of this yummy banana bread for everyone else. You should try to eat a slice or two of that while I drive us in too, or at least while I finish getting ready."

I sighed. "Mark? Um, I've already showered twice this morning, briefly, but I don't want to go in smelling like sex. Should we both shower again?" Mark looked at me, standing there, and swallowed. I grinned as I felt him get hard again. "That's not what I meant sweetie. My god man! You're insatiable. Oh well, at least both of us are getting plenty of exercise. Or maybe we should call it sexercise."

Mark laughed. "Yes, yes, we most certainly are lots of exercise, but please don't let Wade hear you say sexcercise. He doesn'y need any more puns or bad jokes. Okay babe, just wait for me. Um, let me just put the casserole in a container."

I grinned. "No, Mark, you find something to put the banana bread in for the office, and something for the biscuits in your bag. I'll put the casserole away." I reached under Mark's cabinet and calmly pulled out a Tupperware container, exactly the right size and shape for the rest of our leftovers. 

Mark blinked at me. "How the hell did you do that?"

I laughed. "I spent the entire time you were gone crawling around, sorting through your cupboards, making a grocery list and getting familiar with your kitchen. Plus, that happens to be a handy little trick I can do, as a side benefit from my magical potential. If I've seen something in my surroundings, within a few days, I can just reach for it and it's wherever I need it to be, within limits. Only works with inanimate objects, of course, but it's still helpful." I placed a gentle kiss on Mark's surprised face, then put the food away in the container and slid the container in the fridge, then picked up my discarded clothes and walked over the door, watching Mark. "Mark? I'm heading back to the bedroom to go get my stuff gathered for the shower. Come on back when you're ready, sweetheart. I'll get the water warm for us."

Mark made a noise of confirmation as he dug around, looking for whatever he was going to put the banana bread on and the doggie treat in for the day. I sighed and stepped down the hall, Chica following me at my heels. I smiled as she borfed a quiet bark when we got back to the bedroom again and she settled on her pet bed, watching me decide on clothes for the day. I wanted to wear something decent for the camera, since Mark had told me we would be filming again for his channel, and I knew I would be filming for mine, but I still wanted to stick with what I normally would wear. Finally, after much internal debate, I opted for a pair of dark indigo jeans with gold threads woven in a random pattern in the denim, a pair of gold sandals to match, and a black tee shirt with a gold SepticEye Sam, one of Jack's charity relief tee shirts I had purchased to help with hurricane relief efforts after the string of bad storms hit so close together and left so many people in such bad situations, before I was really doing YouTube. {A/N -- Yes, I really have this shirt. It was the limited shirt Jack came out with for the hurricane relief effort last year. There were apparently two varieties and it was random which people got. One has a large SepticEye Sam in the center, and the second as a smaller one over where the breast pocket would be. I have the larger central one. I also have a pair of the pajama pants Mark sold for charity (#pjorts stream). And a StarBomb tee shirt. And several other shirts related to either Jack's or Mark's channels. Don't judge me.} I smiled to myself, thinking how much of a difference Jack and Mark had made in peoples lives, through their charity livestream efforts and campaigns to raise funds to help people. I hoped my first one, whatever I chose to do, would be as successful. I bit my lip. I really should try to set something up and give back, get the ball rolling on charity. My channel had exploded and I had already seen how much of a difference a positive attitude could have on people, just by promoting peace and kindness to other people. What more could I do, if I actually asked people to open their hearts and wallets? Could I actually change the world? 

I sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, feeling a little staggered as the reality of that mental statement hit home. I could change the world. I could change the world, by changing other people's minds and behaviors. I trembled slightly. This was too much. I felt the edges of panic pushing in on me, threatening to overwhelm me. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. No, I was just one person. I could only ask people to be better and try to give them hope. I suddenly felt Mark's arms around me. "Baby? Why are you panicky? I could feel it and came for you as fast as I could."

I opened my eyes and leaned heavily into Mark. "I-" My voice faded out and I tried again. "I was thinking about work stuff..." Mark nodded, encouraging me to go on. I took another breath and my brain started to relax, finally registering Mark was here, his smell, the feel of his arm, breaking through my panic and easing the tightness in my chest, making my lungs work properly again. I no longer felt like I was gasping for air and not getting any. I took a normal breath and sighed, relieved. Mark smiled and kissed my cheek. "Thank you, Mark. Anyway, I was thinking about work stuff, like charity drives and live streams. I was trying to figure out how to set one up and hoping my first one would go well. Then it kind of hit me. How big a difference my fan base could make. What kind of power that would actually be. It's too much."

Mark smiled at me and kissed me, deeply. "Oh my god baby. You think Jack or Felix or I haven't felt like that occasionally? Usually we just try not to think about it, about what those number actually mean, as far as power. You're right. It is too much. And I can see why that would overwhelm you. You aren't someone who ever wanted any power over anyone, particularly. I think you'd probably be happiest if everyone had the same amount of power, just over themselves, right? Everyone equal?

I nodded. "In a perfect world, yeah. I know it's unrealistic. Some people can't or won't take care of themselves. Some people take other people's power away, regardless of their wishes, that's what I'm against. I just want people to be happy, kind to each other, safe, and loved. It doesn't seem like that's such a hard thing to want, or to ask for."

Mark smiled at me as I snuggled into his chest. "It's not." Mark closed his eyes, just holding me close and hugging me. "God, I could stay like this all day, but I know we have to go get showered and get to my office. Come on my dear, let's go."

I nodded and went willingly, taking the clothes I had picked out and setting them on Mark's bathroom counter for after we finished in the shower. Mark set out some clothes of his own, a clean tee shirt, boxers, and a pair of jeans, next to my clothes, then hugged me again startling me before I could move or say anything. I squeaked. "Mark?"

Mark just pressed a quick kiss onto my cheek, sighed and let me go. "Sorry. You looked too sweet, standing there. I couldn't resist an extra hug. And seeing your clothes, laying here with mine, like they belong here kind of gave me an odd thrill. I can't exactly explain it, babe."

I smiled as I shook my head and kissed Mark back and tapped him gently on the forehead. "You don't have too. Just let me in, remember? Practice sending those feelings to me, those ones you can't put into words, so I can get a better feel for what's going on between us. Not that I ever mind extra kisses and hugs, unless I tell you otherwise. There might be a few times, when I'm too triggered too be touched, when I tell you not to hug me, but otherwise, hugs are always welcome." Mark looked sad when I said that. I hugged him closer. "Hey, you, Jack, and Signe are the three people in the world least likely to trigger me, less even then my own brothers or my Mom. And you three are going to know if you do a lot faster and be able to help get back better too. So come on don't be sad, love. Smile. I love you so much. I trust you with everything I've got, especially all my secrets and my heart." I smiled a little brighter. "Just look at my aura again, if you have any doubts. You might need some sunglasses though, if you do. It's pretty bright, and very, very pink."

Mark did smile now and kissed me again. "Thank you, baby. I needed that reminder. I have no idea how you manage to stay so full of sunshine, love, hope most of the time." Mark shook his head. "I get so sad when I think about what you've been through."

I booped the end of his nose with my finger and chuckled. "Hm. I've learned to let things go, as much as I can. That's what a lot of my therapy has been focused on, sweetheart. I can't stay focused on the past. It's not healthy. Besides, the future looks bright for me right now. I have a great new career that's taking off, maybe a little too well, a boyfriend who's the literal man of my dreams, and the freedom to travel as much as I need to, to make everything work. That's pretty freaking awesome, if you ask me."

Mark grinned. "Yeah, that is awesome. But I still can't believe I'm the man of your dreams."

I let go of Mark and sighed, putting my hands on my hips. "Mark... Listen to me for a minute. Really listen, okay? Open the connection too, as wide as you can manage." Mark nodded, sitting down on the edge of the bathtub. I sat down on his lap, thinking carefully how to word this to make him believe, to make him understand what he really meant to me. "Mark, when I have been in my darkest, deepest, worst moments, the times when death seemed like it would have been a mercy because of how much pain I was experiencing, mentally, physically, emotionally, and in my very soul, you were who I saw, in my mind. You were a beacon of hope and light in the back of my brain. I could hear your voice, calling me, telling me to hold on, speaking to me, directly. I always thought it was just a wishful fantasy that my brain was making someone up to fit what I was missing in my life." I looked down, tears in my eyes, then back up. "I can't explain it. I also know when you almost died, in the hospital, I was there, in your mind, with you. Do you remember? You called out to me, reached for me."

Mark nodded slowly. "I always thought it was a fever dream. I mean, you hear people talk about seeing angels before they die... I thought you were an angel, coming to comfort me. I really thought I was going to die." Mark sighed and shivered, then wrapped me up in his arms again. "But I think I know when you are talking about, with your own struggles. It's not as clear as mine, for me, obviously, because for me, it happened in a dream, and I was just comforting a girl, you, I think, and telling them to be strong. Telling her she was stronger than she knew, that she could keep fighting, surviving, that I believed in her. That I hoped one day, I could meet her, to tell her that in person." Mark smiled at me. "Heh. I guess I really did get to. It's funny. I didn't remember any of this until now. Why didn't I remember any of this?"

I looked at him, and pulsed a strong sense of comfort to him. His smile brightened a little as he leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine for a few seconds. I closed my eyes and savored the moment before I answered. "You didn't need to, I guess. The mind works in funny ways, babe. I've always felt a really strong pull towards you and your channel, but ever since I met you in person, it has just gotten clearer and clearer. The connection cleared and basically reopened these memories for me over the last few days. Our, um, experience?" I raised an eyebrow at Mark, making sure he knew what I was talking about. He grinned at me, knowing I meant the sexual encounter that blew his mind so completely the first time this morning. "Our experience kind of made things clearer. I think..." I trailed off, a little afraid to finish my thought, for fear of scaring Mark off now.

Mark picked up on the tinge of fear and swirl of nerves I had. "Baby? Why are you nervous and scared? What do you think? Come on, I'm not going to run off screaming. I love you too much for that. This isn't scaring me away. It's actually helping me understand a lot of things that have happened. Like when Dad died. You were there too. You were the one who held me all night while I cried, alone, after I ran off and no one could find me." I nodded. Mark squeezed my hand, tears in his eyes, and swallowed thickly. "You were there then when... When he actually passed. I felt another presence, in my mind, keeping me steady and calm. I swore for years, I was losing it or it was my mind just being too numb to cope. But you helped me somehow, didn't you?"

I smiled and kissed him. "Of course I did, Mark. You were in so much pain, I HAD to. I took some of the pain into myself, that was all and shielded you for a while, until you could deal with things a little better." I sighed. "But yes, I was there for that. I'm so sorry I couldn't do more at the time for you. I wish, more than anything I could have. All I could do was watch, mostly, and ease your pain a little. Mark, I... I think I just figured out a little of why the two of us have this connection. But please don't freak out on me, if I tell you."

Mark looked at me and hugged me. "Baby, unless you tell me it's because we're related, I swear to God, I'm not going to freak out."

I made a face. "What? Eww, no. Hell, no. That's gross. Um, I think, looking at all the evidence, especially the way our auras match and these shared experiences, we're, um, soulmates."

Mark laughed softly. "Baby, why the hell were you so hesitant to say that to me? You acted like I'd run screaming for the hills." I blushed. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, I like the thought of that? Being the soulmate of such a wonderful, caring, smart, sexy, beautiful woman? I mean, you're practically an angel as it is. My angel. And I do think you are probably right, about us being soulmates. It makes a lot of sense. True soulmates are really rare, from what I understood. Like one in several million chances."

I blushed a little brighter. "I know. It would also explain why everything seems so right between us, so fast, though. I'd need to look into the aura color part, but I suspect it's true. If it is, I may know another secret." I grinned. Mark raised his eyebrows at me. "Jack and Signe match too. Jack's is a LOT brighter, but their auras are exactly the same color and have all the same patterns and sparkles. They even have the same threads of silver and other colors twining through them. I just never knew what it meant." I closed my eyes thinking for a minute and chuckled. "God, I've been oblivious. I could literally see the two of them twining back and forth together, and I just didn't understand what it meant. They both have a bright silver cord that runs down one side that has snaked out and braided together."

Mark grinned at me. "I see. Wait. Silver? Like the color of yours?" I nodded. Mark tilted his head. "Does that mean anything?"

I smiled. "I have no idea. It could be why they can sense me, through the connection. Or it could just be that magic is expressed in the color of precious metals. I don't exactly know. I've really only ever seen strong auras in metallics, and the stronger someone is the brighter it is. I'm not exactly an expert on all this stuff, Mark. I've been operating mostly based on guesswork, feeling, trial and error, and hope for years. I've been lucky a lot and haven't had too many disasters as far as my actual other powers go, besides the mental connections and aura reading stuff. Some of them are a little more out there." 

Mark raised an eyebrow at me. "Like what baby?"

I blushed. "Um, promise not to freak out, if I show you?" Mark nodded and hugged me tighter, pulling me into his lap all the way now. I cuddled closer and closed my eyes for a minute, concentrating, then lifted one hand. When I opened my eyes, my hand was glowing faintly, a pale silver aura surrounding it. I touched Mark's cheek gently. 

He smiled. "Ooh, that feels really nice. What are you doing? It feels like a warm breeze blowing through my whole body, or you somehow filling me up with something warm and tingly, in a good way."

I chuckled. "It's a healing boost. I can heal, a bit. I didn't learn that until more recently, unfortunately." I looked down. "I'm sorry."

Mark blinked at me. "Wait, why are you... You were actually there then, when my Dad died, weren't you? I thought I imagined it. You did something to help me then too, didn't you?"

I nodded. "Of course I did, sweetheart. I did all I could, trying to help, taking your pain into myself. I wish I could have done more, for you or for your Dad, but I didn't know how to heal yet then, and I got there too late anyway, at least for him. All I could do was pull some of your pain away enough so you could function a little. And later, when you ran away, I was the one who just held you and let you cry for as long as you needed."

Mark bit his lip and rested his head on my shoulder, thinking. "I thought you were a figment of my imagination, a literal angel I made up to get me through that hard time. Then you came back to me in the hospital when I nearly died, not so long after, and took more of my pain and just held me close again. But you did something else then too, something more. Had you started to learn to heal by then? I seem to remember you were glowing with that silvery light, a lot brighter than now, most of the time. I thought it was from the moon or because you were an angel. They glow right?"

I smiled and shrugged. "I'm not sure, baby. But yes, I had started to learn to heal by then. I did as much as I could for you, every time I visited you, which was every time I fell asleep and our minds touched." I brushed my hand against Mark's cheek again, then reached up a little more and brushed his hair out of his eyes, lovingly sweeping it back and tucking some of it behind one of his ears. Mark smiled at me, the love in his eyes making them almost glow. I sighed. "I have tried to be really careful with my powers but I feel like I have to help people, or else why do I even have them? I've only ever had one time when I was nearly caught using them, but the people who saw me were too hurt and distressed to be reliable witnesses to report it. I don't regret what I did anyway. I would do it again, even if it meant someone did find out about my healing ability."

Mark kissed my shoulder, pulling me closer. "What happened, sweetheart? I understand, believe me. I'd take the world's pain and sorrow on and make it my own if I could too, so other people wouldn't feel bad if things could work that way. But until you just told me you could do this, I didn't think it was possible."

I smiled and nodded, then closed my eyes again, shifting my arms around Mark. "I saw a man get shot in a drive-by shooting. He hadn't done anything wrong. It was completely random. His wife was standing right next to him, and she was in shock. She saw everything, but she was falling apart, begging everyone around her to do something, to save him. She was about six months pregnant and scared out of her mind too. I rushed in and did what I could to heal him, mostly taking his pain away, replacing a good bit of the blood he lost, and moving the bullet so it was more superficial. When I finished, I used a few of my other powers as I left and called nine one one, anonymously, reporting a man had been shot and where, making his wife hold pressure on the wound, very carefully so she wouldn't undo the work I had just done accidentally, and then I left before they really registered who I was. Both the man and woman were still to shocky to get a proper look at me or give a proper description of me to the ambulance. Besides, as far as the rescue team could tell, all I did was assess the wound, clean it and apply a pressure dressing to slow the bleeding, then move the wife to hold it while I called for backup, which anyone with proper first aid training would do. The couple were interviewed on the news and in several newspapers, locally, and tried to thank me and track me down, but I made sure to stay anonymous. I didn't want thanked, particularly. They did put a P.O. box up for tips to be sent, for people to send leads about the mystery angel, as I was dubbed, and I sent them a very nice letter, thanking them for the thought, but asking them to call of the search, telling them I was shy and didn't want the attention. That made the news too. Fortunately, I had sent it without a return address, from a busy post office and used nothing identifying. Apparently they had even tried to check to see if I had licked the envelope to seal it. I was more than a little grateful I had sealed it with a sponge and used a self-adhesive stamp. I had even been wearing gloves when I handled the paper and envelope because I was working a shift at the student medical center the day I wrote and sent it, and as such I was required to wear gloves during my shift, all day. I had to change them between patients, so usually I would swap them as I entered the room. Not that I ever actually did anything medical. I just handled charts, handed things to the nurses and doctors, and wrote things down, mostly. I also talked to the students and made appointments, handed out pamphlets and condoms, answered the phone, and used the office computer to do whatever was needed. Mostly it was boring."

Mark just smiled at me and shook his head. "Baby, it's awesome that you could do anything at all for those people. And then that you did is even better. I understand not wanting to be thanked, but it sounds almost like you were a little paranoid about being found."

I blushed. "I wasn't trying to be, really. It just happened in a way that things lined up so it seems like it now. And it was really lucky, at the time. I had no idea they would push so hard to try to find me again, or that the media would pick the story up and pursue it so much too. It was all the news was covering for a while, around the usual negative stuff, and they were running every other day updates for weeks. If this had happened after my kidnapping, I think it would have caused me to relapse pretty badly, but this was my freshman year of college, so it was before any of that trauma had happened. It kind of made me more leery of public attention, if anything. The news tried to bring it up again after a year had passed since I had never been found, but I was still in therapy and really triggered by things. That wasn't a good day." I shook my head sadly. "They dropped the story again when no one came forward and the couple asked them not to continue pursuing it."

Mark stroked a hand down my back, then hummed a soft sound. "So you can do some healing. That's amazing. And you can find whatever small inanimate object you need, within limits, if you've seen it recently. That's handy. What other hidden talents to you have? Anything else? Or is that the limits of my incredible girlfriend?" He kissed my shoulder again and leaned against me, holding me close. "Not that I'm in any way saying that isn't enough, because it is. I'm just curious."

I chuckled softly. "Mmm. I have a few more. I'll have to show you, though. Um, you need to let me go for one of them and let me stand up, baby." Mark made a face, but let me go, watching me stand up carefully. When I was standing, I closed my eyes and relaxed completely and took two steps forward. I wasn't sure it worked until Mark gasped. 

"Babe? Um..."

I giggled. "I know." I opened my eyes and looked down at him. I was standing about three inches off the floor now. Mark's eyes were huge. I grinned at him and stepped down easily as though I were stepping down off as set of stairs. Mark just stared for a minute. "Freaked me the fuck out the first time it happened. I was walking along, alone, in the woods by my grandparents’ house and all of a sudden the ground was not in contact with my feet. It still feels like it is, mostly, or like I'm walking on a fairly firm surface, but it's still a little hard to wrap my head around. And if it happens accidentally, like it did a few times in school, um. it's a little more difficult to explain. Fortunately, no one ever noticed."

Mark finally regained his voice. "Jesus. You can fly. Or float at least." I nodded. "Holy shit. That's so fucking cool. Do you think I could learn that one? How high can you go? Wow."

I laughed. "Actually, I haven't experimented very much with that power. We can try it out together, if you want. We might have to drive out somewhere away from the city for that though. I don't want to have anyone accidentally spot me." 

Mark nodded, smiling. "Sure. This is really fucking cool."

I leaned over and kissed him gently. "You said that, babe. Okay, I think that's most of my abilities. Or at least the ones I know about. Every once in a while something will pop up as a new one, especially if I'm stressed for some reason. Oh, and I can kind of disappear into crowds. I thought for a long time it was just that people were overlooking me, but I'm pretty sure it's actually something a little more, like I might actually become invisible. That one started after..." I trailed off again. Mark pulled me back into his arms. I snuggled in close and tried to fight off the tears and emotions that threatened to overwhelm me yet again.

Mark kissed my forehead gently and hummed out a soothing noise. "Oh babe, I understand. If you said they tend to develop after stressful situations, I'm surprised that's the only one you got then. Shh, it's okay. I've got you now. You're safe and I love you so much, I can't believe it sometimes. Nothing is going to get you here." Mark smiled as I slowly settled. "I'll always protect you if I can, in every single way I can."

I smiled and cuddled closer. "Thank you, Mark. That means so much to me. I'm sorry I'm falling apart so much like this lately."

Mark shook his head. "You've just been under a lot of strain and had a lot going on. It's fine. Now, we need to get this shower taken care of then head into work, angel mine. Come on. I bet this will help you feel better too." I smiled a little as we both stood up and got under the water, showering quickly. Mark had been right. The shower did make me feel a lot better. After we finished up, I leaned into him and kissed him, a warm, loving kiss, without a lot of sexual heat, just letting him know I was feeling better and thanking him for looking out for me. He smiled. "Glad to see you doing so much better babe. You're so strong, but even so, it's scary to see you struggle and spin out like you have been the last few days. Even if I know why."

I wrapped a bath sheet around myself after I dried off. "Yeah, I know. But you've been great about helping me through all of it. So has Chica. Both of you are so much better at helping me with all of this than I could ever have hoped or dared to expect. It just makes me love you both so much more, which I honestly didn’t even think was possible. God, Mark, how am I ever going to be able to go home when it’s time, at this rate?”

Mark wrapped his arms around me, smiling and held me close, ignoring the fact that both of us were only wearing towels now. “Mmm, I don’t know babe. You’ll manage somehow. You know it will only be for a few short days, or maybe two weeks, at the very longest, then you’re coming right back to my arms. Maybe I could even manage to get away with you then, if we can time it right and I can find someone to look after Chica. Maybe Tyler or Ethan can take her this time. We’ll see when the time comes, okay? Let’s not worry right now. You just got here. I want to spend every moment I can just relaxing and making you happy today. I’m going to text Tyler and Ethan and tell them I’m not coming in until this afternoon. Then we are heading back to bed and I’m giving you a massage to get the rest of those muscles loosened up, sweetheart. You can thank me afterward, however you see fit, if you want to. I’m easy to please.”

I grinned. “I know, Markimoo. All I have to do is look at you sometimes. But I have a few ideas I think you’ll like. I’ll let you rub my back first though. That does sound really nice. It’s still pretty sore from the flight over. I was so tense it got really knotted up and the long flight just made it worse.”

Mark frowned at me a little. “Babe, you should have mentioned it sooner. I would have helped before know, you know. I really don’t mind doing this. Believe me, I like touching you.” Mark smiled and kissed my shoulder as he guided me with gentle hands from the bathroom to the bedroom, leading me to the bed. "Here sweetheart, you just lie down. I'll take your towel now. Get nice and comfortable, lying on your stomach for me okay? I'll be back in just a second. I'm just going to go grab a couple of things and light a few scented candles to help us relax."

I smiled and nodded. "That sounds fantastic, Mark. Do you mind if I use my tablet while you rub my back?" Mark grinned and shook his head. I grabbed it from my suitcase and laid down with my head off the end of the bed, my shoulders and arms free and set my tablet on top of a box so I could see it a bit better, sliding it closer. 

Mark grinned when he came back in. "That's perfect babe. I have either lavender, vanilla ice cream, or sandalwood scented candles. Mom sent them to me with a note telling me she hoped they would help me relax more."

I giggled. "Oh, I think they will. Mmm, I'm partial to the vanilla ice cream scent, personally. Honestly, I don't care for lavender. I have no idea what sandalwood smells like. Maybe we can go out and buy some candles later, in some scents we like, together, for the next time we want some romantic mood lighting or to relax together. I bet a bubble bath with candles would be amazing, love. Imagine if the room smelled faintly of cinnamon, or warm spices. Don't worry, I don't tend to go for the really girl, flowery scents."

Mark chuckled and come over, setting down several items next to me and gave me a kiss. "That doesn't really surprise me, angel. You and I fit together so well, I doubt you would pick something I hated. Besides, I like some flower smells. But yes, a bubble bath with you and candles that made the room smell like that do sound like heaven. We can go pick some up later, either on the way to the office, or on the way home, depending on how the day goes. Let me just light these vanilla candles then and we can get started. I'll have to send Mom a thank you later."

I giggled. "Or I will. Do you think she'd like it more, coming from me?"

Mark looked at me and grinned. "Baby, that's bad. Behave. But yes, she absolutely would. I'll give you here email address later. It's going to look like you snuck onto my laptop and went behind my back, isn't it?" 

I shook my head. "No Mark. I'm not going to lie to your mom. I'm just going to thank her for the candles and tell her we enjoyed using them together. I'll let her draw her own conclusions. And I will mention I asked you for her email address so I could contact her, since I had already met her over Skype. It's not an unreasonable thing to do. She said she wanted to talk to me more and keep in touch with me. Besides, I think she wants me to help her keep tabs on you. You aren't good about calling her, from what she said. I can help her keep from worrying quite so much and keep her off your back at the same time. I don't mind being the go between for the two of you, if it keeps you both happy." Mark finished lighting the last candle and came over to the bed just as I said this. I looked up at him, smiling.

Mark had a look on his face, one I had a little trouble reading. There was deep love and affection, yes, but something more as well, something I couldn't interpret. I raised an eyebrow, feeling confused. Mark leaned down and kissed me. "I love you so much, angel. I can't believe I get you all to myself sometimes. You do so much for me and you are so incredibly thoughtful. You just take my breath away and blow my mind. How did I ever live without you? I feel like my world was all shades of grey before I met you somehow and you have brought so much color into my life for the very first time, I'm almost overwhelmed, in a good way. You just..." Mark stopped, getting too choked up to go on. I smiled a little brighter and reached up to pull him down into my arms. He came willingly, cuddling close. I hummed out a small, soothing noise, making him chuckle a slightly watery chuckle as tears slipped down his cheeks. He brushed them off and kissed me again. "God. Sorry about that. You just get me so emotional sometimes, and I cry pretty easily, as everyone knows."

I stroked a hand down Mark's cheek as I rolled onto one side to look at Mark a little better. "Baby, relax. I'm hardly upset with you. I don't care that you show your emotions. I wish I was as open about mine as you are, truthfully. I've hidden them away, even from myself, for so long, I've kind of forgotten how to reconnect with some of them some of the time. That's part of why I struggle so much with things. I get overwhelmed and can't process what I'm feeling or interpret things on my own. You help with that a lot more than you seem to give yourself credit for. I wish I could get you to understand that." 

Mark brought his hands up and caught my hand before I could draw it away, keeping pressed to his cheek. He pressed a gentle kiss into my palm then leaned his cheek back against my hand and smiled at me, looking more content. "Angel, you're doing fine. You just had to lock yourself down because you needed to protect yourself more in the past. I understand that. Hell, I doubt I could have made it through all you have and come out nearly as undamaged as you are. You don't give yourself nearly enough credit either. Now pretty lady, you roll back over so I can rub those sore muscles for you, okay? I want to make you all nice and relaxed and loose before we get going today. That's my good girl." I nodded and moved to obey, gently pulling my hand away. Mark stood up and pulled his towel off, to stand naked beside me for a second, then straddling me from behind so he could get a better angle and reach over beside me and grabbing a bottle of massage oil he had brought in from another room. "Here sweetheart. I heated this up a little for you. It's cinnamon scented too, so you'll smell all spicy and delicious all day and it will warm your muscles up a little too. Is that okay?" I nodded and hummed out a small note of approval as I rested my head on my crossed arms, closing my eyes, and just letting my body relax as much as I could. I could feel Mark's approval through the connection we had. He very quietly started singing to me as he bent close and started massaging my shoulders, nibbling my earlobes as he did, seemingly unable to stay away. I felt myself responding, my whole body going limp and boneless, heating up and melting at his touch. The way he was positioned over me wasn't helping either of us stay calm either. Every movement was grinding us closer together, his excitement clear and bouncing against me rubbing my back and ass with every slight shift in position either of us made. Mark moaned as he realized his mistake too late. I was already a moaning puddle on the bed, totally turned on by the massage and the way he was nibbling at me and touching me. I opened the connection between us up all the way again, closing my connections with everyone else again, gently. Mark blinked at me then moaned. "Babe, your going to kill me. I wasn't trying to... I mean, I was only doing this to make you feel better."

I turned my head so I could look over my shoulder at him. "Mmm. This does make me feel good, Mark. I love you, and I love doing this with you. You make me feel so good, all the time. But honestly, you got me all loose and relaxed now, and very, very turned on. Please, babe, just fuck me. You know we both want to."

Mark growled at me. "God woman, you're insatiable. But so am I apparently. Okay." Mark grabbed a condom, rolled it on, and started very gently fucking me going slow, deep and sweet. The angle, speed and different position made both of us lose our minds a little, particularly when he found my G spot. With the shared connection we had, our orgasms reverberated between us, spiking back and forth repeatedly until both of us were utterly exhausted and satisfied. Mark rolled off me with a small grunt and took the condom off to throw it away, tying it up as he went, then he came back and very gently helped me clean up again. After that, both of us just cuddled for a while, lying on the bed together quietly, our arms wrapped around each other, just holding each other close. Mark smiled as he looked into my eyes. "Sweetheart, I don't know how it took us this long to figure out that we were meant to be together and were soulmates. I think we must be a little dense or something. I mean, it seems so obvious now that you suggested it."

I smiled back and scooted a little closer, kissing Mark's cheek. "Mmm. Well, you know how rare they are. And a lot of soul mates have identifying marks, or at least I thought they did. Maybe that's just a legend? I don't think I've ever met any soulmates who have, come to think of it. I do actually know several people who are soulmates, now that I think about it, besides Jack and Signe, and the two of us. I still can't believe I missed the fact that Jack and Signe are soulmates too, for so long." I giggled. "I wonder how long it's going to take them to figure it out?"

Mark looked at my expression and laughed. "You're not going to given them any hints, are you? Even though you know now and are so close to both of them."

I looked at Mark and smirked. "Why the hell would I do that? They need to figure it out on their own, sweetie. Besides, it's not really something I should reveal to them. I'm not sure how much of my other abilities I am going to reveal to anyone right now. It's different with you. I mean, you know me, inside and out. Our souls are literally connected. It's the reason we fit together the way we do and fill in each others missing pieces." I hugged Mark a bit closer, resting my head on his shoulder. "We are meant to complete each other, to be part of each other's lives forever, lover. Neither one of us would ever be truly whole without the other if we hadn't met. Some important piece would have always felt just slightly off, missing, or just a little wrong somehow. Not that we would have necessarily been unhappy, but something would have just felt missing. For me, anyway, I'm not sure if I would have even made it this far. You really are what has kept me here, whole and sane, even before we met in person. I mean that, more than you can ever imagine. If you hadn't reached out to me like you did, in your dreams when you were younger, I don't think I would have made it through things."

Mark shivered and tightened his grip around me, looking sad, then kissed me. "Angel, please don't say that. I don't think I would be here either. You kept me form doing something very foolish the day my Dad died too, just by taking away so much of my pain and staying with me. And you helped me stay alive when I nearly died in the hospital, when even the doctors thought I might not. You healed me and stayed with me. You took my pain away, time and time again, making it your own, despite the fact that it wasn't something you had to do. I scares me to think we might never have met, how much we might have missed if that had happened. If I'm the man of your dreams, like you claimed earlier, you are every bit the woman of mine." Mark lifted a hand up and stroked my cheek, very lightly, a bare whisper of his fingertips against my skin as though he were almost afraid to touch me now. He smiled a little wistfully at me. "You're so incredibly beautiful, inside and out, I feel like I need to do something more to deserve you, somehow."

I reached my hands up and caught his hand in mine, drawing it into my lips, kissing his fingers gently. "No Mark, you do deserve me. You are deserving of a lot of wonderful things, better than I can offer, probably, but I'll do my best to give you whatever you need. This does mean though your friends were wrong, and now we know that for sure." Mark raised an eyebrow. I smiled sweetly and hummed out a contented noise. "Neither one of us can be out of each other's leagues if we're soulmates. It doesn't work that way. We're destined to be together, like interlocking puzzle pieces that are stronger together. As soon as we met, our souls bonded. We both felt it, that's why it hurts so much to be apart."

Mark smiled at me and nodded, leaning against me. I just held onto him quietly for a few minutes. Neither of us moved, both of us thinking, sharing some of our feelings through our connection and no few thoughts the same way, without realizing it at first. I had never shared thoughts with anyone that way before, so I didn't even realize it was possible until it registered it was happening now. I tried to reel in my confusion, but my thoughts were rapidly becoming jumbled. Mark looked at me, worry in his expression. "Baby, what's wrong? Why are you getting so upset?"

I turned to him, tears in my eyes, pulling away slightly. "I... Mark, I've never shared thoughts with anyone before. I didn't even know it was possible. How are we doing this? Is this something new? Is this because of our soul connection? Did I develop a new power again? What's going on?"

Mark pulled me close again, stroking a hand down my back and kissed my forehead, cuddling me close. "Oh babe, it's okay. No matter what this is, it's okay. We'll figure it out together. You don't have to go through things alone anymore. And I think this is because of the soul connection we share. I can sense your thoughts too, at least some of them. I never got anyone else's before. I'm not really all that in tune with other people usually. Ha. Actually, I'm usually pretty oblivious." Mark blushed faintly and looked at me. "It's different with you, angel. I'm just somehow more tuned in to you. I can't stand to see you hurting. Especially if there is anything I can do to help you feel better. That's part of why I suggested the massage a little while ago. Now, why don't both of us put some clothes on and take a very short nap, then plan on eating some lunch and heading in to my office for the afternoon. Does that sound like a decent plan to you, my dear?"

I smiled and nodded, yawning. "Yeah, that sounds great, love. I am pretty tired again, between all our overly athletic sex this morning and still being a bit jet-lagged. Just make sure you set an alarm for us before we fall asleep, babe. I don't want to oversleep and screw up your recording schedule." I yawned again and stood up, then grabbed my clothes and got dressed quickly before laying back down on top of the bedding next to Mark, who was already back in bed, wearing his boxers, shorts and a tee shirt. I cuddled in close and closed my eyes, instantly falling asleep. I woke up three hours later to an alarm and a insistent mental 'knocking' from Jack. I blinked at both feelings, shaking the mental fog and opened my connection to him sending a questioning feeling to him. He sent back worry, pain, and confusion. I felt toward Signe and got a solid buzz of sleep and a wall of pain. and I immediately knew what had happened. Signe had tried using her mental powers a bit and overreached, knocking herself out, and when Jack woke up all he could get from her was pain and sleep so he panicked and reached for me. I was napping so he got the mental message with how to reach me and had been trying but hadn't gotten through until now and he was nearly frantic. I sent back a wave of calm to him, hoping to soothe him. I also tried sending him the mental message that I would call him as soon as I could and I knew what had happened, that Signe was fine, but I had no idea if he got it or not at this point. I sighed and looked over at Mark, who was still asleep. I reached over and gently woke him up with a kiss.

Mark smiled brightly into my face. "Hmm. I could so get used to this. This is by far the best way in the world to wake up."

I laughed. "I don't know. I can think of a few things I could do to top it, probably. But come on sweetie, we need to get a move on. Let's go ahead in to your office. We can stop for lunch on the way. I need to call Jack again as soon as I can, and I'd rather do it from there. Signe was trying out her mental powers a little and overdid things to the point she's out cold on their couch, so when Jack woke up for something, he freaked out when he found her like that. All he can get from her is pain and sleep, mentally. I tried to reassure him, but I don't know what he's getting from me at this point."

Mark blinked. "Whoa." I looked at him. Mark shook his head. "That's a lot to take in. First that you can get all that without being there, and second that you can just calmly handle this even though you just woke up too. I would need a few minutes to sort out my brain if it were me. As it is, I feel like I'm a few beats behind. If you need my help though, I'll be happy to do whatever I can. I'm sure Jack is going to appreciate both of us being there for this and understanding what he's going through. It helps that you actually understand how some of this shit works too."

I grinned. "Yeah. Fucking magic bullshit. Who would have thought to try French toast for god's sake? I suppose bread pudding would work too, and that might be easier to get over there, if Jack has to run out to the bakery. I'll be sure to mention that to him. Though I can guide him through making passable French toast pretty easily, if he has a loaf of bread and some eggs and milk around. They'll have to wait for me to come home for my specialty stuff. I wonder if waffles or pancakes would work?" I quietly mused this over as Mark got up and finished getting ready to head into his office. I slipped into my sandals and brushed my hair and teeth, all I needed to do to get ready, and met him by the front door, holding Chica's leash while he gathered the last of the things he needed. I had already taken my medicines for the day this morning, but we brought them along anyway, not wanting a repeat of yesterday, and just in case I needed anything. Within just a few minutes, Mark had gone through the Drive-Thru at his favorite local restaurant, having placed an order from his phone before we left the house, and we pulled up to the office. I led Chica inside after Mark parked and unlocked the door for us, then started hauling his stuff inside and went back out to make another trip for the food and the rest of his gear. I unclipped Chica's leash once we were in the main part of the office, saying hello to everyone, and made a beeline for my computer immediately, booting up and logging into Skype as soon as it was logged into the Internet. Jack was already online, so I connected with him right away. He picked up as soon as the first ring went through.

"Lass?" Jack's face looked pale, and his color was almost a little green. His features were pinched with worry. I could almost see the stress radiating off him. "What's going on with Signe? What happened ta her while I was asleep? Do ye know? I kind of got tha impression ye do, from the mental message ye sent, but I have no idea how ye got that ta me, and I don't know if I can trust it as real." I saw him start to shake and a few tears roll down his cheek as he bit his lip and chewed on his cheek.

"Jack, calm down and breathe. I need you to take a deep breath for me, okay? Everything is alright. Signe is fine. You know what you were trying earlier, with me?" Jack nodded, looking a little wobbly still. "I'm pretty sure she was doing the same thing, but not with either of us and she just over did it. She's exhausted. It hit her all at once, so she passed out. Can you get her to bed?" Jack looked extremely relieved as my words sunk in and a small sob escaped him. He nodded. 

"I'll be right back. Don't hang up yet. I still need ta talk ta ye about this." Jack stepped away, and I saw him walk past carrying Signe cuddled in his arms a minute later, kissing her forehead and whispering to her in her sleep. She was leaning into him, even as she slept, a small smile on her face, her hand on his chest. It was adorable. I felt Mark come up behind me and knew he saw it too. I looked up at him and smiled. He bent down and kissed me, then lifted me out of my seat and sat down, setting me in his lap. I got comfortable, leaning into him and moved the screen so we were both in frame a bit better.

Mark kissed my neck. "So? How is he?"

I shook my head. "Not good. I was right. He did get my message, but he was falling apart at the seams anyway. He didn't trust me completely, or himself, and he was panicking. He's doing better now, but he still needs some calming down and to talk things out a bit." 

Mark nodded, smiling at me. "Of course, baby." He looked up. Ethan was watching us curiously. Tyler and Kathryn were both ignoring us completely. I smiled at Ethan and tried sending him and mental message, just to see what would happen. He jumped in his chair and spun around looking like he had been stung.

"Who did that? What?"

I sighed and looked at Mark. "We better include Ethan on this too. He's sensitive too. I don't know about Kathryn or Tyler. Do you want me to check?" 

Mark grinned. "We might as well. Can I try?" I nodded, gesturing. Mark made a face and I could feel him sending a mental poke out toward Kathryn. Nothing. When he did the same for Tyler, he jumped. I sighed and shook my head. 

"Oye. How many fucking people do you know who have this ability Mark? Jesus! I barely knew any before now. And believe me, I checked. Okay, let's go have this discussion in the other room then, with my laptop and Jack on the line. You get Ethan and Tyler on board, okay Mark? I'm counting on you." I kissed his cheek and walked away with my laptop, just as Jack came back on screen. Jack still looked a bit shaky, but he was much calmer than he had been a few minutes ago. "Hang on just a couple of minutes, Jack. We're at Mark's office and we need to do something before we have this chat."

Jack nodded. "Sure lass. I understand. Thank ye for doing all this for me, talking me down from tha panic. When I saw Signe just out cold like that, and couldn't wake her up, I tried reaching out for her mentally, like I would with ye, and all I got was a buzz of static and a wall of pain. I have no idea what that means."

I smiled gently. "Well, first of all, the buzz you got means the person is asleep. Did you get the same feeling from Mark and me?"

Jack nodded, looking a little confused. "Yeah. But if ye were at his office, how were ye asleep?"

I chuckled. "We weren't yet. We were still at his place. We were taking a nap. I'm still jet-lagged as hell. Mark hasn't been sleeping while I was at home, so he's exhausted himself completely. We were trying to just catch up a little before he needed to record this afternoon. He went for a jog with Chica this morning and I made breakfast for us, but neither of us was really feeling up to doing too much after that, so we opted for a shower and a nap together. We were just getting up when you 'knocked' but now we found out Tyler and Ethan have this sensitivity too so we need to bring them in on this talk as well. Mark's in talking to them now." I smiled, without thinking about it.

Jack grinned at me. "Ye really love him don't ye, lass?"

I blinked. "More than anyone, Jack. Um... I have some news on that front to talk to you and Signe about later. In private." 

Jack raised an eyebrow at me. "Don't tell me ye're pregnant. I will come over there and punch Mark, right in tha nose, friend or no friend, if he isn't supporting ye."

I laughed, snorted, and my accent slipped without my realizing it. "I'm not pregnant as far as I know. No, that's not it. Jaysus Jack, calm yer ass down. Holy fuck. Jump ta conclusions much? Ye goober. It's nothing bad. We both just realized something, that's all. It explains a very great deal." I grinned at him. "And that's all yer getting from me on tha subject for now, laddybuck. Ye know how tight lipped I can be."

Jack grumbled a little. Neither of us had noticed Mark, Ethan, and Tyler come to the door, but all three of them laughed softly now. I looked up, blushing faintly. Mark came over and stole the seat next to me, cuddling on the couch next to me, as close as he could. "Hey Jack. How you doing buddy?" Mark leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Hey baby. Your accent is back again, did you know?" I blushed and shook my head.

Jack smiled and waved, looking a little chagrined. "Ehh, I'm a but embarrassed ta tell tha truth. But tha lass has been helping me get all this shite figured out. I can't imagine having ta try ta stumble through all this blindly like she did. Now, she tells me there are a few more people ye need ta talk ta about this stuff too?"

Mark smiled and nodded. "Yeah, hang on a second Jack. I'm going to bring them over here to sit on the couch too." Mark waved his hand, gesturing Ethan and Tyler over, then stood up and lifted me up again and sat back down with me in his lap. I squeaked. Mark kissed my ear. "Hey, I got you sweetheart. Don't worry. You think, after everything we talked about this morning, I'd do anything to hurt you or let you fall?" I blushed and shook my head, leaning into Mark's chest and resting my head against his shoulder. Mark smiled at my expression, ignoring the rest of the room for the moment, seeing only me. "That's better. I love you baby."

I rested a hand over Mark's heart, feeling his steady heartbeat and the pulse of our shared soul connection. "I love ye too, Mark, a lot." I shook my head for a second and cleared my throat. "I'm sorry. I love you too."

Mark chuckled. "Hey, you don't have to worry about which accent you use around me, you know that, angel." Mark kissed the tip of my nose, clearly amused. "You're adorable either way."

Ethan made an "Aww." sound as he sat down next to us, drawing my attention to him. I looked over at him. He grinned at us. "You two are so cute together. Like a basket of fluffy kittens and puppies level of cuteness."

I blushed. Jack laughed through the Skype call. "He's not wrong lass. Ye two are a bit over sweet. Now, can ye explain all this ta all of us? I, for one, am a bit more than confused and lost. I hate feeling this way. And I need ta know how ta help Signe when she wakes up."

I nodded. "Yeah, I can do that. First of all, let me give you all a brief explanation of what this power is, as I understand it. Um, it's going to sound really strange, but just go with it. As best as I can tell, it's related to magic, or magical potential. Like maybe you had some magic users in your bloodline somewhere in the past somewhere and it got past down and this is all that's left or something. Anyway, this sensitivity or mental connection lets you read other people's emotions, to an extent. Not everyone's mind you, usually just people who also have this sensitivity or you are close to, not necessarily physically, who you share a bond with of some type. Friends, family, significant others, even sometimes coworkers, and people you care about would all fit the bill for this pretty well. If you have a soulmate, you might find yourself reaching out to them, especially in your dreams and meeting them there, before you ever meet them in person. You will have to work slowly and carefully so you don't drain yourself and just pass out, which is what happened to Signe today. You'll get reaction headaches that can creep up suddenly. My best advice to all of you is if you are going to use these powers, which I would advise you to, because they will randomly force themselves out if you don't, just go slow and take it a little at a time. You need to build up your stamina, like lifting weights or exercising. After a little while, you will have a better idea of what your actual gift limits are. Don't push too hard, especially at the beginning." I smiled at everyone. "Now, I have some practical advice as well. There are a few remedies for when you do overreach. First, you're going to have to sleep it off as much as you can. Second, for the times when you absolutely can't or you need a quick boost to get you through until you can go sleep, full fat, full sugar, chocolate ice cream. The higher quality the better, as far as I could tell. It's not just for the taste. And hold it on the roof of you mouth as much as you can stand as long as you don't get brain freeze. It shrinks the blood vessels in your head and helps cut down on the headache and the fat, sugar, and caffeine get you going again. Using these powers drains your body in strange ways. The third remedy is French toast. Plain, unsweetened French toast. I mean, you can add sugar or syrup to it, I suppose, but you don't actually need to. I think it has to do with the fact that these powers stem from magic somehow and magic is somehow related to fairies and most legends of the fairies had them as somehow rather addicted to baked goods. I'm not totally sure though, I just know it works, surprisingly well. Jack, you could also try getting some bread pudding from the bakery if you don't have any bread, but if you do, I can step you through making some simple French toast for when Signe wakes up. It's going to help both of you. I suspect you're still feeling it a bit too, from how you felt when we talked last time, right?"

Jack nodded, rubbing his head. "Yeah, a bit. That's part of why I was so panicked too. I was afraid maybe Signe did something and got backlash from me."

I smiled and shook my head. "Jack, it doesn't work that way, I promise. She just overdid it. She'll be okay. She probably tried to reach her sister and just strained a little too much. You guys are still new at this and honestly I had no idea anyone else was going to be able to do this at all. If I had known I would have helped you while I was home, or at least given you a few pointers before I left and made sure you knew how to make the remedies." I smiled at Jack. "Oh, eating chocolate cake should work to help too, if you wanted to try that. I might have some in my freezer. You can go check if you want. You know where the keys are. It will be labeled. Make sure you leave at least a little for Signe when she wakes up, if you find some, Jack." Jack grinned at me.

"I can wait lass. Besides, ye should show me how ta make tha French toast. Then I can make Signe a proper breakfast, instead of just eating junk. We'll eat together and have a quiet morning before I try ta record anything, unless I call Robin and take tha day off. If my headache doesn't subside, I'm going ta need ta do that." Jack winced.

I looked at him again. "Jack sit down, please, and face your computer." Jack raised an eyebrow, but did as I asked. "Now, open your connection with me, as wide as you can manage. I promise not to hurt you. I would never do that to you, I hope you know." 

Jack smiled and nodded. "Lass, I trust ye completely. Ye are a good friend, and like I told ye, ye are like my little sister by now. Do ye mind if I close my eyes for a minute? Tha screen is kind of bright and it's making my eyes hurt."

I smiled softly. "Go ahead, Jack. That's fine. Just close your eyes and relax for a minute." Jack's face still looked pained and pinched, but some of the stress and worry dropped and his shoulders relaxed as he got comfortable. I reached out through the connection, closing my eyes, and very gently gathered his pain into a tight ball, drawing into me, and took it back with me, leaving behind a gentle boost of healing. When I finished, I opened my eyes, feeling slightly dizzy. 

Mark grabbed my arm and spoke in a whispered tone to me. "Easy, angel. Just stay here for a minute. I've got you. You were glowing silver again. Is Jack doing better now?"

I nodded at the screen and murmured back. "He should be. Ask him yourself."

Jack opened his eyes, looking completely recovered and then some. "Lass, what tha hell did ye do? And how? My headache is totally gone now, and I feel like I've slept all night, not just a few hours. Whatever ye did was all tingly and warm. I can still feel it too, lingering behind and working on me." Jack shook his head and looked at me again, through the screen. "Lass?"

I blinked and looked at him, feeling faintly sick. I tried to smile reassuringly. "I'm glad it worked." Mark rubbed a hand down my back and made a worried noise then kissed my shoulder, pulling me in closer to him. I didn't fight him. 

Jack swallowed. "Lass... What was that?"

I looked down. Mark squeezed my shoulder, encouraging me. I sighed. "I... I have a few other abilities I haven't mentioned ta ye and Signe yet, Jack. I can heal people, a bit. That's what I just did. It's pretty draining though." I gave Jack a half smile. "I'm going ta need at least half an hour before I can do anything else again. I have a pretty big reserve of power though, so that should be about all I need though. If I were there in person, I wouldn't even need that long, but tha distance makes it harder, trying ta just do this over tha connection."

Jack's eyes were huge as he nodded. "That's fair amazing [Y/N]."

Ethan rested a hand on my arm. "Is that why you were glowing silver? I mean, it wasn't super bright or anything, and it was really pretty, but it was a little startling to see."

I nodded. "Yeah, it's a side effect. Whenever I use my healing, I seem ta emit a silver glow."

Ethan smiled. "That's cool. You always have that shiny silver light around you anyway, so I'm not all that surprised. I mean, Mark has a silver light too, but his isn't nearly as bright." I looked at Mark and blinked. He grinned and nodded. I just leaned into him a little more heavily, tired. 

Mark spoke up. "Ethan, buddy, you're seeing our auras. [Y/N] explained this to me earlier. Not everyone has one, and not everyone can see them. What else do you see?"

Ethan grinned. "Well both of you are giving off a lot of really bright pink. And there's a braid connecting the two of you that's really tightly bound together that runs between the center of both of you." I looked at Mark and smiled. This was confirming my theory about Jack and Signe. He grinned back at me. Ethan went on. "You both have a lot of other colors too. And Mark, your colors are just as bright, even the silver, they just look paler, like they haven't come out yet fully. [Y/N], you're really, really shiny, almost blinding and have threads of gold and shimmers of bronze and some other metals in there, but the silver is so bright I can barely see them. It's kind of like looking right into a light bulb or the sun."

I blinked rapidly. "Okay. Wow. Thanks Ethan. Um, ye can stop now. Close yer eyes and do this..." I reached out and showed him how to lower a shield over his vision so he wouldn't have to see the auras all the time. He grinned hugely. "Ye just raise it when ye want ta see them. Ye understand what I showed ye?" Ethan nodded happily.

I looked over at Tyler, who was watching everything quietly. He saw my look and smiled. "You're pretty amazing, you know that? First you managed to make Mark this happy, and now you are helping all of us figure this stuff out. Who helped you figure this out when you first started?"

I looked away. Mark wrapped his arms around me a little tighter, squeezing me in a hug. "Angel... It's okay. You can trust Tyler. He's been my friend forever. Since we were both kids. He won't judge you, I promise, or spill your secrets. He's one of the most trustworthy men I know." Mark gave me a little kiss on the cheek. "I know you're worried and stressed, just from your accent. Just try to calm down a little. I won't let anything happen to you, you know that. I've got you, baby. It's going to be okay." 

I looked into Mark's eyes, biting my cheek. I could tell he could feel my pain but he was letting me process things at my own speed, not pushing me too hard, for which I was grateful. After a few seconds of thought, I nodded and looked back at Tyler. He was still smiling at me, reassuringly. Ethan looked curious too, but was sitting quietly still trying to absorb all the information I had just given him and sort through his new abilities in his own head. I could practically see him working through things, his power flow shifting and adjusting as he tried to get things under control. It made me proud to see him making such strides but at the same time, I was a little worried he was going to overwork himself if he wasn't careful. I was also curious about what, if any, powers Tyler had, other than his mental sensitivity. I sighed. "Tyler, no one was around ta help me when my abilities first broke out. I struggled through everything on my own, mostly by trial and error. I found things that worked and have stuck with them, but ye guys won't have ta, hopefully, because I already went through this part. My remedies might not work perfectly for ye, but they won't hurt ye either, and I can still help point ye in the right direction and guide ye in other ways. I still know a lot of other tips and trick and I have a lot of different types of powers, besides just tha mental ones we've talked about so far. I don't want ta go into all of them now, but if ye have another one, and want me ta try ta help ye understand it, please ask me. I might have it too, or at least be able ta help ye figure things out, based on tha ones I do have." I blushed, looking down again. "I'm not trying ta brag or anything. I just feel like ye need ta know. I have a lot of power and it covers a lot of different areas. I have ta help people if I can. It's important ta me." Mark rubbed a hand down my back, soothing me and smiled, just for me. I relaxed a bit more, into him before I said anything else. "And Mark, love, my accent is partly from being drained too. When I expend a load of energy that fast, it makes my accent slip for a few minutes too." Mark smiled and kissed my nose, nodding.

Tyler blinked and blushed faintly. "I don't know how you guessed I had another 'gift' as you call it, but yeah, I do. It's been happening to me my whole life, off and on, but lately it seems to be more and more often. I can make people forget I'm there, or get lost in a crowd. You'd think, tall as I am, I'd stick out, but it's more than just blending in. Somehow I just disappear."

I smiled. "Yeah, I know exactly what ye mean. It's almost like walking around and being invisible. I can do tha same thing. Actually, a few times I have wondered if I was invisible ta other people. I'm pretty quiet anyway, at least most of tha time, so it's easy enough for people ta just overlook me anyway. But under tha right circumstances and when that particular power is in play, no one can find me, unless I want ta be found. I wish that one had developed for me sooner..." I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, trying not to let my past overwhelm me. Jack made a noise, drawing my attention, as Mark kissed my neck and gave me a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

I looked at Jack. He sent me a wave of comfort, very gently, through our shared bond. "Lass, I know what ye were thinking about, from yer expression. Just tha fact that ye can do any of these things is amazing and special, let alone all of them. Tha fact that ye are also willing ta teach tha rest of us how ta control things is just beyond incredible. I'm going ta have ta think of something special ta do for ye when ye get home, ta treat ye, for all this. And don't ye dare try ta talk Signe and I out of it, or go around me, through her. I'll be right vexed with ye if ye do. I also want ta have a talk with ye, just tha three of us, or maybe tha four of us, if ye want Mark there, about tha full extent of yer gifts. No more secrets and hiding them from Signe and me, okay? We might have more of them, or develop more of them too and knowing what ye can help us handle is going ta be important."

I blushed and nodded, hiding my face against Mark's chest. Mark hummed out a soothing note to me and ran a hand down my back again while I mentally gathered myself. "Jack, don't be too hard on her. I talked to her about this a good bit this morning. The few people she ever told before didn't believe her, and I kind of got the impression a few of them may have even gotten a bit abusive about it, at least verbally." I shivered, surprised Mark had picked up on that undercurrent. He was right, but I hadn't wanted to bring it up. Mark just held me close and kissed my forehead sweetly, trying to help me stay in control. I tucked myself in closer to him, as a few tears slipped down my cheeks. Mark saw them and grabbed a tissue, wiping my face gently, tenderly. "Shh, angel, it's okay. I wasn't judging you, I swear. I was just trying to explain this to Jack, so he could understand why you hadn't already told him, okay? You just take a minute or two and cuddle into me to calm yourself down. No one is going to mind that, least of all me. I love having you in my arms like this and holding you close. Hmm, you feel so good here, like you belong and everything is right in the world when you are here. I hate seeing you sad or hurt though. I'm sorry if I upset you. I really didn't mean to."

I sniffled and looked up into Mark's face. "I know that, Mark. I was just so surprised ye understood that, from what I told ye this morning. I never came out and actually said anything..."

Mark nodded, a small smile on his face. He leaned forward and kissed my upturned face before I had the chance to move again, somehow making me melt into him more than anything else could. I sighed and let the tension that had built up go, running out of me like water, feeling a bit drained from the emotional whiplash. Mark just kept holding me close, snuggled into him. "Baby, I just read between the lines of what you were and weren't saying. Your expression and the pain in your eyes was telling me more than you know. That was how I figured it out. Now, you just settle back and cuddle me for a while. I know you still haven't completely recovered from the day you flew over here yet and you've been having an awfully high amount of stress and anxiety ever since you got here, sweetheart. I want you to just try to take it easy for a little while, if you can manage. That panic attack last night scared me a lot, probably more than you know. I thought you were going to die on me, the way you just froze up and stopped responding to anything. I really had no idea if I would be able to get you back again. Then your nose started bleeding so much, and I just about panicked myself until Chica came over. That's when I thought of singing to you while I held you close, so you would have an extra anchor to find your way back. I'm so freaking glad it worked." Mark shook his head and looked at me, tears unshed in his eyes as he cuddled me close. I easily read the fear and the rest of the unspoken emotion in his face and through our shared bond. I reached a hand up and very gently stroked his cheek, just letting him know I was okay and not going anywhere, that he had done everything exactly right, and that I was happy now. Mark smiled a little and kissed my palm, then rested his cheek on my hand, not letting me move my hand away for the moment, not that I really tried, and closed his eyes, looking tired. I shifted positions a little in his arms, making both of us more comfortable, leaning us back on the couch while still staying on screen to talk, but letting us rest too.

Jack smiled as we settled back. "Lass, ye and Mark look exhausted. Did tha two of ye get enough sleep last night, or were ye up late trying ta deal with tha aftermath of yer panic?"

I blushed and looked down, not meeting anyone's eyes. "We slept some. I've just been really exhausted since I got here Jack. I didn't sleep well tha night before I left, as ye know. Hell, I haven't slept well since Mark left Ireland, really. He hasn't been sleeping either. We both got too used ta sleeping beside each other and now it's giving both of us some problems, being apart, which we didn't anticipate. We'll figure this out, but for now, we're just wiped out. I napped a bit yesterday, but I was up for about twenty four hours straight tha day before and had some pretty bad anxiety. You know what that tends ta do to me."

Jack nodded. "Yeah, ye get all out of whack, on yer sleep and emotions. How did ye find out about Mark not sleeping? Did ye talk ta him about it?"

Mark flushed and opened his eyes. "Matthias blabbed on me yesterday. He came over to spend the day with me, expecting me to be a mess because [Y/N] wasn't supposed to be here yet, figuring I'd be either going crazy trying to make everything perfect or just moping around like crazy, waiting for her to get here. I honestly don't know what I would have done. I was too exhausted myself to even think straight when she got to my door. I'd been helping Ethan and Tyler get moved in all week and just got back from Ethan's new place about twenty minutes or so before she got to my place, with food for me. I was super surprised to see her." Mark grinned. "Amazed and excited of course, but super surprised. And she had been talking to me most of that time too, over text. I had a fast shower before she got here, but that was really all I managed. She even brought food for both of us, not that she's really eaten much in the past few days. I'm worried about how little she's been eating, honestly."

Jack looked at me. "Lass?"

I sighed. "I'm trying. Ye know how my stomach can get when I travel. I've told ye. And ye saw it, after I first moved in. Sometimes it just takes a few days ta settle. I think that's all this is. I have eaten a little, I'm just afraid ta push things too much. I know if I do, I'll just throw up, and that won't help." 

Jack nodded slowly. "Okay. Get yerself ta a doctor if ye don't feel better in a few more days though lass. Ye need ta eat. Ye work too hard ta skip meals."

I smiled crookedly. "Yes. Jack. Jaysus, ye really do sound like one of my brothers now." Jack grinned hugely and winked at me. We both laughed and Mark joined in too. "Now, about these powers... Clearly everyone will need ta work at developing them, but remember, GO SLOW. You will get reaction headaches if you push too hard. And there are things you can do ta help reduce them, but if you push it, you will end up knocked out suddenly. You can't help it and you will have ta just sleep it off until you can restore enough power ta wake up. Sorry, I don't make tha rules, that's just how it is." I shrugged as I looked around. "Ye can all try other baked goods, specifically pancakes, waffles, and french toast, if ye want. Doesn't have ta be sweet. I know tha french toast will work, every time. Stop at IHOP or someplace open really late and order something if you have ta guys. It will work wonders. And tha best, most reliable cure is sleep, of course. But that isn't always an option, I know. There might be other things that we find that work too. I'm perfectly willing ta try ta find them, as long as they aren't things I'm allergic ta. If they are, you might have ta test the out yourselves and see if they work then report back ta tha group. Let us know so other people can try them. And not everyone will necessarily have the same success rates with tha same cures, although I think everyone should have success with bread, french toast, and ice cream. We'll see."

Mark smiled at me again. "Sounds like a good plan angel. Now, you just relax a little here with me and explain the rest of this. I can feel how tired you are, through our connection and I hate to see you so drained." 

I looked at him for a minute, then leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'm okay, love. It just took a bit out of me ta boost Jack like that. I really will be right as rain in a few minutes, half an hour at most. If I weren't so tired from travel and not feeling well, it would barely hit me at all." I shook my head ruefully. "Well, I'd still feel it, what with him being half a world away, but not like this. Even so, this is hardly a drain on my resources. It just took a bit of juice all at once. That's all. Once I recover from that feeling, I'll be fine. I have a huge reserve, like I said. Gran compared my powers ta tha ocean. That was just a bathtub's worth. I just sent it all at once, so it shocked my system a bit. You know, dumping out an entire bathtub at once is a lot of water, but in terms of an ocean's worth of water, it's nothing." I sighed. "That sounded a lot more braggy than I meant it too."

Jack laughed. "Lass, if it's accurate, it's accurate. Ye're trying ta measure something we can't see or pin down easily. We understand." I smiled at him. "Now, before I let ye go, can ye step me through making some simple french toast?"

I laughed softly and gave him a simple recipe and told him how to prepare the bread, then fry it up and serve it. He smiled and thanked me, promising to send me pictures of the end result, or record it so I could see how it went, then hung up the call. I sighed, still cuddling Mark. Mark stroked a hand down my back as he watched my face, contentedly. I closed my eyes and just rested against him, feeling safe and loved. Mark pressed a gentle kiss into my forehead. Ethan made a small "Aww" noise at us. "You guys are just so sweet together. Now, I have a question I've been dying to ask. You seem to know what all those colors mean. Can you teach me? With the aura stuff, I mean? And what does the braid that links you and Mark mean?"

I smiled brightly and opened my eyes, looking deeply into Mark's eyes as he looked into mine as well. He grinned at me and nodded, letting me know he wanted to share the information with his team. I chuckled. "Well, Ethan, it's kind of complicated. Not everyone sees auras. I showed Mark how to this morning, but even so, I wasn't sure until he did it, if he would be able to get anything. As for the colors, yeah, I'll go over what I know with you. They pretty much mean what you think. Um, the silver, or gold, or bronze, I really don't know. I have only seen people's primary auras, and only people who are pretty powerful, in metallics. Those never change color. The secondary aura is the one that changes, based on mood, emotions, and how someone is feeling physically."

Ethan nodded eagerly. "So, the bright pink you and Mark both have means the same thing?" We blushed and nodded. Ethan grinned. "Let me guess. It's love, right?"

I giggled. "Yeah."

Ethan laughed. "that's pretty awesome. Wait, what's red mean than?"

I looked down. "Hatred. Extreme anger maybe. Orange is just regular anger. Yellow is fear. Green is sick. Blue is sad. Purple is proud. White is happy. Black is deep depression or suicidal." I shivered. Mark hugged me closer, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and kissing my neck gently. There are more nuanced and subtle colors and emotions than I can count, but usually you can tell just by looking and going based on your gut instinct. Especially if you know those basics. Also, the internet is surprisingly accurate and helpful with these color guides. Don'r be afraid to look a color up, or call me for help if you have a question. Lord knows, I had a lot when I was first learning and no one knew anything about this shit to help me than." I sighed.

Mark patted my back. "Well baby, I think it's time we head back in and try to get a little recording done for the day, unless either of you guys have any more questions that need answered right this minute?" Mark looked at Ethan and Tyler. They both shook their heads, looking contemplative as they tried to just take in all the information I had given them. I nodded at Mark, then thought of something.

"Oh, Ethan, you asked about the braid that runs between Mark and me. We weren't trying to dodge that question, I promise. Two things though, in the future, be careful who you mention those braids to. I'm pretty sure I know what they mean, and if I'm right, they are a secret thing and people are supposed to figure them out for themselves. Mark and I already had, so it's not a problem, but I know some other people who haven't." Ethan nodded, looking wide eyed and a little worried. I smiled sweetly. "Don't worry, Ethan, it's nothing bad and we aren't at all upset about that or anything. The braid, from what we can tell, is a soul bond. We're soulmates."

Ethan and Tyler both blinked and their jaws dropped. Tyler looked back and forth between us for several seconds then got up and hugged us both, startling a squeak from me. "Mark, buddy, congratulations! I'm so happy for you. I was worried about how fast this relationship was moving, to be honest, but if you're soulmates, it explains everything. No wonder you weren't sleeping after you got back from Ireland."

Mark blushed again and smiled. "Thanks Ty. Yeah, it does explain a lot. And it made me feel a lot better about everything too. God, I'm just so happy right now, I don't know how to describe it."

I hummed a soft noise of content and traced a random pattern on Mark's chest with a fingertip as I cuddled against his chest. "Me too, love. Now, let's go record before the day gets away from us completely. Oh, and we still need to eat lunch too." Mark nodded and we headed back out into the main room of Mark's office, grabbing the food, laughing and eating as we set up to record for the day. By the time we finished eating, we had decided on the videos and everything was all set to start. I slipped my helmet on while Mark wiped his face and hands off, combed his hair, and got ready, then came back over and sat down next to me. We did our intros and started filming, managing to get through about six short videos before we called it a night. Mark smiled as he lifted my helmet from my head and immediately stole a kiss. I melted into his side and hugged him. "Mmm. I've been wanting to do that for hours now."

Mark chuckled. "Yeah? Me too angel. I couldn't wait to see your face again and kiss you. Now let's get Chica and head home for a nice quiet evening. I think we're just going to have to spend the evening cuddling on the couch and watching a movie. Does that sound good to you?"

I smiled at Mark and shook my head, then booped his nose. "Nope. I have plans for you tonight loverboy. We need to make a few stops on the way home though. We need to pick up a few things, like groceries and maybe some dinner. Then I'm all yours for the night. And I just want to spend the night in your arms."

Mark smiled at me. "Sounds good to me. What sounds good to you for dinner, my dear? What can your stomach handle tonight? Is it still acting up on you?"

I shrugged. "Not so much. It seems to have settled down pretty well. I could go for either some Thai curry or Indian food, probably. Maybe Chicken Tikka Masala. Or some japanese food, if that sounds better to you, sweetheart. I'm easy."

Mark shook his head, then kissed me. "I love that about you. You're not at all picky about food. Okay, let's get Thai food then. What kind of curry do you want, angel?"

"Hmm. Green curry, with lamb, no onions or green peppers, extra spicy, please. And please make sure they don't use peanuts or peanut oil." Mark nodded and kissed me again, calling the food in. He ordered a red curry for himself with chicken. Then he grabbed his stuff and carried it out to his car. I gathered my laptop and Chica and walked out, joining him a minute later, helping get things loaded. Chica and I got in the car and waited for Mark while he made a last run back inside, wished everyone goodnight, and gathered the last of his things for the evening, tossed them in the back, then climbed in the driver's seat, next to me. Chica had her head between the seats, looking at me, and I was petting her gently, just enjoying the quiet, so both of us looked at Mark after he got settled. He grinned at us and blew us both kisses after he started the car, then drove off. We stopped and picked up the food, got the groceries we needed, and stopped at a Target to get a few other things I wanted, like some bath bombs, candles, and more massage oils. Mark smiled when I came out, since he had decided to wait in the car with the food and Chica. I got back in and buckled up as he started the car again. "Okay, we can go home now. I'm all set. I just wanted to get some candles, bath bombs, and a few treats and surprises for us to share, Mark. I do want to spend the evening having a romantic bath with you though, if you don't mind."

Mark chuckled. "Nope, that sounds amazing. Bubble baths are one of my guilt pleasures. That's why I have such a big tub. Sharing one with you would be perfect, baby."

After Mark and I got back to his place, we fed Chica and let her out to do her business, then cuddled on the couch, watching an episode of Cutthroat Kitchen while we eat our dinner. Both of us just relaxed into each other and let ourselves unwind, happy to be in each other's arms. After the episode ended, we got up and put our leftovers away, heading back for the bedroom. Both of us decided to strip in there before heading for the bathroom. I took the bag from Target with me, along with my tablet, setting it on the counter and turning on some soft, sexy music. Mark smiled as he wrapped his arms around me and helped me set the candles out. I had gotten about twenty or so in a delicious chocolate cherry scent. Mark lit them, then turned the lights off, leaving us with the perfect mood lighting. I dropped the bath bomb in the bottom of the tub and turned the water on, adjusting the temperature so we would both be comfortable. Mark gasped when he saw the water. I had managed to find a bath bomb that made the bath look like space but was not overly glittery. As the water poured over the bomb, the galaxy expanded ever outward and a faint fragrance of cherry blossoms wafted to our noses. Mark drew me into a deep kiss. I chuckled throatily when he let me go. "So, I did good?"

Mark nodded. "That was an awesome choice."

I snuggled into his chest. "Mmm, good. I didn't want anything too girly. Most of the bath bombs were just scents I didn't like, but that one was too cool to pass up. I got a bunch of them, actually. And a few others that are just random scents that sounded yummy, like orange creme. I thought the cherry space one would go well with the chocolate cherry candles though." Mark nodded and kissed me again. I sighed and melted into him completely. After a minute I looked back at the tub and saw the water was high enough for us to get in, so I turned the taps off, handed Mark a condom, and slipped in. Mark smiled and joined me, pulling me in close. At first it was innocent, the two of us just laying in the water, relaxing and soaking away our stresses and cares. Before long though, the scent of the candles, the soft, sexy music, and the feel of each other had both of us worked up. Our hands started wandering and our bodies started grinding against each other without us thinking about it. Mark slipped the condom on, then slid into me after a few moment, making me moan. Both of us went slow, savoring the sweetness, care, and connected feeling we had and letting the soul bond amplify things between us again. When we finished, both of us were exhausted but happy, lying boneless against each other, far too content to move and satisfied to our very souls.

Mark kissed the tip of my nose. "God, the things you do to me... Never stop, please. Even if they do exhaust me regularly, I love every single one of them."

I giggled. "Mmm. I'm tired too, laddybuck. Come on. Let's dry off and go use my laptop in bed. I want to look at social media for a bit before I fall asleep." Mark smiled and nodded, then pulled the drain plug and helped me stand up. I grabbed our towels and turned the music off, flipped the lights back on and started putting candles out, while Mark was blowing candles out as well and drying off. When we finished, we both headed back to the bedroom. I grabbed a long satin nightie in dark green, making Mark's eyes turn darker with lust as I slid it on and it settled into place. He slid some boxers on and settled on the bed and made grabby hands at me. I laughed softly, grabbed my laptop and settled in his arms, booting my pc up and logging on. I almost immediately got a Skype call once Windows had loaded. I blinked. It was Felix. I looked at Mark and shrugged, then picked up. "Hey Fe, what's up?"

Felix blinked at us. "Um, are you doing okay today, [Y/N]? I've was kind of worried about you all day yesterday. I'm not really sure why. Just some gut feeling I've had that you needed help or were having a lot of anxiety. It was worse yesterday morning. I didn't really see you online much either, or you were not available. Is everything okay?"

I looked at Felix more closely, concentrated on looking at his aura, and unconsciously tensed up. I sighed. For fuck's sake, not him too. There it was, bright copper, plain as day. And a braid, leading off, probably to Marzia. I glanced at Mark. He winked at me and I knew he saw it too. "Uh, yeah, I'm okay now. Something did happen, and I had a really bad panic attack while I was on a Skype call with Signe and Jack, but it's better now. Mark got me out of the panic and I've been taking it easy since then. Thanks for worrying about me."

Felix shook his head at me. "Hey, you are awesome, and I saw how shaken up you were at the airport on your way to go see Mark." 

Mark wrapped his arms around me a little tighter and just held me closer. "Mmm, shh, I've got you angel mine. Just relax." Mark kissed my hair. I melted into him again, relaxing against him, letting the tension flow back out of me. Mark smiled, his lips against my skin. "That's better, my dear. You were far too tense. Felix wasn't judging you. He was just worried, like everyone else. You know you're going to have to explain why to him."

I sighed and closed my eyes. Felix laughed softly. "Actually bros, if it's something that can wait a few days, I'll be in LA then. Something came up and I have to fly out for some stuff, including some interviews. Think we could meet up for some collabs and to hang out for a while? Marzia and I are going to use this as an excuse to take a short vacation too. Well, be in town by Thursday night, so we can meet up on Friday, if you want."

I smiled and nodded. "Yeah, we can manage that. Thanks for being so understanding and waiting to talk. I'm wiped out."

Felix laughed. "Hey, it's getting late over there. And you two are clearly already in bed. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, for my own mental whatever, after the feeling I'd been having. I just couldn't seem to shake it. It's dumb."

I shook my head. "No, Fe, it's not. Trust it. I did have a bad panic attack, right about when you are talking about. Mark pulled me back out of it, but I've been having a lot of anxiety all day. I'm just doing better now, and we are about to go to sleep, or we are before long. Both of us have been short on sleep for a while, because of not being able to sleep when the other one isn't around."

Felix smiled at us and made a small "Aww" noise. "That's adorable and somewhat sickeningly sweet. Kind of like Jack and Signe when she's around him on camera with me." 

I laughed. "Exactly. They're always like that. So are we. It's not like you and Marzia are any better." Felix grinned and blushed. Then he waved a hand. "Well, I'm going to let you get back to whatever you have to do for the day. We're going to go ahead and log off. Night Fe. See you soon."

"Night guys. See you in a couple of days." I yawned as I disconnected the call and decided to just shut my computer back off. I was really too tired to do any social media after all. I put my laptop away and cuddled back into Mark's side, getting comfy as soon as my computer was safely stashed away for tomorrow. 

Mark smiled at me and wrapped his arms around me, getting himself comfortable as well. Then he lifted the light blanket we were using over the top of us and tucked us both in. I hummed out a soft noise of happiness as sleep overtook me. I heard Mark echo it just as my brain succumbed to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this got away from me and took a plot twist I didn't see coming. Sorry it took so long. I had another chapter written but it was terrible and I just couldn't bring myself to publish it. Then this came about. I'm much happier with it. So much for realistic plotline... Time to go update those tags again.
> 
> So, I'm starting a twitch channel instead of doing the regular YouTube thing. My first real stream will be Jackbox games on July 11th, starting at 4pm EST until at least 6pm or until I feel like stopping. Come say hi (or not) and play some games with me. I'm hoping to make this a regular thing and maybe even do a podcast over there. I might be streaming two or three times a week. Who knows at this point. See you over there, or in my next update!
> 
> And once again, Shout out to JacOfAllTrades for reading some of this and convincing me this wasn't the total crap my depression had me convinced it was. That was a major reason for the delay! JOAT has been helping me over on Discord and getting lots of sneak peeks and early access. You can too, if you want to join me over there too...

**Author's Note:**

> Another longer story.
> 
> If you see a mistake, let me know so I can fix it! Have a fabulous day!


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